Losing a part of me

Category: body

  • Day 939

    When I set out on my last challenge to myself in May, I weighed 291.8 lbs. and would lose just over twenty pounds before my downward slide began. This morning, having dropped 8.6 lbs. Since Sunday, I am one pound over that number. I am going to stay on track this time… I am going to keep losing weight no matter what comes my way. 

    I cheated again last night… in much the same manner as I had the previous few nights. I will try to do better today. 

    One thing that is better this morning is that I was able to walk up the stairs when coming in from my walk with Princess Sophie. I have been walking (or limping) down the stairs, but I believe today is the first time in several weeks that I was able to walk/jog up them. It felt good! Hopefully this weekend I will be able to do some exercise; we will see how I am feeling. 

    After a completely gorgeous week (during which I was stuck inside during the days), the weekend forecast is for rain beginning this evening and going right through Monday… when I will once again be stuck inside working the whole week. I cannot complain though; I have had the freedom to spend a lot of time outside in the sun this summer. Now it is time for me to earn some money. 

    I might have a couple of errands to run over the weekend, but overall I am going to be preparing for next week’s class. Additionally, I am hoping that I will be able to do some exercise… whether that is outside or on my treadmill. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 938

    Yesterday evening was somewhat similar to the previous one, insofar as I veered from the program… but not very far. Following my class, I went to the store and bought the provisions I had planned for (minus the coffee, which means I will have to go back today). I came home and prepared my early-evening meal replacement. I was still hungry, so I made myself an omelette, and then had a protein bar. That is a very large aberration from the norm but was offset by my not eating anything else (including my late meal replacement) until bed. Nevertheless, I was worried that I would not lose weight – or even gain a little – this morning. Fortunately, that was not the case. My weight is now down 8.4 lbs. Since Sunday morning. I feel I did a little better yesterday than I did the previous day; I will try to do a little better today than I did yesterday. 

    My knee is hardly bothering me at all this morning! I am not completely out of the woods yet, but I am still much better than I have been in the last couple of weeks. I am not going to stop taking the anti-inflammatories just yet, but I am relieved for the improvement. Hopefully by this weekend I will be able to get some exercise in. 

    It is another sunny and beautiful day in Burlington, but I have the air conditioner going and the balcony door closed yet again because there is a very loud road crew working outside. Hopefully this afternoon I’ll be able to open the door and enjoy some fresh air as I teach. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 937

    I was weak last evening. I felt weak, and I gave in to a little temptation. I did not go overboard, but I did break from the program; I made myself a small (2-egg) omelette, and then I ate a protein bar (which is equivalent to drinking an extra meal replacement). I told my wife about the omelette but I think that by the time we spoke, I had forgotten about the protein bar. It was not meant to be dishonest. In any event, I was worried that I would gain weight from these. Fortunately, I did not. Indeed, my weight dropped again this morning. According to the bathroom scale, I dropped another 1.2 lbs., which brings me below the 295 mark for the first time since July 30. I have to keep going though… two days of progress does not a success make. 

    I told Leslie last night that my next goal is to drop to 280 lbs. By the time she visits. That means I have to stay true to the program for the next 3.5 weeks. It means that I am going to have to decline a number of social invitations over the weekend which will be sad, but necessary. I want to get back on track, and the last few weeks have proven to me that I cannot do that if I am going to make an exception for every occasion. 

    We also discussed my failure to maintain a reasonable weight. I have not even been able to type into this journal that horrible number that my weight exceeded four times over the past few weeks. I must be strong and get back on track, which means getting my weight as far below that number as I can. I know that she will love me whatever my weight, but it is not so easy to love myself when I am that morbidly obese. Without going into detail, there was a marked improvement to certain parts of our relationship as I dropped the weight… and if for no other reason than that, then being back above that number is somewhere I never want to be again! Of course, there are also all of the nice clothes that I have that I want to be able to continue to wear more comfortably, and those that I have that do not currently fit at all. Two of my suits fit and two of my sports jackets fit (but tightly), and the rest do not. As for shirts… I know that some of them are tight, and others are not wearable. I will get back into all of them… and soon. 

