Losing a part of me

Category: Weather

  • Day 341

    It has been a mostly lazy morning in the Garvis household today. After Princess Sophie and I came in from her walk (the last bit of which involved me carrying her because she was favouring a paw), I had my coffee and futzed around on the Internet. Really, there is not much going on. I did finally schedule my last two sessions with my personal trainer for later in the week, which should help me get on track. As I do a quick self-evaluation of my body, the only thing that is bothering me (other than tightness and creaking from being old) is my knee, but that is only when I am lying down. In addition to supplying me with meds for my ADHD, he also told me that based on my recent bloodwork, my uric acid levels are under control. This does not mean that I will not have the occasional gout flareup, but overall, my body is ready to be working out on a regular basis.

    In a few minutes, Princess Sophie and I will get into the car for the nearly two-hour drive to Strathroy to visit with my friends and their children (my godchildren). Somewhere along the way I will have to fill the gas tank… I noticed that while my levels are not low yet, I know that even if I could get there on what I have, I would not be getting back. Fortunately, the price of gas is not quite where it was a couple of months ago. Also, knowing that I now have teaching contracts for the new year (and prospects for more of them), I am less concerned about money than I was a few weeks ago.

    I had a terrible scare today. This morning, as I bundled up to take Her Floofness out, I noticed that my scarf was missing. In my life I have never been so scared that I might have lost a scarf. This scarf is special though. Aside from being gorgeous and warm and comfortable, it was also the first gift that Leslie made for me. Its sentimental value is through the roof. Knowing that HRF needed to go out (and had been very patient with me as I slept in until 9am, and then took my time in the shower), I grabbed my old backup scarf from the closet. I would deal with this potential heartbreak when I got home… which I did. I called Eduardo (whose house I went to last night for a cigar), and he confirmed that I had left it there. Knowing that it is safe and that I can pick it up later in the week, I breathed a sigh of relief. Crisis averted.

    Knowing what is coming for dinner, I will take a protein bar with me for the car ride to Cam & Amanda’s. I will not risk snacking along the way – there will be too many cheats this day as it is, and I do not feel the need to pile on to that by buying snacks along the road. I have been planning for this turkey meal for weeks, and I am not going to hork it up.

    I took the plunge last night. I have been thinking about doing it for days, and last night as I sat with Eduardo I decided to do it. I went onto Amazon and ordered a pair of Size 40 khakis. I have a couple of pair of jeans in that size, but I have been wearing the Size 42 khakis for a couple of months, and I have had to pull my belt tight to keep them up. I am hoping that if this new pair does not fit immediately, it will within a week or two. With that said, I am optimistic about the new year and what it has to bring. I have not been on track with regard to my weight loss, but I also have not lost any ground; that itself is a victory. I am not nearly done… but for the time being, I want to be comfortable in my clothes. If (or I suppose when) they fit, I will order another pair (or two), and will be able to donate my current Size-42s to charity, and notch up one more non-scale victory… which I will not do until I know that they fit.

    It is cloudy out, but it is mostly dry, and the high winds that have been exacerbating the recent cold spell have abated. Today’s high is -4°, although that number should be a bit lower where I am going. As long as the driving conditions are okay, I won’t mind. Princess Sophie will get to try her new car-harness, which would keep her safer in the event of an accident, but will also make for less distracted driving, as I will not have to focus on where she is at all times.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 340

    It’s Christmas Day, and Princess Sophie and I will be relaxing at home for most of it. Yes, she woke me up in the middle of the night to go out again, because she absolutely hates the weather, so she holds her business until she realizes that she can’t anymore. I appreciate the consideration; I just wish she had it at 9:30pm and not 2:15am. I love my doggie, so despite my issues falling asleep the last little while, I got bundled up and took her out. Fortunately, she was not dawdling… she did her business, and then made a beeline for the front door of the building.

    Despite my best planning, I had to go out yesterday afternoon… to the store… in violation of every rule that I have ever set for myself. I was not careful, and I spilled the last of the milk, meaning I could either venture out and brave the cold, the wind, and the holiday hordes, or I could drink my coffee this morning black. I do so when I have to, but I really do prefer a little bit of cow-juice in my coffee, and my morning coffee is one of my constant pleasures in life, through good times and bad.

