Losing a part of me

Category: Weight Loss

  • Day 331

    I have a very specific weight loss program that I try to follow. When I follow it religiously, I lose weight. When I do not follow it, I do not lose weight. It is not more complicated than that. As the title of this journal entry says, today is the three hundred and thirty-first day that I have been on my weight loss journey, but if I had to guesstimate how long I have been following this specific program, I would guess a little less than half of that time.

    Being dishonest about weight loss is like arguing with the petrol gauge in your car. You can fight and make excuses and explain why you had to accelerate and brake so often, and nothing will change the fact that you have burned through X number of litres of petrol. Likewise, I can claim that I have been good, I can swear that I ate well, but at the end of the day, the numbers on the scales will be what they are, despite all reasons and excuses. I could write in this journal (as I have daily for three hundred and thirty-one days) that I was good on the program on previous days, but the numbers on the scale will be honest no matter what I write herein. In other words, lying will help nobody.

    Yesterday I was not only within the parameters of my program, I was under them. I am usually allowed my morning meal replacement, my afternoon meal, then a meal replacement in the late afternoon, and one in the evening. I drink one pot of coffee per day which amounts to 3.5 mugs, each with a splash of milk and a little less than half a teaspoon of raw sugar. Because I was teaching last night, I also added two cups of tea (Japanese Royal Milk Tea, 60 kcal each) and two lozenges (of which I am unsure of the nutritional contents). However, I consciously decided to forego my last meal replacement, which should more than counterbalance the extra calories and carbohydrates from the tea and lozenges.

    Yesterday was the second or third consecutive day in which I was completely true to the program. I wrote in my journal entry yesterday that according to the bathroom scale, I was even with my best-weight-ever. I expected this morning to surpass that number, which a loss of even a couple of ounces would have accomplished. It was more than a little frustrating to step onto the scale to see very much the opposite of what I had expected and hoped for. I had gained nearly 2.5 lbs.

    Fuck you, diet.

    I do not like gaining weight, no matter the reason. When my weight gain is a consequence of cheating on my food program, I understand and grudgingly accept it. I did this, therefore that happened. For every action there are consequences, right? When I do not cheat, I expect to lose weight. Often times, I will not lose, but I will not gain. I don’t much care for that either, but I accept it. This, however, is total crap. It is bullshit. A 2.5-pound gain after three days without cheating? No, Ma’am! I do not accept that as normal or justified.

    Yes, I am pissed off this morning. It does not matter to me that I weighed myself two hours earlier than I normally do (as I am teaching an early class this morning). Might that make a difference? Maybe… but it should not. Also, it is not like I can have a do-over… I cannot just strip naked at 7:45am and re-weigh myself, expecting the numbers on the scale to be better. My first cup of coffee and my morning meal replacement would render any potential change meaningless. No, I have to wait until tomorrow. This stumble also means that I have lost two more days in my quest to achieve my goals before the end of the year, which is fast approaching and almost here.

    I am teaching all day today, which means that during the day I will be mostly at my desk. I have not yet decided if I will try to eat my meal at lunch time, or if I will make it a Shabbat dinner. I am leaning toward the latter, because I do not want to rush my lunch. With that said, if I eat in the evening, I should probably forego the weekly indulgence of the challah bread… or at least, if I do get it, then I will buy one and not two of them. I know that challah is, for me, a kryptonite, and if it is here then I will eat it. I will have a k’zayt of wine (the smallest measure that Talmud allows us to say the kiddush over), but that is it. Also, judging by my current level of fatigue, I might need to prepare and consume a second pot of coffee today. We will see…

    There are now fifteen days left in 2022, and I am back to 6.5 pounds from the 300-pound milestone, and 11.5 pounds from the 100-pounds lost milestone. The fewer days remaining in the year, the less hopeful I am that I can achieve either of these. Yesterday I was a lot more optimistic than I am this morning. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. This morning just sucks.

    It is funny that I should be so down today. Yesterday I thought I was taking a step toward feeling better. In fact, I know that I did. I also know that the first step to fixing as defective heart is often for a surgeon to cut you open and spread your rib cage to cut into it. Yesterday was my first appointment with my therapist in five years. Therapy is meant to take a lot of time before the first breakthroughs come, so I expect that both she and I were surprised when we came to a major realization that might be causing so many of the issues I am having in our very first session. It was unexpected to say the least. The fact that it is also possible that these issues are perfectly normal given a possible diagnosis, and that they can be resolved with a simple medication is also a huge shock. I will be following up with my family physician next week, and if he is able to simply prescribe such a medication, we will be able to monitor for improvements in a relatively short time. If not, then I might need to be referred to a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis, which will take more time (but which will likely provide even more insight). That does not mean that I will not be continuing with the therapy – I will be. Hopefully, between the medication and the therapy, we will be able to see improvements in a relatively short time. No promises, but here’s hoping.

