Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 594

    That’s more like it. According to the bathroom scale, as of this morning I am back on track. I wonder if it is just my body adjusting to the season (September is, after all, a whole new thing!), or if it was just a blip of sympathy for my wife whose progress is not going nearly as well as she would like (despite her following the full program religiously). Or maybe, just maybe, it might have to do with the 12.5km outing I did in the heat yesterday (2km jogging, 10.5km walking, 32° and sunny).

    With that the number is back down to three… or four if you include today. I weighed less than I do today from May 25-27, and that is it. My BMI is tied with those days. I am less than half a pound from tying my best weight ever. This is exciting! If you think I am not jogging and walking again today, then you are just not grasping how it feels to be this close.

    I did screw up a little though. Yesterday I set out for my walk at 4:05pm. I did stop for a couple of breaks along the way (very short ones – once to buy more water and Gatorade). By the time I came back in it was nearly 6:20pm; I showered (obviously) and was ready to make my second meal replacement of the day when Her Royal Floofness looked at me and told me that she needed to go out. We only walked to the park, but she decided that she wanted to sit in the bleachers of the baseball diamond for a little while. We did not walk back into the house until 7:20pm. I made my meal replacement, but I also knew that I would not be able to get my third one in unless I broke my rule about eating very late. I went to bed a little hungry, but not terribly so. Then there is the matter that I stepped onto the bathroom scale for a pleasant surprise this morning. Okay, maybe whatever I did yesterday worked out!

    In a few moments I am going to have a cigar date with my wife. After that I will go for my jog/walk. I will spend the afternoon preparing demos for my class tomorrow. I am excited about that. Today is either the second or the third day in a row without a bowel movement, but I am hoping that later in the day that comes.

    Oh, and I have a non-scale victory to report! When I first started walking, I tried to wear the fanny pack water belt that I had from when I was jogging in my 30s (when I was married to my first wife). There was nothing I could do to keep it on, and so I replaced it with the shoulder pouches. Now that I have viable hips again, I tried it on this morning… and it looks like it will fit just fine! I am going to order the bottles for it and will begin using it. I know that the shoulder pouch works, but it is slightly uncomfortable. This might just do the trick. Yay!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 593

    Fuck you, bathroom scale. Another day of staying true to the program, and another day of my weight going up. I have gained 1.2 lbs. in the last 48 hours despite staying true to the program. ARGH! With that, the number of days I weighed less than today jumps back from four to ten; this time it not only includes the six days in May, but also four days in September, as I have actually lost four days of progress… all while sticking to my program. This sucks!

    As I lay in bed last night, I had a thought that if my weight did go up again, I might need to give my plan another kick… possibly have breakfast and lunch for a day or two, and then go back to it. I don’t know if I am going to do that… but I am certainly not doing it today. I have tentative plans to take a buddy for lunch tomorrow to celebrate his birthday so I might do it tomorrow. As I told Leslie the other day when she was frustrated and wanted to quit: Okay… but not today; if you are going to quit then do it tomorrow. Never quit today. You (I) should never make these decisions in the heat of anger and frustration.

    I did not go for my exercise yesterday which might have been cause to not lose weight, but I still do not think I should have gained weight either. I had this incredible boost of wanting to be productive, and I was. I finished studying for the exam I needed to take to teach my class next week… and then I took the exam. I was thrilled with my results… with certification exams it rarely matters, but for this one you need to score at least an 80% to teach the class. I scored 90%. Yay! After that I took Her Floofness for a walk, but it was hot, so she did not want to spend a lot of time outside. We came home and I updated and edited my CV (it is always nice to add a senior certification to my credentials). I then prepared my introduction slide for the class I am teaching Thursday. While that might sound trivial, I teach a lot of different domains, and it would not make sense to include every credential I have for every class. This is an introduction to the Microsoft Cloud (specifically Azure) class, and it is the first Microsoft class I have delivered since May of last year. That is a real change for someone who used to teach Microsoft almost exclusively! In any event, after all that was done, I could have called it a day. I could have easily taken a cigar onto the balcony and watched TV or read my book the rest of the evening. NO! I put the slide decks for the Thursday class onto my iPad and took it onto the balcony to review. Yes, it is a very basic class… but it is also the first time I am teaching it in four years; it is also the first class I am delivering for a new training organisation, and I want to make a good impression. I will go further still. When I am finished with this article, I will go through all of the labs to make sure I am comfortable with them. I will knock the ball out of the park with this class!

