Losing a part of me

Category: Friends

  • Day 302

    I lost 1.6 lbs. from yesterday, which is a good bit of progress. These last two days I am down 2.4 lbs. It is still only about a third of the more than 7 lbs. that I gained in this recent slide, but positive progress is better than the alternative. I have written before that you can claw your way to losing five pounds over the course of a week, and then ruin it with one good (really bad) meal. Positive progress is slow, but regression can come too quick.

    My knee is still aching terribly, but if I am not mistaken there might be a bit of improvement over yesterday. It is still stiff and painful, but it might be less so than yesterday. I am hoping that trend continues. I have been giving a lot of thought as I lie awake at night thinking about the workout that probably did me in. I knew as I was doing them that the knee extensions were hurting me on that leg, but I did not want to back down. I will be very careful about anything around my knees going forward. Hopefully it is getting better, but I will continue to ice it and take the anti-inflammatories. If it is still bothering me on the weekend, I will go to the clinic.

    I got a call from Eduardo earlier today asking me to drive his estranged wife to the airport tomorrow. She needs to be at the airport for 5:00am, which means that I set an alarm for 3:30am. I will be going to sleep very early this evening. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day! I am picking Leslie up at the airport at 11:00pm, which means that I will not be in bed before 1:00am. A 22-hour day would have been common a few years ago, but not anymore. Fortunately I will be able to sleep from 6:00pm to 10:00pm after my class (and after walking Princess Sophie). Otherwise, I am not sure I would be able to manage it.

    It is mid-afternoon, and I have not cheat-eaten yet. I had my chicken and salad for lunch, and after my class, I will have a meal replacement. It would be nice if tomorrow morning I am down another two pounds, but that is reaching. I only hope to keep inching my way back to my best-weight-yet territory, but I am more than four pounds away from that, so hopefully by Monday.

    Today’s entry is late, and tomorrow’s is going to be extremely tired. I strongly suspect that tomorrow will be a two-pots-of-coffee day.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 298

    Yesterday evening I indulged… and I paid the price this morning on the scale. Sorry, not sorry! I was hungry in the evening, and I decided to make myself a salad. I was going to put some canned salmon on top but when I opened the cabinet, I saw the packages of gourmet smoked salmon that Leslie bought me as a present. I should have portioned it out so that I had enough for a couple of meals, but no. The entire package went onto the salad. It was delicious! This morning’s weight gain was ridiculous, but that is partly because of the high salt content of salmon and should correct tomorrow. I just have to stay on track today.

    I should mention that mid-morning I had an extremely large bowel movement, and there is a very good chance that if I were to weigh myself after that, my weight would be more in line with what I was hoping for this morning. Nothing doing, I will wait until tomorrow morning.

    My plans for the day are simple. I am taking it easy until I hopefully drive out to Milton to spend a couple of hours smoking cigars with Eduardo and Sam. At 5:00pm I have to be at the airport to pick up Lyle and Dorothy, and then drive them back to Hamilton. I do not plan to spend a lot of time with them once there, for two reasons: 1) They will be tired and want to unpack after a long flight, and 2) I have to wake up early tomorrow for my class, which means that I should get a good night sleep tonight. Of course, I will also have my regular meal in a little while. After the scale shock this morning, I will do my absolute best to not stray far from the food plan!

    We are now five days away from Leslie’s upcoming visit, and I am really excited. I miss being with her, and while the video calls are nice, they are small consolation for not being able to hold my wife in my arms. As I told a friend yesterday: I married her because I do not want to spend another day not being married to her. The distance truly sucks.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 297

    It is frustrating that I do so well throughout a day, and then ruin it at the end. I do not think that the challah and peanut putter I had last night was worth a 1.2 lbs. gain this morning, especially after a good workout. I am glad though that after my workout, the scale at the gym read 9 lbs. lower than this morning’s weigh-in.

    My trainer and I worked out again yesterday, and yes, I am feeling it in my muscles today. I am not sure when our next session will be, owing to the fact that I am teaching every day next week. It is likely that a couple of them will be while Leslie is here, and then the remaining sessions will be after Kezi is back from her vacation.

