Losing a part of me

Category: Clothes

  • Day 585

    I was surprised that I was able to cross off another number on the fridge this morning. That makes three numbers in four days, and the seventh day straight that my weight has dropped. I once again feel bad for Leslie who was not happy with the number she saw on the scale yesterday morning, even though she is working so much harder at the program than I am. I also owe her a big thank you, and I told her about it yesterday when we were chatting as she waited for her much-delayed flight.

    We left the apartment at 11:00am to drive to Cambridge to see Ryan (and his sister) and smoke cigars. It was a lovely afternoon, except I made a mistake. I left the house without taking meal replacements with me. I had eaten my usual omelette in the morning but that was all. Leslie offered to share one of her remaining American meal replacements with me, which we shared at around 1:00pm. We left Cambridge around 4:30pm which would have me dropping her at the airport by around 5:30pm, so without any traffic I would be getting home by 6:15pm or so.

    I was not going to make it. I was hungry and I was not going to be able to make it until 6:15pm. As we sat in traffic on the Trans Canada Highway, I was thinking to myself that I could drop her off art the airport and then look for a convenience store to buy a bag of peanuts. Leslie would be at the airport, and she wouldn’t need to know. She was gone, and so was her scrutiny which had kept me honest during her visit. I started to salivate as I anticipated with gusto the snack I would be enjoying within a short half-hour!

    We were probably fifteen minutes out from the airport when she turned to me and said, ‘Okay… so what are you not going to do tonight?’ Without hesitation I replied ‘Cheat! I will not cheat!’ That was the answer she was looking for. Satisfied, we spent the rest of the car ride basking in our last few minutes of togetherness before she would walk into the terminal.

    Princess Sophie and I drove straight home making no stops along the way. As soon as we got into the apartment, I prepared my meal replacement. I then texted her to let her know that I owed it to her that I did not fall off the program… even if for a minute. I also told her that I do not know what will happen today or tomorrow… but my success on Sunday I owed entirely to her – first for sharing her meal replacements with me, and then for inspiring me to not cheat in the evening. For as many times as I have credited her support and encouragement for my success, this was one more time that it was a specific incident rather than a general helping.

    Over the last couple of days we also discussed my wardrobe, and I made an appointment with the Hong Kong tailor who will be in Hamilton for two days in September – the day I fly back from California, and the next day. Leslie suggested colours for shirts – navy blue, green, and purple. I am surprised she says I look good in green but that is likely because after the Army I spent so much effort avoiding that colour that I started thinking it was just because I did not look good in it. I trust my wife’s sense of fashion and style better than my own, so I will look for something green! I hope that I can be at my lowest weight ever by then (it is precisely thirty days from today), even though I will just be back from spending a week in California where I will try to eat well, but I will not be sticking to the program.

    With regard to my progress: I am now four pounds from my best weight ever, and as that number shrinks so too does the number of days when I weighed less. My spreadsheet shows thirteen days when my weight was lower than this morning’s; with the exception of a single day in April, all of those were between May 20 and May 31. It took me eight days to drop from 256.2 (what I weighed on May 19) down to 250 lbs…. and then just five days for my weight to jump back to 254.6 lbs… my weight on June 1. My plan is to not fall off this time, and to lose as much as I can between now and October.

    There is nothing particular about October 1… other than it is the beginning of a month. With that said, now that I might be back on track, it is not a bad time to try to set some new short-term goals.

    • This week: Stay on track! I am seeing my doctor on Thursday, and I would love to see my best ever medical weigh-in. I could, in theory, stay put where I am now and achieve that… as long as I stripped naked and stepped onto her scale the same way I do my own every morning. To be safe, I would love to continue with my current pace of .8 lb. per day, but assuming that unrealistic I would be thrilled if I could lose another 1-2 lbs. in these next few days.
    • Within the next ten days (that is, by September 7) I would like to drop below 250 lbs. for the first time in my post-Army life.
    • If I can maintain a weight-loss pace of 3.5 lbs. per week (or .5 lb. per day) between now and Rosh Hashana (the evening of September 15) then I would weigh just under 245 lbs. by then!
    • Maintaining that pace, the day I pick my wife up from Los Angeles International Airport I would weigh 242 lbs.!
    • Even if my pace were to abate somewhat, at a .3 lb. per day average drop (2.1 lbs. per week) then I would still weigh 246.8 lbs. when I pick Leslie up at the airport on the 20th. Even that would be a success!
    • Knowing that the week in California will be a difficult one to stay on track, I am nevertheless hoping that my weight the morning of September 27 – that is, the day of my appointment with the tailors – I should weigh between 245-250 lbs., which would be as much as a twenty-seven pound loss from my last visit at the beginning of March.

    How can I achieve these short-term weight loss goals? It is simple, but not easy. I just have to stay on track and not veer from the path.

    Sometimes it is fun to dream, imagining what I could achieve if I never veered from the program. I plugged some numbers into my spreadsheet to see when I would drop to 220 lbs. losing an average of .3, .4, and .5 lb. per day. At .3 lb. per day I would weigh 219.8 on December 20. At .4 lb. per day I would weigh 220.0 on November 21. At .5 lb. per day I would weigh 220 lbs. on November 4. All it would take is dedication without faltering, and no matter which way it goes by the end of this calendar year I would be a very reasonable 220 lbs. Not a bad dream, huh? How about we try to get through the next week or two without faltering… then we can look past that.