    It is not yet 9:30am and I am ready to go. I will work straight through to 1:00pm, at which point I have a date with my wife. It will be another productive morning, and possibly even an afternoon to match it. We are in the middle of a heat wave (Canadian version of one anyways) so it is unlikely I will want to exercise midday; maybe when the heat wanes after 6:00pm I’ll hit the trails. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 592

    I wanted to pick the bathroom scale up, throw it through the window, and shoot at it with an assault rifle. I don’t have a rifle, and I do not feel like having to pay for a broken window… and I do not want to be thrown out of my apartment for disruptive and violent behaviour… not to mention that I never want to be disruptive or violent. With that said, where the hell does it get off telling me that after not cheating at all (despite several temptations and opportunities) I actually gained nearly a pound from yesterday?

    Leslie is right though. I am complaining about one negative blip on an otherwise excellent streak. I am sure I will see that turn around tomorrow, especially if I stay true to the program today (as I have the last five days). My last cheat was Tuesday, and I will not cheat again. Today that is an easy promise to make – it is Labour Day, and the stores are closed. That surprised Leslie because in the USA stores are not shuttered today. Of course, I do have provisions in the house, but I will not be eating.

    What will I be doing? I will be studying. I will try to get out for some exercise. I will be smoking a cigar or two, I am sure. I will not be cheating.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 591

    And then there were four.

    With my drop this morning there were only four days in May when I weighed less than I did this morning. With every .2 drop that number will decrease by one. I am less than one pound heavier than I was at my best weight ever on May 27.

    Yesterday I wrote about two challenges that I was to face regarding my adherence to my program. I managed to turn one challenge into an opportunity. I wrote that: ‘. In the car I am simply driving, in a conveyance, with no stake in my success or failure.’ Okay. When I went to go to the store, I got to my car… and decided that instead of driving to Fortinos I would walk to Freshco. While my plans for the day would not allow for me to go for my exercise walk, walking to the supermarket would give me a couple thousand extra steps, and it would remind me that I was working hard to lose the weight. I won’t deny that Freshco does not have the same temptations (prepared foods and bulk nuts) as Fortinos, but they still have breads and so many other tasty opportunities to cheat. We had none of that yesterday morning thank you!

    The second challenge was my trip to Lyle’s. I had my meal replacement right before I left, but I was still hungry. The chewing gum I keep in the car helped me both on my way there and on the return trip. I was proud to tell Leslie when I arrived home that I passed by Bulk Barn and did not slow down.

    As I lay in bed chatting with her last night, I told her I had a fear that despite being good that I would see an increase in my weight this morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale. I am not sure why, but I felt I had done something wrong… or maybe I did nothing wrong, but there are still going to be days when there is no forward progress. Last night’s fear was unfounded, but there will be days like that. I have to remember to take it in stride and not get upset when it does happen. In the meantime: on August 21 my weight was up 2.4 lbs. from two days earlier. Since then, it has dropped every single morning. Some days that drop was only .2 lb., but it dropped, nonetheless. Thirteen days in a row. That is a pretty good streak! I do not know if it will continue through this week, but it would be nice to be able to cross off that major milestone, not to mention the next two-pound increment, over the next few days.

    While sitting with Lyle, I did ask him once to stop talking about food. He understood that it was hard for me to hear it and still stay true to my program. I appreciate my friends being understanding.

    The Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR), often referred to as the Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR), is how many calories one would burn in a day with no outside factors. In other words, what we need to consume to stay as we are. I do not know the science behind it and how it might be affected by different macronutrients such as starches, nor am I going to spend any time researching it. I was introduced to the concept when I first went to a weight management and diabetes clinic over a decade ago. For the test they insisted I not ingest any caffeine for a period of time before the test. My smart scale just pops a number into my chart, so I assume it is not quite so accurate. I do know that 591 days ago my chart shows my BMR at 2,884. Six days ago (Day 586) it dropped below 2,000. It had been under 2,000 for a few days in May, but jumped back above on May 29, I am hoping that this time it will remain under 2,000… now and forever.

    While I thought it would be a daytime encounter, it turns out that my friends and I are meeting for cigars at 6:00pm, which means that after yesterday’s respite I will be able to go for a walk today. If I prepare my first meal replacement at 1:00pm then I will head out at 1:30pm; I will be home by 3:00pm and will shower and rest for a bit before taking my second meal replacement around 5:15pm. I will be home by 9:00pm and will finish off my day with my last one. That, dear reader, is the plan. Now let’s see if I can stay true to it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 590

    I do not know why but yesterday evening was extremely difficult for me. I was feeling weak and like I wanted to give up. I knew that I had the provisions to make any number of cheat meals after my class… pasta, tuna or salmon salad… well, maybe not a huge number, but at least a couple. I was lonely – Leslie was with her son and Princess Sophie was next door with her friend – and I sat at the kitchen table staring at my tablet. I did not even go onto the balcony to have a cigar. I just sat at the table and did something I have not done in a long time: I kept taking a piece of gum, chewing it until the newness of the flavour started to fade, and then spit it out and took a new piece. I’m sure by the time I was done I could have made a squash ball from what I had spit out.

