Losing a part of me

Category: Cheating

  • Day 501

    I ate more than I should have yesterday, and I paid the price for it on the bathroom scale this morning. Not only did I eat too much, I also ate too late. I have to stop doing that. I do not know what possessed me at 7:15pm to decide to make myself a plate of spaghetti. I did, and boom! I will do better today.

    My office area is completely transformed, and I am absolutely thrilled! I have everything set up exactly the way I want. The only decision I was on the fence about was whether to set up my primary desk as the one against the wall, or the other one which is perpendicular to it. The downside of choosing that one (which I did) is that the back of the desk, with exposed cables and monitors, faces the kitchen. I decided that was a better option than the alternative, which would have had my cameras facing both my bedroom and the bathroom. I have tried to be ever vigilant when I work from that desk to keep both of those doors closed when I was on camera, but I have occasionally forgotten. I have also remembered to turn off the camera when going to the bathroom, which is none of my students’ business. I have never forgotten to close the door while actually using the bathroom, but going in and out can be delicate. Now the only thing that I am missing is a cable long enough to plug my main laptop into my managed switch… Yes, I really have one of those.

    (I should mention that another disadvantage to choosing the other desk would have been needing to adjust the top shelves, which need to be screwed and unscrewed carefully. One more disadvantage would have been that while the backs of monitors and cables face the kitchen now, the alternative would have been having two full shelves of books facing the kitchen, which I thought was a worse alternative. G-d forbid my sink explodes, I would have to replace a monitor or two. Some of those books are irreplaceable, dating to the 1890s.)

    My productive day yesterday did not stop when I was finished organizing my office. I broke down all of the boxes that I have had accumulating the last month and took them to the recycling. I took all of my luggage (which has been sitting in the corner of my room since I was getting ready to go to Dallas) down to my locker. I also pulled out the tools and fixed the handle on my front door, which was loose and ready to come off in my hand at any moment. I admit that I was not so sure about how that one would go, and if I might not need to enlist the services of a handyman for it. I used to be pretty handy, but it has been a very long time since I have tried to do anything like that. I felt a great sense of accomplishment when it was done… and properly done at that. I hung up the half-dozen or so jackets and vests that were draped over chairs and couches. I folded the outstanding laundry (although now that I think of it, I suspect I have another load in the dryer that I will need to address today). I even put a broken chair into the car and took it to a dumpster (that I am not technically supposed to use). I took most of my martial arts weapons and put them into my Taekwondo sparring bag (not the one I would take to class today) and put that in the storage locker as well. After a very productive Sunday, my apartment is more organized than it has been in a very long time.

    At the end of my nearly seven hours of productive work, I should not have rewarded myself with a plate of pasta after my cut-off time. I will have to remember that. The simple equation is that when I am mindful, I lose weight, and when I am not then I do not. Really, Mitch… this is not Rocket Science. Stop doing stupid things like that!

    It is going to be a lovely day today, and I would like to take full advantage of that… but alas, my schedule will not permit me to. After class I will prepare my lunch, and then I have a meeting with my cousin who wants help with her IT environment. After that, I will take Her Royal Floofness for a long walk and I will time it so that I can be back in time to set up my environment on the balcony for this evening’s cigar class. It will be busy, but I am excited by just about everything I have on my list for the day. I am even excited to discuss software troubleshooting with my students for the next four hours.

    I will stay mindful, and I will get through the day… and tomorrow morning the numbers on the bathroom scale will be better than they were today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 492

    There were three reasons I doubted today my mostly consistent weight loss would continue this morning. 1) I cheated yesterday. 2) I have been having trouble moving my bowels these last couple of days. 3) I decided last night very late (11:30pm) to have my last meal replacement, even though the plan had been to skip it because of my cheating. I made this decision because the meal replacement shakes are my best conduit for added fibre, which I decided (after a painful and failed attempt in the bathroom) was necessary. I am going to address each of these issues individually, but first:

    I did it. This morning, despite my expectations that I would not drop, the bathroom scale reported my weight at 250.0 lbs. It is a huge milestone, a threshold on which I have never, in all of my attempts to lose weight these last twenty years, stood. If I am able to stick to the program today, then tomorrow morning’s weigh-in might actually be in the 240s. I do not remember ever being there before. I am almost breathless with anticipation!

    Okay, so now that I have that out of the way, let me address the three points from my first paragraph:

    1. I love teaching. Technical training has been a passion of mine for years, and I truly enjoy it. When training went online and I had to accept that my students were not in front of me, I adjusted and found ways to make the best of it. My daytime class this week (I taught an evening class as well) was a group of military members who try as I might I could not engage. It felt like I spent the entire week speaking to an empty room. Add to that I did not plan my timing as well as I usually do, so the last day (yesterday) was a mad rush to finish. I got through it, but it was extremely stressful. As I drove to Hamilton for my evening plans (cigars with friends) I was hungry, even though I had my third meal replacement of the day less than an hour before. I know now as I knew then that my hunger was emotional, but it did not matter. I broke down and stopped at Bulk Barn to buy peanuts to eat in the car. I feel guilty and ashamed of it, but I doubt I would have made it through the evening had I not done so.
    2. As I have written about previously, one of the effects of a full-fast program with liquid meal replacements is that there will be days when I do not move my bowels. I do not think I had a good poop since Wednesday, and that can affect weight loss in the short term for sure. Unfortunately, read the next point.
    3. Last night I felt the urge to poop, and I tried… hard. It was painful, and I was unable to succeed. I realized that my solid waste was too solid and would need some help. It was past my bedtime, and I never like to eat (or whatever the term for ingesting a meal replacement is) that late, but the shakes are my usual conduit for fibre. I had originally skipped my fourth meal replacement of the day in lieu of the cheat-peanuts, but I needed the fibre… badly.

