Losing a part of me

Category: Family

  • Day 432

    Yesterday was one of those days where very little went as planned, and almost everything worked out great. I had lunch with my son the younger at Lone Star Texas Grill, where I did eat four tortilla chips but only four. When the waiter told us he would be right back with the chips and salsa I told him not to bring them, unless he could bring celery sticks in place of the chips. He did not. The four chips that I took were off my son’s plate of chips and queso. He tried to ask the waiter to refill the queso at one point, not understanding that he was asking for another order. I explained to him that what he had eaten, combined with the chicken wings that he would be bringing home with him, was enough. He demurred. I ate my fajita bowl with grilled chicken, but I forgot to ask him to leave out the cheese. This was bad because I cannot mix cheese with chicken, but good because they were not mixed. I simply cut the food around the cheese and left that – along with most of the rice. All in all, I don’t think I ate too badly.

    When I was dropping him off, I asked him to bring the present in for his brother. As I sat in the car answering a text, he ran back up to the car and told me I was invited in. His brother was thrilled with the bottle that I had selected for him and invited me to sit down for a wee taste of it… and insisted his mother (read: my ex-wife) join us. Theresa and I get along just fine, but I have known her for seventeen years and I have never seen her enjoy even the smallest drop of whisky or whiskey, but our son insisted and poured for her the smallest portion, just to taste it. The look on her face was exactly what I would have expected, and while it was mildly entertaining to watch, I felt bad for her having to drink something that she really does not like. The rest of the conversation (which lasted more than two hours) was extremely pleasant (Theresa did not stay for most of it) and my son and I caught up. It was absolutely delightful… and extremely interesting in ways that I will not share in public. I am so happy for him though!

    Had I devoured an entire plate of tortilla chips, or even a full dram of whiskey (I did have half an ounce, and he was right insofar as it is absolutely the best Irish whiskey I’ve had), I might have come home and felt so guilty that I would have immediately suited up and gone for a jog. I did not feel guilty about what I ate yesterday (although I do feel bad about the previous day), but it was such a gorgeous day that I felt I needed to hit the road. Julie had canceled our meeting, and my buddy Eduardo was going to come over after 6:00pm for a cigar, so I suited up and did just that. I had no expectations, I just wanted to get a workout in.

    Jogging

    • pb Distance: 11km (13.45 km) **
    • pb Duration: 1:27:32 (1:18:45)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m57s (6m00s)
    • pb Steps: 13,750 (11,350)
    • Calories burned: 1,400 (1,626)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (155)

    ** While I know I have recorded a higher distance on the treadmill, due to calibration issues I have little faith in the accuracy of that activity. This distance was measured by GPS and I believe it to be accurate.

    I killed it. I jogged a full 11km with fewer stops than I have done do far, and one of those stops was because I needed to take a chat. I would have gone farther if it was not for Eduardo, but I know that he would be arriving around 6:00pm, and I did not want him to wait too long for me. Had he not been coming over I would have tried to finish the 15km that would earn me the badge for the month of March. While I still have a few days to try to achieve that, I am not sure that I will… I was surprised that I was able to do 11km without falling down! I did, in the meantime, crack the top 22% for the yearlong challenge on the other app that I mentioned. While it is somewhat disconcerting to see that I am in something like 28,000th place, knowing that there are 132,500 participants in the challenge (and that more than 100,000 of those are behind me) does feel good. Also, I know that the point of the challenge is not to win, but to complete it. The prizes will be raffled off to those who complete the challenge, and not awarded to the winners.

    I am still very upset that I lost my Black Belt. There are still two places where it might be, but I am resigned to the fact that I will almost certainly be buying a new one this week. While the money does not bother me as much (it will cost about $50 to replace), there is an emotional attachment to such an item. Unlike my previous belts which were tied on to me by my GrandMaster, this one I purchased myself (I was promoted officially after I had moved to California), but I am still attached to it. There are still two places where it might be – one is at the Taekwondo school where I will be training, so I will be able to drop in today to ask, and the other is in Dallas (which is much less likely) – but I am not holding out hope. I will check… but when I get to the dojang today and they tell me it is not there, I will bite the bullet and order a new one. It is sad, but it is necessary. In the meantime, I have a second belt with the appropriate rank. When I had my belt made, they accidentally confused inches with centimetres, so I have an embroidered belt that is five sizes too small. I will not be able to wear it properly, but at least I will be able to wear it.

    Yesterday was a day filled with huge positives. I already mentioned that I spent some great quality time with each of my sons in turn, which was great. I also had a nice and positive conversation with my ex-wife about the progress of my son the younger and our struggles with getting him the appropriate help for him and his issues. Seeing a number of my friends who are divorced parents who have horrible relationships with their ex-partners, I am always so grateful that Theresa and I have always been able to maintain a civil relationship. We will never be friends, but there is no animosity. I thank G-d for that. I digress. My son the elder commented that he noticed that I have lost a lot of weight and that I am looking great. I showed him the most recent before/after picture that I took a couple of weeks ago, and he was so amazed that he called his mother downstairs to come look at it. Later in the evening I realized that while I had a milestone a few months back for dropping below the weight I was when Leslie first saw me, I am also now at the lowest weight that Theresa has ever seen me. When I lose five more pounds, I will weigh less than I did when any of my three wives knew me. That blows my mind… not only the weight, but the fact that I have been married three times. I never thought I would be one of those statistics. Hopefully with all of the work I have done to improve myself – both mentally and emotionally but also physically – Leslie and I will be able to live happily ever after together.

    The next great feeling was when my neighbour – Charlie’s mom – commented yesterday that I have lost a lot of weight. It always makes me smile! She asked how much, and I told her. She was floored, and asked how I did it. I told her that it was a lot of hard work… and the realization that the pace at which Princess Sophie walks is not exercise. It did not hurt that I said this as I was coming in from my jog

    I just had a conversation with my mechanic. The car has to go in to check the transmission. The first step will be to check the transmission fluid. If it is not that, this is going to be a very expensive week. I am truly hoping it is the fluid. MY appointment is an hour from now, so I should know more by lunchtime. I will bring my eBook reader with me to the appointment in case it is going to take a while… and a cigar. Yes, it is a bit chilly out, but if this exercise might cost me anywhere from $100 to $3000, I think a cigar to keep me relaxed would not be the worst idea!

