Leslie and I are officially licensed to get married. Unfortunately Monday is a federal holiday, so we have to try to do it Tuesday. Good things come to those who wait!
For breakfast I had an impossible sausage sandwich from Starbucks, and lunch was dim sum (all chicken). So tasty!!
There are moments of anxiety mixed in with the excitement, knowing that in a couple of days I am flying to Dallas to be with my fiancée. The last time I tried to enter into the United States, I was denied entry. I do not think this will be a concern on Thursday, although I do suspect that I will be taken into the office for extended questioning. Fortunately, as my motives are pure and true, I am almost certain there will not be a problem.
Now if only I could tell that to my emotional brain, which has fleeting moments of real anxiety over it. The levels are not debilitating; it is more like how I felt before embarking on a mission in the Army. You planned for everything; you just need to get through it. Okay, at least with this, there is no chance of anyone dying.
I am back to eating peanuts, and I have to stop that. I think it is part of my anxiety, which means that in a couple of days, I’ll be off the peanuts
On my second screen, I am watching the video of my Black Belt test, twelve years ago this week. It is amazing that it has been so long. It is amazing to look back and see how many things I would correct… and to know how many things I would have to correct to get back to that form today. I need to get back into a dojang, but first I have to figure out where I am going to be.
I woke up really early today – 6am – and did my regular morning bathroom routine. I hardly slept five hours at that point… I had gone to bed at a reasonable hour but had trouble getting to sleep. Fortunately, when I got out of the bathroom, Princess Sophie was not gung-ho to go out, and I went back to sleep… for another three blissful hours! I cannot remember the last time I woke up at 10:00am when jetlag was not involved. Fortunately, I had nothing on my calendar for the morning, and all went fine.
Despite the earlier predictions of rain, the forecast for today and tomorrow is sunny and clear, so I might get a round of golf in tomorrow. Today I am going to relax around the house, maybe do some writing.
Have a great day folks!
I lost my cool yesterday and wish I could go back in time to change that. I am honestly not sure though if I should have walked away or punched the guy. Folks, here’s a suggestion: Never tell a Jewish person a joke about Hitler not being a bad guy and the gassing of Jews was a misunderstanding. It is a sure way to get you on someone’s shit list. He will not get another chance with me.
I was at Ryan’s longer than I had expected so I ate with them… a large salad and some chicken tenders. I should have come home to eat, but that’s life. As for my weight this morning, depending on the measure it was either even with yesterday or down two pounds. I deleted those and stayed even. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.
I am taking my sons for breakfast shortly, which means that most of my morning coffee will be lousy. That’s life. When I come home (and they go home) I will brew a fresh pot to enjoy. The weather forecast is grim until 4pm, at which point it dries up a little. Tomorrow is the only sunny day on the forecast until I fly to Dallas, so I will try to golf.
I miss my Leslie. I know she misses me. We are down to the short strokes now, but there are still four days until my love is in my arms.
Have a great day folks!
I was convinced that today’s weight would be bad. I cheated yesterday with peanuts (although a reasonable amount), and some very dark chocolate, which has been in the house for months. With that said, I did not have my evening meal replacement, so it must have balanced out. I lost 1.6 lbs from yesterday. Remember yesterday? When I complained that what weight was gained in a day might take a week to lose? Well, I am happy to be redeemed on that front. I will cross my fingers that I stay on track.
Yesterday morning I booked my Covid-19 test for my flight to see Leslie. An hour later, the USA announced that they would no longer require pre-departure testing effective Sunday, which means that I will not need the test. I am hoping that I will receive my refund (which, after a lot of searching, I discovered how to request). If I do not, I will still save the two hours that would have been required to sit in traffic getting there Wednesday afternoon. Yay.
After a reasonable lunch, I am planning to head to see Ryan and enjoy a cigar or two. With gas prices being what they are, I might not have rushed to drive out there… but I left my hat there, and I definitely want to take it with me to Dallas, and so I have to pick it up. Princess Sophie likes the people out there as well, so it will be a nice change from sitting on my own patio smoking cigars.
Before that, however, I will have to go do some shopping. I am completely out of every vegetable save onions and carrots, and if I want a salad with lunch, I gotta head to the supermarket. If my back was not bothering me, I might consider walking. As it is, no… my back has been tight for weeks now, and Leslie has been urging me to get a massage. I finally booked one, but it is for Monday. At least it will be in time for my flight!
I am thinking that I might do something different with my chicken than I usually do. So often I simply spice it before throwing it into the air fryer. Today I might add the mango lime salsa to it, just to shake it up a bit. Yesterday I almost added salsa to my salmon, but instead I opted to prepare my Buffalo sauce. It is tasty and not terribly unhealthy, but it does have a lot of sugar in it. Other than that, I would be making Buffalo chicken for sure!
