Losing a part of me

Blog

  • Day 704

    Merry Christmas to all of my friends who celebrate it, and to those who do not, I wish you a wonderful day – many of us are off work, which means that I will be sitting and relaxing for much of the day. I started by sleeping in, and then took Her Royal Floofness for a walk. I did not even sit down for breakfast until nearly 11:00am!

    After going overboard for a few days (up to and including Saturday) I settled down with my eating yesterday. I thought I might be having breakfast with my friends but ended up dropping off the presents and enjoying a cup of coffee with them. I came home and prepared a couple of eggs on a toasted roll. It was quite nice. I met Rami at the pub for lunch and had fish and chips – not healthy, but still not as bad as so many other things I have eaten in the last few weeks. My dinner was mostly in line with what I would have eaten when I was losing weight steadily. I did not eat anything after 6:30pm, which is something I try to do.

    The result of that, and another very generous bowel movement this morning, resulted in a significant drop in weight on the bathroom scale. It is disheartening to think that nearly two months ago my weight dropped below 240 lbs. for a few days, and then at the beginning of the month I was trying to get back down below the 250 lbs. mark… and today I was relieved to drop below 265 lbs. again. I cannot let this throw me though. I have had a terrible setback, and it is time to pick myself back up. Tomorrow will be the last of the bad temptation days – I’ll be at Cam and Amanda’s place, and they always put out so many tempting treats (even before the delicious dinner). I have to do my best to not give in to too much temptation there. After that it will be mostly smooth sailing for the next few weeks – right up to the day I fly down to Dallas. That’s a little under three weeks away, and I would really like to get back below 250 lbs. by then. I am not sure I’ll be able to, but I will do my best. The morning after I returned from my last trip (November 6) I weighed 246.6 lbs. which is 15.6 lbs. lower than I did this morning. If I can get to within a couple of pounds of that I will be thrilled. I fly in nineteen days… that is an optimistic goal, but an achievable one if I stay focused.

    Okay, it is time for a cigar. See you tomorrow.

  • Day 703

    I did not sleep well last night. I also did not eat well yesterday. I really have to get off this rollercoaster. Starting Wednesday I am going to do a few days of the intense diet to see if I can kick myself back onto the right track.

  • Day 702

    And now, a topic I have not touched on in a while. I had the most productive bowel movement in a long time this morning. While I felt good for it, I also know that it is because I have been overeating – and the wrong foods – these last few weeks. I have to get back on track with my diet. Yes, that will mean smaller and less frequent BMs, but I’ll deal.

    Today has already started out bad with regard to eating. I have to get a grip on myself. I think that I am going to have to put myself back onto the crash-program for a couple of weeks to get myself back on track. Some people might say ‘Hey, today’s the 23rd of December… I’ll wait until January 2. I might not go full-crash yet, but I am also not going to let myself go for another nine days. I am going out for dinner with a friend this evening, and then for lunch tomorrow. After that I will take a couple of days to reset my eating. On the 26th I’ll be with my friends and godchildren which I assume means a delicious turkey dinner but will go back to eating properly the following day. The turkey dinner will also come with all manner of yummy side dishes and desserts; fortunately, most will either have dairy or lard which I cannot touch for religious reasons. On New Year’s Eve I’m visiting with Lyle and his brood and will eat then, but that will also be an exception.

    I have gained twenty-five pounds since my world fell apart, and I need to get back on track. If I need to go back to the extreme diet program for a few days to get back on track, then that is what I am going to do. I just wish these holidays were not interfering with that. I do not wish to be a hermit… but that is how I lost weight the first couple of times.

  • Day 701

    Today was my first relaxing day in a long time. After sleeping in I took HRF for a walk and then had breakfast. I ran some errands, I watched some television, and I did not much else. Tomorrow will be more of the same, except I will be meeting a friend in the evening for dinner and talking.

    I accidentally posted my post from a couple of days ago to my professional blog (although I immediately corrected that error). Unfortunately, a friend who still follows that blog saw it and called to speak about it. I am not ready to talk. Maybe soon. I do appreciate my friends though.

  • Day 699

    My depression has been getting the best of me. I have to stop this slipping!

  • Day 700

    I was hoping that Day 700 would be a day of celebration. Instead I realized this morning that I have gained more than 25 lbs. from my best weight ever. I have to get a grip on this and get back on track. It is time for me to figure this out!

  • Day 700

    December 20 – A day I apparently forgot to press Publish.

  • Day 698

    I picked my diet buddy up at the airport yesterday morning at 6:00am. The problem was that I had only fallen asleep about two hours before I had to wake up to do that. Result? I was exhausted all day. The fact that I did not fall asleep at any point was a miracle! It was great that my buddy Rob came over in the evening for a cigar, and he was certainly a good person to chat with… but had he not come over, I likely would have been in bed and asleep by 8:00pm. As it was, I was asleep at 11:00pm… more or less.

    I checked to make sure my alarm was properly set last night… I swear. In fact, I am even reasonably sure that it went off when it was meant to. That does not mean that it did its job. When I finally opened my eyes – with no recollection of the alarm having gone off or of my having disabled it or hit the snooze button – the clock read 8:05am… I jumped to it, took an Army shower, and then took Her Floofness out for an abridged walk. Fortunately, it was -4° outside and she was not interested in dawdling. I was able to start class on time, and the only thing missing was breakfast. I gave my students labs to do an hour into class, and I made myself an egg sandwich… which I ate in front of my computer (although off-camera).

    I did not weigh myself yesterday morning. Had I done so I would have hated the number. I did weigh myself this morning, and while I was still over 260 lbs. today, I suspect that yesterday would have been much worse. Tomorrow I will be back below that.

    I want to thank the people who check in on me when I miss a day blogging… I had actually written yesterday’s very brief entry but forgot to press Publish. I took care of that after receiving an email from a friend/reader, and yes… I backdated it to yesterday, so my streak continues.

    I’ll see you all tomorrow.

  • Day 697

    I am stumbling through this day like a zombie. Praying that I have a better day than yesterday (which was a complete disaster).

  • Day 696

    Not doing well. Gotta get back!