Losing a part of me

Category: Dog

  • Day 498

    It is now five days since I have moved my bowels and I am starting to get concerned. I know that I have been eating so the waste is accumulating inside me. I am just glad that it is not causing me any serious discomfort yet. I will keep hoping that at some point today I will finally feel the urge to go and succeed. I also hope that when that happens it will not be too painful.

    As my body is currently storing a lot of waste it cannot come as any surprise that my weight is up again this morning. It is not a terrible rise, but it is up. I know if I stay on track this will pass, but I just hope it comes soon.

    My plans for the day are simple. It is a busy day, but different from the last few. I will have the evening off, but my afternoon is busy. After my morning class (which ends at 2:00pm) I will be taking Her Royal Floofness to the doggie spa for her hair and nails appointment. I will come home to record a webinar with one of the training centres that I work for. I was worried about that until I finished creating the content last night. Now I am just looking forward to having it behind me so that I can enjoy my weekend.

    We have been under a heat warning most of the week, but that is not why I have not been jogging. It is a coincidence that tomorrow the heat is forecast to break, and I might finally have the opportunity to get out for the first time in a couple of weeks. I have to start getting active again.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 496

    I stuck to the plan yesterday, except that I accidentally made too much rice with my chicken. I have to remember to measure it out, and for some reason I was not paying attention and I just free poured. It could have been worse… I was probably a quarter of a cup too heavy on my pour.

    I was once again worried as I got into bed last night. Before I lay down, I stepped onto the bathroom scale. Of course the evening reading is discarded, but it usually gives me a good indication of what my weight will be in the morning. I can usually expect a drop of two pounds from 11pm to 7am. When I saw that my weight last night was a full 3.6 lbs. heavier than it had been in the morning, I got concerned that I would be gaining weight today. I might have to rethink my plans if that was the case… even if I did eat too much rice. It turns out that I worried needlessly. This morning I actually dropped .2 lb. from yesterday morning. I suspect the reintroduction of starch into my diet is having an effect on things, and the fluctuations over the course of the day are going to be less predictable. As long as I continue to lose weight from morning to morning then I am less concerned with that than I might have been.

    I am trying to remember if today is the second or third straight day that I have not had a successful bowel movement. While not yet worrying, this is certainly surprising as I have reintroduced a proper meal (and some days two) into my diet. I will have to pay attention to this over the next few days to see when I finally do, and if that becomes regular. I suspect that my next attempt might be painful, and in anticipation of that I decided to take a teaspoon of fibre powder this morning. I do not want to get so backed up that it gets uncomfortable and scary.

    My plans for the day are to do exactly what I have been doing these last few days. I will have lunch after my class, and that will be my only meal of the day. I will probably go shopping in the afternoon because I will be out of chicken, and also need some vegetables. I will not be tempted to cheat, and the best way to make sure I stay on track is to ensure that I have the proper stocks to prepare my meals in a timely fashion. I will not be straying from my path. I also need to return a couple of packages to Amazon, which I will try to do this afternoon as well.

    Today is Her Royal Floofness, Princess Sophie’s birthday! I took her for a very nice walk this morning, and she got to see some of her friends. We have treats that are usually reserved for the Sabbath, but she got one of those (and an extra cookie) this morning. She deserves to celebrate. Over the next few weeks there will be a few occasions that she and I will mark, including the day we met, the day I picked her up from her foster family, and the day I finalized her adoption. She has been my faithful friend these last four years, and I do not begrudge her the extra treats to celebrate. She will be getting a few of those this month.

    I am still reeling over a negative evaluation I got from a student from a course a couple of weeks ago. I finally read the full review this morning. It is clear to me that this student felt I was the worst instructor she has ever experienced… and was saying that the rest of the students felt the same way. On the one hand, I know that I am pretty good at what I do. On the other hand, a single really negative evaluation can cause a company to not hire me again. I am hoping that is not the case here, but I am going to make sure as I go forward that I do what I can to improve on some of the criticism she gave. On the other hand, she said that I said something that I know that I would never say to a class. I have no idea what she heard that makes her think that I said it, or if she heard it from another instructor and projected it onto me. Either way, it might be damaging, and I am hoping that it is a one-off and that the organization does not hold it against me. I am still certain they will keep an eye on me though… sort of like probation. It is a stress that I wish I did not have to worry about.

