Losing a part of me

My bathroom dry spell continues. I am really hoping that sometime during the day today I will finally feel the urge, but as I advised someone just the other day, there should be nothing to worry about as long as I am not in any discomfort from it. I will continue as I have been doing, realizing that it is possible that my psychological concerns over my failure to move my bowels is just that… in my head. As I mentioned just a couple of days ago, I feel I am in a much better head space than I was at the end of last year and am sure I have the capacity to deal with this right now.

I miscalculated my plans yesterday and thus found myself out of the house (and without a meal replacement) when it was time to partake. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided that if my failures earlier this week were indeed caused by waiting too long then it would not be a good idea to force the wait. I would have been able to make it I am sure, but I did not want my hunger to get too far gone to be sated by a meal replacement. I decided to stop and pick up a handful of peanuts. I ate these instead of (rather than in addition to) one of my meal replacements. I feel that I did well with that compromise, especially knowing that I really was careful with how many peanuts I purchased. The whole purchase cost me $0.87, tax included.

Despite my inability to flush solid waste of late, the bathroom scale was quite kind to me today. I dropped an amazing 1.4 lbs.! That puts me 40.6 lbs. from winning my bet with Leslie! Okay, I am not really doing this to win a bet, but I am using that as an excuse to keep going and to stay on track. I believe yesterday was the second day that I was able to stay on the program (the peanut substitution notwithstanding). I did not go to bed hungry, and I am happy with my weight loss. I would love to be able to stay true to it until I see Leslie again, which is forty days from today in California.

I just had an interesting thought. We are meeting in California for Yom Kippur. It was following the Yom Kippur services in 2020 that I fell off the wagon and never quite recovered, leading to my gradually gaining back every pound I had lost and then some. That will not happen this year. In 2020 I drank the tequila and ate the cake, and then went home alone… stopping off at Von’s to purchase a fried chicken which was the beginning of the end. I have said a few times jokingly that it was my rabbi’s fault, but it never was. It was my solitude that led to my failure. This time I have the support of my loving wife, and I will not slip and fall this time… and if I do have a cheat meal to break the fast then I will recover the following day knowing that I have someone who loves me and who supports me… and who I do not want to disappoint.

How wonderful would it be if by then I might have lost enough weight that my current suits will not fit me!?

I met with both people who were selling me meal replacements yesterday and now have a good supply to last two months on my partial program. It was a costly day only when viewed as an up-front expense; knowing that I would have bought them anyways, and that I saved 30% off the full price, I am quite satisfied that it was a smart purchase and a prudent one… as long as I do not fall off the program again. Maybe my thrift can be another motivating factor to reach my goals!

Okay, it is time to get on with my day. I have some studying to do and I hope to have a chat with my wife between her meetings. My cigar and ashtray are ready for those two occasions, as I hope to do my studying outside today.

Have a great day folks!