Losing a part of me

Category: body

  • Day 911

    I completely spaced on my plans yesterday, and that cost me. My weight was up to slightly over 290 lbs., but I know what I did wrong… and promise to not do it again.

    With a minor exception (I had a roll in the afternoon) I have stuck to the plan today, although the day is not over yet. My class starts in five minutes. At the evening break I will have a meal replacement shake, and if I can stick to just that, then my weight should be back down tomorrow morning.

    One thing that I should mention is that I had not been able to move my bowels the last couple of days. This afternoon I felt like I was able to completely make up for the three days of backup. It was, to say the least, a relief.

    In a different context, Leslie and I discussed fibre this afternoon. At the time I had still not been to the toilet, and I told her that when I made my shake this evening. I would be adding a spoon of fibre to it. Despite my success this afternoon, I still feel that is a good idea.

    Have a great evening folks!

  • Day 909

    I spent the entire yesterday walking around like a zombie. I could not for the life of me figure out why I was so exhausted! I took three naps during the day – unheard of for me… unless I was sick. Post hoc ergo propter hoc, I must have been sick, right?! 

    No, I was not sick… I was stupid… and if it was not for Microsoft and WordPress telling me that it was bad grammar, I would capitalize the first letter of that word. 

    I had run out of one of my medications. Okay, I called the pharmacy and asked them to refill it, which would not be a problem. In the meantime, I did not take the meds in the morning. I was not only exhausted throughout the day, but as the witching hour approached, and as I waited for my laundry (read: my bedding) to dry, the fatigue hit me hard. Had I realized that I had not taken my medications, I would not have been so worried… but there were a few minutes when I wondered if I was truly sick. It was only once I got into bed and checked the messages on my phone that I realized that yes, the pharmacy had messaged me that my prescription refill was ready to be picked up… but the message had been lost in the shuffle. That made the lightbulb go off, and I realized why I was feeling so bad. 

    For the second day in a row, my weight is back above 290 lbs., and I am not pleased about that. With that said, I did not eat anything bad today, and I am hoping to see some weight loss tomorrow morning. 

    Lesson learned: Do not mess with the meds! 

  • Day 890

    I did not gain any weight this morning, but I also did not lose any. I have essentially fallen off the wagon these last couple of days (I think I am doing better today), but I am trying to get myself back on track. That is not to say that I want to be back on the program just yet, because I do not. I will take it up again once Leslie’s visit is over. It is just too hard (both emotionally and physically) to get onto the program… and then to only do it for a few days would be agony.

    After several days of nothing, I have finally been able to move my bowels well today… twice. It was a relief to be able to do so before I took Her Floofness for her walk this morning, but to be able to do it again around noon was great relief… literally.

    I slept more last night than I had the previous two nights, but I am not sure how good the sleep was. According to my fitness watch, I slept a full nine hours, but not well enough to bring my stress levels down. At least I won’t be walking around like a zombie all day!

    Weight loss is never easy… I am going to get back on track. While I am not getting onto the complete program again, I would like to just get through the next few days without cheating too badly. If I do, then hopefully I can drop back to 280 lbs. by the morning Leslie arrives.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 884

    I was not feeling better at all yesterday, even though the start of the day was promising. I was happy to get through the day (although I did need to take a nap before class and thank G-d that I did!), and even got 7,300 steps in. That included a trip to the supermarket and dry cleaners. While my trip to the supermarket was for a specific reason, I did not get out entirely unscathed; I stopped at the bakery and bought a single roll, and when I got home, I toasted it and enjoyed it with avocado oil (a non-margarine spread) on one side, and grated cheese on the other. I ate this in place of one meal replacement. I am not sure, but I suspect that the carbs helped to settle the evil serotonin receptors in my stomach which have been wreaking havoc on my system these last few days.

    This morning’s bowel movement was no better than any of the myriad BMs of the last couple of days. Nevertheless, I do feel that I am doing better today than I was Thursday or Friday. I am cautiously optimistic that I just might be on the other side of the worst of things. We’ll see.