    It is a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, but I will be teaching until nearly 5:00pm. No problem… once I am off I will shed my jacket and tie, and I will put on a pair of shorts and a golf shirt. After I have my second meal replacement of the day I will go shopping for coffee and eggs and the vegetables I need for my omelettes, and then I will take Princess Sophie for a nice walk. I will follow that up with a cigar on the balcony. Leslie’s son is coming home to her this afternoon, so I do not know if we will be able to have a video date. If we can, then yay! If not, then I will read. 

    Yesterday after class I took Her Floofness for her walk, and then I took a nap. That allowed me to have a cigar date with my wife in the evening. Monday evening, I was so tired that I could not, and I thought I might be sick until Leslie reminded me that my body was rebelling against the severely reduced caloric intake. I am hoping that either today or tomorrow my body will be in ketosis and that will be behind me. If not, then I will take more naps. I will not sabotage my progress by eating (as I did yesterday). At least when I ate yesterday, was not carbs or starches, so I did mostly stay with the program. Hopefully today I can do better. 

    Can I get down under 290 lbs. By the weekend? That would be great. I will not veer from my program which would sabotage myself. Let’s see if I can do it. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 935

    I told my wife last night that as of this morning I would be eating breakfast, and then I would only be eating meal replacements. It is now 1:10pm and I have had my first meal replacement and while I am a bit hungry still, I am going to see this through. 

    When I stepped onto the bathroom scale yesterday morning, I was disgusted with myself. I expected to see the same this morning, but possibly a minor drop. No sir, the bathroom scale had me a full 3.4 lbs. Down from yesterday, and back below that terrible number. That does not mean that I am changing my plan. I will lose ten pounds this week! Okay, that is a bit ambitious… but I do want to get below two or three numbers that I had said were terrible before I got to the last terrible one… and I am going to stick to it. I realized last night that there is no chicken and no vegetables for salad in the house. I will go shopping this evening, but only to buy onions (for my breakfast omelette) and coffee beans (which I am running low on). That is is. 

    I am teaching this week, so my days are going to be busy. As for my evenings, I will spend a great deal of time on the balcony with a cigar. I will get back on track this week… I promise me! 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 933

    I did not realize that my ‘joining people for meals to celebrate’ obligations were starting last night. We went to the pub and I had fish and chips… a bad choice, but certainly not the worst thing I could have ordered. I paid for it this morning… but not as bad as it could have been. Without being able to move my bowels, my weight was back up to exactly that terrible number. This weekend will be difficult but hopefully tomorrow afternoon I’ll be able to get back on track.

    My doctor confirmed the pain in my knee is indeed caused by gout, and we adjusted my meds accordingly. I am crossing my fingers that by next week my knee will be fully healed and I will be able to do some exercise. In the meantime, yesterday was the first day in a few weeks that my step count exceeded 9,500.

    I knew that I would not sleep well or much last night. My sleep score is an abysmal 33. I was both too excited to sleep well, and also kept waking up afraid I might oversleep. I left the house before 5:00am today, already in a suit and tie. As I type this I am at the airport waiting for my friend. It will be great to see him!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 930

    Thank G-d my weight dropped below that horrible number this morning. I will eat as I did yesterday, which is to say that I will have lunch, and then in the evening I will have a meal replacement.

    My knee is feeling somewhat better than it was a couple of days ago. I am still in pain, but not the debilitating pain that I was in a couple of days ago. I have cut the meds to one pill three times per day instead of two pills. I am also using the Voltaren cream pretty liberally, but not as often as it was. I will ice it this evening as well.

    I am stressed about the class I am delivering tomorrow. I think I am as prepared as I am ever going to be… but I really wish I had not agreed to teach it. My goal for today is to not eat my stress and anxiety.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 929

    My knee is feeling somewhat better this morning, which is to say that I was able to get a decent night’s sleep, and I did not need ten minutes to get out of bed. The downside is that my weight has ballooned, and that sucks. I hit a number this morning that I never wanted to see again. It better be only for a single day.

  • Day 928

    I was not pleased this morning to see that I gained a few ounces from yesterday, despite having only eaten two meals and a meal replacement shake. Truth be told, my afternoon meal was large, and I should cut that down today. That is the plan.