    I have a lot of studying to do this week so most of the days I will spend either watching videos of classes or else reading. If the weather forecast for the week holds up, then a lot of that studying will be done on the balcony. It would not bother me one bit if I could smoke a couple of cigars while advancing my mind… all the while preparing for a few exams I have to take and then a couple of classes I need to be ready to teach. It should all be good fun!

    My plan is to do just that… stay on track, studying on the balcony and smoking my cigars, preparing my meal replacements as needed (and properly timed). Tomorrow, I have to go out as I have a haircut scheduled, but there is no reason for me to leave the apartment today except for taking Her Floofness for a walk. I was able to stay on track yesterday, so there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to do so again today. If I can stay on track today, then there is no reason why I cannot stay on track tomorrow. That is how I have to continue to think.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 582

    I have no idea why my first reaction when seeing a 1.2 lb. drop on the bathroom scale this morning was disappointment. It allowed me to not only re-cross and re-date my tracker on the fridge and is a great single-day drop. I suppose is a psychological issue that I should be trying to deal with. Woohoo!

    As I had hoped (and written about) I have dropped below 258 lbs., which does make me happy. I am still seven pounds from my best weight ever, but I am definitely going in the right direction. I will get there for sure.

    I received in the mail today the bi-yearly advert from my Hong Kong tailors. I am currently only fifteen pounds lower than I was when I was measured for my last shirts and suits, and they are still fitting pretty nicely. With that said, the older shirts that I had made in 2017 are very loose (especially the neck) and I am seriously thinking of getting a few more made. We will see.

    It’s been a long week but a good one. I am thrilled that Leslie is here. The class that I was auditing is now over and I have a couple of hours before I start to teach. In six hours my weekend with my wife begins.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 516

    Another day, another expected weight gain, another noticeable drop. Yesterday I had toast with nut butter and farm-fresh Niagara jam for breakfast, then the leftover baked potato dish that Leslie had prepared the previous evening. I had some mini crisps as a snack to tide me over, but I did not have too many. For dinner I prepared a meal of portobello mushrooms in a lovely marinade that Leslie found on the Internet, with a side of rice. The recipe calls for grilling the mushrooms, but I fried them because I cannot easily grill with the facilities available to me. For dessert we were opulent, and that is from where I expected the weight gain. We opened the pint of ice cream that we had purchased and shared some. Neither of us went overboard, but that did not prevent my thinking that I likely would be gaining weight. In fact the bathroom scale showed a one pound drop from the day before, which was a nice surprise.

    Yesterday did not go as planned. I spent a lot more time dealing with some of the issues I wanted to resolve, and when it was all said and done, I decided to spend more time relaxing rather than jogging. I am going to try to get out there today. I know I will not be breaking any records, but if I can at least make an effort to lace up my shoes and take the first steps then I can start getting back into it… rather than just saying I need to get back into it.

    I made a number of realizations recently. There are several embarrassing effects of morbid obesity that I kept hidden away as much as I could. At my largest I would have issues with streaks staining my underwear… and if I was not careful then occasionally a bed or chair. It has been over a year since I have had these issues, and I am relieved. If there were no other reason to not gain the weight back, then it would be the shame of a grown man soiling his pants. I do not know if I have ever written about that problem – it was just too embarrassing. Now that it is behind me, I can admit that it was something that happened to me… but it is a thing of the past.

    The second realization that I came to is that minor weight variations have a stark effect on the way clothes fit… or do not. When I was much larger most of my clothes were XXXL. Now that I am smaller, I am mostly wearing clothes that are measured. When I gain a couple of pounds, I can feel that they are tighter, and when I lose a couple of pounds, I feel that they hang looser. I put a shirt on yesterday afternoon that was tighter than I remember it being a couple of months ago when I purchased it, and I decided to change out of it. When I lose another five pounds or so it should fit much better.

    Lastly, I realized that I was able to snack in moderation. I ate ten of the mini crisps and then closed the bag. I did not count them out or put them on a plate, I just ate them from the bag… and then closed the bag. For dessert I had a reasonable amount of ice cream, and then I put it away. It was not that long ago when I would never have a half-eaten bag of mini crisps, or a pint of ice cream that was less than half-eaten in the house. I ate some, was satisfied, and was able to put them away. That is mindfulness, and that is progress!

    I am going to do some studying today and try to get a bit closer to my next certification. For lunch I am preparing salmon sandwiches, but we have not discussed what to do for dinner. I will look through the freezer and pantry to see if there is anything tantalizing, but I suspect I will need to pay a visit to the supermarket. I know I have chicken in the freezer, but as often as I can eat chicken, I know Leslie prefers mixing it up. Maybe I’ll buy a nice piece of fish. We’ll see. I am teaching this evening so it will have to be an early dinner… or a late one. We will decide when the time is right.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 505

    I am really not impressed with the numbers on the bathroom scale this morning. My weight has crept up all week, but this morning it shot up by another 2 lbs. which is really starting to upset me. I have been eating breakfast cereal these last few days (which has really helped me with my bowel movements), and that is the only significant change. I am going to cut it out as of this weekend and do my best to get back on track. I know that when I am on the plateaus I will go up a bit, especially when I am not exercising… but I have to find a way for it to not go up this badly. I am still healthy, feeling good, and looking just as good in my clothes as I was a month ago (I think), but the numbers are bothering me.

