Losing a part of me

Category: Plans

  • Day 469

    Had you asked me a week ago, I would have scoffed at the idea that my weight this morning would be back under 260 lbs. After all, that morning I weighed 263.4 lbs., and I was going into my travel/wedding weekend fully intending to be off the program completely. I not only expected to gain weight, but I was completely okay with it. Anyone who read yesterday’s entry knows that I ate very well this weekend… which is to say that I actually ate very poorly from the viewpoint of dieting and losing weight. While I had not been doing well on my program for the entire previous week, things really started when I got to the airport a week ago today. After a full breakfast, I had chips and other snacks on the plane. By the following morning I was another 2.4 lbs. heavier, and I expected that by the time we got back to Dallas (Tuesday night) I would easily weigh 270 lbs. Yesterday morning’s 4.2 lbs. drop from Friday was a tremendous shock; this morning’s further 2.4 lbs. drop from yesterday blew me away. Four days after the wedding I am back under 260 lbs. for the first time in nine days.

    Why am I blown away? I had pizza for dinner last night. I was teaching so Leslie and her son ordered food, and I happily ate several slices while my students ran labs. It was not nearly as good as the pizza at The Stonehaus that I enjoyed over the weekend, but it was mighty tasty. It is usually a safe bet that any day that I eat pizza (much less five slices of it) I will gain weight. Not this time! This is just one more time when I admit that I do not understand the way my body works.

    I am not jogging today, despite my writing yesterday that I probably would. I got into bed last night at a reasonable hour and could not sleep. At 12:30am I gave up trying, hoping that staring at my computer screen for a while would tire my eyes. I ended up writing an 1,800-word article for my cigar blog which I hope to publish tomorrow or the latest Monday. I went back to bed and finally fell asleep sometime after 2:30am. My Body Battery barely cracked 60/100 this morning, and I am not going to push myself into an injury. I will try again tomorrow. In the meantime, I will spend a couple of hours at the lounge this afternoon. I have an article that I promised my students that I would write for them, and I want to finish it today so it can be published tomorrow in time for our final class together. I will eat reasonably during the day – I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and I will pick up salads for Leslie and I for lunch. Dinner will of course depend on a number of factors, not the least is my seven-year-old stepson. Whatever we decide on, I will keep mindful and eat in moderation. While I doubt I will see another two-pound drop on the scale tomorrow morning, I will make sure that I am careful so as not to see any increase.

    Speaking of jogging, I am not sure if I will be able to jog outside tomorrow. Starting this evening there is rain and thunderstorms in the forecast for every day from now through Sunday when I fly back to Canada. The high temperatures every day are forecast well above 90° every day as well. While the hourly forecast looks like the morning will be cloudy but dry with temperatures in the high 70s, I do not know how well I can trust that. If it is comfortable outside then I will jog outside; otherwise I will hit the treadmill in the gym. Either way, I am really hoping that tomorrow I can get at least some exercise in. It has been too long since my last jog!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 461

    I did not enjoy high school drama when I was in high school. I certainly do not enjoy it as an adult. I honestly thought that with no family coming to our wedding there would be none of the bull poop that often comes with it. Yesterday afternoon I was reminded that I was optimistic in that thinking. I am not going to lie and say that it did not cause me to eat something I should not have eaten, but it is done, and I am looking ahead to a better day today.

    I had a good jog on the treadmill yesterday. I was not wrong, the audiobook I had been listening to had not been holding my interest, and likely contributed to my getting bored and stopping when I did. The new book that I am listening to now is much more gripping (I have been on a Leon Uris and Herman Wouk kick of late, especially the novels about the Holocaust (Mila 18) and the formation of the State of Israel (Mitla Pass, The Haj, Exodus, The Hope). I had never heard of The Hope (and the sequel The Glory), but so far it is very gripping. Whether that was the reason I did so well on the treadmill yesterday, or if it was just because I was energized (which my Body Battery would speak against), I don’t know… but for the first time I set the treadmill’s pace to a 12-minute mile in the first few minutes of my jogging, and I kept it there for the entire workout.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 8.12km (5.05km)
    • Duration: 54:17 (35:41)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 6m41s (7m15s)
    • Steps: 8,400 (5,712)
    • Calories burned: 1,034 (600)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 154 (160)

    There are a number of issues that I should address about my jogging which might cause a bit of confusion for many if not most of my readers:

    1. I spend a lot of time going back and forth between the imperial system (miles) and the metric system (kilometres). I great up in Canada during the era where we were transitioning from the former system to the latter, so I learned both. I also spent as a child (as I still do today) a lot of time in the United States, a country that never made that transition, which included a lot of road trips during which I had very little to entertain me other than the world around me. I learned at an early age to do the conversion from one to the other in my head (100km=62.5mi, which means that 1km=.625mi, thus 5km=3.125mi). While all of my devices are set to the metric system, the treadmills that I use (both at my gym in Canada, and at the gym at Leslie’s apartment complex in Texas) are set to the imperial system. I have a system in my head for how far I am going to try to push myself which would be difficult to explain, but basically revolves around round numbers… either miles or kilometres.
    2. With regard to temperatures, I also vacillate between Fahrenheit and Celsius. I almost always do this based on which country I am in, so when I am in Canada and I type that it is 10° outside that denotes degrees Celsius; when I am in the USA and I type 60° that denotes degrees Fahrenheit.
    3. I use two devices to measure my running: my iPhone (using an app called MapMyFitness) and my Garmin smartwatch (using the Garmin Connect app). The two apps communicate with each other, and if I look at the MapMyFitness dashboard after logging an activity, it will show up twice. I delete one of them, lest it look like I have run 20km in a day when I only ran 10km. With that said, the two show very different results sometimes, especially on the treadmill. Yesterday’s outing, for example, registered 7km on the fitness watch, but 8.12km on the phone. When running on the street, I almost always trust the watch because Garmin’s origins are GPS. On the treadmill, despite my trying to calibrate the watch, I think I trust the phone more.
    4. Whether stationary or mobile, running or walking, the discrepancy between the two devices for the number of calories burned during a workout is always huge. There are times when I will record the steps and distance from one device, but the calories burned from the other.