    While I was at the store, I decided to splurge. Yes, my diet has gone to crap through these last few days and weeks, but I am still essentially treading water. I decided to buy myself fancy buns and meatless hamburgers, and I made them for dinner… even though I had already eaten my daily meal. The bigger mistake that I made for my meal plan was having that in the evening, after having my chicken earlier in the day. I should not be eating carbs and starches at night; if I am going to eat them, I should be doing so earlier in the day. I bought two of the buns, but only ate one of them last night. I will correct this mistake today and will have (meatless) hamburgers for lunch. Of course, since they are vegetarian burgers, I might even add some cheese to them today. Happy Holidays!

    I was hoping that the winds would die down so that I could enjoy a cigar on the balcony today, but that is not in the cards. Depending on whether I listen to the CBC (who predicted a forecast high of -2°, or the weather app on my phone (which has it at -5°), the winds are not dying down today. They should abate in the middle of the night, and tomorrow should be better. HRF and I are driving to Strathroy tomorrow to visit with my godchildren tomorrow, so it is unlikely that I will be smoking – unless I decide to enjoy a cigar in the car. Tuesday, however, shows a forecast of partly cloudy with a high of -3°, which would make for a perfect day to spend a couple of hours on the balcony… as long as I bundle up and light up the heater. We will see.

    It is incredible what a difference a year makes. I remember spending last Christmas with my wife (then girlfriend) and it was wonderful… but I was at or near my absolute heaviest weight; despite my joy at spending the week with Leslie, I hated myself. I did not have to look into the mirror to feel it, I remember the difficulties I had tying my shoes, I remember hating that even my XXXL shirts did not fit properly, and I hated that I needed to buy a 4XL ski jacket, because the jacket that I had worn for fifteen years wasn’t just tight, I actually could not close it up. Walking Princess Sophie was a chore, and we would hardly walk to the corner before turning around and heading back. I remember the difficulty in just bending down to pick up after her, and how embarrassed I was that I had to struggle to do so. Today I am married to a woman who loves me. I am ninety pounds lighter than I was; in warm weather, I can walk ten miles, and at a very good pace. I am wearing Size 40-42 pants, and shirts that are either XXL and loose on me, or XL and fitting properly. I can bend down to tie my shoes, or I can do what was not so long ago unthinkable and cross my leg (without bending down to pull it over) to tie them. I still look in the mirror and see that I am extremely overweight… but despite plateaus, I am still trending down toward where I want to be. I may not truly love myself yet… but I see great potential, especially with the recent realizations of what many of my real problems are and beginning on the road to fixing them.

    Why do I plateau? The physiological answer is simple… I stop following my meal program religiously, and I cheat. The psychological answer is not so simple, nor is it as simple as saying ‘here’s something we can point to that is the reason for cheating.’ In 2017 I lost nearly a hundred pounds, and I did so in a twelve-week period. It was intense, it was regimented, it was absolutely unforgiving. When the program was over, it did not take very long for my weight to creep back up, until I was back to where I started… and worse. 2019-20 was not so different. I think those two times I was so unforgiving of myself that when my life got more difficult, I forgot the lessons I learned – just like after my military service, I let all the regimented strict behaviour go. I hope that this time around, taking longer but being more forgiving of myself will allow me to not revert back to old behaviours once the program is over. I have to remember that cheat meals might be an occasional indulgence, but not a daily one. I have to remember that portion size matters, and that if I go overboard on a given day, the following day cannot be a continuation of that… despite the fact that I will feel hungrier and tempted to indulge. I have to stay focused… forever. So yes, I have these plateaus, and I sometimes beat myself up over them. I have to find a way to make sure that they stay in check, even though they are going to happen.

    This current plateau (which has now lasted a month) has to end, not with my going back up, but by getting back on track. I know that tomorrow I will be indulging at Cam and Amanda’s house for Boxing Day, and I know that New Years Eve I will be indulging at Lyle and Dorothy’s… although that one will be less of an indulgence, knowing that while they are gourmet chefs, they have been trying to lose weight (even before Lyle’s stroke). Aside from that? I will be back in the gym this week, and I will be back on my program. Today I am making the correction to eat my hamburger (with the seeded ciabatta bun) at lunch and will have chicken as an early dinner. I will not be buying any more breads, with the exception of challah rolls for the Sabbath. I will not be buying any more popcorn or pop chips – While a serving portion may not be bad for my program, I do not yet have the willpower to limit myself to a serving portion. I have said it a few times this week… Focus.

