Losing a part of me

Category: Food

  • Day 953

    I woke up this morning and went about my routine, thinking all the while that today was Thursday. It was only when I logged onto Facebook and saw a call in one of my groups for a Free-for-all-Friday that I realized… Yes indeed, the long weekend is upon us.

    After the tremendous drop yesterday morning I did not expect great things today, but I was quite pleasantly surprised to see another drop of 1.2 lbs., bringing me below the 285 mark! If I can keep it up, then I will almost certainly be able to achieve that first short-term goal… that of weighing less than I did when Leslie was here for her last visit. I am one pound from my best weight from her last trip; unless I fall off the wagon hard then I will surpass that with room to spare.

    My bowels are still not cooperating with me. I have been adding fibre to my meal replacements, but I wonder if I should be adding more. I am worried that too much will mess with my innards like they did in June. With that thought in mind, I think I will simply stay the course.

    It is another beautiful day in Burlington. I am going to chat with my wife for a bit, and I am going to go out for a long walk. I have to remember to stretch before I begin so that I do not strain my back as I did last week. I have a couple of things I would like to get done, but nothing urgent… except staying on track with my weight loss. My friend who dragged me to the pub the other night is coming over later today to play some backgammon, which is still my favourite board game. Yay!

    Since today is Friday, I might be tempted to pick up a challah for Shabbat. I will not do that. I have been tempted these last few days, but the only real aberration to my progress was the pub meal I had with my friend the other night, and while she is coming over again this afternoon, I will not be tempted to eat like that again. If we do go out for dinner again, I will stick to a salad.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 949

    Yesterday went from good to bad in a hurry when a very close friend called me to tell me about something that is going on in his life. I will not go into details but he is close enough that his pain hurts me. I ended up eating more than I should have… but only by a couple of peaches – the last of the bag that I bought on the farm on Friday. It also stopped me getting out to exercise… but only partly. My back and leg and foot pains were also contributory factors. The leg pains are not related to the knee pains I was experiencing; they are clearly muscular and caused by extreme exertion, and my foot pain was caused by a blistered heel. I should be good to go again today… as long as I put something on my heel before I head out.

    My weight was up marginally this morning, almost certainly thanks to the peaches I ate last night. As much as I love them, I am glad that I have no more left. I was hoping that by this morning my weight would be down enough to check off another line on my chart. That will now have to wait at least one day more… probably two.

    It is a beautiful day in Burlington. I have a few things to do this morning (not the least of which is talking with my wife), but hopefully this afternoon I’ll be able to get out for a walk.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 948

    I was saying to Leslie last night that considering my intake and exercise of the day I would not be surprised if I would have lost over a pound from yesterday to today. Not quite… but I did drop nearly one pound. It was not enough to allow me to cross off another number on my fridge chart, but down is better than up. The fact that my weight was down despite not moving my bowels is a good sign.

    I suspect it is a combination of several factors that led to my back aching and spasming this morning, including not stretching before exercising (with excessive weight), a lot of time in a chair that might be comfortable but is not sitting right, and a bad sleeping position. I ended up taking a couple of Aspirin when I realized how much pain the occasional spasms caused. My first instinct was to say to myself that I would not be exercising today. I then realized that I can go out, I should just stretch before I start… and maybe curb the distance somewhat. We’ll see.

    It is another beautiful day out, and I will spend much of my time outside. I will likely at long last try the konjac noodles that I bought over six months ago on advice of my diet buddy. They have zero carbs and are fat free. My diet buddy told me that they are a great pasta replacement and seeing as I have all sorts of pasta sauces in the house I might as well try them.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 937

    I was weak last evening. I felt weak, and I gave in to a little temptation. I did not go overboard, but I did break from the program; I made myself a small (2-egg) omelette, and then I ate a protein bar (which is equivalent to drinking an extra meal replacement). I told my wife about the omelette but I think that by the time we spoke, I had forgotten about the protein bar. It was not meant to be dishonest. In any event, I was worried that I would gain weight from these. Fortunately, I did not. Indeed, my weight dropped again this morning. According to the bathroom scale, I dropped another 1.2 lbs., which brings me below the 295 mark for the first time since July 30. I have to keep going though… two days of progress does not a success make. 

    I told Leslie last night that my next goal is to drop to 280 lbs. By the time she visits. That means I have to stay true to the program for the next 3.5 weeks. It means that I am going to have to decline a number of social invitations over the weekend which will be sad, but necessary. I want to get back on track, and the last few weeks have proven to me that I cannot do that if I am going to make an exception for every occasion. 

