Losing a part of me

Category: Meal Replacements

  • Day 16 Challenges

    I did not manage my caloric intake very well yesterday, and I paid the price. I know what I did… I had my lunch meal replacement at the normal hour, and then because I had been doing so on previous days, I doubled up and had a second meal replacement. The only problem with that is on the previous days, my lunch meal replacement was at least two hours late, and so by having two packages at 2:30pm, I could then have my fourth at 6:00pm, and a fifth and final mean replacement at 9:30 or 10:00pm. Instead, I ended up having my lunch meal replacements (plural) around 12:00pm, and then the fourth at 3:30pm and the fifth around 6:30pm; as I sat outside on the balcony chatting with my son, I realized I was hungry. I did not do anything about it – I maintained my streak of not cheating at all – and lived with the slight hunger until I went to bed.

    I have a lot of studying to do today and tomorrow – I have an exam that I need to take in order to be certified in time to teach the class Tuesday morning, and then I have another exam to sit Monday. Some of that work will be done from home, some from my cigar lounge. My evening will be spent at my local bar watching my hockey game (Montreal is playing in St. Louis). I am not sure if it will be on the big screen, or if I will have to watch it on my iPad… but I will be watching the game.

    I think today I am going to try to stick to a normal schedule of spreading out the meal replacements, rather than having two in the early afternoon. I suspect that is a smarter way to do things. I’ll have my lunch (the second MR of the day) at noon, then I can have another at 3pm, 6pm, and 9pm. Hopefully that will regulate my cravings.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 14 – Achievement unlocked

    The achievement that I unlocked is not a weight loss milestone… although I probably hit a couple of those in the last days. I am proud of myself that I got through yesterday on five meal replacements – 800 calories on the day – and nothing more.

    I had a shake for breakfast, and then did a whole lot of organization in my bedroom, finally making real progress (I’ve only lived here three months!) to it being liveable and presentable. It was 2:30pm before I realized it, and I had a bowl of stew (which was better than I’d expected) and then a smores bar for a dessert.

    I went to the cigar lounge for a couple of hours and chatted with some of the guys there. I knew I was going to go to the bar in the evening, but I wanted to go home to see the new shelving unit that my son picked up and put together for me – it is an Ikea unit so there were no surprises, and of course he did a fine job of assembling it. I had a bowl of tortilla soup, and as I was getting ready to leave the house I decided to grab another meal replacement bar; I would not eat it right away, but I felt that it was smart to have in the car in case I got peckish before it was time to come home.

    My friend Al joined me at the bar after the cigar lounge closed, We smoked another cigar, and then as we left the bar I told him that I was looking forward to devouring the bar that was in my car, which is exactly what I did. It was delicious, or maybe just seemed so because I was so hungry.

    I got into bed at around midnight, I watched a little bit of television, and then I turned out the lights around 1am… without eating anything more.

    I was not sure how difficult the transition was going to be from 900 calories to 800 calories, and especially knowing that I had not been following the original program very well. Yesterday I proved to myself that I can do it… and I will continue to try to do the program without incorporating peanuts or almonds… and especially without plates of pasta from my favourite Italian restaurant.

    Today is the last day of my second week on the program. My weight is down about twenty pounds in that time which means that I am about thirty pounds from achieving my goal of fifty pounds by New Years Day. I know of course that the pace of weight loss will abate greatly now – otherwise I would be on track to lose more than sixty pounds in that time – but it should still be doable. If previous attempts at this program are an indication then I can still expect to lose 6-7 pounds per week for the next couple of months. That would get me to exactly my goal by December 31st.

    What angers me is that I regained all of the weight I lost the last time… and the time before that. I have to find a way to meet my weight loss goals, and then to stay there permanently. It will involve serious lifestyle changes that will have to incorporate both diet and exercise. It will be a challenge. I have never shied away from a challenge.

    Have a great Sunday folks.

  • Day 13 WOWZA

    I find it funny that for someone who is really pretty good at doing math in my head I spent so much time trying to calculate my total caloric intake for yesterday.

    My new order of meal replacements arrived after lunch, so:

    2x Canadian meal replacements @ 225 each: 450 calories

    3x US meal replacements @ 160 each: 480 calories

    Total: 930 calories

    There was no pasta, no salad, no almonds or nuts of any kind. Aside from my coffee (the milk and sugar in the coffee) I ingested 930 calories. Result: after gaining 1.2 lbs. yesterday morning, I dropped 3.6 lbs. today. Yay.