    I might have gone through half a cup of bubble gum… but somehow, I managed to not cheat. I went to bed almost shocked that I made it through the evening without breaking my program.

    I know the days of losing multiple pounds in a day are behind me (unless I cheated for a few days, gained a lot, and then went back onto the program). Still, I confess I was hoping for a massive drop when I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning. It would have felt wonderful to be able to walk over to the fridge and cross another number off. Of course this was unrealistic… I crossed off 252 only yesterday morning so expecting to drop below 250 today was just unrealistic. I did drop .4 lb., and I am satisfied with that.

    I did not get as much studying done as I had hoped, although I did finish the last of the course videos I needed to watch. I went out for a jog/walk (third day in a row) and while I really did not feel like going on, I did manage to jog the first kilometre and then walked another eleven. I needed to take a break after 7.2km so I sat down to rest at the corner of Appleby Line and Dundas… but after five minutes I forced myself to continue. I suspected my pace slackened a little, but it turns out that my overall pace was better than the previous day… even though Thursday I jogged 1.5km and yesterday only 1km.

    My class wrapped up about where I hoped it would, and we now have a break for the next week. I challenged them to see how many could pass the exam for the first section before we come back, and I suspect there will be at least a couple of takers. I look forward to hearing of their successes. I remember the day I passed my first certification exam. It was March 31, 2003. What I thought at the time to be the greatest credential – Microsoft Certified Professional – was earned by passing Exam 70-210 (Windows 2000 Professional). I went out and got business cards printed with my fancy new logo, and I walked into my office and quit my job. It changed my life. Hopefully it will have a positive (if less harsh and bumpy) effect on some of my students as well.

    I am not sure if I wrote that I successfully moved my bowels yesterday, but I did… and when I cleaned myself up, I noticed there was bright red blood on the paper. I will keep an eye on that, but the fact that it was bright red worries me much less than if it had been darker. Most likely the sharpness of the stool cut the outsides a little. If it were internal bleeding it would have been darker. Nonetheless I will make sure to add a little more fibre to my diet the next few days.

    I have to shop today. I am not happy about that and am going to do my best to get into and out of the supermarket as quickly as possible. I have enough eggs for tomorrow’s omelette, but that is it. I am also completely out of shredded cheese and am almost out of hot sauce. If one wonders if I am a creature of habit, then one need only look at my breakfast while I am on this program. It changes occasionally only in what vegetables I add to the omelette… and which hot sauce I use. Hey, it works, right? As long as I am not cheating the rest of the day then I know that this breakfast is harmless to my weight loss. Would I be losing weight quicker if I were on the strict program? It is possible… but it would be an insignificant improvement when put in the balance against the fact that I suspect it has kept me from cheating more often than I do. I started this paragraph anticipating my trip to the supermarket; I will buy eggs, shredded cheese, Cholula, Tabasco, and milk… and nothing more. I have to summon the internal fortitude to stay away from the peanuts… and every other temptation I might come across in those aisles.

    Today is the first day of our September heat wave; that is to say that the weather, which has been reminiscent of mid-autumn this past week, should turn much hotter going forward. While today’s forecast high temperature is only 25°, tomorrow that jumps to 31°, then 33° for the following few days. There is no precipitation in there anywhere. Today’s gorgeous weather will be enjoyed on the patio at Lyle and Dorothy’s house, as Dorothy is away for the day with her father (leaving Lyle with no car). No matter, I enjoy going there; my only concern is that I seem to be drawn to Bulk Barn with I go there. I am going to have to pay special care to not cheat today, what with that and my trip to the supermarket.

    Tomorrow the plan is to see Eduardo and Sam. I am still unsure if they are coming here or if I am going to see them, and if I am driving there, I will once again have to focus on not cheating. It is really much easier when I am not getting into my car. I was thinking yesterday during my walk as I passed a fast food restaurant and, realizing how intoxicating the smells emanating from the place were, I was still not tempted to stop. I was exercising, and that garbage (and I know that it is garbage, no matter how good it might smell) would destroy the progress I had made on my walk… to say nothing of the last five hundred and ninety days of doing so well. It is different when I am driving, and I am not sure that I can adequately explain it even to myself. When I am walking, I am actively participating in my diet and working toward my success. In the car I am simply driving, in a conveyance, with no stake in my success or failure. There is nothing to remind me of the hardships I have endured to get as far as I have, nor how uncomfortable I was when I was fatter. I have to remember when I drive to stay more mindful than I normally might be for fear of how easy it would be to cheat… just a little. It has been over a year since I last took myself for fast food… peanuts are a different story though, aren’t they?