    After three days of gaining weight (2.8 lbs.) I was happy to drop 1.2 lbs. this morning on the bathroom scale, despite my cheat eating. I have to assume that the jogging really helps. I was still above 260, but only very minimally. I am now 1.6 lbs. heavier than my best weight yet, and 5.2 lbs. from my best post-Army weight ever. Knowing that, my plan for the day is to stay on track and to stay mindful. After my trip to the mechanic, assuming that my car is drivable, I will go to the gym for a good run, to be followed by a good hydro massage and a shvitz. I am teaching this evening, so I have to be back here by 5:00pm, which is not a problem. I am truly hoping that my car is still drivable, because if it is not then I will not be going to the gym, instead taking an Uber to come back home. I suppose I could take the Uber to the gym… I will consider that when the time comes. I should also plan to take my meal replacement with me to the mechanic. My appointment is at 11:30, and I am due for the meal replacement between 1:00p and 1:30pm. In the best-case scenario, I will be drinking it as I drive to the gym.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 431

    I slipped last night. The salad I had in the evening was likely of little consequence. When I got home (after 11pm) I had that last bag of pop chips (actually called Crispy Minis I realized) in addition to my meal replacement shake. Combine food that I should not be eating at hours when I should not be eating anything, and the result is what I got on the bathroom scale this morning. I hope the nearly two-pound jump from yesterday, in addition to surging above that previous monumental achievement of dropping below 260 pounds, and you have a big, loud wakeup call that will serve as a reminder of the consequences of not being mindful for just a few moments.

    I had trouble falling asleep, but once I had, my precious puppy let me know at about 3:15am that she really needed to go outside. She is not a fan of inclement weather, and while I had taken her outside several times during the day (and when I got back from Toronto), she had only sniffed briefly at the grass, peed a little, and then insisted we go back inside. When we went out before bed to blustering winds and freezing rain, she did a little bit of business, but then made an about-face and guided me right back into the building. I was pretty sure we were done for the night, but that was not to be. As a result, my sleep definitely could have been better.

    There are two measurements that my new fitness watch tracks which my old one did not. In truth, there are several… but these are the two I have been watching and am focusing on now. The first is sleep, which I suppose my old one probably tracked too, but with its much shorter battery life I never wore it to bed. Whether the other one did or not, the new one provides a sleep score, which for last night is telling me that: ‘You slept long enough, but you spent too much time awake. You may not feel well-rested today.’ I could have told it the second part, although I am impressed that it thinks I slept long enough. I think he mistook my lying in bed resting (and checking my phone) with actual sleep.

    The second measurement that it is providing me is called body battery, which provides a number for estimating my changing energy levels throughout the day. Right now, it is at 84, the highest number it has been since Tuesday before my jog. I also know that it likely takes a few days wearing the new device to get an accurate picture of that, so when Monday (the first day that I wore it and that I exercised) it registered a 100 (and then only dropped to 37 after 8km on the treadmill) I will assume that it was just trying to calibrate. Following Friday’s nearly 80 minutes on the treadmill my battery dropped to 11, and by the end of my relaxing Saturday it had not risen above 75. I will keep an eye on it as a matter of interest and curiosity, but I am pretty good at knowing when I should and should not work out.

    Speaking of which, today will likely not be a jogging day, for a slightly amusing reason. I do not always clip my toenails as well as I should, and I believe that the nail of my pinky toe on my left foot has cut into my next toe with all of my recent running. I will clip them on both feel today, and if I feel the need to jog later in the day (a definite possibility, especially with the weather forecast) then I will bandage my second toe before heading out. I am not sure I have ever put a Band-Aid on any but my big toe before, but there can always be a first time, right? The critical importance of having healthy feet is a lesson that was drilled into us in the Army, and I will not disappoint those who drilled that into me by letting a toe get infected for no reason other than stubbornness. In the meantime, if after my lunch with my son (the younger) I can clip them and then go for a run before Julie comes over then I will gladly take the opportunity; the forecast is for a sunny day with a high of 9°, making it a brilliant day to hit the road. Tomorrow’s forecast promises chilly temperatures with a mix of rain and snow all day… if I am going to jog outside this week, it looks like today, Tuesday, and possibly Thursday are the days to do it. The rest of the days will be gym days only.

    Yes, my diet buddy is coming over this afternoon around 4:00. I joked with her that instead of out usual coffee we might go out for beers and to ‘score some chicks’ which was my feeble attempt at Sunday morning humour. Her wife is in Yukon and mine is in Dallas so we joke like that a lot… and look forward to the day when we can actually go to a bar to see which women check both of us out. Neither of us would ever follow through with anything, but it will be nice to be looked at. We have both been overweight for so long that we are used to being ignored. We both have wives who love us and who have always been attracted to us, but it is nice to know that other people can look at us that way too. As it stands, we will sit at my place and have coffee; after these last few days I feel that I do need the touch point to get back on track, so it will be good to see her for that reason as well as just seeing my friend.

    I am taking my son the younger for lunch today, and I hope he picks one of the places with fewer temptations. No, he just confirmed that he wants Lone Start Texas Grill. My response to his mother was ‘Fucking Lone Star.’ There is nothing wrong with the restaurant of course… and I can have my usual salad there (and not finish it or take it home with me). It is just those damned tortilla chips and salsa that kill me every time. I MUST RESIST. Maybe I will ask Tex or Dakota or whatever stupid alias the server uses that is supposed to sound Texan to bring me celery sticks to dip into the salsa instead. I will find a way to resist, even if I have to eat the damned salsa with a fork. When I get home this afternoon, I will be proud of myself for not giving in to the temptation. I swear to G-d I will figure out a way. The salsa is high in sodium but if I ate three ounces of it with celery, I would be at 18 calories with 3g of carbohydrates. I can live with that.

    I am back from lunch, where I did mostly okay. I ordered the grilled chicken fajita bowl, eschewing the cheese (of course) and the rice (mostly). I did eat four of Gilad’s tortilla chips. Four chips is immeasurably better than all the chips! When I was dropping him off, his mother told me I should come in to bring his brother his birthday gift. My son the elder was quite impressed by my selection and invited me in to sample it. I had the smallest portion of whiskey possible, and it was absolutely delicious. I could easily have poured another three or four measures for myself; instead, when he brought out pecan halves, I took six – a reasonable portion by any measure. We spent several hours talking, with some amazing revelations which I will not share here.