    I have not had any of the soups yet, but I have tried the bars and the shakes, and both are very tasty. Let’s see if that helps me to succeed.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Week 2 begins…

    I did not weigh myself the morning of Day 1, so I cannot be certain of my exact progress at the beginning of the second week. It is approximately fifteen pounds based on my weigh-in the previous day, and the night. I’ll take it.

    I ate weird yesterday. I had my first two meal replacements as expected, but then was out for the rest of the day and so could not easily have my third and fourth. The peanuts are finished, so in lieu of the third meal replacement I found a package of unsalted almonds (1.5oz) which was a good substitute. I then sat at my bar until nearly midnight, and while I was hungry when I got home… I decided to skip my fourth meal replacement of the day and go to bed slightly hungry. Because of the nutrients required to stay healthy I know to not make a habit of this… but once in a while, it will not hurt.

    As I dressed to teach this morning I am wearing the same pants I wore yesterday so there is no difference there; my shirt is one that I was able to wear comfortably ten days ago, so I do not think that is an indicator. The sports jacket that I am wearing… that feels a bit looser than it did ten days ago in Indiana. Not only am I able to sit down in it comfortably, but I was also worried about the fit over the holstered firearm in my belt. Do I need to be armed while teaching? Of course not! I am wearing it because I am trying to get used to wearing it. I suspect that as I lose the weight it will continue to feel more comfortable, and I will need to carry it less.

    On a subject partially related to the firearm: I was excited that my new eyeglasses were meant to arrive today for many reasons, not the least of which is that I am hoping it will help with my aim. I also find that as I sit looking at my computer screens, I am squinting more than I used to. Perhaps that will be helped a bit. Well, I woke up to an email that said they are now due to arrive tomorrow. Will one extra day make a huge difference? It will not.

    My initial self-challenge statement was that I would lose fifty pounds from last Monday to New Years… something like 49 days. I am not posting progress charts on my fridge, I am simply doing my best. I know that Week 1 will always produce the most extreme results, so I am guardedly optimistic that I am now about thirty-five pounds from that goal with 42 days to go. These last three days the progress has been one pound per day, and that will not continue. Might I reach my goal? Perhaps. Will I be successful if I do not meet that goal by New Years, but continue to lose all of the weight I want to lose? Yes… but only if I can keep it off.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 5 Midday

    Yes, I had peanuts yesterday. I bought more than I should have, but I did not eat them all. In fact, I do not think I even overindulged.

    My weight was still down this morning, despite two handfuls of the legumes. One of those handfuls was in lieu of a meal replacement.

    It is currently just after noon on Friday, and I have had a mostly productive morning. I have a little more work to do from home, after which I will take my tablet to the cigar lounge and work from there. I am nursing my second meal replacement of the day, and I wish is were a bit more satisfying.

    Have a great day folks.

  • 2026 Day 21

    I was sleeping quite well until I wasn’t. My eyes popped open at 4:45am, and there was absolutely nothing that I could do to close them again. I finally gave up and decided to start my day around 6:00am, although I never did end up getting out of bed. I was tired enough that I guess I was hoping beyond hope that I would be able to nod off again. I eventually did nod off for a couple more hours of sleep… but the damage was done. I hope I am able to make it through this day (and especially my class this evening) without falling asleep!

    • Sleep score: 45 (Poor)
    • Duration: 4h01m (Poor)
    • Stress: 29 avg (Average)
    • Deep: 1h33m (Excellent)
    • Light: 2h20m (Excellent)
    • REM:8m (Poor)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 7m, 17 Restless Moments (Excellent)

    I did not expect my weight to be down this morning for a number of reasons… and for one other reason I am not putting a lot of stock in the reading I got.

    Reason #1: I ran some errands yesterday and decided to pick up some peanuts. My former habit, when I was on the program but adding peanuts to it, was to buy a single (mostly) measured serving. That way I knew what I had, and I did not have to worry about willpower to stick to the proper amount. These last few times I have bought them I bought two or three servings; I knew that I would keep them in the car, and I have not been doing a lot of driving, so it would be okay. Yesterday’s errands had me in motion for a couple of hours, by the end of which the two servings of peanuts were gone. I was back home by 4pm, having consumed two meal replacements and two helpings of peanuts already. I decided that I would not eat anything else for the rest of the day. Despite my going to a buddy’s house to smoke cigars and watch the hockey, I stuck to that plan.