    With regard to activity, I am currently on a steps goal streak of fifteen days, and I plan to extend that today. I noticed that Garmin has started increasing my step goal, which had been steady at 8,560 for the longest time. On Sunday my goal adjusted to 8,930, yesterday it jumped to 10,730, and today it is now at 11,490. I suppose this is how it was supposed to be all along, adjusting my goal based on the last few days (or weeks) to make me strive to keep doing better. I will smash through that 11,490 goal for today, but I will also keep an eye on it going forward… we will get to a time when that goal will not be so easy to beat every day. That time is not today though. I am on the fence whether I am going to jog outside or go to the gym today, but I will probably put on my long pants and shirt and run outside. It is sunny but a cool 7° outside, which is comfortable as long as I am dressed properly, and it is not too windy. I think I will chance it! In the evening I will go to Taekwondo, which will be my last class until after I am back from Dallas. I am taking a dobok with me and will try to practice. The good thing about being at my level is that I do not really need to go to the gym to practice my patterns!

    My plan for today is to try to stay on track. While my meal was not cheating yesterday, the snacking was. Yes, it was emotional stress eating, and no, I cannot let that continue. By being mindful of it I can make sure it does not happen again.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 460

    I am still having trouble getting back on track with my program, but I am also not falling hard off the wagon. Knowing that in three days I am going back on my modified program for ten days, I wonder if it is worth the effort. I will stick mainly to the program, but I might buy some chicken breasts and vegetables to make one midday meal per day. I know that I have been having trouble getting my Body Battery up above 75 (even when I wake up in the morning), and by the end of the day it has dropped to real lows – 19 and 20 over the last couple of nights. It is possible that with the amount of exercise that I am doing (which I do not plan to stop), my body is telling me that I just need more than the 900 calories per day that my full-fast program allots. When I am finished at the gym I will stop into the supermarket to pick up chicken breasts, lettuce, tomatoes, and onions. I will also make sure (before I go out) that I have the olive oil and balsamic vinegar to make sure I am not just eating a tasteless bowl of weeds with my chicken.

    Body Battery aside, there have been a few instances these last few days when I have stood up a little too fast and found myself a bit lightheaded. That might have to do with my low blood pressure (and resting heartrate that hovers around 50bpm), or it might be a simple caloric deficiency. It is not that I am falling over on a regular basis, but from time to time I do need to steady myself.

    Yesterday’s jog was 5km despite my lower than hoped for Body Battery. I pulled up at 5km, and then walked another 6.65km. With the exception of the 4th kilometre (which was into a strong wind and partly uphill) I did two kilometres in 7m10 and two in 7m10s, which means that if it was not for the windy fourth then I would have bested my previous best pace. As it stands, I still matched it. A job well done indeed!

    Jogging

    • Distance: 5.05km (10.1km)
    • Duration: 35:41 (1:13:18)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m15s (7m15s)
    • Steps: 5,712 (11,654)
    • Calories burned: 600 (1,300)
    • pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 160 (159)

    The forecast is calling for a chance of rain from 12-1pm today, but I had already decided to go to the gym so that will not be a real issue for me. I am going to head out shortly and will do my best to extend my steps-goal streak to fifteen days. I hope that I have an easier time on the treadmill than I did the last couple of outings; during my last outing I was listening to an audiobook by Mark Twain that I lost interest in, and the time before I had forgotten my ears completely. Yesterday I downloaded a new audiobook which I am already into, and midway through this sentence I made sure to put my earbuds into my pocket. As long as I remember to take my workout clothes, I am all ready for a great run on the treadmill. Afterwards I will go shopping, then come home to prepare my afternoon meal. I am ready for my class this evening, so if the weather cooperates, I might just sit on the balcony with a cigar.

    The countdown to the big day is now at six, and with one exception I think everything is taken care of. I am excited that I got notification this morning that my new shirts and jacket are out for delivery, and I am tempted to wait home for them; knowing they might show up at 5:30pm, I do not want to waste my day, especially knowing that in the worst-case scenario, they will be delivered tomorrow instead. I know that won’t happen, but I am thinking ahead. My dry-cleaned suit will be ready for pick-up after 5:00pm today, but my dry-cleaned shirts will not be ready until the same time tomorrow, and I see no good reason for me to make two trips… especially knowing that both are coming home and getting packed into the garment bag. My altered pants and vest will be available Wednesday afternoon, but that is not from the same place so two trips will be necessary anyways. Yes, I am extremely excited that everything seems to be planned properly, but that does not mean that I am not anxious that I have forgotten… something. I am sure that a week from today, after the dust has settled, I will be able to relax!

    I have procrastinated enough. It is time to get moving! Have a great day folks!

  • Day 459

    My clothes are in Canada. For the last few days (since I got the initial notification from the tailor on Wednesday) I have been tracking the progress of my custom clothes which I am really excited for. From the first notification from the shipping company, the predicted arrival date was to be Monday (tomorrow), and that has not changed. Since the day Leslie and I decided to get married next weekend, I have been hoping that they would arrive in time for me to take them with me. While the only piece that I will wear to the wedding is one of the shirts (I am wearing a suit), there are numerous other events and occasions, both in California and then in Dallas, for which I will want to dress up. I would have done fine with my older stuff, but I am happy that the new wardrobe will be available. Tomorrow they shall arrive!

    I was reminded yesterday of when, as a teenager, I finally got rechargeable batteries for my Walkman. It was exciting that after a minor investment I would no longer need to spend a fortune on batteries. I was surprised then to discover that, unlike alkaline batteries (which would start to lose power gradually, resulting in your music playing slower), the lithium batteries worked great… until they did not, and the music would go from full speed to nothing. I thought of it because in the morning my Body Battery measurement on my fitness watch was at 82, but by the time I got to the gym it had plummeted to 47. My treadmill running was cut off at 3km, although I did then walk another 2.65km to make sure I would reach my steps goal (thus extending my streak to 13 days). I came home and made myself a meal replacement, but then a couple of hours later (by which point the measurement was down even further to 19) I decided I needed food, and I made myself the last pieces of salmon I had in the freezer and a plate of rice. While my jogging is great for almost every aspect of my health and fitness, I see a direct correlation between the quality of sleep I get to the Body Battery, which as I have stated over the last few days is quite real.