    It is a beautiful afternoon – it is still sunny, and the forecast high temperature is two degrees behind us. I am going to clip my nails and go for a jog. Julie had to cancel, so we will have a phone call instead. That’s life. The day is mostly done, and my biggest temptations and hurdles are in the rearview mirror. I was not strictly on my program today… but in the balance I will chalk it up as a success. Tomorrow morning when I write of this afternoon’s jog I hope to do so with a spring in my step, as I plan my trip to the gym to attack the treadmill with gusto.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 421

    Yesterday was a day off from exercising. I had a relaxing morning at home, and after Leslie and I had lunch I headed to the cigar lounge where shortly after lighting my cigar, I got a wonderful surprise. My son the elder, with whom I have not spoken in several months, reached out and we had a thirty-minute video call. It was wonderful to see his face and catch up with him about so many things. The odd thing is that while we discussed so many things about our lives (including my recent diagnosis of ADHD, and the progress I have made on the medications), one of the most important, relevant, and front-and-centre topics of my life did not come up. I did not say to him that since he last saw me (probably in October) I have lost fifty pounds, or that my total weight loss is 128 lbs.… and I don’t know why. I was going to send him the before and after picture which I posted just yesterday, but I think I’ll just let him see for himself. He told me that at some point in the near future he will try to make time for us to sit together to share a dram and a cigar. It is amazing to realize that the little boy that I met when he was nine years old and adopted shortly thereafter is turning twenty-five on Sunday. How time flies! The grains of sand in the hourglass flow one way only, and they flow at their steady pace no matter our attempts to retard them.

    The response I received to that before and after picture is amazing. Hundreds of people liked and commented on it on the two Facebook support groups that I am in, and it drove over eighty hits on my weight loss blog. To put that in perspective, the previous week had sixty hits… not per day, rather a total of sixty hits! When my professional blog was in its prime, and I was posting on a regular basis, there was a day when I was sitting in a conference room in Phoenix, Arizona when I got a notification that my blog stats were blowing up. It had been given an award that had been published in a magazine, but the magazine had forgotten to notify me about it. This was the same level of ‘blow-up.’ My professional blog went from 200-250 hits on an average day to over a thousand hits on that day in Phoenix. The difference is that with my weight loss blog, today the stats will go back to normal… which is okay, I don’t mind! I reach certain people daily, some people occasionally, and others once or once in a while. I write for me, to keep myself accountable to myself.

    From the cigar lounge I went to Whole Foods because they were having a special on sockeye salmon marinated in a mango glaze which both Leslie and I thought sounded very tasty. I also picked up a head of cauliflower, which I prepared before my class started. I cut a quarter of it up, drizzled some olive oil on it, then Tony Chachere’s Creole Seasoning (a favourite of Leslie’s and mine), and a little bit of shredded cheese. I put the mixing bowl into the fridge until my class break, at which point I put the fish into one tray of the air fryer, and the cauliflower into the other. With ten minutes left in class (and while my students were all completing their in-class assignments) I turned both sides of the machine on so that as soon as class was over we could eat. This fish was much tastier than my recent attempt at ahi tuna, and the cauliflower was tasty as well… although I suspect most of the cheese melted to the bottom of the pan and ended up not getting to our plates. Still and all, it was very tasty!

    Unlike the previous evening, I opted to stick with my non-alcoholic iced tea to accompany my cigars, and it paired better with the second cigar than the first. I did not make this decision because I had not exercised, I just did not feel I needed the alcohol. Once again, Leslie and I spent a very lovely evening on the balcony enjoying each other’s company. We both know that until I get my visa, these nights together are precious and too few to waste. We both hope that it will not be too much longer to wait.

    I mentioned to Leslie yesterday that I expected, after yesterday’s tremendous drop, the bathroom scale would likely take a couple of ounces back this morning. It did not. In fact, it gave me another drop, and I am again in best-weight-yet territory. I am now under 7 lbs. from beating my best weight from 2020, and if I continue to lose at an average of .4 lb. per day, I will achieve that by April 2… a full ten days ahead of the time it took me nearly three years ago. This morning the comparative pace to that time was 6 lbs. better now. I do not plan to slow down.

    Speaking of weight loss (this is, after all, a journal primarily about losing weight, right?), I am thrilled that after the initial ‘shock’ from travel and from the first-night cheat meal I have recovered all of the weight that I had gained, and I weigh 2.5 lbs. less than I did on the morning I flew to Dallas. While my stated goal was to gain no more than two pounds during my trip, I also knew that on my last trip I had lost over three pounds. I was hoping to repeat that trend, even though I knew I would be eating (comparatively) indulgently during the trip. At this rate, even if my weight stays the same from now until Sunday, I will have bested my stated goal, and actually lost weight again. Leslie told me that she is relieved that being with her does not cause me to gain weight. I am too, especially knowing that I have had partners in the past who were less than encouraging with my weight loss efforts. When I told her yesterday that I was expecting a weight gain this morning she told me that she just hoped that it was not significant, and that I stayed below the 270 lbs. mark, which she knows for me is a psychological trigger. The difference between gaining one pound and going from 268 to 269 does not have nearly the same psychological impact that would gaining .2 lb. and going from 269.8 to 270. At the rate I am going, it is not impossible that I might actually drop to 265 by the time I leave… but that would be a lot to hope for.

    It is a rainy and blustery day in Dallas, not at all conducive to jogging outside. As such I am going to make my first trip to the gym in the apartment complex. I do not know all of the equipment that they have, but Leslie tells me that it is all nice and modern. I will decide when I am there what I will do, but my first attempt at a ten-kilometre jog will likely have to wait another day or two. I can run on a treadmill, but I do not know if I would jog that long on it. We’ll see. In the afternoon we are going to do some work on a system that we both want to learn a bit more about, and which I will probably write a blog article about for my professional blog before we are done. I know we both love that we are in the same profession and can talk shop, but the fact that we can occasionally work together to figure something out that will benefit both of us… that’s really cool to me!

    We will be going out for dinner. I do not know where yet, but we will pick something that will suit both our tastebuds as well as my dietary needs. Tuesday evening we were planning to go for Indian food, until we realized that the restaurant she had in mind likely did not have anything suitable for my dietary needs. Everything that she would have recommended to me would have had meats prepared with dairy, which is a no-no for my religious beliefs. She told me this restaurant did not have a great vegetarian selection, and that the dishes that would have been suitable would likely have been too spicy for me. If that sounds strange for a man who enjoys spicy foods (and who used to win hot-pepper-eating contests in the Army against Moroccan and Yemeni soldiers), I answer that Indian food has always been my nemesis. I was essentially force-fed spicy chicken curry by my mother as a very young boy and hated it from the beginning. As an adult I went to India but came home with dysentery. All this to say that if Leslie is going to re-introduce me to Indian food so that I will enjoy it, we should do it carefully. I love her for understanding me!

