Losing a part of me

Yes, my weight is down from yesterday according to the bathroom scale. Does that mean that I was true to my weight loss program yesterday? It does not. I was very not good. Aside from the single portion of dried mangoes that Leslie gave me for my Chanukah gift, I did not eat anything that was not prescribed on the program. I did have an extra piece of chicken with another salad in the evening. I am not supposed to do that!

There have been numerous times when I have told Leslie that I am going to eat something that is not on the program (or have already done so), and she asks a very good question: Am I hungry, depressed, or bored. While I am not sure that bored is the exact right word, I think it is certainly in the ballpark. It might be something like idle hands are the devil’s workshop sort of thing. When I have nothing else to do – or more specifically, nothing occupying my mind – I often default to eating. I have to figure out a way to deal with that. I am hoping that – along with several other issues that I have, most pertaining to focus and concentration, will be addressed and start to improve once I have seen my doctor tomorrow, assuming that he agrees with my recent diagnosis and prescribes meds to deal with it.

I am going to try to go to the gym today, but I have to find some sort of motivation. I am not feeling well – light-headed, despite having just finished my morning meal replacement and my third cup of coffee. I know my blood pressure is often quite low, and I am wondering if that might not be the start of an actual problem. I know, it is much better than the opposite; nonetheless, it is something I will speak with the doctor about tomorrow… in addition to the ADHD thing. Additionally, tomorrow I know I have to go out… twice, in fact. I will endeavour to go to the gym after the doctor’s appointment, or if not then, right before going to see my sons to light the Channukah candles (which I get to do tomorrow).

Speaking of children: I have five children who I get to spoil for Christmas and Channukah. I have my own two children (although at twenty-four years old, my son the elder wants nothing this year). I have Leslie’s son, and I have my two godchildren. Last night, Leslie, her son, and I lit the candles, and he opened the first of his tangible (non-edible) presents over video call, which was fun. He has one more present to open, and we agreed that he would get to do so on Night Six, which is Friday. Today I will be ordering presents for my godchildren, who I will be seeing Christmas Day. I am waiting for confirmation from mom and dad about my choices, but I think I am good. Of course, I am not writing here to say what they are, but trust me, they should both be happy.

This is a perfect example of my need to focus. While I really have nothing else going on this morning, it is more than two hours since I typed the first line of this journal entry. I have to figure out a way to concentrate, and if that requires me to go on medication, that is what I am going to do. I am looking forward to speaking with my doctor about that tomorrow… I really do want to get better. I will say that I am still feeling light-headed, so I am not going to go overboard today. I will take it easy, and if I need to take a nap at some point, I will. I thought I slept pretty well last night, but I might still be overtired from the last couple of weeks of not sleeping well.

Have a great day folks!