    This evening I will light the Sabbath candles, and I will pray for peace, joy, and health for my wife, my children, and for myself. I will also continue to pray for my friend who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, and who this week was informed that the cancer has spread and is quite aggressive. I will pray for her and for her family. I will pray for all of my friends and loved ones, and I will pray for peace. I think these last few weeks, more than anything, I have needed to pray for peace in the world but also in my heart and soul. I have been missing it, and I need to find it again.

    As an aside, as I type this paragraph, this journal should hit the 270,000 words mark. It is hard to believe that despite all of my ups and downs, throughout everything I have gone through this year, that I have, for the most part, stuck with the program. I remember a year ago telling Leslie that I would be starting my diet in the new year, and while it took a few extra weeks, I did… and I have stuck with it. No, I have not stuck with it with the religious fervor that I might have, but I have been trying. I have not given up, and three hundred and thirty-one days later, I have written my thoughts and feelings and stratagem in this journal. Four hundred and twelve pages of my thoughts. I have read books shorter than this. Yes, there is a lot of repetition, but I am not trying to write a Dickens novel, only a weight loss journal. I was accused recently of giving up and not finishing what I start. While that is true in a lot of things (and which might also be helped with medication if the diagnosis is correct), I have not given up on losing weight. I have a long way to go… but I am still on track.

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    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 310

    My diet buddy had to cancel yesterday’s meeting for professional reasons. She is a teacher in a school and was acting principal yesterday. There was an accident with the school bus, and she had a lot of reports that had to be written. That is a perfectly understandable reason for canceling!

    Leslie and I spent a few hours with Lyle yesterday, and he shared with us his holiday slide show. It is amazing how people go on vacation differently, and how different their telling of a trip can be. Lyle, for example, is a master chef, and a genius of the culinary arts. As such, there were scores of pictures of food, and he gave us a detailed explanation of every dish that they ate during their ten days in Italy. If it was me, expert in many things but not in foods, I might have had a picture or two of a couple of dishes, but I would have simply raved about how wonderful the food was.

    One possible unexpected consequence of the telling was that after seeing so many pictures (and hearing the explanations) of unkosher meats, I got queasy in my gut. Queasy might even be the wrong word; I was in pain – so much so in fact that I ended up in the washroom twice while we were there, and then after an uncomfortable drive home, once when we were here. It was a weird sensation, knowing that I was having those sharp pains, but also, not having eaten since morning, I was hungry. If ever two diametrically opposed pains there were!

    I had a small bite to eat when I was finished in the washroom, and then Leslie and I relaxed for a couple of hours. One unsurprising consequence of the slideshow was that both of us were in the mood for Italian food, and I made reservations at a restaurant in Oakville that I have loved for years and have not been to in quite some time. Leslie took one look at the menu and knew that she would be having the mushroom risotto – she is an absolute fiend for mushrooms! As I am eating differently than I did that last time I ate there, I also picked a mushroom pasta dish. Not only am I eating much less meat than I used to, I am also reticent to eat meat in restaurants that might serve pork. Also, the mixing of meat with cheese is forbidden. As such, the vegetarian options are simpler. It was truly tasty! For dessert, I had a chocolate tartufo (which is an Italian ice cream) while Leslie enjoyed her cannoli siciliano, which were both out of this world!

    With all of my cheats yesterday, I expected my weight to be up a pound or even more this morning. I stepped onto the scale and was shocked to see that it was down; not only was it down, it was down nearly six pounds! It was down to what I weighed two weeks ago, right before my knee started to hurt, and before my weight loss slide started! In disbelief, I stepped off the scale, moved it a few inches, and tried again, and then once more. While all three measurements were slightly different, they were all within the margin of error. Is it possible that my bowel issues yesterday afternoon cleared out some sort of blockage that has been causing my weight gain this past fortnight? I do not know, but I am really hoping that it is not an anomaly. I will continue as I have been these last few days and will once again resume my strict regimen once Leslie flies home. If I am back to where I was, then I will be thrilled. I have been thinking these last couple of days that when I got back to the routine, I would have nearly ten pounds to lose to get back into best-weight-yet territory. If this is the truth, then it is really only 2-3 lbs.

