I woke up to a very difficult and disturbing phone call from a very close friend this morning. I am saddened by what he told me and will do everything that I can to help him.
My weight was down this morning, but not significantly. I was hoping for more, but down is better than up. Hopefully by the weekend I will be down below the dreaded 290 lbs. mark again.
Have a great day folks!
As I prepared to hit publish on today’s article, I realized that I had completely messed up the numbers. Yesterday, for some reason, I published my three-word article as Day 897, which it was not – that’s today. I did so on my phone, so when I sat at my computer to write today’s article, I opened my Word document and kecked the numbers… instead of Day 896, I typed in Day 869. As I looked at that, I then knew that today was Day 870. No it is not! I corrected both yesterday’s and today’s article, and can now publish the real Day 897.
Over the course of the last three days, my weight has dropped 1.4 lbs. Each day. This morning, it was back down to 285 lbs. from a high just a few days ago of 290.2, which is a relief.
I had hoped just a couple of weeks ago that by the time Leslie arrived, my weight would be at or even under 270 lbs., but then I fell… hard. If the previous weeks had not been bad enough, the three days of fireworks were a total disaster for me.
I have also started to come to terms with just how hard the war in Gaza has hit me. This is a multi-pronged issue, including the fact that I was too old to get called up, the fact that there is nothing I can do to help the hostages who are still being held captive, and the millions of protestors – ranging from useful idiots of Hamas to pure Nazis who hate Jews and hate Israel, but who know it is usually impolitic to express those opinions – who are calling for the annihilation of my country and of my people. It has been killing me, but it was not until Leslie told me that she understands the pain that I am in. Since she got here yesterday afternoon, I have broken down in tears over it a few times… something that I am not comfortable doing in front of anyone else.
We went out for breakfast this morning, and then I prepared a late lunch for us… knowing that I am going to be teaching until 9:00pm, which means that we cannot have dinner until then. I do not expect that my weight will be down tomorrow, but then at no point did I expect that I would be losing weight during Leslie’s visit.
Tomorrow is my birthday, and some friends are throwing a barbecue party for me, and for the other Mitchell who is a member of our Lodge. It should be fun! I look forward to seeing them all (and the wives and girlfriends), and to introducing Leslie to them. Having learned from the previous barbecue that I attended, I volunteered to bring the hotdogs. That way I know that they are all-beef, and that Leslie and I can eat them. We also bought chips and coleslaw, as well as a new lawn/balcony chair (one of my older ones broke last month). We will bring two chairs with us, knowing that there will be a lot of people coming, and not knowing how many chairs Mitchell and his wife have!
Leslie and I had a lovely day together, and while I am now teaching (the students have a lab to do, so I can write as well) until 9:00pm. After that, we will light the candles and say our prayers, and we will enjoy a lovely meal together.
Have a great day folks!
I woke up this morning with a bit of sadness in my heart, but not because the bathroom scale showed my weight up by .2 lb.. I was sad because after breakfast I would be packing my carry-on bag and then Leslie and her son would be driving me to the airport, which is where I am currently sitting waiting for my flight.
It has been a wonderful three weeks with my wife, despite the stress caused by the invasive species criminal tw@t who invaded her home and planted her flag, knowing the laws in Texas would protect her until we got a court order to have her removed. I teach my students that social engineers prey on three emotions to succeed: sympathy/our desire to be good, pressure/urgency, and fear/threats. This loser used all three of these tactics on Leslie, and when I finally got involved, she was already onto the threats/fear stage… and figured that the tactics that worked against my wife (and which would work against most people) would work against me. Boy, did she misread her audience on that one. Some people do not scare easily… others just don’t scare. I fit into that last category.
With all that, it was a stressful couple of weeks… but happy times too. My wife and I had not been having the best time for the last few months, and we’re happily reconciled. Now if we could only live in the same country, that would be great.
With the exception of one really bad night, I have had an excellent sleep score for the last ten days. Well, that is my word… Garmin considers anything above 80 to be good, and only scores over 90 are rated as excellent. As someone who has traditionally had trouble sleeping the night, I am going to consider every score above 75 to be excellent… so the last ten days have been great. Yes, there were a couple of really hard nights, but I made up for them when I could.
I am thrilled that I got out for two good walk/jog outings while I was in Dallas, and hope that I will be able to continue that when I get back to Canada. Yes, there will be rainy days when I might opt to use the treadmill, but knowing that spring is here and the cold and snow and ice are behind us is a great motivator to get out and to get moving again! With that said, I need to cancel my gym membership. Crap.
