Losing a part of me

Category: Plans

  • Day 597

    I had a feeling last night that I was not going to break the 250 lbs. milestone today. In fact I told Leslie that I was pretty sure I was going to lose ground… that somehow, I was going to gain weight this morning. Whether that was because of the timing of my meal replacements or whatever else it might have been, I had a bad feeling. I was right. I stepped onto the bathroom scale and was up nearly half a pound. Sigh. Weight loss can be a frustrating endeavour sometimes.

    Look, I know that I have not been nearly so regimented throughout as I might have been. I know that had I not faltered, cheated, fallen off, taken breaks, and so on… well, it would not have taken me so long to lose what I have. I just see the day – Day Five Hundred and Ninety-Seven. I want to achieve that next major milestone – under Two Hundred and Fifty Pounds – before Day Six Hundred. That gives me three more days to do it, and I am going to do everything that I can to do it. What does that consist of? Frankly, there is nothing I can do that I have not already been doing. I will make sure I get good exercise outings in today and tomorrow because I know that this coming week that will not be possible. I will continue to not cheat on the program. I am going to try to sleep well and live healthy, and hopefully in the next two or three days I will reach it.

    For those of you who think that once I hit this milestone I might slack off, you should know one more thing. At 250 lbs. I have lost One Hundred and Forty-Five Pounds. That is absolutely a lot of weight. That leaves me exactly five pounds from my next major milestone… a 150 lbs loss. It will take a bit longer of course. My hope is to be able to reach that one before I get on the plane next Tuesday, which gives me ten days to lose 5.4 lbs…. which is not unreasonable, although it is also not a certain lock. It would be nice!

    I killed it on the trails yesterday. Okay, most of my jog/walk was not done on trails but on streets. Wherever it was I think I did very well. I jogged the first two kilometres (which I had not been able to do the last few times) which is already a good start… but then for the next five kilometres walking I would jog the first 100-150 metres of each kilometre. All in all I think I did really well. Additionally I stopped into Fortino’s again, and once again I did not veer from my path. I bought a large bottle of water and mixed it with Gatorade Zero powder. I also needed some provisions – I ventured into the store and bought shampoo, conditioner and dish soap – which forced me to walk through those ever so tempting sections and past those oh so delicious snacks. I bought nothing other than my hair products and the dish soap, and not one peanut more. This despite knowing that in the evening we would welcome in the Sabbath, and that it would be so easy to buy a challah to bless. I walked into the store, I bought what I needed, and then I went to the tables adjacent the prepared food section where I prepared and enjoyed my Gatorade. I consider that a huge win.

    If you read my article yesterday and are wondering why I substituted my planned visit with a friend with a 13.2km jog/walk, then let me tell you that it was a fortuitous call from my buddy that allowed the change. He told me right after I posted the article that he had to cancel our meeting because his minor medical procedure, which would have had him home by 11:00am, was postponed to the mid-afternoon because… it doesn’t matter why, it just was. That freed up several hours of my day to be able to not only have two relaxing video dates with my wife (one mid-morning, one in the evening) but also to go out for some exercise. Of course, I was hoping that the extra push would be just what I needed to get me through that 250 lbs. milestone, but apparently not. No, I will need to wait another day or two or three for that. Grrrr.

    I have a few hours of prep work to do today and tomorrow for the class that I am delivering this week, so my plan is to stay close to home today. Tomorrow I am taking my son (the younger) for lunch which will be yet another challenge to face and to overcome. I have not veered from my program in ten days, and I would like to keep that streak going until the day I leave for California. At the very least I want to keep it going until I not only pass that heretofore never passed milestone, but I want to pass it with enough leeway that I would not be in danger of losing ground and popping above 250 lbs. because of one errant day.

    Of course I will not work too hard today; I will make sure to take time to remember the Sabbath, and I will relax with a cigar or two. If the weather holds up I might even head out for a walk/jog this afternoon.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 596

    As of this morning I am once again at my best weight ever. It is a tie – I did not break it yet, but I have officially recovered from the terrible slide that began right at the end of May. This morning the bathroom scale reported that I weigh exactly what I weighed the morning of May 27th… after which is all went downhill. On July 11 I weighed just under 25 lbs. heavier than I did… and than I do. What do I do now? I make sure to keep going. Like any good addict I will not say that I will never cheat; I will say that I am not going to cheat today.