    Speaking of Leslie, we are now inside one week from her visit. I am so excited that I will finally see her again! Yes, it has been too long.

    Eduardo is coming over for a cigar this afternoon, but I think I will head to the gym now for a bit. I will not do a full workout, I will just get onto the treadmill for half an hour or so. I find my pace on the treadmill is much faster than my pace when walking on the street… even though I do not enjoy it nearly as much.

    Okay, here’s the plan: I am going to be at the gym from 10-12 (which will include shower and sauna and stuff). I will come home and make my lunch, and then cigars with Eduardo. I know he is going through some difficult things right now, and I will always be a compassionate ear to listen when friends are in need.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 296–Remembrance Day

    On the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month the guns fell silent for the last time.

    Not quite.

    This morning I eschewed my regular fedora, deciding instead to wear my military cover. I did not expect anyone to recognize it for what it was, although one fellow dog walker commented that it was an interesting hat. As she often does, Princess Sophie decided to stop and play with Davey as the kids waited for their school bus. One kid (maybe nine or ten years old) said ‘That one minute of silence… it feels like ten hours!’ I wanted to tell him about my friends, boys really not that much older than him, who were silenced forever. I wanted to tell him how ten hours of constant explosions can feel like a minute… and an eternity.

    Last night I folded my laundry and had a bittersweet moment. Knowing that tomorrow will be the last day with a forecast high of double digits for several months, I separated my golf shirts (which are the main component of my summer wardrobe) from my long sleeve shirts and put them into a drawer. Among those that went away for the season are several that I will likely never wear again, having shrunk out of them. I have been wearing mostly XXL shirts for the few months, but there were (until last night) two 3XL shirts in my rotation: a purple one that I always loved, and a pink one that has always been Leslie’s favourite. Come spring, most of the shirts that I put away last night will likely be given to charity. The purple one will go for sure. Leslie will not let me get rid of that pink shirt, no matter what. As strange as this might sound for a golf shirt, I might try to get it tailored down to size. We’ll see. Maybe it will just live in my drawer forever, or when I finally move to Dallas, hanging in our closet.

    It feels really good to be shrinking out of my clothes. I am really looking forward to the day when even the custom-tailored suits that I have been waiting for be able to wear, which were bought when I was at my lowest weight of the last twenty-five years, no longer fit and have to be either put away or given to charity. Even though when I look at myself in the mirror, I still see a morbidly obese reflection of myself, both the numbers on the scale and the fit of my clothes are good indicators of the tremendous progress I have made. The reflection looking back at me? That is a morphing of the road I have ahead, and the psychological damage of a kid who would never be good enough.

    I did my first full workout with Kezi yesterday, and yes, I did all of the warmups before starting. Today is our next workout, and I will once again do all of my warmups. I promise. I swear. Prior to the workout, I decided to pick up a handful of dried apricots, which gave me the carbohydrates to fuel the workout. Honestly, I do not know if the carbs work or not, but I ate them, I enjoyed them, and I will do the same today. As it was, I was feeling a bit dizzy and light-headed during the workout, which is most likely due to my low blood pressure. I do not want to make it worse by not having the fuel to keep me going.

    One thing I asked Kezi to adjust going forward. The workout that we did yesterday was mostly with free weights. I told her that if we would be working out together long term that would be fine, I feel that for my program to be sustainable for the long term, we should focus on the machines. We have five more workouts together, and the reason I paid for the package was because I want to know the best way to work out alone. I think the machines are a much smarter way for me to go than trying to remember every workout with free weights, especially knowing that I don’t know if my form is right or not. She told me she understands and will adjust her plans for us accordingly. I am looking forward to seeing how that plays out today.

    The only cheat on my program yesterday was the dozen dried apricots, and the numbers on the scale reflected that. My bathroom scale this morning read 303.0 lbs. which puts me back into the best-weight-ever territory (by only 0.2 lb.) . After my workout yesterday, the needle on the scale at the club read 299 lbs., making it the first time I have registered under 300 pounds since February 17, 2021. Of course, the post-workout weigh-in may feel good, but it is meaningless for me. The only weigh-ins that count are my morning weigh-ins, and the only ones that I actually register in this journal consistently are the semi-weekly weigh-ins at my doctor’s office. The next one of those is on Wednesday, November 23. I hope by then to drop from 139kg to 136kg… 299.8 lbs., with my clothes on.

