Losing a part of me

Category: Eating

  • Day 800

    I had a great day yesterday but for whatever reason I did not sit down to write. Oops.

    I continue to sleep very little but am not at all tired throughout the day. That might have something to do with how much coffee I drink when I am here… or it might just be because of the air. Either way, I am relaxed and happy on four or five hours per night.

    My fitness watch battery is at 5% and I will be happy if it makes it through one more day. If not, then I will have a couple of days without measurements in the app… but I will still be walking and aiming for 15,000 steps per day. I will continue to eat smartly. I am still hoping to be very happy with my weight when I step onto the bathroom scale Wednesday morning. As it is, the Hawaiian shirt that I could not wear Monday seems to be a bit more comfortable today. I promised someone I would send them a picture of myself in it, which I was able to do this morning, so I see that as an indicator that I’m doing well. The scale will tell the numbers, but more importantly the way my shirts and sports jackets fit is more important.

    I am meeting my steps goal every day without a problem. As was the case on my last visit here, the only vehicles I have been in are taxis to and from the Hotel Nacional with friends. To be honest, I did take a cab back alone that night, but it was late and I wanted to see a friend before their shift ended. I made up for it by walking another few thousand steps before turning in.

    It is amazing how many Jews I have met on this trip, which is to say that I have met at least six of them… including one native Cubans who is with the local Chabad house. I confess it never occurred to me that there would be one! Last night at dinner the guys at the next table were from Tel Aviv and we had a great conversation. They asked me why I wear my kippa here instead of a hat. I told them that had I been wearing a hat then I would never have met most of the Jews that I have met. Havana is a very safe city and Cuba is very accepting of all religions (while not condoning any one of them), but if someone does not like the fact that I am Jewish (and Israeli) then I like knowing… and if they confront me then I’ll happily handle that situation. In the meantime, I was able to light my Shabbat candles in my apartment last night. I was alone, but as I lit them I know that I was with all of the people I pray for, and with the whole Jewish nation. There is n irony to being able to do this freely in a country that is so poor and the people are oppressed… just like we have been so many times.

    It is another gorgeous day and I am enjoying my second day cup of coffee at my buddy‘s bistro. In a little while I will head out for my day. I have to stop by my apartment because I took my laptop bag to bring him some things, and do not want to have to carry it all day. I will then set out to enjoy the rest of my day. It is the Sabbath, and I will take it easy… but if that were the only definition of the day then this entire week has been Sabbath!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 796

    Yesterday was a wonderful day from beginning to end. IY”H every day should be as good.

    After the ridiculously long, stressful, and expensive two-day span that was Saturday into Sunday, I landed in Cuba only one hour later than I had originally planned for, and was at my apartment by 4:30pm. I did not unpack, but I did go into my suitcase to find a pair of shorts and my sandals (I had changed into a short-sleeve shirt on the plane from Toronto to Houston) and I went out to meet my buddy only a few minutes later than expected. He and I spent the evening together, enjoying a coffee and then dinner… followed by another snack a little later. I was back in my apartment by 11:00pm, and while I was quickly running out of juice, I had to unpack and organize my kit before turning in. I turned on the water heater so that I would be able to shower before getting into bed, which I was finally able to do by 12:30am. I slept like the dead.

    I seldom eat well on travel days, and what with all of the stress and anxiety of the entire ordeal Sunday was no exception. After everything, I should have turned it off… but as we sat in the cafe-bar toward the end of the evening, as Johnny devoured his desert I compounded it by indulging in a plate of French fries. I knew it was wrong… and I did not and do not and will not feel bad or apologize for it. My step count for the day was 14,000, and my stress count was through the roof. I deserved every morsel and every calorie that I ate Sunday.