    In addition to focus, which has been a theme these last few days, I have to include awareness. I have to be aware of everything that I eat, and everything that I buy at the store. As an example: a couple of days ago, I decided to buy a box of Corn Flakes so that I could make a different chicken recipe for myself. The fact that the box of cereal was here means that Mr. No-Willpower had the means and opportunity to have two bowls of it a couple of nights ago. Does that mean I cannot make my different chicken recipe because I cannot withstand even the slightest temptation? No… but rather than buying the cereal, I will look for breadcrumbs that have similar nutritional value, but no temptation to eat.

    I am over eleven months into this program, and I still do not feel that I have built the willpower to withstand temptation. That does not mean that I have not changed (or at least started to change) the unhealthy relationship I have with food. Not only am I more aware of my dietary requirements for my religious progression, I have also noticed that some foods are just less appetizing to me when I see them in advertisements. That is not to say that I did not steal one chicken wing from my son the other night when we were out for dinner… but the fact that I only stole the one chicken wing shows real progress. As for the salad that I ordered, which was delivered in an edible bowl: I took a very small taste of it, and then crushed it down and doused it with water so that I would not be tempted to eat it. The speaks to my awareness that is better than it was; I knew that eating the bowl was a bad idea, so I took action to eliminate its allure.

    Today is Day five of my medication journey, and I am seeing some real improvement. As I mentioned yesterday, I do not know if that is because I am looking for it, and so I am behaving the way I want to be… or if I am really seeing a difference from the medications. It might be a little of both, but in the meantime, this journal entry (which is now close to 1,700 words) was done with only minor interruptions… I got up to pour another cup of coffee, and while I did, I realized that the tower of wrapped presents that was perched on the side of my desk might fall if I did not move them, and so I did. Other than that, I have been writing from the time I sat down. Is that medicated focus, or is that my wanting to be focused? I don’t know… maybe it is a little of both.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 339

    It is Christmas Eve, and, as usual, I have received a couple of notes from friends asking if I was okay. They know that with Leslie in Texas, I am alone for the holiday. What they do not understand is that it is not my holiday. I respect that with all the hype around it, people naturally think that everyone celebrates Christmas. I do not. I will not sit about the house sulking the next two days. I will go about my business as I normally would on a day off. Why? Because that is what it is. I am not sad or morose being alone… at least, no more so than I usually am when Leslie and I are apart. I wish all of my Christian friends a very merry Christmas, as I look forward to lighting the candles for the seventh night of Chanukah this evening.

    HRF Princess Sophie is not a fan of weather. She does not like extreme cold or wind and is truly opposed to any form of precipitation. She is my true California Girl. I was not surprised, knowing that she was out late in the afternoon yesterday, that she was not setting foot out the front door last night… but I knew that sometimes comes with consequences. No, she did NOT have an accident, but at 4:20am she told me that it was time to go out. The snow was still coming down lightly, the winds were howling, and the thermometer read -17°. We got to the threshold, and she took one look outside and thought better of it. We went back upstairs, but she looked at me with those expressive eyes and said ‘Daddy, I HATE the weather… but I am a princess, and this princess will NOT do her business inside her castle. Let’s go back downstairs… but it’s going to be FAST!’

    All of this to say that between the storm and my dog, I am not getting a lot of steps in these few days. While the storm seems to have passed, I am staying true to my plan to stay home unless I get an unexpected last-minute invitation from someone that I cannot turn down. The snow may be over but that does not mean that all of the roads are properly cleared and salted. Yes, I drive a Subaru, and yes, it is not only equipped with all-wheel drive, but also with four snow tyres. As I reminded a friend yesterday, you can have all of the right equipment to stay safe, and you can drive as cautiously as you will; that will not protect you from the dunderhead coming down the road who is neither equipped for winter driving nor smart enough to drive slowly and cautiously who will crash into you because they cannot control their car on the icy roads. I would rather stay safe than embark out in possibly dangerous driving conditions if I can avoid it. Of course, the fact that it is seventeen degrees below zero with howling winds does not increase my desire to risk it!

    I have not slept well these last couple of nights. I should probably amend that to I have had trouble falling asleep, because really, once I fall asleep, I am fine. I tried to sleep without taking a melatonin gummy last night, but at 1:00am I relented and downed one. The fact that I had to wake up in the middle of the night, get dressed (for very cold and snowy conditions), go outside (twice), and then come back upstairs, get undressed, and try to fall asleep again did not contribute to my good night’s sleep… but it did contribute to my deciding to sleep in again this morning.