    Okay, it is time for me to get at it. I am going to head to the supermarket and come back quickly so that I do not have to remember to do so after Lyle’s… especially knowing that is when I am so often weak and would end up stopping in the peanuts aisle. I will come home and prepare my kit, and before I head out to Hamilton, I will prepare my meal replacement shake… complete with a heaping spoon of fibre.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 589

    Yesterday I lamented to my wife that I was a bit miffed that the previous day (after having cheated the day before) I lost .6 lb., but yesterday (having stayed on track the day before) I only dropped .2 lb.; she joked that maybe the Peanut Karma lies in wait and takes a couple of days to strike… or something to that effect. I was hoping that it did not stick around too long. I did not cheat at all yesterday; I exercised (1.5km jogging, 10.5km walking). I told Leslie last night that I really hoped – nay, that I was going to be able to cross another number off from the list on the side of my fridge.

    This morning I woke up, did my morning routine (including a minor but nonetheless successful bowel movement), and then walked over to the bathroom scale. With a drop of .8 lb. from yesterday I did indeed drop enough to cross another number off! With that, I am now 1.8 lbs. from tying my best weight ever… and 2 lbs. from surpassing it, dropping below the major milestone of 250 lbs. at the same time. It is not outside the realm of possibility that I will achieve that by early next week, but certainly before next week is out. That is exciting indeed!

    After stepping off the scale I proceeded to get dressed, and when I put my pants on, I pulled the waist up over my hips, just like I said the other day that I wanted to start doing. Two hours later (including a 1.6km walk with a floof) and they are still holding in place. I consider that a very good sign. If it keeps up, then I am going to reconsider my plans for the Hong Kong tailor… I just might add a couple of pair of pants to my order… although that will significantly increase the cost. We shall see… having pants that fit properly is probably an important facet to one’s wardrobe.

    I had my first negative experience with buying and selling of the meal replacements yesterday. When I bought the shakes the other day, I ended up with four boxes of vanilla shakes which are not really to my liking. I had been thinking of selling them, although I had not done anything about it. Out of the blue someone from one of the Facebook groups I am in messaged me and asked if I had any to sell. The short version of the story is that first she tried to haggle with me on the price… even though the price I quoted is quite reasonable. She then told me at 6:00 that she would come to pick them up within half an hour, so I waited at home (even though Her Floofness was asking to go out). At 7:30 I messaged her and told her I would be selling them to someone else. She made every excuse and I feel sorry for her but if she got a message that her child was crying, and she needed to turn around then she could have taken fifteen seconds to message me that she had an emergency and would try to come later. She would not take my NO for an answer. I told her that she disrespected me twice (first by haggling, second by ghosting me) and that I would rather help someone respectful. She persisted, so I told her I was taking my dog for a walk… I would happily deal with my dig’s shit, but not with hers.

    Let me clarify something: I respect that everyone has crap going on in their lives, and I understand hardships and stumbles. If her nine-month-old child was throwing up then that really is too bad, and I feel for her. It is a very good reason to change your plans and it might even be a good reason to get within five minutes of your destination and then turn around to go home. It is not a good reason to ghost someone you made a commitment to. Had she texted me then I might have accommodated her. She only reached out to apologize after she saw on Facebook that I had told people she ghosted her. With all due respect, if she had time to be on Facebook then she could have found the time to text me.

    I have more studying to do today, so after the landscapers are finished outside, I will pick a cigar and sit outside with my laptop. Today’s forecast calls for sunny with a very comfortable high of 23°. Despite the chill that has been in the air the last few mornings, we are not quite done with summer just yet. The forecast high temperatures for the next week range from 27° to 33° and sunny every day… with the overnight lows only dropping below 20° twice. Considering the heat that my wife is enduring in Texas I think it laughable to call it a late-summer heatwave, but for Canada that is just what it is… and I will take full advantage of it, especially since it is a long weekend!

    I have stayed true to the program these last two days… and eight of the last nine. With how hard it has been I consider every day that I stay true to the program a huge victory, and I will do my best to extend that streak today. There may be a thousand opportunities to cheat, but I only have this one opportunity to stay true to my word and to keep on track.