    Leslie and I had a lovely cigar date over the last three hours. What started out as a beautiful day turned, within the last fifteen minutes, into an extremely rainy storm. I was not expecting it, although the forecast did call for rain today. That rain is really coming down now.

    It is now 1:20pm. I have had to sit on the potty once in the interim, but despite that I am feeling much better today than I did yesterday. My stomach is still feeling a little weak, but overall, I am feeling good. Yay! I think I can now say with confidence that while I might possibly not be completely better, I am certainly over the worst of it.

    My weight was up by .4 lb. this morning. It is possible that is because of the roll that I broke down and purchased yesterday, but it is more likely due to the large quantity of Gatorade that I have ingested these past few days. While the drink is not high in calories, the sodium content is pretty high (270mg per bottle), and I remember Leslie telling me a few months ago that she was not losing weight when she drank it. If it is the sodium, then tomorrow or Monday I should see a significant loss as that is flushed from my system. I was not terribly put off by the slight gain, but it helps psychologically to know why it happened… and that the effects should only be temporary.

    Yes, I bought an ate a roll yesterday. I am reasonably sure that the ill-effects of my withdrawal symptoms were exacerbated by the fact that there was no solid food in my stomach. Leslie told me that there are serotonin receptors in the stomach, and the food (especially the carbohydrates) would have mitigated at least some of those issues. I remember as a child my mother would always give me dry toast when I had stomach issues (especially diarrhea). Maybe there was something to that. No, I did not have the roll dry, but that’s another story. The fact that I only had a single roll with how I was feeling, and not more and worse foods, is a minor win.

    I slept much better last night than I did the previous two, both because I did not have to get up several times to visit the bathroom and because the discomfort was much less. According to my fitness watch my sleep score was 82 (both with good balance, and a full 7h54 minutes), and my body battery was 43 when I woke up… which is still lousy, but it is still much higher than the 16 that I had yesterday morning. I am still going to take it easy today, but I might get onto the treadmill when I get home… I know that had I tried to exercise yesterday it would have been a total disaster.

    I am nearly finished with my second meal replacement of the day. I am still feeling at least some need to sit on the toilet before I go out, but it is not as pressing as it was so many times yesterday. As I taught last night, I had to keep a ten-minute timer on standby so that if I needed to (as I did twice during my class) I could give the students a break without them not knowing when I would return. Were I teaching today I would be doing the same thing, but if things continue as they have, I doubt I will need to by the time Monday’s class starts.

    I am going to drive to Grimsby this afternoon to pick up a shirt that I ordered. I am excited to see it – while I have a few items with Masonic logos on them, this will be the first that I have with my Lodge’s logo. It is very exciting! Yes, for someone who spent so many years essentially branded by Microsoft, and who later vowed to not be ‘logoed’ anymore, that is weird… but Freemasonry is different. I am not advertising a corporation but am instead proudly sporting the logo of a fraternal organization of which I am proud to be a member.

    Okay, I am going to head out… after a quick (hopefully) stop on the potty. I look forward to no longer needing to plan every trip out of the house around unpredictable bowel movements. I hope that by the time I am back the rain will be in the rearview mirror and that I can once again enjoy relaxing on the balcony with a good book.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 883

    It was late in the morning yesterday that I first realized that I not only had frequent diarrhea, but I was also experiencing bouts of stomach pains that were more than just a bit uncomfortable. These would increase and decrease throughout the day, but at no point yesterday was I just feeling fine. In fact, I did something yesterday that I have never done before. I have been using the meal replacement shakes on and off since the end of March 2017. In those seven years I have never discarded half a shake because I just could not stomach it. I was in bed by 6:30, and while I did not really sleep until 2:00am, I did my best to stay put.

    I felt bad that I had not taken Princess Sophie out for a second walk yesterday, so when she asked me to at 1:00am I got dressed and took her outside. This was not going to be a long walk because I did not have the energy, but it is not fair to make her pay for my illness. As we walked out of the building, we saw about thirty feet to our left a skunk, so we paid special attention to give her a lot of space. If I hardly had the energy to walk her, I doubt I would have had the strength to de-skunk her. From a distance, skunks are actually very cute animals. I will always make a point to observe them only from a good distance.