My weight is up from my best weight of the trip, but it is still down from the day before I left Canada. Now that I will be home and not worried about eating out, I should be able to get back in control of my weight loss. I have had a lot of emotional stresses in my life these last six months, and the numbers on the bathroom scale reflect that. Now it is time for me to pick myself up by my bootstraps and to get back to my best weight ever. That will take a few months I am sure, but it will happen.
I have an hour and a half before my flight leaves, and I am sitting in the same French café that I ate at the first time I flew out of Dallas. Despite having an omelette for breakfast this morning, I ordered a muffin with my coffee. I do not know if they are serving food on the airplane or not (yes, I know I would have to pay for it) so I will pick up a snack to eat en route, just in case. When I get home I will check my food stocks, and then I will go to the supermarket to pick up whatever I might be missing. Also, I have to make sure everything is just right for Her Royal Floofness to return to her palace – she has spent three weeks away, and she will expect a royal welcome! I will see to it that there are plenty of treats and scritchies and lovies for her when she gets home!
Okay, I suppose I will sign off and get ready to fly. I will check out the duty free shop and see if there is a bottle that I really need. I will then find my gate and sit there to wait for boarding, at which point I will try to sleep a little bit.
Have a great day folks!
Yesterday went exactly as planned with regards to eating. I had my omelette and some matzah with almond butter and jam for breakfast, and then for lunch I prepared a lovely salad for Leslie and myself: sliced cherry tomatoes, cucumber, and Vidalia onion with a chicken breast chopped into it. I poured a little bit of olive oil and some balsamic vinegar into the bowl and then tossed it. Leslie crumbled some matzah on hers, but I decided not to. It was delicious. For dinner we had our Passover seder (three days late) which consisted of a bowl of chicken soup with matzah balls, a hard-boiled egg, matzah with charoset, and a roasted chicken that I seasoned with zaatar. For dessert we had a couple of macaroons. All of this was (of course) kosher for Passover, and aside from the four glasses of wine (which are required for the service) I think I did well both with content and moderation.
Around 4pm I got a call from an unknown number in Hamilton, Ontario. A young lady had found Her Royal Floofness and called the number on her necklace. It seems my buddy had let her and his (much larger) dog out into the backyard, and when she discovered a hole that a rabbit had dug under the fence, she decided to go exploring. I immediately called my buddy who went and got her (she had not gone far), and Princess Sophie was home safe and sound within a few minutes. With my heart racing a mile a minute, I decided to take a dram of scotch. I doubt anyone would fault me for that. Leslie saw me doing it and approved.
Due to my recent travel issues and other stressors, my finances are not in a good place right now. I decided yesterday afternoon to email one of my vendors who had an outstanding balance, and he apologized for the tardiness… he had been on vacation with his family, so everything was a few days late. The money was in my account this morning, and I was able to pay down my credit cards so I have a little breathing room, as well as transferring money to my Canadian bank so that I will be able to pay my rent and child support on or before May 1. Phew! I may not be the best father to my children, but I have never missed a child support payment and I never will. My policy is that I will not buy food or drink or cigars before paying that particular obligation.
On that same topic (my children) I just had a very upsetting phone call with my ex-wife. My son the younger is having a lot of issues, and we are working to get through them. I am hoping and praying that he will be okay, and I am going to do everything I can to help. I thank G-d that Theresa is such a good mother.
Okay, it is time for me to get working. Have a great day!
This morning was the first day in a week that I woke up in our apartment and not in a hotel room. I was thrilled for the good night sleep that I got, and for being able to sleep in our own bed without having to lock the door for fear of being intruded upon. I was excited that we did not have to drive back to the apartment to take Duchess for her walk and to feed her and to give her attention. Last night was thrilled to be able to teach my class in peace from the comfort of my wife’s desk. The only negative emotion that I could not shake was the horror that I would be stepping onto the bathroom scale this morning.
I did not eat well this past week, and I have not been dishonest about it. Most of my meals were decent enough, but I just snacked way too much… and in terrible quantities. I was horrified that I was going to step onto the bathroom scale this morning to see that I had gained ten pounds in a week. I also knew that if I did, then I would a) now weigh over 290 lbs. (and close enough to 295 to be worried); b) I would have gained a full 50 lbs. from my best weight ever; and c) I would be within a bad day or two of that dreaded 300 lbs. mark… the mark that I said that I would never even flirt with again. If there was one reason why I did not sleep better than I did last night, then it was that.