    I still managed to get to where I wanted to be this morning on the bathroom scale, even though I suppose when I had said I want to hit 250 I probably meant I wanted to be below 250… but I am at the mark, and I am happy with it. I will do well these next couple of days and I will drop below it soon enough.

    The reason I waited so long to take the fibre is because when I was taking it before I started having bowel issues that scared me… two weeks of diarrhea led me to get off the program until I was able to see my doctor and make sure I was safe to resume. My solution then was to do a partial program, where I would have shakes but I would also have enough regular solid food to regulate my system. I am probably 5-10 pounds away from making that decision anyways, so it is something I am going to start thinking about more.

    I am driving out to Strathroy today to see my buddy who has been sick. I also get to see my godchildren while I am there, and I am really excited. I wish I had thought to pick up presents for them, but honestly this week has been a shitshow. I will do my best to stay on track with my program and will make sure I have my meal replacements and my shaker bottle with me. On my way home I will drop in to have a cigar with Ryan in Cambridge. All in all, I will be doing a lot of driving today… but I will also get to see some friends I don’t see as often as I wish I could.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 481

    I am not back on track… but I am going in the right direction. Yesterday was always going to be a hectic day, and I knew that jogging would not be in the cards. Nonetheless, I was able to accomplish everything that I intended to, which is more than I can say for some days. I still ate, but I do not feel that I overindulged as I have some of the last few days. I did, however, find myself quite hungry after coming in from my cigar in the evening, and I decided to break my rule about evening snacking. I opened a bag of mini crisps and did something I have not had any success in doing recently: I took six chips and then put the bag away. While it is conceivable that I stopped at six because I was calling Leslie back, the first thought that came to mind was that if I only had enough to kerb my hunger and no more then I might not be disappointed when I stepped onto the bathroom scale the next morning. Indeed, a 2.4 lbs. drop from yesterday was a welcome relief. The fact that I am now ten pounds heavier than my best weight ever is balanced by the fact that I am down 3.6 lbs. in the last two days, and even though I am still above the 260 lbs. mark, I am heading in the right direction. I have started to take the steps necessary to quash the last month of slipping and sliding.

    I really enjoyed the first session of my cigar sommelier course last night… once it got started. The original time was supposed to be 5pm, and there was a lot of confusion around… something. Fortunately, all is well that ends well, and we had a great session with the master. There are students from all over the world, and I was relieved that I was not the only one whose Spanish is not very good. The translator did a decent job, and I look forward to continuing with it.

    My plan for today is to teach until 1pm, then have lunch. I am hoping that after lunch I will be able to go for a jog, and then get home in time for my 4:30 phone session with my therapist. I need to discuss the rollercoaster I have been on lately, and hopefully I can get some pointers to stay on track. My wife and my diet buddy are great supports, but right now it is all hands on deck. I need to make sure that this last month is a blip, and not ‘where it all goes wrong.’ I am teaching in the evening, and I am always excited to start a new class. It ends at 9:00pm, which will give me just enough time to have a cigar date with my wife… as long as the weather on both sides holds up!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 468

    What an amazing weekend this was! I was completely off my diet, and did not care. I told Leslie that I expected to go back to Canada on Sunday around 270 lbs., a little over 16 lbs. heavier than my best weight ever. I truly expected that with all of the eating and drinking that I did, coupled with the fact that I did not do any exercising whatsoever, I would step onto the bathroom scale this morning (we returned to Dallas last night) ten pounds heavier than when I left Canada. In fact, I was in for the shock of the day when I saw that I had actually lost 4 lbs. since the day we flew to California, which is absolutely a small wonder… if not really a victory. I should mention that in the week leading up to that day last Friday I was on edge, eating much more than I should have. I would even go so far as to say that I fell off the wagon completely, binging on the airplane ride from Canada to Texas. As such, my weight from that Friday was somewhat artificially inflated. With that said, I am extremely happy with this morning’s weight.

    When I showed Leslie my weight this morning she was shocked. The only meal that we did not enjoy together in California was breakfast Monday, and other than that she saw what (and how much) I ate. She is and has been my biggest supporter on my weight loss journey and has been very aware of my mental ups and downs caused by some of my transgressions, plateaus, and roller coasters. I had told her before we even left for California that I fully expected to gain ten pounds this weekend. For me to have lost four pounds blew her mind as much as it did my own. All of my friends commented on how amazing I looked with my weight loss (I have lost sixty pounds since I was there in October). One of them joked that brides and grooms do not actually gain weight during their wedding weekend, and I told him that I so wish that were true. Who knew that it actually is!?

    We sat on the airplane yesterday and I could not help but notice that the man sitting in the row in front of us had his fat hanging over the armrest. I thought back to not too long ago when that was how I was, and how much happier I am now. Eighteen months ago I would never have been comfortable in a seat that did not have armrests that could be raised… not to mention how embarrassing it was to have to ask for a seatbelt extender. We took our seats in the exit row (which afforded us much more leg room, but rigid armrests), and I was perfectly comfortable in my seat. I only wish I had taken the middle seat to let Leslie sit in the window… and what an amazing victory that is, knowing how miserable I would have been in the middle seat at my heaviest weight. Yay!

