Losing a part of me

Category: Food

  • Day 154

    I did not sleep well last night, and so after I had breakfast, I went back to sleep. I got up and showered, and while I am staying awake, I am wondering if I will ever regain my energy levels. It is seldom that I am this tired for having done nothing.

    My weight this morning was excellent… I dropped to my lowest weight of the year. I did not trust it, so I got onto the scale again, and sure enough… same number. Yay.

    For lunch today we had the rest of the chicken soup with matza ball, and we each had half a deli sandwich. They were wonderful… but I will not be rushing to pick up more of them. We may assume that I have been losing weight in part due to my illness, and the fact that I am eating smaller portions because of it. Even eating the terribly unhealthy sandwich, as I am only eating half of it, is not terribly bad. When I am healthy, I would be devouring the entire sandwich. Bad idea.

    There is another school of thought to consider. While I am eating with Leslie, I am moderating my portions. While I should be doing that even when I am not with her, having her with me forces it. Before anyone asks no, Leslie is not forcing me or guilting me into smaller portions. I know that the smaller portions are what I should be eating, and so I am trying to eat that while I am with her. Maybe being with Leslie is not only good for my soul, but is also good for weight loss?

    I have not had a cigar since Saturday. I am thinking I might try to have one today, but I will see. I will not be pulling out a very good cigar, rather I would smoke something that is less expensive, just to see if I can taste it properly, and if my lungs are okay with it.

    Speaking of that, I am disappointed that I did not lose my sense of taste. Leslie did, and that is a very common symptom of Covid. I would have been happy to lose it… it is easier to lose weight when you do not get any pleasure out of food!

    This evening I am going to prepare breaded chicken breasts with a salad. Tomorrow I will have to do some shopping, as we will be out of a few of the vegetables. For today, we have everything we need.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 153

    I have posted on my blog these last few days, but I have not written in my journal. Why? Here’s what has been going on.

    Friday, I thought I was just exhausted because of the release of anxiety from being allowed back into the United States. I also felt I was catching a cold, which at the time I attributed to sleeping with the ceiling fan on high. Leslie and I went to get our marriage license, and we went shopping for a few things. I am honestly having trouble remembering some of the things that we have done… reasons to follow. Because Leslie is not a coffee drinker, we decided that we would stop at Starbucks on the way to get our license. They did not have the usual low fat turkey sausage sandwich I would usually order, so I decided to try the Impossible sausage something or other. It was very tasty! We came home for lunch – Leslie steamed dim sum for us, which was really tasty! For dinner, Leslie had marinated chicken, and I made roasted veggies. Afterward we went down and sat by the pool with a cigar. It was lovely.

    Saturday morning, I made us an omelet (which turned into a scramble). We made a valiant effort at making coffee in a device she had, but that failed… we decided to buy a French press coffee maker during the day. We went to a mall after breakfast, where I was able to buy Leslie something cute. After that, we found a good shawarma restaurant for lunch which was very tasty. For dinner we went out for pho, which was quite good as well.

    Sunday was Father’s Day, which is still hard for both of us. We both lost our fathers in the past few years, and we miss them. In the morning we went to a Guatemalan restaurant that her father introduced her to. By the time we sat down to eat it was more like brunch, so we did not eat again throughout the day until dinner. I made a breaded salmon with grilled vegetables for dinner which was quite tasty. We spent the afternoon in the pool, relaxing. It was when we returned to the apartment after dinner, both of us extremely sick and run down, that we decided that she should take a Covid-19 test. She failed, which is to say that we are both suffering the effects of Covid. Not fun, but at least it explains why neither of us was in very good spirits or was very energetic these last few days.

    We spent Monday chiefly in bed. We ventured out only to get the necessary supplies – that is, we found a Jewish delicatessen that makes chicken soup with matzah balls and kreplach, which we took to go (along with a couple of nice deli sandwiches). Leslie called in sick (and considering that her team had an in-person lunch meeting, everyone will agree this was a good decision), and we did little other than resting. For dinner, we polished off the rest of the soup, as well as the sandwiches (they were large sandwiches, so we only had half of them for lunch). Additionally, Leslie did her best to finish her leftover shawarma.

