Losing a part of me

Category: Eating

  • Day 900

    Can you all believe that today is the 900th day of my weight loss journey? With all of its ups and downs, I am happy that I am many clothes sizes and over a hundred pounds. I have lost some ground since my best weight ever, but I will be working to get back there. My weight will be a lifelong struggle, and to forget that would be disastrous.

    Despite enjoying a delicious dinner at The Keg (after which we shared the Billy Miner Pie… look it up if you don’t know), my weight was down significantly this morning from yesterday. While I did not drop all of the 2.6 lbs. that I added from the backyard birthday party, a significant portion did melt away. It was a relief that my weight did not go up!

    I love having my wife here with me for so many reasons. One of those reasons is that she helps me to make better food choices. That is not to say that she tells me ‘Oh don’t eat that!’ but rather knowing that she is here, I have fewer emotional and psychological reasons to overeat. Yes, I had chips at the birthday party… but I only had a few bites of the cake. It could easily have gone much worse than it did. Birthdays are birthdays, and we have to make some exceptions sometimes.

    My plan for the next couple of days is to enjoy as much time with her as I can. We both hate that she has to return to Texas Wednesday. Our visits are too short, but until I get my Green Card processed, that’s how we have to make our relationship work. We are almost always happy when we are together, but the parting is always extremely sad.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 899

    The birthday barbecue that Mitchell and I threw for each other yesterday was a lot of fun. It was the first time Leslie got to meet some of the Lodge brothers, and we had a great time. We (that is to say I) ate way too much. While everything was all delicious, I was not consciously making good food choices. I knew that when I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning my weight would be up significantly. I suspect that had I been able to successfully move my bowels it would not have been as bad, but I was still not upset with myself for the 2.4 lbs. Increase.

    This morning, I prepared an omelette for Leslie and me, and it was quite tasty. For lunch, we shared some leftovers. This evening, she is taking me for dinner at The Keg, which has become a birthday tradition for us. I expect that following this evening’s meal, my weight will once again be up tomorrow. On Thursday I will resume eating carefully.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 891

    It was a relief to see my weight drop by 1.4 lbs. this morning. I have not been doing very well with my eating, but I did a little bit better yesterday than I have been.

    I was supposed to take my son (the younger) for lunch today, but his mother asked me to change that to tomorrow, which means that tomorrow I will be eating two meals out, as there is a meeting on men’s mental health for a group that one of my Lodge brothers runs, so I promised to be there. I will do my best to stay on track with my eating at both meals. I recall that my last lunch with my sons was doable because of how I ordered, so if he insists on returning to the same restaurant, then I will order the same meal.

    I have had two good trips to the toilet thus far today. I expect that my body is getting back to whatever it feels normal is. I did have a meal replacement shake last night, to which I added a teaspoon of fibre powder. I was quite worried about that, but so far so good.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 890

    I did not gain any weight this morning, but I also did not lose any. I have essentially fallen off the wagon these last couple of days (I think I am doing better today), but I am trying to get myself back on track. That is not to say that I want to be back on the program just yet, because I do not. I will take it up again once Leslie’s visit is over. It is just too hard (both emotionally and physically) to get onto the program… and then to only do it for a few days would be agony.

    After several days of nothing, I have finally been able to move my bowels well today… twice. It was a relief to be able to do so before I took Her Floofness for her walk this morning, but to be able to do it again around noon was great relief… literally.

    I slept more last night than I had the previous two nights, but I am not sure how good the sleep was. According to my fitness watch, I slept a full nine hours, but not well enough to bring my stress levels down. At least I won’t be walking around like a zombie all day!

    Weight loss is never easy… I am going to get back on track. While I am not getting onto the complete program again, I would like to just get through the next few days without cheating too badly. If I do, then hopefully I can drop back to 280 lbs. by the morning Leslie arrives.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 885

    It had been my plan to eat today to celebrate with my gorgeous doggie the five-year anniversary of her Adoption Day. As I drove home from Grimsby yesterday afternoon, I realized how weak I was, and decided to move our celebration up by a single day. I stopped at the supermarket and picked up veal chops and the vegetables to prepare a salad. I got home and put rice on to cook as well. While starchy, rice is known for fighting diarrhea, and after three days of it I was ready to try whatever might work. I enjoyed my veal and rice and salad, and Princess Sophie really enjoyed her bone. I was hoping that this morning I might find some solid solace… but I did not.

    In addition to what I mentioned, I also bought a mango. I suspect it was this more than anything else that led to the two-pound jump in my weight from yesterday morning. I was not at all impressed by that jump… but I deserved it.

    Despite my weight gain over these past two days, I am going to eat another meal today (minus the fruit). Four days of diarrhea is simply not good for the body, and I need to be able to healthily get through this coming week. Yes, her Royal Floofness will get another bone on the actual day of her Adoptiversary.

