Losing a part of me

Weight: 291.8 lbs. (up 53.2 lbs from Best Weight Ever)

Last time I weighed this much: January 22, 2023

I woke up this morning with dread and hope and excitement and fear and trepidation. That’s a lot of emotion to experience before your first cup of coffee, don’t you think? Today is the day that Leslie and I decided we were starting our extreme program together. Last night I took out the first of my boxes that I placed on the stove to remind me in the morning that I would be starting again… not that I would have gotten very far had I forgotten, as I planned it well and have no real food in the house. While that is not technically true, I do not have any eggs, which would have made preparing my regular breakfast of a large omelette quite challenging. I took Her Royal Floofness for her walk, and then prepared a pot of coffee and my first shake in many months. It is time.

Leslie and I had a cigar date this morning and we discussed how w are feeling about it, as well as what each of our goals are. I made her a promise… the day I reach my best weight ever I will shave my goatee. While she has seen pictures of it from before we met, Leslie has never actually seen me without facial hair. She has often joked that should would love to see me with what she calls my ‘baby face’ and I am not setting that as a milestone for myself. I know that she will encourage me to get there… and that she will insist I keep my promise!

(To be clear, once I have done that she will almost certainly encourage me to grow it back again, which I will gladly do. I like the goatee, and I know that she does as well. This is a one-time thing!)

It is now 12:40pm, and I am sitting out on the balcony with my laptop. I have a lot of work to do, but it is a beautiful day and I am sitting out topless enjoying the weather. The work I have to do today can as easily be done on my laptop as at my desk, so why shouldn’t I enjoy the weather?

My plans for the first week at least are to have my first shake when I get back from walking the Floof. The second shake will be at 1:00pm, the third at 5:00pm, and the final one at 9:00pm. My rationale is that I am teaching three days a week from 5:30-9:00pm, which means that I will have one right before class, and then immediately after it. There is a good chance though that I will have to delay the final shake some nights until I have walked the Floof again, but we will see. I am greatly encouraged that I am neither tired nor hungry right now, and that I am ready for that next shake. What does worry me a little is that I woke up late this morning, and by the time I finished my first meal replacement it was already 10:00am. I might push today’s second shake to 2:00pm to see how I feel with four hours between my first and my second shake. I am sure I will be able to make it, but I am curious to see how hungry I get. I am starting to feel the pangs now, but they are faint and I am not concerned. If they get worse then I will go down to 1:30pm, but I am sure I’ll be okay.

I have not felt week yet, but the day is still relatively young. I also have all of the excess caloric energy from yesterday still floating around my system. Hopefully I will get through the first few days without too much difficulty. I really want to make it with the program again, although as of right now I am not sure what ‘making it’ really means.

In my discussion with Leslie this morning she mentioned that she wants to shrink her stomach because she has been overeating. I agreed, and told her that one of my goals for my post-program changes is to reduce my meal size. Over the last few months I have been eating a four-egg omelette in the morning, followed by a whole chicken (plus salads and various other side dishes) throughout the day. The omelette should be reduced to three eggs, and the whole chicken should last me two days. I will make smaller portions of rice (or whatever side dish I choose), and I will only buy side dishes like egg rolls as a special treat. I will not completely cut out bread, but I will reduce the frequency back to once or twice per week… and reasonable portions when I do.

It is time for me to start exercising again, and to that end I am not sure if I am going to go out for a walk this afternoon, or if I will get onto my treadmill. I am leaning toward the treadmill even though it is such a beautiful day outside because that will not only force me to stop using it as a clothes hanger (as so many people do), but it will also give me the opportunity to catch up on last night’s TV shows. While walking outside forces me to a certain distance (once I have walked three kilometres, I must then necessarily turn around and walk back another three kilometres), it has been a while since I have gone for a good walk, and I do not want to find myself completely out of steam and still a couple of kilometres from home. Today is my first day back on the severely reduced caloric program, and I do not know at what point I will run out of steam. It is too bad I cannot bring the treadmill out onto the balcony… but that would just be silly (not to mention extremely heavy and potentially dangerous).

I have written so often about the need to be mindful in my eating. The good part of this program is that I do not have to worry or even think about what I am going to eat, as each meal replacement is pre-planned and measured. What I do have to be mindful of is my energy. I need to make sure that I can get through the day (including my evening class) without falling off. I also need to be mindful of my emotions and attitude, as those can be greatly affected by caloric deficiency. I think that Leslie and I will have to keep an eye on each other for that these next few days.

Okay then… it is settled. As soon as I have finished my second meal replacement I will change into exercise shorts and a t-shirt and I will get the treadmill cleared off. I am excited to be getting back on track! I am not saying that I am back on track yet… I am five hours into Day 1, so until I have a week of successes under my belt I am not going to consider the necessary habits formed.

One more thing… I have on several occasions in the past decided to go down to three meal replacements and a single full meal during my program. While I have definitely seen success with that, I am not going to do it for at least the first month. When my weight is back below 250 lbs. then I will think about it, but I want to see huge weight loss before I do that.

There are a couple of things I need to do in order to make this work: The first: I am going to make an appointment to see my doctor. I have not seen her in a few months, and aside from my weight loss, I also need to discuss a few other things with her – my meds, as well as a mole on my face that I might want to have removed. I will make that call immediately, although I know I will need to leave a message and her staff will call me back.

Wow! That was the first time ever that I called and got someone to speak to since I have been seeing this doctor. I have an appointment for June 10, and have made notes in my calendar appointment to hopefully remember some of what I need to speak with her about. Great! That is one thing off my plate.

The second: I am going to make a new chart to put on my fridge. The last one was for the competition that Leslie and I had for a prize of a meal at our favourite steakhouse and cigar lounge in Addison. That is not coming down… I am leaving it up to remind me of how far I have fallen. The new one will be to track my progress on paper. Yes, I have the chart on my computer, and I have a spreadsheet that I keep… that is not in my face like the fridge chart was and will be. I will print that out now.

Okay… I have made the chart, although it is not yet printed (this computer is not on the same subnet as my printer… long story). I put the increments at 2 lbs., and I will hopefully be able to start ticking those off tomorrow or Friday. We’ll see.

It is now 1:50pm and it is time for me to head inside and prepare my meal replacement. I will then clean off the treadmill for a good workout. I am hungry now.

Have a great day!