    I wrote yesterday that these digestive tract issues were related to my taking too much fibre the previous days. I no longer believe that, and I have Leslie to thank for helping me to realize it. She suggested that it might be due to illness (such as norovirus), or withdrawal. Last week I stopped taking my antidepressants. Among the possible symptoms of withdrawal from Escitalopram are chills (had those), Digestive issues (incl. nausea, cramps, diarrhea, and appetite loss – yep), and sleep problems (definitely). Before you say, ‘but you stopped taking the pills over a week ago!’ I would also point to one article which reads: ‘…withdrawal symptoms typically begin one to three days after the last dose. Although, rarely they can start sooner (within hours) or later (more than a week).’

    Knowing that these issues are not because of something I ate, and that despite not eating any solid food in two days I am still having terrible diarrhea, there were several times during the day yesterday (and into the night) that I thought to myself that by not eating solid food, I was making things harder on my bowels. It would have been easy to say ‘I need to eat for a day or two or three to have something in my system so that my system can expel something’ but so far, I have not. I did replace my evening meal replacement shake with a protein bar (which I ate much later than I should have), so I guess there is at least something solid in my system to expel.

    I also suspected yesterday that despite all of the water I was drinking, I might be getting dehydrated (which is not uncommon with diarrhea). As such, I ran to the supermarket and picked up a couple of six-packs of Gatorade Zero. I was happy that they had my favourite flavour (grape). I had three of them before the night was over, and I had another one this morning. I may have been imagining it, but I might have seen a slight purple coloration in the toilet before I flushed… or that could have been my mind playing tricks on me (in turn, a common symptom of severe dehydration).

    I admit that we the extreme pooping I did yesterday, I was slightly disappointed to see a drop in my weight of only 1.4 lbs. from yesterday. Given what I endured, I thought it might have been more extreme, but alas it was not. I still was able to, for the third time in as many days, cross off another number on the chart on my fridge. I restarted the program on May 22, when I was 53.2 lbs. higher than my best weight ever. There have been several stops in the last month but despite all of them I have lost 20.2 lbs. in that time, and I am extremely happy with that. I am now 33 lbs. from my best weight ever, and I will get back there by the fall.

    According to my fitness watch, my sleep score was an abysmal 33. Despite being in bed from 6:30pm until 7:30am, it measured less than five hours of actual sleep (and even that I feel is optimistic). My body battery recharged to a laughable 13. Needless to say I am going to take today very easy, although I will absolutely be taking her Floofness out for another walk so that I do not have to do so in the middle of the night.

    I woke up this morning thinking that I was feeling much better than yesterday… despite another very loose experience on the toilet, my head seemed clearer, and I was not chilled. By the time Princess Sophie and I were on the last leg of our morning walk, all of those symptoms were back… albeit not (yet) as severe as they were yesterday. I am hoping that I am getting better, and that these issues will be behind me by the time I have to teach this evening.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 882

    Wow. I wrote to Leslie late last night (after we were usually both in bed and asleep) that I would not be adding fibre into my shakes today. The way things have gone since then, I am going to hold off a couple of days before resuming with a single teaspoon of the powder. I honestly lost track of how many times I had to run to the toilet between yesterday morning and this morning, but it is certainly over ten. I am relieved that I did not need to do so either while I was out walking or during my class. With that said, just between the time I climbed into bed and the time I finally fell asleep I made four or five trips… plus one at 5:15am; yes, I have also had two movements this morning. While in moderation fibre will indeed help keep your bowels regular, in excess it can cause days where you are better off just camping out in the loo.

    I joked with Leslie this morning (prior to my weighing myself) that with all of those trips to the bathroom, combined with my actually staying true to the program yesterday (with no additions or substitutions) it was likely I would have dropped between 7-10 pounds. In fact, my weight dropped another 2.2 lbs., bringing my weight drop since Saturday morning to 8.8 lbs.! I gleefully crossed off another number on the fridge chart for the second day in a row. The last time I weighed less than I did this morning was March 5. I am only 6.4 lbs. from my weight on January 1, and thirteen pounds from my best weight of 2024 (January 22).