    Speaking of streaks (or at least statistics): With this morning’s weight drop there are now only eight days (including today) when I have weighed at or less than what I do now. From May 23rd through May 28th my weight would drop from 251.8 lbs. to 250 lbs. even… and then bounce back up above 253 on the 29th. I have to figure out how to not let that happen again; I want to see my weight continue to drop, and the only way that I can make sure that happens is to stay disciplined and focused. Even when I am at my ideal weight (whatever that may be) I will have to remember that if I plan to stay there.

    On Day 564 I wrote about the bet my wife and I made. Last night I told her that I was changing the bet, seeing as it is clear that I have an advantage because of my metabolism. If she drops 25 lbs. before I drop 40 lbs. then she is the winner. She told me that was not fair, but I reminded her that I have already dropped eleven pounds to the six that she has dropped in the same period… and I have cheated several times in there. Frequent readers might remember my wondering if she might have made the bet to encourage me to stay on track; maybe giving her a point spread is my way of incentivizing her to stay true to the program… especially on days when it is so hard that you just want to give up. I’ll let you in on a little secret… I would be extremely happy if we tied on this bet!

    According to the online calculators I have 19 lbs. to go before my Body Mass Index (BMI) drops below 30, which is the threshold between overweight and obese. It is almost laughable that I am working hard to be overweight, but that is how the medical community sees my next goal after dropping below 250 lbs. Although I doubt I knew anything about BMI back then I have no recollection of ever being anything other than obese after the Army… and looking at the calculator I know that even when I was an elite soldier in the best shape of my life I would still have been classified as obese. To fall under the Normal category for my height I would have to weigh 194 lbs. or less. Before Basic Training I weighed 220 lbs. As I have written previously, the BMI scale does not take muscle mass into account. I do not know if I will ever drop to 194 lbs., or even if I want to try. What I do want is for my body weight to be healthy. As I have said before, I lived too many years ‘playing with the house’s money.’ The fact that I stayed healthy all these years despite my obesity… well, how long can I expect that to go on? No… it is time for me to be slim and healthy.

    I have not heard the power mowers and trimmers for a few minutes, so it is likely the landscapers have moved on. As such, so will I. As I am fond of saying, it is now Cigar O’Clock, and time for me to sit on the balcony to study.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 588

    I woke up this morning all excited to get onto the bathroom scale. Why? I broke my word yesterday. I went for a very long walk (11km) which actually started as a jog for the first kilometre. When I came in, I showered of course, and then stepped onto the scale to see a massive weight loss. Of course, I know that when I weigh myself throughout the day, and especially when doing so after exercising, that it will not be either realistic or indicative of what I would weigh the following morning. When I step onto the scale before bed, I know that whatever the number is I can expect my morning weight to be 2 lbs. less… so when I stepped onto the scale before retiring, I was disappointed by the reality. This morning my weight was down from yesterday… but only by a small fraction of a pound. I was not running to the fridge to cross numbers off.

    My morning started off as it usually does, except that when I came in from walking the Floof I did not prepare my breakfast as I normally would. I did not even make coffee, although I am going to do that in a moment. I am off to the doctor’s office in a few minutes, and I do not want to eat before stepping onto the scale for my official weigh-in. I am expecting to see a 5kg drop from my last official weigh in, which was two months ago. While that would only be a .3kg drop from my previous weigh-in the month before, I want to make sure I am back on track… I don’t have to be kicking ass from May, I only need to show that I am recovered and on my way to being the best me ever. Come to think of it, even if I do show a .3kg drop from May, it will still be my best official weigh-in. Woohoo!

    An added benefit to not eating my breakfast before heading to the doctor is that while I will definitely be hungry as I drive home, I will not want to stop to pick up peanuts (as I have done on several occasions after seeing the doctor). I will want to rush home to make my omelette. Eating late might also (in theory) push my three meal replacements to later, but I will still try to finish all three of them. I know I need the nutrients.

    By the way, not only did I exercise yesterday, but I also did not cheat. I always feel good when I can honestly write that. It can be somewhat frustrating to know that on Tuesday I did cheat, and the following morning my weight dropped .6 lb, but on Wednesday I did not cheat, and the following morning my weight only dropped .2 lb. Grrr! Frustration!

    My coffee is brewing. I will prepare a to-go cup so that when I am finished with the doctor, I can immediately start drinking it in the car. There is no reason for me to wait the extra 30 minutes for me to get home and brew it. It’s amazing the things we think of to try to cut corners for efficiency.

    I’ll continue writing after breakfast, when I am back from the doctor.

    —

    I have no complaints with today’s check-in! I was hoping for a 5kg drop and I exceeded that by half a kilo. My blood pressure and pulse are both extremely good. The doctor encouraged me to be more vigilant with my exercise when I told her that I have been slack these last few weeks (until yesterday). Other than that, all is good.

