Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 732

    I was pleased to record another significant drop in my weight from yesterday morning, extending my streak to five days in a row. I do not know if I should be celebrating that I am back below the 260 lbs. mark just yet, knowing that I achieved that in August, and then fell off the wagon in October. I am still 21 lbs. heavier than I was on my best day, and that is a lot of lost ground that I need to recover. I will get there… but I know it will take time. Looking at my charts, it took me a little more than two months to drop from 262 lbs. to 238 lbs. the last time. If I can stick with my program, I should be able to get back there by mid-March or so. I can live with that. It is just a shame that I let myself fall off the way I did. While I know that psychological trauma and depression are the reasons, I do not like making excuses for myself. I failed, and now it is time to get back on track.

    Yesterday was a better day than it should have been, owing to the fact that I was not in a convenient place to eat dinner. I did my 5km jaunt on the treadmill before lunch, and then cleaned up, ate, and did some work before heading out to Cambridge to see my friends. The dinner they were serving was not kosher, and having eaten a very late lunch I was not hungry anyways. On my way home I stopped for gas, and I bought a small package of almonds. I could have done worse!

    I am teaching today but will have the evening off. I am preparing fish and rice for dinner, and will then have a relaxing evening on the balcony.

    I’ll see you all tomorrow.

  • Day 731

    I suppose working out yesterday was a big factor for my fourth weight-loss day in a row this morning. I have to keep at it despite all of the emotional garbage that I am going through. I will eat carefully and mindfully, and I will work out as many days as I can. I know there will be times when that will be impossible, but I am going to keep trying to get back to where I was when I was under 240 lbs. (around the middle of October).

    My plans for today include working out, then working for a few hours (Okay, for a few more hours, as I have already spent an hour writing emails and fighting with labs). After that, I am going to head to my buddy’s place in Cambridge. His football team is in the playoffs, and while I don’t care who wins or loses, I still enjoy watching the games. I also enjoy being able to smoke a cigar in the warmth from time to time!

    I’ll see you tomorrow.

  • Day 730–Two Years In

    It was two years ago today that I started on this journey. I have had a lot of ups and downs, both in my weight and in life. In a couple of hours I will be meeting with my weight loss pal with whom I started the journey. In the meantime, I am preparing lunch and catching up on my email.

    My weight was down significantly this morning. It was nice to see. I am at a three-week low, but that means I am still 23.5 pounds heavier than my best weight ever. I have had a lot of very stressful issues these past ten weeks, most of which I am not going into here. Suffice it to say that my life has not been great; I am aware from the readers who have reached out to me that this has been clear in my writings. I hope they will get better, but I have no idea what my life will look like when the smoke has cleared.

    I have a lot of preparation to do for work today and tomorrow, and will be teaching days this week. I…

    …The phone rang, my lunch was ready, and then I had my meeting with my diet buddy. We celebrated our two-year anniversary, and we talked about all manner of things. I spoke with her as I enjoyed a cigar on the balcony, and told her that when we were done, I was finally going to get back onto the treadmill… and that is exactly what I did. I jogged half a kilometre and then walked (at a very brisk pace) for the next 4.5km. I felt great and got into the shower to clean off. It is now 6:30pm, and I am going to get dressed and go out to run a quick errand – I do not know how much propane is left in the tank that I am using, and I want to exchange the empty one so that I am not at risk of running out. When I get back home I will have dinner, take Her Floofness for her walk, and will then settle down to do some reading that I need to prepare for my class this week. I would like to go to see friends tomorrow afternoon. If I do not get my work done then that will not be possible.

    I’ll see you tomorrow. 

  • Day 729

    My weight dropped minimally this morning, but down is better than up… or even status quo. While there is still a chance that it will rebound tomorrow, I am happy for where it is today. I am slammed with work today and cannot think about it. Another thing that I did not think about is that I was out of chicken in the freezer, so this morning I defrosted the steak that I had and enjoyed that for lunch. I have a meeting with some people after work, and I will think about food after that. I do not know if we will be eating at that meeting or not; if we do, then I will eat something light. If not, then I will go shopping after the meeting and pick up food for the week. Actually, that is going to have to happen either way… with no food in the house it is great that there is no opportunity to cheat, but I am also going to run out of actual meals to prepare.

    I’ll see you tomorrow.

  • Day 728

    It was a late-night arrival back home after a reasonably uneventful flight and a very easy trip through the airport and Uber ride home. Unpacking was tedious because I had a lot of things that had to be dealt with immediately and carefully. I also walked in the door to hear the beeping of my humidor telling me that it was thirsty, so even before I put more cigars in, I made sure to fix that. I was probably asleep by 2:00am.