At the end of my bathroom rituals I stepped onto the scale with trepidation. The app was open on my phone, and I was dreading where the numbers would stop. When they did, I was shocked. Since my last weigh-in on Wednesday, my weight was down 2.8 lbs. Yes, you read that correctly. With all of the chips, nuts, fruit, and other goodies that I had overindulged on, not to mention the bagels (before Passover) for breakfast and over the past three days a lot of matzah with peanut butter and jam, and with no exercise to speak of (save for walking Duchess)… my weight had dropped nearly three pounds in the week. I weighed less this morning than I have since I got here… and for three days before that
I cannot see this as a sign that I can be complacent. Everything that I have said over the last few days will stand. When Ryan starts on his program in May I am going to do it with him… at least for a few weeks. I am going to try to be more mindful than I have been. I am going to do my best to not let stress and anxiety make me drop my guard and eat more than I should. I am going to continue to weigh myself daily and journal daily and make sure that when I do have a bad day that I make things right over the next few days.
I may have gotten a reprieve this past week (which my wife says is probably due to the enormous amount of stress), but that does not mean that I am happy with where I am. Most of my pants do not fit, and when I look at myself in the mirror, I can see that I am a fat man. I do not mean this based on the psychological perception… I mean that I see that I am fat and too damned big. At my absolute lowest weight I was just under 240 lbs. and now I am 282, which means I am nearly 45 lbs. heavier than I was seven months ago. It is time to be done with that and to get back to where I was then. I will continue to journal, but not just about ‘this is what I did yesterday’ or ‘I don’t have anything to write.’ I will use this journal to do what it was meant to from the very beginning… to hold myself accountable.
Have a great day folks!
Ding! Dong! The witch is gone! I do not want to go into any great detail on this here (although it might one day be the subject for a book). Suffice it to say that the woman who has gone out of her way to make my wife’s life unbearable is finally gone… we think, we hope. We suspect that she has now moved on to her next victim and I feel terrible for whoever that may be.
This morning we dropped Leslie’s son off at school, and then after walking the dog we went back to the hotel to pack up and check out. It will be a relief to sleep in our own place again tonight. As I type this I am sitting at Leslie’s desk waiting for my class to start. I have some lovely chicken breasts marinating in a barbecue sauce that will be our dinner afterwards, along with some charoset (a Jewish dish traditionally served at the Passover seder, made of apples, walnuts, sweet wine, cinnamon, and honey).
Speaking of the Passover seder, thanks to the issues we were having we were unable to do it the last two nights. Because I have to teaching this evening, we cannot do it this evening either. We are planning to do it tomorrow evening which is late, but it is better thank nothing. Leslie knows that it is an important celebration, and even though it will only be the two of us… we can celebrate it and I will recite to her the story of our exodus from the land of Egypt and the bonds of slavery.
Of the myriad reasons I am relieved that we are back home, one huge one is that I have had a lot of trouble with my eating this past week. It is just easier to eat well when we are preparing our own meals. This afternoon we had a bowl of chicken soup with matzah balls (store bought but still tasty). This evening is our chicken breasts. Hopefully there will not be a lot of snacking in between. As it is, I am deathly afraid of what the bathroom scale is going to tell me tomorrow morning. I am certain I will weigh more than 290 lbs., which means that I will have gained a full fifty pounds since my best weight ever… just seven short months ago. It is time to get back on track.
Have a great day folks! It’s time to teach!
My wife and I are dealing with a situation that is extremely stressful for us, and it is all that I can do to not dive into all sorts of really bad foods. I am staying strong because she needs me to be strong, and we are getting through it together. In the meantime, there is someone going out of her way to make our lives miserable. It is disgusting that some people just take and take and take some more, and when you are not willing to do everything in their power to make your life difficult. We will get through it, but until it is behind us, we will likely not sleep very well. I have to continue to remind myself that my pants are far too tight as it is, and I do not want to slip any further after the last six months.
This evening we will have our very small and abridged Passover seder, and I am looking forward to it. We have Chicken soup with matza balls, I made a batch of charoset, and for the main course I will make air-fried chicken breasts. We will tell the story of the exodus from Egypt and I will remember that while we escaped slavery, we have been an oppressed people for most of our existence. We will read the line ‘B’chol dor vador chayav adam lir’ot et atzmo k’ilu hu hatza mimitzrayim. “In all generations it is the duty of man to consider himself as if he had come forth from Egypt.”’ We will also read the line that ‘In every generation, they rise up to destroy us.’ How fitting is it as we are in the seventh month of our war in Gaza we are still fighting the Amalek – the evil enemy hellbent on our destruction. They have realized that they cannot only do it with weapons, so they have engaged in a misinformation campaign of lies that too many people are ready to believe… partly because the deep fake is so good but mostly because so many of them hate Jews… either consciously or not. I have spent the last seven months combatting the lies online but it is like swimming against the tide. I will not give up, and I will remind my wife and my son that we are wonderful people just trying to survive… tonight and always.
