Losing a part of me

I was able to follow my plan yesterday, so when I hopped onto the bathroom scale this morning, I was relieved that my weight dropped to almost Wednesday’s number. I am still above the horrible 295 lbs. mark, but closer to it today than to 300 lbs. (which I was closer to yesterday).

My knee has been in absolute agony since Wednesday. As there was no obvious reason for it, I suspected it was a gout attack. I have suffered from gout (as did my father before me) for years, and it is truly painful. I did not write about it these last couple of days because my mind was elsewhere, but there was nothing I could do to relieve the pain. I decided yesterday, after speaking with a buddy who suffers from the same affliction (and is on the same meds as I am) that I would see a doctor about it today. I took the opportunity to get my bloodwork done so that it would be done before my yearly checkup next week. The doctor told me that it might be gout, but if I am on the preventive meds as I am then it could either be that (which means I would need to adjust my dosage), or it could be another inflammation (such as arthritis). Either way, the same anti-inflammatory would alleviate the pain, and my bloodwork would determine if it was gout or something else. I am hopeful that by the end of the day (and after a couple of doses of the new meds) that the pain will subside. It has not only prevented me from being able to walk too far, but it also keeps me awake at night.

Because I was going to the clinic, I did not eat breakfast until I was home. I ate late, which means I will eat my lunch late as well. In the evening I will, once again, only have a meal replacement. I am hopeful that I can drop to below 290 lbs. in the next week so that I can be below that number for my Lodge meeting next Saturday. I am hopeful!

I want to shout out quickly to the friends and readers who have reached out to me these last few days to see if I am okay. I have been going through a lot of challenges, but I will persevere. Yes, they have caused me to put my weight loss onto the back burner. Yes, they have at times, been overwhelming. No, I do not plan to go back onto the antidepressants that I stopped taking in June. I believe strongly in psychology and those meds are hugely important for helping mental illness. I do not think that my situation is chemical, rather situational. I have to be stronger, and the meds will not change the way the world is. If I am not willing to turn to whisky to make things better, I do not feel that I should be turning to meds either. I want to be clear that this is a personal decision that is best for me and is not advice I would give to anyone else. If you are feeling overwhelmed, then you should speak to your doctor for the proper advice. Do not be ashamed if you need meds.

I have some work to do, so I am going to close here and go make lunch so that I will then be able to continue my day.

Have a great day folks!