    In any event, it is time for me to get back to my day. I will stay focused and will not let any of this drag me off course. I need to succeed, and I will succeed.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 462

    I am checked in for tomorrow’s flight! I am stoked. It was a massive technological pain in the rear, but it is done. I have my boarding pass, I have reserved my Uber pickup, and I am ready… in twenty-four hours I will be with my wife!

    My new clothes arrived on Monday, and yesterday I was able to collect both my alterations and my dry cleaning. The next few days will be a whirlwind of activity, but it will be completely worth it! We have the ketubah and the kippot, I have ordered the food, the wedding cake, and the wine. The food is being handled by the absolute Chassid who works for the community, and I will be making a generous donation into his pocket as well. The cake is being delivered Sunday morning from the kosher bakery in (or right near) Beverly Hills. The kosher wine has been ordered and paid for, and a friend is picking it up today or tomorrow from the winery in Oxnard. All of the honorifics have been assigned and agreed to. The rental car is booked and paid for, and the hotel is reserved. Tomorrow I will spend a few hours at the cigar lounge in Dallas, where they have put aside a number of special cigars that will be for Leslie, the Rabbi, and for me. In addition to that, I am bringing two boxes of Cuban cigars with us to share with our guests, which are already in Dallas. My ring is the same ring we exchanged at the courthouse in Dallas, but Leslie is getting a new ring (for religious reasons), which I already have. If there is anything that I am missing, then I do not know what it is.

    For those of you who think that this preparedness has somehow lessened my current levels of anxiety, I assure you that is not the case. With that said, at least I can maintain an outward calmness with the knowledge that everything that can be planned for has been taken care of.

    Unfortunately, none of that has curbed my emotional stress-snacking these last couple of days, and it is only the tremendous physical activity that I am pushing myself to continue that has stopped me gaining ten pounds this week.

    Speaking of physical activity, I did jog outside yesterday, and it was a great one. I am certain that it was my best-paced outdoor run since I was a soldier, with my slowest kilometre (the 2nd) coming in at 7m17s, and my best an incredible 6m56s. Even jogging into the wind (which blew from west to east) I was killing it!

    Jogging

    • Distance: 10.29km (8.12km)
    • Duration: 1:13:33 (54:17)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m08s (6m41s)
    • Steps: 11,768 (8,400)
    • Calories burned: 1,300 (1,034)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 160 (154)

    On the MapMyFitness challenge I briefly broke into the top-19,000 yesterday but was pushed slightly above that mark by people who registered their exercise after I did. I am still in the top 13% though – an impressive feat indeed, especially knowing that I did not do any serious walking or running until February, and it was not until March that I was getting out almost daily. As I have said before, I am not going to come close to the top of the leaderboard… but I will complete the challenge, and I will continue to compete with myself to be better than I was last week and last month… and certainly better than I was last year! The fact that I have run 90km in April amazes me (especially since I did not record my first run of the month until April 10). I will keep going until I win… not against anyone else but me.

    I came home and prepared my lunch, then jumped into the shower to clean myself off. When I emerged, I had enough time to get dressed and then prepare a salad before the chicken was ready. Had I just stopped there, yesterday would have been a success. I did not. Enough said. I weigh exactly what I weighed a month ago, even though I have been up and down a lot in that time. As long as thiis a plateau rather than my falling off the wagon then I am okay with that. I have made such incredible progress – I am nearly fifty pounds down since January 1 – that I cannot really fault myself for the occasional slide… as long as that is all that it is.