    As for my weight on the trip, I got a pleasant surprise this morning. The first morning I weighed myself in Dallas I was three pounds up from the previous day. That number would play some weird games over the course of the trip, with yesterday’s weight about 1 lb. heavier than when I left. Today’s weight, almost 120 hours (5 days) to the minute after Saturday’s, has me .2 lb. up from when I left. That is much better than I had expected even before I left. That does not mean that I am going to take it for granted. I wrote yesterday that I plan to spend some time on the treadmill today, and I will. I don’t know when… the day is already getting away from me. Hopefully it will not be an entire loss.

    I am not sure if it is time, or the antidepressants that are starting to work… but I do not feel as absolutely shattered and hopeless today as I thought I would. The day is still young though.

  • Day 727

    My weight crept up again this morning. I am back above 265lbs., but only by a bit. As today is a travel day I do not have any great hopes for tomorrow morning, but I will make a point to step onto the treadmill tomorrow and try to work some of the trip away. I have a lot more than my weight to work off.

    As planned, I am at the lounge for the day. I will be here until about 3:30pm, at which point I will catch a ride to the airport. I will wait in the lounge and relax until my flight. Hopefully I will be smart and not enjoy too much of the offered food. I had a nice chat with some of the guys, I played some backgammon, and I am smoking a couple of really nice cigars. It is as good a way as I know to spend a quiet and relaxing few hours.

  • Day 726

    Okay, my weight crept up this morning, a little over a pound. I weigh a couple of ounces more than I did the morning I flew out. Although the food we ate yesterday was healthy, Leslie and I went out for dinner and I chose a dish that was extremely high in sodium – according to the site that I checked there might be as much as 4,300mg – which means that today I am retaining water. If I eat properly today, that weight should come off by tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow is another travel day, and we all know that those are never good for me. With that said, my stated goal for the trip was to not gain more than a pound or two. It looks like I will be successful with that.

    In all likelihood, we will be picking up salads for lunch. I do not know what we will do for dinner, but I cannot imagine that either of us will want anything too heavy. It will be our last night together for a while, but that does not mean we have to go crazy. Both of us are trying to keep our weight down, and there are plenty of tasty meals that we can enjoy without killing that.

    My plans for today are to pack, do a little bit of work, and mostly stay close to home. There is not a lot of risk to my weight management routine in that, is there? There is a wind chill advisory for the morning and the temperature is currently 14°F (-10°C), but around noon the wind is forecast to die down, and by 2pm it should be much warmer (27°F, or -3°C). If the sun is out, then it will be perfect conditions to bundle up and sit out on the balcony with a cigar. I did that yesterday, and it felt wonderful until the sun started going down. If I start out a little earlier today (and not at 4:30pm, as was the case yesterday) then I should be in for a nice relaxing time.

  • Day 725

    I was neither upset nor surprised yesterday morning when I stepped onto the scale to find my weight had jumped three pounds in a day; aside from the fact that Saturday was a travel day, it was also a day replete with flight delays and cancellations which had me sitting in the American Airlines lounge for several hours… before getting onto a flight where the flight attendant was distributing meals and snacks and drinks. I remember writing that I hoped that at least a couple of those pounds would come off before I fly back home Wednesday evening. I was definitely surprised (and not at all upset) this morning to find that I had not only lost all of that weight in a single day, but another pound to boot! We did not eat particularly well yesterday, but we also did not eat particularly much.

    It has been much colder in Dallas than one would expect when thinking of what the weather should be in Texas. We woke up this morning to find it had snowed, and it even continued to snow on and off throughout the morning. I estimate there was nearly a centimetre of snow on the ground. In Canada that would be called Monday. In Dallas, where cars do not have snow tyres and most drivers have little experience and no training in winter driving, it is a day where most people will stay close to home. School and many businesses are not affected as they were last year when I was here for the ice storm because it is a national holiday today, but I suspect many would be closed due to weather. I am going to phone a couple of businesses to see if they are open, but I am not holding my breath. There is enough food in the house for us (I prepared grilled chicken and rice for lunch, and we can find what to eat for dinner), so even if the businesses are open I do not expect we will be leaving the comfort of the apartment… except to walk the dog, which Leslie did alone this morning.

    I suspect many will think me crazy, but I am probably going to sit on the balcony and enjoy a cigar this afternoon. The forecast high is -4°C (25°F), but the sun is out, and the wind seems to have died down. I am not going to do much else aside from that today. Leslie and I have been talking a lot and that is more important. We do not need to be out and about that to talk and spend time together.

    I’ll see you tomorrow.

  • Day 724

    Had yesterday gone according to plan I would have been at the airport by 3:45am for a 6:30am flight, and after spending a couple of idle hours at the airport I would have been in Dallas by 9:00am for a full day with Leslie. With the flight cancellation and delays the day went very differently than planned. I was at the airport at 1:30pm for a 5:15pm flight which ended up being delayed by a few hours, which means I landed before 11:00pm. By the time we got to the apartment it was time for bed. Thus, our first actual day together will be today.

