Losing a part of me

The Microsoft Word document that I keep these entries in is now 993 pages long. That accounts for 1,147 journal entries comprising over 667,000 words over nearly three years. That is a lot of successes and a lot of failures; a lot of ups and downs (in my weight, my life, my emotional state, and more). It includes a lot of travel… but mostly to Dallas and California and Cuba. It includes a lot of great advice to myself (I do not ever want to give anyone else advice), some of which is easier to follow short-term than long.

As an example of advice I do not seem to follow through on: I have been very clear that I lose weight faster and feel better when I am exercising. I then let work and travel and life get in the way, and I get out of the habit of exercising. It is maddening because I love doing it, but sometimes it is hard to fit in… and then just like that I am out of the habit of exercising.

On that note, I did get out for a walk yesterday. While my pace was slower than the previous day, the distance was nearly identical. Whether it was because of the weather, or my choice of shoes, or the fact that I had walked the previous day so my muscles needed to recover… whatever it was, my pace was thirteen seconds per kilometre slower than Monday, and the same route (in reverse) took me 1m50s longer. In other words… not a big difference, and I am really just nitpicking.

I was hoping that the exercise would help me to sleep. That did not happen. I was in bed early but tossed and turned until nearly 2:30am before I finally nodded off. How I achieved even 70 for my sleep score I do not know. My body battery was up to an abysmal (for the morning) 34. I hope that I make it through the day! There has been speculation that from time to time my cigar smoking might keep me awake. If that is true (and the science suggests that it is) then I can assure you that it has not been a contributing factor these last few days. I have not smoked a cigar since the weekend. That will end today. More on that later.

Another bit of advice that I give myself and do not follow is not to cheat. I broke that yesterday when I bought a couple of rolls (which I am eating with breakfast) as well as a handful of peanuts and trail mix. I should not have done that. What I should have done was sit in the traffic and when I got home had a shake. No, that is not what I did. Instead, I pulled off the highway and stopped in at Fortinos to buy the cheats. How undisciplined am I? I mean, I was on my way home from Costco and I had protein bars in the car! Why didn’t I just eat one of those? I need to control myself.

While I did not manage to sleep well, and with my slight cheat yesterday, I still managed to drop about 3.5 lbs. from yesterday. The bowel movement helped, but so too did the exercise and mostly good eating. Hopefully I can continue on that trend for a few days. If I do, then by next week I should be back below the terrible mark.

When I do go back to eating, I need to eat smaller portions. There is no good reason for me to eat a whole chicken in a day. End of story. Yet there it is, that is what I do. While I commend myself for cutting almost to zero how often I eat at restaurants (I do so occasionally with friends, and when I am with my wife), but when I am alone? I can count on one hand the number of times I have done so in the last six months. All this to say that while I have improved my habits somewhat, I am almost completely negating the improved behaviours by ignoring the bad ones. I have to prepare smaller portions if I want to improve long term!

I followed my plans pretty well yesterday. I went for a good walk; I came home and had a shower and then a meal replacement shake. I studied for a few hours; I went to Costco to return an item and to pick up meal replacement bars. I got to bed early, although I did not fall asleep. I will try to get to bed early again tonight.

The original plan was for my friend Mitchell and I to drive down to Niagara Falls, NY tomorrow. He needs to pick up a package, and I’m going to go along for the drive. When I told Leslie she reminded me that tomorrow is American Thanksgiving and that everything will be closed. Because of that, we changed the plan and are driving down there today. I suspect that we will stop off to smoke a cigar, which I have not done in a few days. I might bring some home with me, but it would not be very many… I would declare them, and I do not want to be killed on the customs and duties. We should be home by dinner time, and I will do my best to get a good night sleep tonight.

Have a great day folks!