    While it is completely out of character for me, my suitcase is packed… or at least, it is as packed as it can be in advance, which is to say that my toothbrush and assorted sundries will go in this evening. I have enough socks, underwear, shoes, and t-shirts in Dallas so as to not need to worry about those, but my suit, sports jacket, vest, and shirts had to be packed. I am also taking a couple of ties, even though Leslie has bought me some gorgeous ones! There is one in particular that I will wear with my vest and burgundy shirt that matches perfectly. My carry-on bag is also packed – including several religious objects that are needed for the wedding. This evening before my class starts, I will give it all a once-over to make sure I have not forgotten anything, and then I will close them and be ready. Until then, I will just try to stay calm.

    I was supposed to go to the doctor’s office to get weighed this morning, but after a terrible night’s sleep I had a big balagan with checking in for my flight, and by the time it was resolved I had missed the appointment. I called and scheduled a new appointment for the week I get back from the trip. Unfortunately, that will have to be an afternoon appointment as I am teaching in the morning.

    Today I break my streak. My steps goal streak, currently sitting at 16 days, will not be extended. I know that jogging is good for so many things, but it has also been causing me to feel muscle aches in my glutes – the joys of getting back into shape – which can, the day of and the day after a good workout, cause discomfort while sitting for long spells. Knowing that I will be spending 4 hours on a plane tomorrow as well as the following day, I decided that caution is the order of the day. I also saw that my daily step goal has increased once more, now at 12,610 steps (up from 8,560 on Saturday). That number will continue to increase as long as I smash it every day (yesterday my goal was 11,490, and I hit 17,045 steps). I suspect that taking a day off from time to time is probably prudent. Additionally, after a lousy night’s sleep, my Body Battery peaked at 72/100 when I woke up this morning and is already down to 65. With my Uber scheduled to collect me at 3:30am, I know I will not get much more sleep this evening. I am going to take it easy and give my body time to recuperate.

    My plans for the day are to relax. I will be mindful and will do my best to not snack. I will have a single midday meal of a piece of salmon and salad and maybe some rice, but aside from that I will try to behave. If I do that, then tomorrow morning I will get onto the plane knowing that even though I did not do well the last ten days or so, at least I have not fallen completely off the wagon. I am teaching this evening, and as has been the case the last few times that I took early morning flights the next day I will try to get to bed and to sleep as quickly after finishing class as I can.

    Princess Sophie will have a fun eleven-day visit with her friends. She will go to Sue’s apartment later in the afternoon because we do not want to disturb her at 3:00am. I will not see her again until I am back the evening of May 7, which is sad but cannot be avoided. Right now, she has her best friend Charlie over for a play date, and they will have plenty of those during my absence. In the meantime, I am going to pack her toys and treats and food and dishes to make sure she has everything she needs while I am away. In the meantime, I am sure she and I will head out for another walk at some point during the day!

    I have this nagging feeling that I am forgetting something, but for the life of me I cannot think of what. Aside from my class this evening I have nothing planned, and only one errand (to go pick up Smarties for my stepson). A friend was going to come over for a cigar in the afternoon, but I asked him not to because if I do realize that I forgot something then I want to be able to deal with it without inconveniencing anyone else. I am going to prepare my lunch, and then try to relax. I still have a number of phone calls to make, but unless there is an aha moment, I am going to take today very easy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 339

    It is Christmas Eve, and, as usual, I have received a couple of notes from friends asking if I was okay. They know that with Leslie in Texas, I am alone for the holiday. What they do not understand is that it is not my holiday. I respect that with all the hype around it, people naturally think that everyone celebrates Christmas. I do not. I will not sit about the house sulking the next two days. I will go about my business as I normally would on a day off. Why? Because that is what it is. I am not sad or morose being alone… at least, no more so than I usually am when Leslie and I are apart. I wish all of my Christian friends a very merry Christmas, as I look forward to lighting the candles for the seventh night of Chanukah this evening.