There are so many problems in this world, and it is easy to forget that eating right is my best way to get slim and to stay that way. I have written a thousand times in this journal that I have to remain mindful. I will continue to remind myself.
Chag Sameach… and have a great day!
Tonight the festival of Passover begins and I am going to begin my annual ritual of not eating any bread or ‘risen’ products for eight days. That does not mean that I need to eat healthier, but it definitely limits what I can eat. I will try to be mindful of what I put in my mouth.
I have given a lot of thought to how I have fallen again and am not going to let it happen. I have already said that when my friend starts his program that I will be joining him on that journey to support him. In truth I will be restarting the program because I have, once again, let myself go. I know that I have had tremendous emotional stress over these last six months… it began October 7 with the terrible attacks on Israel, and the realization that so many people around the world are working to spread disinformation designed to spread hatred of my country and my people. The problems in my marriage, many of which stemmed from that attack, made things worse. None of that should matter though. I need to stay strong and focused.
It has been a terrible slide from my best weight in October and I have to put an end to it. While the actual reset on the program will not start until the second week of May, I am going to try to get back to at least not overeating and not eating so many of the wrong foods. If I can do that then I can hopefully start to get back into the mindset of making progress… or at least stopping the slide that has resulted in my gaining nearly fifty pounds from my best weight ever.
This is going to be hard, but I think one of the things that I need to work on is making sure that I start taking this journal serious again… not just writing placeholder articles for days that I miss because when I do not think about weight management then I do not think about my journal.
Have a great day folks!
Okay, change of plans: I am flying to Dallas this morning and not waiting until next Saturday. Why? My wife is having trouble with something that I can help her with, and nothing else matters. You do not mess with my family. She and I have had our issues, but we are working on them and doing very well with that… but even if we were still having trouble then I invite you to reread the italicised sentence: You do not mess with my family. Someone is about to find out that they have messed with the wrong f.cking Jew.
Yes, I continued to stress-eat the last few days… there were a lot of moving pieces that I needed to put right before I could actually make that change to just get onto the airplane, including (but definitely not limited to) asking my very good friends who are taking care of Princess Sophie to pick her up yesterday and not Friday. I had a hundred other things that needed to get done as well, none of which I could do while waiting on hold with American Airlines for nearly two hours trying to change my ticket. I then went nuts getting things done, all of which had to be put on hold while two friends came over for a cigar (one of which was picking up the Princess, the other picking up something that I thought I had another week to get to him). I had banking, shopping, paying bills, sending invoices, and all of that before I packed for a three-week trip. Yes, I was stressed. Oh, and it did not help that I felt that I needed to eat more because there was food in the fridge that would spoil otherwise.
And now I’m at the airport waiting to board. I hope to sleep on the plane, but even if I don’t, I slept pretty well last night. I am excited to see Leslie, and I am girding for the fight to defend her. Do not mess with my family.
Have a great day folks!
Houston… what a terrible airport. United… what a terrible airline. I am looking forward to getting home, that’s all I can say.
I was optimistic in my thinking when I said I would arrive in Houston by 5:30, be check into the hotel at 6:15, and would head to Blend Bar for the evening. It never occurred to me that I would not get out of the airport for over two hours, including a ridiculous ordeal trying to get an Uber. By the time I was settled into my room it was 9:00pm and I was hungry. I headed down to the restaurant, where I was planning to redeem both drink vouchers the manager of the hotel gave me.
I was almost very bad. I almost ordered Buffalo wings… in fact I did, but immediately changed it to a hamburger. While that is not exactly a healthy meal, it could have been much worse. I cannot have Buffalo wings until I am sure that I can have a reasonable amount of them, and only occasionally. I had a beer with dinner, and a glass of red wine after dinner with a cigar outside. I got back to my room around 10:30. I reorganized my luggage (making sure to pack my Duty Free rum into my checked luggage), and then got into bed to wind down for a bit before sleeping.
I slept well but not enough – I could have added 90 minutes to my total had I not opted for the cigar, but that was my choice. I was out of bed five minutes prior to my 6:00M alarm, and went about my morning bathroom rituals. Today was the first day in ten that I had Internet while sitting in the loo, and I checked my email and social media before taking a lovely shower. I closed my suitcases and took them down so that I would not need to return to the room after breakfast.