    Before any of that, I took my son the younger for lunch at his standard Lone Star Texas Grill. I had the same fajita bowl as I usually do but opted instead of the chicken to try the steak on it. It costs a couple of dollars more, but the nutritional difference is negligible. Why not, right? It was quite tasty! I did have as many as ten tortilla chips, but I did not lose control on them which is a huge victory. My son was not at all in a talkative mood, so we essentially ate quietly. I was not offended – aside from him being on the spectrum, he also did not sleep well the previous night, and was visibly exhausted. I don’t mind being able to spend time with him though, whether or not he is chatty. I appreciate every moment we have, especially knowing that when I eventually move back down the USA it will be harder for us to spend time together.

    While I slept marginally better last night than the previous, it took me a long time to fall asleep, and what I got was not enough to really energize me for today. My Body Battery when I woke up was a mere 66 and has already dropped to a 61/100. I am hoping that I will be able to get a good jog in before I lose any motivation and energy. As I have done on the two days when I could not complete a 5km (or better) jog, if I find myself unable to continue then I will slow to a walk; whether I am running or walking, I will extend my steps goal streak to fourteen days today. Her Floofness wanted to go for her full tour of the park today, so I am already a quarter of the way there. While it is cloudy, the temperature is currently 8° and there is no rain in the forecast, so I am going to jog outdoors. I am not sure if running outdoors gives me more motivation to continue than I have at the gym, where I often find myself bored (especially if the audiobook I am listening to is not grabbing me). I suspect that has been the case of late, so when I am able to, I will stick to the streets. The forecast for the next few days is pretty stable, with rain predicted for Wednesday. I will still likely go to the gym tomorrow, if only to give the invoice for my new lock to the general manager. I don’t think I wrote about that, but the staff cut my (very expensive) lock off when another member mistook it for his own; thinking that the battery was dead (because his fingerprint was not accepted) he asked the staff to cut it open. The other member was at fault, which was compounded by his not telling anyone when he realized that it was not his locker. No matter, I bought a new lock, and the gym had better pay me for it.

    A buddy is coming over in the afternoon for a cigar, and it will be good to see him. He was supposed to come on Friday, but he was not feeling well. He is feeling better today, so that is our plans for the afternoon. I am only hoping that between now and then I am able to get my jog in and not collapse when I get home!

    My plan for today is to try to stay mindful. I have not done a great job of staying on the program the last week, and while I was doing fine yesterday, I do not think I would have made it through the evening without having the meal. A am glad despite all to be only .4 lb. up from yesterday, and 2.4 lbs. up from my best weight ever from last Friday. It should take only 2-3 days of faithfully sticking to the program for me to get back there, and hopefully by my next doctor’s appointment (Wednesday) I will be there. This morning’s weight on the bathroom scale is lower than it was the morning of my last appointment… but only marginally (about half a pound). If I can lose three pounds from now until Wednesday, then at least I can be nearly two kilograms down; if I can then maintain that until the next day then I will be able to fly to Dallas at my best weight ever. With all of that said, if I do not have the energy to make it through the day then I will not be a hero, and I will make myself a piece of chicken… or something.

    Okay, enough of this procrastinating. I am going to try to reach the bakery to pay for the wedding cake, and then I am going to suit up for my jog. It is hard to believe that the wedding is a week away!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 457

    I got back on track yesterday… mostly. I did have some peanuts after my workout. However, I ate them instead of my meal replacement. While I am still making excuses for myself, I did better yesterday than I did in five of the previous six days, and the results paid off. I stepped onto the bathroom scale to see a three-pound drop from yesterday. It was a relief to see my weight drop below 260 lbs. once again.

    As I mentioned, the weather yesterday was not conducive to running outside. I headed to the gym, where I had a frustrating experience. Another member mistook my biometric padlock for his own, and when his fingerprint would not open it, he assumed the battery had died, so he asked the staff to cut it open. When I got out of the shower to discover my lock was open (with my cell phone right there) I was appalled that I had neglected to lock it… but then, that is as unlike me as praying to Jesus would be. I got dressed, made sure that nothing was missing, and then went to the front desk to ask if anyone had turned in the lock. The staff told me what happened and were very apologetic. I want to smack the other member for not manning up and saying ‘Oops, this was not my lock… boy do I feel silly.’ But he did not, and so my locker was unsecured for however long I was gone. The world is filled with irresponsible pricks… here’s one more.

    I did take the opportunity to recalibrate my fitness walk on the treadmill. I would have thought the first time would have been enough, but over my last couple of runs I realized the discrepancy between the treadmill and the tracker over a 5km jog was almost 10%, so I made sure to jog exactly 3.11 miles (5km) so that I could calibrate it properly. I felt great and might have kept going, but I knew I had a lot of things to take care of in the afternoon, so I stopped there.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 5.00km (10.08km)
    • Duration: 38:30 (1:18:17)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m41 (7m46s)
    • Steps: 5,900 (12,150)
    • Calories burned: 525 (1,200)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (155)

    Wedding planning update: I spent the afternoon on the phone (or playing phone tag with) the bakery for the cake, the synagogue director for the logistics and catering, and the hotel VP of sales for the suite. If this sounds like it is just three simple phone calls then you have never planned and organized a wedding, and you have definitely never done it for a wedding that is being held 4,000 kilometres away. By the time all of that was taken care of, my mind was more than a little frazzled, and I was glad the weather was nice enough to sit outside with a cigar. We were not yet done of course… Leslie and I still had our meeting with the rabbi yesterday evening, which was delayed for unavoidable reasons, and which prevented me from getting to Taekwondo class as I had hoped. Following that call (which some might consider exciting, while others will see it as a trigger for extreme anxiety and panic) I realized I had a few more calls that I needed to make, including calling a buddy to act as photographer. I also had to make decisions about who to give certain honorifics to, and then call them to make sure they were willing. Yes, this is an exciting event… but never tell me that there is not a lot of work that goes into it!