    So let’s talk about the weekend. Firstly, we woke up Friday to find out that our flight was delayed by four hours, and when we finally got onto the plane, we waited nearly two more hours while they dealt with a mechanical issue. Arriving in Southern California at 3:30pm instead of 9:15am completely wrecked our plans to meet a friend for cigars in Beverly Hills, but that’s part of life. We checked into our magnificent hotel room and went for dinner. We both had pasta which was out of this world, and which is of course completely forbidden on my diet program. Following dinner we attended the Sabbath evening services at the shul which was lovely. Not only was it great to see so many of the people I have not seen in two years and to experience my first such service in that time, but it was also Leslie’s first ever Sabbath service. Despite being a bit overwhelmed (by both the experience and some of the people), she really enjoyed it. Following services, we adjourned to the hotel where we enjoyed a cigar on the patio before turning in.

    The plan for Saturday was to run the last couple of errands that were outstanding – and there were not many of them – and to then meet with the rabbi and his family in the afternoon to discuss the wedding. We ate both breakfast and lunch at The Stonehaus (where I have spent countless hours, and where she and I would spend a lot of time during this trip). We then had dinner at a posh waterfront terrace where the sushi was some of the best we have ever eaten, and despite the lousy service (and the cold which came on fast when the sun went down) we had a lovely time. As is our norm, we then returned to the hotel for a cigar and then bed.

    Sunday was the big day! I was stressed because I was still waiting for confirmation that some of the final details (some of which were quite significant) had not been confirmed. I find it much easier to rely on other people when they communicate better with me, so not having heard anything from the bakery in a week I was stressed that the challah and wedding cake might not be delivered. It was not until 1:15pm (the wedding was starting at 3:00pm) that I received confirmation that they had been delivered. That was the last of it… we were ready to go! My bride was absolutely ravishing in her dress, and my new shirt and tie fit perfectly under my suit. I had a very minor scare that my belt might not fit, but I realized the problem and then there was no problem. We arrived at the temple exactly when we were meant to, and just before our first guests began to arrive.

    A Jewish wedding consists of three pillars: the ketubah, the chupah, and the yichud.

    The first pillar, the ketubah, is literally a contract. Before the actual ceremony the rabbi must read the contract aloud to us and have it confirmed by two witnesses that he read it correctly. While he reads it, we had to hold onto two ends of a handkerchief. Had one of us dropped our end, the wedding would not have happened. Fortunately that did not happen. It was a bit amusing that it turned out the two witnesses that I selected did not even know how to write their names in Hebrew, but this was not the rabbi’s first day on the job, and he knew to help them beforehand. Still and all, their signatures in English look much smarter than their Hebrew ones!

    The second pillar is the chupah, which is a wedding canopy that symbolizes the home. It is traditionally the groom’s tallit (prayer shawl) attached to posts held up by four men, and the ceremony takes place under that. Our rabbi did such a marvelous job of explaining all of the traditions and symbols to both us and to the attendees. I am glad that one of my friends recorded it, as so much of it was a blur to me. The important thing is that Leslie and I were married, and after we kissed I stepped on the glass to break it… an old Jewish tradition.

    The third pillar is the yichud, where the bride and groom spend time alone. While historically this was when the bride and groom would… consummate the marriage, this tradition is mostly an anachronism today… which is good, because the room to which we were led was separated from the hall by a curtain. Today the tradition is for them to spend a few moments together alone, feeding each other, and enjoying our first minutes as a married couple alone before greeting the guests. Leslie and I went into the library and shared a plate of food for ten minutes before we ventured out to the bridal table, on which was placed the largest challah bread I have ever seen. It was not only huge, but it was also delicious! We said the blessing over the bread, and I was asked to rip off pieces to throw at the attendees. It was a lot of fun, and this was a tradition that was new to me!

    When the wedding cake came out we shared a piece, and Leslie did manage to smoosh a piece into my face. The pictures of that are amazing! The cake, one of the last pieces I was worried about, was indeed perfect… as was the rest of the wedding.

    We finally drove to The Stonehaus, where most of the guests joined us for cigars. I think one of the guests bought a bottle of champagne as well, but at this point I remember very little The cigars were amazing, but the best part of the after-party was that I had nothing left to worry about. I had actually planned a wedding that went off perfectly, and at The Stonehaus it was all about chatting with friends. I did give a speech in which I hope I did not forget to thank everyone who needed to be thanked.

    Between all of the meals (aside from pasta, we shared several pizzas and French fries, breakfasts, a shabu shabu (Japanese hot pot) meal with desserts, plus so much more), snacks (don’t even get me started!) and drinks (I drank more wine this weekend than I have in the past year), it is a wonder that I did not gain fifteen pounds! I was certain that I had lost a lot of ground with my progress. I knew that I would need to return to my disciplined program; on our return to Dallas I would start with a modified program, and then when I return to Canada next Sunday, I will be back on the full-fast program. Despite the fact that I did not lose any ground this weekend, I plan to stick to that plan. I do not know for how much longer I will stay on the full-fast program, but I am going to try for at least six weeks more. We will see how well I do in the next month… and how well I feel doing it. One way or another though I am going to be transitioned to at least semi-normal (rather, my new normal, as my old normal was how I kept gaining weight in the first place) by the beginning of July and my birthday.

