Losing a part of me

Category: Family

  • Day 58

    Yesterday morning my friend Eduardo picked me up, and we drove down to St. Catherines to spend a few hours with his son. There was some minor computer work that needed to be done – having to do mostly with Quickbooks, which made it more Victor’s area of knowledge than mine. The three of us then went for lunch at a nice Greek restaurant on the Welland canal. I was good – I had two chicken brochettes on a plate of salad. There was more salad dressing than I strictly needed, but still less than my friends put on the Caesar salad last weekend. I also enjoyed the tzatziki – certainly not on the diet, but better that it was on the chicken, and not scooped up with pita bread. No, I did not indulge in than particular sin.

    For dinner I had a slightly larger helping of chicken than I probably should have but did not go terribly overboard. I had my salad, and because it was such a lovely day, I had three and a half cigars on the patio. I was saddened by news that a close friend of my father’s had a heart attack on Wednesday, and I spent a bit of time thinking of him. I am praying for his speedy recovery. He was younger than my dad… but not by much. He was also a lifetime smoker (in addition to being a cigar smoker) and did not live the healthiest lifestyle. As Leslie and I discussed it last night, I told her I am trying to lose the weight, but I was not planning on giving up my cigars anytime soon. Esti (who told me the news) said that we all have a bullet out there with our name on it. Well, I have avoided far too many of those bullets (and none of them were figurative) to live my life in fear… and I will not give up my cigars because of that.

    I have to drive to Brantford this morning to pick up another collection of meal replacements. It is amusing that I am driving all over G-d’s green earth to pick them up… as if they were contraband being delivered by one of Cosmo Kramer’s shady friends. Never mind… I have to go out to do some grocery shopping anyways, and it is another nice day. I might bring a cigar along, although I have not decided on that yet.

    Lyle is coming over for a cigar in the afternoon, which will be nice. I really enjoy sitting and chatting with good friends. I cannot think of any other plans I have for the day, or for the weekend. I am sure something exciting will come up!

    Have a great day!

  • Day 52

    Yesterday was a day of positives all around. As expected, I worked for a few hours before starting my weekend a bit early. I had a nice salad, and then I went to pick up a couple of boxes of shakes from someone in Hamilton who was selling them off. I then stopped into Costco to pick up some cans of salmon… and ended up with $200 worth of stuff that I mostly need but some that I do not… I am not sure, for example, what I will ever do with 1000 packets of sweetener. I did buy chicken thighs, and when I returned home, I immediately separated the 27 thighs into Ziplock bags (3 per bag) and put them into the freezer. I bought some vegetables (onions, cucumbers, and tomatoes… and yes, I know they are actually a fruit but shaddup), and a few other things. While the quantities are a bit silly, I won’t have to worry about not being able to sweeten my coffee through the year 2025.

    When I got home, I realized that the two boxes of shakes that I bought (at a slightly inflated price) were actually four boxes of shakes. I texted the woman I bought them from and told her it was an honest mistake, and that I would transfer her the money immediately. She thanked me and refused and told me they were a gift. That was very sweet of her! We had a great conversation while I was there, and it was never my intention to short her. What was originally an inflated price turned out to be a bargain! Suddenly the drive was really worth it, despite the stupid price of gasoline.

    It was a beautiful afternoon. While it snowed all day, it was still reasonably mild. I sat out on the patio and enjoyed two cigars – one in the afternoon (a Partagas Serie D No. 4 from 2019) which was fabulous, and one later in the evening (a Davidoff Robusto Supremo that Leslie brought me in November). I do not remember the order, but during that time I had great video conversations with a couple of friends, with my girlfriend, and with my cousins in Florida. It was mostly positive, except to find out that my buddy and his wife will not be joining Leslie and me on vacation in May.

    Speaking of which, the trip is booked! We are flying out of Toronto the afternoon of May 10, and under four hours later we will be in sunny Varadero, Cuba. Leslie has never been on a truly relaxing, no-obligations, no-stress vacation before, and as I told her last night, I am on a mission from G-d to ensure that she has the greatest week of her life. We will take a daytrip into Habana to see friends and whatnot, but aside from that we will have no obligations beyond relaxation, enjoyment, and fun in the sun. fifty-nine days and counting!