    My plan for today is to stay the course. I am going to jog outside today as the temperatures are going up (it is currently 8° and cloudy and going up to 20° by mid-afternoon). My Body Battery is currently reporting at 90/100 which is down from the incredible 98 when I woke up but is still higher than I have ever seen it. I mentioned in the last few days that while I had not thought anything of this measurement at first, when I had zero energy to continue running last week, I realized that it was real. I confirmed that this morning when I was out with Her Royal Floofness; she wanted to stop and smell the roses (really the grass), and I wanted to run! She won out of course… her walk, her rules. When I am finished with this article I will suit up and go out, at which point it will be my jog, my rules! I feel like I might get a 10km run in, but I am just happy to be able to get out and go… for the twelfth day in a row, which extends my record steps-goal streak which I set yesterday. Woohoo!

    I am teaching this afternoon so when I get home I will remember to shave after I shower. I know I need it when my wife notices that I haven’t shaved in a couple of days. At 2:00pm I have a couple of friends coming over for a cigar, and it will be nice to see them both. Of course, I have seen both of them in the last week, but I always appreciate being able to spend time with my friends. How exciting is it that a week from today Leslie and I will be sitting with some of my California friends in the afternoon?

    While I am thrilled that I dropped slightly more than three pounds from yesterday, my weight this morning is still just under five pounds up from my best weight ever which I recorded a week ago. I would love to be able to stay on track for the next week and lose that weight so that I can land in Dallas at my new best weight, but as long as I do my best then I will be satisfied with that. Leslie and I had a long chat last night about my cheating, and how she can help me… and when she should be worried. It gave me a lot to think about. I think the most important thing is for me to meet my daily goals – when I say in the morning that this is what I want to do today then I should do my best to do that. Almost every day for the last week I have said I am going to stay on my full-fast program, and then promptly fell off it… even if just a little. My goal for today is to not do that. Stay true to the program and see another weight loss tomorrow morning. I do not know at this point if it is even possible for me to achieve my previously stated short-term goal of dropping below 250 lbs. before our wedding, but I am going to do my absolute best to get as close to that as possible. How? Mindfulness and focus.

    Have a great day folks, and Shabbat Shalom!

  • Day 456

    Falling off the wagon can hurt a lot worse than it has these last few days. It is time to admit though that if I did not quite fall off, then I have not exactly been steadily on the wagon either. I cheated (some wrong foods, but all wrong portions) Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The only bright light is that I have still remained active. I jogged all of those days except yesterday, and even yesterday I got in my steps. I slipped for sure, and it sucks that I am more than five pounds heavier than I was Friday morning. Had I not jogged (or walked) it would have been much worse.

    You know something, that is not entirely true. Another reason I did not fall of worse is because I have stayed mostly mindful, even in my cheating. Yes, my portion sizes of chicken and salmon were too damned big… but they were still healthy proteins, no sauces. Yes, I bought a couple of bags of mini crisps which are bad for my weight loss… but I did not buy the Ruffles potato chips that would have been much worse (not to mention also come in much larger bags, which would have been just as empty when I was done with them). Over these few days I have bought both peanuts and almonds from Bulk Barn… but they have been very reasonable quantities each time. My second worst cheat was yesterday when I found a bag of almonds in my pantry yesterday (which should not have been there) which I opened and finished… again, it was a terrible cheat, but they were finished by 5:30pm, and I skipped two meal replacements in the evening to counterbalance that. Frankly, my worst cheat (and the one that bit me hardest) was the smoked turkey drumstick that I bought and devoured Tuesday. Had it been roasted turkey then the only problem would have been the portion size (which could easily have been three meals). According to sources, the 27g of fat also has 2,800mg of sodium.

    My goal for today is to get back onto the wagon. I plan to head for the gym around 11:45 for a good run on the treadmill. My gym is only a few blocks from the train station, where I have to pick up my cleaning lady at 2pm, and if I time things right then I don’t have to make the round trip twice. On my way there I will drop some shirts off at the dry cleaners, which I should have done yesterday had I thought of it. Yes, my new shirts are due to arrive on Monday, but that does not mean my old shirts are going in the garbage. As long as I do not make any pit stops to buy snacks along the way, I will be fine. Unfortunately, the gym is two blocks from Bulk Barn, my dry cleaner is attached to Fortino’s, and the cleaning lady and I need to hop into Wal-Mart to pick up some supplies. I suppose it will be a good test of my willpower.

    This evening, Leslie and I are sitting down (virtually) with the Rabbi to go over the details of our wedding. While it is exciting, it is also stressful. I also have to make a number of calls today and tomorrow about the logistics; If it were not for the time zone differential it would be slightly less stressful for me, but there it is. I am extremely excited about the wedding, and this morning I went downstairs to my storage locker to bring up my garment bag suitcase; While my regular suitcase has a compartment for hanging shirts and a suit, I have long suspected that for this trip I would be better suited (no pun intended) with the luggage designed for that purpose.

    Leslie made a great point this morning… I need special fun socks for the wedding! We went through some options online and picked out the perfect pair. One more job that I had almost neglected is now done!

    My plan for today is to get through it without any cheats. I will hit the treadmill at the gym, followed by a hydro massage and then shower, sauna, shower. My cleaning lady will be here in the afternoon, and while she is here, I will make some of my calls about the logistics. If the weather cooperates, I might also have a cigar on the balcony while she is here. Following the call with the rabbi, I will head to Taekwondo, where I will likely take it easy because of my elbow, which is still in a lot of pain (although much less so for the Aspirin). If I can get all of this done, plus my errands, then I know that when I step onto the bathroom scale tomorrow morning, I will weigh less than I did today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 454

    Today is Yom HaShoah. It is the day every year that Jews set aside to remember the Holocaust. Perhaps it would be more accurate to write commemorate, as for most of us – at least those of my generation – seldom does a day pass when we do not remember it. There are reminders everywhere if you know what to look for. If that makes it sound like we are all wallowing in misery, let me clarify; it is vital that we remember because if we do not, and if we do not teach our children about it, then it is bound to happen again. I have stories that I will not share here of encounters with survivors. I remember meeting them as a child, as a soldier. So many encounters with so many incredible people who, when I was lucky enough, would share their stories with me. More than one of those stories changed my life. It has been seventy-eight years since the camps were liberated; the survivors who are still with us are octogenarians (and nonagenarians). They have seen so much, but one day they will all be gone, and it will be my generation’s responsibility to continue to share their stories. We must never forget.

