Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 59

    I have not looked back on my previous journal for a few weeks. I do not know why I stopped; maybe it is because the program that I am doing now bears some resemblance to the strict cheatless meal-replacements-only program that I was following the last couple of times. Perhaps it is because I saw how much weight I had lost (I was averaging one pound per day over the first couple of months) and decided that it was disheartening, knowing that as we approach the two-month mark of my journey, I am nearly 35-pounds down, and not the 60-pounds I would have been last time.

    Yesterday was a day of very reasonable cheating. I was meaning to drive to Brantford and then straight home, but as I prepared to return, I got a message from Lyle asking me to come to his house instead of meeting me here. Okay, no problem. Well… one problem. I would have to eat. Not wanting to put out Lyle and Dorothy, I stopped at a convenience store and got an all-beef pepperoni stick. When I arrived, this being the day after St. Patrick’s Day, Lyle offered me a plate of homemade corned beef. I took two slices with some mustard. We went outside for our first of two cigars, and I did not feel at all bad smoking his high-end cigars, as I usually force my high-end cigars on him!

    Between cigars, he offered me one of Dorothy’s cookies. How could I resist? It was wonderful, and I do not feel guilty about it. Okay, I might feel a little guilty about it, but I ate it and enjoyed it. Dorothy is an exceptional baker, and the mix of dark chocolate, dates, figs, and nuts made it worth the cheat. I enjoyed a second exceptional cigar, and then stopped in at the supermarket before coming home for the evening.

    I had my regular dinner of chicken and salad when I got home, and I took HRF Princess Sophie out for a couple more walks before the evening was done. For the first time since before I broke my ankle (in November), I am now over 6,000 steps per day. This is likely due to four factors:

    · I broke my ankle and could not walk for nearly two months.

    · My gout has been bothering me a lot.

    · It has been cold (often bitterly so); and

    · I was heavier than I have ever been, and walking was harder than ever on my feet, knees, and the rest of me.

    My doctor has told me that I need to be exercising, and frankly I did not need him to point that out to me. Of course I need to exercise! He also pointed out that simply walking my dog would not be enough, because most dogs (especially smaller dogs) do not walk at the undisturbed pace that I would need to consider it beneficial. I think that next weekend I am going to start. Why wait? While both my feet and my knees are better than they were, I still feel a little tinge in my left knee, and I want to give it a few more days to heal. What I will say is that for the 6,000 steps that I am taking in a day now, I am doing them at a more comfortable pace than I was even a week ago (because of the gout), and certainly more so than a few weeks ago, when the gout, the knee, and the weight were huge factors. I know that as I lose more weight, the pace will get easier still.

    The plan for today is to drive to Cambridge to see Ryan and the gang. I finally remembered to bring my darts, and Cara is in for a lesson… I always beat her with the random darts I pick up there… let’s see how I do with my own set! They asked if I would stay for dinner, and that is always an uncomfortable question for me. I do not like having to say, ‘I’m sorry, your food is incompatible with my diet program.’ When they told me they are serving pork chops, the refusal was easy! I will bring a couple of meal replacements, and when we get home later this evening, I will make a salad with some chicken.

    The forecast for the next seven days shows rain (or flurries) five of them, but at least the temperatures are warming up. I know that early spring is always going to be rainy, but that’s the price we pay for green summers. I’ll enjoy it… especially with the knowledge that my balcony is covered.

  • Day 58

    Yesterday morning my friend Eduardo picked me up, and we drove down to St. Catherines to spend a few hours with his son. There was some minor computer work that needed to be done – having to do mostly with Quickbooks, which made it more Victor’s area of knowledge than mine. The three of us then went for lunch at a nice Greek restaurant on the Welland canal. I was good – I had two chicken brochettes on a plate of salad. There was more salad dressing than I strictly needed, but still less than my friends put on the Caesar salad last weekend. I also enjoyed the tzatziki – certainly not on the diet, but better that it was on the chicken, and not scooped up with pita bread. No, I did not indulge in than particular sin.

    For dinner I had a slightly larger helping of chicken than I probably should have but did not go terribly overboard. I had my salad, and because it was such a lovely day, I had three and a half cigars on the patio. I was saddened by news that a close friend of my father’s had a heart attack on Wednesday, and I spent a bit of time thinking of him. I am praying for his speedy recovery. He was younger than my dad… but not by much. He was also a lifetime smoker (in addition to being a cigar smoker) and did not live the healthiest lifestyle. As Leslie and I discussed it last night, I told her I am trying to lose the weight, but I was not planning on giving up my cigars anytime soon. Esti (who told me the news) said that we all have a bullet out there with our name on it. Well, I have avoided far too many of those bullets (and none of them were figurative) to live my life in fear… and I will not give up my cigars because of that.

