Losing a part of me

I was disgusted with myself as I dropped my son off after our lunch together. I forget the draw of the chips and salsa that are brought unbidden to the table, and I ate a lot of them. It was only later that I looked them up to discover that the serving is 310 calories with 68g of carbs. I think the 4g of sugars is irrelevant… I should not have touched them without looking them up first, and once I looked them up, I should not have touched them at all… but once I touched them, I should absolutely have limited myself to 5-6 chips. Once my meal came (which was what I had planned) I ate all of the vegetables and about half of the chicken, but I had almost none of the rice. I do not think that is a good trade-off for the chips, but it was at least a minor penance.

Driving home I realized the gravity of my mistake and tried to figure out how best to handle it. I decided that if carbs are fuel for the body, then I should work out. I had a number of reasons why going to the gym would not have been convenient, so I decided to go for another jog. When I got home, I suited up, and remembering some of the discomforts of yesterday I made two modifications to my wardrobe. Looking through my front closet, I found a pair of gloves that I bought specifically for running (they are branded The Running Room, which means that I was married to my first wife when I bought them), as well as a headband that I suspected would double nicely as a neck warmer. I told Leslie that I was going for an hour, and I set out on my trek.

My pace was not as quick as it was the previous day, but that did not matter as much as getting out and doing it. I chose to take mostly the same route as yesterday, except I opted to run through the park. While there was a brief area where I was careful because I was not sure if it was water or ice, the trail was mostly dry. I knew it was unlikely that I would be able to do the whole 6.5 km path jogging, but I was determined to do a little better than I did previously. I forced myself to jog until I had three kilometres behind me, then I pulled up, reset my trackers, and walked the remainder of the way home. With the slightly longer route through the park that I took, the total distance was 3.6km, which took just over 1h5m. Whatever the pace was, I consider that a successful outing, and if there was anything I could do to mitigate the stupid lapse in judgement at lunch.

I do not know what the jog did to counterbalance my disgusting indulgence, but despite the horrible 1.6 lbs. gain this morning, I am still glad that I did it. The exercise was necessary, whether as a penance for my transgression, or simply as way to clear my hear and refocus my energies on what I need to do. This morning I sit looking out on a new day, and I will be back on track with my program. There will be no eating off the program this week. I will be sticking to it religiously, and by the end of the week I will be beyond that next minor milestone… below the 280 lbs. mark.

I should mention that I really hated seeing the number shoot up on my push to best weight ever spreadsheet. Today is the eleventh day that I am maintaining it, and to see the comparison to 2020 shoot up from 2.4 lbs. yesterday to nearly 7 lbs. this morning hurt. I should take a peek into my previous journal to see what I did on July 30 to drop so sharply the next morning… but it shot back up the following day, so whatever it was, it did not last. Tomorrow’s comparison number will be better.

I had to help Leslie with a difficult issue in the afternoon, after which we were able to relax with a couple of lovely cigars on the balcony. Video dates with her are tough, but in the grand scheme of things we both know that technology makes us easier to stay connected now than it would have even a decade ago. We both hate the distance, but at least we can have these times together with our video calls.

Today I have nothing much going on in the morning, and then my housekeeper is coming in the afternoon. I have to remember that when I leave the house to pick her up from the train, I need to stop at the supermarket to pick up distilled water for my humidor’s humidifiers, which ran empty this weekend. Even though Kerry will be here, Eduardo might come over in the afternoon for a cigar, which will be nice. He wanted to come Wednesday, but that would not work for me. It will be nice to catch up with him; I have not seen him since I went to Dallas. I will teach in the evening, but unlike the stress of last week, this week I teach three evenings for 3.5 hours each. That is nothing I have to worry about, and it will be a relatively stress-free week. Tomorrow I am having a haircut and then going into Toronto to help someone with some computer issues they are having, and the only stressful part about that is having to drive into Toronto (and then out of it) during the week. I am tempted to take the train and ask them to pick me up and then drop me off (or at least take an Uber). Driving in Toronto is the epitome of not fun. I thought for a few minutes to change my haircut to a haircut and straight razor shave, but that was when I thought it was $15. I just went online to look, and they charge $80 for the combination… for that money, I will shave my own damned stubble, thank you very much! Yes, the straight razor shave feels so wonderful… but at that rate it will always be an occasional indulgence, and not a monthly occurrence!

My plan for the day is to stay on track, and not lose focus as I did yesterday. I need to regain my forward (downward) momentum. I would think about going to the gym, but after two jogs over the weekend, I think I am going to take a couple of days to rest my quadriceps. One thing I am surprised about is that these last couple of days I have not had any pain or even minor discomfort in my right knee. I know that even as late as Friday I was taking Tylenol to ease it. I wonder if whatever is wrong with it is improved by the exercise, which is interesting because every study and anecdote I have ever heard about states that jogging is bad for the knee. Maybe it is not that my knee is better, but the recovery pains in my quads are distracting me from it. Who knows? Whatever it is, I am going to keep it up!

Have a great day folks!