Losing a part of me

Category: Food

  • Day 891

    It was a relief to see my weight drop by 1.4 lbs. this morning. I have not been doing very well with my eating, but I did a little bit better yesterday than I have been.

    I was supposed to take my son (the younger) for lunch today, but his mother asked me to change that to tomorrow, which means that tomorrow I will be eating two meals out, as there is a meeting on men’s mental health for a group that one of my Lodge brothers runs, so I promised to be there. I will do my best to stay on track with my eating at both meals. I recall that my last lunch with my sons was doable because of how I ordered, so if he insists on returning to the same restaurant, then I will order the same meal.

    I have had two good trips to the toilet thus far today. I expect that my body is getting back to whatever it feels normal is. I did have a meal replacement shake last night, to which I added a teaspoon of fibre powder. I was quite worried about that, but so far so good.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 886

    I ate another meal yesterday, but I do not think that what I ate warranted another 1.8 lbs. gain. I do, however, suspect that the protein bar that I ate after 9pm tipped that number up a little as well. I am not happy to have regained four pounds over the last three days, but I know that I needed to get beyond the withdrawal symptoms that were sapping me of all strength and energy, and which might even have been doing real damage to my insides. While I would like to get back to only meal replacements, I have my reasons for not doing so. I do not really have time today to write about them. 

    I was so excited to tell my wife yesterday that I had a small but solid bowel movement that the oddness and awkwardness of discussing these things with anyone did not hit me until later. After four days of terrible diarrhea, I was so relieved to be on the toilet straining a little to push. My body can start getting back to normal now. Woohoo! This morning, I had no great success, and decided to dip my toes (or spoon) into the fibre again. I am really hoping that was not a mistake, but I suppose I will find out soon enough. 

    It was a beautiful day in Southwestern Ontario. After I enjoyed a video date with my wife, a buddy came over for a few hours and we chatted until he had to go. Now I am ready to teach and will try to get a good night’s sleep. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 885

    It had been my plan to eat today to celebrate with my gorgeous doggie the five-year anniversary of her Adoption Day. As I drove home from Grimsby yesterday afternoon, I realized how weak I was, and decided to move our celebration up by a single day. I stopped at the supermarket and picked up veal chops and the vegetables to prepare a salad. I got home and put rice on to cook as well. While starchy, rice is known for fighting diarrhea, and after three days of it I was ready to try whatever might work. I enjoyed my veal and rice and salad, and Princess Sophie really enjoyed her bone. I was hoping that this morning I might find some solid solace… but I did not.

    In addition to what I mentioned, I also bought a mango. I suspect it was this more than anything else that led to the two-pound jump in my weight from yesterday morning. I was not at all impressed by that jump… but I deserved it.

    Despite my weight gain over these past two days, I am going to eat another meal today (minus the fruit). Four days of diarrhea is simply not good for the body, and I need to be able to healthily get through this coming week. Yes, her Royal Floofness will get another bone on the actual day of her Adoptiversary.

    After losing 12.6 lbs. in just five days, I should not be terribly upset to give back 2.4 lbs. over the weekend. I just have to make sure that I continue on the downward trend, and not give up any unnecessary losses. I will eat because I think that right now it could be unhealthy to not eat anything… but I will not overindulge or eat the wrong foods. The rice is necessary, but the mango was not. I will not make that mistake again today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 884

    I was not feeling better at all yesterday, even though the start of the day was promising. I was happy to get through the day (although I did need to take a nap before class and thank G-d that I did!), and even got 7,300 steps in. That included a trip to the supermarket and dry cleaners. While my trip to the supermarket was for a specific reason, I did not get out entirely unscathed; I stopped at the bakery and bought a single roll, and when I got home, I toasted it and enjoyed it with avocado oil (a non-margarine spread) on one side, and grated cheese on the other. I ate this in place of one meal replacement. I am not sure, but I suspect that the carbs helped to settle the evil serotonin receptors in my stomach which have been wreaking havoc on my system these last few days.

    This morning’s bowel movement was no better than any of the myriad BMs of the last couple of days. Nevertheless, I do feel that I am doing better today than I was Thursday or Friday. I am cautiously optimistic that I just might be on the other side of the worst of things. We’ll see.