    Last night, for reasons I cannot figure, I indulged in a large bowl of Corn Flakes. Added to the challah rolls that I ate for Shabbat, and we have yet another failed day. My weight stayed where it was the previous day, but that is not a success. Today will be better. That seems to be another theme these days. I need to get through today and tomorrow, knowing that Monday I will be driving to Strathroy to see my godchildren, and knowing what their mother is likely to serve (and how powerless I am to decline her oh so yummy kryptonite). My goal is to be two pounds lighter by then, which I can only achieve if I do not cheat on my program the next couple of days.

    They say that when it rains, it pours. In October, I had a major career setback, which I thought might put an end to my career as a technical trainer. These last few weeks I have made some new contacts, and reconnected with a couple of old ones, and have some great prospects (not to mention actual training contracts) coming in the new year. I remember how despondent I was when I realized where I was at just two months ago. Now it seems like I have a bright future in my preferred field… if we put aside that I’d rather spend my life as a cigar-smoking sommelier and raconteur!

    While we only stepped outside for a brief moment this morning, Princess Sophie is happy to have her friend Charlie here for a playdate. While the pair of them combine to be one hell of a distraction to my writing (between begging for treats, jumping on my lap, and whatnot), they are happy, which makes me happy. I admitted to Leslie earlier in the year that Princess Sophie is not really an emotional support animal. With the emotional turmoil I have gone through these last weeks, I am beginning to think that what started as a farce to bring her into my office at Sony Pictures might not be a real benefit to me. I have been terribly down at times in the last month, and she has made life a little more bearable for me. I will speak with my therapist about that when she and I begin meeting mid-January.

    Yes, I have been distracted while writing this journal entry, and not only by dogs. But hey, it is Saturday, it is Christmas Eve, and it is holy-crap-degrees-below-zero outside, so I am in no rush to be done with it. I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday, and the best for a great new year!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 337

    I cheated yesterday. Sorry, not sorry.

    It started after my doctor’s appointment. I went shopping and I decided, in addition to my regular chicken, that I would also buy a couple of packages of meatless hamburgers with the wonderful, seeded buns that Leslie and I discovered. By the time I came home, I was extremely hungry – I had eaten my morning meal replacement quite early, and due to several delays, it was way past lunchtime. I prepared one of the buns and two of the burgers. They were delicious! They also did not completely satisfy me, and an hour later I decided to prepare a piece of chicken with salad. With that, I was good… and would have been sated for the evening, had my ex-wife not told me (at 3:00pm) that I was invited to join her and our son for dinner that evening. I had a salad, but it was still a cheat meal.

    I took my first Adderall yesterday after shopping. Since my appointment with the therapist last week, I have been thinking about all of the issues that I have, many of which affect not only me but others around me, that can be attributed to ADHD, and I have been anxiously and eagerly waiting to see my doctor so that I could get a prescription. My doctor is extremely cautious, and insists we start with a low dose. I am hoping that in the next few days I will see tremendous improvements in my focus.

    It was wonderful to see my son (the younger) and to light the candles with him. I felt so bad that I forgot the presents that I bought for him at home (along with the Channukah gelt), but that will only give me another opportunity to see him in the next few days… after the storm. Yes, we are expecting a storm that should begin this evening with rain; as the temperatures drop, the rain will transition to snow. Anyone who has lived in Canada will realize that a bad storm that starts as rain and turns to snow means that the rain that has already fallen turns to ice and makes for extremely dangerous winter conditions. The walking will be bad, but the driving will be terrible and dangerous. The prescribed advice by Environment Canada (as well as basic common sense) is to stay home. The rain is set to start in the evening, so any errands that might be needed should be done earlier in the day. I went shopping yesterday, so there is not a lot that I need… but I will go to Fortino’s to pick up challah rolls for tomorrow’s Shabbat prayers. After that? The only time I need to go outside is to walk Her Royal Floofness; she is quite unimpressed by stormy weather, whether that be a little rain or a giant winter vortex. She will step outside briefly to do her business, but she will be back inside before my step counter reaches 200.

    My only obligation today is a meeting with a company I plan to do some training for in the new year. That consists of familiarizing myself with their LMS (Learning Management System) environment, and then a quick orientation meeting to welcome me to the team. I know… dress professional, speak professional, take attendance, look good so we look good. I am happy to comply! After that, I will head to the store for what little provisions I need. After that? Knowing the storm is coming, I might sit outside under the heater (the calm before the storm) and enjoy a cigar. We’ll see.