    We do not have a lot planned for the day. I know we have to do some shopping for groceries – we have to buy challah for the Sabbath, and Leslie wants to make chicken salad, so we need the fixings for that – but aside from that, I think we are going to spend a quiet day close to home. It is nice out, but extremely windy, and unless the wind dies down throughout the course of the afternoon, I do not see us sitting outside on the patio and smoking. The forecast does predict that the wind abates by about 3pm, so that might be a possibility, but we will play it by ear. One of the great parts about a lazy day – and a day when neither of us has to work – is that we can do that. No plans, we will just do what we want to do.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 302

    I lost 1.6 lbs. from yesterday, which is a good bit of progress. These last two days I am down 2.4 lbs. It is still only about a third of the more than 7 lbs. that I gained in this recent slide, but positive progress is better than the alternative. I have written before that you can claw your way to losing five pounds over the course of a week, and then ruin it with one good (really bad) meal. Positive progress is slow, but regression can come too quick.

    My knee is still aching terribly, but if I am not mistaken there might be a bit of improvement over yesterday. It is still stiff and painful, but it might be less so than yesterday. I am hoping that trend continues. I have been giving a lot of thought as I lie awake at night thinking about the workout that probably did me in. I knew as I was doing them that the knee extensions were hurting me on that leg, but I did not want to back down. I will be very careful about anything around my knees going forward. Hopefully it is getting better, but I will continue to ice it and take the anti-inflammatories. If it is still bothering me on the weekend, I will go to the clinic.

    I got a call from Eduardo earlier today asking me to drive his estranged wife to the airport tomorrow. She needs to be at the airport for 5:00am, which means that I set an alarm for 3:30am. I will be going to sleep very early this evening. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day! I am picking Leslie up at the airport at 11:00pm, which means that I will not be in bed before 1:00am. A 22-hour day would have been common a few years ago, but not anymore. Fortunately I will be able to sleep from 6:00pm to 10:00pm after my class (and after walking Princess Sophie). Otherwise, I am not sure I would be able to manage it.

    It is mid-afternoon, and I have not cheat-eaten yet. I had my chicken and salad for lunch, and after my class, I will have a meal replacement. It would be nice if tomorrow morning I am down another two pounds, but that is reaching. I only hope to keep inching my way back to my best-weight-yet territory, but I am more than four pounds away from that, so hopefully by Monday.

    Today’s entry is late, and tomorrow’s is going to be extremely tired. I strongly suspect that tomorrow will be a two-pots-of-coffee day.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 290

    I am in Facebook Jail. I have to stop telling idiots who instigate cops that they are idiots. Facebook, I’ll see you Friday!

    I finished up with the soup today… almost. I now have seven plastic containers in the fridge filled with Jewish Penicillin, and the kitchen has been completely cleaned. The only step left is to take the congealed fat (chicken schmaltz) off the top of each container before freezing them all. I will do that today. For the most part though, I stayed out of the kitchen.

    As has become my habit these last few weeks, I bought two challah rolls for the Shabbat blessing yesterday; following the blessings, I indulged in them with some peanut butter. I decided that would replace not one but at least two meal replacements. My food intake yesterday was a meal replacement shake in the morning, my regular lunch, a mid-afternoon meal replacement bar, and then around sundown I had the challah. Nothing after that, save for a nice cigar on the balcony. The result? This morning my weight was down .4lbs. I am not back into best-ever territory, but I am back below the ‘When Mitchell Met Leslie’ milestone.

    These last few days have been what we used to call Indian Summer, although I truly hope that term has fallen out of favour. It is not often that on November 4th I have been able to sit on the balcony in Canada wearing short sleeves and be comfortable. For my evening cigar (which accompanied another James Bond movie) I did put on a jacket, although I could have gotten away with a long-sleeved shirt. No matter, it was quite pleasant. Today’s forecast is more of the same, although there is a chance of rain later in the day. Tomorrow is forecast to be warm and sunny, and I have been invited to a herf in Georgetown. That should be fun, although I rather suspect someone will try to get me to eat. I will do my best to abstain, sticking to my program.

    I should be getting together with Eduardo later today for a cigar, and hopefully our friend Sam will join us. He has been rather difficult to pin down of late, but he has a lot of family obligations, and I do not blame him. It will be nice to see him though.