    Excuse me while I run back to the toilet…

    Okay I am back… and this is getting a wee bit ridiculous. It is a good thing that I am drinking as much water as I am, because otherwise I would have to start worrying about dehydration. As it is, I might head to the supermarket to pick up some Gatorade Zero to ensure my electrolytes don’t drop below acceptable levels.

    When I was a kid, I had a friend named Mark Nadler who I remember had to drink a glass of Metamucil every day (in addition to taking Flintstones Vitamins… it’s amazing the things I remember from before I turned ten). I never understood why, nor why I did not need to. I assume it was because whatever else I might say about her (and I can say plenty), my mother made sure we ate well balanced meals… or else!

    As I spoke with Leslie last night, I was reminded of my last visit to my Hong Kong tailor who commented that I had gained quite a bit of weight since my last fitting. It was only a seven-pound difference, but it was noticeable… and I can certainly notice it, as some of the clothes that I ordered in September do not currently fit… or I should say that they did not fit a week ago, but they seem to all (except for one vest) fit now. Yay! I suppose there is something to be said for the fibre cleaning out my colon! Nevertheless, I am this morning 7.2 lbs. heavier than I was when I visited the tailor at the end of February, and about 15 lbs. heavier than I was on the previous trip in September. My goal is now to make sure I lose at least those 20 lbs. more before they return in September, and that not only will all of my current wardrobe fit, but I will also be able to order new clothes with a smaller cut than I ever have. That will take some work, but it is certainly a short-term goal to strive for… assuming the end of September counts as short-term?

    I kept my promise to myself yesterday and walked but did not jog. It was hot! For the first time in recent memory, not only did I finish the water bottle that I brought with me from home, but toward the end of the walk I also stopped off and bought another bottle of water and a bottle of Gatorade Zero. I walked 7.35km with an average pace of 9m44s/km. Not bad, considering the mercury was pushing 33° Celsius, and there was almost no cloud cover to speak of.

    We have another heat warning in effect for today, but the high temperature is forecast to hit 30°C and no higher. With that said, I might take another break from exercising because of my current bowel issues… I do not think it wise to stray too far from the toilet, and my Lodge brethren who are coming over will understand completely.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 880

    I told Leslie that I would not overdo it yesterday on my jog/walk, but I am not sure if I followed through on that or not. While the thermometer read 31°, it hardly felt to be over 22° (probably because of the wind), and it even rained for about fifteen minutes. All this to say that I ended up jogging the first 2km (average pace 7m20s) and then walked another 9.65km (average pace 9m48s) … with a few stops. I stopped under the railway bridge to escape the worst of the rain, then I stopped into three different stores (Bulk Bark, once again to escape the rain, and to collect some almonds to nourish my body!), and I stopped into both Shopper’s Drug Mart and Longo’s to do a bit of necessary shopping – including replenishing both my fibre and my coffee. It was a successful walk indeed, although I confess, I probably overdid it just a little bit. My total steps for the day (which included two walks with Princess Floof) came to 22,742… by far my highest step count since my first full day in Havana in February (and only the fifth day this calendar year that I have exceeded 20,000 steps). I am definitely feeling the effects in both my legs and my back today. In fact, I think I will go and take a Tylenol…

    Okay, I did that, and also a few other tasks that needed to be performed today. Now I can continue to write, and then try to get some work done.

    I ate two things off the program yesterday: I already mentioned that I bought a handful of almonds at Bulk Barn during my walk. In the evening, I was still quite hungry, and I decided to indulge with a protein bar. I regretted it at the time, but knowing how much exercising I did throughout the day I do not think it was the worst thing I could have done.

    There are probably two other things (aside from my exercise and my meal replacements) that account for my weight loss these last couple of days. I have been drinking a lot of water, and I have been adding at least three teaspoons of fibre powder to my meal replacements each day. I suppose that may also account for the fact that for the second day in a row, I had a decent bowel movement in the morning, and then after my morning shake, I had a second one. I will probably lower that to two teaspoons per day, as I do not think I will really have enough solids in my body to warrant it. We’ll see how I continue to do.