The hotel itself was very comfortable, and the front desk staff last night (as well as the restaurant) were great. Their shuttle service, on the other hand, was lousy. I emailed the GM (with whom I made friends) and he apologized, telling me that yesterday they turned in their 15-seat van for a much smaller one in anticipation of a slower season… so when I got there in time the driver told me ‘too bad, so sad… o room.’ I had to either pay for my own taxi, or wait until the next one (30 minutes later). Grrr.
Honestly, the hotel room and restaurant were great; everything else since I got to Houston was a shit show, up to and including the rude and dishonest service on the airplane out. I will not bore my readers with the details, but suffice it to say that I will be glad to be back in Canada. I should also mention that the CBP officers were very polite and efficient, and do not EVERYTHING in the Houston airport sucked… only most things.
I probably had slightly more breakfast that I normally would, but I don’t think it was a real cheat. The only real cheat in Houston was a bag of chips after my cigar. I am hoping that the disgusting g airline actually lets me purchase food on board, but I am not holding my breath. Judging from Little Miss Sunshine who ‘helped’ me before we took off, I rather suspect that I’ll be lucky to get a warm glass of spit. If they do actually have what is listed in the magazine, I will have a chicken wrap and a can of chips.
It is presently 10:30am CDT, which means 11:30 in Toronto. We are scheduled to land around 2:15pm, and if all goes well I should be home by 4:15. I’ll run out to pick up a quick bite before class, and will be ready at my computer at 5:30pm. As I said to Leslie earlier, I am not expecting to be able to relax and breathe until a little after 9:00pm tonight. I am really hoping to get a good night sleep in my own bed; with Her Royal Floofness snuggled into my back.
Tomorrow morning I will step onto the bathroom scale for the first time since March 23. I am hoping for a five-pound drop, but as long as I did not gain weight I will be happy. It is great that I am not expecting to gain weight after a vacation… that is usually when people do. My last weigh-in before leaving Canada was a relief for having dropped back below 280 lbs., and I really want to stay there… and then hopefully get below (and stay below) 270 before my upcoming trip to Dallas. I hope I can make it!
I got notification yesterday that my new shirts and sports jacket are arriving tomorrow! It usually takes eight weeks from when I order them, and they have never come in 5 weeks. I am excited but also a little scared… on the 23rd I weighed 12 lbs. more than when I was fitted for them. I am hoping they fit well, and that I do not have to lose a few more pounds until I wear them. I am going to do my best.
With spring coming I might not be using the treadmill very much, only because I want to walk outside. With that said, I have to remember that April in Canada is usually a wet month, and so I have to make sure that if I am not going out then at least I will not be stagnant. I texted my neighbour who is caring for Her Floofness and she told me that it is raining today and tomorrow, so while I might take Floof out for a bit, a power walk is unlikely… not that I would have the time to anyways.
I will try to do some quick grocery shopping before my class so that I will be have food in the house for tomorrow morning. I think I still have enough eggs and milk, but I do not remember what else I might need. I have spent the last ten days eating in restaurants and i want to get off that cadence starting with dinner tonight. It is unlikely that I will have time to cook, but at least I can pick up something ready to eat from the supermarket deli counter.
I am wearing long pants for the first time since I checked into my apartment in Havana on the 24th. It feels a bit weird, but in truth I should have put them on before smoking my cigar in Houston. It was a bit nippy out, at least compared to the weather in Havana. I am sure the 51 sunny degrees I experienced this morning will feel like heaven when I land in Toronto, but that’s life. I only wish I had thought to pack a warmer shirt than I did – I do have a long sleeve guayabera that I had I tended to have to change into when I was on the plane, but as I reorganized my bags to lighten my carry-on, I suspect I packed it into one of my suitcases. Oops! I’ll change at the airport in Toronto once I collect my luggage. I do have a sleeveless vest that I packed in my knapsack so even if my luggage is lost I’ll have SOME protection from the elements.
What else is going on? I have a lot in my mind right now, and am trying to organize my thoughts. When I spoke with the young man from Chabad in Havana he told me they desperately need any Judaica, especially books, and that they do not even have a Torah. I am not sure what I can do about that but I know I am going to look into it and see what I can do to make that right. We will see.
One week from tomorrow will be a special day for me, and I am looking forward to it. I am not talking about it now, but hopefully after Thursday next I’ll be able to say something. I honestly am not sure what I am getting into with it, but it is all about helping people and charities. How can that be bad, right?
Okay, it’s 11:00am and I’m going to shut the phone and see if I can get that chicken wrap. Have a great day folks!
