Losing a part of me

For someone who’s usual routine is as utterly predictable as the movements of a clock, it is sometimes difficult to write every day about what I do and still keep it fresh. At least, I hope it is always fresh!? This morning I did not follow that routine. I got out of bed at 9:00am, which is a full two hours later than I usually would. This, after I woke up at 6:32am to pee, and after my ex-wife texted me at 7:28am to confirm what time I would be picking our son up for breakfast. Yes, I fell back asleep after 6:30am… twice!

My time in the washroom was shorter than would normally have been, knowing that I had a pup who had waited patiently for me to wake up before asking to go out. As I was getting dressed, there was a knock on the door; my neighbour (Charlie’s mom) asked if Princess Sophie could come play, as her dog (and I believe her daughter’s dog Jasper as well) were barking and begging for Her Royal Floofness to come over. Yes, today is the first day in I don’t know how long that I am in town and did not take my dog for a walk. Routine shattered!

The bathroom scale, as predicted, crept above the milestone I reached yesterday. This was entirely predictable, but it is something that I was prepared for. Leslie asked me a very important question yesterday about how I would react if the bathroom scale this morning showed me back above the 320-pounds milestone that I was so happy I hit yesterday. It was a question about psychology, about my attitude, and about my expectations. I told her that in all honesty, I expected that I would likely be back above that mark this morning – partly because of my cheat lunch yesterday, but also because I know that sharp drops are not only not easy to explain, but they also ‘give back a bit’ in the following days. I am glad she asked me the question. It gave me pause to think about it, and how I could or would react. It gave me the opportunity to shape my reaction and to not just get down on myself for it.

Leslie shared another interesting idea with me yesterday about scheduling cheat days to keep me on track. They would have to be within reason (a large order of deep-friend and battered Buffalo wings would not be considered within reason), and they could not be too frequently, but that way if a friend invited me over for a meal that was outside my plan (as happened yesterday) I could either schedule my visits with friends around my allowed cheat days, or I could slide the cheat day… say, if it was supposed to be Sunday, but I was invited to my friend’s on Saturday, I could move it around. It is definitely something I am going to think about. I have to decide what is a reasonable interval for it… and what is a reasonable cheat, versus what is on a par with the large order of wings.

I am taking my son the younger for breakfast this morning, which means that while I made coffee, I did not have a meal replacement shake. I do not want to sit there and watch him eat while I have nothing, and I do not want to have a breakfast shake and a breakfast. I will order smartly (as I have done on our last few breakfasts together), and yes, I will probably end up finishing his eggs for him. I just have to be careful about carbs. There will be a piece of toast with my breakfast, but I cannot dip into his.

My feet are in quite some pain this morning, so I might take the day off from walking… I’m not sure, I might reevaluate that position later today. In the meantime, I am going to have a lovely time with my son, and then the rest of the day is mine.

Have a great day folks!