    Speaking of weight loss, my weight dropped another 1.6 lbs. this morning, bringing me below my weight from the day that I decided to go off the program for a week (which became two weeks). It is still .6 lb. higher than the previous day, which would be my lowest weight since I rededicated myself to the program, and my lowest weight since March 12. My lowest weight of this calendar year was 259.4 lbs. on January 22; I am currently 17.8 lbs. from that day, and I am hoping to get back there pretty quickly. Of course, I know that in sixteen days Leslie will be arriving, and no matter how well I do between now and then I will be taking a week off the program while she is here. I doubt that I can lose nearly eighteen pounds in sixteen days, but it would be great to be under that by the end of July.

    (It can also be noted that I weigh 38.6 lbs. more than my best weight ever, which was on October 18 of last year… 244 days ago. If I can get back to that weight by October 18 then I will have lost a year but regained my footing and all of my progress.)

    I think I will take a day to rest from exercising today, if only to give my sore leg muscles time to recover. With that said, I ate two things off the program yesterday, and I will try to not do that today… although if I can keep it to one of the two, then I will be satisfied with that success.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 875

    I did not fall asleep until very late last night, although that was my fault. I lost track of time as I was listening to the last chapters of the book on tape that I have been listening to. Yes, I realize that audiobooks have not been on tapes in years, but that is still what I call them. By the time I was sawing lumber it was probably 2:00am. Were it not for Her Royal Floofness, I might have been able to sleep in… but responsible pet parents know that is not an option. My fitness watch reads just under 4.5 hours of sleep, although that is not usually accurate. I would estimate that I got closer to five hours of sleep before the gorgeous girl told me that it was time for me to get out of bed.

    It is a lovely day out, even though the forecast is for high winds later in the day. We walked a little farther than usual because she wanted to go another route, but when she started walking into the street (carefully after looking both ways) without my permission, I decided it was time for her to walk me on the leash. I do not mind her cheekiness when I am not in a rush (as I was not this morning), but when it comes to safety, all bets are off.

    I did not exercise yesterday. I also did not waste my day away. I rearranged the furniture in my apartment, and after nearly three years living here, I am absolutely thrilled by what I accomplished. I spent five hours on the task, which considering the size of the apartment (and the fac that I was really just rearranging a single room) sounds ridiculous… even to me. With that said, I truly feel that the end result is worth it. Long-time readers of my blog may remember that when I started out, I had sorted all of my clothes that did not fit into large plastic containers (by size). While a couple of the containers are still in use (for other things mostly), I found two of them and filled them with books that are now in my storage locker downstairs. While I did keep some of them upstairs (mostly my cigar library and books on Israel), the vast majority of the clutter has been put away. I love having them, but I also love having a cleaner and less cluttered space. While I do not consider that exercise, I did get 8500 steps in yesterday… not bad for an off day!

    While I was not 100% true to my program (I went and bought some almonds), I still lost nearly 1.5 lbs. this morning. I am now 3.6 lbs. away from where I was at my best weight of this go-around… and 4.2 lbs. from crossing off another number on the chart on my fridge. You remember that chart? The one that is counting down my weight loss until I shave my beard! No, I have not forgotten about that.

    Part way through writing this article I felt the urge, and for the second time today I moved my bowels. I suspect had this come out earlier then my weight might have been down a few more ounces. I suspect that adding more fiber into my shakes these last few days was a good idea… especially since I was a little backed up the previous week. I will continue to add a couple of teaspoons per day, although I will not be adding them to every shake going forward.

    On the subject of regulating my body: You may recall that Monday I met with my doctor to discuss (among other things) my medications. I started taking an antidepressant at the beginning of the year because I had been having trouble sleeping, and she believed it might have been because I was depressed. A couple of months ago, she recommended that I up the dosage, but I never did. Now that things are going better (read: Leslie and I are reconciled) I do not feel that I need them, so I spoke to her about cutting them out. She recommended I wean myself off over a period of two weeks, but being the stubborn hard head that I am, I just stopped. Today is my third morning without them and I am not feeling any ill effects, but I am not flushing them down the pishadoo just yet. If by the end of the month I am doing well then they are gone. She also increased my dosage of another med, and after discussing it with Leslie I decided that I will start the increased dosage on Saturday, so that I have a couple of days to adjust before I have to teach again. She’s a sage woman, my wife!