    As I expected, this morning is a relatively easy one. My students are taking their exam. After they are all done, we will spend some time reviewing it, after which time the students who did not pass will be allowed to retake it. I am giving the rest of them the opportunity to work on labs, as well as practice exams… there is a huge difference between the assessments written by the training centre and the certification exams they will have to take for industry accreditation. We will review some of those questions as well, after which the class will be finished at 1:00pm. I will have lunch, and then at 2:00pm Eduardo is coming over for computer help and a cigar. I expect the first part will only take a few minutes, and the second will take most of our afternoon. I am going to the supermarket to pick up a challah roll for this evening. Leslie and I will be together for the next two Sabbaths, but tonight we are on video chat for one more candle lighting. It is amazing to think that she will be here in two days. I can hardly wait!

    I slept well last night for the first time in almost a week. I suspect it had to do with the clean sheets and tightly made bed. I will pay closer attention to that going forward. I know how important it is to my weight loss, as well as to my overall physical and mental well-being, to get a good night’s sleep. If clean sheets is the answer, then I will not hesitate to change them weekly if needed.

    The spring weather reminded me this morning that summer is not quite upon us yet… and that we are in Canada. Princess Sophie did not seem to mind the light drizzle as we walked this morning, but it was there. The forecast calls for rain all morning, followed by a cloudy afternoon and evening. It should be comfortable cigar smoking weather indeed.

    One more thing that I intend to do today, while I am already going to the supermarket, is to take some of my shirts to the dry cleaners. I am certainly saving a lot of money by wearing undershirts and hanging them neatly immediately after I take them off, but that does not mean that they never need to be cleaned. I suspect I will not have them back until Wednesday, so I will not take them all in. Even with that, knowing my schedule for next week I will have to pick them up before class starts. I do not like to schedule errands for the morning, but there it is.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 486

    “I know that the scale giveth, and the scale taketh away.” I wrote this quote in the last paragraph of yesterday’s journal entry, knowing full well that after the tremendous weight loss of the last few days, even if I stuck to my program there was a good chance that my weight would not drop more this morning. While it did not drop like it had the previous few days, I was still down. That means that I am, once again, in best weight ever territory!

    Yesterday was not an easy day to be successful. Indeed, it was a struggle, but I made it through. I think if I look back on my previous jumps from partial program (or falling off the wagon completely for a few days) back onto the full-fast program, the third day has always been difficult. True to my plans, I went out for a jog/walk around 1:30pm after my second meal replacement of the day. When I returned home I showered and relaxed a little. While my plan was to have a cigar on the balcony, I was starting even then to realize just how tired and worn down I was. I decided to have my third meal replacement, and then lie down to try to take a nap. I am not sure if I slept, but I rested for an hour or so before Her Royal Floofness told me she wanted to go out for a walk. It was a longer than usual walk for a late afternoon, but I was happy to accommodate her. I told Leslie that I was exhausted and would be going to bed and to sleep early. We spoke for a while as I enjoyed my final meal replacement, and I was asleep by about 9:45pm. Yes, this old man was asleep before 10pm on a Saturday night. My younger self would be pointing and laughing at me.

    My early night to bed paid off. My Sleep Score was 81. Could it have been better? Yes… but it has not been better in a long time, and I will take it!

    I had a huge non-scale victory yesterday! I went to put on my jeans and was again miffed by how loose they were. Remember a month or so ago, when I noticed that my Size-38 jeans were loose and I tried to fit into my Size-36 jeans… only to realize that they were still way too tight? Well, I tried again… and they fit! To be clear, I did not go through every pair until one of them fit; I grabbed the first pair of Levi 501s off the top. They are tight, but they button to the top without too much effort. Hooray!! Sometime today I will probably go through the rest of the bin and see if the others fit, and I will do a bit of rotation in my armoire. I doubt they will all fit, but we are getting there. I predict that sometime in the not-too-distant future I will no longer have any bins labeled ‘clothes that don’t fit me yet.’ Sometime after that, I predict that I will need to start shopping for clothes again!

    I have been giving thought to how to approach the coming week. My calendar is packed during my usual waking hours. Tomorrow morning I start teaching a daytime class (which, unlike my last class, is 8-hours per day). In the evening tomorrow I have my Cigar Sommelier class, then Tuesday through Thursday I am teaching in the evening. Fortunately my daytime class is in the central time zone, which means that the 9-5 class is actually 10-6 where I am. I have set my alarm for each morning this week to go off at 5:55am. It is my hope that I am able to get out of bed, finish my usual morning bathroom routine by 6:45am, then take Her Floofness out for her walk. I should be home from that by 7:30am, at which point I will go out for my jog/walk. My last few outings have been between 80-90 minutes, so I would be home by 9:00am. I can then shower, get dressed, and prepare my coffee and morning meal replacement, say my morning prayers, and be ready at my computer by 9:30am… exactly the thirty minutes prior to class that I am asked to be in class. I will try to do this for at least three days of the week… and I will see how well I am able to do. I am not usually a morning person and getting up and at ‘em that early has not traditionally been my thing. At least, not in the 27 years since I finished active duty.

    Of course, this means that I will be trying to go to bed earlier than I usually do. My evening classes finish by 9:30pm, and I will immediately get ready for bed and jump into the rectangle with my wife. If I am able to keep this up, there will be no cigars for me until Friday… or at least, from Tuesday through Thursday, as my evening class on Monday is in fact my cigar class, which I am going to try to join from the balcony so that I can smoke during the class.

