Category: Depression
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Day 1217
Life is no better, but I have some studying to do today and tomorrow so that hopefully I can pass an exam on Friday. We’ll see. Last night was possibly the first decent night sleep I got in… well, since I don’t know when. My sleep score (according to my fitness watch) was 77 –…
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Day 1212
A Lodge brother who moved away was in town this week and he came over for drinks and cigars last night. He was the first person that I spoke to about what is going on. It is hard. I am in so much emotional pain that I cannot imagine getting through it. I am trying.…
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Day 1209
I slept last night. In fact, I looked at my fitness watch which reported a sleep score of 80 (although still not long enough). That’s great… except that this was because I slept right through my alarm, and I woke up 17 minutes before I was supposed to be online to prepare for my class…
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Day 1208
I just do not want to be here. I am not going to do anything to hurt myself, but I am just so completely lost that I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel. It is not about my weight, but trying to keep my weight in check during this emotional crisis…
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Day 1207
This morning for the first time I began to tell a friend the depths and extent of my despair. He is worried about me; so am I. I thank G-d that I have friends I can turn to because without them I would be all alone and I honestly do not know what I might…
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Day 1205
I am really looking forward to going to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. I did get a full four and a half hours of sleep yesterday afternoon, but against my better judgement I did wake up at 6:00pm to go to my Lodge meeting. There were several items of business for which my presence…
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Day 1204
After the good night of sleep I had the previous night, yesterday was a disaster. I tried to sleep after my overnight class but could not sleep a wink. I got through my evening class (barely), and got perhaps three hours of sleep before I had to get up for my overnight class. Bottom line:…
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Day 1203
I finally got some sleep last night. I do not know what time I closed my eyes, but I probably got eight solid hours. It was magnificent. It was luxuriant. It will not happen again this week because today and Friday I have my evening classes to teach, and tomorrow evening I have my Lodge.…
Losing a part of me 