    Cigars… wow, did we smoke a lot of good cigars this weekend! Of course I brought a couple of very good boxes of Cuban cigars to share with our guests, and many of them gave us cigars and booze as presents. I also brought three special Davidoff Royal cigars – one for Leslie, one for me, and one for the rabbi. Any cigar smoker who has looked will know that while the Royal is not the most expensive of their offerings, it is in the top two. When Leslie first got into Davidoff cigars last year she saw them and bought two – one for me to smoke on the night of our civil wedding, and one for me to smoke on the night of our religious wedding. That was before she realized how much she really enjoyed cigars, and so I made sure that there were enough for the three of us. We took more than fifty cigars to California with us, and we came home with about the same number… having received many as gifts, and we also found a couple of unexpected treasures in my favourite Westlake Village cigar shop!

    Friends… everyone wanted to spend time with us, and while I love all of my friends, they had to understand that this trip was a short one with one purpose, and that we did not have a lot of bandwidth for extra socializing. One concession to that was Monday evening when we went to my old cigar lounge to meet some of the boys. It was a lot of fun, but Leslie and I were both already drained before we went there. It might be the only time I have been there when I only smoked a single cigar. One bonus that came from that evening was that one of the boys told me that one of our old members is now working at a cigar shop in Dallas! I plan to surprise him today by just popping in. I can hardly wait to see the look on his face!

    I have not been sleeping very well these last few nights, and last night was no exception. It is no wonder with the time change – we were in bed by 11:30, but where we woke up it was only 9:30pm. I hope tonight I will be able to get some rest. If I can, I will try to take a nap before I teach. Fortunately, I know that my class (the second to last one after three months with the same group) will be entirely review, so I really do not have a lot of preparation to do. That does not mean that I do not have to stay awake during class, so if I do not nap then I will have a coffee before class starts.

    Tomorrow I will try to get out for my first jog in over a week, but I need at least one more day to recover. While my fitness watch is showing my Body Battery at 69/100, I have no faith in that this morning, just based on the fatigue (both mental and physical) that I feel. It was a most wonderful weekend, but it was a stressful and exhausting one. My body may be in much better shape than it was in several months ago, but it is still nearly fifty-one years old and cannot get by on four hours of sleep like I did in the Army. No, I did not only sleep four hours last night… according to my watch it was 6.5 hours. It could have been ten hours, I still feel drained and I doubt there is anyone who watched me go these last two weeks who would question why that is. Tomorrow I shall jog. Today is one last day of decompression.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 456

    Falling off the wagon can hurt a lot worse than it has these last few days. It is time to admit though that if I did not quite fall off, then I have not exactly been steadily on the wagon either. I cheated (some wrong foods, but all wrong portions) Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The only bright light is that I have still remained active. I jogged all of those days except yesterday, and even yesterday I got in my steps. I slipped for sure, and it sucks that I am more than five pounds heavier than I was Friday morning. Had I not jogged (or walked) it would have been much worse.

    You know something, that is not entirely true. Another reason I did not fall of worse is because I have stayed mostly mindful, even in my cheating. Yes, my portion sizes of chicken and salmon were too damned big… but they were still healthy proteins, no sauces. Yes, I bought a couple of bags of mini crisps which are bad for my weight loss… but I did not buy the Ruffles potato chips that would have been much worse (not to mention also come in much larger bags, which would have been just as empty when I was done with them). Over these few days I have bought both peanuts and almonds from Bulk Barn… but they have been very reasonable quantities each time. My second worst cheat was yesterday when I found a bag of almonds in my pantry yesterday (which should not have been there) which I opened and finished… again, it was a terrible cheat, but they were finished by 5:30pm, and I skipped two meal replacements in the evening to counterbalance that. Frankly, my worst cheat (and the one that bit me hardest) was the smoked turkey drumstick that I bought and devoured Tuesday. Had it been roasted turkey then the only problem would have been the portion size (which could easily have been three meals). According to sources, the 27g of fat also has 2,800mg of sodium.

    My goal for today is to get back onto the wagon. I plan to head for the gym around 11:45 for a good run on the treadmill. My gym is only a few blocks from the train station, where I have to pick up my cleaning lady at 2pm, and if I time things right then I don’t have to make the round trip twice. On my way there I will drop some shirts off at the dry cleaners, which I should have done yesterday had I thought of it. Yes, my new shirts are due to arrive on Monday, but that does not mean my old shirts are going in the garbage. As long as I do not make any pit stops to buy snacks along the way, I will be fine. Unfortunately, the gym is two blocks from Bulk Barn, my dry cleaner is attached to Fortino’s, and the cleaning lady and I need to hop into Wal-Mart to pick up some supplies. I suppose it will be a good test of my willpower.

    This evening, Leslie and I are sitting down (virtually) with the Rabbi to go over the details of our wedding. While it is exciting, it is also stressful. I also have to make a number of calls today and tomorrow about the logistics; If it were not for the time zone differential it would be slightly less stressful for me, but there it is. I am extremely excited about the wedding, and this morning I went downstairs to my storage locker to bring up my garment bag suitcase; While my regular suitcase has a compartment for hanging shirts and a suit, I have long suspected that for this trip I would be better suited (no pun intended) with the luggage designed for that purpose.

    Leslie made a great point this morning… I need special fun socks for the wedding! We went through some options online and picked out the perfect pair. One more job that I had almost neglected is now done!