    I did not exercise yesterday because of my class, after which I was so exhausted, I could hardly believe it. I also really felt like cheating. I spent an hour sitting at the kitchen table chewing gum and watching TV for an hour before I got hold of myself and called Leslie. We had a wonderful video date during which she could not help but notice how tired I was. I suppose we all have days like that, don’t we?

    My diet buddy and I had our check-in call last night. It is always good to talk with her and to remember that we have come so far. We help each other with a lot of the psychological issues that we face; last night we discussed how it is likely that we will spend the rest of our lives being offended by things people say… and traumatized by things people have said to us as far back as high school. I am really looking forward to not being overweight, but I will always have a fat man inside me who is ashamed of it… even now, knowing I am not usually the most overweight person in the room.

    I wore my dress pants around my hips yesterday and they fit fine. I am so happy about that, not only because it means that I do not need to spend the extra money on pants when I go to the clothiers next month, but also because it means that I am actually able to use my hips! I did not mention that the previous day I had worn my jogging belt above my hips, and it fit just fine… although the bottle that I brought was not very comfortable in it. I ordered two new ones which arrived yesterday, and I will take them out for a spin later today. Yet another non-scale victory that I can be proud of!

    I have given a lot of thought recently to eating disorders. I do not know when mine developed, although I suppose there are a lot of signs that could point me in the right direction. I am a food addict. Is it healthy? No. Is it something I can overcome? I have been working so hard these last 596 days to do so… and several years before that. What of people with other eating disorders? What about someone who gains weight because of a combination of psychological trauma and medication, who finally finds a program that might work for them, and is then afraid that if they veer from the program even a little that they will be a failure? I have spoken with so many people who have done this program over the past few years and I know people who have real psychological traumas that might make such an extreme program a bad idea. I did not fully understand when I first went through the program in 2017, why the team at the clinic consisted of not only doctors and nurses, but also psychologists and other mental health workers. Having spoken with so many people whose experiences have been so different from mine I understand now why… and why some people were not successful. Looking back, I wonder if it doesn’t make sense that the company that makes the meal replacements only sells them through medical facilities. I consider myself to be pretty psychologically sound, and I have had real difficulties with the program. How much more challenging might it be for someone whose demons are fresh and strong? I think it makes sense, looking at it after having spoken with some other people, to not let people do the program without close supervision from a team of professionals who know and understand the program. I am happy that my doctor agrees to see me every month, but does she really understand my program? My older doctor did, but I do not think I have ever explained to the new one what the program is. I see her when I get back from California. I should probably talk to her more about it.

    It is time to get moving. I am torn about what to do first but will chat with Leslie and ask her thoughts. I am supposed to see a friend this afternoon. The last time I saw him I cheated on the program. That will not happen today.

    The topic of conversation with every fur-parent we met on our morning walk this morning was how much more comfortable the weather is today, and how they are all glad that the heatwave is behind us. I reminded them all that we live in Canada and that winter is coming. With that said, I am going to try to fit an exercise outing in today. Hopefully my buddy won’t mind my not coming as early as he wanted.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 593

    Fuck you, bathroom scale. Another day of staying true to the program, and another day of my weight going up. I have gained 1.2 lbs. in the last 48 hours despite staying true to the program. ARGH! With that, the number of days I weighed less than today jumps back from four to ten; this time it not only includes the six days in May, but also four days in September, as I have actually lost four days of progress… all while sticking to my program. This sucks!

    As I lay in bed last night, I had a thought that if my weight did go up again, I might need to give my plan another kick… possibly have breakfast and lunch for a day or two, and then go back to it. I don’t know if I am going to do that… but I am certainly not doing it today. I have tentative plans to take a buddy for lunch tomorrow to celebrate his birthday so I might do it tomorrow. As I told Leslie the other day when she was frustrated and wanted to quit: Okay… but not today; if you are going to quit then do it tomorrow. Never quit today. You (I) should never make these decisions in the heat of anger and frustration.