    Leslie asked me yesterday afternoon if I was feeling a sudden laser-focus after taking my first meds, and I did not. Truth be told, I was thinking from beginning that the first indicator that I was experiencing any benefits from the medications would be the level of distraction writing this journal entry. So often these last few months I have taken over an hour to write, not because I am slow, but because I am easily distracted. Whether it be email or Facebook or whatever, on days when I do not have appointments it is not uncommon for me to start writing at 9:00am and finish a thousand-word entry three hours later. While I did get pulled away briefly (the training company sent me an email asking for some information), I still think I have gotten through this entry with more focus than usual. I started at 9:10am; it is now 9:40am, and I am ready to wrap it up. Is this because of the meds, or is it because I said to myself that this is what I needed to do in order to show measurable progress? I do not know… but it is one of those, and I suppose that my wanting to show progress and thus making progress is in and of itself progress. To quote an old adage: Fake it until you make it!

    The numbers on the scale this morning were exactly where I expected they would be, knowing how badly I veered from the program yesterday. Today I will do better, and tomorrow’s numbers will reflect that.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 330

    After another mostly good day on the program yesterday, I was secretly hoping that the bathroom scale would have me back into best-weight-ever territory. I had to settle for a .6 lbs. drop to tie my previous best, which was back over a month ago (November 11). Hopefully I can register another cheat-free day today (I actually did cheat yesterday because I was running late leaving Eduardo’s place and heading to the gym). Yes, that means I worked out (with my personal trainer, as well as a couple of kilometres on the treadmill).

    I am still trying to achieve my goal of losing one hundred pounds in 2022. I said yesterday that when you shoot for the stars, if you fall short then you can still hit the moon. Leaving aside for the moment the myriad other celestial bodies between here and there, I have almost ignored that between where I am now and that one-hundred-pound mark there is another major milestone. Even if I do not achieve that one in 2022, I really want to get below the three hundred pounds mark; I am only three pounds shy of that right now, and I have sixteen days to achieve it. Absent other factors, I might be planning a steak dinner celebration for dropping below that mark. Not this time, folks… not with there being only five pounds between that milestone, and the one-hundred-pounds-lost milestone. I may be refocusing my immediate short-term goals on the 300-pounds, but I am not forgetting that losing one hundred pounds in the calendar year is still an achievable goal… and would be that much harder if I were to indulge. A few weeks ago, I had plenty of leeway to veer from the program and still achieve these two goals. Right now, with just over two weeks left in the calendar year, I have zero room for mistakes.

    With my new mattress in place, I should mention another non-scale victory that I have noticed over the last month or so, and not just today. Even when I was twenty pounds heavier, if I would sit on the end of my bed, it would pop the back of the bed up. With the design of the bedframe, the front wheels (which are a couple of feet behind the front) would act as a fulcrum, and my excessive weight would force the front of the bed down. That is not happening anymore, and I am happy for that. I can now sit on the front to put my socks and shoes on, which might in a small way prevent a recurrence of the damage that necessitated replacing the mattress in the first place. After all, it was not my lying in the middle of the bed that damaged the sides.

    The weather today is horrible. Freezing rain for the morning, then snow… lots of it. I would like to stay home and not even walk outside for a minute, but at the same time I feel my throat is bothering me a little, and knowing that I have to teach this evening, I really should stock up on lozenges. I might bite the bullet and run out to the pharmacy before it gets too bad. As it stands, Princess Sophie has now twice stood in the frame of the front door, looked at the weather, and refused to go outside. Fortunately, her bladder is as strong as her resolve, and has never had an accident yet (when she was not sick). Now the question of the day is simple: To go to the druggist, or to suffer through this evening with no lozenges. Stay tuned.

    Because I was running late yesterday (the traffic from Eduardo’s to the gym was lousy) I did not get to do as much pre-workout warming up/stretching as I would have liked. Fortunately, at my age it is clear that things that I once took for granted can now be considered exercise. These include the getting up from a seated position without using my hands, and the getting into and out of the car stretches. Yes, I am feeling my age these days. The workout yesterday was not painful, but some of the exercises reminded me that I am middle aged, overweight, and out of shape. I am working on all of that… or at least on two out of three. I am not sure what I can do to not be middle aged anymore.

    I have my weekly check-in with my diet buddy this afternoon. The only thing I can say that is better than last week is that my weight is down. My mood and situation have not improved much, and if anything, things are worse now than they were then. I know I should not be so affected by outside factors, but it is hard. I am trying to stay positive, hoping that the current situation is just temporary, and that things will get better. I hope that things will get better. I am praying that things will get better. Most importantly, I am trying to work on bettering myself so that things have a better chance of getting better.