    My plan for today is to get through it without any cheats. I will hit the treadmill at the gym, followed by a hydro massage and then shower, sauna, shower. My cleaning lady will be here in the afternoon, and while she is here, I will make some of my calls about the logistics. If the weather cooperates, I might also have a cigar on the balcony while she is here. Following the call with the rabbi, I will head to Taekwondo, where I will likely take it easy because of my elbow, which is still in a lot of pain (although much less so for the Aspirin). If I can get all of this done, plus my errands, then I know that when I step onto the bathroom scale tomorrow morning, I will weigh less than I did today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 455

    I have not been talking about my elbow because I have thought every day for the last couple of weeks that it was just because I slept badly on it, and that it would get better on its own. Yesterday evening at Taekwondo, I realized how much it is really hurting; this morning, I could hardly use my right arm. I took Aspirin and an anti-inflammatory and will baby it for a few days. If I do not feel any improvement by tomorrow morning, then I will go to the clinic and have it looked at. If nothing else, I only have one anti-inflammatory left, and I will need a new prescription if the issue persists.

    Because of the weather, I worked out at the gym yesterday. I did not take the time to recalibrate my fitness watch or my iPhone app, so both of them recorded strangely weird totals. According to the treadmill, I walked 3.2 miles, which translates to slightly over 5km. While that alone was not enough to reach my daily steps goal, I would do so within the next hour, and by doing a lot of jogging in place while waiting in line for my turn during two consecutive Taekwondo classes, I would shatter the goal by nearly 7,000 steps. After bringing Her Floofness for her morning walk, I needed only register another 6,300 steps today to extend my streak to ten, tying my best streak ever. While waiting for my tyre and oil change, I decided to go for a walk around the buildings. It was not a power walk by any means – I was even smoking a cigar as I went, but by the time my car was ready I had registered a 4.15km walk, and I have officially tied my previous streak. I do not know if I will run this afternoon or not – that will depend on a couple of factors – but it doesn’t matter… by the end of the day I will have reached my 10,000 steps, even if that is just from taking the dogs out for a couple of walks. Yes, I said dogs… Charlie’s mom asked if I wouldn’t mind, and of course I do not. Tomorrow I will be jogging,

    I am still off the program. Yesterday I bought a smoked turkey leg which I enjoyed for dinner. I was not thinking about how much salt there is in a turkey leg, but after dinner when I realized how much water I was drinking I knew what was going on. I also knew that this morning I would be grossed out by the numbers on the bathroom scale. I also knew that it would be temporary. I cheated again today, but not nearly as bad. I made some salmon and rice for lunch, this time not completely destroying the rice. I will continue on a partial program for the day and will see how I am feeling tomorrow. The rest of my food intake today should be meal replacements only. We’ll see.

    I am really excited that I received notification from DHL when I woke up that my new clothes will be delivered Monday, which means that I will be able to bring them with me to Dallas and California with me. That does not change the fact that this afternoon I have an appointment with a tailor to have my suit taken in.

    I went to the tailor to discover that while my suit does need to be dry cleaned, it does not need to be altered. That is a relief, and I dropped it off at the dry cleaner. I also left with the tailor two pair of pants and my vest to have them taken in. It will be nice to get a few more months out of those.

    I guess the day has gotten away from me, but I did have a cigar on the patio, and am in front of my computer in time to publish this article before I start my class.

    Have a great day folk!

  • Day 453

    I am not sure why I was unable to stay on my program for the last three days. I am just glad that my dedication to staying active, to jogging and when I can’t jog anymore then to walking, has stopped me gaining more weight than I did. Despite falling off my program these last three days, I am still just over 3 lbs. up from my best weight ever (recorded Friday). Knowing what I ate Friday and Saturday and Sunday, it would have been much worse had I cheated and not stayed active.

    I wrote yesterday about my streaks, and sure enough I was able to continue to creep toward my best ever walking streak, which was a 10-day period that I spent in Havana leading up to the pandemic. Yesterday was my seventh day meeting my steps target (which Garmin has set at 8,560 steps per day), and I plan to keep going all week. The thing is, when I set that streak in 2020, Garmin had my step goal set much lower (under 5,000 steps per day). I know that while I need three more days to tie and then break that personal record according to the app, I have already crushed it, with just over 115,500 steps in that seven-day period. The Garmin app does acknowledge that last week is in fact my record for most steps in a week since I have been using it (dating to September 24, 2019). My most steps in a month was in July 2020 when I was living in California and doing a lot of walking, both with my dog and for exercise. As of this writing I am seventeen days into the month of April and I am not quite halfway there… but if you take into account that I spent a week in Dallas not exercising, I am not doing too bad. I would have to average slightly over 14,000 steps per day every day until the end of the month to beat that record. Considering my daily average over the last week is 16,400, I have a pretty good chance of hitting it… as long as I stay on track! (I should also remember that the last three days of the month I will be traveling with Leslie, culminating in our wedding on April 30! If it comes down to the wire, I will probably miss it by a few steps. Those three days I will have much more important things to worry about than my steps goals.)