    Leslie and I had a lovely cigar date over the last three hours. What started out as a beautiful day turned, within the last fifteen minutes, into an extremely rainy storm. I was not expecting it, although the forecast did call for rain today. That rain is really coming down now.

    It is now 1:20pm. I have had to sit on the potty once in the interim, but despite that I am feeling much better today than I did yesterday. My stomach is still feeling a little weak, but overall, I am feeling good. Yay! I think I can now say with confidence that while I might possibly not be completely better, I am certainly over the worst of it.

    My weight was up by .4 lb. this morning. It is possible that is because of the roll that I broke down and purchased yesterday, but it is more likely due to the large quantity of Gatorade that I have ingested these past few days. While the drink is not high in calories, the sodium content is pretty high (270mg per bottle), and I remember Leslie telling me a few months ago that she was not losing weight when she drank it. If it is the sodium, then tomorrow or Monday I should see a significant loss as that is flushed from my system. I was not terribly put off by the slight gain, but it helps psychologically to know why it happened… and that the effects should only be temporary.

    Yes, I bought an ate a roll yesterday. I am reasonably sure that the ill-effects of my withdrawal symptoms were exacerbated by the fact that there was no solid food in my stomach. Leslie told me that there are serotonin receptors in the stomach, and the food (especially the carbohydrates) would have mitigated at least some of those issues. I remember as a child my mother would always give me dry toast when I had stomach issues (especially diarrhea). Maybe there was something to that. No, I did not have the roll dry, but that’s another story. The fact that I only had a single roll with how I was feeling, and not more and worse foods, is a minor win.

    I slept much better last night than I did the previous two, both because I did not have to get up several times to visit the bathroom and because the discomfort was much less. According to my fitness watch my sleep score was 82 (both with good balance, and a full 7h54 minutes), and my body battery was 43 when I woke up… which is still lousy, but it is still much higher than the 16 that I had yesterday morning. I am still going to take it easy today, but I might get onto the treadmill when I get home… I know that had I tried to exercise yesterday it would have been a total disaster.

    I am nearly finished with my second meal replacement of the day. I am still feeling at least some need to sit on the toilet before I go out, but it is not as pressing as it was so many times yesterday. As I taught last night, I had to keep a ten-minute timer on standby so that if I needed to (as I did twice during my class) I could give the students a break without them not knowing when I would return. Were I teaching today I would be doing the same thing, but if things continue as they have, I doubt I will need to by the time Monday’s class starts.

    I am going to drive to Grimsby this afternoon to pick up a shirt that I ordered. I am excited to see it – while I have a few items with Masonic logos on them, this will be the first that I have with my Lodge’s logo. It is very exciting! Yes, for someone who spent so many years essentially branded by Microsoft, and who later vowed to not be ‘logoed’ anymore, that is weird… but Freemasonry is different. I am not advertising a corporation but am instead proudly sporting the logo of a fraternal organization of which I am proud to be a member.

    Okay, I am going to head out… after a quick (hopefully) stop on the potty. I look forward to no longer needing to plan every trip out of the house around unpredictable bowel movements. I hope that by the time I am back the rain will be in the rearview mirror and that I can once again enjoy relaxing on the balcony with a good book.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 881

    Yesterday was mostly a day of rest. My body needed it after the previous day’s activity. I also confess that I had both a handful of almonds (in lieu of my third meal replacement) and a handful of peanuts (in addition to everything). I confess, as I was leaving my buddy’s house in Grimsby, I was feeling very weak, and I stopped at a Bulk Barn and picked up the nuts. I was feeling weak again toward the end of the evening and thought about eating a protein bar. I was leaning heavily toward it but then decided to brush my teeth and be done for the night. I think I did the right thing.

    In the previous days I had been adding a lot more fibre to my meal replacements. While I know the fibre helps to keep your bowels unclogged, I suspect I might have overdone it. Yesterday I had four bowel movements, the last two of which were quite on the urgent side. This morning’s movement was also somewhat loose. While I am thrilled to be regular, I think this might be a little too regular, and I will dial the fibre back down to one teaspoon per day.

