Losing a part of me

I fell off the wagon yesterday… hard. Eduardo’s birthday barbecue was a great family affair, and I saw a lot of people I have not seen in years. My friend – and he truly is a friend – tried to convince me to eat blood sausage, which is not kosher for many reasons. It stuck in my craw that my friend who was born Jewish and who at the age of 76 I helped to get bar mitzvah’d would try to get me to eat that. I told him ‘Sorry, I can’t eat that.’ He replied, ‘No of course not… but today you can!’ I was truly hurt. I know he did not mean to hurt me, but that did not change the fact that I spent so much time on it. I focused on that, instead of eating properly. I had some cheese, which I doubt will do me much harm. After a reasonable wait, I had chicken and salad for lunch, which is not harmful. Then the birthday cake was served, and I fell right off. Not only did I have a piece of red velvet cake, I also had a couple of treats from the pastry tray.

For dinner I had a piece of salmon with a side salad, and a huge helping of guilt. I then had four pieces of dried mango, which I wish I had not found the other day. At least I did not have a meal replacement in the evening on top of that.

The bathroom scale scolded me gently this morning. I truly thought it would be worse, but I was only up .4 lbs. I was going to say that I hope and pray that I can stay on track today… but hope is not a strategy. I know that I have to go grocery shopping today – I am nearly out of milk, and I have only one head of lettuce left. I know I have enough chicken and fish for a while, as well as canned salmon and canned tuna. That means my trip to the supermarket can be reasonably brief. I am out of pumpkin seeds, so I will go to Bulk Barn… but I will not be buying any peanuts. What I might buy is the chocolate covered marshmallows that both Leslie and her son love. While he is already really excited to meet me, I told Leslie yesterday that I have no qualms about bribing him and buying his affection.

I have taken chicken out of the fridge to defrost, and I will try to be as true to my plan as possible today. I feel terrible about how I fell off the wagon yesterday, and I need to get back on track. If I don’t… well, then I will always be a fat fuck.

I have a few errands to do today, some of which are online, others I have to go out. Other than that, I plan to relax. My foot is bothering me, but it is not a gout issue – I think I had something stuck in my shoe between my foot and the heel, and there is a bit of a bruise there. I’ll wait a day or two before venturing out to exercise.

Have a great day folks!