I had a great chat with Leslie yesterday evening, and I did not want it to end. It is hard to believe that in five and a half days, we will be together again. It feels like forever, but it will pass and Thursday evening we will be together!
The weather is currently gorgeous and sunny, but by 2pm there is an 80% chance of rain. Okay, I suppose the farmers need it. As I am not a farmer, I suppose it is just one more thing I’ll have to deal with. Dress appropriate and don’t roll the windows down in the car!
Have a great day folks. I’m off to the supermarket.
I mentioned earlier that I was at a friend’s birthday party over the weekend, and it was a lovely day… that was marred by my friend trying to get me to eat something that I should not eat. In this particular case, he was telling me how good the blood sausage was. I told him that as a practicing Jew, I cannot eat it because it is not kosher. My friend, who was born Jewish but has never practiced the religion, told me something like ‘I know… but today it’s okay to eat it.’ I was truly offended. My friend knew me before I started observing many of the dietary laws of my faith, so I suppose he knows that I would like it.
It is amazing that thirty-three years after I graduated high school, I am still subject to peer pressure… and this, from an 82-year-old man.
My relationship with G-d is nobody else’s business, and it is my responsibility alone to eat or to not eat in accordance with my faith. My friend did not hold me down and force non-kosher food into my mouth. I had to make the decision on my own… and I made the correct decision.
Where I made the wrong decision was when the deserts came out, and I was handed a piece of birthday cake. Again, as someone on a diet, it is up to me to eat or to not eat what I should or should not be eating.
Where that argument starts to weaken is when people try to tell you ‘Oh, you can diet tomorrow!’ or ‘Just take a break… one piece of cake won’t kill you!’ The (ironically phrased) icing on the cake is ‘Oh you are doing so well! Just have this, it is so good!’
Let’s put this into context by replacing some of the words:
‘Mitch, you are a heroin addict, but you have done so well kicking the habit… one shot won’t kill you!? Just have this, it is so good!’
Do you see where I am going with this? Food is an addiction and getting off the foods that are so terrible for us – and not just for a day, but for the long term – is extremely difficult, and requires a discipline that many people just do not have. I have been overweight for nearly as long as I have been out of the Army and kicking those terrible habits that I learned for so many years (from people who I thought loved me) is the hardest thing I have ever done. How hard? I have done it twice… and each time I ended up back where I was and am not on my third attempt.
What is worse is that so many of the people who encourage you to take a day off from your diet are the same ones who told you that you needed to lose weight (or more often made fun of you behind your back). They are often the same people who tell you how great you are looking, and that you should keep it up. They are too often the people who claim to be your greatest advocates for success.
By the way, some of these people are not actually trying to sabotage your diet… although that is exactly the result. Many of them think that after so many weeks or months of work that you actually deserve that piece of cake, bowl of ice cream, whatever. They do not know what temptations you were exposed to or succumbed to yesterday because they were not there. They do not know what will happen tomorrow because they will not be there. They assume that you can be on a diet 100% of the time… when you are not with them, but when you are with them you should enjoy the same foods that caused you to need to diet in the first place.
In the end I did not touch the blood sausage, and my religious dietary discipline was maintained. However, the negative advice from my friend consumed my mind, and when it came time for birthday cake, I was not paying attention to the fact that I was doing so well on my diet; I ate the cake and a couple of pastries. While I am always responsible for what I put into my mouth, I was driven to distraction by the negative encouragement. Yes, it is on me… but my friend can claim an assist.
Let me be clear, and this applies to both religion and to weight management: You can either be my advocate and ally one hundred percent of the time, or you can kindly shut up and keep your critiques and opinions to yourself. Do you remember how well you said I was doing? I did all of that without your advice and I am certainly not going to follow any advice to stop doing well. Some would say that your negative encouragement is counter intuitive. I say it is stupid and offensive, and I don’t want to hear it. Take your ‘advice’ to cheat just this once and shove it up your ass.
I fell off the wagon yesterday… hard. Eduardo’s birthday barbecue was a great family affair, and I saw a lot of people I have not seen in years. My friend – and he truly is a friend – tried to convince me to eat blood sausage, which is not kosher for many reasons. It stuck in my craw that my friend who was born Jewish and who at the age of 76 I helped to get bar mitzvah’d would try to get me to eat that. I told him ‘Sorry, I can’t eat that.’ He replied, ‘No of course not… but today you can!’ I was truly hurt. I know he did not mean to hurt me, but that did not change the fact that I spent so much time on it. I focused on that, instead of eating properly. I had some cheese, which I doubt will do me much harm. After a reasonable wait, I had chicken and salad for lunch, which is not harmful. Then the birthday cake was served, and I fell right off. Not only did I have a piece of red velvet cake, I also had a couple of treats from the pastry tray.