    HRF Princess Sophie is not a fan of weather. She does not like extreme cold or wind and is truly opposed to any form of precipitation. She is my true California Girl. I was not surprised, knowing that she was out late in the afternoon yesterday, that she was not setting foot out the front door last night… but I knew that sometimes comes with consequences. No, she did NOT have an accident, but at 4:20am she told me that it was time to go out. The snow was still coming down lightly, the winds were howling, and the thermometer read -17°. We got to the threshold, and she took one look outside and thought better of it. We went back upstairs, but she looked at me with those expressive eyes and said ‘Daddy, I HATE the weather… but I am a princess, and this princess will NOT do her business inside her castle. Let’s go back downstairs… but it’s going to be FAST!’

    All of this to say that between the storm and my dog, I am not getting a lot of steps in these few days. While the storm seems to have passed, I am staying true to my plan to stay home unless I get an unexpected last-minute invitation from someone that I cannot turn down. The snow may be over but that does not mean that all of the roads are properly cleared and salted. Yes, I drive a Subaru, and yes, it is not only equipped with all-wheel drive, but also with four snow tyres. As I reminded a friend yesterday, you can have all of the right equipment to stay safe, and you can drive as cautiously as you will; that will not protect you from the dunderhead coming down the road who is neither equipped for winter driving nor smart enough to drive slowly and cautiously who will crash into you because they cannot control their car on the icy roads. I would rather stay safe than embark out in possibly dangerous driving conditions if I can avoid it. Of course, the fact that it is seventeen degrees below zero with howling winds does not increase my desire to risk it!

    I have not slept well these last couple of nights. I should probably amend that to I have had trouble falling asleep, because really, once I fall asleep, I am fine. I tried to sleep without taking a melatonin gummy last night, but at 1:00am I relented and downed one. The fact that I had to wake up in the middle of the night, get dressed (for very cold and snowy conditions), go outside (twice), and then come back upstairs, get undressed, and try to fall asleep again did not contribute to my good night’s sleep… but it did contribute to my deciding to sleep in again this morning.

    Last night, for reasons I cannot figure, I indulged in a large bowl of Corn Flakes. Added to the challah rolls that I ate for Shabbat, and we have yet another failed day. My weight stayed where it was the previous day, but that is not a success. Today will be better. That seems to be another theme these days. I need to get through today and tomorrow, knowing that Monday I will be driving to Strathroy to see my godchildren, and knowing what their mother is likely to serve (and how powerless I am to decline her oh so yummy kryptonite). My goal is to be two pounds lighter by then, which I can only achieve if I do not cheat on my program the next couple of days.

    They say that when it rains, it pours. In October, I had a major career setback, which I thought might put an end to my career as a technical trainer. These last few weeks I have made some new contacts, and reconnected with a couple of old ones, and have some great prospects (not to mention actual training contracts) coming in the new year. I remember how despondent I was when I realized where I was at just two months ago. Now it seems like I have a bright future in my preferred field… if we put aside that I’d rather spend my life as a cigar-smoking sommelier and raconteur!

    While we only stepped outside for a brief moment this morning, Princess Sophie is happy to have her friend Charlie here for a playdate. While the pair of them combine to be one hell of a distraction to my writing (between begging for treats, jumping on my lap, and whatnot), they are happy, which makes me happy. I admitted to Leslie earlier in the year that Princess Sophie is not really an emotional support animal. With the emotional turmoil I have gone through these last weeks, I am beginning to think that what started as a farce to bring her into my office at Sony Pictures might not be a real benefit to me. I have been terribly down at times in the last month, and she has made life a little more bearable for me. I will speak with my therapist about that when she and I begin meeting mid-January.

    Yes, I have been distracted while writing this journal entry, and not only by dogs. But hey, it is Saturday, it is Christmas Eve, and it is holy-crap-degrees-below-zero outside, so I am in no rush to be done with it. I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday, and the best for a great new year!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 301

    I lost nearly one pound from yesterday, and while that is certainly progress, it is very slow progress. The only cheat I had yesterday was some homemade chicken soup. I know a lot of people will agree with me when I say that it is unfair that medicine (Jewish Penicillin) can hinder weight loss. At least my weight dropped back below the 310 lbs. mark.