    Yesterday would have to be better… and it was. I did not eat breakfast, partially because the restaurant I had planned to eat at was not open yet, but also because I met a few guys from Kentucky at my buddy’s cafe and nibbled on a piece of their toast. For lunch I had a plate of pasta (which in Cuba is a reasonable size, and not what one might get in a restaurant in North America). Dinner was a plate of fried plantains and a chicken dish that likely had the nutritional value (or lack thereof) of an order of General Tao’s chicken… but again it was a reasonable size. I walked 17,000 steps throughout the day, enjoyed many cigars and cups of coffee, and the company of a few friends I always see when I’m here. In the balance, yesterday was a weight-plan success.

    After dinner I went back to Johnny’s bistro for another cigar and a video call, and I ran into the guys from Kentucky who joined me for a cigar… and pulled out a bottle of very fine bourbon. I relaxed until closing and then walked with Johnny as far as my apartment, where I picked up another cigar and then went to see my friend Gloria at her work. She and I chatted until nearly 3:00am, at which point I headed back to my place and had a very good (if short) sleep.

    This morning I ordered a plate of fried eggs and toast, and a couple of cups of coffee. Depending on whether or not people I met show up or not, I will either be leading a tour today, or I will just do my own thing in Habana Viella. While it would be great if they do show up, my day will likely be no better or worse if they do or not… it will just be different.

    My goal is to register 15,000 steps or more every day in Havana. That should not be a difficult goal to achieve, and will likely do much more than that some days. The only thing I need to be aware of is the state of my feet, remembering the problems I had with them on my last trip. Those problems started with a lot of steps in a pair of sandals that were probably well past their expected lifespan (measured in steps, not in age). I gave that pair away, and am wearing another pair that I had… which are older, but not nearly as well worn. After a day and a half in them (and over 30,000 steps) my feet seem fine, so I am optimistic. I brought running shoes just in case, but so far so good. If I need to then I will switch out for runners, but if I can manage it then my other goal is to return to Canada without having worn a single pair of socks the whole trip. We’ll see…

    If the group does not show up then I am planning to have a pizza for either lunch or dinner. The other meal will likely be fish or pasta. We’ll see. I did not feel the need to snack yesterday and while I was peckish by about 12:30am, I did nothing about it and went to bed a little hungry. I would have had to be much hungrier to decide to eat after 11pm. If I can make it through today without snacking then it will absolutely be another good food day.

    It has been some time since I wrote about my bowel movements, but this morning was so good that I feel I should mention that my system is working well, and I suspect that it was ridding my body of all the garbage I ate Sunday. As I walked toward my buddy’s bistro for breakfast I felt five pounds lighter.

    On the negative side, I was extremely disappointed with myself yesterday morning when I put on one of my new shirts and it was tight. I could have gotten away with it, but decided against it and changed into something looser. Hopefully within a few days I will try it on again with better results. While I am well aware that hope is not a strategy, I am truly hoping I can make that happen.

    It is now approaching 10:00am and my group is not here. As I said, either they will show up… or they will not. Either way…

    …have a great day!

  • Day 790

    I lost nearly a pound from yesterday, despite some stresses that I will not go into. Yes, I ate more than I should have. I even had a glass of wine with my friend in the evening. Still and all, yesterday was not nearly as bad as the previous day… except for one thing which I will not go into. I am doing my level best to put that stress and anxiety aside until the weekend. I will try to deal with it either Friday evening or Saturday, but I do not want to take it with me to Cuba.

    My weight drop this morning took me back below that abhorrent 280 lbs. mark that I peaked above yesterday. I cannot believe that after all of the work that I did over two years, one terrible, horrible, disastrous occurrence in my life has thus far caused me to gain back forty pounds. I have to get back on track. Ten days in Havana will be the beginning of that; the week that I am back I am going to try to get back onto my extreme program for at least a few days. We’ll see if I can do it. In the meantime, I have to just stop eating so much, and I have to stop making such bad choices. I hope that can stop right now.