    We also discussed my failure to maintain a reasonable weight. I have not even been able to type into this journal that horrible number that my weight exceeded four times over the past few weeks. I must be strong and get back on track, which means getting my weight as far below that number as I can. I know that she will love me whatever my weight, but it is not so easy to love myself when I am that morbidly obese. Without going into detail, there was a marked improvement to certain parts of our relationship as I dropped the weight… and if for no other reason than that, then being back above that number is somewhere I never want to be again! Of course, there are also all of the nice clothes that I have that I want to be able to continue to wear more comfortably, and those that I have that do not currently fit at all. Two of my suits fit and two of my sports jackets fit (but tightly), and the rest do not. As for shirts… I know that some of them are tight, and others are not wearable. I will get back into all of them… and soon. 

    It is a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, but I will be teaching until nearly 5:00pm. No problem… once I am off I will shed my jacket and tie, and I will put on a pair of shorts and a golf shirt. After I have my second meal replacement of the day I will go shopping for coffee and eggs and the vegetables I need for my omelettes, and then I will take Princess Sophie for a nice walk. I will follow that up with a cigar on the balcony. Leslie’s son is coming home to her this afternoon, so I do not know if we will be able to have a video date. If we can, then yay! If not, then I will read. 

    Yesterday after class I took Her Floofness for her walk, and then I took a nap. That allowed me to have a cigar date with my wife in the evening. Monday evening, I was so tired that I could not, and I thought I might be sick until Leslie reminded me that my body was rebelling against the severely reduced caloric intake. I am hoping that either today or tomorrow my body will be in ketosis and that will be behind me. If not, then I will take more naps. I will not sabotage my progress by eating (as I did yesterday). At least when I ate yesterday, was not carbs or starches, so I did mostly stay with the program. Hopefully today I can do better. 

    Can I get down under 290 lbs. By the weekend? That would be great. I will not veer from my program which would sabotage myself. Let’s see if I can do it. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 930

    Thank G-d my weight dropped below that horrible number this morning. I will eat as I did yesterday, which is to say that I will have lunch, and then in the evening I will have a meal replacement.

    My knee is feeling somewhat better than it was a couple of days ago. I am still in pain, but not the debilitating pain that I was in a couple of days ago. I have cut the meds to one pill three times per day instead of two pills. I am also using the Voltaren cream pretty liberally, but not as often as it was. I will ice it this evening as well.

    I am stressed about the class I am delivering tomorrow. I think I am as prepared as I am ever going to be… but I really wish I had not agreed to teach it. My goal for today is to not eat my stress and anxiety.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 926

    I broke two of my own rules this morning. The first: I ate a handful of peanuts before taking Princess Sophie out for her walk. The new anti-inflammatory meds that I am on need to be taken with food because they can cause stomach problems. I had already weighed myself (and was disgusted by the two-pound gain from yesterday), so I decided the benefits outweighed the importance of the rule. The second: I weighed myself again after the walk, despite the peanuts. I had another very good bowel movement after the walk, and I decided that if there might be a little improvement over the disgusting first weight then I would take it. In fact, I had dropped a full pound from the earlier weigh-in, so while I am still up from yesterday, it is not as bad as I feared. It is still disgusting.

    I stuck to the plan yesterday, except for a roll in the evening. Why did I eat a roll at 9:15pm, you may ask? Remember those anti-inflammatory meds I mentioned a minute ago? My stomach was bothering me. It would be difficult to explain just how much pain my knee was in these last three days, and so the meds were necessary. The doctor warned me that there might be more than slight stomach discomfort if I did not take the meds with food. I was not going to risk it. This afternoon I will stop into the supermarket to pick up some celery to eat if I need food late in the evening.

    I took a break from writing and now I am back at the computer, but only to close it up and post it. I’m heading up to Georgetown to see some friends for a couple of hours.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 923

    Yesterday went better than the day before. I went to bed satisfied that I had not strayed too badly on my food. I woke up to see that my weight dropped a little over 1.5 lbs., so while it is still disgustingly high, it is not as bad as it was yesterday. My goal for today is to do a little better than I did yesterday… and keep doing that for the next little while. I only wish my head could be in a better place than it is. I attacked a couple of issues these last couple of days that hopefully will be a step in the right direction.

    A couple of Lodge brothers came over for a cigar last night, and we had a good conversation for several hours. This time was interrupted for a few minutes when a passing dog walker yelled up at us that someone on a scooter had crashed on the sidewalk and was not moving. I ran down and did what I could to help until police and ambulance arrived. I guess there are some instincts that do not change. My first wife used to call me ‘El Justiciero,’ because I would always get involved to try to make things right. She saw it as a flaw. It has been twenty years since she and I were dating, and she coined that nickname… I still do not see it as a negative. If the strong cannot stand up and help the weak then what good is strength?

    It is another beautiful day in Burlington. I have some work to do, but some of it can be done by taking my computer onto the balcony. We’ll see… I might stay at my desk a little longer, and then in the afternoon enjoy a cigar with Leslie.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 910

    I did yesterday what I should be doing every day. I had breakfast and lunch, and then for my dinner I had a meal replacement shake. It may have taken me four hours to fall asleep after getting into bed exhausted, but at no point did I feel hungry. That is a huge victory! It is a much smaller victory that the bathroom scale reflected a drop of 3.2 lbs. from yesterday morning, dropping me below 290 once more. I will not consider any numeric losses to be huge victories until they are in the 250s or lower… and until they stay there.