    My knee is still in a lot of pain. As I lay awake last night, I thought of the exercises I did at the gym last Thursday and Friday that might have caused it, and I figured it out. The pain is not the fault of my trainer, it is the fault of her client who pushes himself harder than might be smart sometimes. I have to remember the difference between ‘in pain’ and ‘injured’. I also have to remember that I am not a 22-year-old kid trying to be the best in the world anymore. Before I realized that it is almost certainly muscle pain from the workout, I took a Tylenol with Codeine last night. I do not know if that helped me get to sleep, but I did sleep through the night, only getting up once to pee… and while I did not fall right back to sleep, it was not more than fifteen minutes.

    It snowed yesterday during the day, but by the time I took Princess Sophie on her walk yesterday evening it had all melted. It snowed overnight, and that snow is fresh on the ground… and covering the trees and the cars. As such, Her Royal Floofness took about fifteen steps outside, looked at me, and said ‘Nope. Let’s go inside and wait for spring!’ Okay, it wasn’t quite that bad… but she was truly having none of it. She peed a bit, but whereas most days we go on a 2000-step walk, today we did not get out of the parking lot of the building. I am hoping that she does not get impatient during the day and beg to go out – I am teaching all day, and during lunch my ex-wife and I have a meeting with a school psychologist about our son the younger. If one of the neighbours knocks and asks to take her out then absolutely, but other than that, my girl is going to have to wait until class is over to go back outside. Hopefully by then the snow will have melted.

    Today is Wednesday, which means that we are two sleeps and a wake from having my beautiful wife back in my arms. Yes, I truly miss her that much. Despite knowing that I will not have attained the weight I was hoping for leading up to her visit, I know she loves me anyways… and did when I was nearly ninety pounds heavier. I will love her always!

    As expected, Her Floofness is now with Susan for the day. Hopefully she will get to go out once or twice. Hopefully it does not snow any more today, and she remembers that winter is a part of life in Canada. I know that she is looking forward to moving to our new home in Texas as much as I am, but for different reasons! It might snow one day or two in a year in Dallas… not quite like Canada’s winter.

    My plan for the day is to keep on track as well as I can. Because I have a meeting with the school psychologist at lunch today, I will be having my daily meal in the evening (early evening, as soon as I finish teaching). I will have a couple of meal replacements throughout the day, but there will be no other cheats today!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 281

    Yesterday was one of those days that had the potential for me to go off the rails on my program. I got some very disturbing news, and it really upset me. If it was not for the unwavering love and support of my wife, I do not know what would have happened. I am relieved that the only transgression from the program yesterday was a bag of popcorn… and it was the last bag that I had in the house, so that should not be happening again.

    The results of staying on track? My weight dropped 2.4lbs, which is exactly how much I gained two days ago from my post-vaccination cheat splurge. I am still .2lbs from my lowest weight (which I recorded Monday morning, before that splurge), but if I stay on course today, I will hopefully be back into the best-weight-ever territory either tomorrow or latest by Saturday.

    I did not join the gym yesterday as I said I might. That is still in the plans, but yesterday was not a good day… it was a day to sit on the balcony and smoke a cigar and to reflect on what happened. It was also a day to renew my Microsoft ‘Expert’ certification, which was set to expire November 8. My certifications are part of my professional credibility, and I do need to maintain them to stay relevant. The renewals are not nearly as difficult (nor as regimented) as the actual certifications are, and I was able to finish it in less than thirty minutes. It is the second renewal that I did this week – the other being for my ‘Associate’ certification, which would have expired October 30. Getting these out of the way took a bit of a load off my mind indeed. I expect that in the next week or two, I will probably try to earn a couple more certifications… but that will depend on a lot of factors.