    If you are wondering how screwed up I am… I accidentally (and irretrievably) wiped out two hard drives in one of my main systems, which means that when I am back from Cuba, I will have a lot of work to do to recover from. I am trying to start now… but wow, did this screw me up.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 789

    I would have had decent things to write yesterday had I had the time, but alas I did not. And then… Then I had some bad thoughts last night. I started thinking about calling her… reaching out to talk to the person who I thought was and would forever be my person. That would not have been a good idea, but it put the thought into my head, and I started eating. I ate way more than I ever should in an evening. The result? After a two-day streak of losing weight, I gained… a lot. For the second time in a week my weight jumped by a ridiculous amount. It actually peaked over the 280 lbs. mark for the first time in a very long time. I have to get control of it… but I also have to deal with my emotions. I have five more days until I am on an airplane, and I will lose a bit of weight in Cuba. After that, I might return to my extreme program for a week or two… just to get back on track.

  • Day 770

    Yesterday did not go as planned once again. I suppose the big wrecker was that I went to Hamilton to the tailor, only to find out that my appointment is today and not yesterday… even though they sent me an email telling me it was yesterday. I came home and prepared a piece of fish and some rice… and then I had a roll with avocado butter and jam. Added to the fact that I ate so much, I ate it all late. I did not expect any better that I got when I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning… my weight was up a full pound.

    This morning, I had to run out to be at the notary’s office at 8:30am so that I would be back at my desk in time to teach. I am not happy about the documents that I am having notarized (and there will be another one in the next couple of weeks) but I am not ready to discuss it… at least, not here. Maybe in a few days, or weeks… we’ll see. My regular readers can read into the fact that I have not been discussing my wife or my marriage for a few months.

    This evening, I will prepare a light dinner, and then I will head out to my appointment. I will not make a stink about it, but I am a little miffed that I ran out to be there on time, paid for parking, and waited 45 minutes before realizing they were not coming. Yes, it was their mistake. No, I am not going to do anything about it. Mistakes happen. I will go in and pick out a few new shirts… and maybe a sports jacket. Whatever happens, I will not overeat again!

    Okay, it is time for me to start teaching for the day. See you all tomorrow!

  • Day 695

    While the dental surgery did not necessarily curb my eating, I was relieved to see a fair drop on the bathroom scale this morning. What will today bring? I don’t know… but I am trying to start moving forward on a lot of things, and my eating will be a part of that.

  • Day 690

    The weekend was one giant dumpster fire of cheating. I am really hoping that it is now behind me, and that I can get back on track this week. I will not list all of the ways that I cheated but suffice it to say quite a few of them were emotional eating based on my current levels of depression.

    I have gained two pounds in these last five days. I know that if I can rein my eating in for the next few days that I will get back to where I was a week ago. Once I do that then I can continue on and try to get back down to my best weight ever.

    I have started to think that maybe where I am (hovering around the 250 lbs. mark) is where I am meant to be. I am not willing to accept that so quickly though. I think the combination of how busy I have been and how depressed and despondent I have been have made it easy to think that. I am not done trying to get back down to within a more reasonable range – if I can get down to 220 lbs. then I will be satisfied. If I can get lower than that, then even better. We will see… I have to get out of my emotional funk before I decide what I am going to do about my weight. For the time being, the most that I can do is to stop falling off the wagon and not cheat. It has not been an easy month. The coming month will be no easier.

    See you tomorrow.

  • Day 668

    I fell off badly yesterday. I went grocery shopping (I had no food in the house) and thought ‘what’s the harm in buying a box of breakfast cereal? Oh, I also bought a bag of mini crisps. Here’s the harm: I ate all of the crisps and most of the breakfast cereal last night and finished it off this morning. The result (nothing to do with the bowl of cereal that polished off the box this morning) was a two-pound jump in my weight. I deserve it. Today I will do better. I will also remember that when I am no accountable to anyone but myself it is best to not buy large portions of cheat foods… coupled with my current emotional state I will just not have the willpower to make the right decisions. This means that I have to make those right decisions when I am in the store. If I do not have the temptations in the house, then I will not succumb to them.