    My favourite nurse was there for the first time in a few months. Since the change of doctor she is working reduced hours, so I have not seen her in a while. It was good to catch up with her. She has been telling me for months that she is inspired by my progress; I think she wants to try the program herself. I told her that if she wants to get a coffee to discuss what I have done then she can email me, and I will gladly give her all the advice I can.

    I did two things today that I have never done. The first is that I weighed myself with clothes on (on the bathroom scale; I am obviously always dressed at the doctor’s office). I then changed out of my long pants into shorts and weighed myself again. The mercury read 11° when I took Her Royal Floofness for her walk this morning, and there was no way I was going out in shorts. By the time I was ready to head out for my appointment it was only a couple of degrees warmer, but I wanted to be wearing lighter clothes. That might be weird, but the forecast says it will be sunny and 21° today so wearing shorts is not unreasonable. It was all for naught though… there was not one ounce difference in the readings from wearing long pants to short pants. Oh well.

    I have some studying to do today and hopefully my wife will have time for a video cigar date in the afternoon. Other than that my only other plan for the day is to not cheat. I got past the doctor appointment (and scheduled my next appointment the day after I am back from California). Hopefully the timing of my next appointment will serve to keep me in check the week I am away and keep me from indulging too much.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 587

    We are down to eight. There were days between May 22-30 that I weighed less than I do this morning. It is exciting to realize that I am less than 3 lbs. from my best weight ever! This despite the fact that I was weak yesterday and I stopped into the store to buy a handful of peanuts. I will try to do better today.

    This morning was the first time in a few weeks when I was able to move my bowels before weighing myself rather than after breakfast. I know that it is a weird thing to get excited about, but it is real. I met with a diet buddy for coffee yesterday (and to buy more meal replacements). He is not on the same program as I am (he tried it and it was not for him) but he is doing a keto diet, which is what I suspect I will end up doing once I transition off my program. He spent a bit of time discussing the differences in his bowel movements since switching his diet (in a little too much detail, but that’s easily forgiven). If you think about it, what comes out of our body (and how it comes out) is directly related to what goes into it; that being the case, it would therefore be impossible to make a severe switch your diet without seeing a severe change in that. While I am not comfortable discussing poop it is nonetheless relevant to the point of this journal.

    I did something to my knee last night, and I am going to have to pay attention to it these next few days to make sure it is not something I need to have checked out. I do not know what I did, but when I came into the house from the balcony, I realized there was something going on. I got up in the night to put Her Floofness onto the bed and realized that it was still an issue. Before I got out of bed this morning, I was conscious of it and told myself to be careful… and there was no problem. That is, until I took the Floof for her walk. Oh the walk was fine… it was the stairs leading to the walk that reminded me that I am not 100% right now. If there was a chance that I was going to resume my exercise regimen today it is my knee that is telling me that I am better off resuming my studying today. I took the day off from studying yesterday and will resume today.

    I was sitting on the balcony yesterday evening enjoying my pipe when the weather turned. It had been a bit breezy all evening, but suddenly I was getting wet, and the ashes from my ashtray were blowing in my face. I scrambled to get into the house and am relieved that none of my technology got wet – I had both my phone and my iPad in places they could have gotten damaged.

    Okay, it is time for me to get moving. I will stay on track today. I will not cheat. Tomorrow morning I am going to the doctor, and I plan to be much lighter than I was at my last weigh-in… hopefully seven kilos lighter. I cannot hope for that if I do not stay on track today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 586

    Yesterday was the first day in I don’t know how many that I got through the day without my wife being here that I did not cheat at all. It is not easy to get through these days, but I am finding inspiration in my wife. She is an amazing woman who has been through so much; if she is willing to put up with me then I owe it to her to look and to feel as good as I can, and to stay as healthy as I can so as to not make her a widow – or worse, a nursemaid to an infirm husband. I am back on track, and I will keep at it so that I can be the best me that I can be. When I pick her up at the airport in California in just over three weeks, she will see the slimmest Mitch that she has ever seen… I make that promise not to her but to myself.

    By staying true to the program I was rewarded on the bathroom scale this morning, this time by a drop of .6 lbs. Doing as I have done these last few days, there are now twelve days that I registered at or lower than my current weight. There was one day in mid-April, and then from May 20 (when my weight was the same as it is this morning) through May 31st. If I drop another .4 lb tomorrow morning, then that number will drop to nine. With a lot of mindfulness and discipline then within the week that scale should be behind me, and looking forward I will only see uncharted weight territory. How exciting… as long as I can stay true to the program.

