Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 722

    My weight was down another couple of pounds this morning. While it is not what I was hoping to be at for my trip to Dallas (which begins tomorrow morning), it is now four pounds down over the last couple of days. While I was on the brink of hitting the dreaded 270 lbs. mark, I am back to 265… terrible for where I was a couple of months ago, but better than where I was just a few days ago.

    Tomorrow morning I am getting up ridiculously early to head to the airport. I was on the fence about whether I should take an Uber or drive. When I went down to my car this morning to drive to the store before class started, I discovered my battery was dead, which means that unless I get a boost today that decision has been made for me. We’ll see… I might try to get a boost, and still take the Uber. With the luggage it is easier to be dropped at (and then picked up from) the terminal, rather than having to schlep.

    See you tomorrow… either from the airport or from Dallas.

  • Day 721

    After too many days of slight gains, it was a relief to see a significant drop on the bathroom scale this morning. I was dangerously close to the 270 lbs. mark which is not where I want to be. I am going to try to do today what I did yesterday… with one exception.

    What is it, you ask, that I did yesterday different from recent days? For one thing, I had a meal replacement shake for lunch. I did not do this for weight management but rather for time management… I thought I had a lunchtime meeting, so I made the shake so as to be able to participate in the meeting. I sat in the empty Zoom room for thirty minutes before realizing I was a day off on my timing – the meeting is today. Okay, so I will have a meal replacement for lunch again today; maybe I will like what I see on the bathroom scale again tomorrow morning.

    I am going to have to go shopping this afternoon between my afternoon and evening class. While I think I have enough to eat for today and tomorrow (and am flying to Dallas very early Saturday morning), I also know that I am flying home late Wednesday evening, and if I do not shop before I leave then I will not have eggs in the house for breakfast on Thursday… which will be a good excuse to go out to eat at a restaurant. I would rather not have that temptation.

    I’ll see you all tomorrow.

  • Day 720

    I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I am nearly up to 270 lbs.; I am going to get back on my program for a week or two when I get back from Dallas next week.

    It would be nice to have some time today to get onto the treadmill; alas, I am working from 8:00am to 11:00pm with a lunch break (during which I have a meeting) and a dinner break (during which I have to eat) and will not have time. The entire week is like this, and I can’t help but wish there were more hours in the day.

    At the end of my class last night, I took Her Floofness for a walk and then sat on the balcony with a cigar. I was exhausted, but I was also wound up. I selected a shorter cigar, and truth be told I did not really enjoy it… I just enjoyed relaxing and not doing anything.

    See you tomorrow.

  • Day 719

    I had a conversation with my wife this weekend about my weight. I realize now that I have to balance what weight I am comfortable being at with what she likes. No, she did not tell me that I need to regain all of my weight. When I told her that I have gained back nearly thirty pounds since my best weight ever she was not upset. I think what I am going to do is find a weight range that I am truly comfortable with and try to stay there. The range that I have in mind is from 235-245 lbs., which is about where I was when I was last in Dallas. I am a ways away from that range and need to get back on track so that I can get back down there. I do not like that some of my new clothes are starting to feel tight on me. I am leaving for Dallas on Saturday (today is Tuesday) and I will be there for only five days. When I get back to Canada, I am going to try to go back on my program for a couple of weeks to kickstart my weight loss again. I am also going to spend more time on the treadmill, which this week is difficult because of my unusually busy schedule.

    See you tomorrow!

  • Day 718

    It was a long day. I will try to write tomorrow, but the entire week looks to be long days. It’s a good thing that I enjoy my work!

  • Day 717

    It was a very busy day. I’ll write tomorrow.

  • Day 716

    I have a mostly lazy day ahead of me, but I am going to try to do some work on the computer, and then in the evening I might be seeing a friend. We’ll see.

  • Day 715

    Once again, the day is almost over and I am only now sitting down to write in my journal. It was a mostly productive day though, so I am not upset about it. I took Her Floofness for her morning walk and then went about my day, eating mostly normally. I had a cigar date on the balcony, and then ate a late lunch. After lunch I got onto the treadmill for a very quick-paced 5km walk, which I felt really good for doing. I think it is time for me to cancel my gym membership once and for all. Okay, I might hit the sauna once more before I do that.