    Sometimes you fall off the wagon, and getting back on track is painful and grueling. I spent three days off my program (although still jogging), and I was determined to get back onto it yesterday. As I said I would, I walked the kilometre to the post office to ship my package. I also bought a bundle of pocket tissues because it was raining, and I could already feel my nose dripping. As I walked out of the pharmacy, I started my run. I honestly did not know how far I would be able to go and did not set out with any particular course in mind. I wanted to extend my current streak of hitting my steps goal, and the fact that it was raining a little would not stop me. That I felt a weird and nagging ache in my hip would not stop me, as long as I stayed true to my self-promise that I would listen to my body. I had almost arrived at Guelph Line, but rather than crossing the shopping centre parking lot and then the thoroughfare, I turned down onto the walking/biking path (which would take me to that same street in a few moments anyways). I crossed Guelph Line, staying with the off-road paved path. I knew there were several streets onto which I could turn up when I realized I was running out of steam. I was not entirely sure where the path ultimately led, but I was sure I would not find out on this outing.

    Something strange happened on my run yesterday. I have jogged over 5km something like 30 times in the last couple of months, whether on the streets or treadmill. Every time I do, I pull up for a break for just a minute or two every couple of kilometres, sometimes every kilometre. At a certain point I realized the walking/biking path was coming to an end. I saw Costco in the distance, and tried to reconcile where exactly that was. Oh, right… North Service Road near the corner of Brant Street, which means the path had curved down a bit. Okay, should I stop? No, not yet. It’s still raining a bit… maybe I’ll pop into a store and get dry for a moment? I know I don’t have my Costco membership card with me, and anyways if I turn up Brant then maybe I will stop into one of the stores at the corner of Mount Royal. What happens if I stop, and my hip locks up? I would have to take an Uber home, and that is not what I want to do. Maybe I’ll just keep going for another kilometre. We’ll see.

    The only time I paused my trackers during the entire outing yesterday was when I was stopped at a red light at the corner of Guelph Line (on the return trip). I peaked down and I was 7.5km into my run. I was stopped for fifteen seconds. I realized at a certain point that it might have been my first jog over 5km during which I did not stop to rest. If I can keep that up, then who knows? Maybe there is hope for me yet!

    Jogging

    • Distance: 10.08km (5.18km)
    • Duration: 1:18:17 (39:58)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m46s (7m43s)
    • Steps: 12,150 (6,120)
    • Calories burned: 1,200 (600)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (153)

    I should also note that my per-kilometre pace was below 8m0s for every kilometre except one; for reasons likely pertaining to wind and elevation, the seventh kilometre was clocked at 8m03s.

    Where does this leave me in my challenges? When I checked yesterday after coming in I was ranked 22,154 (of 144,259 participants), in the top 15.36%. Oddly enough, in my age and gender bracket I am not even cracking the top 25%… I stand 3,395 of 13,167 participants, only good for the top 25.78%. I do not know who the leaders are, but the leader is averaging nearly 40km per day, which leads me to believe that something might be rotten in the state of Denmark. I honestly don’t care though… If I complete the challenge then I am equally eligible for the prizes as he is, as they are drawn at random from everyone who completed the challenge.

    I have to admit, between the killer jog, my staying true to the program (for the first time since Thursday), and a really good bowel movement this morning, I was a bit disappointed that the numbers on the bathroom scale did not drop a little more than they did. .2 lb. is really just a statistical blip. No matter, it will come… I just have to prove to my body that I am serious about not cheating. My only aberration from the program yesterday was a cup of Japanese milk tea, which I needed because my throat would not have made it through the last hour of my lecture last night.

    We always say that if you don’t like the weather in Canada, just wait a few minutes. As Her Floofness and I walked this morning in the near-freezing temperatures, more than one fellow fur-parent expressed their shock at the drop in temperature. I reminded them that last week was the anomaly, and that this is the norm for mid-April. That does not change the fact that all of us long for a speedy return to the high-20s, but that is not normal for this time of year. With a high temperature forecast as a windy 5°, I decided early that today will be a day to work out in shorts and a t-shirt… at the gym, followed by a hydro massage and a stint in the sauna. After all, what am I paying them for if I am not going to use the facilities, right?

    I cannot lollygag around on the computer for a few hours before finally changing into my workout kit today as I did yesterday. I have to be at my therapist’s office in Oakville for 1:30pm, which means that I will try to remember to bring my meal replacement with me to the gym so that I do not face the same quandary I did three weeks ago when I scrambled to pick up peanuts in my mad dash from the gym to the therapist and then to my barber. If I get to the gym by 10:30am then I should be able to get through a leisurely workout and then post-workout routine in time to leave and drive unrushed to her office. My buddy Eduardo might be coming over for a cigar later, which will be nice despite the unpleasant weather. We have not seen each other in a few weeks, and he just returned from Cuba with some goodies for me. I am unsure of what he brought, but if there is a box worthy of the occasion, I am still undecided on which cigars to hand out to guests at the wedding. He might just have the answer for me when he comes over this afternoon!

    This evening I will be in the dojang. I am so happy to be back at Taekwondo and wish that I had the freedom to do it more than twice per week. We must always be patient, especially when we are studying an art in which the mental aspect of patience and calm are so important. I also know that in mid-May I am starting a new teaching contract that will have me teaching the two evenings when I am usually able to go to the dojang, and that will continue through mid-July. I will be speaking with the Master to ask him if there might be some accommodation that can be made for me to train outside the hours of the adult/Black Belt classes… after all, I should not need anything other than the gym. If that is not possible, then I could also use one of the studios at my gym for the same purpose – after all, didn’t I write just two paragraphs ago that I should be using the facilities as long as I am paying for them? Maybe I will speak with the gym manager today to ask if that would be alright. I cannot imagine it would be an issue.