    As I wrote yesterday, I was off kilter with my meds. I did not take them on Tuesday, and I was not able to pick up my refilled prescription from the pharmacy until later in the day yesterday; rather than wait, I took one of the remaining lower-dose pills that I still had. I think it did me okay, but I was still a bit out of sorts after 9:30pm. This morning, I took my full dosage and am hoping for great things. We’ll see.

    If I can follow the same food intake today as yesterday, then I think I will do okay. That is the plan folks.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 901

    My weight dropped almost half a pound this morning. This despite not having any success on the throne this morning, and after Leslie and I ate a delicious but very large piece of fish with a couple of egg rolls for dinner… at 9:10pm. I have hope that within a day or two I might drop to my pre-Canada Day Fireworks Trauma weight, and a few days later I will get down below 280 lbs. again.

    Today is Leslie’s last full day here, and that makes me sad. I know I have to appreciate what time we do have (and I do), but we really do not have enough of it. One week every couple of months is no way to maintain a healthy relationship. I try to show a brave and strong face for her, but it kills me inside when I have to drop her off at the airport.

    Last week we were at Costco and I saw that they have on sale a Ninja appliance that includes the functionality of my old Ninja blender, plus a food processor and a pitcher, with all of the different blades to make all sorts of goodies… including healthy ones. As I was waiting for a cheque to come in, I decided to hold off. That cheque arrived over the weekend, and so yesterday we went back to Costco to pick it up. We then went to the supermarket to get the necessary ingredients to make our first masterpiece, and when we got home, we did it. Yes, I am now one of those people who buys a fancy kitchen appliance, and the first thing I did with it was make dog-friendly ice cream treats for Princess Sophie. While they are perfectly human-friendly (peanut butter, yogurt, and bananas), I froze them and let Her Floofness know that they are special treats just for her. (I did lick my fingers… yum!)

    I will make lunch for us today, and then for dinner we will go for sushi. That has been the plan since before Leslie even arrived. I was hoping that we could enjoy another bottle of ice wine with our post-dinner cigar, but the Liquor Control Board of Ontario is on strike, so the best we can do is to pick something up from the wine section of the supermarket.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 897

    As I prepared to hit publish on today’s article, I realized that I had completely messed up the numbers. Yesterday, for some reason, I published my three-word article as Day 897, which it was not – that’s today. I did so on my phone, so when I sat at my computer to write today’s article, I opened my Word document and kecked the numbers… instead of Day 896, I typed in Day 869. As I looked at that, I then knew that today was Day 870. No it is not! I corrected both yesterday’s and today’s article, and can now publish the real Day 897. 

    Over the course of the last three days, my weight has dropped 1.4 lbs. Each day. This morning, it was back down to 285 lbs. from a high just a few days ago of 290.2, which is a relief. 

    I had hoped just a couple of weeks ago that by the time Leslie arrived, my weight would be at or even under 270 lbs., but then I fell… hard. If the previous weeks had not been bad enough, the three days of fireworks were a total disaster for me.  

    I have also started to come to terms with just how hard the war in Gaza has hit me. This is a multi-pronged issue, including the fact that I was too old to get called up, the fact that there is nothing I can do to help the hostages who are still being held captive, and the millions of protestors – ranging from useful idiots of Hamas to pure Nazis who hate Jews and hate Israel, but who know it is usually impolitic to express those opinions – who are calling for the annihilation of my country and of my people. It has been killing me, but it was not until Leslie told me that she understands the pain that I am in. Since she got here yesterday afternoon, I have broken down in tears over it a few times… something that I am not comfortable doing in front of anyone else. 

    We went out for breakfast this morning, and then I prepared a late lunch for us… knowing that I am going to be teaching until 9:00pm, which means that we cannot have dinner until then. I do not expect that my weight will be down tomorrow, but then at no point did I expect that I would be losing weight during Leslie’s visit. 

    Tomorrow is my birthday, and some friends are throwing a barbecue party for me, and for the other Mitchell who is a member of our Lodge. It should be fun! I look forward to seeing them all (and the wives and girlfriends), and to introducing Leslie to them. Having learned from the previous barbecue that I attended, I volunteered to bring the hotdogs. That way I know that they are all-beef, and that Leslie and I can eat them. We also bought chips and coleslaw, as well as a new lawn/balcony chair (one of my older ones broke last month). We will bring two chairs with us, knowing that there will be a lot of people coming, and not knowing how many chairs Mitchell and his wife have! 

    Leslie and I had a lovely day together, and while I am now teaching (the students have a lab to do, so I can write as well) until 9:00pm. After that, we will light the candles and say our prayers, and we will enjoy a lovely meal together. 

    Have a great day folks!