Stress and anxiety are real. I will get through this… but in the meantime I am not having a good time of it. My weight was up again this morning.
Category: Stress
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Day 1106
My weight dropped a bit from yesterday, but I am still a bit more than five pounds over the terrible mark. I really need to get below that. The stress and anxiety that is my life for the next few weeks may not kill me, but it is certainly not doing my weight management any favours.
My sleep score from last night was a respectable 80, but I know that I woke up too many times for it to have been great. I finally gave up trying to get back to sleep again a little before 5:00am. It is not often that I can actually dawdle a little in the morning before working.
There was a news article a couple of days ago that really shook me about people in Colombia who showed up at the U.S. Embassy in Bogota for their immigration interviews only to find their appointments had been cancelled. My appointment is in a week, and while I do not let on about it very often, I know that the rest of my life hinges on the results of that meeting. Leslie and I have been married nearly three years, and the process has been a very long and trying one… not only is it miserable to live in a different country from my wife, but it has nearly bankrupted me from all of the travel and other expenses. I really need for this to be over so that I can live with her at long last.
I will try to eat well today. As I had so much time to spare this morning, I prepared my lunch. I am marinating a piece of salmon with some vegetables, and I will serve it over a bed of rice. For dinner I will likely have the same chicken I would normally have prepared for both lunch and dinner.
While I really cannot afford it, I decided to book a haircut appointment for tomorrow. My hair really is too long to keep under control, so I bit the bullet. A couple of days after I booked the appointment, my barber told me that the shop she was working at closed its doors, and so she is coming to cut my hair at my apartment. That will definitely be a first for me. At least I will be able to look at myself without wretching.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 1081
My sleep score last night was an 85, the second highest it has been since my hip started to cause me problems. I should mention that there was one night that I did not wear my fitness watch to bed, which is odd for me, but I just forgot to put it on after I got out of the shower. In any event, I feel well rested this morning. I also feel for the first time in a week that there is marked improvement to my hip; to be clear, the improvement has nothing to do with pain medicines (although they have helped keep me somewhat sane). No, I felt real improvement before I got out of bed, which means before I took my pill. I am relieved that it seems to be on the mend. I have been extremely unhappy these last few days, even snapping at people who did not deserve it. I will apologize to them both. Now let’s hope and pray than my hip and leg continue to improve!
What has not been improving is my weight. I have gained a tremendous amount of weight this past week, partly due to stress-eating to try to relieve the pain. That never works of course, but gaining weight does. My weight this morning is a disgusting amount over the terrible mark. I need to get back on track. Hopefully the lessening of my pain will help with that. I need to get down to a reasonable weight, and that will need to start with depriving myself of certain things. Hopefully by mid-week I will be able to exercise again, but until that is the case I cannot touch another carbohydrate, starting now.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 1075
I am still trying to get back on track. I will get there, but for now I am about where I have been for the last six months… trying to get back down below that terrible mark. Sigh. The stresses of my life right now are almost beyond my limits, but I will endure. It is just not easy.
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Day 1052
I had a very difficult day yesterday. I broke down and bought chicken and vegetables and ate a late lunch (or early dinner). To be clear, I do not believe that I overate. I am also proud of myself that despite my intense desire to do so, I did not buy any bread. As bad as the day was, it could have been a lot worse. I also ran on the treadmill for 3.5km – the first run in nearly a year. I slept poorly, and did gain a bit of weight this morning. Stress and anxiety are real killers for weight loss.
This morning I am going for breakfast with some of the people from the lodge. As the lodge is currently the primary source of my stress and anxiety, I am not sure how breakfast will go. We will see. After breakfast I will be meeting a couple of friends for cigars, and then I will come home. Eduardo is coming over in the afternoon.
Have a great day folks.
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Day 1051
The 5.5km treadmill workout I did yesterday put me over the top. I have officially completed the MapMyFitness.com ‘You vs. the Year 2024’ challenge. I am in the top 12.16% of participants (186,000 participants). Completing the challenge does not mean I am going to slow down. I am hoping to continue to make progress with my working out and losing weight for the rest of the year, and well into 2025.
I cheated slightly yesterday but not terribly. I met some of my Lodge brothers at the pub before the official meeting, and I had to order something. I ordered the least cheating (while still within my religious dietary requirements) thing on the Happy Hour menu. Thinking about it, I could have ordered the six-piece chicken wings… but I know that wings are my Achilles heel, and I did not want to risk falling off the wagon because I had to order something.
My weight did drop slightly this morning, but I would have preferred to see a more substantial drop after yesterday’s tremendous gain. No dice. I will continue to try to do as well as I can so that I can hopefully get back to where I was Wednesday. We’ll see. My sleep score was an amazing 89, and my body battery was up to 83 this morning. While my Body Battery was better yesterday, my sleep score had not been that high in nearly four weeks. I am glad that I got a good night sleep and will try to benefit from the body battery by hitting the treadmill for another good workout later today.