    While I did not end up keeping my pledge to myself yesterday to get back on track on my full-fast program, I did jog. After Saturday’s record-breaking outing I decided I needed to take it easy yesterday, so just shy of 5.2km I pulled up and walked the rest of the way. I was happy to hit that, and with the 2.35km walk that followed, I still got 7.5km in before hitting the showers.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 5.18km (15.01km)
    • Duration: 39:58 (1:59:05)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m43s (7m56s)
    • Steps: 6,120 (17,850)
    • Calories burned: 600 (1,850)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (150)

    I have mentioned a few times that I am using some of the challenges (both on Garmin and on MapMyFitness.com) to inspire me to push myself. On the 1,023 in 2023 challenge on MapMyFitness I am poised to crack the top 16% of participants today. That challenge gives interim badges, with my next one (400km) less than 60km away. I really feel that I am doing well, although I am also motivated by the tremendous weight loss I have enjoyed, and the great shape my legs are in!

    There are quite a few more challenges on the Garmin app than on MMF. Some of these are simply automated challenges from Garmin, which awards points and badges for each one achieved. Others are challenges created by other members who challenge each other, and we use them to either motivate themselves or others, or else they like to compete and look good. I never expect to win the challenges versus others, but there are occasionally good conversations in the groups. As such, I posted the following in one of them this morning:

    Well, I’ll not be competing to win this challenge, but I do not consider myself in competition with anyone but myself. My ‘Most Steps in a Day’ was October 1 when my wife and I took our stepson to Disneyland. My most steps in a month was in July, 2020… the last time I was really on a good weight-loss journey. My most steps in a week was the week that ended yesterday, and I plan to break that record this week. Thanks for the motivation, folks! I don’t care that I sit in 45th place… I want to be the #1 me that I can be!

    When I see people in these challenges logging 200,000 steps in a week, I know that I am not nearly able to compete with that, but they do motivate me to do better sometimes. There is one weekly steps challenge that I participated in for the week that ended last night, and while I was 22nd overall, it is nice to know that fewer than 10,000 steps separated me from 16th place… and that 75 people finished behind me. While there is so often too much chatter in some of these challenges, and I will leave the ones that are too disturbing (my watch vibrates with every message), I still enjoy the ones that I am in… even though I seldom win.

    I will mention that my list of accomplishment badges keeps improving, with nearly seventy badges already earned – six for running, five for steps, twenty for challenges. They really mean nothing outside of the Garmin Connect world, but when I see that one is within my reach I will push myself a little harder to earn it… such as the 100k steps badge for the first two weeks of April, my 15km run activity for April, and my 300k steps in March badge (which was earned by pushing myself just a little bit harder on March 31). They mean nothing after they are earned, but they mean a lot when they get me to push myself just that little bit harder.

    I made a decision to have my suit altered, so I made an appointment for Wednesday afternoon (knowing I need it back by the following Wednesday). I want to look perfect in our wedding pictures, and I do not think that having my belt so tight as to cut off circulation in order for my pants to not fall down is quite the look I am going for… nor the creased beltline of the pants that causes.

    I have done a bit of lollygagging this morning as I tried to get through this article, but it is time for me to publish and get going. My plan for the day is to stay on track! I have a package that I have to ship today, so when I am finished, I will change into my running kit, take the box and walk to the post office (which is actually in the pharmacy), and when I am done there then I will jog for an hour or so. When I get home, I will vow to stay on track. I have a few calls I have to make about the wedding today. After that, I am teaching this evening, but if all goes well, I should still have time for a cigar on the balcony before I teach.

    The weather has turned, and while it is not hard, it looks like I will be jogging in a light rain. I thought briefly about going to the gym instead, but then I remembered that I am a hearty Canadian with the right gear and the right attitude. I will have my meal replacement after my shower, which I know will be a bit late, but will not be the end of the world. In the meantime, I will get out there and I will get my 10,000 steps in… whatever the weather.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 451

    Yesterday was not a good day for my weight loss journey. There is a measurement on my new fitness watch called ‘Body Battery.’ It is metric that measures your current energy level based on several other readings, including your heart rate variability (another new one on this device), stress, activity, sleep, diet, and hydration. The body battery is a score between 0 and 100, and for most of the last couple of weeks, it would be as high as 88 and as low as the mid-40s, usually after a long jog. The highest number recorded yesterday was 26, which was before I set out on my jog. By 12:30, when I came in from my run, it was below 20, and would drop to a 6 by the time I mercifully fell into bed. When I woke up shortly after 7:15am this morning, it was a much more tenable 76. It is no wonder, as it is the first night in a week that the watch recorded my sleep as good, with over 8 hours asleep. My sleep score last night was 88 (Good), compared to the previous night’s 42 (Poor), and 62 (Fair), 44 (Poor), 79 (Fair) the previous nights. My last good night was Monday.

    After recording my webinar (which went much better than anticipated), I set out on my jog. I was less than a kilometre into it when I realized that the Body Battery reading was not a joke. I was a zombie out there and pulled up at the 2km mark – something I have not done in well over a month. I walked another 4km but decided to stop at the supermarket to pick up a chicken to roast and vegetables for a salad. I also cheated with a bag of mini crisps, which I knew was a bad idea. I was not making good decisions. I am also pretty sure that anyone who looked at me yesterday would have seen that I was dead on my feet. After eating my chicken and salad for lunch, I sat on the balcony with a cigar chatting with my wife. I did not get through the whole cigar because I needed to go inside for a nap. I would never have made it through my class had I not slept for an hour first.