    If 2022 will truly be the year I lose 50kg, then as of my last weigh-in I am still 10kg (about 22 lbs.) from that goal, and I have less than two months to achieve it. The 100 lbs. loss is certainly achievable, as I am only about 8 lbs. shy of that number. Losing eight pounds in seven weeks is absolutely achievable. Losing 22 lbs. in the same seven weeks? I am going to try my best, but I will not be terribly upset if I fall slightly shy of that number. If I do, then I will settle for losing fifty kilograms in 365 days, which gives me until January 20 to do it. I am still going to try to get there by December 31 though!

    I do not know why I agreed to an 11am workout on Remembrance Day, but I did. We will have to start a couple of minutes late, as I will observe my minutes of silence. I do not expect those around me to, but it would be nice if they did. I know that my wife is thinking about me today. She has already told me that she is thinking about me and my service this morning. I have not responded, but I will call her right now.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 291

    While I did take small bits of snacks at Ryan’s place yesterday, it was not nearly on the same level as last weekend. I did, however, forget my meal replacement bars – or at least, I thought I did – which meant that I accepted the proffered dinner of a steak sandwich, which I shared with Princess Sophie. It turns out that the meal replacements were in the car, and I could have avoided all of it had I realized that. Sigh.

    My weight this morning is .2lbs up from yesterday, which is really within the margin of error. I am going to the doctor’s office tomorrow and am praying that I am at least 1kg down from two weeks ago, but if I cheat today, that is unlikely. We all know what that means of course… I cannot cheat today! I forgot that I finished the last of my chicken yesterday, which means that I have to go to the supermarket to pick some up today. While I am there, I also need onions and tomatoes. Lord knows, I have enough carrots and celery to sink a ship… owing to my miscalculation regarding the requirements for my chicken soup.

    Speaking of which, I did what I could to remove the schmaltz from the chicken soup, which is now in a jar in my fridge. All seven containers of chicken soup are now in the freezer, and I am somewhat reminded of my mother’s kitchen. Miriam z”l did not have a lot of fine qualities, but she did make fabulous chicken soup. Seldom could you open one of our freezers without finding frozen containers of chicken soup. I can assure you that her soup was much better than mine… and likely any other that I have ever tasted. Of course, those freezers (yes, there was always a second freezer in the house) were replete with everything you can imagine; the Tetris game that I play with my cigars in the humidors is amateur hour compared to how she would pack a freezer. Of course, anyone who disturbed her methods would feel her wrath, but then I did not ever have to work hard to feel that.

    I was speaking with Leslie about how much we miss one another last night. It really is hard to live separately. We are really looking forward to seeing each other in twelve days time, but we both truly long for the day when we can live together forever. Our generation was instilled with the mantra of ‘Good things come to those who wait.’ This is a concept chiefly foreign to the younger generation, who have been raised with the concept of immediate rewards. I know we both have to wait, and eventually the State Department will issue my visa… but the time predicted for that to happen seems so long to us both. At least we have the means and the ability to visit so that we can spend time together every month… but we both feel that each time we part it is harder and harder on us. I pray for a quick response and a positive outcome!

    My plan for the day: I have to go to the supermarket to pick up some chicken and veggies for lunch (for today and the next few days). After that, I am going to Georgetown to a herf with some of the boys up there. I have to be prepared to hear a lot of racist jokes and far-right opinions. I have not yet decided if I am going to keep my opinions to myself or not; this might be a good opportunity for me to practice my reasonable voice. We’ll see… sometimes it is just less stressful to hold my tongue. If there is food at the herf, I will abstain. That is one of the reasons my lunch is so important! I thought about defrosting a steak, but after having the steak sandwich yesterday, I think that would be ill-advised. My gout has not been bothering me since I started taking the preventative meds daily, but why tempt fate, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • La Plus Ça Change…