    So much for that. I just got off the phone with Eduardo, who is not feeling well today. He had a bad reaction from a vaccine yesterday (either flu or pneumonia) and is going to take it easy today. To see how easy I can shift, I am going to take Princess Sophie to Cambridge to hang out with Ryan and the gang. Knowing that, the goal is much more important: Do not snack! I have to be able to sit there and resist all of the temptations. To that end, I plan to:

    1. Go after I have had a satisfying lunch.
    2. Bring a couple of good cigars, that are tastier than the chazerei they always have sitting about.
    3. When Glen tries to tempt me, punch him in the face!
    4. Bring a couple of meal replacement bars, in case I do get hungry.

    Okay, Number 3 is exaggerated. I will simply thank him and decline. That might be easier. I have already ruined my relationship with Ryan’s sister (because of her boyfriend who thought it was funny to tell Hitler jokes about gassing Jews to me). I want to stay in the good graces of at least most of the family!

    I want to wake up tomorrow back under 305lbs. The only way I can do that is to stay on track, stay on course, and do not succumb to temptation. No problems, right? Sounds simple, right? Simple… but not easy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 278

    Another mostly good day to report. Yes, I did have some pop chips, which are not exactly on the program, but which are also not the worst transgression I could make. Aside from that, I was on track. I had a pretty good lunch, a couple of meal replacements in the afternoon and evening. I relaxed most of the day, which is to say that I sat on the balcony, smoking cigars, and watching James Bond movies. I did not go for a walk. I am having trouble getting my heinie in gear again. However, I have decided that I will join the gym this week. That will motivate me!

    I did not go to the doctor’s office to get weighed last week because I was teaching. Unlike a couple of previous times, I did not have the time to give the students labs and tell them I would be back in an hour. I was way behind on my schedule, and I did the right thing in not trying to fit that in. As such, I am going today. Normally, I like to go before I have had a morning meal replacement (or even coffee), but I did not make the call to schedule my visit until this morning, so they want me to come in at 11:15am. Okay, I can do that. On my last weigh-in, I was at 143.5kg. I am skeptical that I might drop below 140kg, but that would be amazing! Frankly, even if I weigh 140.5, I will be pleased.

    Yesterday was a massive day for non-scale victories. I was thinking about how I feel about myself and decided that I wanted to check in to see how close I am to fitting into my custom-tailored suits and shirts from five years ago. I was floored when I realized that not only did the shirts fit, but they were not even tight! The buttons were not pulling at all! I tried while I was on the phone with Leslie. She watched, and we celebrated! My sports jacket from that time is tight, but wearable. What does all of this mean? Aside from being a huge NSV, it means that when Leslie comes to town in a few weeks, I will be able to take her out wearing a suit that fits! Whatever bad thoughts I have had, this really perked me up and gave me the motivation to keep going. My next goal is for these suits and shirts to not fit me anymore because they are too big… but that is still a long way away.

    The more I succeed, the more I realize I can succeed. At this point, it is extremely likely that 2022 will be the year I lost 100lbs. What would be amazing, and I think this will be my ultimate goal for the year, would be to lose 50kg in the year. That converts to 110lbs, which means that I am still about 22lbs away from it, with a little over two months to go. Of course, in those two months we have the holidays, which means that temptations will be everywhere. We also have the coming of winter, when I will no longer be eager to head outside to walk (hence, joining the gym, which I might even do today). Can I lose 22lbs in that time? I don’t know… but I am going to try my best!

    I am off to the doctor’s office for my weigh-in. I will continue to write when I am home, if only to report back on my progress!

    Weight: 140 kg (down 3.5 kg, down 37.25kg overall)

    A weight loss of 3.5kg in 39 days? I could certainly have done better. How about in 39 days that included a month on the road (between Dallas and Southern California) where I was tempted to eat more and worse every day, despite the encouragement not to by my lovely wife? How about throwing into those 39 days another week of weather-related sadness and work-related stress and anxiety? I think we can change the first sentences of this paragraph to read: ‘A weight loss of 3.5kg in these 39 days? I could certainly have done much worse!’ In short, I will take it!

    I should also remind myself that I did not weigh in first thing in the morning, before meal replacements and coffee. We should also point out that today’s was the first weigh-in since June that I wore long pants and not shorts. Those two factors could easily account for another kilogram. One way or the other, I am making progress. I am down, and I am happy about it. Earlier in the article, I mentioned that if I weighed 140.5kg then I would be happy. I beat that by an entire half kilogram. Woohoo!