    I have to drive to Brantford this morning to pick up another collection of meal replacements. It is amusing that I am driving all over G-d’s green earth to pick them up… as if they were contraband being delivered by one of Cosmo Kramer’s shady friends. Never mind… I have to go out to do some grocery shopping anyways, and it is another nice day. I might bring a cigar along, although I have not decided on that yet.

    Lyle is coming over for a cigar in the afternoon, which will be nice. I really enjoy sitting and chatting with good friends. I cannot think of any other plans I have for the day, or for the weekend. I am sure something exciting will come up!

    Have a great day!

  • Day 57

    I was a bit off yesterday. There was no particular reason for it that I could discern, but I was a bit melancholy. I went off the diet both in quantities of food – I ate an extra salad with an extra can of salmon – and in foods eaten… I ate a bag of microwave popcorn. I suppose the combination of the two are why the bathroom scale was, once again, slightly up this morning. There is nothing to say but I will do better today.

    The plans are to spend much of the day with my friend Eduardo. The original plan was for him to come spend the afternoon smoking cigars on the balcony, but for reasons I will not elaborate on we will now be spending the day at his son’s house. I used to work for the son, who is not only a very nice guy but also an occasional cigar smoker. I have in the past smoked some very lovely cigars from him; whether I will smoke his cigars today or my own does not matter, I know it will be a lovely day.

    While today’s high temperature of 16°c is 5-10° higher than any other in the ten-day forecast, it is nice to know that there is only one low temperature in that time frame that is predicted to be below zero. Spring is in the air, and you will hear no complaints from me about that! I briefly considered driving to Montreal for the weekend but decided not to. I will stick around here and enjoy the weather as it warms up… without having to spend the ridiculous price at the pump to fill my tank. It is not only for that reason that I will allow Eduardo to drive us to his son’s (he lives 45 minutes away), but it is certainly a consideration.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 56

    I was very good on the diet yesterday, and yet the bathroom scale took back a full pound of weight loss. What I wouldn’t do for a solid floor on which I could reliably weigh myself? Of course, after a ten-pound drop in just over a week, I feel it’s a little like the Canada Revenue Agency. “Sorry, Mr. Garvis. We gave you a very generous tax refund last year… but it was too generous, and we are taking some of it back.” I know I am being silly, but it is frustrating when I cannot reliably track my progress day by day.

    My foot is not hurting as bad today as it was yesterday. Also, it is a relief to know that whatever damage I might have done to my knee over the winter, it is feeling better as well. It is possible that my knee will get better and worse with the weather, as I predicted a few weeks ago. I suppose only time will tell. I suspect that both knee and foot will be happier when I weigh less.

    The original forecast for today showed 10°c, but that seems to have been revised to a high of 6°c. I can live with that, especially since there is no wind to speak of. I will sit on the balcony this afternoon enjoying a cigar or two. I have a student who has asked me to be available for help throughout the day – I told him to reset his labs for this class, as something went wrong and if he does not fix it (possibly by starting from scratch) then the problems will compound throughout the class, and I do not want that to happen. If he does reach out to me, I might take a laptop onto the balcony to work with him. I do not know how warm it will be, especially if the stubborn beast does not want to turn the balcony heater on.

    I am seriously considering going to Montreal this weekend. I have a few things to take care of, and it should be a nice weekend for it. We’ll see.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 55

    A demonstration of willpower: Last week, I went to Costco. I picked up several items for myself, and knowing how much she loves them, I bought a bag of dried mangos for Leslie. That was Friday. Today is Tuesday, and I have still not opened the bag. Three months ago, the bag would not only be open, but it would also be nearly finished.

    I was able to get through Monday mostly according to plan. Breakfast shake, canned salmon on a salad for lunch, chicken and salad for dinner, and an evening meal replacement bar. I am trying to think if I had another shake in there somewhere, but I do not think so. It was, overall, a good diet day. Despite all this, the bathroom scale still registered my weight higher than the previous day.

    I am not going to get discouraged by the numbers on the scale – not when I am nearly eleven pounds down in the last ten days. Weight loss success must be judged based on trends, not individual registers on a chart. I will stay the course today, changing nothing from yesterday.