    I have two obstacles today that I have to overcome with regard to my goal of staying on track. The first is a couple of errands I have to run in the afternoon. Before I go to see my barber, I have to stop off at an office to sign a few papers, but that is of no concern. I seem to have a pattern of going to Bulk Barn to buy peanuts after getting my hair cut. I have to be mindful that I come straight home after that. The second obstacle is that I am meeting someone to buy more meal replacements; he is someone I was advising on the program but who decided it is not for him, and we are meeting for a cup of coffee. There is no harm in the coffee; what else might be tempting at the café is quite another story. I will gird myself to stay disciplined and will not succumb to any temptations. It is so easy to say or write that at 9:45am, an hour after I finished my breakfast omelette, and in the comfort and safety of my apartment. It is quite another to say it in the face of the temptations. I can only do my very best to stay focused and remember why I am depriving myself of all of those foods that I love… so that I will eventually look and feel better than I have in decades.

    Okay, following the conclusion of that paragraph I should mention that I do now already look and feel much better than I have in decades… it is simply that I want to keep improving upon what I have achieved… looking and feeling even better than I do now. That will only come with discipline, and I know it.

    Last night following my class I had my first meeting in a month with my diet buddy. She has moved to Yukon for the year and so our meetings will all be virtual, but it was great to catch up with her. She told me about some of the challenges that she is facing in her new environment. We can talk about small towns in southern Ontario and joke about it, but they are nothing like the sheer isolation of the great white north. She is a schoolteacher, and the stories of her indigenous students tear at your heart. I remember the expression that ‘There but for the grace of G-d go I.’ Yes, I have experienced a hard and challenging life, but it pales in comparison to how some of those children are growing up. Nearly two months after the move she is still adjusting to her new reality, and I hope that when she does get acclimated she will resume with her weight loss success.

    In speaking with Leslie the other day I realized something horrible. She told me she was tempted by a particular food – I do not remember what – and I told her about a weight loss mantra that I have heard many times over the years: Nothing tastes as good as slim feels. When she told me that it was a mantra for anorexics I was horrified. I did not know that the people who said this suffer from a mental condition that is so unhealthy as to lead to hospitalization and even death. I will never forget that lesson and will tell it to the next person who says it to me.

    I am putting off buying a new hard drive. One of my external storage devices failed yesterday, and it will need to be replaced. Fortunately there was nothing critical on it, but I do need the device. I am thinking of purchasing a network attached storage (NAS) device to replace it, but I do not feel like spending the money just now. I have other priorities, and I will hold off a while. I think before I buy that, I should probably buy my server… which I have put off buying because I just do not feel like spending the money right now. There is no connection between that and the meal replacements I am buying today (which will set me back over $500 for what I am buying, and which cannot be put on a credit card); I need to eat, and while my storage will be a little tighter now than it was previously, I am sure I will be able to make do for a couple of months.

    Okay, I suppose it is time for me to get on with it. I am going to see if my wife is available, and if not then I will get a couple of hours of studying in before heading out for my first set of errands.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 585

    I was surprised that I was able to cross off another number on the fridge this morning. That makes three numbers in four days, and the seventh day straight that my weight has dropped. I once again feel bad for Leslie who was not happy with the number she saw on the scale yesterday morning, even though she is working so much harder at the program than I am. I also owe her a big thank you, and I told her about it yesterday when we were chatting as she waited for her much-delayed flight.

    We left the apartment at 11:00am to drive to Cambridge to see Ryan (and his sister) and smoke cigars. It was a lovely afternoon, except I made a mistake. I left the house without taking meal replacements with me. I had eaten my usual omelette in the morning but that was all. Leslie offered to share one of her remaining American meal replacements with me, which we shared at around 1:00pm. We left Cambridge around 4:30pm which would have me dropping her at the airport by around 5:30pm, so without any traffic I would be getting home by 6:15pm or so.

    I was not going to make it. I was hungry and I was not going to be able to make it until 6:15pm. As we sat in traffic on the Trans Canada Highway, I was thinking to myself that I could drop her off art the airport and then look for a convenience store to buy a bag of peanuts. Leslie would be at the airport, and she wouldn’t need to know. She was gone, and so was her scrutiny which had kept me honest during her visit. I started to salivate as I anticipated with gusto the snack I would be enjoying within a short half-hour!

    We were probably fifteen minutes out from the airport when she turned to me and said, ‘Okay… so what are you not going to do tonight?’ Without hesitation I replied ‘Cheat! I will not cheat!’ That was the answer she was looking for. Satisfied, we spent the rest of the car ride basking in our last few minutes of togetherness before she would walk into the terminal.