    Tuesday (today) Leslie decided to work… mostly because she had no customer calls, so she could log on and do research without actually speaking with anyone. We went back to the deli for more soup, and for dinner I made chicken and salad. While she is still feeling like crud, I can tell that Leslie is on the mend, comparing her ability to sit upright today to yesterday. I am really getting better, although that is not to say that I want to go for a run yet.

    I was very excited to see that my weight is where it was Thursday morning. I say that because Friday through Sunday it was up about five pounds, which I initially attributed to the travel (which always adds some weight), but also to the delicious tacos we enjoyed when I arrived. I do not know that I did anything special then through now to lose the weight – I have certainly not been exercising, but at least my portions are much smaller than they usually are. I hope I can continue with that going forward… large portions equals slow or no weight loss.

    Have a great evening folks!

  • Day 151

    Father’s Day. My kids called, but did not have much to say. Leslie took me for a very special breakfast to a restaurant that her father introduced her to in Guatemala. We both miss our dads terribly and both of us have shed tears today.

    We are both sick. I must have caught a bug on the airplane. Leslie and I have terrible colds and hope to be better by tomorrow.

    I made fish for dinner with a nice salad. Yum!

  • Day 150

    Hopefully we have the coffee situation sorted for tomorrow. I made us an omelet, which turned into a scramble. Yum! We had shawarma for lunch, no carbs. So far I think today is going well.

  • Day 149

    Leslie and I are officially licensed to get married. Unfortunately Monday is a federal holiday, so we have to try to do it Tuesday. Good things come to those who wait!

    For breakfast I had an impossible sausage sandwich from Starbucks, and lunch was dim sum (all chicken). So tasty!!

  • Day 148

    It is 1:00am Thursday morning, and I am too wired to sleep.

    After two hours of Taekwondo on Tuesday, I golfed eighteen holes on Wednesday. I am definitely feeling it, but not in a bad way. That is not why I am not sleeping.

    I only ate one proper meal Wednesday, a nice piece of salmon with roasted vegetables. In addition to that, I had a meal replacement in the morning, and some peanuts and some almonds in the afternoon. I spent most of the evening on the balcony alone smoking cigars. Why? Because Leslie is with her son, so she couldn’t talk… and I dropped Princess Sophie off with the dog sitter earlier in the evening. The apartment is very quiet and lonely without either of them.

    I did my laundry and most of my packing… my sundries will go into the suitcase in the morning, and I will pack up my computer as well. Around 1pm my son the elder is coming to drive me to the airport, and then I will find out if everything is okay. I am crossing my fingers, even though I know everything will be fine.

    I tried to check in for my flight, but American Airlines will not let you check in without proof of vaccination (which I have) being uploaded to their Verifly app… which does not seem to support my flight (or possibly my Canadian residence). I printed out the form, and will be at the airport very early… so that shouldn’t be an issue.

    In the meantime, I am still too wired to sleep.

  • Day 147

    Yesterday morning I watched the video of my Black Belt test on Facebook Memories. It got me excited, reminding me of what I used to be able to do. I decided to do something about it. I reached out to one of the guys I used to train with – one of the guys I sparred with in that test. He now owns a Taekwondo school less than five kilometres from my apartment. We chatted for a couple of minutes, and it was decided. For the first time in two years (since pre-Covid, really), I attended my first Taekwondo classes. I participated first in the Senior Belt Class, and then in the Adults (All Levels) Class. It was amazing to get back into it. The instructor is a man who holds the same rank as I do, but who I remember teaching as a Colour Belt, so many years ago. I was introduced to both classes as an old friend, and it was wonderful to participate again.

    After the class, I sat with Master Brunet and we discussed old times, and we discussed my situation with geography. He told me that as long as I was living in Burlington, I am welcome to attend and participate. He appreciated that I was able to take aside some of his students and show them how to improve upon their form. Every martial arts student has something to improve upon, and when an outside elder like myself (yes, it seems I am now an elder) points things out and does not just say ‘You are doing it wrong!’ but rather ‘Try this, and you will make it better!’ they can improve tremendously.

    I see in my near future a few new articles on martial arts.

    With the exception of peanuts, I was good yesterday. I also had a great workout in the evening. The result is I am down on the bathroom scale, which is where I want to be.

    I have a tee time scheduled at a local golf course shortly. It is a course I have not played before… or maybe I played it once more than a decade ago with a colleague. I am not sure, but if it has been that long, it will be as if I have never played there. I am looking forward to my fourth round of golf of the year, and only hope that the weather holds. There is a 50% chance of rain and possible thunderstorms for a couple of hours. I am hoping that it bypasses us, but we’ll see. Either way, I am heading there now.