For dinner I had a piece of salmon with a side salad, and a huge helping of guilt. I then had four pieces of dried mango, which I wish I had not found the other day. At least I did not have a meal replacement in the evening on top of that.
The bathroom scale scolded me gently this morning. I truly thought it would be worse, but I was only up .4 lbs. I was going to say that I hope and pray that I can stay on track today… but hope is not a strategy. I know that I have to go grocery shopping today – I am nearly out of milk, and I have only one head of lettuce left. I know I have enough chicken and fish for a while, as well as canned salmon and canned tuna. That means my trip to the supermarket can be reasonably brief. I am out of pumpkin seeds, so I will go to Bulk Barn… but I will not be buying any peanuts. What I might buy is the chocolate covered marshmallows that both Leslie and her son love. While he is already really excited to meet me, I told Leslie yesterday that I have no qualms about bribing him and buying his affection.
I have taken chicken out of the fridge to defrost, and I will try to be as true to my plan as possible today. I feel terrible about how I fell off the wagon yesterday, and I need to get back on track. If I don’t… well, then I will always be a fat fuck.
I have a few errands to do today, some of which are online, others I have to go out. Other than that, I plan to relax. My foot is bothering me, but it is not a gout issue – I think I had something stuck in my shoe between my foot and the heel, and there is a bit of a bruise there. I’ll wait a day or two before venturing out to exercise.
Have a great day folks!
This morning I stepped out of the shower, I shaved, and then I went to the bathroom scale. Knowing that yesterday morning I had lost over a pound and a half, I was not expecting anything of significance today. I was not only pleasantly surprised, but also thrilled to be at a new low on this diet! With the 1.2 lbs drop from yesterday, I finally dropped below the lowest weight that I had achieved a week ago. With any luck, this downward trend can continue for the next couple of weeks (until I fly to Dallas to see my baby).
I confess that I did cheat yesterday. I ate 100g of peanuts from Bulk Barn. I did not do so out of weakness, rather out of necessity. I left the house without a meal replacement and did not think I would make it through an entire round of golf without something. Yes, that is a ridiculous 564 calories… with 7g of saturated fat. It is also 25g of protein and 7g of dietary fibre. It gave me the energy to get through the round of golf.
Speaking of golf… even though I did not play very well, I can say that the peanuts helped because I improved over the last six holes. On Monday, when I had not eaten anything past my morning shake, I was really dragging the last few holes, and just wanted it to be over so I could go home to eat. I played a course called King’s Forest, which is a very challenging course. Also, because of who I was playing with, I played from the white tees, which is something I have not done in a couple of years. Still and all, I shot a 103… a terrible score for me. Mike and I were talking about it, and it is true… golf is a game that if you do not play often, you cannot play well. This was my second game after a ten-month hiatus, and I cannot possibly expect to be shooting in the 80s like I was a year ago… when I played five rounds most weeks.
My new dual-zone air fryer arrived yesterday, and I made dinner in it. On the left side I prepared my regular chicken. Once that was cooking (for 25 minutes), I prepared (for the first time in the air fryer) roasted vegetables. I chopped up some cauliflower, carrots, and onions. I drizzled them with sesame oil, and then sprinkled a vegetable seasoning on them. I mixed them up, and then popped them into the right side of the air fryer. It was convenient to have both sides available to me, and while the individual baskets are smaller than I am used to working with, they were both more than sufficient for what I was preparing. I expect I will be very happy with this new appliance… much more than I was with the other air fryer, which I did drop off yesterday as I planned.
I have to do some shopping today. I have no lettuce in the house, no balsamic vinegar, and I am almost out of olive oil. I have extended an invitation to my son the elder, and if he accepts then I will go to Costco. If not, then I will just go to Fortinos. I also have to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy, which is in the same building as my doctor’s office. Okay, the idea to try that pharmacy rather than the one near me was convenient at the time (because I was in the building already) … but for renewing prescriptions I have to go a bit out of my way to pick them up. To be fair, it is probably still easier than the place near me, because for them I would have had to drive there, drop off the prescription, and then either wait around for 45 minutes or come back later to pick it up. On second thought, I guess I don’t mind driving to Oakville today.
Good news! My son the elder just responded that he eagerly wants to go to Costco with me. I am thrilled that I will be able to spend a couple of hours with him. We haven’t spoken since last week when he told me some very important information, and I am relieved that I can spend some stress-free time with him… or at least as stress-free as any trip to Costco can ever be.
It’s a beautiful day outside, and while there is a 50% chance of rain between 2-3pm, the rest of the day is either sunny or partly cloudy. I’ll take it!