    I also know that while I am getting a decent number of steps in every day, owing to the pains in my knee it is not really exercise. For the same reason, I am also not sleeping well. I truly hope that within a day or two the meds finally do their job, and the pain will subside. We will see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 926

    I broke two of my own rules this morning. The first: I ate a handful of peanuts before taking Princess Sophie out for her walk. The new anti-inflammatory meds that I am on need to be taken with food because they can cause stomach problems. I had already weighed myself (and was disgusted by the two-pound gain from yesterday), so I decided the benefits outweighed the importance of the rule. The second: I weighed myself again after the walk, despite the peanuts. I had another very good bowel movement after the walk, and I decided that if there might be a little improvement over the disgusting first weight then I would take it. In fact, I had dropped a full pound from the earlier weigh-in, so while I am still up from yesterday, it is not as bad as I feared. It is still disgusting.

    I stuck to the plan yesterday, except for a roll in the evening. Why did I eat a roll at 9:15pm, you may ask? Remember those anti-inflammatory meds I mentioned a minute ago? My stomach was bothering me. It would be difficult to explain just how much pain my knee was in these last three days, and so the meds were necessary. The doctor warned me that there might be more than slight stomach discomfort if I did not take the meds with food. I was not going to risk it. This afternoon I will stop into the supermarket to pick up some celery to eat if I need food late in the evening.

    I took a break from writing and now I am back at the computer, but only to close it up and post it. I’m heading up to Georgetown to see some friends for a couple of hours.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 912

    My weight dropped to exactly 290 lbs. this morning, which is a decent drop, but not as much as it would have been had I not had the challah last night to say the blessing. Not sorry at all.

    Frankly, I am sure my weight would have dropped a bit more had I voided my bowels before weighing myself. Let me rephrase, because I actually did… but after I finished walking Her Floofness, I started making breakfast and felt the urge; too many things were on the go already (on the stove, etc.) so I decided not to. After breakfast, I had another significant bowel movement, and suspect it would have been an even more substantial loss. Oh well!

    My plans for today are a bit up in the air, but I am hoping that they firm up quickly. Whatever happens, I am going to try to be disciplined with food.

    ***

    I posted the following on my Facebook wall last night:

    There is hope!

    I was sitting in the barber’s chair discussing some of the anti-Israel Nazi protesters. She and I have known each other over a year, and she knows my position. I said something about the ‘Israel’s genocide of the poor innocent Hamas supporters in Gaza (sarcastically). The gentleman sitting waiting for the other barber loudly said ‘Excuse me? Do you really believe that garbage? All of the protesters are really just antisemites who hate Jews.’

    In nine months this was not nearly the first time that someone has agreed with me on the issue… but it was the first time anyone who did not know me stood up and said ‘HEY! The Jews have a right to exist and defend themselves and to get their hostages back by any means necessary.’ I asked the barber to give me a minute… I pulled off the cape to reveal my Israeli flag pin and my yellow ribbon pin. I told him my REAL position. I then thanked him for helping to restore my faith in humanity… if only for a minute, and if only a little bit.

    The Holocaust did not happen because EVERY German was a Nazi and agreed with the Nazis. It happened because good people stayed silent because they did not think it was their business to get involved.

    SPEAK UP! What we are seeing today is not different from Germany in the 1930s. The only difference today is that WE – Israel and the IDF – are stronger and smarter and know what’s at stake. Most of us don’t believe that ‘It can’t happen again’ because our parents said that and IT HAPPENED. With all of the lies and vitriol being spread it sometimes feels like we are alone… and if that’s what is going to be then we’ll face it alone… and we’ll win. But man, does it feel good to know that we still have some righteous gentiles who are willing to speak up for the side of right.

    If you think it won’t make a difference, then let me tell you something… this guy made my week. I’ve not been having a good time of it lately, but this guy really fed my soul and showed me that we may feel isolated… but we are not.

    I wish I got his name… I wish I had told him what his standing up for my country and my people meant to me. I wish I could have given him a hug. Thank you, Sir.

    If you think it doesn’t matter to anyone, trust me… this man meant everything to me.

    ***

    Have a great day folks!