    Tuesday morning will not be a jogging morning, one way or another. I have to get my bloodwork done one day this week (in advance of my appointment next week with my doctor), and so I put it onto my calendar for Tuesday morning. Of I cannot get there Tuesday, then it will change to Wednesday… but that has to be done, one way or another.

    My plans for today are simple. In a few minutes, I am meeting with my diet buddy. She is unable to meet face to face today, so it will be a Facetime call. No problem. After that, I will suit up and go out for my jog. After a good night of sleep, my Body Battery was charged up to 79/100 when I woke up, but somehow has dropped in these last three hours to 66. No matter, that is still good enough to get a really good Sunday jog in. It is a sunny day and warm but not hot, and I am going to see if I can jog a full 10km today. After that, I will come home to shower and enjoy my second meal replacement. In the afternoon I am going to visit with my buddy Lyle and his wife, which should be a nice time. I have not seen them since before I flew off to Dallas last, and it will be nice to catch up. In the evening I will come home and relax and test some new technology – I ordered an electronic picture frame to hang in my apartment, and I want to hang it and load it up with pictures from the wedding. After that, I plan to relax on the balcony, and when her son is asleep I will chat with my wife for a few minutes before hitting the sack.

    There are a couple of temptations that I need to avoid today. I have too often stopped in at Bulk Barn to pick up a handful of peanuts on my way to or from (or both) Lyle’s house. I have to stay mindful and make sure that today can truly be my fourth straight day of sticking to my program. I am now three pounds from a very major milestone, and I do not want to dilly-dally on my way there. It is possible that one or two days this coming week I will not lose weight or even possibly gain weight… but that goes back to the scale giving and taking away. My goal is to make sure that if it does happen that it is not because I cheated. I will stay mindful. I will stay focused. I will achieve my goals.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 459

    My clothes are in Canada. For the last few days (since I got the initial notification from the tailor on Wednesday) I have been tracking the progress of my custom clothes which I am really excited for. From the first notification from the shipping company, the predicted arrival date was to be Monday (tomorrow), and that has not changed. Since the day Leslie and I decided to get married next weekend, I have been hoping that they would arrive in time for me to take them with me. While the only piece that I will wear to the wedding is one of the shirts (I am wearing a suit), there are numerous other events and occasions, both in California and then in Dallas, for which I will want to dress up. I would have done fine with my older stuff, but I am happy that the new wardrobe will be available. Tomorrow they shall arrive!

    I was reminded yesterday of when, as a teenager, I finally got rechargeable batteries for my Walkman. It was exciting that after a minor investment I would no longer need to spend a fortune on batteries. I was surprised then to discover that, unlike alkaline batteries (which would start to lose power gradually, resulting in your music playing slower), the lithium batteries worked great… until they did not, and the music would go from full speed to nothing. I thought of it because in the morning my Body Battery measurement on my fitness watch was at 82, but by the time I got to the gym it had plummeted to 47. My treadmill running was cut off at 3km, although I did then walk another 2.65km to make sure I would reach my steps goal (thus extending my streak to 13 days). I came home and made myself a meal replacement, but then a couple of hours later (by which point the measurement was down even further to 19) I decided I needed food, and I made myself the last pieces of salmon I had in the freezer and a plate of rice. While my jogging is great for almost every aspect of my health and fitness, I see a direct correlation between the quality of sleep I get to the Body Battery, which as I have stated over the last few days is quite real.

    Before any of that, I took my son the younger for lunch at his standard Lone Star Texas Grill. I had the same fajita bowl as I usually do but opted instead of the chicken to try the steak on it. It costs a couple of dollars more, but the nutritional difference is negligible. Why not, right? It was quite tasty! I did have as many as ten tortilla chips, but I did not lose control on them which is a huge victory. My son was not at all in a talkative mood, so we essentially ate quietly. I was not offended – aside from him being on the spectrum, he also did not sleep well the previous night, and was visibly exhausted. I don’t mind being able to spend time with him though, whether or not he is chatty. I appreciate every moment we have, especially knowing that when I eventually move back down the USA it will be harder for us to spend time together.

    While I slept marginally better last night than the previous, it took me a long time to fall asleep, and what I got was not enough to really energize me for today. My Body Battery when I woke up was a mere 66 and has already dropped to a 61/100. I am hoping that I will be able to get a good jog in before I lose any motivation and energy. As I have done on the two days when I could not complete a 5km (or better) jog, if I find myself unable to continue then I will slow to a walk; whether I am running or walking, I will extend my steps goal streak to fourteen days today. Her Floofness wanted to go for her full tour of the park today, so I am already a quarter of the way there. While it is cloudy, the temperature is currently 8° and there is no rain in the forecast, so I am going to jog outdoors. I am not sure if running outdoors gives me more motivation to continue than I have at the gym, where I often find myself bored (especially if the audiobook I am listening to is not grabbing me). I suspect that has been the case of late, so when I am able to, I will stick to the streets. The forecast for the next few days is pretty stable, with rain predicted for Wednesday. I will still likely go to the gym tomorrow, if only to give the invoice for my new lock to the general manager. I don’t think I wrote about that, but the staff cut my (very expensive) lock off when another member mistook it for his own; thinking that the battery was dead (because his fingerprint was not accepted) he asked the staff to cut it open. The other member was at fault, which was compounded by his not telling anyone when he realized that it was not his locker. No matter, I bought a new lock, and the gym had better pay me for it.