Have a great day folks!
Yes, I cheated yesterday. In the evening I had a bag of popcorn and an extra meal replacement bar. I do not know why I was so hungry, but I was. I will do better today. The result is a very slight gain from yesterday. Today I will do better.
I realized last night that I was out of balsamic vinegar so I will have to stop in at the supermarket. I also have an appointment to have a 3D image of my mouth taken as the preliminary step to getting a dental implant. Not an issue for now, but when it does come time to get the implant, I will have to be off cigars for something like three months. I am not looking forward to that. If I am still in Canada, then I will have the implant done in December, so that I will miss the worst of the winter months. What will happen if I am in Dallas by then? Well, I will have to figure that out. Time will tell.
While I have no other plans for today, I have a golf game scheduled for tomorrow at a reasonable hour, and another for Saturday at a completely unreasonable hour. Really, Ryan… who thought that 7:21am was a good time to tee off, knowing that a) I have to take HRF out for her walk, and b) the course is an hour’s drive from my place? Gee, thanks!
Have a great day folks!
Yes, I had popcorn at the movie theatre yesterday, with a large Coke Zero. Yes, I know that I should avoid treats like movie theatre popcorn at all costs. Yes, I know that aside from the 600 calories, it contains 31g of fats and 67g of carbohydrates. I made the conscious decision, knowing all of that, and knowing that it also has 10g of protein, and I used it as a meal replacement. I did not add butter, only some of the salt and vinegar flavouring that they give you… which probably added a million grams of sodium to my cheat, but very little else.
Despite the popcorn, the bathroom scale was still better than yesterday. I did not lose tremendously, but I lost .4lb, which is better than staying where I was… or gaining.
I have a tee time booked for this morning! As soon as I finish this entry, I am heading to the Tyendaga Golf Course to play my first round of golf in ten months. I am really excited… although I do not expect to do very well. I do not want my first round with Mike to be the first time I swing a club in a year. Wish me luck!
I should also mention that Environment Canada has issued its first heat warning of the year. We are looking at a high of 29°c… which to put into perspective for my American friends is just under 85°f. Yes, Canada can be pretty wimpy when it comes to weather. I know I will be sweating out there, but I don’t mind. All I want is to enjoy myself… and to not embarrass myself too badly on the course.
When I come home, I will prepare chicken for dinner, with a side of steamed vegetables. It should be a lovely meal… and yes, a perfectly predictable one, as I eat that nearly every day!
Have a great day folks!
I was terrible yesterday, and the numbers on the scale reflected it. Normally, when I go to Ryan’s house for cigars, I can withstand the temptations. For some reason, yesterday was an exception. I had nuts; I stayed for dinner (hamburger patties, not terrible); I had cookies for dessert (terrible). I even had one (yes, only one) gummy worm… which in contrast to the cookies, which do have some nutritional benefit, has absolutely none. As I walked into the apartment last night, I felt the shame and disappointment that I failed… but would do better tomorrow. I will.
There are reasons I will not go into why I was down. I was not depressed nor disappointed by news that I received Friday, but I would lie if I said I was not distracted by it. It was the distractions that caused me to veer.
As a former soldier and hopefully a good friend to some, I know the importance of keeping confidences. There are things that people have shared with me that I will not share with others. Just as I do not like having my confidences betrayed, I try to not betray that of others. Where this complicates issues is that there are times when someone shares something with me that I could really benefit from the advice and input of others… but I am not really allowed to seek it. On the other hand, there are people who I would trust with my life, so if I discuss someone’s confidence with Leslie, for example, I know that the secret is safe… but it does not make me feel less guilty for sharing.
Speaking of Leslie, she went to the beauty salon yesterday, and OH MY G-D does she look gorgeous! Combine her hair do with the makeup she did when she got home… yes, she is MINE, and I will never forget how lucky I am to be able to say that. She shared with me an interesting quotation yesterday. It was something like this: “When you get the woman that everyone wants, never forget that she is still the woman that everyone wants.” I have to remember to treat her like a queen every day… to treat her like I know how wonderful she is… because I do.
My plans for today include trying to do better on my diet, but they might also involve going to see a movie. My fiancée does not like Tom Cruise, so I am free to see the new Top Gun movie on my own… I might just catch the early showing. After that? I will likely sit on the balcony with a cigar or three.
Oh, and how happy am I? I have my first golf game of the year booked for Thursday! A cigar buddy and I have an 11:40am tee time, and I am thrilled. So that I do not go out there and look stupid, I might just go to a driving range either today or tomorrow… and who knows? Once my golf clubs are in the trunk, I might just book another round or two
Have a great day folks!