    Okay, I should not put it off any longer, as the driving conditions are not getting any better between now and class time. I’ll venture out, praising my snow tyres the whole time.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 326

    I have to remain strong today. Yesterday went almost identically to Friday, with the exception of the challah – there was none. I was down below 305 lbs., but now it is time to get serious. We are ten days from New Years Eve; if I am going to achieve my 100-pound loss in the year 2022, I have to lose just about one pound per day between now and then. It will be tough.

    Today is the first snowy day of the season. It is not the first time we have seen snow, which did happen a few times in November. Rather, it was the first time we woke up to significant accumulation outside. The cars are covered, the streets and sidewalks and lawns are equally white. Princess Sophie, never a fan of precipitation, was not impressed. I could not coax her beyond the grassy area just outside the door, where she did her business quickly before turning around and heading right back inside. I know that when Charlie goes out later she will be more willing to venture further, but alone she was having none of it. All this to say that if I want to get any exercise today, I will be heading to the gym… which was part of my plan anyways.

    I am still down. I do not want to document here why I am down but suffice it to say that I really hope that the therapist I reached out to is able to fit me into her schedule. I know that I cannot fix me without outside help. I only hope that I can get that help without waiting too long, which might have consequences. I am thinking that is she does not get back to me by then, I will ask my doctor for another recommendation the next time I see him, which will be in ten days.

    I am going to spend a little time studying before heading to the gym. My original plan was to stay home so as to avoid external temptations, but I think the gym is a smart move. I will go after lunch, which means that I will not be tempted to stop along the way… and that I will have energy stored in my body from the meal. No, there will not be any carbohydrates in my lunch, but I am not going to do anything severe enough to need them. I will start slow.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 316

    I am just in from walking Princess Sophie. If there is one thing we can count on in Canada it is that sometime around December 1st we are going to truly notice that it is winter. I was listening to CBC Radio, and they were talking about the blustery weather in downtown Toronto. I would not classify the weather here in Burlington as blustery, but it is certainly cold and windy. While I doubt that this is quite what Shakespeare was talking about, now truly is the winter of our discontent… unless you happen to like cold and blustery weather.

    The weather turned on a dime yesterday. When I took Her Floofness for her morning walk, it was hovering around 9° Celsius. When I left Eduardo’s apartment after the second football match, it was hovering around the freezing point, with gusting winds and a bit of snow. When I came home, I prepared my meal, and had been pretty good on my program to that point. Later in the evening, I took Princess Sophie for another walk, and it was cold and windy; it was the sort of weather that gets into your bones, and I just could not warm up when we came home. I decided to warm up some of my homemade chicken soup. A couple of bowls later, my insides were nice and warm.

    CBC Radio did a segment this morning about scarves. They sent a correspondent out to ask people about their scarves, and even invited listeners to call in to discuss their heartwarming scarf stories. A year ago I would have laughed at the idea. As they talked to passers by about theirs, I thought of the scarf that I was wearing. It was knit for me with love by the woman who I would later marry, but at the time we were dating. It is not only warm and long and gorgeous, I feel especially warm when wearing it because of the love that went into it. While the broadcaster discussed people having a variety of scarves in their wardrobe for different occasions, I thought of the two that I have. The first I bought in Nara, Japan. While it is made of silk and very pretty, it has not made an appearance around my neck since Leslie gave me the scarf she made for me. I love it and cherish it. I should also mention that it is sized perfectly, because even though I am nearly ninety pounds slimmer than when she gave it to me, it still fits!

    Speaking of weight loss: my weight once again dipped below the 310-pound mark today. I am going to do much the same today as I did yesterday, and hopefully I will drop another pound tomorrow morning. We’ll see. In the meantime, I am going to head to Eduardo’s. He is going to try to feed me (as he did yesterday). I am going to politely but persistently refuse. As long as I can smoke my cigars, I am happy. I also have a couple of meal replacement shakes with me… should I get hungry.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 295

    My weight seems to be back on track today. While I am still 1lb above my best weight from a few days ago, I am a full 3 lbs. down from yesterday’s disgusting reading.

    The thing is, I stepped onto the analog scale at the gym yesterday, which is probably more accurate than the one I have at home. I did weigh myself after my workout, which can be deceptive, but the needle was straddling the 300 lbs. line. I would be extremely happy if that was the accurate reading; with that said, I have been trusting my bathroom scale at home for nearly 300 days of weight loss, and however inaccurate it might be, it is a mostly consistent inaccurate.