    I was so excited this morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale to discover that my weight had dropped another two pounds! This was amazing for several of reasons. Firstly, I have now officially lost all of the weight (and more!) that I had put back on during my two breaks from the program. Next, I was able to (for the first time since May 29th) cross off another milestone on my fridge chart. My weight is now below what it was when I Flew to Cuba on my last trip (March 23). In fact, the last time I weighed this was March 12, and I am very happy to be making the progress that I have been making. My best weight of this calendar year was on January 22, and I am still about 16 lbs. heavier than I was on that day. I also now weigh 36.6 lbs. more than I did at my best weight ever (October 18, 2023), which means I have a long way to go until I get there… but I am going to do it.

    With regard to the chart on my fridge, I my weight is now 35.2 lbs. from the day that I will shave my beard so that my wife can see what she calls my ‘baby face’ just once… although she also wants me to grow it back again immediately. It will be interesting to see what I look like without a beard and the weight. As I have written earlier, I hope to be able to achieve that by the fall.

    It is now 1:20pm and I have been nursing my midday meal replacement for the past thirty minutes. I am going to finish it and then change into my workout clothes and go for a walk. As I told Leslie, I will not be trying to jog today. Not only does my body still feel a bit drained, but it is also nearing 33° Celsius (91.5° Fahrenheit for my American readers). I may love the heat and even running in it… but I need to teach this evening, and it just would not do for me to be completely drained of life before my class. I will also make sure to pee… at least once but probably twice because I have been drinking a lot of water today (as I should be, both for weight loss and to stay hydrated in this heat!).

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 879

    As I said I would, I took my sons to Lone Star Texas Grill for lunch yesterday. Now I remember clearly that the low-calorie meal that I usually order is the Fajita Bowl with grilled chicken, minus the cheese and the poblano crema. While the nutritional value lists this item as 810 calories with 1210mg of sodium, 18g of fat (5g saturated), 35g of carbohydrates, and 32g of protein, from what I can tell by removing the cheese and the poblano crema that would drop to 690 calories with 900mg of sodium, 6g of fat (0g saturated), 32g of carbohydrates, and 25g of protein. Overall, I think I did a decent job on that meal. Nevertheless, I decided to cut out two meal replacements yesterday, just in case…

    As I was chatting with Leslie last night, we discussed how difficult the first day back on the program can be. We were both hungry, and possibly even a little hangry… although not with each other. I told her that it was likely more difficult for her yesterday, if only for the fact that I had an actual lunch. I hope we will both make it through the next few days without too much difficulty.

    I told Leslie that I decided that when I weighed myself this morning, I would have lost a pound from yesterday. When I stepped onto the scale today (after a pretty decent bowel movement) I realized that I was not one pound down. In fact, I had dropped 3.8 lbs., my best weight since the day I put the program aside for the sake of being able to get through my classes. That was fifteen days ago. I am now only 1.4 lbs. from matching my best weight from this diet go-around… and two pounds from being able to cross off another mini milestone on my fridge chart! I am truly stoked about the progress. In fact, as I was writing this journal entry, I felt the urge and had another very productive bowel movement. I might have lost even more!

    I have a lot of work to do today but am still planning on going out for a jog after my midday meal replacement. This morning, I had a lovely video date with my wife on the balcony, and we again discussed our weight loss progress. She did well this morning as well, so we were both happy with our progress. As I have said in the past, she and I joke that on the first days of the program I only need to look at a shake to begin losing weight again, so even with the meal that I had, we had both expected I would do much better. Yay!

    I have been hungry these last couple of hours. I told Leslie that I did not want to enjoy my midday meal replacement until 12:30, and now that is only ten minutes away. I have also had a lot to drink… in addition to my three cups of coffee, I also finished two large bottles (750ml each) of water, which is very good to help my weight loss. It also means that I have spent a lot of time running to the loo, but that is to be expected.

    Okay, I am going to publish this article, drink my shake, and go for my jog/walk. I am going to try to do ten kilometres total (I will jog at least 3km, but possibly more), and I will walk the rest. My last outdoor jog/walk was 90 minutes, and I should be able to do that easily despite the heat (it is now 30°C and sunny), but I will listen to my body. I think the Army trained me to keep going despite any level of fatigue I may be feeling, but I know that I am no longer 22 years old and have to think of the aftereffects as well as what I may be feeling at the time. I will take my large bottle with me but will not hesitate to stop into a convenience store to replenish should I finish it.