    Mindfulness is the order of the day… and exercise. I am heading out now and will do my best to get in a good workout, and then after my shower I will pick up salads for lunch. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 395

    Holy crap it is cold outside. Knowing that the forecast high is well above the freezing mark, I was not expecting the biting wind and cold of -8°, with the wind chill making it feel ten degrees colder. Princess Sophie, lower to the ground where I suppose the wind is not so harsh, was happy to go for the full turn through the park, which meant that I did get over 2,000 steps in before my coffee, and it also meant I was quietly thanking G-d for the wonderful scarf that Leslie knit for me last year. Even through my leather gloves my fingers were chilled. Nevertheless, I am Canadian born and bred, and I knew to dress properly for this February morning, and aside from my digits, the only discomfort I felt was to the only exposed part of my body… my face.

    I met my goals yesterday. I stayed on track. Save for a single sugar-free lozenge during class, I did not veer from the program. I remember writing yesterday, the words still on the screen if I look at the last paragraph in this immense journal, that I would drop below the 280-pound mark in the next couple of days. I did not have to wait any longer than that; when I stepped off the bathroom scale this morning, I could hardly believe my eyes, but after re-checking it several times, the numbers read 279.8 lbs. As an added bonus (but wait… there’s more!) my body mass index (BMI), that measurement that earlier this week I railed against, dropped below 36. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (www.cdc.gov), I am about 7.5 lbs. away from dropping out of Obese Class II into Obese Class I. That precise milestone happens to coincide with another upcoming milestone, which is my best weight from 2017. I have added that as a note on my comparative chart from 2020, which this morning has me 1.2 lbs. better than I was on the corresponding day from that year (Day 16 of my comparison), although that is not entirely accurate, as I was in Las Vegas at the time, as I would be through Day 19.

    I have written before that setting short-term goals is one of the keys to long-term success because they give you something to reach for that is not years away but can be reached within a reasonable period. If I were only looking eighteen months ahead then in the grand scheme of things, why would it matter if I took one day off? With short-term goals, I know that last weekend’s failure with the nachos and salsa delayed today’s milestone by four or five days. I did not cheat again during the week (although that latté also slowed my progress), and I got here. When I started out, the idea of losing the 115 lbs. that I have so far lost was impossibly distant… so I set goals for 20, 40, 80, 100, 120, 140, and 170 pounds. I also set milestones at every 10 pounds, and several other benchmarks along the way. I have strived to reach those… and I have celebrated both the scale- and non-scale victories. Without setting short-term goals, I do not know if it would be possible for anyone to achieve that long-term success. Hitting milestones feels wonderful, and it is these short-term victories that spur us on to not cheat today.

    At the same exact moment that I was about to step onto the bathroom scale, I noticed a text message on my phone from a woman that I am trying to support through her weight loss journey. Through no fault of her own, she ran into a huge obstacle on her journey, and she was desperate to figure out how to handle it. I called her, and we spoke at length about different ways she could get past it. We also discussed how she should start making small lifestyle changes that will increase her chances for success by limiting her exposure to temptations. I have said since the first time I started this program in 2017 that I was lucky that I lived alone and did not have to be around someone else’s food… let alone have to prepare it for them.

    She has a teenage son for whom she has been cooking every evening, requiring her to be in the kitchen with the food every evening. I am not a gourmet chef by any measure (well, measured against the chefs in the Army I suppose I am) but I can tell you that I cannot imagine preparing food properly without tasting it to make sure I got it right. Her husband spends a lot of time on the road for work, but the son has to eat. I suggested that she come up with several meal ideas for him, then take him shopping… and teach him how to cook for himself. This is not only a good plan for her weight loss but will also greatly benefit him for the rest of his life. Start with a simple dish like spaghetti… here’s how to cook the noodles (and if there is anything easier than this other than toast then I don’t know what it is), and here’s how to empty the sauce into a pot and heat it up. Hamburgers! Here’s the patty, here’s the frying pan. You like onions and tomatoes on your burger? Great! Here’s a knife. Let’s make chicken! Here’s chicken-quarters, here’s a pan, here’s some seasoning. You get the picture. Oh, and by the way, kiddo… everything you use, you have to clean… so here’s how to minimize the mess that you make so as to facilitate the clean-up. Trust me, when you move into a university dorm… or when you are sixteen and your parents go away for the weekend… or when you are fifty-years-old, twice-divorced and living apart from your new wife because of the US Department of State… knowing how to prepare your own healthy meals without relying on ordering in all the time will be a huge lifesaver… not to mention that women find guys who can cook for them hot.

    Okay, we have addressed that problem… but what about the meal replacements that her clinic refuses to sell her until she comes in for an appointment, but they cannot fit her in until the beginning of next month? Okay, here’s a solution to that… and until they ship to you, here’s an interim solution.

    Perfect… I just wish that my friends understood. Guess what, lady? Nobody does. Your husband is wonderful and understanding and supportive and that is amazing. That does not mean that he understands. Your friends, who think that the program you are on is unhealthy because they are all so much smarter than you? Not only are they wrong, but they will never understand. This may sound obnoxious or arrogant (and it would not be the first time this week that I have been called either or both of those), but that’s why you have me. I told her the story about the guy who fell into a hole, which rather that typing out, I will copy and paste from the site http://www.westwingtranscripts.com, as it quotes the great Leo McGarry (played by the incredible John Spencer):

    This guy’s walking down a street, when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep. He can’t get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up “Hey you! Can you help me out?” The doctor writes him a prescription, throws it down the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up “Father, I’m down in this hole, can you help me out?” The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. “Hey Joe, it’s me, can you help me out?” And the friend jumps in the hole! Our guy says “Are you stupid? Now we’re both down here!” and the friend says, “Yeah, but I’ve been down here before, and I know the way out.”

    Like so many others, she is afraid to ask for help. Asking for help is not easy. I asked her what she was afraid of, and she told me that she was afraid that she would disappoint me when she failed. I told her about the nacho and salsa incident last Sunday… how I dealt with it, and how I recovered my footing the next day. I told her about how I did my research and planned out the meal in advance so that I would not fail… and then how I failed… not months ago, mind you; this happened six days ago. I could have told her about myriad other failures along my journey… not to mention the fact that my journey has started three times now, and I have now lost over one hundred pounds three times now… and twice I have regained it all back. I told her that people who do not fail, do not need my support. I told her that if she could do it alone, she would have done it alone. I told her that I would never judge her because I have been her… Hell, I am her. It is far too easy to gain weight and far too hard to lose it. The difference is that there are all sorts of people who will help you to gain it… in fact, it is so easy that you do not usually need their help. While there might be psychological reasons why we gain weight, it is a simple process… make bad choices, eat too much of it, repeat. If she wants my support then she should take advantage of it when she is about to cheat and needs someone to offer her alternatives… or when she has already cheated and needs someone who understands, and who can guide her away from the slippery slope.