I was put on the unpopular side of a discussion at our Lodge meeting last night and I felt bad that I was the only opposing voice. I realize that I was the one nay vote, but I am uncomfortable to have been placed in that position. I am going to try to discuss it with the Lodge’s leadership so that it does not happen again. If it is going to happen then I will have to walk away from the Lodge. I am in a very bad headspace over this.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 1048
I passed my exam yesterday! I was nervous… it was a grueling exam, and I was reasonably certain as I left the examination room that I had failed. When I got to the reception area and the woman at the desk handed me the paper with my results, she handed it to me upside down. I turned it over to see a single word… if the first word says ‘Congratulations’ then it was a pass. I was thrilled about it! Now I have to go through the entire process of getting endorsed so that I can pay my annual dues and advertise the certification. Yes, it is a bit of a pain compared to a lot of the previous certifications that I have earned (pass exam = certification) … but that’s what happens when you move up into the big leagues I suppose!
With all of the pre-exam cramming and post-exam relief, it was late in the afternoon before I had a meal replacement. I then had a cigar with my wife (video chat is hard, but at least we were able to connect) and then decided to get onto the treadmill for a 5km walk. Following that, I showered and then decided to make myself eggs instead of another meal replacement. As I mentioned to Leslie yesterday, the only thing wrong with that is my cholesterol; she responded (tongue-in-cheek) that this week cholesterol may be bad, but we’ll see what it is next week. Yes, the medical community does seem to change their opinions from time to time.
My sleep score was only 76, but I still felt pretty good when I woke up… probably because when I woke up at 4:00am thinking I was awake for the day, I was able to fall back asleep until 7:15. I am still waking up with a headache… after four nights of the same I have to think that the added element to my sleep regimen, which certainly does help me to fall asleep, is the cause. I will experiment with dosages and brands to see if I can both get to sleep and wake up without the headache.
The bathroom scale this morning has me down 1.6 lbs. from yesterday, which means that after one week on the program I am down just over ten pounds. Yay! I will try to keep on the downward trend for the entire month of December… how wonderful would it be to lose another 15-20 lbs. before New Years Day?
I am off to see a buddy this afternoon. I will do my best to stay true to my program so that I can continue to lose weight. When I come home, I will get onto the treadmill. I will do my best. The only cheating I plan to do this month is with turkey dinners that I am invited to. Other than that… I will stay true.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 973
I woke up this morning all excited to see significant weight loss on the bathroom scale. After my first decent bowel movement in days, I was a little disappointed that the drop was less than a pound. I took Princess Sophie for her walk, and then prepared breakfast. Before I bit in, I felt the urge, and was able to take my second decent bowel movement in days. I decided to weigh myself again, and was happy to see that from yesterday morning my weight is now down 1.2 lbs.
I did not exactly kill it on my walk yesterday, but I did push myself for 10.4kms, averaging 9m35s/km. It was one of my most stable walks, with each split kilometre coming in between 9m26s and 9m43s. I was happy with my performance and will try to repeat it today. I have a few things on my mind, and I might not be able to get out, but we will see.
Despite the exercise, and despite being in bed and trying to sleep by 11:30pm, I still did not have a great night sleep. My sleep score was 75m and my body battery only recharged to 41. Hopefully I will be able to do better this evening.
The weather is going to be nice and sunny again today, so I should be able to get out there and put in a good workout… as long as I can keep my mind focused.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 940
I do not know why I was so hungry last night. Once again, I ate more thank I should have… but still within the parameters of what I had been doing the whole week. I was again afraid that my weight would be up this morning… especially since it is now a few days since I have had a half-decent bowel movement. In fact, my weight dropped another .4 lbs., bringing my weight loss since Sunday to nine pounds. That is nothing to sneeze at indeed, but I have to find a way to keep it going. The mental and emotional side of weight loss is the hardest part.
Last night I was out after my class to pick up dog food and treats for Her Royal Floofness, and I briefly considered stopping into Fortinos to pick up a challah roll for Shabbat. I decided not to, and I think that is the reason my weight was down this morning. It is bad enough that I am not able to stick to only eating meal replacements in the evening, but if I were to add carbs and starches into my diet I know the results would be disastrous.
Will I be able to get out to exercise today? I might try. The afternoon forecast is rain, so I would have to get out earlier. I have a couple of errands I need to run, so maybe I will go out in a few minutes and then do some work in the afternoon.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 930
Thank G-d my weight dropped below that horrible number this morning. I will eat as I did yesterday, which is to say that I will have lunch, and then in the evening I will have a meal replacement.
My knee is feeling somewhat better than it was a couple of days ago. I am still in pain, but not the debilitating pain that I was in a couple of days ago. I have cut the meds to one pill three times per day instead of two pills. I am also using the Voltaren cream pretty liberally, but not as often as it was. I will ice it this evening as well.
I am stressed about the class I am delivering tomorrow. I think I am as prepared as I am ever going to be… but I really wish I had not agreed to teach it. My goal for today is to not eat my stress and anxiety.
Have a great day folks!
