Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 712

    After it bit me and broke my finger the other day, I decided to call in reinforcements to pick up the treadmill that I bought. Rob came over and we drove his truck over there. We picked up blind (they were not answering my Facebook messages, but we took a chance and rang the bell. The father of the girl I had dealt with came down and helped us carry it to Rob’s truck. It took us longer than I would like to admit to put it together, but I now have a fully functional treadmill in my bedroom. Yay!

    I am back to teaching tonight. I hope I am on my game.

  • Day 711

    There may be light at the end of this darkness. We will see. More tomorrow.

  • Day 710

    I went for a 9km walk yesterday for the first time since my life fell apart. It felt great. I am lying… but it felt like I was getting back on track.

    Then I got a phone call. I was already drinking, but I would not have had that much to drink had I not gotten the call. I have not been that drunk in a very long time.

  • Day 709

    I must have really overdone it yesterday because the bathroom scale was extremely unkind to me. That just means I have to do better today… and I did, considering it is now approaching 6:00pm, and my day is pretty much done… at least, the part that involves food is.

    I met an old friend (and one of my few loyal readers) for coffee this morning. It was nice to catch up. From there I went to take my son for his pre-birthday lunch – yes, he wanted to go to Lone Star, and yes, I ate… I ordered a hamburger, and it could have been much worse. For dinner I had my regular chicken with a couple of air-fried spring rolls. Hopefully the bathroom scale will be nicer to me tomorrow than it was today… although it is not the scale’s fault, is it?

    I am drinking more than I usually do. At first it was because of my broken finger. Now I think it’s because it helps me forget whatever else is going on in my messed-up life.

    See you tomorrow.

  • Day 708

    How exciting… today’s the day I go in for the second part of my dental surgery. I am not excited about that.

    I was excited that I not only decided to but actually bought a treadmill yesterday. I am not excited that while trying to put it into my car I broke a finger. To add insult to injury, my finger was trapped in the treadmill for ten minutes while the teenaged girl who was selling it to me tried in vain to not panic. This was not the first time in my life that as the injured party I had to calm and console the other person. This poor girl did not do anything wrong, but I could not convince her of that. I finally told her to get some liquid soap so that I could extricate my finger from the vice-like grip. The fact that I did not react at all – I did not raise my voice, I did not swear or curse – was a feat. I rewarded myself by smoking a $500 cigar when I got home… and self-medicated with what I will call Scottish Penicillin.

    All this, and I still do not have the treadmill. I have left a down-payment for it so it is mine, but I have to go back with a friend to pick it up.

    I suspect that my weight would have dropped a bit more this morning had I not had the whisky… or at least if I had not had so much of it.

    See you tomorrow.

  • Day 707

    I did not drop as much of the weight that I gained as I would have liked, but I still dropped some of it, and I am happy about that. Hopefully by the weekend I will be back to where I was a couple of days ago.

    Tomorrow morning is the second part of my dental surgery. I am not looking forward to it, but I will be glad to have it behind me. I have had the hole in my teeth for nearly three years, and I am glad to be getting it fixed.

    I changed the entire layout of my living room today. I needed the change.

  • Day 706

    I gained way too much weight today. Too much turkey? Wow.

  • Day 705

    It felt amazing to get onto the bathroom scale this morning and read that my weight had once again dropped below 260 lbs. … until I remembered that it was over two months ago that I celebrated that I had dropped below 240 lbs. for the first time. Yes, I am happy that I am (very slowly) recovering the progress that I have lost; I am not at all happy that I lost all of that progress in the first place. The fact that I fell so badly and have to recover it… that’s the part that hurts. Then again, how many times have I quoted that Japanese proverb: Fall down seven times, stand up eight. If only the numbers were seven and eight I would likely be less dejected. At least this time I have (hopefully) stopped my decline myself, and after regaining only twenty-five pounds (nearly seven of which I have dropped over the past couple of days). It could have been worse; It has been worse.

    Off to see my godchildren and friends.

  • Day 704

    Merry Christmas to all of my friends who celebrate it, and to those who do not, I wish you a wonderful day – many of us are off work, which means that I will be sitting and relaxing for much of the day. I started by sleeping in, and then took Her Royal Floofness for a walk. I did not even sit down for breakfast until nearly 11:00am!

    After going overboard for a few days (up to and including Saturday) I settled down with my eating yesterday. I thought I might be having breakfast with my friends but ended up dropping off the presents and enjoying a cup of coffee with them. I came home and prepared a couple of eggs on a toasted roll. It was quite nice. I met Rami at the pub for lunch and had fish and chips – not healthy, but still not as bad as so many other things I have eaten in the last few weeks. My dinner was mostly in line with what I would have eaten when I was losing weight steadily. I did not eat anything after 6:30pm, which is something I try to do.

    The result of that, and another very generous bowel movement this morning, resulted in a significant drop in weight on the bathroom scale. It is disheartening to think that nearly two months ago my weight dropped below 240 lbs. for a few days, and then at the beginning of the month I was trying to get back down below the 250 lbs. mark… and today I was relieved to drop below 265 lbs. again. I cannot let this throw me though. I have had a terrible setback, and it is time to pick myself back up. Tomorrow will be the last of the bad temptation days – I’ll be at Cam and Amanda’s place, and they always put out so many tempting treats (even before the delicious dinner). I have to do my best to not give in to too much temptation there. After that it will be mostly smooth sailing for the next few weeks – right up to the day I fly down to Dallas. That’s a little under three weeks away, and I would really like to get back below 250 lbs. by then. I am not sure I’ll be able to, but I will do my best. The morning after I returned from my last trip (November 6) I weighed 246.6 lbs. which is 15.6 lbs. lower than I did this morning. If I can get to within a couple of pounds of that I will be thrilled. I fly in nineteen days… that is an optimistic goal, but an achievable one if I stay focused.

    Okay, it is time for a cigar. See you tomorrow.

  • Day 703

    I did not sleep well last night. I also did not eat well yesterday. I really have to get off this rollercoaster. Starting Wednesday I am going to do a few days of the intense diet to see if I can kick myself back onto the right track.