Losing a part of me

Category: Eating

  • Day 770

    Yesterday did not go as planned once again. I suppose the big wrecker was that I went to Hamilton to the tailor, only to find out that my appointment is today and not yesterday… even though they sent me an email telling me it was yesterday. I came home and prepared a piece of fish and some rice… and then I had a roll with avocado butter and jam. Added to the fact that I ate so much, I ate it all late. I did not expect any better that I got when I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning… my weight was up a full pound.

    This morning, I had to run out to be at the notary’s office at 8:30am so that I would be back at my desk in time to teach. I am not happy about the documents that I am having notarized (and there will be another one in the next couple of weeks) but I am not ready to discuss it… at least, not here. Maybe in a few days, or weeks… we’ll see. My regular readers can read into the fact that I have not been discussing my wife or my marriage for a few months.

    This evening, I will prepare a light dinner, and then I will head out to my appointment. I will not make a stink about it, but I am a little miffed that I ran out to be there on time, paid for parking, and waited 45 minutes before realizing they were not coming. Yes, it was their mistake. No, I am not going to do anything about it. Mistakes happen. I will go in and pick out a few new shirts… and maybe a sports jacket. Whatever happens, I will not overeat again!

    Okay, it is time for me to start teaching for the day. See you all tomorrow!

  • Day 695

    While the dental surgery did not necessarily curb my eating, I was relieved to see a fair drop on the bathroom scale this morning. What will today bring? I don’t know… but I am trying to start moving forward on a lot of things, and my eating will be a part of that.

  • Day 690

    The weekend was one giant dumpster fire of cheating. I am really hoping that it is now behind me, and that I can get back on track this week. I will not list all of the ways that I cheated but suffice it to say quite a few of them were emotional eating based on my current levels of depression.

    I have gained two pounds in these last five days. I know that if I can rein my eating in for the next few days that I will get back to where I was a week ago. Once I do that then I can continue on and try to get back down to my best weight ever.

    I have started to think that maybe where I am (hovering around the 250 lbs. mark) is where I am meant to be. I am not willing to accept that so quickly though. I think the combination of how busy I have been and how depressed and despondent I have been have made it easy to think that. I am not done trying to get back down to within a more reasonable range – if I can get down to 220 lbs. then I will be satisfied. If I can get lower than that, then even better. We will see… I have to get out of my emotional funk before I decide what I am going to do about my weight. For the time being, the most that I can do is to stop falling off the wagon and not cheat. It has not been an easy month. The coming month will be no easier.

    See you tomorrow.

  • Day 668

    I fell off badly yesterday. I went grocery shopping (I had no food in the house) and thought ‘what’s the harm in buying a box of breakfast cereal? Oh, I also bought a bag of mini crisps. Here’s the harm: I ate all of the crisps and most of the breakfast cereal last night and finished it off this morning. The result (nothing to do with the bowl of cereal that polished off the box this morning) was a two-pound jump in my weight. I deserve it. Today I will do better. I will also remember that when I am no accountable to anyone but myself it is best to not buy large portions of cheat foods… coupled with my current emotional state I will just not have the willpower to make the right decisions. This means that I have to make those right decisions when I am in the store. If I do not have the temptations in the house, then I will not succumb to them.

    The plan for today is to take Her Floofness to the spa. She will be there for a few hours, and so I will probably check to see if the cigar lounge near Chez PetSmart has a smoking area. If it does not, then I will probably just find a park bench and wait there with a cigar and my phone or a book. We’ll see. All I know is that I have to try to be good today. No excessive food. No cheating.

    I woke up this morning to find a message from a friend who reads my blog daily. She was worried that I had not published yesterday, and what’s worse, the last entry was from Day 666. Yes, even in my current emotional state I noticed the 666, and yes, I know that it is the number of the beast (although I swear I never understood what that was about), but no… there was no connection. As a fairly religious Jew I would never use a reference from the New Testament with regard to my dismay. In fact, I had written yesterday’s article, but I somehow got distracted and never published it. I fixed that this morning. With that said, I truly appreciate the love and support from my friends… many of whom I do not see or speak to nearly as often as I would like.

    Anyhow, it is time to get moving. Take care folks.

  • Day 527

    I finally got to see my new doctor yesterday . She is a nice woman and is happy that I have been able to do so well with my weight loss, and promised she will continue to monitor me on a regular basis as Dr. Yates did. We talked about the ground I lost and why, and she is satisfied that I know what I need to do to get back on track.

    I finally got to see my new doctor yesterday . She is a nice woman and is happy that I have been able to do so well with my weight loss, and promised she will continue to monitor me on a regular basis as Dr. Yates did. We talked about the ground I lost and why, and she is satisfied that I know what I need to do to get back on track.

    I did not get back on track with my food yesterday. It was a very stressful day and I will not go into details. I am glad that I was able to get out to exercise. I did a 2 km jog followed by a 9 km walk. It felt good to be back at it. I did not sleep well last night, and my body battery did not charge, so I will take today off. I am driving out to see if I got kids today, so it works out fine tomorrow I will try to get out for another jog. In the meantime, I hope that I can stay on track with my eating, and I will do my best to be good and disciplined while I am there.

    Today is Canada Day, and I am celebrating being a proud Canadian. Last night I sat on the balcony with a cigar and my noise cancelling earbuds in my ear so the fireworks did not affect me too badly. I hope I will be able to get through today and tomorrow as well as I did yesterday. Fireworks are not my friend. Fortunately, Princess Sophie! took good care of me and knew that I needed support.