    Reason #2: Getting a good nights sleep is so important to weight loss, and I did not get that last night.

    Reason I don’t put stock in the reading: I usually weigh myself between 6:30am and 9:00am. This morning I weighed myself shortly after 11am. I know that my weight fluctuates throughout the day, which is why I weigh myself (when I can) at around the same every day. The lateness of my date with the bathroom scale makes me wonder how much it might have fluctuated. I hope this evening I will be able to sleep well, and that I will be able to trust the measurement tomorrow morning… as much as I can trust the questionable scale on the unsteady floor.

    There is a lot going on with regard to one particular part of my life which has been throwing my emotions asunder these last few days – and really since mid-December. I have not and will not discuss it until everything is signed and sealed and finished… but I will say two things about it: 1) One of the reasons it has been so difficult for me to get back on the program and stick to it – both in December and January – is because of this. It is absolutely life-changing, and it is the hopeful culmination of a very long process. 2) The fact that these last few days the worst that I have done on my program is a few extra peanuts, knowing what is going on, is a complete shock.

    All of this to say that my weight this morning was indeed down by 1.4 lbs., which puts me just .2 lb. above the best weight I have had this month, which was the morning before I stepped onto my scale to see a 5 lbs. gain from the previous day (a day during which I had been good and stuck to the program). Since that day I have gone up and down within about a six-pound range. This includes my ‘bender’ which began when I fell off the wagon and gained five pounds in one day thanks to General Tao and his army of fried Chinese foods, and lasted through my getting back onto the program this past Sunday morning. As far as benders go… the fallout from this one was not too bad.

    While I still have enough to last me another week or so, my diet buddy is running low and so I placed an order for more meal replacements yesterday. I should be okay through mid-February at this point.

    I am teaching this evening, but let’s see if I can get a couple of hours of productive work done between now and then.

    Have a great day!

  • 2026 Day 18… or maybe Day 1?

    Alright it is not really Day 1 again… I am still more than ten pounds down from where I started. Of the seventeen days since I restarted, I think I fell off the wagon four days. This is not a restart, it is just ‘getting myself back up after a slight fall.’

    I was disappointed by the bathroom scale this morning, but not surprised. I am reasonably sure that had I re-weighed myself after my second (and much more successful) bowel movement after taking Her Royal Floofness for her walk, I would have liked the reading better… but the higher reading from today will allow me to see a better result tomorrow morning after my first full day back on the program. The little ‘cheats’ to encourage positive behaviours that I use are amusing sometimes.

    My sleep was not nearly as good as the previous night, but it was still pretty decent. The stats:

    • Sleep score: 81 (Good)
    • Duration: 7h11m (Good)
    • Stress: 20 avg (Fair)
    • Deep: 1h05m (Fair)
    • Light: 4h52m (Fair)
    • REM: 1h15m (Fair)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 9m, 36 Restless Moments (Excellent)

    Considering I was up (in bed but watching a movie) until 1:45am, I think the 81 is a win. I honestly expected much worse.

    The weather today is quite conducive to not leaving my apartment, except to take Princess Sophie out a couple of times. Really cold, snowy, and windy are not a good combination for being outside. I have a lot of work to catch up on and I plan on working on that today. I also plan on sticking to my program for my weight loss – meal replacements, coffee, and water only.

    I also plan on calling my new diet buddy, who also lost someone close to her this week and who also fell off the wagon and is resetting today. We are going to encourage each other to try to do better.

    Have a great day folks!

  • 2026 Day 6

    I did not sleep as well last night as I did the previous two nights, but that is par for the course. I am not used to sleeping well, so when I do I appreciate it. I also know that the evenings that I work until 9:00pm (and in fact last night it was until 9:45pm) I am not going to get to sleep much before midnight, so the fact that my sleep score was still 71 (with 6h31m of actual sleep) is actually pretty good. I will not enumerate all of the specific measures today as I have the last previous days.