    I do not remember what diet I was on six years ago, but according to my Facebook Memories, I must have been doing pretty well. This was, of course, six months before I started on my first medically supervised meal-replacement program at the bariatric clinic in Hamilton. I do know that I posted the following on Facebook six years ago today (November 5, 2016):

    To my friends and acquaintances who have commented on my weight loss:

    1. Thank you for noticing. I am not talking about it, but I am working very hard to lose weight.
    2. How much I have lost is none of your business. If I do not offer it, please don’t ask.
    3. How much I weigh is none of your business. If I do not offer it, please don’t ask.
    4. How much I weighed when I started is REALLY none of your business. I will not offer it, please don’t ask.
    5. If you have noticed that I am losing weight, please do not suggest ways for me to lose weight. What I am doing is apparently working for me, and I am going to continue to do it my way until such time as it stops working for me… at which point I will consult with the people (professionals) who have guided me thus far and will work out other stratagem. If I have not asked your advice, please accept that I do not want it… regardless of how pure and noble your intentions are.

    That is all.

    I see that several things have not changed since then… and a few things have. For one thing, I am talking about it… or at least, I am writing about it. To date, I have written some 240,000 words about it in this journal, which is transferred daily to my blog. I do not know whether that is to inspire others, or just as a cathartic exercise to put my thoughts into some sort of order, or just to keep me on track and accountable. I do know that my blog currently has about 125 subscribers, and it gets between three and thirty hits per day. I am glad that someone is reading it… but I also suspect that I would write it even if nobody ever did.

    My attitudes about other aspects of my progress have not changed much. I do not want anyone’s unsolicited advice. While I have started writing it recently, for the first seven or eight months I did not mention (on the blog) what I weigh. These numbers were, of course, kept in the journal to track progress. Until very recently they were never shared.

    It is amazing that so many people have so much advice to offer about how to lose weight. I wonder how many of those can say that they have lost ninety pounds. Thanks for your advice… I’ll file it with the rest of the unsolicited crap I get in the post.

    For a couple of years before I moved to Israel, I coached high school basketball. I had a lot of fun with that, even though in hindsight I was not very good at it. In my last year of coaching girls, I remember a game which we were winning. We were doing really well. I had the girls playing a zone defense, and we were shutting down the opposition. At halftime, someone told me that we were not supposed to be playing zone but had to switch to man-on-man. I do not remember the details, but I remember in the locker room telling the girls to shift from one to the other. We came out for the second half, and we lost the game by ten points. It was not because man-on-man is better or worse than zone, it was because we changed our strategy mid-game… and we blew it.

    Every winning coach has a different strategy to win, and while some of them are similar, some are quite different. I remember hearing somewhere that the hardest thing to do in sports is to go into the locker room at halftime of the Super Bowl and change the strategy that worked for you all year but is not working anymore. There will come a time I am sure when I am forced to re-evaluate my plan because it stopped working. In fact, that has already happened twice. I had been having two meals per day, and I switched to one meal per day. I was having my meal in the evening, but then shifted to eating it at lunchtime (when my schedule allowed for it).

    My point is this: while I am losing weight, why would I try to change what is working for me? It is not like the people who are spewing advice at me are saying ‘Oh, I am sorry to hear that your weight loss has stalled or plateaued… maybe this will help?’ They are usually saying ‘Hey, you are losing weight? Great… this is a better way to lose weight.’ Really? You don’t say? Thanks for your garbage advice. Have a nice day.

    While my program is working, I am going to keep on it. If you are offended that I am not telling you about it, that is just something you are going to have to learn to live with. I am sure your way of doing things might work… but my way of doing things works too. In fact, it is working, and I will keep at it until I decide to change. I am not going to change my strategy that is obviously working because you feel that your way is better. I am sure your way is better for you. My way is what is best for me for now.

    Just to be clear, the answer is NO. When the time comes when I decide to change my strategy, I will not go looking for the advice of everyone who thinks they know best. You may be surprised by this, but I did not come up with the current strategy off the top of my head. It was not delivered on tablets from Mount Sinai. I came up with it by taking the advice of many medical professionals, at least some of whom know more about weight loss than do my friends the accountants, marketing professionals, bankers, and brokers. Thank you, I will continue to let you all handle my finances, marketing, and banking. I will continue to seek their advice about my health.