    I got to speak with a buddy in Havana last night, which was also very nice. We will spend a day with him and his girlfriend. He told me that we can send the girlfriends off to shop while we go hunting for cigars. I laughed and told him that if he thinks that then he does not know my girlfriend, who will be every bit as excited hunting cigars as I will be; more, in fact… I’ve done the rounds of Habana cigar shops myriad times, and this will be her first time! You never forget your first time…

    The weather today is not as nice as yesterday, so I do not expect to spend much time on the patio. I might see if a friend wants to smoke in his garage, just to give me something to do today. Otherwise, I will be sitting at home and watching TV on my iPad, which still does not sound like a bad way to spend a lazy day!

    On the weight loss front, I am down a couple of pounds from yesterday! I am excited about that. A buddy asked if I wanted to drive to Niagara for Brazilian Rodizio or Buffalo wings, and I told him that they are both against my diet, and that I need to preserve my figure to fit into my bikini in Cuba. Good for a laugh, but in all seriousness, be mentioned two of my favourite food groups and I turned him down flat. I must be serious about this weight loss thing.

    Tomorrow I am taking my kids for brunch, and I will be eating. I plan to be good – breakfast and brunch are very dangerous meals because of all of the carbs and starches… I will have something good (maybe an omelet or a salad) while my kids eat their hearts out. It is not often that my older son calls me and wants to get together, so I am excited about that.

    There isn’t much else to say… I’m going to take it easy, catch up on my TV, and enjoy the day. I hope you enjoy it too!

  • Day 40

    Today is the fortieth day of my diet. I am feeling better, my clothes are fitting better. I do not feel like a new person, but I do seem to have more energy than I did at my heaviest. I have a long way to go.

    Yesterday was not a good day for my diet. While I passed the greatest challenge (not eating any of my son’s pizza or cheesy bread), I did have a lot of chicken for dinner, and a bag of popcorn. I do not know if it was simply because I miss Leslie (who I drove to the airport yesterday afternoon), or if I just slipped. It is likely the former. Today I have to do better.

    Someone responded to a post of mine on Facebook telling me not to diet, that moderation is the key. She wrote:

    “Don’t diet. I always eat pizza fries ice cream chocolate etc. It’s the portion that matters not the food. A diet isn’t sustainable and why people gain everything back and some. Eat enjoy move on. Now that’s self-love and life.”

    I wanted to say something much harsher, but opted for the following response:

    “The preceding message works fine for people who are 10-15lbs overweight. If (as I am) you are morbidly obese, please consult medical professionals (as I have), and not people who do not understand what REAL weight issues are.”

    Believe me, the first three responses that I typed were much ruder.

    I cannot stand people trying to give me weight loss advice. Everyone seems to think they know the secret. Let me let you in on a little secret: If there was one magic bullet to lose a lot of weight and keep it off, the entire world would be slim. Hey friend, I know your heart is in the right place, but kindly keep your extremely unwelcome unsolicited advice to yourself.

    That, incidentally, is good advice for anyone who is tempted to give weight-loss advice to anyone who is overweight, and who did not ask for it. If we wanted your advice, we would have asked for it. Yes, there is the extremely small percentage of people who do not know how to ask for help, and there might even be people who will be grateful for it… although I doubt it. To help you understand, this is the conversation:

    You: “Oh, I see you are having trouble losing weight. What you should do is this. I promise it will just melt off!”

    Fat Guy/Girl: “Thank you. I will consider that.”

    But here’s the thing: What Fat Guy/Girl is thinking is: “You know what, you sanctimonious prick? I did not ask for your advice, I do not want your advice, and any implication that there is a simple way to lose this much weight implies you think that I am weak and a failure, and without your help I cannot succeed. Do you think I like being morbidly obese? Do you think I do it because it is fun, or because of how attractive it makes me to the opposite sex? You asshole, I am fat because of either psychological or physiological reasons that are none of your damned business… and if they were, I would have shared them with you long since. Also, Ass: Do you think you are the first person to tell me the secret to weight loss? You are not in the top 20. Guess what? Most of you are giving me different advice. You know what the only thing all of you have in common? I did not ask for your advice, I do not want your advice, and it is a shame that it is illegal for me to punch you in the face for giving me your advice.

    Let me make this clear. While there may be others, these are the most obvious categories of overweight people:

    1. People who are happy being overweight. While this is probably the rarest of them, it is a thing.

    2. People who are unhappy being overweight but have not started trying to lose weight.

    3. People who are unhappy being overweight and who have tried and failed to lose weight.

    4. People who are unhappy being overweight and who have lost the weight then regained the weight, often several times.

    There are others, I am sure. Unless someone from any of these categories says to you “Hey, friend… I know you are slim, and I am not, and I would like your advice on how I can become more like you” then they do not want your advice.