    My weight continues to drop nicely. I am not surprised that, following the program almost completely since Day One, to be on track to lose as much as fifteen pounds in the first week. Were it only possible to maintain that rate, I would be at my goal by mid-March! Alas, that is not going to happen. Yes, the first week is always extreme… and I know that the rate of loss will taper severely by the middle of Week Two. With that said, it is satisfying to see nearly another pound drop off from yesterday.

    I only had my three meal replacements yesterday. From the time I sat down at my computer (around 8:30am) until the time I finished my evening class (a little over thirteen hours later) I was on camera and lecturing nearly the whole time with very little break. Today will be easier, as I do not have an evening class. I was going to say that I was happy that the weather forecast predicted temperatures above 0° through the evening, but only now realized that the wind has picked up since Princess Sophie and I came in from our walk. Depending on how that continues, I might or might not be able to enjoy a cigar on the balcony this evening. Otherwise, I will likely not smoke. Although my friends do have a cigar night this evening, until I have had my car checked out (which will be Thursday) I do not feel like driving too much if I do not have to. That means I am likely not going anywhere today, and tomorrow morning I will drive Her Floofness to her spa appointment (and then will pick her up a bit later). I cannot think of any other reason I would need to drive until Thursday morning.

    Day Six of the program, and I should be beyond the hardest mental roadblocks for now. As for physical roadblocks, I decided from the beginning to proactively add fibre to my morning shakes because I remember the painful stoppages I have experienced in previous attempts. As such, I am still having somewhat successful bowel movements every morning… although they are not quite so easy as they were before Day 1.

    Have a great day folks!

  • 2026 Day 4

    Over the past month I have not really trusted my bathroom scale. I have had a lot of inconsistent readings, and have often had to adjust it on the floor to get it to register at all. As such, the fact that this morning my weight is eleven pounds down from what it was Thursday morning (Day 1) is dubious. I also recognize that as my weight drops the scale will be more accurate and consistent and trustworthy. Am I excited that the number is eleven pounds down? No. Am I encouraged knowing that I have been doing pretty well, and that however accurate or inaccurate the scale may be, I weigh less than I did four days ago? Yes.

    As I discussed in my article yesterday, I did end up buying celery. That will be a good snack for times that I get hungry between meal replacements. Owing to the fact that I (stupidly) went to the store three hours after my previous meal replacement, I also bought peanuts. I made the conscious decision to leave them in the car, which means that I will not sit around the house eating them. They are there, I will snack on them when I drive, but really they are a break-glass option. Peanuts (unsalted) are very healthy, and while I am not going to try to justify them as an acceptable addition to my program, I know that when I am weak and tempted (as I was Friday evening) they are a better alternative than a lot of other options out there. I also know that after the supermarket closes there are a lot of snacks that I could buy at a convenience store… none of which are nearly as good choices as unsalted peanuts. If I am going to cheat, let it be a minor cheat and not a ‘off the wagon’ cheat.

    I have never figured out (nor done any type of research on) how my fitness watch measures and rates my sleep. I do know that it is usually (not always) pretty accurate. For example, if I think I slept really well one night, but the watch give me a low score and says ‘non-restorative’ then I will doubt its veracity… until I realize by mid-morning that I am ready for a nap. When I woke up this morning I checked my score: 80 (Good). The details:

    • Duration: 7h43m (Excellent)
    • Stress: 22 avg (Fair)
    • Deep: 1h51m (Excellent)
    • Light: 4h35m (Good)
    • REM: 1h17m (Good)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 33m, 34 Restless Moments (Fair)

    While I felt like it must have been 6:00am, it was actually about 12:40am when Her Floofness jumped down off the bed. When she does this in the middle of the night, unless she is sick it means that she is thirsty. Owing to the noise coming from my server farm in the office, I keep the bedroom door closed at night, so I knew I had to get up to let her out. I would have had to get up to bring her back onto the bed anyways, so your suggestion that I bring her water dish into the bedroom would have changed nothing. I took the opportunity to use the washroom (remember I am drinking a lot more water), then brought the Floof back up, and then got back into bed. I lay awake for the next 25 minutes wondering if I would ever get back to sleep. Obviously I did… and I know it was 25 minutes because that’s what my watch tells me it was. I do not know sow it all gets measured, but with a sleep score of 80, I suspect that I will not feel like I need a nap today.