    I have defrosted a piece of salmon for dinner this evening. I’ll steam some vegetables to go with it and should have a nice meal. Today will be the last full day of my diet for the next week, as I am flying to Dallas tomorrow to see my baby! I will still be mindful of my intake, and will continue writing every day to keep accountable.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 143

    I was convinced that today’s weight would be bad. I cheated yesterday with peanuts (although a reasonable amount), and some very dark chocolate, which has been in the house for months. With that said, I did not have my evening meal replacement, so it must have balanced out. I lost 1.6 lbs from yesterday. Remember yesterday? When I complained that what weight was gained in a day might take a week to lose? Well, I am happy to be redeemed on that front. I will cross my fingers that I stay on track.

    Yesterday morning I booked my Covid-19 test for my flight to see Leslie. An hour later, the USA announced that they would no longer require pre-departure testing effective Sunday, which means that I will not need the test. I am hoping that I will receive my refund (which, after a lot of searching, I discovered how to request). If I do not, I will still save the two hours that would have been required to sit in traffic getting there Wednesday afternoon. Yay.

    After a reasonable lunch, I am planning to head to see Ryan and enjoy a cigar or two. With gas prices being what they are, I might not have rushed to drive out there… but I left my hat there, and I definitely want to take it with me to Dallas, and so I have to pick it up. Princess Sophie likes the people out there as well, so it will be a nice change from sitting on my own patio smoking cigars.

    Before that, however, I will have to go do some shopping. I am completely out of every vegetable save onions and carrots, and if I want a salad with lunch, I gotta head to the supermarket. If my back was not bothering me, I might consider walking. As it is, no… my back has been tight for weeks now, and Leslie has been urging me to get a massage. I finally booked one, but it is for Monday. At least it will be in time for my flight!

    I am thinking that I might do something different with my chicken than I usually do. So often I simply spice it before throwing it into the air fryer. Today I might add the mango lime salsa to it, just to shake it up a bit. Yesterday I almost added salsa to my salmon, but instead I opted to prepare my Buffalo sauce. It is tasty and not terribly unhealthy, but it does have a lot of sugar in it. Other than that, I would be making Buffalo chicken for sure!

    I had a great chat with Leslie yesterday evening, and I did not want it to end. It is hard to believe that in five and a half days, we will be together again. It feels like forever, but it will pass and Thursday evening we will be together!

    The weather is currently gorgeous and sunny, but by 2pm there is an 80% chance of rain. Okay, I suppose the farmers need it. As I am not a farmer, I suppose it is just one more thing I’ll have to deal with. Dress appropriate and don’t roll the windows down in the car!

    Have a great day folks. I’m off to the supermarket.

  • Kindly Shut Up!

    I mentioned earlier that I was at a friend’s birthday party over the weekend, and it was a lovely day… that was marred by my friend trying to get me to eat something that I should not eat. In this particular case, he was telling me how good the blood sausage was. I told him that as a practicing Jew, I cannot eat it because it is not kosher. My friend, who was born Jewish but has never practiced the religion, told me something like ‘I know… but today it’s okay to eat it.’ I was truly offended. My friend knew me before I started observing many of the dietary laws of my faith, so I suppose he knows that I would like it.

    It is amazing that thirty-three years after I graduated high school, I am still subject to peer pressure… and this, from an 82-year-old man.

    My relationship with G-d is nobody else’s business, and it is my responsibility alone to eat or to not eat in accordance with my faith. My friend did not hold me down and force non-kosher food into my mouth. I had to make the decision on my own… and I made the correct decision.

    Where I made the wrong decision was when the deserts came out, and I was handed a piece of birthday cake. Again, as someone on a diet, it is up to me to eat or to not eat what I should or should not be eating.

    Where that argument starts to weaken is when people try to tell you ‘Oh, you can diet tomorrow!’ or ‘Just take a break… one piece of cake won’t kill you!’ The (ironically phrased) icing on the cake is ‘Oh you are doing so well! Just have this, it is so good!’

    Let’s put this into context by replacing some of the words:

    ‘Mitch, you are a heroin addict, but you have done so well kicking the habit… one shot won’t kill you!? Just have this, it is so good!’