    I went to the gym yesterday, splitting my time between the treadmill and the elliptical trainer. While I know how long I was on the two machines (slightly under an hour), I do not have accurate measures of my distance or pace. Had I written down what registered on the machines I would have that information; unfortunately, based on my redundant fitness trackers (fitness watch, smartphone app) I have nothing other than the times. I have to remember going forward that when I am holding on to the handles of the machine (which it likes to prod you to do for heart rate monitoring) it is impossible for those devices to detect footfalls… or if not impossible, then at least highly inaccurate. With the elliptical trainer, you do not have a choice. On the treadmill, I do. I’ll remember that from now on.

    This afternoon I am working out with my personal trainer for the first time in five years. While I did work out with a personal trainer when I was living in Ottawa in 2018, I always preferred working with Kezi, who I worked with for a few years when I was previously living in Burlington. We had our first session together on Tuesday, but that was just for her to see where I was at, what my goals and expectations are, and to weigh me. Today is when the real workouts begin. She did give me a series of eight warm-up exercises that she wants me to do prior to our session. Stretching and warming up has always been my Achilles heel. I know that they are important and will go into the gym today 30 minutes early to get that done. I know that I am not a young man anymore, and the chance of injury is higher than it once was. I promise to do the stretches!

    Last night when I came in from the balcony, I decided to crack open the clothes-that-do-not-fit-yet bins. We did not go deep into the short sleeve shirts because it will not be t-shirt weather for a while now, but I did pull out three long-sleeved t-shirts that fit just fine… and which definitely did not fit when I packed them into the bins. To my slight disappointment, there were no Size 40 pants. This is because when I was losing weight last time, I ordered a few pair from Amazon, but slid down to the Size 38 so quick that I was able to return those and exchange them for the smaller size. I do have two bags marked Sizes 38/36, which I know will take me a while to open. In the meantime, in a few weeks I will likely be buying a couple of pair of Size 40 pants (my 30” inseam should not have changed).

    The number of clothes-that-do-not-fit-yet bins has shrunk from five to two or one, depending on how we classify the Taekwondo bin (much of which did not fit, but would fit now). I was able to amalgamate a couple last night and eliminate one more this morning. I had one that was suits; one suit is still going to be tight, and the sports jacket does not fit… yet; they are close enough that they can be taken to the dry cleaners and then hang in my closet. There are two suit jackets that are too big, and they are going into the ‘donate now’ bin today. Even if they did fit, I am not sure I still have the matching pants. Nevertheless, dropping from five do-not-fit bins to two is a huge sign of amazing progress, especially on days when I look at myself and still see a fat man.

    Today is going to be another gorgeous day in Burlington, Ontario… one of the last ones of the season, it would seem. While both tomorrow and Saturday have forecast highs of 14°/13° Celsius respectively, tomorrow has an 80% chance of rain, and Saturday will be cloudy all day. With a forecast high of 18° today with sun all day, it will be my last day to sit outside comfortably. I will do just that. I will see if Eduardo wants to come over again, knowing that he would have to come earlier and leave by 4:00pm, so that I can get to the gym for my torture session with Kezi!

    I am making one minor adjustment to my nutrition regimen today. Prior to my workouts, I am going to stop and pick up a handful of dried fruit – usually apricots, but that can change at a whim – to get some carbohydrates before I hit the gym. Walking is one thing, if I am going to be doing anaerobic muscle-building exercises, I should have some carbs in my system for fuel. Aside from that, I will try to not cheat today. I will have my usual lunch, and then I will have a cigar on the balcony… whether Eduardo comes over or not.

    My diet buddy is on her way home. She checked out of the hospital yesterday and crossed the border into the USA. Today she and her partner will be flying across the continent, arriving home sometime this evening I would imagine. We knew in advance that we would not be checking in today, although she has been sending me progress reports, so I know she is okay. I look forward to chatting with her again next week. How cool would it be if by then I drop below the 300-pound mark!?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 292

    I am back from the doctor’s office, where I was pleased to be down 1kg. Oddly, the same scale that converts from kilos to pounds had me down much more in the imperial system… oh well.

    My doctor is extremely pleased with my weight loss progress over the last 10 months and told me as much. He is also impressed by my blood pressure (97/67). I am at no risk of hypertension. He said that the last time we did a blood screen I was okay, so there is no need to do that again ahead of schedule… sometime early next year I would think.