    I found out this morning that a close friend is in the hospital, and I am worried. I spoke with his wife, and she assured me that it was not a heart attack, but the doctors still need to run some more tests to figure out what is going on. In the meantime, my buddy is nearly thirteen years my junior, but I have thought on several occasions that he is working himself into an early grave. I have one more person to pray for today. Four, actually… I will pray for his wife and my godchildren as well (although I always do, but not with the specificity I will today). This is just one more reason why I am glad that I am getting myself into better shape and taking care of my health. I do not want Leslie to have to call an ambulance for me because I am on the floor clutching my chest.

    Okay, it is time to get moving. Today will be my second day true to the program, although if I need to grab something, it will be a very small handful of nuts. With a morning workout and an evening Taekwondo class I would not begrudge myself that if it is needed. Tomorrow through Friday I might be able to jog outside, although Friday through Sunday they are predicting rain. We’ll see. Today is a gym day for sure.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 453

    I am not sure why I was unable to stay on my program for the last three days. I am just glad that my dedication to staying active, to jogging and when I can’t jog anymore then to walking, has stopped me gaining more weight than I did. Despite falling off my program these last three days, I am still just over 3 lbs. up from my best weight ever (recorded Friday). Knowing what I ate Friday and Saturday and Sunday, it would have been much worse had I cheated and not stayed active.

    I wrote yesterday about my streaks, and sure enough I was able to continue to creep toward my best ever walking streak, which was a 10-day period that I spent in Havana leading up to the pandemic. Yesterday was my seventh day meeting my steps target (which Garmin has set at 8,560 steps per day), and I plan to keep going all week. The thing is, when I set that streak in 2020, Garmin had my step goal set much lower (under 5,000 steps per day). I know that while I need three more days to tie and then break that personal record according to the app, I have already crushed it, with just over 115,500 steps in that seven-day period. The Garmin app does acknowledge that last week is in fact my record for most steps in a week since I have been using it (dating to September 24, 2019). My most steps in a month was in July 2020 when I was living in California and doing a lot of walking, both with my dog and for exercise. As of this writing I am seventeen days into the month of April and I am not quite halfway there… but if you take into account that I spent a week in Dallas not exercising, I am not doing too bad. I would have to average slightly over 14,000 steps per day every day until the end of the month to beat that record. Considering my daily average over the last week is 16,400, I have a pretty good chance of hitting it… as long as I stay on track! (I should also remember that the last three days of the month I will be traveling with Leslie, culminating in our wedding on April 30! If it comes down to the wire, I will probably miss it by a few steps. Those three days I will have much more important things to worry about than my steps goals.)

    While I did not end up keeping my pledge to myself yesterday to get back on track on my full-fast program, I did jog. After Saturday’s record-breaking outing I decided I needed to take it easy yesterday, so just shy of 5.2km I pulled up and walked the rest of the way. I was happy to hit that, and with the 2.35km walk that followed, I still got 7.5km in before hitting the showers.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 5.18km (15.01km)
    • Duration: 39:58 (1:59:05)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m43s (7m56s)
    • Steps: 6,120 (17,850)
    • Calories burned: 600 (1,850)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (150)

    I have mentioned a few times that I am using some of the challenges (both on Garmin and on MapMyFitness.com) to inspire me to push myself. On the 1,023 in 2023 challenge on MapMyFitness I am poised to crack the top 16% of participants today. That challenge gives interim badges, with my next one (400km) less than 60km away. I really feel that I am doing well, although I am also motivated by the tremendous weight loss I have enjoyed, and the great shape my legs are in!

    There are quite a few more challenges on the Garmin app than on MMF. Some of these are simply automated challenges from Garmin, which awards points and badges for each one achieved. Others are challenges created by other members who challenge each other, and we use them to either motivate themselves or others, or else they like to compete and look good. I never expect to win the challenges versus others, but there are occasionally good conversations in the groups. As such, I posted the following in one of them this morning:

    Well, I’ll not be competing to win this challenge, but I do not consider myself in competition with anyone but myself. My ‘Most Steps in a Day’ was October 1 when my wife and I took our stepson to Disneyland. My most steps in a month was in July, 2020… the last time I was really on a good weight-loss journey. My most steps in a week was the week that ended yesterday, and I plan to break that record this week. Thanks for the motivation, folks! I don’t care that I sit in 45th place… I want to be the #1 me that I can be!

    When I see people in these challenges logging 200,000 steps in a week, I know that I am not nearly able to compete with that, but they do motivate me to do better sometimes. There is one weekly steps challenge that I participated in for the week that ended last night, and while I was 22nd overall, it is nice to know that fewer than 10,000 steps separated me from 16th place… and that 75 people finished behind me. While there is so often too much chatter in some of these challenges, and I will leave the ones that are too disturbing (my watch vibrates with every message), I still enjoy the ones that I am in… even though I seldom win.

    I will mention that my list of accomplishment badges keeps improving, with nearly seventy badges already earned – six for running, five for steps, twenty for challenges. They really mean nothing outside of the Garmin Connect world, but when I see that one is within my reach I will push myself a little harder to earn it… such as the 100k steps badge for the first two weeks of April, my 15km run activity for April, and my 300k steps in March badge (which was earned by pushing myself just a little bit harder on March 31). They mean nothing after they are earned, but they mean a lot when they get me to push myself just that little bit harder.

    I made a decision to have my suit altered, so I made an appointment for Wednesday afternoon (knowing I need it back by the following Wednesday). I want to look perfect in our wedding pictures, and I do not think that having my belt so tight as to cut off circulation in order for my pants to not fall down is quite the look I am going for… nor the creased beltline of the pants that causes.

    I have done a bit of lollygagging this morning as I tried to get through this article, but it is time for me to publish and get going. My plan for the day is to stay on track! I have a package that I have to ship today, so when I am finished, I will change into my running kit, take the box and walk to the post office (which is actually in the pharmacy), and when I am done there then I will jog for an hour or so. When I get home, I will vow to stay on track. I have a few calls I have to make about the wedding today. After that, I am teaching this evening, but if all goes well, I should still have time for a cigar on the balcony before I teach.