    Charlie came over for a visit today, which means that I will not be going out until it is time to pick my cleaning lady up from the train station. The weather might or might not be conducive to a cigar on the balcony – we will see how I feel – but I do know from last night that it is time to start using the patio heater. I also invoked (for the second time in a week) my mantra that if I am not enjoying a cigar, I should not be smoking the cigar. I threw out the cigar I was smoking a little past the halfway point. I should have lit another one, but I decided to step inside to warm up. It was only then that Princess Sophie told me that she wanted to go out for another walk, and so we went… we would have spent longer outside, but we saw the massive skunk (it must be the same one from the other night… unless there is a family of gigantic skunks living around here) so we both decided to come inside.

    I really miss my wife. The other day I was sitting on the porch with Lyle, and he told me that he understands why… that when he drops Dorothy off at the train station in the morning, he misses her terribly, and that is knowing that she will be back in the evening. How much worse must it be, he asked, knowing that when Leslie and I part, we will be apart for a month every time. He is right, it is agony. I miss her, and she misses me. We can only hope that the US State Department does not take too long processing our visa application. The sooner we can be together, the better.

    I joined the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) last night. I am far from retired of course, but my wife was making fun of my age (she is nearly a decade my junior), and I realized that if I joined, she would automatically become a member as well. There are discounts associated with the membership, so I figured ‘why not?’ It was just something to do… and I suppose it is just one more card that someone wants me to carry around in my wallet.

    I am not sure if today might be my last regularly scheduled meeting with my diet buddy before she goes for her surgery. We might have a couple more weeks, but I will have to ask her about that today. I am really hoping that things go well for her. I am also hoping that I do not fail yet again and find myself wanting to follow in her footsteps. I really want to lose all the weight I have to lose in a healthy manner, and a non-surgical one. I know that my prolonged obesity will have made lasting changes to my aging body, but I want that to be the extent of it; I do not want to make any surgical changes to my body. As I might have mentioned the other day, my ex-wife seems to have overtaken me in the number of scars, and I do not want to try to catch up again.

    It is time for me to get on with my day, so I will close here… have a great day folks!

  • Day 277

    I celebrated my latest milestone last night. As I said I would, I enjoyed a steak. It was not my midday meal, which was my usual chicken. No, I had a second meal yesterday. I had a steak, and I had another salad around 7:00pm. Because of that, I was worried that I was going to lose the progress I had made the previous day. While I did gain this morning, it was .2lbs, and nothing earth-shattering. I can live with that, knowing I was able to celebrate and not pay too badly for it.

    I spent a lovely afternoon with Lyle and Dorothy yesterday, and while I do not expect to have company for it, I expect that my day today will go similar to yesterday. I will sit on the balcony and smoke a couple of cigars. I will either read or watch movies on my tablet – I watched a documentary about the music of James Bond the other day, and now I am drawn to watching the series in order. I started yesterday with Dr. No, and will probably follow that up with From Russia with Love today. Who knows? I have not been feeling great and want to take it easy. If I was sure that I am not sick, I would take my son the younger for breakfast. These last few days, I have been sneezing and coughing a lot; it could be from allergies, but I suspect it was the sudden exposure to colder weather, and not dressing appropriately for it.

    The kids are playing. That is to say, Charlie came over for a short play date, and he and Princess Sophie are frolicking and play-fighting. It is so nice to see them having fun. Unfortunately, it reminds me that my wife and I are apart, and that we will not be able to frolic until her next visit in twenty-six days. Yes, I am counting. Of course I am counting… I have not been able to hold her for the last week since she dropped me off at the airport. Long distance relationships are hard. I am relieved that the sadness over the physical distance between us had not manifested itself in falling off the food wagon. It would be so easy for me to use that as an excuse to gain weight. No, I have to stay strong and stay focused. We will be together soon and forever, and I have to lose weight and get healthy if I want our life together to be a long and happy one.