    I am going for a haircut shortly but will spend the afternoon working on a project that I have been neglecting for work. I am excited to dig into it, and more excited that I have finally made my workspace much more comfortable and organized so that I should be able to focus.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 865

    I fell off the rails yesterday and I paid the price. I gained a full two pounds this morning. Ouch.

    As I spoke with my wife last night, she helped me to remember that I have really been pushing myself way past my limits since I started, and my body really needed a break. She was more concerned that I might not get back onto the program, but I assured her that I would.

    Because of how weak I felt Saturday evening and all day yesterday, I decided that to make sure I was able to get through this extremely grueling work week I would switch to my modified program. Yesterday may have been a cheat day, but today I have done exactly as planned: I had an omelette for breakfast, chicken and salad for lunch, and before my evening class I prepared a meal replacement shake. I received my delivery from the company today, and they were the new formula. I was worried about it, but they are actually pretty good. I will be able to continue with them. In the meantime, this week will be the modified program.

    If I can just get through to the weekend then I can reevaluate my position. I am hoping that I will be able to shed these three pounds that I gained over the last two days, but I do not expect to lose much more than that this week. I am working all day (and three nights) so I will not be doing a lot of movement. Getting back to where I was Saturday would be a victory.

    Have a great evening folks!

  • Day 862

    Today is the tenth day of my latest kick at this can, and I have a lot to show for it.

    • I am wearing pants that I was not even able to button up a month ago!
    • According to my fitness watch I am on an 11-day streak for hitting my steps goal!
    • I have dropped over fifteen pounds!

    All of these are great, but I know I have a long way to go.

    The daily steps goal on my fitness watch is progressive, which means that the more steps I take over previous days, the higher the goal is. According to Garmin, my steps goal for today is 14,610. Maybe that is the reason I let Her Floofness take longer than usual on her walk this morning… I would walk ahead and then circle back to where she was. When I come in from our morning walks my watch usually reads around 2300 steps. Today it was 3200. Excellent. I have a long way to go before hitting that ultimate goal, but I also have a lot of day ahead of me.

    Yesterday’s workout did in fact beat my previous one. I jogged six kilometres (with all but one lap under 9:00/km) and walked one more. I wrote yesterday morning that I did not know if I would be able to hit my new workout goal (to jog 6km), but I did. My next goal: to jog 7km. Will I do that today? I do not know. Will I try? Count on it.

    My eating yesterday was a bit problematic. Following my workout I ate a protein bar (as I had said I would try). I was still feeling hungry, and I went to the car to take some almonds. I am looking forward to not having any almonds in the car and having to get through the day without them… or at least buying the actual recommended portion of almonds and not just taking a scoop and calling that ‘a bit more than a handful.’ I will keep trying.

    One change to my behaviour on the program this time that I was never very good with is that I am making sure to add a teaspoon of fibre to two shakes per day. The result? I have had successful (and not painful) bowel movements almost every day since I started the program. This may not continue, but I will try! Those BMs have not always been first thing in the morning (as would normally be the case for me), so the potential weight loss they might represent would only show the following day. For example, this morning’s movement was only after my meal replacement.

    I have to run to the supermarket to pick up coffee. I plan to pick up precisely nothing else. Oh, if they have the sugar free gum that I like then I will buy some of that too. A friend is coming over for coffee today and I realized this morning that I don’t have enough left to make a pot (I made a half pot this morning). I want to be a good host!

    The routine of hitting the treadmill right after my second shake has worked well the last few days. I know that Monday was a disaster when I pushed my workout before my second shake, but this adjustment has been great. I have found I have the energy and strength to go harder and farther once I’ve fueled my body. I will do that again today.

    With that said, I am going to get moving. I want to run to the store before my buddy comes.

    Have a great day folks!