    It is time to continue on with my day. I went to the supermarket and picked up tomatoes and celery to add to my salads, and I have chicken in the air fryer. After that, I suppose I will enjoy a cigar on the balcony before heading over to the pharmacy to get my Covid-19 booster and my flu shot. Who knows? I might even walk over there.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 254

    Day 254

    Yesterday I registered my first twenty thousand steps day. I am extremely happy with that, even though I strongly suspect that my attempts to get that Garmin badge will still fall short. I am 21,500 steps shy, and I have fifteen hours to do it. I think I need to hit fifteen kilometres on my walk today to clinch it… and that is not likely to happen, especially since my legs this morning were feeling jelly-like following yesterday’s push. That is not to say that it cannot happen, just that it is not likely. In the month of September, there were seventeen days that I did not go for a fitness walk. The fact that I made a major push this last week does not make up for that.

    My weight this morning was the same as it was yesterday. I joked with Leslie that it is too bad that I only count my early morning weight, because when I came in from my walk yesterday, I registered my lowest weight of the year. Nothing doing, because water loss from exercise does not count. Unless, of course, I wanted to get up at 5am and walk before my 7:00am weigh-in! (The fact that we had dim sum for dinner might also contribute to the non-loss…)

    I can talk about the dim sum and sushi all day long, but the truth is that I am happy with how I have been managing my eating these last few days. Rosh Hashana was a disaster, but today is the third day in a row that I will only have a single meal, plus my meal replacements. Add to that the fitness walking, and I have a lot to be proud of. No, I am not on the extreme, no-cheating program I was on a couple of years ago… I want to lose weight safely, but more important, I want to be able to maintain my weight loss once I revert to eating normal foods and eschew the meal replacements.

    My diet-buddy and I spoke last night (as planned). Her announcement is that she decided to have gastric sleeve surgery in Mexico, which will reduce the size of her stomach, and help her to lose the weight. I am not sure how I feel about this, and it is not my place to judge. I know that when someone has tried over and over again to lose weight, and nothing they have done has succeeded, then they may feel that there is no other choice but the surgical route. The fact that I do not think it is for me does not mean that I do not think there are people who will benefit from it, or for whom there is no other reasonably alternative. My biggest concern is the medical tourism issue. I do not know what the conditions of the hospital are, nor the qualifications of the surgeon. She tells me that the hospital is American owned and that the doctors are American. That scares me even more… the better trained American doctors usually work in the USA. I would probably feel better knowing that the hospital was American owned, but the doctor is a really respected Mexican. None of this is my place to say, of course. Her father is a retired physician and has already told her what he thinks. His credentials far exceed mine, but she has made up her mind. I will support her as a friend, but I will still worry.

    My other concern with her decision is whether we are still suited to support each other. While she knows what I am going through, I will have no idea whatsoever how to support her, other than to listen to what she says. Right now, when she tells me about her issues, I can relate to them. I can advise her on how to handle things. If she fails, I can advise her how to try to succeed in the future. Once she has the surgery, I don’t know anything about that. Will I be able to continue to advise and support her? I don’t know, but I will give her that insight, and let her decide. She might just appreciate having someone who can listen to her.

    Today I do not have much planned. Leslie and I are going to run an errand at lunch, after which I will probably go for my last walk of the month. I will not do it to break records or to get challenge badges, I will do it because fitness walking is good for me and is helping me to lose weight and to get into shape. I also do not know what the weekend has in store, and if I will be able to get out to walk or not. I will try, but with Leslie’s son here, I know I will be at the mercy of his schedule, and that is fine. Leslie is making tamales for dinner, and I will stick to my meal replacements aside from that. I confess that I did not know what a tamale was until I looked them up. They look tasty!

    Not only did I order my shaker bottle to take to California yesterday, I also ordered meal replacement shakes and bars. The shakes are the same ones that I have been used to. The bars are not. There are usually three flavours of bars available, and I like to alternate between the apple-cinnamon and the chocolate bars. While the apple cinnamon bars are available on eBay, the chocolate bars have not been available for some time. However, there is another company that makes bars with similar nutritional values, which come in many different flavours. I ordered three boxes each of s’mores and chocolate-almond. Either I will like them, and I will stick with them, or I will not, and I will revert to the tried-and-true original brand. Either way, by the time I am ready to go back to Canada, I will need plenty of stock. This should hold me over for a while.