    In January 2002 I was on a ski trip to Steamboat Springs, Colorado. I had not been on skis since 1981, and I knew that I would need lessons. After being fitted for my rental equipment, I spent the morning of that first day on the slopes with an excellent instructor who helped me to remember that I was once a skier, and he spent more time showing me the best trails than he did showing me technique. It really was just like riding a bike. I bade him farewell at the end of the morning, and after lunch at the top of the mountain, I headed out on my own.

    I found myself at a divide between two trails, and I decided that the green dot trail would be too easy for me. I opted for the blue square trail, which after remembering that I used to be a skier was more my speed. It was an unfamiliar trail, but I had been down many ‘blue runs’ that morning, and I would be fine. Pretty soon, that trail split into two… a blue run, and a double black diamond run, which would be far too advanced for me. I was about to make the turn to stay safe when something got in my way… I do not remember if it was another skier or a critter. The slight delay in turning forced my hand, and I was on the double-black run. I was feeling exhilarated! I was doing great… until I realized how fast I was going, and I tried to slow down… but the slope had gotten too steep, and nothing that I remembered from my childhood or from my two hours of lessons that morning taught me anything about stopping on a 70° downward slope of pure powder. My legs did everything they could to stay under me, and I made every turn possible to slow my descent, but it was to no avail… pretty soon I was on my ass (wholly predictable), and it took me another 60-100 metres to stop. I collected my skis (which took longer than you might expect, considering all of the factors), and walked down to safer ground. A ski patrol who had seen what had happened came by and clipped my lift ticket. I was done for the day.

    The trauma from that day stuck with me. I spent the next day (a gorgeous sunny ‘champagne powder’ day) sitting at a bar called The Tap House in town. The following day I did something else. My three-day ski trip turned into a one-day ski trip, with two more days of drinking, eating chicken wings, playing trivia at the bar, and sitting in the outdoor hot tub at the Steamboat Grand.

    The following year, I went on a ski trip to Montana, and I stuck to the green slopes. A year or two later, I went to Park City, Utah… once again, skiing the easiest slopes, except for when I was with a guide… who knew that I was not an experienced skier. The guides knew this from what I told them, not from watching me ski. They all tried to encourage me to try again, but I never got past that slippery slope at Steamboat Springs.

    If only I had not excused my instructor that first day. If only I had the courage to say, ‘I still need help!’ If only I had not thought to myself that I could do it myself and did not need anyone’s help. I wonder how much more enjoyment I would have gotten out of those trips had I just admitted that I needed help.

    That slippery slope can kill you and thank G-d you did not go off a cliff.

    Had I asked for help I likely would not have been on the slippery slope… and had I done so, the help would have guided me to safety.

    I did not need any help on the green and blue trails, and had I stuck to those, everything would have been fine. If my friend lived alone, never needing to expose herself to other peoples’ foods, she would be just fine. There is no shame in asking for help… and if the person that you ask knows what you are going through then they will never judge you for what you perceive to be your weaknesses. They will understand.

    People who do not make mistakes, do not slip, do not falter… they do not need support. The rest of us can truly use the support of others, and we are foolish to eschew it and try to go it alone. Weight loss is a very difficult uphill climb, and as with mountain climbing it is so easy to make one misstep… and fall off the cliff. The difference between recovering and failing is the support that we have. Refusing to reach out to them for fear of judgement is no different from making that last mistake that sees you falling to the bottom.

    Whoever you reach out to for support will be thrilled to celebrate your successes and victories with you… but they will also be there when you falter to remind you that you are not alone. They will give you tips and tricks on how to do better… and they will help you to remember that any weight loss journey will be replete with successes and failures, and that you are human and will make mistakes. Can you minimize those mistakes? Sure. Can you avoid them completely? Probably not. Along the road to being slim a few nacho chips with salsa will fall in your path. Get by them and continue on your journey.

    My plan for today is to stay on track. The fact that I achieved a milestone this morning does not mean that I get to rest on my laurels. I am now 19.5 lbs. from reaching my best post-Army weight… I am 4.6 lbs. from going to my tailor’s appointment under 275 lbs., and I am 9.6 lbs. from flying to Dallas under 270 lbs. These are all short-term goals that I have set for myself, and while they are on the far end of realistic, a single misstep would likely put them out of reach. I will not sabotage myself by falling down now. After my second shake of the day, I am going to drive into Hamilton to see Lyle and Dorothy for a couple of hours. I asked Lyle what I could bring, and he reminded me that I have had a bag of Montreal bagels in my freezer for them for the last several months. I will be glad to be rid of them at long last, and they are currently sitting in my travel cooler by the front door. I might stop in at Bulk Barn near them because there is a snack that Leslie asked for that was not available in the Bulk Barn near me. Unlike so many other snacks that I might pick up for her, these are just too decadent to tempt me seriously. Yes, I would love them… but unlike Goldfish crackers or Pop Chips, I cannot look at a chocolate-covered pretzel covered in M&Ms and make any justification that would sound plausible. ‘Hey, Goldfish crackers, eaten in moderation, are a reasonable snack!’ Maybe so… but who am I trying to kid that if I open the bag today that there will be any left by bedtime tomorrow? No, the pretzels for Leslie and her son will be safe… and by going into Bulk Barn on a day when not only did I hit a milestone, but also on a day when I spent so much time supporting (and then writing about supporting) others through missteps will not hold the same temptation as it might if it were just any other day. Stay the course. Stay on track. When I wake up tomorrow morning, I might weigh 280 lbs… or I might weigh 279.2 lbs. If it is the former, it will not be because I cheated today. If it is the latter, it will definitely be because I did not cheat today.

    (Holy crap! I do not know if I have ever written over 3,000 words for a single journal entry. If you read all of it then power to you!)

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 342

    I completely fell off the wagon yesterday. Am still down a couple of ounces. It is a Boxing Day miracle!

    I pulled the meal replacement bars out of the pantry, because I had planned to eat one on the way to Strathroy, so that I would not be tempted by the spread of finger foods that Cam and Amanda always put out. Pulling them out of the pantry is not the same as taking them with me. You see where this is going, right?

    What saved me was the fact that all of the desserts had dairy, which I cannot eat after meat (or in this case, fowl). While it all looked wonderful, I decided that if I could not be true to my diet, I should at least be true to my religious beliefs. While everyone enjoyed Cool Whip pie and shortbreads and other yummies, I took a handful of cashews and pistachio nuts, which I enjoyed with my after-dinner coffee.