    The plan for today is to take Her Floofness to the spa. She will be there for a few hours, and so I will probably check to see if the cigar lounge near Chez PetSmart has a smoking area. If it does not, then I will probably just find a park bench and wait there with a cigar and my phone or a book. We’ll see. All I know is that I have to try to be good today. No excessive food. No cheating.

    I woke up this morning to find a message from a friend who reads my blog daily. She was worried that I had not published yesterday, and what’s worse, the last entry was from Day 666. Yes, even in my current emotional state I noticed the 666, and yes, I know that it is the number of the beast (although I swear I never understood what that was about), but no… there was no connection. As a fairly religious Jew I would never use a reference from the New Testament with regard to my dismay. In fact, I had written yesterday’s article, but I somehow got distracted and never published it. I fixed that this morning. With that said, I truly appreciate the love and support from my friends… many of whom I do not see or speak to nearly as often as I would like.

    Anyhow, it is time to get moving. Take care folks.

  • Day 527

    I finally got to see my new doctor yesterday . She is a nice woman and is happy that I have been able to do so well with my weight loss, and promised she will continue to monitor me on a regular basis as Dr. Yates did. We talked about the ground I lost and why, and she is satisfied that I know what I need to do to get back on track.

    I finally got to see my new doctor yesterday . She is a nice woman and is happy that I have been able to do so well with my weight loss, and promised she will continue to monitor me on a regular basis as Dr. Yates did. We talked about the ground I lost and why, and she is satisfied that I know what I need to do to get back on track.

    I did not get back on track with my food yesterday. It was a very stressful day and I will not go into details. I am glad that I was able to get out to exercise. I did a 2 km jog followed by a 9 km walk. It felt good to be back at it. I did not sleep well last night, and my body battery did not charge, so I will take today off. I am driving out to see if I got kids today, so it works out fine tomorrow I will try to get out for another jog. In the meantime, I hope that I can stay on track with my eating, and I will do my best to be good and disciplined while I am there.

    Today is Canada Day, and I am celebrating being a proud Canadian. Last night I sat on the balcony with a cigar and my noise cancelling earbuds in my ear so the fireworks did not affect me too badly. I hope I will be able to get through today and tomorrow as well as I did yesterday. Fireworks are not my friend. Fortunately, Princess Sophie! took good care of me and knew that I needed support.

    Have a great day folks!

    The Jetpack app is killing me as I try to write this so I am going to s

    I did not get back on track with food yesterday

  • Day 514

    As Leslie and I sit in the garden oasis of our bed and breakfast enjoying our cigars and lattés I am in bliss and do not want this weekend to come to an end. Alas, dark becomes day and the day turns to night. It has been exactly as planned with no stress, anxiety, or deadlines.

    We enjoyed a Greek meal for lunch yesterday and we lamented how difficult it can be to keep within the dietary constraints of our faith, which severely limits our choices at restaurants. On the flip side of that, I think that by not being able to mix the meat with dairy keeps my eating somewhat healthier than it I was not following to rules. At the very least it makes me think about everything I am going to eat before I order it. As such we have not eaten any meat since Thursday. It has allowed us to enjoy dishes with cheese, and if we chose to we could also have ice cream (as we did following our Italian dinner).

    While I am not sure where my weight will be tomorrow morning, I am not terribly concerned. It would not have been difficult to eat so that I would gain five pounds this weekend. I do not think that I will have gained more than a pound… if that. It definitely could have been worse.

    While we did not order drinks with dinner, we did buy a bottle of Niagara sparkling wine which we shared with cigars after dinner. That makes two bottles of wine in two nights, plus the beer that I drank with dinner Friday. That is more than I have had to drink in a long time. I did not feel drunk either night, and I also do not think the wine will be a major contributing factor to weight gain… and we enjoyed ourselves. We will likely not drink tonight, but tomorrow I will open a bottle of 10-year-old port to pair with my cigar for the sommelier class. I am not a big drinker, but should be able to integrate reasonable consumption of alcohol into my life when the mood hits me.

    It is another lovely day in Niagara, and I am going back to enjoying it with my wife.

    Have a great day folks!