    Have a great day folks!

    The Jetpack app is killing me as I try to write this so I am going to s

    I did not get back on track with food yesterday

  • Day 514

    As Leslie and I sit in the garden oasis of our bed and breakfast enjoying our cigars and lattés I am in bliss and do not want this weekend to come to an end. Alas, dark becomes day and the day turns to night. It has been exactly as planned with no stress, anxiety, or deadlines.

    We enjoyed a Greek meal for lunch yesterday and we lamented how difficult it can be to keep within the dietary constraints of our faith, which severely limits our choices at restaurants. On the flip side of that, I think that by not being able to mix the meat with dairy keeps my eating somewhat healthier than it I was not following to rules. At the very least it makes me think about everything I am going to eat before I order it. As such we have not eaten any meat since Thursday. It has allowed us to enjoy dishes with cheese, and if we chose to we could also have ice cream (as we did following our Italian dinner).

    While I am not sure where my weight will be tomorrow morning, I am not terribly concerned. It would not have been difficult to eat so that I would gain five pounds this weekend. I do not think that I will have gained more than a pound… if that. It definitely could have been worse.

    While we did not order drinks with dinner, we did buy a bottle of Niagara sparkling wine which we shared with cigars after dinner. That makes two bottles of wine in two nights, plus the beer that I drank with dinner Friday. That is more than I have had to drink in a long time. I did not feel drunk either night, and I also do not think the wine will be a major contributing factor to weight gain… and we enjoyed ourselves. We will likely not drink tonight, but tomorrow I will open a bottle of 10-year-old port to pair with my cigar for the sommelier class. I am not a big drinker, but should be able to integrate reasonable consumption of alcohol into my life when the mood hits me.

    It is another lovely day in Niagara, and I am going back to enjoying it with my wife.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 513

    Leslie and I checked into our Bed and Breakfast last night and then drove down the street to a local pub for dinner. I did something that I have not done in years… I ordered a pint. It went very well with my fish and chips! After dinner we picked up a bottle of wine to enjoy with our cigars in the garden of the inn (and for the Shabbat blessings). So far the weekend is going great!

    I am not on a diet this weekend but I am also not going to go overboard. There will be opportunities to indulge, but I will make a point to not overindulge. Leslie is being very helpful with that! As an example, when she was full, she offered me the last bites of her fish… but spoiled her remaining French fries, which I appreciated. At breakfast I could have asked for more toast, but decided not to… both to be good, and to not let Leslie think I was falling.

    We are currently enjoying our latté and cigar in the garden, which is truly a peaceful oasis. Our plans for the rest of the day are to do whatever tickles us at the time. That might include picking strawberries, a vineyard tour, or who knows what. We are together and we are not working, and that is our only goal… to enjoy being together.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 335

    Yes, my weight is down from yesterday according to the bathroom scale. Does that mean that I was true to my weight loss program yesterday? It does not. I was very not good. Aside from the single portion of dried mangoes that Leslie gave me for my Chanukah gift, I did not eat anything that was not prescribed on the program. I did have an extra piece of chicken with another salad in the evening. I am not supposed to do that!

    There have been numerous times when I have told Leslie that I am going to eat something that is not on the program (or have already done so), and she asks a very good question: Am I hungry, depressed, or bored. While I am not sure that bored is the exact right word, I think it is certainly in the ballpark. It might be something like idle hands are the devil’s workshop sort of thing. When I have nothing else to do – or more specifically, nothing occupying my mind – I often default to eating. I have to figure out a way to deal with that. I am hoping that – along with several other issues that I have, most pertaining to focus and concentration, will be addressed and start to improve once I have seen my doctor tomorrow, assuming that he agrees with my recent diagnosis and prescribes meds to deal with it.

    I am going to try to go to the gym today, but I have to find some sort of motivation. I am not feeling well – light-headed, despite having just finished my morning meal replacement and my third cup of coffee. I know my blood pressure is often quite low, and I am wondering if that might not be the start of an actual problem. I know, it is much better than the opposite; nonetheless, it is something I will speak with the doctor about tomorrow… in addition to the ADHD thing. Additionally, tomorrow I know I have to go out… twice, in fact. I will endeavour to go to the gym after the doctor’s appointment, or if not then, right before going to see my sons to light the Channukah candles (which I get to do tomorrow).

    Speaking of children: I have five children who I get to spoil for Christmas and Channukah. I have my own two children (although at twenty-four years old, my son the elder wants nothing this year). I have Leslie’s son, and I have my two godchildren. Last night, Leslie, her son, and I lit the candles, and he opened the first of his tangible (non-edible) presents over video call, which was fun. He has one more present to open, and we agreed that he would get to do so on Night Six, which is Friday. Today I will be ordering presents for my godchildren, who I will be seeing Christmas Day. I am waiting for confirmation from mom and dad about my choices, but I think I am good. Of course, I am not writing here to say what they are, but trust me, they should both be happy.

    This is a perfect example of my need to focus. While I really have nothing else going on this morning, it is more than two hours since I typed the first line of this journal entry. I have to figure out a way to concentrate, and if that requires me to go on medication, that is what I am going to do. I am looking forward to speaking with my doctor about that tomorrow… I really do want to get better. I will say that I am still feeling light-headed, so I am not going to go overboard today. I will take it easy, and if I need to take a nap at some point, I will. I thought I slept pretty well last night, but I might still be overtired from the last couple of weeks of not sleeping well.

    Have a great day folks!