    A buddy is coming over in the afternoon for a cigar, and it will be good to see him. He was supposed to come on Friday, but he was not feeling well. He is feeling better today, so that is our plans for the afternoon. I am only hoping that between now and then I am able to get my jog in and not collapse when I get home!

    My plan for today is to try to stay mindful. I have not done a great job of staying on the program the last week, and while I was doing fine yesterday, I do not think I would have made it through the evening without having the meal. A am glad despite all to be only .4 lb. up from yesterday, and 2.4 lbs. up from my best weight ever from last Friday. It should take only 2-3 days of faithfully sticking to the program for me to get back there, and hopefully by my next doctor’s appointment (Wednesday) I will be there. This morning’s weight on the bathroom scale is lower than it was the morning of my last appointment… but only marginally (about half a pound). If I can lose three pounds from now until Wednesday, then at least I can be nearly two kilograms down; if I can then maintain that until the next day then I will be able to fly to Dallas at my best weight ever. With all of that said, if I do not have the energy to make it through the day then I will not be a hero, and I will make myself a piece of chicken… or something.

    Okay, enough of this procrastinating. I am going to try to reach the bakery to pay for the wedding cake, and then I am going to suit up for my jog. It is hard to believe that the wedding is a week away!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 419

    It’s a beautiful day in the neighbourhood… albeit still a bit chilly. I stayed close to home yesterday. While I did go out to pick up salads for our lunch, I was not feeling up to going out for a jog. I felt that my knee was asking for another day’s rest. After lunch Leslie and I took a much-needed nap after I woke up so early, and it was a relief. I am not sure I would have made it through my class last night without it. I did not sleep much, but I did spend an hour with my eyes closed, and I felt much more refreshed once I did.

    All of my Amazon orders arrived yesterday, including my new belt and shoes – which are truly gorgeous, and different from anything I’ve ever worn before. Even though I was not leaving the house, I did wear them last night to teach. The shoes are extremely comfortable, but also very stylish. My wife (who picked them from a selection of five that I showed her) has impeccable taste!

    After two successful bowel movements these last two days my weight was down .6 lb. this morning, which is a relief. I am not really worrying about it this week, other than to keep an eye to make sure it does not get out of hand. With this morning’s drop I am back within that two-pounds guideline that I set for myself for the trip. I am also ever so slightly further away from the Obesity Class II category that I was so happy to be out of – yesterday morning my BMI was back up to 34.9 which is the outer limit for Class I. This morning it is back to 34.8. Phew!

    I prepared a lovely piece of ahi tuna last night, but I am afraid I did not do a wonderful job of it. It did not taste bad, but I think it was a little overcooked. I marinated it in lemon juice all day, which might have been a mistake. I coated it with sesame seeds and air fried if for ten minutes. I suspect six minutes would have been perfect. Leslie made the rice which we both mixed with furikake. It was a reasonable meal, although I suspect a smaller piece of fish would be the order of the day next time… along with looking up cooking suggestions. I have to remember that ‘fish’ is not a food, and that different cuts of fish will cook differently. I certainly know how to prepare a nice piece of salmon, but tuna will be a try-again… but try harder.

    Once I press the ‘publish’ button on this article, I am going to head out for a jog. I am not going to push my knee, so at any point when I feel it is straining I will slow to a brisk walk. I would like to reach ten kilometres (combined walk/jog) while I am in Dallas, but I will not consider it a failure if I do not. I know that Friday and Saturday I did 8km and 7.5km respectively, so I am really not that far off the goal. It is much cooler today than it was Saturday, so that will not be a factor (as it absolutely was then). It will all come down to my legs and my lungs.

    When I am back from my jog, I will take a shower and then head to the cigar lounge for a couple of hours. I do not have to work tonight but I do have some paperwork that I need to do, as well as some reading. It won’t be too taxing, and it will be nice to see the boys there. I have not decided if I will have meal replacements, or if I will pick up a salad for lunch. We will see after my exercise outing. This evening I will take Leslie out for dinner, but I will definitely take it easy on the starches… the rice last night was so tasty, but I know it was an indulgence, and not one I should be doing on a regular basis.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 418

    Leslie and I spent a lovely day together yesterday, and I picked up some new workout gear at the outlet mall. I really only had one long-sleeve shirt for jogging, as well as one pair of sweatpants… and in Canada I have at least another two and a half months of needing them before the mostly guaranteed warm weather of June. We also walked about 5,000 steps at the mall, which was good because I knew I would not be jogging.

    Before we headed out, we had a similar lunch to the previous day. Veggie burgers on a Canadian roll, with the rest of the salad I had made for dinner Friday. For dinner we had our second planned indulgence – dim sum. Both meals were delicious, planned, and well-deserved. Having read my article from yesterday, Leslie mentioned that she was sorry that I had gained weight since arriving. I told her that I was/am not sorry… I know I have been working so hard to lose weight for so long, and once in a while I deserve to let myself enjoy a little food. I especially enjoy being able to share the meals with her. For this evening I picked up a very nice piece of tuna which I just put into lemon juice to marinate, and which I will prepare with sesame and soy sauce. Leslie will prepare the rice. Dinner will be served after my class (which will end at 8:00pm local time). Weather permitting, we will likely finish the evening with a cigar on the balcony.