    Speaking of the Army, I chatted with an uncle in Israel this morning. I need to get a copy of my service record to submit with my US Immigration papers, and the consulate informed me that I have to get that directly from the Army… and the Army finally responded to my email and told me that I need to call them for it. What a royal pain… without a contact in Israel it would be an expensive series of overseas calls to get it, so he will make the call and try to get it for me. I am crossing my fingers that they do not rebuff him… I suspect his rank should get through at least some of that bureaucracy though.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 877

    I realized early in the afternoon yesterday that I was extremely edgy. I was sitting with a close friend and within the first three minutes I wanted to lash out. I did not, instead explaining to him that I thought I was feeling the withdrawal symptoms from cutting off my antidepressants. I made the decision later in the afternoon that it was probably a bad idea to be at the beginning of my food-free program and going through that. I will resume the program tomorrow, but I need to get my head right. I am going to stay close to home today, only going out to walk Her Floofness.

    My weight was up significantly this morning, but keeping my head straight is the immediate priority.

  • Day 873

    Today was supposed to be my first full day back on the program, but I miscalculated, and so I ended up having chicken for lunch. The rest of my food intake has been and will be meal replacements. I also exercised today, doing 42 minutes on the treadmill (the first 28 minutes of which I jogged). I am happy to be back on track with that and hope that tomorrow morning the bathroom scale will reflect both the exercise and the dietary change.

    I confess that yesterday my eating was quite naughty… twice. First, I decided to buy a roll to enjoy with my lunch. I knew that because of the timing of my doctor’s appointment that I would not be eating dinner, and so I decided to indulge. Secondly, after the Lodge meeting, the brethren assembled in the downstairs hall for what is apparently a seasonal tradition: ice cream with fresh Ontario strawberries. I should have declined but I did not. It is no wonder that this morning the bathroom scale showed my weight up by not quite a whole pound. After ten days (ish?) of overindulgence and almost no exercise, I am relieved that my weight has not peaked above 285… but it is close. I hope the next week or two will get me back on track.

    I was surprised last night to discover that a good buddy came into town to see me for one night/one morning. After Lodge, we went back to Rob’s place and the three of us chatted as we smoked a cigar. This morning the two of them and one more buddy came by for a cigar. While I really should have been working, I had not seen David in a year, and he flew into town to surprise me. Yeah, he gets a morning… and a top-shelf cigar!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 868

    Yesterday was a bad day. I ate too much chicken, and despite not eating anything after 3:30pm, I still gained a lot of weight this morning. I will try to get back on track today.

  • Day 866

    Following my first day on the modified program, my weight was up… but only very slightly. .2 lb. is within the margin of error of no actual change, but that does not change the fact that I was hoping to see at least a slight drop. It is, of course, difficult to lose weight when one sits at one’s desk for thirteen hours in a day. I am actually surprised to see that I managed to log nearly 7,500 steps! Walking my dog saved the day on that front.

    My plan for today is to do exactly as I did yesterday with regard to food intake. The only change I will make is that I will try to have my second (last) meal replacement at least an hour earlier than I did yesterday. I was lecturing until 9:15pm, and that is really too late to eat.

    With the fact that these last few days have been mostly negative, let me share at least one bit of positivity: I am wearing my sports jackets. I would not fit into all of them, but at least I am able to wear a few of them. Yesterday I wore the purple one, and today I am wearing the blue one. I am looking forward to being able to wear any of the clothes in my closet again… but that will take some time.

    The meal replacements that I ordered arrived yesterday, and they are the new formula. A lot of the people on my Facebook group had a lot of bad things to say about them, and so I was a little worried. While I still think I prefer the old formula, the new one is not bad. I know I will be able to get used to them.

    Despite my adding fibre to both meal replacements yesterday, I was still not satisfied with my bowel movement this morning. It was not completely zero… but it was not very satisfactory. I know I could have done better, and that if I continue to add fibre then I will.

    It is time for me to get to work… have a great day folks!