    Do you see where I am going with this? Food is an addiction and getting off the foods that are so terrible for us – and not just for a day, but for the long term – is extremely difficult, and requires a discipline that many people just do not have. I have been overweight for nearly as long as I have been out of the Army and kicking those terrible habits that I learned for so many years (from people who I thought loved me) is the hardest thing I have ever done. How hard? I have done it twice… and each time I ended up back where I was and am not on my third attempt.

    What is worse is that so many of the people who encourage you to take a day off from your diet are the same ones who told you that you needed to lose weight (or more often made fun of you behind your back). They are often the same people who tell you how great you are looking, and that you should keep it up. They are too often the people who claim to be your greatest advocates for success.

    By the way, some of these people are not actually trying to sabotage your diet… although that is exactly the result. Many of them think that after so many weeks or months of work that you actually deserve that piece of cake, bowl of ice cream, whatever. They do not know what temptations you were exposed to or succumbed to yesterday because they were not there. They do not know what will happen tomorrow because they will not be there. They assume that you can be on a diet 100% of the time… when you are not with them, but when you are with them you should enjoy the same foods that caused you to need to diet in the first place.

    In the end I did not touch the blood sausage, and my religious dietary discipline was maintained. However, the negative advice from my friend consumed my mind, and when it came time for birthday cake, I was not paying attention to the fact that I was doing so well on my diet; I ate the cake and a couple of pastries. While I am always responsible for what I put into my mouth, I was driven to distraction by the negative encouragement. Yes, it is on me… but my friend can claim an assist.

    Let me be clear, and this applies to both religion and to weight management: You can either be my advocate and ally one hundred percent of the time, or you can kindly shut up and keep your critiques and opinions to yourself. Do you remember how well you said I was doing? I did all of that without your advice and I am certainly not going to follow any advice to stop doing well. Some would say that your negative encouragement is counter intuitive. I say it is stupid and offensive, and I don’t want to hear it. Take your ‘advice’ to cheat just this once and shove it up your ass.

  • Day 138

    I fell off the wagon yesterday… hard. Eduardo’s birthday barbecue was a great family affair, and I saw a lot of people I have not seen in years. My friend – and he truly is a friend – tried to convince me to eat blood sausage, which is not kosher for many reasons. It stuck in my craw that my friend who was born Jewish and who at the age of 76 I helped to get bar mitzvah’d would try to get me to eat that. I told him ‘Sorry, I can’t eat that.’ He replied, ‘No of course not… but today you can!’ I was truly hurt. I know he did not mean to hurt me, but that did not change the fact that I spent so much time on it. I focused on that, instead of eating properly. I had some cheese, which I doubt will do me much harm. After a reasonable wait, I had chicken and salad for lunch, which is not harmful. Then the birthday cake was served, and I fell right off. Not only did I have a piece of red velvet cake, I also had a couple of treats from the pastry tray.

    For dinner I had a piece of salmon with a side salad, and a huge helping of guilt. I then had four pieces of dried mango, which I wish I had not found the other day. At least I did not have a meal replacement in the evening on top of that.

    The bathroom scale scolded me gently this morning. I truly thought it would be worse, but I was only up .4 lbs. I was going to say that I hope and pray that I can stay on track today… but hope is not a strategy. I know that I have to go grocery shopping today – I am nearly out of milk, and I have only one head of lettuce left. I know I have enough chicken and fish for a while, as well as canned salmon and canned tuna. That means my trip to the supermarket can be reasonably brief. I am out of pumpkin seeds, so I will go to Bulk Barn… but I will not be buying any peanuts. What I might buy is the chocolate covered marshmallows that both Leslie and her son love. While he is already really excited to meet me, I told Leslie yesterday that I have no qualms about bribing him and buying his affection.

    I have taken chicken out of the fridge to defrost, and I will try to be as true to my plan as possible today. I feel terrible about how I fell off the wagon yesterday, and I need to get back on track. If I don’t… well, then I will always be a fat fuck.

    I have a few errands to do today, some of which are online, others I have to go out. Other than that, I plan to relax. My foot is bothering me, but it is not a gout issue – I think I had something stuck in my shoe between my foot and the heel, and there is a bit of a bruise there. I’ll wait a day or two before venturing out to exercise.

    Have a great day folks!