    I did not go for my exercise yesterday which might have been cause to not lose weight, but I still do not think I should have gained weight either. I had this incredible boost of wanting to be productive, and I was. I finished studying for the exam I needed to take to teach my class next week… and then I took the exam. I was thrilled with my results… with certification exams it rarely matters, but for this one you need to score at least an 80% to teach the class. I scored 90%. Yay! After that I took Her Floofness for a walk, but it was hot, so she did not want to spend a lot of time outside. We came home and I updated and edited my CV (it is always nice to add a senior certification to my credentials). I then prepared my introduction slide for the class I am teaching Thursday. While that might sound trivial, I teach a lot of different domains, and it would not make sense to include every credential I have for every class. This is an introduction to the Microsoft Cloud (specifically Azure) class, and it is the first Microsoft class I have delivered since May of last year. That is a real change for someone who used to teach Microsoft almost exclusively! In any event, after all that was done, I could have called it a day. I could have easily taken a cigar onto the balcony and watched TV or read my book the rest of the evening. NO! I put the slide decks for the Thursday class onto my iPad and took it onto the balcony to review. Yes, it is a very basic class… but it is also the first time I am teaching it in four years; it is also the first class I am delivering for a new training organisation, and I want to make a good impression. I will go further still. When I am finished with this article, I will go through all of the labs to make sure I am comfortable with them. I will knock the ball out of the park with this class!

    It is not yet 9:30am and I am ready to go. I will work straight through to 1:00pm, at which point I have a date with my wife. It will be another productive morning, and possibly even an afternoon to match it. We are in the middle of a heat wave (Canadian version of one anyways) so it is unlikely I will want to exercise midday; maybe when the heat wanes after 6:00pm I’ll hit the trails. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 588

    I woke up this morning all excited to get onto the bathroom scale. Why? I broke my word yesterday. I went for a very long walk (11km) which actually started as a jog for the first kilometre. When I came in, I showered of course, and then stepped onto the scale to see a massive weight loss. Of course, I know that when I weigh myself throughout the day, and especially when doing so after exercising, that it will not be either realistic or indicative of what I would weigh the following morning. When I step onto the scale before bed, I know that whatever the number is I can expect my morning weight to be 2 lbs. less… so when I stepped onto the scale before retiring, I was disappointed by the reality. This morning my weight was down from yesterday… but only by a small fraction of a pound. I was not running to the fridge to cross numbers off.

    My morning started off as it usually does, except that when I came in from walking the Floof I did not prepare my breakfast as I normally would. I did not even make coffee, although I am going to do that in a moment. I am off to the doctor’s office in a few minutes, and I do not want to eat before stepping onto the scale for my official weigh-in. I am expecting to see a 5kg drop from my last official weigh in, which was two months ago. While that would only be a .3kg drop from my previous weigh-in the month before, I want to make sure I am back on track… I don’t have to be kicking ass from May, I only need to show that I am recovered and on my way to being the best me ever. Come to think of it, even if I do show a .3kg drop from May, it will still be my best official weigh-in. Woohoo!

    An added benefit to not eating my breakfast before heading to the doctor is that while I will definitely be hungry as I drive home, I will not want to stop to pick up peanuts (as I have done on several occasions after seeing the doctor). I will want to rush home to make my omelette. Eating late might also (in theory) push my three meal replacements to later, but I will still try to finish all three of them. I know I need the nutrients.

    By the way, not only did I exercise yesterday, but I also did not cheat. I always feel good when I can honestly write that. It can be somewhat frustrating to know that on Tuesday I did cheat, and the following morning my weight dropped .6 lb, but on Wednesday I did not cheat, and the following morning my weight only dropped .2 lb. Grrr! Frustration!

    My coffee is brewing. I will prepare a to-go cup so that when I am finished with the doctor, I can immediately start drinking it in the car. There is no reason for me to wait the extra 30 minutes for me to get home and brew it. It’s amazing the things we think of to try to cut corners for efficiency.

    I’ll continue writing after breakfast, when I am back from the doctor.

    —

    I have no complaints with today’s check-in! I was hoping for a 5kg drop and I exceeded that by half a kilo. My blood pressure and pulse are both extremely good. The doctor encouraged me to be more vigilant with my exercise when I told her that I have been slack these last few weeks (until yesterday). Other than that, all is good.