    My foot is still in pain, but it is a different pain. I am not sure if it is independent of the gout, or if it was never gout to begin with. I doubt that, as the colchicine really did make a difference. I will keep track of it now through my next doctor’s appointment and will make a point to discuss it with him.

    I have a few errands to run today, including a dental appointment to get a chipped filling fixed. He (the dentist) told me it shouldn’t be too long, which gives me hope that it will not be too painful either. I hope to have time for a cigar in the afternoon, but I am not sure. We’ll see how the day goes. While it is not as warm as it was yesterday, and it is supposed to snow throughout the day, it might still be an agreeable day for it. As I said… we’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 54

    Happy Pi Day! As there is not a pie known to me that would be acceptable to eat within the parameters of my diet, I am going to stick to the mathematical formula.

    I did not do as well food-wise yesterday as I might have, but I certainly had the opportunity to do worse, and so I will declare victory.

    I took my sons to my usual breakfast spot in Burlington. The younger son had an Oreo concoction that looked absolutely sinful. The older son had a corned beef hash which looked a lot more up my alley, and he allowed me to take a taste. I had an omelet with cheese and onions, eschewing both the hash browns and the toast for sliced tomato. To compare my plate with theirs was akin to comparing Charles Atlas to the 98-pound weakling. I was comforted by constantly reminding myself that this is what I need to do in order to achieve my goals. I did add some hot sauce to spice it up a little…

    We returned to my apartment and watched the video of my father’s speech. Gilad was tired, and a little saddened by the video of his grandfather and went to sleep in my arms. It was one of the most heartwarming things I can remember. Aaron was glad to hear the stories and wondered aloud to me why Zaide never shared some of them while he was alive. I told him that I had heard most (but not all) of the stories… and what he did not share, he probably just thought he would have more time.

    When the video was over, Gilad was still an immoveable object. Aaron and I went onto the patio for a cigar, and we had a conversation about many things… some of which were painful for him. I will not go into details. It was still not a warm day, and after half a cigar we decided to go back inside. By this point we were able to roust Gilad, and they went home. I made a salad with a can of salmon. It did not satisfy me. I then decided (maybe 90 minutes later) to prepare my dinner (it was 4:30pm) and so I had another salad with a fresh salmon tail. I was still not satisfied. Over the course of the evening, I had one meal replacement shake and one meal replacement bar. All in all, I ate more than I should have, but not terribly so.

    I mentioned that the restaurant is one that I often frequent. I found it heartwarming that one of the waitresses told me she had planned to email me this week to see if I was okay. I told them I was, but that my weight-loss plans did not include breakfasting out. She congratulated me on my efforts, although there was no ‘Well you look great…’ I suppose despite losing 35 pounds so far (approximately) I have a very long way to go.

    In the evening, Leslie and I were discussing our upcoming trip, and we got on-line to order my beach shirts. I have a tradition of wearing very floral, Hawaiian-looking shirts when I am in Cuba. We found seven that we loved, but one of them will not ship until May, and so we ordered six of them. I also tried on my bathing suits, disappointed that neither of them will likely fit yet by the time we go, and so we found a couple of bathing suits that should do me well. It is much cheaper to buy these things in the US, and so I ordered them to Leslie’s place. The added benefit of this is that she will be here in a few weeks and will bring them all. Anything that does not fit, I will send back and order the right size.

    I then decided to try again. You may remember that I have one pair of pants in Size 44 that did not fit me yet. They are the same brand as a couple of the other pair that I have been wearing but are a smaller cut. I tried them on last night. Lo and behold, they are tight… but they fit! These non-scale victories are so much more rewarding than the numbers on an unreliable scale.

    Speaking of the scale, this morning my weight was down once again… almost half a pound from yesterday. There were a couple of bad weeks, but I am back on track and hope to stay that way. I am going to the tailor the end of next week, and I hope to be in a good place. I have decided, however, that I will likely buy fewer clothes than I originally had planned. I do not want to spend too much money on clothes that I hope to no longer be able to wear in a couple of months. We’ll see… I have ten days to make up my mind. I will definitely be buying some shirts, but suits? We’ll see.