    The weather has turned, and while it is not hard, it looks like I will be jogging in a light rain. I thought briefly about going to the gym instead, but then I remembered that I am a hearty Canadian with the right gear and the right attitude. I will have my meal replacement after my shower, which I know will be a bit late, but will not be the end of the world. In the meantime, I will get out there and I will get my 10,000 steps in… whatever the weather.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 449

    I cheated again yesterday. After a 5km jog I came home, showered, and headed out to my dentist appointment. As I was preparing to leave, I noticed it was 12:45pm, so I still had thirty minutes before I would be ready for my second meal replacement of the day. What I did not take into consideration is that I would likely not be home before 3:00pm. I bought a handful of peanuts at Bulk Barn to tide me over. Aside from that, I was true to the program; I was hungry in the afternoon (despite the handful of peanuts and my (late) midday meal replacement), but instead of eating more, I sat outside with a cigar. There are a lot of temptations in this world, and it would be so easy for me to just walk to the corner to pick up a snack. I am staying the course because I am on a mission to be slim!

    My intention from the outset was to take it easier than I have been these last couple of days. I had a short timeframe in which to run, and I did not want to be late for my dentist appointment. As well, I woke up with jelly legs yesterday morning. I know that I can only push myself so hard before I risk hurting myself, and I do not want that. I felt that a 5km run would do just fine… and I stopped off at the pharmacy to pick up my prescription.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 502km (12.02km)
    • Duration: 39:00 (1:36:17)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m45s (8m00s)
    • Steps: 6,100 (14,350)
    • Calories burned: 653 (1,534)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 156 (149)

    I admit I am a bit relieved that my doctor told me that I can continue on the full program for a couple more months. I suspect that if I had to, I could start eating proper foods again, and still lose weight gradually. I think I have learned the lessons I need to learn, and bags of chips on airplanes notwithstanding, I think that for the first time in my life I now have the skills to diet. With that said, I would love to get as close to my next few goals as possible before returning to that path. I suspect that the next few months will look like this:

    • I will stay on the full-fast for the next two weeks until I fly to Dallas. I will go off the program almost entirely for the first half of my trip, which will include one day in Dallas and four days in California, during which Leslie and I are celebrating our Jewish wedding together… not a good time to be dieting. If I can drop to 245 lbs. by April 27, I will be quite thrilled. Anything below 250 lbs. will still be a success.
    • Upon my return to Canada (Sunday, May 7) I will resume the full-fast program the following morning and will stay true to it throughout the month of May.
    • That first week that I am back in Canada I will drive into Scarborough one last time to pick up one last case of the meal replacements.
    • Starting the beginning of June, I will begin my transition off the program and onto regular (but mindful) foods. Throughout the month of June, I will follow a partial program. I should mention that there is a good chance that my wife will be visiting me in Canada some time that month, which would be a very good time to not be on the full-fast program anyways.
    • It is my hope that on or around July 1st, I will be off the program. I might, if I have meal replacements left, continue to use them for breakfast. However, by my birthday I would like to be completely done with the program. (Leslie and I discussed today that it might be nice to spend my birthday with her in Dallas, and I am giving serious thought to that)

    How much will I weigh by then? I don’t know. July 1 is a little over 2.5 months from now, and it would not be unheard of for me to lose nearly thirty pounds in that time… especially if I keep up my jogging. As of this morning, I am about 23 lbs. from dropping out of Obesity Class I and into the Overweight classification. If I can accomplish that by then, I will be declaring victory. That is not to say that I will not try to continue losing weight and getting back into shape, but once I am there, then I will not be using meal replacements, only traditional healthy eating.

    Today is the third day in a row without a successful bowel movement, at least in the morning. I am hoping that at some point during the day I will finally feel the need. In the meantime, I was thrilled to see that while I am still just shy of my best weight ever from Day 436, the bathroom scale reported my weight at my previous best weight ever this morning. It took me ten days to gain nine pounds; it has taken only four days to shed 8.8 pounds. As I discussed with Leslie yesterday, I truly feel that had I eaten exactly as I had eaten in Dallas but had not completely stopped jogging, then I would not have gained nearly as much as I did. Lesson learned. Whether it will be 5km or 15km, we agree that I should try to jog daily going forward, especially when I do start the transition off of the program. In the meantime, while it is unlikely that I will maintain this rate of loss, if I were to lose 3.5 lbs. per week, by my birthday I would weigh just under 214 lbs.… a number that I am reasonably certain I did not weigh even in the Army. It is important to realize that I was a lot more muscular then than I am now, and I doubt I would ever be that buff again. In fact, I am not even trying for buff… I am trying for slim.

    Today is Thursday, and if I stay focused and mindful, and if I get in a good jog, then there is a very good chance that tomorrow morning I will achieve a new best weight ever. As the Hebrew folk song says, if it is not tomorrow, then the following day. Trust me, it is more melodic in Hebrew. You can listen to it at this link if you feel like it.

    I have some important phone calls to make today, and I also have to finish putting together my slides and script for tomorrow’s webinar on cybersecurity threat detection. As much as I was looking forward to my session last week, this week’s session does not hold the same allure for me. No matter, it has to get done. I have a focus group at 1:00pm which I need to attend, and later in the afternoon a buddy is tentatively coming over to smoke cigars. It will be nice to see him – it has been too long. If all goes well, the first part of the evening I will be at Taekwondo, followed by another lovely cigar date with my wife. We are now two weeks from my next trip down there, and we are both eager… and it is nice that this time we do not have to wait quite so long between visits. Admittedly, the wait between the end of my previous visit and the last one was shorter, but that was an unplanned and unexpected bonus. This time, when she and her son dropped me at the airport on Sunday, we knew that the goodbye was for fewer than twenty days. It is easier than some of our partings have been, especially the ones when we did not know how long it would be… or when we knew it was 6-8 weeks.

    My plan for the day is to stay the course. I have been doing so well, and with my doctor’s blessing yesterday I see no reason to change anything. I will try to avoid the need to stop off for peanuts today (as I have done now two days in a row), but if I do need to snack then I will do so mindfully (as I did yesterday, with my total bill from Bulk Bark coming to $0.83, taxes included). When I finish this journal entry, I will go for a jog. Once again, I am not going to try to push myself too hard or too far, but I will probably shoot for 8-10km. —

    My hopes were answered! When I finished writing that last paragraph, I was able to move my bowels, and am feeling much better for it. I will not step back onto the scale, but it might have made a difference. That difference will wait for tomorrow morning’s daily encounter with the bathroom scale! In the meantime, my previous thoughts about taking fibre can be shelved for the time being.