    My favourite nurse was there for the first time in a few months. Since the change of doctor she is working reduced hours, so I have not seen her in a while. It was good to catch up with her. She has been telling me for months that she is inspired by my progress; I think she wants to try the program herself. I told her that if she wants to get a coffee to discuss what I have done then she can email me, and I will gladly give her all the advice I can.

    I did two things today that I have never done. The first is that I weighed myself with clothes on (on the bathroom scale; I am obviously always dressed at the doctor’s office). I then changed out of my long pants into shorts and weighed myself again. The mercury read 11° when I took Her Royal Floofness for her walk this morning, and there was no way I was going out in shorts. By the time I was ready to head out for my appointment it was only a couple of degrees warmer, but I wanted to be wearing lighter clothes. That might be weird, but the forecast says it will be sunny and 21° today so wearing shorts is not unreasonable. It was all for naught though… there was not one ounce difference in the readings from wearing long pants to short pants. Oh well.

    I have some studying to do today and hopefully my wife will have time for a video cigar date in the afternoon. Other than that my only other plan for the day is to not cheat. I got past the doctor appointment (and scheduled my next appointment the day after I am back from California). Hopefully the timing of my next appointment will serve to keep me in check the week I am away and keep me from indulging too much.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 587

    We are down to eight. There were days between May 22-30 that I weighed less than I do this morning. It is exciting to realize that I am less than 3 lbs. from my best weight ever! This despite the fact that I was weak yesterday and I stopped into the store to buy a handful of peanuts. I will try to do better today.

    This morning was the first time in a few weeks when I was able to move my bowels before weighing myself rather than after breakfast. I know that it is a weird thing to get excited about, but it is real. I met with a diet buddy for coffee yesterday (and to buy more meal replacements). He is not on the same program as I am (he tried it and it was not for him) but he is doing a keto diet, which is what I suspect I will end up doing once I transition off my program. He spent a bit of time discussing the differences in his bowel movements since switching his diet (in a little too much detail, but that’s easily forgiven). If you think about it, what comes out of our body (and how it comes out) is directly related to what goes into it; that being the case, it would therefore be impossible to make a severe switch your diet without seeing a severe change in that. While I am not comfortable discussing poop it is nonetheless relevant to the point of this journal.

    I did something to my knee last night, and I am going to have to pay attention to it these next few days to make sure it is not something I need to have checked out. I do not know what I did, but when I came into the house from the balcony, I realized there was something going on. I got up in the night to put Her Floofness onto the bed and realized that it was still an issue. Before I got out of bed this morning, I was conscious of it and told myself to be careful… and there was no problem. That is, until I took the Floof for her walk. Oh the walk was fine… it was the stairs leading to the walk that reminded me that I am not 100% right now. If there was a chance that I was going to resume my exercise regimen today it is my knee that is telling me that I am better off resuming my studying today. I took the day off from studying yesterday and will resume today.

    I was sitting on the balcony yesterday evening enjoying my pipe when the weather turned. It had been a bit breezy all evening, but suddenly I was getting wet, and the ashes from my ashtray were blowing in my face. I scrambled to get into the house and am relieved that none of my technology got wet – I had both my phone and my iPad in places they could have gotten damaged.

    Okay, it is time for me to get moving. I will stay on track today. I will not cheat. Tomorrow morning I am going to the doctor, and I plan to be much lighter than I was at my last weigh-in… hopefully seven kilos lighter. I cannot hope for that if I do not stay on track today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 586

    Yesterday was the first day in I don’t know how many that I got through the day without my wife being here that I did not cheat at all. It is not easy to get through these days, but I am finding inspiration in my wife. She is an amazing woman who has been through so much; if she is willing to put up with me then I owe it to her to look and to feel as good as I can, and to stay as healthy as I can so as to not make her a widow – or worse, a nursemaid to an infirm husband. I am back on track, and I will keep at it so that I can be the best me that I can be. When I pick her up at the airport in California in just over three weeks, she will see the slimmest Mitch that she has ever seen… I make that promise not to her but to myself.

    By staying true to the program I was rewarded on the bathroom scale this morning, this time by a drop of .6 lbs. Doing as I have done these last few days, there are now twelve days that I registered at or lower than my current weight. There was one day in mid-April, and then from May 20 (when my weight was the same as it is this morning) through May 31st. If I drop another .4 lb tomorrow morning, then that number will drop to nine. With a lot of mindfulness and discipline then within the week that scale should be behind me, and looking forward I will only see uncharted weight territory. How exciting… as long as I can stay true to the program.