    Today I am taking my son the younger for lunch, and I know what I have to do. I will stay on track today, and lunch will be a salad. If he opts for a restaurant where that is not an option, then I will abstain. I have plenty of leftover turkey that came home with me last night, so I don’t even have to cook. I will prepare a salad to go with it, and that will be that.

    By this afternoon the weather should reach today’s forecast high of -2°, which means that it might be comfortable enough to enjoy a cigar on the balcony. We will see. Cam and Amanda gifted me a bottle of 14-year-old single malt whisky (they always know my size!) but I think I will abstain. I am still in the first week of taking medications that are designed to affect my mind, and I do not think that drinking alcohol is a good idea… at least not until I have seen the doctor after the second week. No, I will stick to coffee and tea, which considering the fact that it will be -2° and I will be sitting outside is probably not a bad idea anyways.

    I have to acknowledge a couple of non-scale victories… or at least, changes in my behaviour this week:

    First of all, as I sit at my desk typing, there is a pile of wrapped presents next to me… along with a large box of dark chocolate Chanukah gelt coins. Some of those coins are for my sons, some for friends who I will see later in the week. The old me – no, that is not right… I have not changed; Had I behaved the way I used to behave, I would have thought to open a bag (or two) of the gelt for a snack. These coins have been in the house since mid-November, but they have been on my desk for a week. I have not taken a single coin.

    Second: I mentioned that I went to visit Eduardo Sunday evening. He had received from his family a fancy package of dried fruits and nuts, which he opened and put out for us to snack on while we enjoyed our cigars. At a certain point we were both done with them, and I decided to put them away. I know myself, and when there are finger foods (especially wonderful things like nuts and dried fruits) easily accessible, it does not matter that I have had enough… I will take more. Putting them away and out of reach (and out of sight) made it easier for me. When Eduardo told me I should take them home, I politely declined. He insisted, telling me that he would not eat them. I told him: ‘My friend, I thank you for your kindness. You know that I am on a diet, and I have a track record for not having great self control around food. If I take them home, I will eat them all in one sitting, as I have nobody watching. If you keep them here, you can offer them to me again the next time I visit, and I will eat some of them… because you are here, and I will be conscious of someone watching me so I will not gorge. That way, they may be here for two or three more visits. If I take them home, they will be finished before I go to sleep tonight.’

    These two acts are things that I would not have done had I not been focusing on awareness. Focus and Awareness are two of my themes that I have called out these last few days as things that I have to work with. Whether the ADHD meds are helping with that or not, I do not know… but I am working on them, which is what I need to do.

    Okay, I am off to the UPS Store. My godson loved the Lego set that I bought him for Christmas. Unfortunately, grandma and grandpa brought him the same set a couple of hours later; I gave him the option (which he took) of my taking it back and ordering him another set. This was done in consultation with his father (who is more obsessed with Lego than any adult I have ever met), so this time it should work out. I find it hilarious that when you return an item on Amazon (Canada) they ask you why you are returning it. Some of the options require you to pay return shipping costs, others do not. If you select an option that requires it, you can go back and select another. Also, I found it weird that they offer you the option to exchange, but the exchange items are from a limited list… none of which had anything to do with the original gift. No matter, the return is in progress, and the new kit will be delivered to Douglas at his home on Thursday.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 337

    I cheated yesterday. Sorry, not sorry.

    It started after my doctor’s appointment. I went shopping and I decided, in addition to my regular chicken, that I would also buy a couple of packages of meatless hamburgers with the wonderful, seeded buns that Leslie and I discovered. By the time I came home, I was extremely hungry – I had eaten my morning meal replacement quite early, and due to several delays, it was way past lunchtime. I prepared one of the buns and two of the burgers. They were delicious! They also did not completely satisfy me, and an hour later I decided to prepare a piece of chicken with salad. With that, I was good… and would have been sated for the evening, had my ex-wife not told me (at 3:00pm) that I was invited to join her and our son for dinner that evening. I had a salad, but it was still a cheat meal.

    I took my first Adderall yesterday after shopping. Since my appointment with the therapist last week, I have been thinking about all of the issues that I have, many of which affect not only me but others around me, that can be attributed to ADHD, and I have been anxiously and eagerly waiting to see my doctor so that I could get a prescription. My doctor is extremely cautious, and insists we start with a low dose. I am hoping that in the next few days I will see tremendous improvements in my focus.

    It was wonderful to see my son (the younger) and to light the candles with him. I felt so bad that I forgot the presents that I bought for him at home (along with the Channukah gelt), but that will only give me another opportunity to see him in the next few days… after the storm. Yes, we are expecting a storm that should begin this evening with rain; as the temperatures drop, the rain will transition to snow. Anyone who has lived in Canada will realize that a bad storm that starts as rain and turns to snow means that the rain that has already fallen turns to ice and makes for extremely dangerous winter conditions. The walking will be bad, but the driving will be terrible and dangerous. The prescribed advice by Environment Canada (as well as basic common sense) is to stay home. The rain is set to start in the evening, so any errands that might be needed should be done earlier in the day. I went shopping yesterday, so there is not a lot that I need… but I will go to Fortino’s to pick up challah rolls for tomorrow’s Shabbat prayers. After that? The only time I need to go outside is to walk Her Royal Floofness; she is quite unimpressed by stormy weather, whether that be a little rain or a giant winter vortex. She will step outside briefly to do her business, but she will be back inside before my step counter reaches 200.

    My only obligation today is a meeting with a company I plan to do some training for in the new year. That consists of familiarizing myself with their LMS (Learning Management System) environment, and then a quick orientation meeting to welcome me to the team. I know… dress professional, speak professional, take attendance, look good so we look good. I am happy to comply! After that, I will head to the store for what little provisions I need. After that? Knowing the storm is coming, I might sit outside under the heater (the calm before the storm) and enjoy a cigar. We’ll see.

    Leslie asked me yesterday afternoon if I was feeling a sudden laser-focus after taking my first meds, and I did not. Truth be told, I was thinking from beginning that the first indicator that I was experiencing any benefits from the medications would be the level of distraction writing this journal entry. So often these last few months I have taken over an hour to write, not because I am slow, but because I am easily distracted. Whether it be email or Facebook or whatever, on days when I do not have appointments it is not uncommon for me to start writing at 9:00am and finish a thousand-word entry three hours later. While I did get pulled away briefly (the training company sent me an email asking for some information), I still think I have gotten through this entry with more focus than usual. I started at 9:10am; it is now 9:40am, and I am ready to wrap it up. Is this because of the meds, or is it because I said to myself that this is what I needed to do in order to show measurable progress? I do not know… but it is one of those, and I suppose that my wanting to show progress and thus making progress is in and of itself progress. To quote an old adage: Fake it until you make it!