    With that said, my plan for the day is to stay focused and stay on track. I know that there is more temptation while I am sitting at home doing nothing, but at the same time, I can (and will) smoke my cigars and relax, and just try to keep myself distracted and busy. I will make my regular afternoon meal, and I will read and watch TV. At around 2:00pm, someone should be coming to collect a table that I have been trying to sell on Facebook Marketplace. I will be glad to be rid of it, not because it takes up a lot of space or because it is not useful, but because I am trying to slowly downsize. I want to get rid of things that I do not need. Come to think of it, I might list a couple of other items for sale today too. There, after I wrote that sentence, I re-listed my Ikea chair and ottoman for sale. If they sell, I will need to find another way for Princess Sophie to hop up onto the bed.

    It is a beautiful day outside, and the temperature is currently on a slow crawl up to a high of 18° Celsius. I put on a short sleeve shirt today, which means that I will be wearing a jacket as I sit outside. I could have avoided that by wearing long sleeves, but that’s life.

    I am being stabbed tomorrow and cut on Tuesday. If that sounds like I am having flashbacks to my Army days, I assure you it is nothing so violent. I have scheduled my fourth Covid-19 booster and a flu shot for tomorrow afternoon (the stab). I have scheduled a haircut and beard trim (the cut) for Tuesday. It seems like I am actually acting somewhat responsibly these days, taking care of what needs taking care of. Who knows? Maybe the shots will make me lose my appetite for a few weeks!? Probably not… nothing else ever has. Although I will say that as Lyle and Dorothy discussed a particular sandwich yesterday (that I am sure is very good, but as a reasonably observant Jew is anathema to me) I thought I might lose my lunch. Not the same, is it?

    Have a great day folks! It is officially Cigar O’Clock!

  • Day 272

    I have to stop cheating! Get back into the habit of sticking to the program… not a little, not mostly, but completely. I can do it; I have to do it! I lost weight on the scale this morning, taking me back to my best weight ever… tied for last Wednesday. That is a success despite failing. I am hoping that today I will be able to succeed completely, and tomorrow my weight on the scale will be lower.

    I went shopping yesterday evening, picking up the right chicken for today. I am not sure why I did not think to buy lettuce, which means another trip to the supermarket this evening after class. That’s okay, I do not seem to get as tempted at the store as I used to. If I go today, my next trip will be Friday afternoon, when I can pick up more vegetables, probably more chicken, and a challah roll and small bottle of wine for Shabbat. In my efforts to be truer to my faith, I made that commitment, and Leslie has been very supportive. She and I have been lighting the Sabbath candles together every week for nearly a year. She understands that getting more in touch with my faith is important to me and has concerns that it might become all-encompassing. I assured her that while my faith will always be a part of me, it will never be a very time-consuming part of me. For example, I just put on my tefillin and said my morning prayers, and it took me about ten minutes. I do not think that she would consider that an unreasonable amount of time to reconnect with G-d once per day! However, as she has no previous experience with Jews, it is a fair concern.

    I took Princess Sophie for her walk this morning, and the temperatures are certainly cooler than I have gotten used to over the summer! Today’s forecast high is 8° Celsius, with rain predicted throughout the day. Fortunately, it was not raining when we were out, and she was very cooperative. It is much easier to walk one dog than two. I say that because my neighbour asked me yesterday to take care of Charlie during the day, and he will be with us all week. I could hardly say no after all she and our other neighbour do for me when I am away! I expect he will be coming over soon, and if they can keep their voices down, they mostly entertain each other during the day. Of course, Charlie tries to convince me that his Mommy never feeds him and that he is a poor, starving, neglected puppy. I can assure you, he is not! He will get a couple of treats though… because he is a very good boy!

    I have another day of teaching ahead of me, which is good. I am enjoying it as always, although I think a few of my stories yesterday put us a bit behind schedule. I will hit the gas today and make sure I can catch us up. This is not the first time I have had to do that for a class. I do, however, have to be more cognizant of which screen I am sharing. Yesterday, for about five minutes at the end of the day, I was sharing the wrong screen. I do not think there was anything overly inappropriate on it, but I hate doing it anyways!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 217

    As I approached the bathroom scale this morning, I was scared of what I would see. Just four days ago, I achieved the milestones of 320-pounds, and then all of a sudden, I gained nearly four pounds. All of my plans to fly to Dallas near 315-pounds vanished; my only hope was that I might get back near the 320-pound mark… which should have been a lock, and now was another goal.