    I know that the above paragraph is going to incense somebody who thinks the entire medical field is a giant scam to push pharmaceuticals on their patients. I can assure you that over the past 290 days that I have been on my weight loss journey, no drugs have been involved. Also, I trust my doctor. Also, I think most conspiracy theories are stupid.

    To those of you who might ask what I am doing to lose weight safely? I encourage you to read my blog from the beginning. For those of you who want to give me advice about how to lose weight? I encourage you to pick up a book, turn on the television, or go for a walk. Do anything but give me weight loss advice. Trust me, I’ve heard it all before, and I have picked a strategy that works for me.

  • Day 290

    I am in Facebook Jail. I have to stop telling idiots who instigate cops that they are idiots. Facebook, I’ll see you Friday!

    I finished up with the soup today… almost. I now have seven plastic containers in the fridge filled with Jewish Penicillin, and the kitchen has been completely cleaned. The only step left is to take the congealed fat (chicken schmaltz) off the top of each container before freezing them all. I will do that today. For the most part though, I stayed out of the kitchen.

    As has become my habit these last few weeks, I bought two challah rolls for the Shabbat blessing yesterday; following the blessings, I indulged in them with some peanut butter. I decided that would replace not one but at least two meal replacements. My food intake yesterday was a meal replacement shake in the morning, my regular lunch, a mid-afternoon meal replacement bar, and then around sundown I had the challah. Nothing after that, save for a nice cigar on the balcony. The result? This morning my weight was down .4lbs. I am not back into best-ever territory, but I am back below the ‘When Mitchell Met Leslie’ milestone.

    These last few days have been what we used to call Indian Summer, although I truly hope that term has fallen out of favour. It is not often that on November 4th I have been able to sit on the balcony in Canada wearing short sleeves and be comfortable. For my evening cigar (which accompanied another James Bond movie) I did put on a jacket, although I could have gotten away with a long-sleeved shirt. No matter, it was quite pleasant. Today’s forecast is more of the same, although there is a chance of rain later in the day. Tomorrow is forecast to be warm and sunny, and I have been invited to a herf in Georgetown. That should be fun, although I rather suspect someone will try to get me to eat. I will do my best to abstain, sticking to my program.

    I should be getting together with Eduardo later today for a cigar, and hopefully our friend Sam will join us. He has been rather difficult to pin down of late, but he has a lot of family obligations, and I do not blame him. It will be nice to see him though.

    So much for that. I just got off the phone with Eduardo, who is not feeling well today. He had a bad reaction from a vaccine yesterday (either flu or pneumonia) and is going to take it easy today. To see how easy I can shift, I am going to take Princess Sophie to Cambridge to hang out with Ryan and the gang. Knowing that, the goal is much more important: Do not snack! I have to be able to sit there and resist all of the temptations. To that end, I plan to:

    1. Go after I have had a satisfying lunch.
    2. Bring a couple of good cigars, that are tastier than the chazerei they always have sitting about.
    3. When Glen tries to tempt me, punch him in the face!
    4. Bring a couple of meal replacement bars, in case I do get hungry.

    Okay, Number 3 is exaggerated. I will simply thank him and decline. That might be easier. I have already ruined my relationship with Ryan’s sister (because of her boyfriend who thought it was funny to tell Hitler jokes about gassing Jews to me). I want to stay in the good graces of at least most of the family!

    I want to wake up tomorrow back under 305lbs. The only way I can do that is to stay on track, stay on course, and do not succumb to temptation. No problems, right? Sounds simple, right? Simple… but not easy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 259

    Today is Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. We fast from sundown yesterday to sundown today, which means there will be neither meals nor meal replacements until dinner. It is a day when we ask G-d for forgiveness. I have a lot to ask, and will be in synagogue all day. Actually, I will be at the Canyon Club, which is a hall my synagogue rents for the High Holidays every year… but it’s the same thing.