    The weather is warming up. Today’s high should reach 8°c, dropping to 3°c tomorrow… then up to 10°c and 16°c for Wednesday and Thursday. In fact, the ten-day forecast only has one number below zero, the -3°c that is today’s low, which is what it was when I took HRF out for her walk this morning. Being mid-March, it is not unheard of that the below-zero weather is officially behind us for the season, which means that cigars on the balcony will become even more commonplace than they have been over the winter.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 53

    Saturday was another good day, if not a great diet day. When Ryan called and asked if I wanted to drive out to Cambridge for a cigar, I packed Her Floofness into the car and we drove out there. Three cigars were no problem; the peanuts were not a good choice, but I forgot to bring meal replacements. Glen (Ryan’s dad) insisted I stay for dinner, and as they were having a chicken Caesar salad, I did not see the harm. There was way more dressing on the salad than was strictly necessary, and I was surprised that the lettuce maintained its structural integrity. I also could not resist the homemade garlic bread. All in all, not the worst cheat day… but I have to remember to bring my meal replacements with me when I go out for more than a couple of hours.

    The bathroom scale was once again generous this morning; if it can be trusted, I have lost ten pounds since last Saturday… although how accurate that is I do not know. Still and all, I am feeling a little better than I was. There is one last pair of pants that I have not fit into yet; I think I will try them on this afternoon to see if I am any closer to success with them. They are the last pair in Size 44 that did not fit; once they do, my next goal will be the Size 42 bin! Both of those will be tremendous non-scale victories.

    My sons asked me to take them for brunch today, and so in a few minutes they will arrive here, and we will head out to the restaurant. They generally like a particular chain that is originally from Quebec, but I have grown tired of it over the years. I recommended my regular (pre-diet) breakfast establishment, and after they perused the menu, they both agreed that it would do. I only hope the wait is not too long. The weather is supposed to warm up today, but as we are now (10:00am Sunday morning) my face felt like it was freezing off on the last few minutes of the walk with HRF. Because of the pandemic, when you arrive at the restaurant you give your name, and then you wait outside for them to call you. We would obviously wait in the car, but I am hoping we don’t have to that for too long.

    Leslie and I had another conversation about Cuba last night. She told me originally that she was not going to get too excited about the trip; I suspect she is losing that fight with herself. It probably does not hurt that I keep talking to her about how relaxing the trip will be!

    I am hoping that the weather will warm up enough so that this afternoon I will be able to comfortably sit outside with a cigar, and if it is I have some reading to do to prepare for a conversation I have to have this week. If not, then I will sit inside and do the same reading… it just won’t be quite as enjoyable.

    The kids just walked in so we are heading out. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 52

    Yesterday was a day of positives all around. As expected, I worked for a few hours before starting my weekend a bit early. I had a nice salad, and then I went to pick up a couple of boxes of shakes from someone in Hamilton who was selling them off. I then stopped into Costco to pick up some cans of salmon… and ended up with $200 worth of stuff that I mostly need but some that I do not… I am not sure, for example, what I will ever do with 1000 packets of sweetener. I did buy chicken thighs, and when I returned home, I immediately separated the 27 thighs into Ziplock bags (3 per bag) and put them into the freezer. I bought some vegetables (onions, cucumbers, and tomatoes… and yes, I know they are actually a fruit but shaddup), and a few other things. While the quantities are a bit silly, I won’t have to worry about not being able to sweeten my coffee through the year 2025.

    When I got home, I realized that the two boxes of shakes that I bought (at a slightly inflated price) were actually four boxes of shakes. I texted the woman I bought them from and told her it was an honest mistake, and that I would transfer her the money immediately. She thanked me and refused and told me they were a gift. That was very sweet of her! We had a great conversation while I was there, and it was never my intention to short her. What was originally an inflated price turned out to be a bargain! Suddenly the drive was really worth it, despite the stupid price of gasoline.

    It was a beautiful afternoon. While it snowed all day, it was still reasonably mild. I sat out on the patio and enjoyed two cigars – one in the afternoon (a Partagas Serie D No. 4 from 2019) which was fabulous, and one later in the evening (a Davidoff Robusto Supremo that Leslie brought me in November). I do not remember the order, but during that time I had great video conversations with a couple of friends, with my girlfriend, and with my cousins in Florida. It was mostly positive, except to find out that my buddy and his wife will not be joining Leslie and me on vacation in May.

    Speaking of which, the trip is booked! We are flying out of Toronto the afternoon of May 10, and under four hours later we will be in sunny Varadero, Cuba. Leslie has never been on a truly relaxing, no-obligations, no-stress vacation before, and as I told her last night, I am on a mission from G-d to ensure that she has the greatest week of her life. We will take a daytrip into Habana to see friends and whatnot, but aside from that we will have no obligations beyond relaxation, enjoyment, and fun in the sun. fifty-nine days and counting!