    The weather today is similar to yesterday. It is sunny and pleasant, with a projected high of 82° Fahrenheit. I can definitely work with that on my walk this afternoon! Tonight the sabbath begins, and I will light the candles, say the prayers, and remember the day as holy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 249

    For those of you who have been reading this blog for a long time, you will know that I have days when I expect to be down, and days when I expect to be up. There are days when I expect to be down, but disappointingly I am not, and there are days when I expect to be up, but I am pleasantly surprised that I am not. While I did not go terribly overboard yesterday, I did not follow the plan, and I expected my weight to be up… but was hoping that I might get lucky and either stay the same, or maybe even lose a couple of ounces.

    When I stepped on the scale this morning, I was so pleasantly shocked by a three-pound weight loss from yesterday morning! I was overjoyed, and even if it regulates back a little bit tomorrow, I feel that I got a reprieve for some bad behaviour. Who knows, maybe I was right, and that being in Leslie’s presence is conducive to weight loss!

    Yesterday’s cheating was not completely terrible, but there were a few things I did wrong. The first of which is that I ate far too much dim sum at lunch. It is not something that I do often, but dim sum is one of my favourites. Of course, I had just come in from an extremely good workout walk, so my metabolism would have taken care of the calories much better than if I had not walked.

    After a glorious early-afternoon nap, Leslie and I decided to spend a couple of hours in the pool. It was glorious to be able to sit in the water under the hot sun with my beautiful wife, smoking cigars and just being in love. It was not until we started discussing dinner ideas that I realized that it was our three-month anniversary! A date night was indeed in order, and the restaurant we decided on was called Whiskey Cake. She had told me about it before, and that she wanted to take me there for at least a scotch… to thank me for something I did a long time ago. We got dressed up and went.

    Our reservations were for 8:45pm, and we walked in perfectly on time, thanks to her skillful driving. We sat on the patio, and the waiter brought us the whiskey menu, which included American, Canadian, Scottish, Irish, and Japanese whiskies. I opted for a flight of four Japanese expressions called the Kampai Flight. It included the Yamazaki 12, the Hakushu 12, the Nikka Coffey, and the Nikka Barrel. Each one was quite delicious… and from the first named to the last, the got better in that order.

    We shared an appetizer of hummus with vegetables and a few pieces of pita, which was quite delicious. It is rare that a restaurant in North America has a dish seasoned with za’atar, and it tasted delicious. For our main course, Leslie ordered a mushroom meatball sandwich, which was simply out of this world. The waitress told us later that it was a staff member who opted to become vegetarian who was playing around with ideas at home and landed on the recipe. Kudos to that staff member! Knowing what I was drinking, I was tempted by the rib eye steak, but decided to be good and ordered the salmon. I decided to be bad and ordered the French fries with it. While that was a monumentally silly decision for someone on a diet, I decided to splurge. My wife and I were celebrating, and I wanted to enjoy myself.

    The celebration continued when we got home, with a bottle of champagne – one of my wife’s favourites – which we enjoyed in her new and very lovely painted champagne flutes. The evening was a lot of fun… and the weight loss program could start anew on Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, Monday morning (after our festive Erev Rosh Hashana meal on Sunday evening.

    You can see from this how I was expecting my weight to be up this morning. Not only was it down, but it is also back at the 315lbs mark… for the first time in nearly three weeks. I have only registered one day below that weight, and I am looking forward to continuing down… hopefully tomorrow, but not likely. As I mentioned, dramatic one- and two-day weight drops tend to adjust up on the third day; I am down six-pounds since Friday, which we can all agree falls into the dramatic range. Who knows? Tonight is Rosh Hashana… maybe the Lord will be merciful and grant me another drop tomorrow! I know, it does not work that way. Does it?

    This afternoon we are going to see the Immersive Van Gogh Experience. It should be interesting. I have heard from several friends who have seen it in other cities that it is fabulous. I have never been the art museum type, but this looks like something completely different. I am going into it excited and with an open mind. It will also be only the second time that I am going into Dallas proper, despite this being my third trip here. Dallas is a huge city, and Leslie lives in a suburb. Suburban life is so rich that truly, one scarcely needs to go into the city itself. If you need any more proof, I do not think I have been in downtown Toronto since moving back to the Greater Toronto Area thirteen months ago!