    Speaking of the weather… I woke up at about 4:45am this morning and could not fall back asleep. I sat in bed playing on my phone for nearly an hour, then tried, again unsuccessfully, to nod off. Leslie noticed that I was squirming a lot, and I decided rather than disturbing her, I would start my day with a jog… or at least, that was the plan. I decided, once outside (and once I realized that it was 41° outside) to go for a short and very brisk walk. I suppose 2.4km is not really short, but when I set out to exercise it is usually for much longer than that. I will probably go out for a proper jog this afternoon when the temperatures are forecast to rise to the mid-50s, but the morning is cool and rainy, and I am just as happy staying in and getting some paperwork done.

    These last couple of days I had not mentioned anything about my inability to move my bowels, but it was something I was going to write about this morning… especially after I once again sat unproductive on the throne before heading out into the cold. Well as it turns out, shortly after I sat down to write, I got the urge… and was indeed quite productive. I suspect that had I been able to do that earlier, my weight this morning would have been down and not up. Despite my protestations to the contrary, I was a little concerned that it was a lack of fibre in my diet, and that when I finally did, that it would be painful. In the end (no pun intended), it was not painful at all. I suspect that my body simply got confused by my sudden transition back to solid foods these last few days. I did mention to Leslie that I wanted to buy fibre powder while I was here, but that is to bring home to Canada. There is a serious price difference in a lot of things that I simply try to buy in the USA to save money on.

    Leslie and I have decided to stick to our tried-and-true Salad and Go lunch for today. In the afternoon I had planned to pop over to the lounge for an hour or two but knowing that I want to jog and then take a nap in the afternoon will probably put an end to that. I do want to drop in to pick something up, but I will not hang around there. Whether I jog or not is still to be determined; considering what time I woke up this morning, the nap will be non-negotiable.

    I am disappointed that I had to order a new belt in a Size-38. I was all excited that of the eight pair of pants I have in that size, one of them fits, and so I was thinking (wrongly) that meant that I could go down a size on the belt as well. I am not returning the two new belts that I bought, but I did by one more belt in my current size. I also bought a new pair of shoes to match it, and I am looking forward to taking my beautiful bride out for dinner Saturday evening. We dressed up for Mexican food the other night, and we can do it again for whatever we decide to eat this weekend.

    Speaking of clothing, I am frustrated because I know how loose my Size-38 jeans are on me, and yet just a week or two ago when I tried on my Size-36 jeans they were nowhere close to fitting. While it is possible that I have really shrunk down that much since I last tried them on, I doubt it. What is possible is that I was wearing these when they were really tight, and they stretched a little bit. When I am back home next week I will pull out that last bin and see where we are (again), but I am not holding my breath… or at least, I will only hold in my breath while trying to squeeze into the smaller size!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 408

    It is not often that I actually swear at the bathroom scale, but this morning it could not be helped. I am truly angry that after a successful week of no cheating, of eschewing every temptation, that I could actually gain over a pound this morning. This is now the first week that I weigh the same on Friday as I did on Sunday. Had I cheated… had I gone off the program or taken a piece of something… had I opened one of the bags of snacks that I ordered to take to Dallas with me, then I would be a lot more accepting of this. How in the name of all that is good and right can I fucking weigh the fucking same as I fucking did five fucking days ago? This, after not one but two jogs in that time frame; after adding fibre to my diet (although admittedly it has not helped yet); after a week of religiously sticking to the program to the extent of not even taking an extra cup of tea in the evening? One day to the next I can understand, but over the course of nearly a week I should absolutely be seeing a downward trend. This fucking sucks. I would not be surprised that if you were to count the times I have used that word in this journal, now amounting to 387,000 words, fully half of them were in this paragraph. (Okay, I counted. 12 usages of the word in the previous 407 days, five in this paragraph. Not half, but almost one third!)

    At the end of my class yesterday I took HRF Princess Sophie out for a quick walk; she ran into a friend, and they played for a few minutes. We then went back into the apartment (with the normal inducement of a treat) so that I could grab my shake and go. Knowing that traffic on the highway could be terrible, and on the advice of my GPS system, I opted to take the toll road. It only extends only one exit from where I got on to where I rejoined the traffic leading to the Burlington Skyway, and from the looks of things behind me it might have saved me twenty minutes. Good choice. After circling the block, I decided to park in the hotel’s underground parking lot. I walked into the room with two minutes to spare.

    There are times when you look at how things turn out and you realize that they are a sign from G-d that you are an adult, and you have to be able to do things on your own. When the associate showed me to the fabric samples for jackets and vests, I tried to video chat with Leslie, only to find out that she and her son were huddled in their safe room with dinner, the hamster, and a number of his toys because of the tornado sirens. It was not a good time for her to talk. I was reticent because I really do value her opinion, and I have never been good at looking at a small piece of fabric and visualizing what it would look like as a vest, or sports jacket, or shirt. She had given me guidance on colours for the shirts, and with that, the associate and I looked at several options, and then I finally made my final selections. One sports jacket (blue and grey – darker than the one I got last year, and not quite as loud), one vest (burgundies and greys, which we agreed would go very nicely with both my grey and beige pants), and three shirts (a burgundy with white prints, a very light green with blue and green leaves, and a light – to royal blue). At the last minute I also splurged on a funky fabric for the inside lining of the vest which should match it really well.