    The result on the bathroom scale as of this morning unsurprisingly showed a gain of 3.6 lbs. from yesterday. I ate a big lunch, a big dinner, and the entire bag of mini crisps. I did it because I would not have gotten through the day without them… but I knew I would pay the price today. The small comfort is that I stepped onto the scale twice – the first time immediately when I got out of bed, and the second when I usually do – after my regular morning bathroom rituals, which mercifully included a very productive bowel movement. The difference between the two weigh-ins was nearly two pounds. I was neither happy with nor surprised by the 3.6 lbs. gain… had it been 5.6 lbs. I would have been much less pleased and much more surprised. I will do better today, both with regard to food intake (which will be back to zero, save for my meal replacements), and with my exercise (I will try to jog at least 5km today, and hopefully more). It will take a couple of days to recover the ground that I lost, but 2-3 days of discipline should get that done.

    Despite my poor performance on the road yesterday, I still managed to sneak into the top 17.5% of the 2023 Challenge, also breaking the top 25,000. Considering there are now 143,000 participants registered, I think that is pretty impressive. I have no delusions that I am going to be in the top 5% by the end of the year, but I do not have to be. How the current leaders have recorded 4,500 km walking and running this year is beyond me, and I will never be in that kind of shape again. I don’t even know if I was in that kind of shape when I was in the Army. I know that the person who is ranked 500th has recorded 1,253km so far, just under 12km per day if he walked or jogged every day since January 1. In a side-by-side comparison, I have averaged just over 3km per day in that time. I know that with the exception of a few days, in January and February I was only walking my dog, and although I did start running on February 11, there were still only six days in February when I recorded runs, and only on five of those days did I exceed 6km combined walking and jogging. Compare that to March, a month in which I recorded 20 days over 6km. We are halfway through April, and I have thus far only recorded six days over 6km, but that includes the week when I was in Dallas with a torn-up foot and a work schedule that was not conducive to getting out. The next two weeks that end with my getting married to Leslie on Day 15 (for those of you who are not regular readers, we were married last year in a civil ceremony, but on April 30 we are having a religious service) should allow me to match March’s 20 days. All this to say is that it is unlikely that I will crack the top 1000 on the 2023 Challenge, but if I keep up my current pace, it is not unheard of that I might crack the top 10%. Of course, I love tracking these things, but I am not in competition with anyone but myself. I do not have to beat the Gerald Sinclair who has averaged 12km per day since January 1… I have to beat the Mitch Garvis whose average for January was 1.4km per day, and whose average for February was only slightly better at 2.15km per day, and whose average for March shot up to nearly 6km per day. I have to remember that walking the dog does not count as exercise, even though the steps technically register. I need to be the best me that I can be.

    With my increased body battery (currently at a comfortable 72), I will go for a jog around 11:30am, and then will drive out to Cambridge to spend the afternoon with Ryan et al. I have a few things I need to bring to him, and it will be good to see him anyways. He has been going through some crap at work, and I want to be there for him as a friend. He asked me yesterday when we discussed it if I would join them for dinner (he is making kebabs and salad) and I told him yesterday that I would let him know. This morning I told him that I would come out for cigars, but I would absolutely not be eating with them. Yesterday was a cheat day, and I am not sorry that I did that (although I wish I had not eaten quite as much as I did), but I will not be doing it two days in a row. Tomorrow morning, I will step onto the bathroom scale and my weight will be down from today, even though it will still be up from yesterday. One day off track is understandable, especially with how I was feeling. Two days would be unacceptable, except under very specific circumstances. I am feeling good today, and those circumstances are not present. That means I am staying on track!

    Charlie (Princess Sophie’s friend) just went home, so I will be able to get out for my jog a little earlier than anticipated. I will stay on track today, and hopefully my jog will be a lot more successful than yesterday’s (of which I am not even recording my stats). When I get home, I will shower, then make sure to have a meal replacement before heading out. I will also pack one to take with me, knowing that I will likely be out past when I would normally eat my third one. Leslie is currently on a plane bound for Central America, and I am worried about her. I know that when she lands, she will let me know that she is safe, but I do not like that I cannot be there with her. I suppose this is what I will be focusing on while I jog. I might take a break from my audio books and catch up on some of my favourite podcasts. It has been a couple of weeks since I did that, which means there will be more than enough for me to get through a 90-minute jog (optimism springs eternal) and then my car ride to Cambridge.

    My plans for today are to get back on track, to be mindful and focused, and to shed the day-over-day weight gain from yesterday to be back into best weight ever territory by Monday or Tuesday. Again, optimism. In lieu of eating, I will enjoy a couple of really nice cigars, and I will enjoy the company of a couple of friends. Tomorrow I am likely heading to Hamilton to spend the afternoon with Lyle and Dorothy but let me take one day at a time.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 450

    I did something stupid yesterday. I stopped for peanuts not once, but twice. The first time I stopped, I picked up $1 worth of them after collecting my pendant from the jewelers, who had called earlier in the day to let me know it was repaired. The second time was on my way to Taekwondo. I don’t know why I was still hungry after my third meal replacement of the day (and a handful of peanuts to boot) but I was, and I did not want to find myself lagging at Taekwondo. I picked up another $1.25 worth of peanuts, eating half of them on my way to the school, the remainder on the drive home from the school.

    I did something smart yesterday. Rather than returning home, peanuts forgotten, and preparing my fourth meal replacement of the day, I decided that the peanuts had been my fourth meal replacement of the day. I lit up a cigar on the balcony and called my wife. It was another lovely date inside the dreaded Rectangle Zone. In thirteen days, we will be together again. For now, we do what we have to do.