    I have two obstacles today that I have to overcome with regard to my goal of staying on track. The first is a couple of errands I have to run in the afternoon. Before I go to see my barber, I have to stop off at an office to sign a few papers, but that is of no concern. I seem to have a pattern of going to Bulk Barn to buy peanuts after getting my hair cut. I have to be mindful that I come straight home after that. The second obstacle is that I am meeting someone to buy more meal replacements; he is someone I was advising on the program but who decided it is not for him, and we are meeting for a cup of coffee. There is no harm in the coffee; what else might be tempting at the café is quite another story. I will gird myself to stay disciplined and will not succumb to any temptations. It is so easy to say or write that at 9:45am, an hour after I finished my breakfast omelette, and in the comfort and safety of my apartment. It is quite another to say it in the face of the temptations. I can only do my very best to stay focused and remember why I am depriving myself of all of those foods that I love… so that I will eventually look and feel better than I have in decades.

    Okay, following the conclusion of that paragraph I should mention that I do now already look and feel much better than I have in decades… it is simply that I want to keep improving upon what I have achieved… looking and feeling even better than I do now. That will only come with discipline, and I know it.

    Last night following my class I had my first meeting in a month with my diet buddy. She has moved to Yukon for the year and so our meetings will all be virtual, but it was great to catch up with her. She told me about some of the challenges that she is facing in her new environment. We can talk about small towns in southern Ontario and joke about it, but they are nothing like the sheer isolation of the great white north. She is a schoolteacher, and the stories of her indigenous students tear at your heart. I remember the expression that ‘There but for the grace of G-d go I.’ Yes, I have experienced a hard and challenging life, but it pales in comparison to how some of those children are growing up. Nearly two months after the move she is still adjusting to her new reality, and I hope that when she does get acclimated she will resume with her weight loss success.

    In speaking with Leslie the other day I realized something horrible. She told me she was tempted by a particular food – I do not remember what – and I told her about a weight loss mantra that I have heard many times over the years: Nothing tastes as good as slim feels. When she told me that it was a mantra for anorexics I was horrified. I did not know that the people who said this suffer from a mental condition that is so unhealthy as to lead to hospitalization and even death. I will never forget that lesson and will tell it to the next person who says it to me.

    I am putting off buying a new hard drive. One of my external storage devices failed yesterday, and it will need to be replaced. Fortunately there was nothing critical on it, but I do need the device. I am thinking of purchasing a network attached storage (NAS) device to replace it, but I do not feel like spending the money just now. I have other priorities, and I will hold off a while. I think before I buy that, I should probably buy my server… which I have put off buying because I just do not feel like spending the money right now. There is no connection between that and the meal replacements I am buying today (which will set me back over $500 for what I am buying, and which cannot be put on a credit card); I need to eat, and while my storage will be a little tighter now than it was previously, I am sure I will be able to make do for a couple of months.

    Okay, I suppose it is time for me to get on with it. I am going to see if my wife is available, and if not then I will get a couple of hours of studying in before heading out for my first set of errands.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 583

    For the second day in a row I stuck to my modified program perfectly yesterday, and I was rewarded for it. Ed McMahon rang my door with a cheque from Publisher’s Clearinghouse for Ten Million Dollars! Okay, no… but I did get to cross another number off on my fridge-side tracker! I dropped 1.4 lbs. from yesterday morning which is absolutely astonishing. It may not be $10 Million, but it is still a very nice minor victory.

    I was speaking with Leslie last night about a lot of weight-related issues. One of them is that I am going to the doctor next Thursday, and wouldn’t it be nice if I could show a significant drop in weight from my last weigh-in. At the end of May I weighed 116kg; after that I started my slide which I hope was just a plateau. At the end of June I met with my new doctor for the first time, and I had gained 4.7kg – nearly 11 lbs. I was certain that I had done the worst and would be back on track immediately, but July proved to be a harder month than I thought. I did not actually step onto the scale when I was at the doctor’s at the end of July, but I was up about half a kilo in the month. If I were to step onto her scale today, I should weigh a little more than 5kg less than I did then, and it would be my best weigh-in at the doctor’s office ever. With five days left to go I would love to lose another 2-3 lbs., which would take me under 115kg! That would be my best weigh-in at a doctor’s office since before I went into the Army. Yes, I saw plenty of doctors during my service… but never for a regular check-up. I seem to recall weighing over 260 lbs. when I saw my Canadian doctor the first time after returning, which would have been some time in 1997. I am thrilled to be on this path!

