Losing a part of me

Category: Cheating

  • Day 790

    I lost nearly a pound from yesterday, despite some stresses that I will not go into. Yes, I ate more than I should have. I even had a glass of wine with my friend in the evening. Still and all, yesterday was not nearly as bad as the previous day… except for one thing which I will not go into. I am doing my level best to put that stress and anxiety aside until the weekend. I will try to deal with it either Friday evening or Saturday, but I do not want to take it with me to Cuba.

    My weight drop this morning took me back below that abhorrent 280 lbs. mark that I peaked above yesterday. I cannot believe that after all of the work that I did over two years, one terrible, horrible, disastrous occurrence in my life has thus far caused me to gain back forty pounds. I have to get back on track. Ten days in Havana will be the beginning of that; the week that I am back I am going to try to get back onto my extreme program for at least a few days. We’ll see if I can do it. In the meantime, I have to just stop eating so much, and I have to stop making such bad choices. I hope that can stop right now.

    If you are wondering how screwed up I am… I accidentally (and irretrievably) wiped out two hard drives in one of my main systems, which means that when I am back from Cuba, I will have a lot of work to do to recover from. I am trying to start now… but wow, did this screw me up.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 786

    I cheated yesterday. I had a hard emotional evening and went a bit nuts with frozen egg rolls. I did NOT deserve to gain four pounds this morning. Argh!

  • Day 785

    My weight did not go up or down this morning. That is what happens when you cheat and indulge in a couple of rolls after dinner, and then a couple of yogurts later in the evening. Still and all, I am glad that I did not gain weight from it.

    My weight loss buddy sent me pictures from the Mayan Riviera in Mexico last night. I am so happy for her. I am also counting down the days until my next trip… we are into single digits.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 783

    I did not expect to lose weight this morning. I was discouraged last night, and I had not one but two rolls with avocado butter and strawberry jam after I had already eaten my dinner. I was expecting, following the trend of the last few weeks, to actually gain more weight. Fortunately, that was not the case; in fact, my weight gain from yesterday was reversed. No more, but also no less. I can live with that. I am going to try to do better today, starting with not buying more rolls. The next bread that I will buy will be for the Sabbath prayers Friday evening.

    I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to every reader who reaches out to me after a bad day. You really do help tremendously!

  • Day 781

    After the day I had yesterday I was not sure that I would be losing any weight, so when I was down half a pound this morning I was pleased. I did everything wrong yesterday, but I had a great time and helped to raise money for a good cause.

    Today I am back at work. I am teaching this week and next, and I am looking forward to being on a set schedule. I have to run to the store this evening because I have no food in the house, save for a couple of veggie burgers which I will prepare for lunch.

    My current short-term goal is to drop at least five but hopefully ten pounds before my next trip. I have thirteen days in which to do it.

  • Day 779

    I definitely needed more sleep last night than what I got, but I had such a great time and I do not mind that I’ll be tired today. I will take it easy after I come home from taking my son (the younger) for lunch.

    Yes, I gained a very small amount of weight this morning over yesterday. It would not have happened if I had protein bars in the car, but I did not… so as I was leaving Toronto at 1:15am I stopped and bought a bag of chips. Bad Mitch… I’ll survive.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 777

    After a nearly three-pound drop yesterday morning, my weight rebounded by a pound this morning. I knew that I was likely gaining weight, owing mostly to a lot of demands on my schedule that forced me a) to be in the car a lot, b) to eat dinner much later than I would have normally liked. I did not get back from my last appointment until 8:00pm, which meant that I had dinner around 8:30pm. Yes, it was a healthy dinner (fish and rice), but it was still a late one. I also snacked in the car. Before I threw them out (which I did, on the advice of a reader and friend) I enjoyed a couple of handfuls of the snack mix, and I finished the dried mangoes. Also, knowing what my schedule was going to be like, I ate a couple of protein bars in the car. Had I been smart, I would have called the protein bars my dinner, and I would have been fine. No, I ate them, and then the salmon. Dummy.

    I’m still in a pretty good mood today. I don’t have much going on today, but tomorrow will be pretty busy. It is a lovely day outside, and I plan to spend some time on the balcony with a couple of cigars. I took the Princess for a nice walk this morning, and we will go on another one later. Other than that, it’s a day of relaxation.

    Tomorrow early in the day I have to sit down and have a chat with my ex-wife. I have to discuss our sons with her, and I asked to do it away from them. After that I am seeing friends in the evening which should be nice. Saturday I am taking my son the younger for lunch, which I am really looking forward to… for a couple of reasons.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 776

    After four straight days of gains (totaling 6.6 lbs.) it was a relief to see a serious drop on the bathroom scale this morning. I lost 2.8 lbs. from yesterday, which brings me back down below that dreaded 270 lbs. mark. Phew!

    With that said, I was not very good yesterday. I had a chicken shawarma pita for lunch (which is not the worst thing in the world), and two protein bars in the late afternoon. There is a saying about idle hands being the devil’s whatever… I arrived at the area where I was meeting my buddy in the evening 45 minutes early, and I parked in front of a supermarket. I went in to pick up some nuts but came out with dried mangos and a bag of party mix, and indulged both while I waited, and then on the 45-minute drive home. I was kicking myself for this, and because of it was not expecting a good result from the bathroom scale this morning. While luck really has nothing to do with it, I am nonetheless using the phrase ‘I got lucky.’ While I do have to get into my car (where the two bags are waiting for me) today, I will not be opening them.

    I thought I slept pretty well last night, with my fitness watch clocking 8h4m of sleep. With that said, it only gave me a sleep score of 50, citing ‘poor recovery.’ I wonder if I don’t get better sleep when I take a melatonin gummy shortly before bed. I will try that this evening and see what happens. I was back from Toronto yesterday by 10:00pm but did not really get to sleep until midnight. This evening, I only have to drive to Mississauga to pick something up and will most likely head right home. The only plans I should have after 7:30pm are to walk my puppy and to smoke my cigars. Hopefully, with a nice and relaxing day planned, I will be able to get a very good night sleep tonight.

    Once again, I want to thank my readers who reached out to me over the last few days for their caring and support. It meant the world to me when my spirits were low, and I have not forgotten now that my spirits are higher.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 773

    There is a clear rule that I have learned and relearned, and yet I keep faltering on it. When I buy breakfast cereal, I gain weight. I have to remember that it is always bad for me, and that I should never buy it!

    My weight this morning is back to what I weighed the morning I left for Cuba. I have to stop faltering, and I have to learn or relearn that the discipline I once had and seem to have lost these last four months is important to not only my overall health, but also to how I feel about myself, how my clothes fit me, and how I feel when I look at myself in the mirror.

    There will be no more breakfast cereal… and until I am back down another ten pounds, there will be no more bread… and as soon as what I have in the fridge is done, there will be no more yogurts. This week I will start back on the treadmill, although on the nicer days I might even venture outside for my exercise. I find it is easier to push myself to go farther and harder when I walk X kilometres out, and then I have to walk home. When I am on the treadmill I can just stop at any point, and I am immediately home. Yes, I will try to walk outside this week. I have the gear, so why not?

    I have to start reminding myself of something. Every morning, I have to remember to remind myself that What she did to me ended us… but I can and I must and I will go on without her.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 772

    I have not been doing well trying to stay on track. Between the lack of exercise and my inability to stay on the right path with foods (coupled with my illnesses), the past week has not been a good one for my diet. As of this morning I have gained back four of the five pounds that I lost when I was in Cuba. I have to resolve to do better. That should start with today.