    Something else the doctor discussed with me is a new medication that is a once per week injection that suppresses the appetite and helps with weight loss. He asked if I have medical benefits and I told him I do not. Aside from it being quite pricey, he agrees that I do not currently need it, and that when my progress abated then we can discuss it again. Maybe when I move to the US I could get it… but I am hoping that by then, I will no longer be obese.

    I cheated yesterday. I am embarrassed to say that I gorged on crackers, but I did. I have to do better today!

    Eduardo is feeling better, and will come over later in the afternoon for a cigar and a chat. I was worried about him, and am glad that he is better.

    I really miss my wife. I am counting the days until she comes to see me, which is now eleven days away. Will I meet my goal of weighing under 300 lbs. by then? The potential is there… as long as I do not continue to cheat on a regular basis! I want to put on a suit and take her out on the town all dolled up. That is my current goal!

    After the doctor, I had my winter tyres put onto my car, as well as an oil change. While oil changes will never go away, this should be my last season of winter tyres… unless the US State Department drags their feet. I am crossing my fingers that does not happen, and that a year from now I am living with Leslie. I miss her too much for this to drag on!

    The weather has not quite turned, but under the sunny skies, it is a much cooler day today than it was Saturday. Even yesterday was warmer, but the wind negated that. I can definitely feel the winter coming. In Canada, that means warm weather clothes, turning the heat on (at home and in the car), and switching out trainers for winter boots. Ahh, the joys of Canadian winters are plentiful…

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 290

    I am in Facebook Jail. I have to stop telling idiots who instigate cops that they are idiots. Facebook, I’ll see you Friday!

    I finished up with the soup today… almost. I now have seven plastic containers in the fridge filled with Jewish Penicillin, and the kitchen has been completely cleaned. The only step left is to take the congealed fat (chicken schmaltz) off the top of each container before freezing them all. I will do that today. For the most part though, I stayed out of the kitchen.

    As has become my habit these last few weeks, I bought two challah rolls for the Shabbat blessing yesterday; following the blessings, I indulged in them with some peanut butter. I decided that would replace not one but at least two meal replacements. My food intake yesterday was a meal replacement shake in the morning, my regular lunch, a mid-afternoon meal replacement bar, and then around sundown I had the challah. Nothing after that, save for a nice cigar on the balcony. The result? This morning my weight was down .4lbs. I am not back into best-ever territory, but I am back below the ‘When Mitchell Met Leslie’ milestone.

    These last few days have been what we used to call Indian Summer, although I truly hope that term has fallen out of favour. It is not often that on November 4th I have been able to sit on the balcony in Canada wearing short sleeves and be comfortable. For my evening cigar (which accompanied another James Bond movie) I did put on a jacket, although I could have gotten away with a long-sleeved shirt. No matter, it was quite pleasant. Today’s forecast is more of the same, although there is a chance of rain later in the day. Tomorrow is forecast to be warm and sunny, and I have been invited to a herf in Georgetown. That should be fun, although I rather suspect someone will try to get me to eat. I will do my best to abstain, sticking to my program.

    I should be getting together with Eduardo later today for a cigar, and hopefully our friend Sam will join us. He has been rather difficult to pin down of late, but he has a lot of family obligations, and I do not blame him. It will be nice to see him though.

    So much for that. I just got off the phone with Eduardo, who is not feeling well today. He had a bad reaction from a vaccine yesterday (either flu or pneumonia) and is going to take it easy today. To see how easy I can shift, I am going to take Princess Sophie to Cambridge to hang out with Ryan and the gang. Knowing that, the goal is much more important: Do not snack! I have to be able to sit there and resist all of the temptations. To that end, I plan to:

    1. Go after I have had a satisfying lunch.
    2. Bring a couple of good cigars, that are tastier than the chazerei they always have sitting about.
    3. When Glen tries to tempt me, punch him in the face!
    4. Bring a couple of meal replacement bars, in case I do get hungry.

    Okay, Number 3 is exaggerated. I will simply thank him and decline. That might be easier. I have already ruined my relationship with Ryan’s sister (because of her boyfriend who thought it was funny to tell Hitler jokes about gassing Jews to me). I want to stay in the good graces of at least most of the family!

    I want to wake up tomorrow back under 305lbs. The only way I can do that is to stay on track, stay on course, and do not succumb to temptation. No problems, right? Sounds simple, right? Simple… but not easy.

    Have a great day folks!