    Not only am I thrilled by that, but I am also excited to be able to say something honestly today that I have been dishonest about since May. I have lost 140 lbs. overall. I have not in the last three months amended that when asked, even though at the worst of my sliding I was back to having lost 115 lbs. I am also less than six pounds away from dropping below that monumental milestone: I have not since leaving the Army weighed less than 250 lbs. I achieved that number on May 27 (Day 492)… and then the slipping began. The day that I step onto the bathroom scale and see the number 249.x – it could be 249.999 for all it matters – I will jump for joy. If I am able to stay on track, then I am almost certain to reach that before I fly to California in 3.5 weeks. My wife will see me at the lowest weight that she has ever seen me… and the lowest that anyone has seen me in my post-Army life.

    While writing that paragraph I realized something, and I decided to go back to confirm it. While I was a full 5.6 lbs. lower than I am now (according to my spreadsheet, there are nineteen days when I have weighed less), none of those days coincided with us being together. When she woke up this morning, I weighed less than my wife has ever seen me. When she gets out of the shower, I am going to tell her that… and we will sit on the patio with our coffee and cigars.

    Our plan for the day is to see a movie. We discussed picking up some almonds to munch on but unless she mentions it again, I am not going to. I think I might have been pushing her to do that, and I do not want to impede her progress. She is doing so well, and I will not be the reason she falters… certainly not with all of the love and support she has shown me during this long, strange, and often tumultuous trip. I am thinking of preparing our evening meal replacements as a fine candlelit dinner on the balcony. We’ll see if I can manage it. Otherwise, we will just enjoy our last full day together. She flies home tomorrow, and that is hard for both of us.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 581

    While yesterday did not go as well as planned (there were a number of impediments to my well planned timing of my meal replacements), the bathroom scale did once again show a lower number than yesterday. It was not a severe drop, but it was a drop. Speaking of drops, I am now on my third day of not moving my bowels on the current streak. Sigh.

    It is so wonderful to have my wife here; she is only here for a short visit, but I am so thrilled to see her. As soon as she texted me that she was through Customs I left the Cell Phone Waiting Lot and zipped over to the terminal… and twenty minutes later she was in the car. It is truly amazing how badly people drive at and around the airport. We then hit the highway and were on a beeline to get home quickly when we the highway, clear as one would expect at 11:30pm, came to a stop. We are not 100% certain of what the incident on the road was, but we sat there for at least half an hour before we were turned around and forced to get onto the toll road. If I think of it I will try to figure out what happened… when they close a 400-series highway in Toronto/Mississauga there must be something on the news about it.

    Over the last few days I have realized that I want to start wearing my pants differently. In 1998 I acted in a play, and I remember a conversation with the costumer who told me, as I secured my belt beneath my stomach, that normal people secure their belt right around their bellybutton while fat people wore it under their fat. That is where I have worn my belt for decades; yesterday and today I realized that I was having trouble with that, but I still cannot secure it properly higher up… at least, not consistently. I am able to do it for a bit, then find myself having to pull my pants up.

    I stand corrected. During my class’s morning break I was able to take care of business in the restroom… and very productively and to great relief. I feel much better! I only wish I had been able to do it prior to weighing myself this morning. Oh well… that’s life!

    I will be in class all day but that in the afternoon there will be a section that I need to pay less attention to so that Leslie and I can enjoy a cigar together on the balcony. I do not mind listening to the class with half an ear, but I do not get nearly enough time with my wife as I would like, so hopefully we will be able to bask in each others’ company for a few extra hours. While the wind will be picking up this afternoon, there is no rain in the forecast until the middle of the night. Hopefully the wind is not too bad…

    It is great to have my wife here, and that makes my day better! It also gives me a much better chance of being successful with my modified weight loss program. I am extremely unlikely to cheat on my program while my wife is here; she is not responsible for keeping me accountable… but as she is on a similar program to mine (the American program, unmodified) then the least I can do is to not try to not entice her by breaking my stride. Yes, I made my omelette this morning… but that is my modified program, and I will not be eating anything else other than my meal replacements.