    When I set out for my jog yesterday, I was hoping for more than I accomplished. In the end, I pulled up after just under 6.25km and walked the rest of the way home. There are just days like that, and I am not disappointed in myself. Since returning from Dallas, I have jogged or walked just under 40km, which discounts my walks with Princess Sophie because I do not start my exercise tracking for those walks. How could I be disappointed by that? I have a webinar that I have to deliver this morning, after which I will hit the road again. I will try for more, but if I can only do 5km then that is 5km more than I was able to do just a few short months ago.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 6.23km (502km)
    • Duration: 47:51 (39:00)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m40s (7m45s)
    • Steps: 7,500 (6,100)
    • Calories burned: 633 (653)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 156 (156)

    My friend came over for a cigar yesterday, and the two of us marveled at our progress. The day that he took my Before Picture I would swear that the two of us together would have tipped the scales at over 850 lbs. We figured out that together we have lost about 300 lbs., and we look and feel so much better for it. He is a good friend, and when he had a mini stroke in November I was truly scared. Yesterday afternoon we sat on the balcony and enjoyed a cigar, talked about life and everything, and realized that with our progress, we would be around to do that for a lot more years.

    Occasionally I will step onto the bathroom scale at night. I do not save the record, but I know that whatever I weigh before bed will be on average two pounds heavier than what I will weigh in the morning. It is not often that the numbers at night are lower than they were that morning, but that was the case last night. At 11:30pm my weight matched my best weight ever from March 31. Imagine, I thought, how I would feel if indeed I dropped a couple of pounds overnight? Well, it was not a full two pounds, but I was 1.6 lbs. lighter this morning than I was yesterday, putting me solidly back into my best weight ever category. It feels amazing knowing that I weigh less than I have in over twenty years! I want to keep it up and continue losing weight until I am where I want to be. It would be easy to say to myself that I have done enough; to be a fifty-year-old man who weighs 250 lbs. at my height… do I really need to fit into my Army uniform? I have lost over 140 lbs.; my wife finds me attractive (and always has) … what am I trying to prove by losing another 50 lbs.? I am not going to say that there have not been times when I have thought that. No, that is not the plan. I am not moving the goalposts and declaring victory. I do not know how much more weight I will lose, but I know that I am not ready to quit. We are a little over 2.5 months from my birthday (which will be Day 533). I have told both Leslie and my friend that unless something goes seriously askew, I will be off the program by then. Will I stop losing weight at that point? I do not know. I only know that I am feeling amazing these days… despite minor aches from jogging.

    I am going to lie down for an hour. I did not sleep well last night, and I want to be at least somewhat awake when it is time to record my webinar. My plan for the rest of the day is to jog, then after my shower I will spend some time on the phone with my beautiful wife. It is another gorgeous day out, and a cigar in the afternoon is not out of the question. This evening I will teach but will take the time during the break to light the Shabbat candles. I will stay mindful and focused, and with that I should be able to stay on track.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 446

    Okay, let’s get back on track. Starting right now, I am on track again. The numbers on the bathroom scale this morning scared me straight, and I am back on the full fast program… at least, for now. I do not know how much longer I will do it, and I might transition to a partial program sometime soon… but I weigh nine pounds more than I did at my best weight ever, and I am going to shed that off in a hurry. Also, I know that in less than three weeks I am getting married to my wife (yes, we are already married, and yes, this is the ceremony we are looking forward to, not just the two of us in the courthouse), so I want to look as good as I can!

    Why, you may ask, did I gain so much weight from yesterday to today? It is easy to chalk it up to air travel, but I am the first to admit that I cheated… a lot. At the airport, I sat down for a meal of a veggie omelet, which is not at all bad. While I am sure they fry it in too much oil, and to make it tastier they add more cheese than necessary, I still know that three eggs at dinnertime was not my downfall. Nor, I should mention, was the remaining half-handful of almonds that I still had in my knapsack from the flight down. It was the bag of chips that I bought at the airport, knowing that the only snacks available to me on the plane would not be kosher for Passover. Also, it was the meal replacement that I had after midnight when I came home, not wanting to go to bed hungry. Two really stupid moves. It was already going to take me at least a few days to get back down to my best weight ever… now I am just that much farther from it. The journey starts now, and it starts with me back on the program, and it continues with me getting out to jog today.

    It is a beautiful day in Burlington, but I miss Leslie already. It is always wonderful when we are together, and so much more difficult each time we are apart. I know that this will change eventually, but not soon enough for us.

    The forecast for today is sunny until 3:00pm, at which point it clouds over. By noon (in an hour) the temperatures should be around 13°, going up to 17° over the following two hours. That should be the sweet spot for my first outdoor jog in a couple of weeks. When I get home, after I shower, I will have my second meal replacement of the day, and then I will probably sit outside on the balcony with a cigar. I am teaching this evening, and tomorrow during the day I have to work on my cybersecurity presentation that I am doing on Friday. I have already created the outline for it, now I just have to fill in all of the slides, and then write a script for it. This should be fun, but as with my last one, it will be a lot of work!

    I am not treating today as another Day 1 on the program; It is simply the day that I return to it from holiday. While I am reasonably sure the meal replacements are not strictly kosher for Passover, they will do me fine, and Hashem will understand. In 2020 I fell off the wagon hard after Yom Kippur. That will not happen this time around. I went over some bumps, but I am righting the ship… starting right now.

    Have a great day folks!