    As a bonus, talking about their weight issues is always counterproductive. Guess what? They will know… and it will discourage them more. Your gossiping about their weight problems is just mean and makes you sound like you are still in high school.

    You might know what the psychological trauma they faced is, you may not. Yes, everyone knows I was in the Army, and some people know (or have an idea of) what I went through. Fewer people know about my childhood. You might know it all, you might know none of it. It doesn’t matter. Unless I ask you for your advice, mind your own damned business.

    For the record: Every time you tell an overweight person that the key to life is moderation and portion control, most of them want to reach for a large all-dressed pizza, a double-cheeseburger with a side of fries, or a large plate of deep-fried breaded wings dripping with sauce. If we don’t do that, it is not because of you… any more than if we do that it is because of you. Our weight gain may have many causes, but as adults, we are responsible for it; nobody forced me to make a huge plate of extra-creamy pasta with meats and cheeses and a large plate of garlic bread. I am fat because of me.

    Now please understand the corollary of that: If we eat healthy, successfully practice the self-control that we all need, and we do lose weight, we get the credit… not you.

    Have a great day. I’m going to have my lunch, and then I need a cigar before class starts.

  • Day 38

    Last night was an incredible night, but yesterday was a very emotionally difficult day.

    The story:

    When I was in Montreal a couple of weeks ago, Esti (my father’s widow) gave me a DVD to borrow of a presentation that my father did. Dad grew up in a poor, very Jewish immigrant neighbourhood of Montreal (that has since been gentrified and populated by Yuppies). Eighty-some years later, there is a group “from the old hood” that is called The Boys/Girls of Esplanade, and they get together every so often to reminisce about the past. At a certain point, they started a tradition that at every meeting one member would get up and give a speech about his or her memories of the old neighbourhood, and how their lives evolved after leaving it. In October of 2017 it was Arthur’s turn, and it was recorded and put onto a DVD. I think he might have told me about it then, but I forgot. Esti was sure he had gotten copies to give to my sister and me, but I know I never got one.

    For the first time since my father died, I heard his voice. I heard him speaking, telling so many stories that I had heard before… and a few that I had never heard. For over an hour, my father told stories about his life, and I was in tears from nearly the first minute. Leslie held me throughout, and when there was something that she couldn’t understand (as Montreal Jews, we often throw in French, Hebrew, and Yiddish words into everyday conversation). At the end of the speech, I called Esti to tell her I had watched it, and then Leslie and I went to sit outside, and I smoked a very high-end cigar in my father’s memory. My father never smoked cigars – he smoked one in law school and got so sick that he never tried another – but he did not mind if I smoked them around him, as we sat on his back patio.

    In the evening, Leslie and I had a date night. I had a very high-end cigar, and I also had a glass of scotch whisky. It was the second dram that I enjoyed this week, and I know that it is completely not on the weight-loss program. The first one that I had was to calm me down during a very unpleasant disagreement between Leslie and me. It was a good dram, but I did not enjoy it because it was just to calm my nerves. The one I had last night was different. Leslie (at my request) brought me a bottle of Glenrothes 18-year-old Speyside whisky, and it was just heavenly. In fact, our entire date night was perfect. I prepared dinner as I usually do, and then I sat outside listening to music while Leslie got ready… and wow, did she doll herself up! My girlfriend is always pretty and sexy, but when she stepped out onto the balcony my jaw dropped. We had a fabulous time, and throughout the evening I think, if it is at all possible, we grew even closer together.

    I think the only cheat from yesterday was the whisky, but it was worth it! We went shopping yesterday afternoon, and I purchased two gorgeous salmon tails that I will prepare for dinner this evening. I also purchased sesame seeds, soy sauce, and ginger. Because of my diet, I cannot take Leslie out for Japanese food… but I can do my best to recreate at least some of that culinary experience for her (and for myself). She is a master of preparing rice, and she will be in charge of that… and yes, despite rice not being part of my plan, I will have a little bit… not a lot though.

    We got up a little later than usual this morning, but we stayed in bed and talked for a long time, so her omelet was a brunch omelet, and she will likely not need to eat before dinner. I had my breakfast shake and will have a salad mid-afternoon. Around 4:00pm she is scheduled for her Covid-19 test (she is flying home tomorrow afternoon) so we have to drive out to the area around the airport to do that, but we will then come home and have dinner.

    It is a nice day outside, and we took HRF Princess Sophie for a nice walk this morning. We will repeat that process this evening. It is our last evening together for this trip, which is sad, but knowing that she will be back in less than a month makes it a little easier.

    Have a great day folks, and enjoy the weekend, wherever you are!