    I got to speak with a buddy in Havana last night, which was also very nice. We will spend a day with him and his girlfriend. He told me that we can send the girlfriends off to shop while we go hunting for cigars. I laughed and told him that if he thinks that then he does not know my girlfriend, who will be every bit as excited hunting cigars as I will be; more, in fact… I’ve done the rounds of Habana cigar shops myriad times, and this will be her first time! You never forget your first time…

    The weather today is not as nice as yesterday, so I do not expect to spend much time on the patio. I might see if a friend wants to smoke in his garage, just to give me something to do today. Otherwise, I will be sitting at home and watching TV on my iPad, which still does not sound like a bad way to spend a lazy day!

    On the weight loss front, I am down a couple of pounds from yesterday! I am excited about that. A buddy asked if I wanted to drive to Niagara for Brazilian Rodizio or Buffalo wings, and I told him that they are both against my diet, and that I need to preserve my figure to fit into my bikini in Cuba. Good for a laugh, but in all seriousness, be mentioned two of my favourite food groups and I turned him down flat. I must be serious about this weight loss thing.

    Tomorrow I am taking my kids for brunch, and I will be eating. I plan to be good – breakfast and brunch are very dangerous meals because of all of the carbs and starches… I will have something good (maybe an omelet or a salad) while my kids eat their hearts out. It is not often that my older son calls me and wants to get together, so I am excited about that.

    There isn’t much else to say… I’m going to take it easy, catch up on my TV, and enjoy the day. I hope you enjoy it too!

  • Day 51

    Despite whatever fears I might have had last night, the bathroom scale was friendly this morning. If I had just weighed myself the once, I had lost four pounds from yesterday. However, knowing that I do not trust my bathroom, I got onto the scale three more times before getting a steady reading of just about half a pound down, which is certainly more reasonable.

    I always feel better after a haircut, but the next morning, after I have washed and shampooed, I feel even better. I know she prefers my hair slightly longer, but Leslie was quite taken by this haircut. Perhaps it was because the barber trimmed and tidied my beard as well… I do it on my own when needed, but I know I am not very good at it. When he does it, I know that the beard looks nice and even.

    I am going to work toward a reasonably easy and relaxing day today. I have a client meeting this morning and will likely have 2-3 hours of work from that. By midday the temperature will be around 0°c, which is about where it is now. The snow is expected to last all day, but that has never stopped me from sitting on my covered balcony with a cigar… or two. I might try to get together with friends over the weekend, but for today I want to just stay home and stay put. I know that Princess Sophie will be delighted if I take a nap with her at some point. It is just going to be one of those days.

    With regard to food, I am defrosting chicken for dinner. I have had a lot of fish over the last few days (including a lovely salmon steak last night, prepared with a dash of salt, a bit too much pepper, and fresh dill), and for the Sabbath meal I will switch back to my old favourite.

    If I can get a definitive answer from my friend T, I will also be booking our trip today. I am crossing my fingers that he takes his fingers out and makes up his mind!

    Have a great day everyone!

  • Day 50 (Part 2)

    I cheated again today, within the confines of the diet program. Actually, that may not be entirely true. You see, I usually have a salad (with a can of salmon or something) for lunch, and then a piece of fish or chicken for dinner. As a friend was coming over, and I had several errands and appointments today, I skipped the lunchtime salad and had a meal replacement bar. For dinner I had a piece of fish. I was still hungry during my class break, so I made a salad with canned salmon. I did have an extra meal replacement, but that is not the worst cheat.

    Somehow, I get to the end of the day, and I feel like I have failed. I ate too much. I cheated. Yes, I had an extra meal replacement… but I am still under 1500 calories today. I might be up half a pound or even a pound tomorrow morning, but that is only because of the substantial drop I registered today, and not because I cheated.

    I have to get out of this mindset that if I have more than 900 calories in a day then I am a failure.

    I just dismissed my class, and next week I start a new class, with mostly the same group. This coming class is way more in my comfort zone… I’ll be teaching Microsoft stuff, which is where I live and breathe. With the last few weeks there were portions of the classes I was less comfortable with. That will not be the case with a Windows 10 class. In the meantime, I have a weekend to look forward to. I have a meeting tomorrow morning, but I should be on my cigar perch by noon.

    Time for bed.