    I do not know if it was because I had peanuts and celery, but I do not think I had my fourth meal replacement yesterday… again. As today is going to be a quiet and lazy day, I do not think that is the worst thing in the world. I suspect that starting tomorrow, when I will be teaching from 10am to 9:00pm, I will definitely need every calorie I am allowed on the program. Before you ask, I did not know how many I had, but I know I did not eat nearly as many peanuts yesterday as I had the previous day. That is a bad habit – I should be measuring my food intake and I should be aware of everything that I eat – that I will try to break… but I have tried many times before with no success.

    I do not think I have anywhere I need to drive to today. I plan to stay close to home for a few reasons. The first reason is that I do not feel like seeing people if I do not have to. I also know that the peanuts are in the car. With all of that, I also have a Check Engine light going on my dashboard, and I have a note on my calendar to call the mechanic tomorrow morning. Until I get it checked, I do not plan to drive anywhere that I do not need to drive to. Hopefully the mechanic will be able to look at it Wednesday morning (by the time I speak with him tomorrow, it will be too late… and Tuesday morning I have to take Her Floofness to the spa for her grooming appointment). I do not expect it is anything too serious… but it is better to be safe than sorry. Also… peanuts.

    I did drink at least my two litres of water yesterday, and am already halfway through my first litre of the day for today. I was thinking that I got a late start to the day, but really I did not – according to the fitness watch, I was out of bed at 7:46am – so I really am on track for most of my day. I suppose my shake was later than it could have been. We came in from our walk around 9:30am, which means that I did not make my shake until 9:45am… much later than I would on a work day. I remember in previous attempts at this program, I would space my shakes out at four hours apart – 8am – 12pm – 4pm – 8pm. That may be a good plan for the week, but for today I would either have to condense that, or bring it down to three meal replacements. We will see how I am feeling.

    I am hoping that over the next few days I will see how adding celery to my program affects me. I cannot imagine there would be any negative effects, but I wonder if eating two or three stalks per day might make me feel less hungry, or if I might not even feel the need for the fourth meal replacement. This week will be an experiment.

    On the same topic, I did something I do not think I have ever done before. When I brought the celery home, I immediately washed it, and then cut the stalks into thirds, placing them in a sealed container in the fridge. I hope that will keep it crispy. We will see, but if that works, then I will continue that regimen when buying celery.

    When I saw my doctor on November 27th I made her three promises. The first was that by the time I see her again on February 1st I will have lost 10kg. The second was that I would check my blood pressure at the pharmacy at least once per week. The third promise was that I would start doing some light exercise. It took me a month to get to where I am (with a number of false starts and ups and downs), but I am about halfway to the 10kg promise. As for my blood pressure? No, I have not measured it once. I have to remember to do that the next time I am there, but I keep forgetting. I will try to go this week, but even if I do not, I have another medical appointment next Monday and I know he will take my bp… and I suspect he will do blood work as well. If he does not, then I know that my doctor will order blood work on the 1st. As for the exercise? That one has also been a fail.

    The sun is shining, and it is a lovely day outside. Unfortunately, the wind is blowing pretty hard, so while the temperature is hovering around 0°, according to the weather report the wind chill is -11°. Even when it is hot outside, sitting out with a cigar when it is really windy is not comfortable. I will see if it dies down throughout the day, but if it does not then I will be inside for the duration. Yes, I took Her Floofness for a good walk this morning, and we will go out again in the evening… but if it is too windy then other than that we will be hibernating.

    Seeing as I will be inside all day, I might take the opportunity to dust off the treadmill and start making good on that third promise I made to the doctor. I do not think I am ready to jog, but what is to say that I cannot walk 5km? It is time I get off my duff and start trying to get back into shape. We’ll see… but I think that is a good plan for the afternoon. I am going to wait until my neighbour gets home from Costco… Princess Sophie will be happy to go over there for a visit!

    Speaking of things I should be doing… I might try to take a certification exam this afternoon for a class that I have been putting off. That is a good idea!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1345

    I was a bit surprised by how excited I was to see that my regular meal replacements are once again available. I checked yesterday afternoon (I have been checking on a regular basis since the last time I tried to order them) and was thrilled. I ordered a number of boxes, and it looks like after Yom Kippur I will be able to restart my program. What a relief.

    The past year has been terrible in so many ways, and I only hope that as we embark upon the Jewish year 5786 things may start to get better. I am not holding my breath, but I am praying for it.