    I usually close my daily piece with the simple phrase, ‘Have a great day folks!’ Tonight, Jews around the world celebrate the New Year, and so I feel I should close by wishing all of my Jewish readers a happy, healthy, and sweet New Year, le’Shana Tova uMetukah. May the coming year (5783) bring blessings, health, and joy to you and to your family.

  • The Weight Loss Success / Failure Star

    A couple of years ago, while I was doing very well on my program (and before my total collapse and backward slide into total failure) I came up with this logo – the Weight Loss Success/Failure Star. Please believe me that I did not design it to look like the Star of David with the Palestinian colours, but yes, that is what it looks like. Ooops.

    I still think the message behind the star is correct. There are many ways to fail, but three main keys to success are solid: Caloric/Nutritional Intake, Water Intake, and Physical Activity. Without these three, success is unlikely.

    The three ways to fail that I enumerated are absolutely true, with Attitude, Stress/Lifestyle, and Work being three big factors to failure. Of course, there are plenty others… but these three are key.

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    As I looked at the star today, with its two interlocking triangles, I had a bit of an epiphany. By inverting the red triangle, we would be left with only a triangle. If that sounds simplistic and obvious, let me explain why I felt this important:

    Attitude: The wrong attitude is a surefire way to fail, in weight loss as in so many aspects of life. By flipping our attitude, we can turn it to green, and make it a success factor. Attitude.

    Stress/Lifestyle: There are so many different ways to deal with stress. Most people who have obesity issues often deal with stress by turning to food, and bad foods at that. When we look at the habits of myriad people who stay in shape, we learn that a lot of them deal with stress by integrating physical activity into their life. I have met many people who look at exercise as a way to destress. In fact, any medical professional will tell you that exercise is an antidepressant. By changing our habit of turning to food into turning to exercise, we can turn our stresses and lifestyles into another success factor. Stress/Lifestyle.

    Work: It is easier for people with jobs requiring physical labour to be healthy, but those of us who work in office environments – sitting at desks staring at computer screens – are prone to the ill-effects of eight to ten hours of sitting on our bums. Every company is different, every office. If you go into an office or you work from home, or if you are on the road visiting different sites, every work environment and schedule will have different requirements. With that said, if you are able to find a time – either during your lunch or during your breaks, or whenever it will be, it is possible to integrate physical activity into your routine. I have worked at companies with great gym facilities, which allowed employees to work out during their breaks, and even shower before returning to their desks. Others have simply had staircases that employees could use to exercise – up three floors, down three floors, repeat. Some have nothing but leaving the building during the day to go for a walk is always an option.

    A lot of companies provide snacks to their employees, and these can be a real stopper. Yes, many of the unhealthy snacks are a good way to test your willpower, but you only have to falter occasionally to fail at your diet. A friend on a similar journey as mine cried to me this week that one of her coworkers has been bringing in cookies from Tim Hortons every day. I told her how proud I was that she did not succumb to the temptation, but on one of these days she might. The good side of this is that a lot of companies recognize the value of healthy snacks, ranging from fresh fruit and granola bars to yogurts and salads. Even if you only make the decision to stick to water in lieu of diet soda (which is deceivingly un-weight-loss-friendly, you have chosen positive over negative. There are choices that we can all make to turn the negative work experience green and make it a success factor. Work.

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    All of a sudden, we see that all of our points are green, and failure, while still present, is a lot lighter than our success factors. If we are able to flip our downward (red) triangle, our star (upward and downward) now looks more like two forward-facing arrows. If we are able to take control over all of these points, then we can move in that direction (forward) to losing weight, and to better health.

    These are simple concepts that are not easy to implement. If they were, all of us would be slim and in great shape. The psychology behind all of this is far beyond my basic understanding, but I know that every time I have failed at losing weight and keeping it off, it has always come down to psychological factors. With that said, we can all benefit from getting help. I don’t mean speaking to a psychologist on a regular basis, but a weight loss buddy – either someone who has gone through the sort of weight loss you are working toward, or someone who is currently on the same journey.

    The advantages of someone who has been there before are that they know the pitfalls, they know what you are going through, and they have been there… and succeeded. The advantage of someone who is on the same journey is that there is no judgement, only encouragement. Of course, the downside is that if they fall off, you are left alone.

    Asking for help is hard, but the benefits of the help are tremendous. If you think you don’t know anyone, then let me assure you that social media is replete with support groups for anyone who looks. You may have to look, but you likely won’t have to look too far.

    Do not rush it, but do not dawdle. If you follow the arrows, pretty soon you will be the star of your new, slimmer life.