    Okay, let’s get moving. Today will be a busy day; following a couple of phone calls, it will start with a jog, then a few hours of work.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 447

    I am not sure why I was not able to jog farther than I did yesterday. I pulled up at a little over 5.5km, opting to powerwalk the rest of the way. The two workouts combined for 12.9km, respectable by any measure. I just do not know why I stopped running. My legs were not bothering me, nor were my lungs. There was just an overall feeling of… something. While the walking did not break any records for me, it was certainly much faster paced than it had been since I started jogging, with my last complete kilometre clocking at 9m16s, which is not too shabby! My jogging pace was quite respectable as well, with three of my 5.6km clocked at 7.16s or faster. This morning I will hit the trails once more and see how much farther I can jog than I did yesterday. I might try to run the same path, only hopefully I will get farther before slowing my pace.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 5.6km (4.09km)
    • Duration: 41:34 (34:22)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m25s (8m24s)
    • Steps: 6,435 (5,200)
    • Calories burned: 576 (450)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (151)

    Walking

    • Distance: 7.3km
    • Duration: 1:11:06
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 9m44s
    • Steps: 9,950
    • Calories burned: 689
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 140

    Leslie and I had a conversation about my running shoes last week. Most experts say that running shoes have a life expectancy, and a quick glance at the studies online shows me that most of my shoes are ready to be retired. There is one pair that is an exception to that, but most of my running shoes are approaching what looks like their golden years. That is before we even consider the fact that every pair of running shoes that I own knew my feet when I was well over 300 lbs., which would be a big factor in further reducing the life expectancy of them. All this to say that I think it is about time I look into ordering a new pair or two… especially if I am going to do a lot of running over the spring and summer.

    I have to drive into Toronto this afternoon for a meeting, which will be a bit of a schmooze-fest, but it is with someone who knows a lot of people in my industry and is going to try to get me interviews with a few companies. Knowing my current situation, I am not sure how I feel about taking a job in Canada… but contracts are always good, and it never hurts to know more people. This person was introduced to me by a former colleague who I respect, and who respects me; he would not knowingly be wasting my time. The only complication with that is the driving to and from the city… mostly from, based on the timing. I will likely stay put until the worst of the rush hour traffic is past, and then drive back to Burlington. To be safe, I will take my Taekwondo kit with me, because I would really like to get to class this evening.

    Okay, so I ran yesterday… and I walked. I also got back on the full-fast program and did not have any issues on that front. I did notice I was a little peckish as I lay in bed, but I am sure that was more mental than physical; I did not lie awake with hunger pangs; it was more of a quick ‘I think I’m a bit hungry’ as I spoke with Leslie… who reminded me that I was probably not hungry at all. She was right! I told her during our conversation that I was expecting my weight to drop dramatically from yesterday (when it rose dramatically). She reminded me that I had been off my program for ten days, and I should not expect to lose it all in one day. I assured her that I expected it would take at least a week to shed all the weight I had gained. After all, I was a whopping nine pounds heavier than my best weight (March 31, eleven days ago). The bathroom scale was very kind to me this morning, giving me back an incredible four pounds of progress, and dropping me, once again, below that dreaded 260 lbs. mark. While I am still five pounds from my best weight ever, I am only three pounds heavier than I was the morning I flew to Dallas eleven days ago… which was the morning after I had a pretty big cheat meal because of the scare with my bowels. I am feeling good, and while my hemorrhoids are still bothering me, the other bowel issues (which came with stomach cramps) seem to be gone. Nonetheless, I will still be speaking with my doctor about the issues tomorrow, and we will discuss if it is safe for me to continue on the full fast program… at least for another six weeks or so.

    Another issue I plan to discuss with my doctor tomorrow is my ADHD medications. The first couple of months on them I felt like a new man, with a renewed energy and focus, while being able to sit still without interrupting people all the time. These last few weeks – possibly since the last dosage increase – I have not felt quite so focused; at first, I thought it was just me, but when Leslie asked about it, I realized that it is real, and that I had better speak with the doctor. That meeting is tomorrow morning, which works out perfectly because tomorrow I will take the last pill in my previous prescription. I had called the pharmacy to renew, but if I do not collect the pills, and I get a new prescription from my doctor tomorrow, then they will simply cancel the old one and give me the new dosage… or new medication, as the case may be. That is not a subject that I am expert in and will listen to what the doctor has to say about it.

    Over the next two hours the temperatures should be jumping from the current 8° to 14° at 10:00am and peaking at 19° from 2-6pm. It is partly cloudy out, and while there was a bit of a breeze as I walked Her Floofness this morning, it was no worse than that. From 2:00pm the forecast calls for high winds, which seem to die down by 7:00pm. It looks like if all goes well, by the time I get home from Taekwondo this evening, the weather will be perfect to enjoy a cigar on the balcony. I finished my book yesterday afternoon, which means I should be giving some thought to my next read. I think I am going to continue with the current trend – I am listening to an audiobook that is fiction and will look for something in non-fiction to read on my e-book reader. An old friend of mine has written several books on cybersecurity, including one on the Dark Web that I have been meaning to read for a couple of years. <ten minutes later> I just reached out to him to ask if he thinks it is still relevant. Hopefully I will get an answer before it is time to read!

    My plans for today, with regard to my weight management program, are to stay on track and stay mindful. I will be going for my jog around 10:00am, after which I will come home, shower, answer any e-mails I may get, and then have my second meal replacement before heading out to Toronto. I will be taking my third meal replacement with me so that I can have it in the car before Taekwondo and will then have my fourth shake after Taekwondo (and before my cigar, should I be able to enjoy one). Staying on track and staying mindful are the best way to guarantee that I get back on track this week. I know that unless I have another tremendous weight drop tomorrow, I will not have lost weight between doctors’ visits for the first time since January. It’s okay though. I made the conscious decision to go off the program for good reason, and I stand by it. The fact that it coincided with a week of not being able to exercise did hurt a little, but I am back on track, and the weight will continue to come off. Mindfulness and focus are how I will ultimately succeed.

    Have a great day folks!