    It did not surprise me one bit that my weight jumped up three pounds this morning. Travel days are always bad; travel days that have be sitting in the airport lounge for five hours with diminished self-control and an endless supply of cookies and other snacks will never end well. While I will not be strict with my diet this week, I do not plan to let myself go like I did yesterday. Hopefully a couple of those pounds will come off before I fly home Wednesday evening.

    When most people think of the weather in Texas, we do not expect cold and blustery. The fact that it is currently colder here than it is in Toronto, and that the temperatures are not predicted to rise above the freezing point until Wednesday, makes me wonder what exactly the 1400 miles of latitude are good for. There is little chance that Leslie and I will sit outside to enjoy a cigar at any point this trip, and the only place we will actually smoke is at my lounge. Okay, I can live with that. I am relieved though that there is no snow or ice forecast these next few days. I remember when I was here a year ago for the ice storm when everything shut down for three days – stores, restaurants, everything – and we were sequestered in the apartment with whatever supplies we had. At least if things are open we can get out… beyond walking the dog, which will be a cold endeavour that is no different than what Princess Sophie and I go through on a daily basis in the winter in Canada.

    I started my day with a cup of coffee, but I plan to make the same sort of breakfast that I would if I was at home. Hopefully that will be a good way to get back on track. Start with the basics, and a healthy breakfast.

  • Day 723

    Good morning readers! I am neither at the airport nor in Dallas, as yesterday’s sign-off promised. I woke up at 2:20am to get ready for my ride (which was scheduled to arrive at 3:00am) to find a message on my phone that my flight had been cancelled. It took me a few minutes to confirm that I was rebooked on a later flight this afternoon, check in for that flight, and send Leslie a text letting her know that she need not rush in the morning. I was back in bed at 2:42am, and asleep within five minutes. The unexpected upside to the flight cancelation is that I am well rested today and will not be arriving in Dallas in need of a nap. The downside is that the line at US Customs & Immigration is much shorter at 4:00am than it will be at 3:00pm… especially with flight cancelations. Oh well. Another downside is that I got the message less than an hour from my scheduled Uber pickup, so canceling cost me $20 plus tax. I really hope that goes to the driver, and not to the corporation.

    My weight dropped slightly this morning. After my weight peaked this week Wednesday morning at 269 lbs., it is now down to 264.4. While I am still about 26 lbs. heavier than my best weight ever, I am relieved to have been able to recover nearly five pounds in three days. I am also at my lowest weight since New Year’s Eve. These last two weeks have been emotional to say the least, and my work schedule has not given me time to exercise at all – at least, not since last Friday. I have taken Her Floofness out for a couple of walks every day, but that has been the extent of it.

    As I mentioned yesterday morning, my car battery died. At least I have jumper cables, right? Like most people who have them, my cables are in the trunk; while there is a keyhole to open the trunk, the key will not turn. Online forums are suggesting I spray silicon in it. If any of my neighbours have a can then I will try that. If not, then I will deal with it when I get back from Dallas. I do not really need my car today (although I had briefly considered driving to the airport and parking my car there), but if I can easily get into my trunk then I will boost the battery today. If not, then I might as well deal with it when I am back from my trip. Even if I did boost the battery, I would not drive to the airport now. The thought of getting to my car near midnight Wednesday in the cold, only to find that the battery was dead again does not appeal to me.

    As I had not car, I decided to walk to the supermarket this morning. I did not buy much, but as I was not eating breakfast at the airport as planned my options were to either buy breakfast food or go out for breakfast. I did the prudent thing and bought eggs. Having to walk would not have been a deciding factor – I would have had to walk either to the supermarket or to the restaurant. I know that eating out is almost always bad for my diet, and that I will be eating badly enough at the airport… even if I eat well in Dallas.

    So here I sit, waiting for my laundry to dry, writing my morning missive. I took advantage of the time at home to do a load of sheets and towels – I had already washed the rest of my clothes in advance of packing for the trip – and will make my bed so that when I get home late at night on Wednesday (more likely early morning Thursday) I will at least get into a bed made with fresh linen. I just reserved my Uber to pick me up at 1:00pm, which will give me over 3.5 hours at the airport. Yes, that is a long time to wait. Knowing that the terminal (and especially US Clearance) might be a mob scene, I have no problem with that. If I get through it all quickly then I will spend the time relaxing in the First-Class Lounge; if it is a long wait to get through, then at least I will still make my flight. In the meantime, I am going to knock on my neighbour’s door to see if she has any WD-40 to get into my trunk. I will also take that opportunity to see my favourite puppy who is spending a few days with her.

    See you tomorrow!