  • A Pleasant Surprise A-Weights…

    Boy did I get that one wrong somehow. I lost a lot more than a half kilo in the past three weeks. In fact, I lost 2.6kg, which makes me quite happy. The procedure went well, and I am home. The chicken is in the air fryer, the salad is made, and in a few minutes, I will have my lunch as planned. In fact, it looks like my entire day will go as planned.

    The doctor told me that the nurse was extremely pleased with my overall progress, in addition to my incremental progress. I won’t lie… I’m pretty pleased with it too!

    My next appointment with the doctor is scheduled for a month from now, right on the heels of my three-week trip to Dallas and California. As long as I remember every minute of every day that my weight loss is more satisfying than the often-indulgent foods that will be offered to me, there is hope that in that time I can lose another 3-4kg in that time. I will work hard to make that happen. 4kg in a month should be not just doable, but very doable.

  • Day 230

    As I gushed with Leslie yesterday about the massive weight loss I achieved over the previous day, I did tell her that I was resigned to the fact that I knew that I would be giving some of that back today. Nonetheless, I ate well yesterday. I did not veer from my normal weight management program, enjoying three meal replacements and one meal throughout the day. I also went for a great record-breaking walk. All this to say that as I lay in bed last night, I was still holding out home in my secret heart that I might actually hold my weight. After stepping onto my scale this morning, I realized I had not held it. Indeed, I was down… nearly another full pound.

    Dropping below the 315 lbs threshold was an amazing way to start my day, but again I am not going to hold my breath that it will hold. Fortunately, I will not be weighing myself again until Monday, when I am back from Montreal. My hope is that I will maintain my current weight over the five-day trip; hoping to actually lose weight is more than I will hope for.

    I chatted for a few moments yesterday with one of the organizers of a party that I am going to on Saturday. I asked what foods would be served, mostly because I do not want to be at a party that only serves non-kosher foods, but also because I suspected there might not be any healthy options for me. I was okay on the first, but from what I can tell, there will not be a lot of diet-friendly foods available. I will do my best to stick to my meal replacements, but I also know that if I have a little bit of bad foods in moderation then it will not be the end of the world. It will give me incentive to try to be good the rest of the week… and even if I am, I cannot hope to succeed if I go overboard. My goal is to not go overboard.

    We are less than a month from the Yom Kippur holiday. It is a day when we spend the day in synagogue praying and asking G-d’s forgiveness. Last year, I attended services online. I just do not have a connection to the Jewish community where I live, whereas I have a very close one to the community in California, where I used to live. That is where I was two years ago, and that is where I will be for Yom Kippur this year. I was thinking this morning how nice it would be if I could attend services weighing 305 lbs. Two years ago, I weighed 260 lbs when I attended. I know that was a fateful and terrible day for my diet – it was the day that my steady weight loss came to an abrupt halt, and my fall into failure began. It started with a cookie and a shot of tequila. That will not happen this year.

    I doubt that I will be able to comfortably attend services wearing the same suit I wore then, but I do plan to wear that suit just a few weeks later. There is a picture of me from 2020, coincidentally at the synagogue, wearing that suit for the first time in three years. I remember clearly weighing 298 lbs and being thrilled that I was able to wear it. If all goes well, Leslie is coming to Canada for American Thanksgiving, and I would like to take her out to dinner wearing that suit. I love looking good for her, and I happen to know that she has a bit of a thing for a well-dressed man. For the first time in a couple of years I feel that I am within reach of being able to be that. I always did it for myself – I quite enjoy putting on a suit and tie – but this time I want to do it for her. She deserves me looking my absolute best.

    It is about time for me to pack up and drive to Montreal. I will be there several days, and again I have to remember that my fitness walking must be a regular part of my daily routine. I am packing several sets of workout clothes, and because it is September in Canada, I recognize that this will require several permutations, including shorts and long training pants, and long sleeve shirts as well as short sleeves. What a pain. At least the drive will be mostly relaxing… I have no deadlines to hit, so I can stop and smell the roses as it were. After an hour on the phone with the Quebec Ministry of Justice, I think I have submitted my request for my divorce certificate properly, but again, it is Quebec… so who knows? I am taking my passport and birth certificate, just in case I get a notice that I am missing a … I don’t know what.

    If all goes well with that, the next few days will be a lot more relaxing and enjoyable than I originally suspected they might be, and I will be able to just chill, walk, and enjoy the company of friends.

    Have a great day folks!