    Leslie texted me that the all-clear had sounded as the tailor was taking my measurements, and that she approved of all of the fabrics… well, she was not a huge fan of one of them, but that is still a pretty good average for me. To counter the one she doesn’t love, she went nuts for the light green one. I am pleased with my selections… and what I am paying for the lot. I have a buddy in California who used to be in the industry, and he has no respect for my Hong Kong haberdashery. I get that, but at the same time, I am not prepared to pay Five Thousand Dollars for a suit and hundreds of dollars per shirt…especially knowing that hopefully by my birthday nothing that I ordered will fit properly anymore. While I know there are much higher quality clothes available, I think that what I ordered looks good, and knowing that I am still wearing clothes that I ordered from them six years ago, the quality is damned good as well.

    I do have to wonder about one thing though. This is the second year in a row that I have gone to the tailor and Leslie was unexpectedly unavailable to help me choose. Last year she was called into a customer meeting, this year tornado sirens. Maybe G-d really does want her to only pick my final weight clothes! Okay, I am being silly.

    I had another uncomfortably difficult bowel movement yesterday and decided to up my dosage of fibre. I put one or two teaspoons into three of my shakes yesterday, and hope that will kickstart my colon to start behaving. So far, so good… although I still have not had any solid foods, so I do not know from whence is coming all of the solid waste.

    As I drove toward the tailor, I was tempted momentarily by a fried chicken chain restaurant… the same one I wrote about in my article titled Temptations and Cravings that I wrote on Day 9 of my journey. I am not sure which came first – seeing the sign, or smelling the… I don’t know what it is that I smelled, because I do not think you can smell the eleven herbs and spices from the car. Maybe it is the grease that I smelled. Whatever it was, I was tempted briefly, before remembering two things: 1) However it might taste, the last few times I ate it I felt horrible afterwards, so it does not like me; and 2) I have been doing too well on my weight loss journey to throw it away on that garbage. I kept my eyes on the road, and shortly after I got home a couple of hours later, I had my fourth and final meal replacement of the day. I realized again that I am seeing these restaurants and being tempted, but so far, I have been able to resist those temptations. In less than a week from now, Leslie and I will dress up and go out for our first cheat meal… our favourite sushi restaurant. The following day I will likely have gained a pound or two on the scale (as I did on my first day in Dallas the last trip… following the same indulgent meal), and I will know that the meal I succumbed to, which had been planned a month in advance, was worth it… and a good decision. I will take my first bite and feel the juices rush through my mouth, knowing how long it will have been since I had a proper meal. I am not throwing that away – not to mention the forward momentum I have been making with my weight loss – on fast food chicken that has no redeeming qualities to it other than the addictive salt and grease.

    Today is Friday and I had planned to wear my grey Copley suit. After this morning’s terrible results from the scale, I was not in the mood to don that piece, and I decided to try on my light-gray sports jacket that I bought off the rack in 2017, and which did not fit the last time I tried it on. It fits fine today, so at least I have that. During the course of a five-day class, I do not like to repeat any piece of my outfit; until today that would have required me to wear the light-blue sports jacket which I have had altered down twice, and which I no longer feel fits me properly. I am glad that I can take that jacket out of the rotation. In eight weeks, I will receive my new sports jacket and vest (and my three new shirts), and I will retire this one as well. I do not like to think myself a snob and have never been a clothes snob. I simply feel the difference in the quality between the custom-tailored jackets that I wear and this one. There are plenty of off-the-rack brands that would likely be just as good as the ones that I get tailored; this one was bought off a liquidation rack at Sears, and probably cost me no more than $75. While there is a point at which I would not know the difference, at the lower end of the line you really do get what you pay for. For the time being, it fits, and on camera it will probably look fine… but it will not be a regular featured piece of my wardrobe.

    There is a winter weather advisory for the region. According to the radio, we are set to receive as much as 30cm of snow starting this afternoon and going through midday tomorrow. I have no place to be other than here, so aside from taking Her Floofness out for her business, I do not expect the inclement weather will affect me. I will, before class starts, run down to my car to put my windshield wipers up. If you do not understand why, it makes scraping ice and snow off the windshield much easier after the storm. With that said, unless something comes up, I have no plans to drive anywhere this weekend. My repaired shoes will be ready to be picked up tomorrow, but they will still be there Monday. Oh, I might try to go to the gym… but I am not going to dig my car out of 30cm of snow to do so. Hibernation may be the order of the weekend!

    I suppose I should log on and get my class started. Today is Day Last of my daytime class, and I promised my students (as I usually do) that I will be online early to answer questions and to offer any help they might need with their homework assignments.

    I called the pharmacy to renew my prescription (it would not do to run out of pills when I am in Dallas), and they told me that they cannot renew it until next Friday, the day after I fly out. I told them I was flying, and they told me that because it is a controlled substance, they have no wiggle room, and they would have to get authorization from my doctor to refill it in advance. That, I told her, is why I called so early. While it is possible that Wednesday we will be changing my dosage, I did not want to leave this to the last minute and have to fly without the pills. The pharmacy has a procedure in place for this contingency and will fax my doctor’s office for authorization. Even if he might not be working today (he often takes Fridays off), it will be dealt with on Monday, and I will absolutely be able to collect my prescription Wednesday, with plenty of time to spare. Pre-planning avoids all sorts of problems.

