Losing a part of me

I have mentioned before that one of my fitness tracking apps (Garmin Connect) awards badges for many different accomplishments, including your first activity of any distance. I was scrolling through my collection of badges yesterday and came across the 10K Run badge, which I assumed would have been earned last week. Not so… it seems that I earned it in August of 2012. I had almost forgotten that for a few weeks in that month I had a Garmin watch, and that I used it a few times before losing it (I believe it was left behind in a hotel room in Miami, although the hotel denied it at the time). Looking back at that activity I cannot help but assume that this was not a jog at all, rather a walk… but that I had not properly configured the watch. Knowing what my average pace is today for both walking and jogging, it is impossible to imagine that I was jogging at a pace of 10m54s per kilometre… even at whatever my weight would have been around then (looking at my records I see that it was between 300-310 lbs.). My average walking pace now is under 10m per kilometre, and for jogging that drops to between 7m30s and 8m15s, depending on whether I am on the streets or on a treadmill. I see that the device was a Garmin Forerunner 410 (an early predecessor to my new Forerunner 255). Looking at the image of it, I do not recognize it. Of course, that was a different life; I was a month past my fortieth birthday and had no idea how many failures I would encounter before finally finding success with my weight loss journey. Is this the ultimate success, where I will actually be slim forever? I hope so. I do find it amusing that according to the same app, I only earned the 5K Run badge last month.

Jogging (Treadmill)

• Distance: 8 km (5 km)
• Duration: 45:43 (41:43)
• pb Average Pace (Min/km): 5m42s (7m29s)
• Steps: 6,390 (6,350)
• Calories burned: 636 (551)
• Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (157)

Yesterday I did end up at the gym and got extremely frustrated with the treadmills. If you do not keep your hands on the sensors, they stop after a few minutes. That is extremely frustrating as I enjoy moving my arms as I would exactly if I were running on the streets or on a trail. Hopefully today and the rest of this week I will be able to jog outside, although the forecast from Wednesday through Saturday is for rain and snow. Hopefully during the day, I will be able to get it done.

While it was a little chilly and windy for my liking, I still decided to sit on the balcony with a cigar in the afternoon. After my jog I did take my hydro massage, followed by a quick shower, then fifteen minutes in the sauna, and then another more thorough shower. I stepped onto the scale at the gym (which I do not consider authoritative) and was thrilled to see that I weigh much less than the last time I stepped onto the same scale – by about forty pounds. I have not been taking full advantage of my gym membership, but that does not mean that I have not been exercising and working out. I have certainly lost a good amount of weight since my last visit there, and I only wish that my personal trainer had been there to see the difference from the last time she saw me!

I do not think my mood was so bad yesterday. Today might be a better indicator, although I am also hoping that my increased exercising will give me endorphins that will help to counterbalance the crabbiness that might come with the first days of the full fast. I will try to get out again today, but if things hold up then I will be running outside rather than at the gym. The forecast is for a mostly sunny day with high temperatures around 8°, which would be perfect weather for a jog as long as I remember to suit up in warm layers. The shorts and t-shirt that I was able to get away with in Dallas would be less than ideal. Fortunately, Leslie and I picked out a couple of pair of sweatpants and long sleeve t-shirts at the outlet mall; combined with a jacket (and gloves should they be necessary) and I will be perfectly prepared for the great outdoors.

I got a message from the clinic in Toronto last night that their shipment of my meal replacements is only arriving today, so my drive into town will be delayed by twenty-four hours. As I have plenty of product left, that will not be an inconvenience at all… especially since my cleaning lady is coming today, so if I was going to drive into Toronto, I would have to be back in time for that, which would greatly impact the window I have open to jog outside in the good weather. Tomorrow the weather will be slightly cooler and cloudy, but that does not mean that I will not be able to jog outside… only that I will have to plan my jog smarter. The forecast for Thursday is warmer but wet… I do not really mind jogging when it is warm and drizzling, but unless the temperature prediction is off by fifteen degrees, Thursday I will be back on the treadmill.

It felt amazing last week when I put on one of my casual dress shirts that had not fit just a few months ago, only to realize that it was too big to wear. That shirt, along with another from the same era, went into the ‘donate to charity’ bag at Leslie’s. What I was not thinking about at the time was that I am now down to only two long-sleeve shirts in that category. I am not planning on buying more… we are only a few short weeks away from my being able to switch to golf shirts for the season, and for the days that I teach I will be wearing dress shirts anyways. When I got back to Canada, I optimistically tried on some of my Size-36 pants, but they are still a few pounds away from fitting. That is frustrating not so much because I am overeager, but because my Size-38 pants (especially the jeans) are now quite loose on me. There is no in-between!

When I spoke with my wife last night, I told her that I was thrilled with my weight drop from the previous day, but I knew that it was a travel day, and that I expected I was going to give back a bit of it this morning. Far from it! According to the bathroom scale, this morning I dropped another two pounds. That puts me a full 6.4 lbs. ahead of my 2020 pace. Looking at the chart from 2020, I see that I drop nearly two pounds over the next two days before gaining back nearly three pounds. I also see that on that chart I vacillate over the next 2.5 weeks between a low of 266.6 and a high of 271.6, which I would hit for the last time seventeen days from now. In 2023 I am hoping that in six or seven days I am down three more pounds, which will push me below my best weight from 2020… which would have me beating my 2020 pace by a full seventeen days. Unlike in 2020, I do not plan to stop there. I plan to keep losing weight until my Army uniform fits perfectly… and probably beyond that.

As I have mentioned before, I do not know how much weight I want to lose because it has been so long since I was slim… and when I was, I was a lot more muscular than I expect I will be now. Until I modified it a couple of days ago, I had one app on my phone configured to a goal of 210 lbs. I changed that to 195 lbs., for no good reason that I can think of. I do not know at what point I will have the body that I want. I do know that I do not want to be forever obsessed with my body and weight loss. Just yesterday, Leslie pointed out to me how front-of-mind it is for me, and she is right. It is not enough that I write about it daily (and at great length), but I also talk about it a lot. I have to stop doing that. While it is fine that I still want to lose the rest of the excess weight, but I have to stop being obsessed with it. Focus is good, mindful is great; obsession to the point of mania is probably not a good thing. I will start to pay closer attention to that and remember that the fact that I am doing so well does not mean that I should be so single-minded about it. One of my better qualities (I have always thought) was my eclectic nature, and ability to discuss myriad topics. I would not be surprised if someone listening in on any conversation I had when I was in Dallas would have heard ‘bla bla Cigars bla bla Jogging bla bla Weight Loss.’ It is time to go back to being ME. I will continue taking time out of my morning to write in my journal, and I will continue to jog and exercise, and I will continue to stick to my program… but I will try to get back to being a more well-rounded and less boring and repetitive me.

While it is still cold (2°) now, it looks to be warming up by several degrees over the next hour, so I will plan to head out around 10:30am. I just mapped out a route that looks to be just under 11 kms which suits me fine, although I would like to try to complete a fifteen-kilometre jog by the end of this month. I know that my pace will not come close to what I am able to achieve on the treadmill and that is okay by me. If I can average under 8.5 minutes per kilometre then I will be a very happy man. I only wish the provincial parks did not charge such high fees, or I would drive out to either Bronte Creek or Rattlesnake Point for a more nature-inspired jog. Perhaps once the weather is a bit warmer, I will start doing that, but for now I think I will stick to the roads.

I stuck to the program yesterday; I plan to stick to the program today. I am loving my progress, and I do not want to falter. Focus and mindfulness will get me through to my ultimate success.

Have a great day folks!