  • Day 714

    It felt good to see my weight drop a couple of pounds after the last few days of ‘up, up, and stay same.’ If I can repeat everything that I did yesterday, then I should be able to shed a few more pounds this week. It was just a few days ago that I wrote that I hoped to get back to the weight I was when I came back from Dallas in November for my upcoming trip. That is no longer realistic, as I am 20 lbs. up from when I got home, and I am flying out in nine days. I have to stay on track, keep exercising, and stop cheating. That is what I did yesterday; I will try to do that again today.

    Last night I took a sleeping pill for the first time. I told my doctor that I had been having a lot of trouble sleeping and she suggested an antidepressant, but until they kicked in she also gave me sleeping pills. It was a relief to put my head down and fall asleep… and stay asleep all night. I might have even slept longer had I not forgotten to disable my alarm, but I suppose Her Royal Floofness wanted to go out, and it is a bad idea to stay in bed all day anyways… especially when I know that I am fighting depression, and that it would be so easy to wallow in it. No, I will not let the sadness encroach on my life!

    Today is a cold day indeed. I took The Princess out for her walk this morning wearing a sweater under my new winter jacket (and not the sleeveless vest I have been wearing most of the last couple of months. Even with that I was still cold – mostly owing to my not thinking to wear a scarf. I’ll pay closer attention to that on our next outing.

    I am teaching this evening but unless the wind dies down, I do not think I’ll be sitting on the balcony today. If it does abate then I will change that plan because my heater can protect me from the cold, it is just the wind that makes it unpleasant. I will also make a point to spend some time on the treadmill… I did a 5km workout yesterday and would like to improve on that today. It will give me the chance to finish the movie I started watching yesterday.

    I still cannot believe that I am now struggling to drop my weight below 265 lbs.; It was October 15 (less than three months ago) that I registered on my fridge that I had dropped below 240 lbs. and then… well, when I came home from Dallas at the beginning of November my world fell apart. All of a sudden the last two days I was 29 lbs. higher than that weight. I am glad I was able to rein that in this morning, but I really do hate knowing how easy it was to fall off. I have done that before. I have to stay strong because there is a difference between falling off and picking myself back up again… and falling off and six months from now realizing I weigh what I weighed 713 days ago. I cannot let myself fall like that!

    See you all tomorrow.

  • Day 713

    I did not lose any weight this morning. I also did not gain any, which is a good thing. I know that I went overboard on food yesterday. Today I did not, and I am hopeful that my weight will be down at least slightly tomorrow morning.

    This is another ‘near the end of the day’ post – in fact, it is already 10:15 as I sat down to write, and my students are working on their labs for an hour. I’ll be lecturing again soon. With that said, I think the eating portion of my day is behind me. I would probably snack if there was something in the house, but there is not. At least, there is nothing that I can think of. It is better that way… snacking is bad for my program, right?

    Today was a reasonably good day. Not only did I mostly stick to my eating regimen, but I also took my new (to me) treadmill out for its inaugural spin. I Walked at a very quick pace and did a strong five miles. I was very pleased with myself. I would have gone longer, but my wife called me with some very exciting news. No, I am not going to share. Live with it

    The treadmill came into the house Sunday afternoon and was assembled thanks to my buddy (we worked on it together and it was NOT as easy as we hoped). It was heavier than I expected… but then, I wanted a heavy-duty treadmill that would not feel like a toy… and that would support my weight. Even at my current weight that is an issue with a lot of models – I saw a few with limits of 250 lbs., and while I will be under that again soon… I expect that if my weight is at or near their recommended limit then I will not enjoy the experience.

    Princess Sophie went to the neighbour’s for a playdate this morning. That gave me the opportunity to rearrange the furniture in my bedroom. I went through seven arrangements before settling on the one I liked best… or at least the one I dislike the least. If the bedroom was one foot bigger each way I would have had a lot more options… but alas, we play the cards we are dealt, right? I did want to make sure that however I laid things out that I would be able to watch my television from the treadmill, and that worked very well. I watched the first half of a movie that I quite enjoyed.

    My buddy Eduardo came over for a cigar in the afternoon. It was good to see him, and chat about this and that. He is a great guy to chat with… although I know that he is going to discuss both Israeli and South American politics with me every time. It doesn’t bother me… Just predictable.

    Okay, it’s time for me to go back to work. See you all tomorrow.