    I decided that with the minor slide that I had these last few days I am going to re-cross and re-date the 258 lbs. threshold on my sheet again when I drop below it, which will almost certainly be tomorrow morning. I did not do the same when I dropped back below 260 lbs., but I was only above that threshold for two days. I spent over a week above that last best threshold that I had previously reached, and I am happy to re-date it to show my progress forward from here, and not from last week.

    Okay, I am going to start focusing on my class.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 579

    After several days of sliding (which I suppose is a nice word for cheating) I finally had a day of sticking to the program on Monday. I did go to bed slightly hungry, but not terribly so. I woke up this morning after not sleeping very well (which had nothing to do with hunger which was forgotten very quickly) I was once again not successful in the restroom (which does get frustrating after a while) I was happy to see a significant drop on the bathroom scale. I lost nearly two pounds, putting me back to where I was a couple of days ago. I am still 1.4 lbs. from my best recent weight (it was six days ago when I crossed off the number 258.0 on the side of my fridge), so I am at least going in the right direction.

    It was not a very difficult day for me. I was sitting in a class throughout the day, and I taught in the evening. I took Her Royal Floofness for a walk in the morning and then another one in the evening – even though she spent the day playing with her friends Charlie (doggo) and Sue (human). They likely went out for a few walks, but when she asks so nicely to go outside, and the weather is agreeable then it is not at all a hardship for me.

    I did get a little hungry in the afternoon yesterday, and decided the best way to address that hunger was not to give in to it, rather to find a way to put it out of my mind. I decided to take my mobile office onto the balcony and sit through the last couple of hours of my class with a cigar. It worked, and I was able to get through the rest of the day by having a shake at 5:15pm and then another when I came in from Sophie’s walk at 9:45pm.

    My plan for today is to stay on track and do exactly what I did yesterday. I am not teaching in the evening, but I will make sure I can stay busy and keep my mind occupied. I suspect there might be a cigar or two in that plan. I just want to get back to my best recent weight so that when I pick Leslie up from the airport I will look as good as I can, in addition to feeling as good about myself as I can. I never feel good in the knowledge that I have failed in something.

    I have had this text open for a while and have been half writing, half listening to my class for the last hour. I am going to try to do my best today as I can… I did it yesterday so I can do it today, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 576

    I cannot seem to get back on track. At least it is not as bad as it could be, but I am still unable to get through the afternoon without preparing a second omelette for myself. I will try to do better today, but it is Saturday… weekends tend to be challenging because I do not have a lot going on. I am going to try even harder. In fact, I do have something going on today… my buddy invited me over for a cigar in the afternoon. It is a lovely day outside and I am looking forward to seeing him and his wife. I saw him earlier in the week, but I have not seen her since June.

    My wife surprised me last night. She is coming to see me this coming week! It was a surprise, but a very welcome one. I had not been doing a lot of smiling the previous few days; since she told me I have hardly stopped smiling! We had a great chat last night, and while I was concerned that I might not be able to sleep from the excitement I was truly exhausted and got six hours of very deep sleep. Yes, only six hours… My eyes popped open early, and I was not getting back to sleep no matter how I tried.

    While I had a second omelette yesterday, my weight was still down slightly this morning. Hopefully I can continue to lose weight over the next few days. I had said just a few days ago how exciting it would be if I could be at my best weight ever when I next saw Leslie. There is no good way for me to lose nine pounds in five days but at least I have not completely fallen off the program. Indeed, if my weight stays exactly where it was this morning then I will be ten pounds lighter than the last time she saw me!

    I got up early this morning and so while I have spent a bit of time futzing about, I am nevertheless ready to go… and it is only 10:45am. I invited the neighbour doggo for a playdate with her Royal Floofness, and they are having a grand old time. I am not going to head out to my friends’ place until 1:00pm or so I think I will sit on the balcony with a breakfast cigar and the last of my coffee. It will be a relaxing morning. I have no plans to veer from the program today… but then, I never do. I just have to stay strong and get through it without anything extra.

    Have a great day folks!