    I’ll run downstairs now to prepare my car, and then I’ll start my class. My plan for today is to stay on track… even though this last week that has not done me any good. Yes, I know it would have been worse had I cheated, I just feel… well, I feel like I have been cheated!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 407

    Her Floofness looks amazing back from the spa, as she always does. She got home and immediately went to play with her best friend Charlie, and I finished my teaching throughout the rest of the day and evening. In her absence, I realized it was a gorgeous day outside, and I spent my lunch with my wife on the patio… through our rectangles. It is hard to be apart, but at least we have technology to keep us closer. It was the first day in several months that I was able to sit on the balcony without a heavy jacket, wearing only my vest over my shirt and tie. I pointed out to Leslie that I love the look of the vest, but am looking forward to getting new ones that were not tailored for me last March; it is amazing to realize that since my last visit with the tailor, I have lost 80 lbs. The vest is the only piece of clothing from that fitting that was never altered down, but it is also the only one that has a tie in the back that allows me to tighten it. This evening after class I am heading back to meet the tailor and will pick out fabrics for new vests… as well as a new sports jacket and several shirts. It is very exciting!

    It is official; my hopes of my weight dropping below 270 lbs. for this evening’s visit to the tailor are over, as are my hopes of dropping any weight at all from yesterday. I did not gain weight, but I did not lose any either. One week out from my flight to Dallas and I am certainly likely to drop below the 270 lbs. mark… but hitting 265 lbs. would require a nearly seven-pound drop in a week; it is just not realistic. I will settle for meeting my goal and will not try to set the even more ambitious one that I hoped for, but never clearly enumerated.

    This morning I did have a successful, but still difficult, bowel movement. I am going to increase my fibre intake to two tablespoons twice daily for the foreseeable future. I suspect that when I am in Dallas it will not be as much on an issue, as I will be eating plenty of salads. For now, the idea of sitting on the toilet being an exercise in pain and difficulty is not an appealing one, so I will do what I can to try to mitigate that.

    The reasons my weight loss is slightly slower than it was are many, but one is clear when looking at the numbers. As I have mentioned so many times before, I love examining the numbers on my weight loss spreadsheets and using the data to explain patterns. For example, on my comparative spreadsheet from 2020 I see that my gain over the pace from my last weight loss attempt was tremendous this morning, and I am now back to 6.4 lbs. ahead of my pace to my best weight from 2020, a two-pound jump over yesterday. That could have been caused by a sharped weight loss, but of course it was not. It was caused by the cheating and subsequent consequences of same from the 2020 attempt. Reading my journal from that week is interesting – aside from the cheating, I also found this paragraph from that journal’s Day 364 that talks about my ex-girlfriend using me as an emotional punching bag, a topic that I discussed with Leslie just the other day. I also discuss the failures of the previous day, which included a couple of meat sticks from a convenience store, as well as a bag of almonds. I am glad that I am not turning to things like those anymore because the sodium content must have been through the roof! No, the numbers that I was actually referring to at the beginning of this paragraph are in the BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) column of my body fat scale spreadsheet. There is a huge drop in that from when I started my journey – over 750 calories per day – which simply put means that my body at rest does not burn as many calories as it did a year ago. On a day like yesterday when I hardly moved from my desk chair, I would not have been burning as many calories as I would have not been moving a year ago, which means that the weight loss would be less pronounced. I know that I need to be moving to lose weight, and this weekend – as well as all of next week – I am going to get my butt in gear. I know that I will not get to 265 lbs. by next Thursday… but under 269 lbs. is definitely achievable if I stay on track and move my tuchus!

    Going back to my comparative spreadsheet for a moment, I am going to set a timed goal… something that does not always work well for me. Today my comparative weight to 2020 is ahead by 6.4 lbs. March 20 (the first time I will weigh myself back in Canada after my trip) correlates to September 4, 2020, when I weighed 270.6 lbs. If I were to lose an average of .5 lb. per day between now and then, that comparative weight will be up to 7.8 lbs. ahead. If we adjust that rate down to a very reasonable .4 lb. per day, then I will still be ahead by 6 lbs. That will be my goal… to be at least 6 lbs. ahead in the comparative chart on my first day back in Canada. That will allow me to have my cheat meals but will also encourage me to be as mindful as possible so that I do stay on track. It should help that the weather in Dallas will be much more consistently amenable to jogging than is the weather in Canada this month!

    Incidentally, if I do keep up that .4 lb. per day loss, I will achieve my best weight from 2020 by March 31, and my best post-Army weight on April 13. At my current rate (since February 1) of over .5 lb. per day, those predictions move up by a week, to March 25 and April 5 respectively. I could weigh less than I can ever remember weighing in the first week of April. I am floored by that. I am truly astounded to know that by either of those rates, my true best-weight-ever is a short-term goal of less than 45 days. Mind. Blown.

    I will get through the day with my carful mindfulness, not veering from the program at all. After class I will drive into Hamilton for my appointment with the tailor, which is truly exciting. With all of these predictions and forecasts from the previous paragraphs, I cannot think that I would be tempted to indulge in any cheats along the way. Whether my best weight ever comes on April 5 or 15 or 30, I am not going to fall off my program and lose the amazing momentum that I have built up. Despite the aches in my hip that are reminding me how long it had been since I jogged, I am disappointed that I will not be able to get out for another run until the weekend. I will get through my day today on my usual 950 calories, and I will come home with pictures of fabrics that will be my new wardrobe in 6-8 weeks.

    Have a great day folks!