Losing a part of me

After serious thinking and discussion with the woman I love I decided this afternoon that I was going to defrost and prepare a steak. I told Leslie that I wanted to do a really good jog first, but I have been tempted too much these last few days, and I was going to eat smart. I tried to do a 10km jog, but that proved too much. I jogged 7.25km and walked the remaining 3km to get home, which did give me the 10km that I was hoping to achieve. Before I even showered, I jumped into the car to go to the supermarket to pick up some vegetables to make a salad. I came home, showered, got dressed, and prepared my meal. It was delicious! My housekeeper had unearthed a bag of pop chips, and I devoured those as well. That was a terrible decision, but much better to do it with pop chips than with potato chips. Knowing that I had the remaining vegetables in the fridge, I weighed the options of having another cheat day today, or just making another salad in the evening. I opted for the second choice, which I prepared with the last package of smoked salmon that Leslie had given me for my birthday. It was delicious! I hope now that the temptations of fast-food restaurants and deep-fried chicken wings will be behind me. In other words: sorry, not sorry.

Jogging

• Distance: 7.25 km (6.02 km)
• Duration: 57:03 (33:05)
• Average Pace (Min/km): 7m53s (5m29s)
• Steps: 8,850 (5,065)
• Calories burned: 754 (720)
• Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (153)

I am back on track today, but I am starting to realign my thinking. With the tremendous progress that I have made, especially in these last two months of being on the full-fast program (excepting for my trips to Dallas), it might be time for me to start looking at an endgame… a time to start weening myself off the full-fast program, and in fact working toward being off any programs. I have said recently that my intention is to get through two more months on the full-fast (excepting, of course, another trip to Dallas), and then to begin transitioning off the program. That transition might take many forms, and it would not be a quick process, but it is something to start thinking about. I am also thinking, after yesterday’s multi-meal indulgence, that over my last couple of months – that is, between now and when I start transitioning – it might not be so horrible to have a healthy planned cheat meal every two weeks, or every week, or whatever that might end up looking like. I will give it some thought over the next few days.

I stepped onto the bathroom scale with the full expectation that I would have gained two pounds, taking me back over the 260 lbs. mark. In fact, I gained only .6 lb. which was a much more reasonable result from the decisions I made yesterday. In truth, had I stopped with the steak and salad, I likely would have lost an ounce or two this morning; also, I know the evils of eating late at night, and preparing my fish and salad at 9:30pm was counterintuitive. I am back on track today, and I will recover what little ground I lost in my journey over the next couple of days.

Today is Friday, March 24^th. I am planning to go to the gym today, seeing as the weather will be cloudy and cool. In fact, looking at the ten-day forecast, there will not be too many days that promise enjoyable outdoor running conditions, so I will likely be spending quite a bit of time on the treadmill. As long as I go today, I will be continuing my streak – I have jogged every day since Monday, for a total of 31km jogging. Today will be Day 5 of that streak, and I am planning for at least 10km today. There is a Garmin Connect badge that I would collect if I can do one fifteen-kilometre jog during the month of March, and I might try for that… but I also will not push myself too hard. I have to listen to my body and let pain be my guide.

I find it hilarious that my gluteus maximus muscles are aching these last couple of weeks; Until a few months ago, my posterior would hurt most often from sitting on it for long stretches of time. Knowing that it is aching because of the tremendous amount of jogging I have been doing makes me want to make them ache more! That is not to say that I have not thought about finding a decent massage place that might be able to make those muscles (and the rest of them) ache less, but that is not my number one priority right now. I am a strange bird in a lot of respects. I consider the aches that I am feeling my body’s penance for neglecting it for so long. While there are days when I take a couple of aspirin (I think I did that one day this week), that has been the extent of my need to deal with any discomfort. Well… that and readjusting how I am sitting a few times!

There is a song that I remember learning from a buddy who was a sergeant on a base that I served on for a couple of months. Funny, I do not remember his name, but I remember him walking up to where I was standing post and singing ‘Today is Friday… and tomorrow is the Sabbath, the Sabbath for us to rest.’ The thing was that he was singing it to me on a Tuesday, and I kept yelling (in jest) ‘LIAR!’ Well, today really is Friday, and while I do have to teach this evening, tomorrow really is the Sabbath. I will remember the Sabbath as holy as I always do… observing the Fourth Commandment (as it is written in Exodus 20:8. I am afraid that I do not observe the Sabbath Day as holy as the Commandment decrees in Deuteronomy 5:12) by lighting the candles this evening and reciting the blessings and praying for the health of my family and friends. The list of my friends for whom I pray continues to grow, which is sad. I do not mean prayers for general well-being, of course. I mean the list of my friends who are sick. A number of them have cancer and are undergoing treatment for that. Two were in terrible automobile accidents and continue to recover. So many others are going through so many different health-related issues that I sometimes feel guilty that I am, for the most part, in perfect health. I am still obese, but I am not morbidly so as I was. My gout has not bothered me in months (thanks to a pill that I remember to take every morning). My ADHD is under control (thanks to the other pill that I remember to take every morning). When I pray for Sophie and Marty and Sean and so many other friends who are hopefully going to get better I also thank Hashem that I am not in their place. I am truly blessed to be in good health, and I hope going forward to never take that for granted… as I did for so many years by ignoring the importance of a healthy body weight.

My plans for today are to stay mindful, to stay on track, and to stay focused. A ten (or more) kilometre jog on the treadmill will be nice, but it will not be an excuse to have a second consecutive cheat day. I do have some work to do on my teaching workstation today – I noticed a lot of slowdowns on it recently and decided that refreshing the operating system was just what the doctor ordered. Of course, that also means that I have to reinstall a lot of my applications, and that I have to log on to my class a few minutes earlier than I normally would, just to make sure that all of the tools I need to teach have been reinstalled. While I am on the treadmill I might try to calibrate my fitness watch because I am pretty sure that while it does great when running on the street (it has a great GPS in it), it is not properly calibrated for my pace on the treadmill. I will set a lower pace on the machine, and then try to get it properly calibrated so that my future measurements – as I get more into shape and more into running – will be more accurate. While I do plan to finish my pot of coffee today (and hopefully I will remember to buy more fake milk), I have no plans to consume anything else beyond my meal replacements. If needed, I will also pop a throat lozenge during class. I do not know if the bathroom scale will reflect it tomorrow morning or the next, but my weight loss progress will resume, and I know that what I have been doing is working. I will keep that up!

I have reached out to my diet buddy who will likely be coming over tomorrow or Sunday for a cup of coffee. Once she confirms which day works better for her I will reach out to my son the younger and I will take him out for lunch the other day of the weekend. I will not be eating with him though… and if he insists on going back to Lone Star Texas Grill then I am going to use it as an opportunity to prove that my resolve is stronger than my desires, and that I do not have to succumb to every temptation. I hope he picks somewhere else though… but I have not seen him in a month, and ultimately it will be his choice. Feigning a stomach virus so that I do not have to order food is not a bad idea, but not eating those chips is more important. I am going to start thinking about that now and will go into whatever restaurant he chooses with the resolve to stay on track.

Have a great day folks!