    I did eat out yesterday… breakfast (a piece of avocado toast with tomato and a poached egg), and lunch (a half turkey sandwich from Von’s). Neither was over the top, although it would have been smarter to eat less bread.

    For dinner, my friend Kareene offered to cook for me, which was very nice of her. It gave me the chance to see her children (and her dogs). She prepared seasoned chicken brochettes with rice and grilled vegetables. On the surface, that sounds like a healthy meal that is completely friendly to my program. It should, by all accounts, have been a good meal to start my fast with.

    It may sound good, but in fact it was disastrous for both my fast and for my diet… although only temporarily. Here’s how:

    1. The brochettes were store-bought, and while they were very tasty, they were so salty that within 30 minutes my mouth and throat were crying out for water.

    2. The salt content caused me to retain water, and the numbers on the bathroom scale were extremely unfriendly this morning.

    I assume they over the next couple of days, the numbers on the scale will stabilize back to where they were yesterday. However, by the time I got home to my buddy’s house, I needed water. There was no way I could have made it through the night without.

    There are Jews who do not fast on Yom Kippur. There are some who will drink water only, or coffee, or whatever. I try to eat and drink nothing at all. This year I failed in that. I own it. With that said, I woke up this morning and did not have coffee, and I did not take a drink of water. I did brush my teeth and took my pills, but until we break the fast this evening, there will be nothing else. I hope that it is not too hard.

    It is great to see all of my friends down here. I don’t miss everything about California… but I do miss them.

    Have a great day, and an easy fast, and the best for a happy, healthy, and sweet New Year.

  • Day 258

    It is weird to be back in Southern California; weirder still to be back at the Stonehaus, in my old stomping ground of Westlake Village. It’s almost like I never left, and haven’t been here in a thousand years.

    I was mostly (although not completely) good yesterday on my food intake. Firstly, I realized too late into my scrumptious dinner of rotisserie chicken and salad that the salad had feta cheese. I did not eat non-kosher on purpose, but I did.

    I also indulged in some dried fruit and peanuts, and thought I might pay for it on the scale, but I was extremely pleased to see that I lost nearly a pound. I think I have an irrational fear that any minor aberration from the program will sink me, which I know is not true. I’m working on it. As I have mentioned, there is a huge psychological component to weight loss, and I have not yet found the right balance between eating everything and eating nothing in my mind.

    It is great being out here and seeing all of my friends. Ok, I’ve only seen three of them so far, but it is still great. I’ll see many more before the week is done, and it is truly great. Friends are truly important, and even if you don’t see them often, when you do it is special.

    I do not know if I will be able to get any walks in this week. My schedule is pretty tight, but also because I am not somewhere I can easily come home and shower, it’s a pain. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 240

    I am relieved to see that the numbers on the scale were slightly down this morning. I had some popcorn yesterday, which I know I should not have. I also had another salad, which I shouldn’t do, but which is not the end of the world. I know that I should be trying to stick to my plan, but I was really out of sorts yesterday. I hope to do better today.

    I have to do some shopping this morning. I do have a steak that I could defrost, but I do not think that I have done well enough on my program recently to deserve that treat. I will pick up some chicken, as well as vegetables. I have onion and tomatoes, but I am out of cucumber and lettuce. I am also going to see if they have any sesame oil, which they did not have the last time I went.

    My friend Eduardo and I are supposed to get together today for me to replace the hard drive in his computer. I honestly hate helping friends keep computers going that are over ten years old, but what can I do? He is a friend on a budget and does not want to spend the money to buy something new. We will of course smoke a cigar together, which will be nice. I like hanging out with my friends. Tomorrow I will be going to see Ryan, which is always a nice way to spend the afternoon. I just hope that his sister’s boyfriend isn’t there… he’s a real tool. I have no interest in breathing the same air as anyone who tells antisemitic jokes. We’ll see… it might turn into a short afternoon.

    I have a couple of things that I want to post for sale on Facebook Marketplace. I only mention that here because I know that it is the first time that I have written or verbalized it, despite having thought of it for weeks. If I write it down, I might actually get cracking on it. Let’s hope.

    Have a great day folks!