    The numbers on the scale this morning were exactly where I expected they would be, knowing how badly I veered from the program yesterday. Today I will do better, and tomorrow’s numbers will reflect that.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 317

    Some things are just too ridiculous to be made up. There is a lettuce shortage in Canada. Yes, there is an actual run on lettuce. It seems that much of Canada’s lettuce comes from farms in California that have of late been affected by a bug of some sort that has damaged or destroyed most of the crops. This is why I have been paying Five Dollars for a head of romaine these last few weeks.

    The run on lettuce has, until yesterday, been a minor financial inconvenience. My son the younger and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner, where he ordered his usual… ten pieces of boneless wings with barbecue sauce, and a plate of fried mozzarella sticks. I also ordered my usual: a crispy chicken salad with no cheese or bacon. All is well, right? All was well until the waiter returned to the table several minutes later to inform me that because of the lettuce shortage, the restaurant cannot currently serve salads, and would I like to order something else? Knowing that every other item on their menu would be completely incompatible with my eating program – and really any weight loss program – I decided to decline, eating my son’s celery and carrots (which he never eats), and waited until I got home to prepare my normal chicken dinner and salad (I am not hoarding lettuce, but I do have most of a head of romaine in the fridge).

    I know what you are thinking. You know that my main meal is usually enjoyed at lunch, to maximize the digestion time between eating and going to sleep. Well, things did not go completely as planned yesterday, so I did not expect to lose any weight on my bathroom scale this morning. The 3.6 lbs. drop was a real shock, but a welcome one. I am still above 305 lbs., but I am still within reach of my goal to lose one hundred pounds in 2022. I have twenty-nine days to lose just over ten pounds. That is realistic… if I stick to my program.

    My plans for today are, once again, to watch World Cup football with Eduardo. I will leave there after the second match, which should be around 4:00pm. I will stop at Fortino’s to pick up my challah, and I will call my beautiful wife to light the candles and to say the Sabbath prayers. If there is one thing I need today it is peace in my heart and in my soul. The blessings of the Sabbath do bring me a modicum of peace, and I desperately need that. I need other things too, but that is another story. I am reaching out for those things as well, and hope that I can get what I need.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 304

    Yesterday was a very divided day. It was always going to end wonderfully, as I picked Leslie up from the airport. It is so wonderful having her back in the Rectangle-Free Zone! Her plane landed early, and she was in my arms by 11:00pm. That is where she belongs!

    Unfortunately I got some bad news yesterday midday. My ex-wife called me and told me that our son the elder had a seizure and was in the hospital. We still have no word on why, but we are praying for the best. The fact that I was able to deliver the remainder of my class in a semi-competent and coherent manner speaks to… something, I don’t know what. I will say that it was exhausting, trying to stay focused on IT security while my mind was entirely elsewhere. Hopefully my students were satisfied by the delivery, but I know I could have done a better job.

    After class, I waited for Leslie to get to the airport in Dallas, and we lit the candles and said the prayers over WhatsApp. I hoped that they would bring me calmness but was obviously praying for my son. I think I was crying as I read the benedictions that I have recited thousands of times without a thought. When it was over, I devoured the challah with peanut butter. That, and a couple of biscotti-thins at Eduardo’s later in the evening, accounted for the sum total of my cheating… and must be the reason I once again gained nearly a pound this morning.

    I am wondering if my knee inflammation – which is huge, and excruciating – might have something to do with my weight gain this week. Yes, it is preventing me from exercising… but it is also extremely inflamed. I do not know how that works and am going to assume it is not, but it might be partially to blame. Who knows? Not I.

    Once again, the pain disturbed my sleep last night – worse than ever. I decided yesterday morning to wear a knee brace for a couple of hours to see if it helped. I know from past experience that wearing one all day increases the pain. By the time I removed it midnight was in the rear-view mirror, and there was no comfortable way to lie down. I did fall asleep for a couple of hours, but once I got up to pee, there was no position that worked. I finally got out of bed, knowing that sitting up is less painful than lying down. This is something else I do not understand. I sat at the kitchen table for an hour before realizing I have a perfectly good couch, and I did manage to get another 30-40 minutes of sleep before having to wake up to pick up my son the younger.

    Theresa called me when she got home from the hospital last night and asked me to pick him up at 7:30am so she could return. The original plan was for Leslie and I to pick him up and take him for breakfast. When I came in from walking Her Royal Floofness, Theresa called and told me he had not slept well and wanted to come to my apartment to sleep. That is exactly what happened, and he is fast asleep in my bed. The Princess goes into the room every few minutes to see that he is okay, but he has not moved in over an hour. I do not know how long he will sleep, but Leslie and I are content to be together and keep our voices down. We never had plans to go out today (we might have, but nothing was planned), and neither of us takes issue with a quiet and lazy day at home… especially knowing it is Holy Crap Degrees Below Zero outside. To wit, when I came in from the walk with HRF, I touched her face to kiss her with a hand that was never out of my leather glove, and she freaked out from how cold it was. Yes ladies and gentlemen, winter has arrived in Southern Ontario.

    When my son wakes up I assume he will be hungry, and we will all go out for lunch. We will let him decide where, but I am not driving to Buffalo Wild Wings… he can pick any restaurant he wants, as long as it is in Burlington. As it happens, if he was not here today, I would likely be sitting in the waiting room of the walk-in clinic, because after last night it is now clear to me that I need to have a doctor look at my knee. Spending an hour with my foot on the gas pedal is not going to happen. Wherever he decides to eat, I will be good. I want my weight to be slightly lower tomorrow morning, and not slightly higher.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 279

    I guess it was going to happen. After my vaccine, I found I was ravenous. I had crackers (the last of them) and pop chips (the last of them) but that was not enough. I was going to make myself a proper chicken meal, but I realized I had frozen all of my chicken. The large pack would not fit in the microwave to defrost, so I put it in the fridge to start on today and defrosted a steak. I could have kept eating but thank G-d I pulled myself away from the table and grabbed a cigar. The result? A 2.4lbs spike on the scale this morning. I stayed below that 310lbs milestone, but not by even half a pound.

    I will do better today, and the weather is helping. To look outside, that might sound strange… It is a typical autumn day, but with heavy fog that is supposed to lift in the afternoon. I have a haircut booked for this morning, and Lyle was going to meet me there after I was done so that we could smoke a cigar, and then have lunch next door at Son of a Peach, a very good pizzeria. Instead, we are going to meet at his house at 2:00pm… after the fog lifts, but also after I have had my lunch, which will be what I am allowed to eat on my program. We will enjoy our cigars on his patio, and I will not be having a second consecutive cheat day.