    Princess Sophie and I drove straight home making no stops along the way. As soon as we got into the apartment, I prepared my meal replacement. I then texted her to let her know that I owed it to her that I did not fall off the program… even if for a minute. I also told her that I do not know what will happen today or tomorrow… but my success on Sunday I owed entirely to her – first for sharing her meal replacements with me, and then for inspiring me to not cheat in the evening. For as many times as I have credited her support and encouragement for my success, this was one more time that it was a specific incident rather than a general helping.

    Over the last couple of days we also discussed my wardrobe, and I made an appointment with the Hong Kong tailor who will be in Hamilton for two days in September – the day I fly back from California, and the next day. Leslie suggested colours for shirts – navy blue, green, and purple. I am surprised she says I look good in green but that is likely because after the Army I spent so much effort avoiding that colour that I started thinking it was just because I did not look good in it. I trust my wife’s sense of fashion and style better than my own, so I will look for something green! I hope that I can be at my lowest weight ever by then (it is precisely thirty days from today), even though I will just be back from spending a week in California where I will try to eat well, but I will not be sticking to the program.

    With regard to my progress: I am now four pounds from my best weight ever, and as that number shrinks so too does the number of days when I weighed less. My spreadsheet shows thirteen days when my weight was lower than this morning’s; with the exception of a single day in April, all of those were between May 20 and May 31. It took me eight days to drop from 256.2 (what I weighed on May 19) down to 250 lbs…. and then just five days for my weight to jump back to 254.6 lbs… my weight on June 1. My plan is to not fall off this time, and to lose as much as I can between now and October.

    There is nothing particular about October 1… other than it is the beginning of a month. With that said, now that I might be back on track, it is not a bad time to try to set some new short-term goals.

    • This week: Stay on track! I am seeing my doctor on Thursday, and I would love to see my best ever medical weigh-in. I could, in theory, stay put where I am now and achieve that… as long as I stripped naked and stepped onto her scale the same way I do my own every morning. To be safe, I would love to continue with my current pace of .8 lb. per day, but assuming that unrealistic I would be thrilled if I could lose another 1-2 lbs. in these next few days.
    • Within the next ten days (that is, by September 7) I would like to drop below 250 lbs. for the first time in my post-Army life.
    • If I can maintain a weight-loss pace of 3.5 lbs. per week (or .5 lb. per day) between now and Rosh Hashana (the evening of September 15) then I would weigh just under 245 lbs. by then!
    • Maintaining that pace, the day I pick my wife up from Los Angeles International Airport I would weigh 242 lbs.!
    • Even if my pace were to abate somewhat, at a .3 lb. per day average drop (2.1 lbs. per week) then I would still weigh 246.8 lbs. when I pick Leslie up at the airport on the 20th. Even that would be a success!
    • Knowing that the week in California will be a difficult one to stay on track, I am nevertheless hoping that my weight the morning of September 27 – that is, the day of my appointment with the tailors – I should weigh between 245-250 lbs., which would be as much as a twenty-seven pound loss from my last visit at the beginning of March.

    How can I achieve these short-term weight loss goals? It is simple, but not easy. I just have to stay on track and not veer from the path.

    Sometimes it is fun to dream, imagining what I could achieve if I never veered from the program. I plugged some numbers into my spreadsheet to see when I would drop to 220 lbs. losing an average of .3, .4, and .5 lb. per day. At .3 lb. per day I would weigh 219.8 on December 20. At .4 lb. per day I would weigh 220.0 on November 21. At .5 lb. per day I would weigh 220 lbs. on November 4. All it would take is dedication without faltering, and no matter which way it goes by the end of this calendar year I would be a very reasonable 220 lbs. Not a bad dream, huh? How about we try to get through the next week or two without faltering… then we can look past that.

    I have a lot of studying to do this week so most of the days I will spend either watching videos of classes or else reading. If the weather forecast for the week holds up, then a lot of that studying will be done on the balcony. It would not bother me one bit if I could smoke a couple of cigars while advancing my mind… all the while preparing for a few exams I have to take and then a couple of classes I need to be ready to teach. It should all be good fun!

    My plan is to do just that… stay on track, studying on the balcony and smoking my cigars, preparing my meal replacements as needed (and properly timed). Tomorrow, I have to go out as I have a haircut scheduled, but there is no reason for me to leave the apartment today except for taking Her Floofness for a walk. I was able to stay on track yesterday, so there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to do so again today. If I can stay on track today, then there is no reason why I cannot stay on track tomorrow. That is how I have to continue to think.

    Have a great day folks!