    After losing 12.6 lbs. in just five days, I should not be terribly upset to give back 2.4 lbs. over the weekend. I just have to make sure that I continue on the downward trend, and not give up any unnecessary losses. I will eat because I think that right now it could be unhealthy to not eat anything… but I will not overindulge or eat the wrong foods. The rice is necessary, but the mango was not. I will not make that mistake again today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 872

    I have not gained seven pounds in the last ten days because I completely fell off the wagon. It has been a combination of many factors that include stress, long work days with no ability to exercise, constipation, not drinking enough water, and yes… eating more than I should. I took a break from the program for the past week because my energy levels were completely tapped, and I needed to be able to get through very long work days successfully. Now is the question of starting back on it. I had a Lodge event on Saturday that had a lot of food involvement, and it would have been difficult for me to stick to the program. At the event I spoke with my mentor (who is on the same program as I am) and he recommended that I hold off resuming the program until Tuesday, knowing that I am getting promoted Monday night. As such, that is my plan. I am hoping that I can succeed.

    I did not blog Saturday or Sunday, but neither was because I was gorging myself. I had a lot of things going on, and it slipped my mind. I am glad to be back at it this morning, and will try to continue to use it as a tool to remember to stay true to the program starting tomorrow. I did get back on the treadmill yesterday to exercise for the first time since last Saturday, and while I was worn out after 2km jogging and 2km walking, I felt better for having done it. I will resume my cadence of daily workouts, but I will not push myself quite so hard the first week of my program.

    I have a doctor’s appointment at noon today. I have to discuss my medications with her, as well as a couple of other things. I also suspect that I am due for a complete physical, but I will ask her about that.

    When I am home from that appointment I will have lunch, then I will hit the treadmill for an hour. I will shower then I will do some work before heading to the Lodge. My promotion is actually being held at another lodge, which means that this evening will also be my first ever visit to another lodge. At least twenty of my Lodge brethren have reached out to tell me they will be there to support me, which is really heartwarming. Of course, there are two of us from our lodge who are doing it together, so there’s twice the reason to come out to support us!

    It is a cloudy day and a bit chilly for the second week of June, but at least it is not cold, rainy, or wintery. I’ll take it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 868

    Yesterday was a bad day. I ate too much chicken, and despite not eating anything after 3:30pm, I still gained a lot of weight this morning. I will try to get back on track today.

  • Day 865

    I fell off the rails yesterday and I paid the price. I gained a full two pounds this morning. Ouch.

    As I spoke with my wife last night, she helped me to remember that I have really been pushing myself way past my limits since I started, and my body really needed a break. She was more concerned that I might not get back onto the program, but I assured her that I would.

    Because of how weak I felt Saturday evening and all day yesterday, I decided that to make sure I was able to get through this extremely grueling work week I would switch to my modified program. Yesterday may have been a cheat day, but today I have done exactly as planned: I had an omelette for breakfast, chicken and salad for lunch, and before my evening class I prepared a meal replacement shake. I received my delivery from the company today, and they were the new formula. I was worried about it, but they are actually pretty good. I will be able to continue with them. In the meantime, this week will be the modified program.

    If I can just get through to the weekend then I can reevaluate my position. I am hoping that I will be able to shed these three pounds that I gained over the last two days, but I do not expect to lose much more than that this week. I am working all day (and three nights) so I will not be doing a lot of movement. Getting back to where I was Saturday would be a victory.

    Have a great evening folks!

  • Day 851

    I have missed a couple of days blogging, and have not been too happy with myself. My weight yesterday morning was 289.2 lbs., a very short step to that dreaded 290 lbs. mark which I have been trying to stay away from. This morning I actually hit that mark for a minute… which is to say that after returning from my walk with Her Floofness I was preparing breakfast and felt the need to move my bowels, which is something I have not been very successful at these last few days. I finally had a good poop, and because I had not eaten yet I decided to reweigh myself. My weigh-in at 8:45am this morning had me significantly down from that, and from yesterday’s weight. Phew!

    Leslie and I decided a few days ago that when her son goes back to his father’s house for a few weeks that we will do the extreme program together for that time, and it begins on Wednesday. I have enough eggs for tomorrow morning’s breakfast, and I will shop today for tomorrow only. I miscalculated on my shopping only because I realized only this morning that today is a holiday and that the grocery stores are closed. The only food I have in the house is a couple of meatless burgers, so that will be my lunch with a salad. I will go out for dinner, but I will eat carefully. While it could be considered a ‘last splurge’ meal, I am not going to go nuts with it. Maybe I will pick up a shawarma plate or something. I will figure that out later today… but not too late, as I am teaching this evening and do not want to have my meal after 9:00pm.