    Yes, I overdid my cheat yesterday, and I paid for it dearly. I suspect though that a lot of the 2.4lbs that I put on overnight is from the salt and water retention, which means that if I am good today, I should have a significant drop on the scale tomorrow morning. Either way, if that is the only ill-effect of the vaccine (well, and the injection point achiness) then I’ll take it and run. I did think I was getting the flu shot as well, but the technician at the pharmacy did not know anything about that, so I let it go… and called my doctor to make sure I could get it on my next visit, two weeks hence.

    My ex-wife texted me this morning to tell me she was in the hospital, having had an emergency appendectomy last night. She assured me that our son the elder and her partner are taking care of our son the younger. I told her that if she keeps it up, she will surpass me in the number of scars. Hopefully I will not be much competition going forward, knowing that the last of my scars is over twenty years old.

    Okay, it is time to head out to the barber. This afternoon I will be heading to Hamilton, but not before I come home for lunch… and Princess Sophie is explicitly invited to smoke with us, so I will be collecting her as well.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 270

    I am sitting at the airport, drinking a cup of coffee, waiting to board my flight to Canada. It is getting harder and harder to say that I am going home, when my wife drops me off at the airport, and I am leaving her… She is my home. I know that until the US State Department says I can, I cannot really call Dallas home. That does not change where my heart lies… it is here, with my beautiful wife. I should be going to bed with her, waking up with her, eating with her… every day. We should be getting into each other’s way and getting annoyed and making up. We should be able to look at each other across the room… we should be able to touch each other. We should be able to do all of this without smartphones. When will that be? I think the best optimistic guess is that the coming winter might be my last one in Canada… but there is a good chance that this one will not be my last autumn in the country of my birth.

    I know what you are probably thinking. You have to ask, ‘Mitch, how can you be looking forward to living far from your children?’ The simple answer is that they live with their mother, and I get to see my son the younger for a few hours every couple of weeks, and my son the elder… at his whim and convenience. It was hard to live so far from them during Covid, when I was living in California and not able to visit Canada. It was hard, but I endured. They can come to visit anytime they want, and I will be able to come to see them as well… and I will, on a fairly regular basis. I will be able to chat with them and keep up with them every week, but that is again at their whim… which seems to not be very often. My wife, on the other hand, wants to be with me… and if I talk to my kids and don’t hug them it is hard, but to not be able to touch to hold to kiss my wife is not what either of us signed up for.

    My weight bumped up this morning, but only by .2lbs… what pollsters would refer to as within the margin of error. I was good yesterday, save for dinner – and a late dinner at that. We went for sushi, which meant a lot of rice. I also had mochi ice cream for dessert, which I know I should not have done. The fact that my weight essentially stayed the same is not really a surprise. Today is a travel day, so I might eat properly all day and still gain two pounds tomorrow… or eat like a chazer and lose a pound. I am going to do my best to eat properly, and whatever the scale says tomorrow morning I will take with a grain of salt.

    My son the elder is picking me up from the airport, and it will be great to see him. I am sure he will ask, and I will gladly pay for his gas. I will pay him what I would pay for an Uber, and I will get to spend some time with my son. Depending on the timing, I might ask him to take me to the store to buy food for dinner, but that is a big if. We will see how it goes. I am scheduled to land at 4:30pm, which means that between Customs and Immigration and waiting on my suitcase, I can optimistically hope to be in his car by 6:00pm, and home at 6:45pm. If we stop along the way, then we add 15 minutes to that. If we do not, then I still have to go shopping, as I have been gone nearly a month, and have nothing to eat in the house.

    I did do something smart when packing my kit this time. I have two meal replacement bars that I will have access to in my carry-on bag. Actually, I have several dozen of them, if we count both bags… but two is the maximum that I will need. That means that I will not need to ask for the extra cookies when the flight attendant comes around. The plane will board in 45 minutes, and I expect that I should be okay until then. I might have a meal replacement at the beginning of the flight, and another at the end… but that should tide me over. If all goes well, dinner will be late, but it will be my regular homemade chicken with a side salad.

    I am working this week! I have a week-long class that I am delivering, which I did not expect… and which will provide much needed income. I do not mean to say that I am going broke, but I am glad to be earning money. I also have a contract that starts in December, for a training centre that I worked with over the summer. It is always a good sign when companies ask for me by name. I love knowing that they were happy enough with my delivery the last time to ask me back. There are far too many trainers out there who can deliver the courses that I do, and I know that a lot of them will work for a lot less money than I do. The only way to keep working is to keep reminding them that I really am pretty good at what I do.

    Leslie laughed at me last night as I was packing. I came down to Dallas nearly a month ago, with a suitcase that was overflowing with groceries – treats for Leslie and her son. Between that, and the clothes that I planned to leave at her house (the summer is over, and I doubt there will be many days in mid-October when I can comfortably wear shorts in Canada), I expected to leave Dallas with a half-empty suitcase. What I neglected to consider was that I was bringing home a lot of meal replacements (which take up a lot more room in my suitcase than you might think), two boxes and two bags of cigars, my sports jacket and shirts and pants (which I am hoping will not fit my lithe frame by my next visit in January), and a bunch of other stuff that I picked up… both here and in California. Had I been flying back to Canada with the same luggage that I came with, I would have been overstuffed, and would have had to borrow a suitcase from Leslie. Fortunately, I had loaned her my large carry-on bag a few months ago, which needed to be fixed (which I took care of at the beginning of this trip, and which was now ready to fly). It is full, nearly completely with meal replacements. To quote the Bard: all’s well that ends well.

    While I do not enjoy it, I am always less stressed leaving the USA than entering it. The USA might one day refuse me entry. The worst that Canada can do is charge me duties for whatever I bring back, and I do not think I have anything to interest them – I am ten cigars over my limit, and they are not expensive cigars. Even so, it is always a relief to get through airport security without secondary screening. To be sitting in the terminal, even when I have a long wait, is a lot less stressful when I know I am going back to the country of my birth.

    It was raining this morning in Dallas. Yesterday was gorgeous and hot, but it is also the last such day I will experience until… well, I don’t know when. It is easy to think that Texas is warm or hot all year round, but I know that is not the case. The ten-day forecast for Burlington, Ontario shows two days with high temperatures at or over 65° Fahrenheit, with four days at or below 50° Fahrenheit. It will only be getting cooler and then colder. I am not sure what walking is going to be like this week, but it is almost time for me to join a gym if I plan to keep my exercise routine going… and I do!

    It is almost time to board, so I am going to walk over to the gate. Have a great day folks!