    The past few days have been interesting. I wrote on Friday that my son the elder came over for a dram and a cigar, which was exciting as I had not seen or heard from him since October 11. We had a nice chat, and I invited him to come with me to the suits and tuxedo sale that my lodge was holding Saturday morning. He met me here at 7:30am and we drove down to Grimsby, where we both picked out a tuxedo. He was disappointed that they did not have a better selection of regular suits, but was nevertheless pleased with his new formal wear… as was I. We pulled into my parking lot shortly after 9:00am, and he was able to get to work on time for his shift… which had been my major concern.

    In the early afternoon on Saturday I tried on all of my new duds, and was extremely upset that the pants that I had selected did not fit. I ended up going back in the afternoon, at which point I not only got a pair that did fit, but also got a tails, and at the urging of a couple of the brothers I also picked out a couple more vests, cummerbunds, and bow ties.Now if I can only lose the weight to fit back into the smaller pants then I will be happy with myself.

    Following that, I went to a cigar and barbecue event at a friend’s house down that way. This particular friend hosts events on a regular basis and has been inviting me down for seven years, but this was my first time attending. It was a lot of fun, but I could not eat any of the barbecue because it was all pork products. I did snack, which I should not have. After one cigar I went home and prepared a proper meal for myself.

    Sunday was a strange day. I had very little energy, and although I had planned on going shopping for groceries, I kept putting it off. Around 5:00pm, after eating an early dinner, I lay down for a nap. I had a weird series of dreams that mostly involved my tossing and turning in bed trying unsuccessfully to nap, trying to get to a class that I was teaching and did not want to be late for, and dropping off my dry cleaning while alternately being hindered from doing so by the casts of Seinfeld and Friends… not the actors mind you, the actual characters who were doing their best to make sitcom bits of the dry cleaning experience. I found none of it funny, and when I woke up I was not at all rested, and it was too late to go to the supermarket. I was concerned by three things: one, I was as unrested after a long nap as I had been before the nap (you try dreaming about not sleeping well); two, would the supermarkets be open on Monday  which would be Victoria Day (Spoiler alert: They are not); and three, after having had a full meal at 4:30pm, would I need to eat again. I did take a couple of yoghurts, but nothing more.

    Something else that I was concerned about, although not necessarily just then, was that I had not posted either Saturday or Sunday. If I am going to get back to my best weight ever (I am fifty pounds up!) then I have to be on track. My journal is one of the ways that I keep myself accountable to that, even though it has not helped me these last seven months. Getting back on track is extremely important to me, and I am going to do it. Having Leslie doing it with me will make it a bit easier… it is an extremely difficult program, but doing it alone makes it even harder. She and I discussed it this morning and agreed that having each other to keep us company should make it a little easier. I am nervous… but I am going to succeed. I have to. I want to look good in my tuxedo, after all!

    I have a little more energy today than I did yesterday… but not much more. I have work to do so it cannot be the same sort of lazy Sunday as I had yesterday; even though today is a holiday in Canada, I still do most of my work for American companies, and so they have expectations that do not revolve around Queen Victoria’s birthday. Next Monday is Memorial Day in the US, although I still do not know if I am teaching that night or not. I sent an email just now asking for confirmation, although I have to assume that I am. I will also work during the day, as I am now on a writing project that will require no interaction with anyone else.

    I have changed my mind. After I finish writing this entry I am going to run out to pick up food. I am going to check in on the other supermarket to see if they are open, although I dout that they will be. I will pick up my restaurant meal for lunch, and will have the veggie burgers and a salad for dinner. It makes more sense to eat the heavier meal earlier in the day. After lunch I will probably rearrange my office because I am working on a project that will require me to be recorded for the end result, and we (the recording team and I) agreed that having my very busy apartment as a backdrop might work for live classes, but would not work for a proper and professional recording. I will take Princess Sophie to the neighbour’s so that she is not here while I am moving furniture around.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 839

    I was disgusted yesterday morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale and saw that my weight had jumped back up to 288 lbs., but I also had a very busy and stressful day yesterday, so not only did I not have the time to take any positive steps (such as exercising) to do something about it, but I also did not think to write about it. It was Leslie who told me this morning that I had neglected to post, and I took a minute to write up my thoughts.

    I was relieved this morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale and saw that my weight had dropped back below 285 lbs. because it meant that the jump was likely a temporary result due to high sodium intake and retaining water. I will also say two things:

    1. Aside from my usual pre-bed pee, I woke up a few times in the night to repeat, and then also had a very strong pee this morning, and
    2. I had my first good bowel movement in several days this morning.

    All of that contributed to getting my weight back down, but that does not mean that I can be complacent. If I am going to do this, I have to do this.

    It took me a long time to fall asleep last night, and so I am pretty tired today. I will try to take a nap before class.

    Have a great day!