    While the number on the scale was down significantly from yesterday (nearly 2.5 lbs), I was still above 320. Okay, that’s life. The more important number today is actually what I see on the doctor’s scale in an hour. I am hoping to have lost a full six kilos (A little over thirteen pounds), but anything over 5 kg will be considered a win. Of course, the next metric milestone that I have not confirmed on the metric scale is absolutely shattered – I will be well under 150kg this morning, and likely closer to 145kg.

    My suitcase is packed, and I am ready to go, but I still have to get through the morning. In a few minutes I will leave to go to the doctor’s office. I just finished writing instructions for the next 90 minutes to my TA, so I can go and not be on my phone trying to multi-task. That’s a relief.

    I just got off the phone with Leslie, who just dropped her son off at school. I really wish I could see him on this trip, but that is not in the cards. I’ll see him in September though, when I will be at least 25 lbs lighter than when he last saw me! It is weird that I use that as such an important measuring stick. ‘Yeah, he met me twenty-five pounds ago… it feels like longer.’ When so much of my focus is on weight loss, I suppose that is not quite so strange.

    —

    While I did not lose six kilos as I was hoping for, I said that anything over 5kg would be a victory, so 5.1kg is just that. I am relieved that it was not worse, and that I did not have to get weighed yesterday. I would not have met that threshold yesterday morning.

    As expected, my doctor was quite happy with my progress, and we had a good discussion, mostly about staying on course and being on the right track. He did check a couple of other issues that I was concerned about, even though I strongly suspected that they were in my head (which he confirmed). He is absolutely thrilled with my heartrate and blood pressure, which are both lower than I ever remember them being.

    I just brought Princess Sophie to the neighbour, who will take care of her for the next week. Leaving her behind is the only sad part of my going away, knowing that I will be with my wife for the next week. I thought about bringing her, but that will wait for a future trip. I suspect that the next time I take her to Dallas will be the only time I do, as it will be a one-way flight.

    Have a great day folks, and I will see you all in Dallas!

  • Day 213

    I love hitting milestones on my weight loss journey. They are one of the ways I measure progress, and to remind myself that the last eight months of depriving myself of so much has paid dividends and has not been a waste.

    As I mentioned the other day, the bathroom scale can be mean, so when my weight jumped 2.4 pounds Wednesday morning I was quite upset. Fortunately, Thursday morning it dropped .8-pound, then Friday another 2-pounds. This morning it dropped another 1.2 pounds, which incredibly dropped me below the 320 pounds mark for the first time since March 26, 2021. It felt absolutely amazing, and the only thing that could have made it better would be if Leslie was here to celebrate with me. As it stands, I have not told her yet (I hope she has been able to sleep in this morning), and I will not publish this entry to my blog until she knows.

    I have lost 22 pounds since I flew to Dallas in June, and just over 75-pounds overall since January. Both of those are huge accomplishments, and the fact that I have so much more to lose will not discourage me. For the first time in a year and a half, I am 100-pounds away from what I weighed in basic training… twenty-eight years ago. I put on a shirt this morning that had been in the bin for over a year, and it felt great that it fit. Hopefully, one day in the next year or so, I will be able to wear my Army uniform again… if only for a moment.

    It is not surprising that when I went dark a couple of months ago a lot of my friends started to worry. I let them all know that I was going through some things, and I did not want to talk about it. I did that to let them know that I was okay, I was just down. As I came out of my funk, I started to see friends again (albeit very slowly). Today I am going to see one of the friends which I have not seen since he threw my birthday party for me. While I had planned to not eat meat until I was back from Dallas, Ryan told me he is going to smoke some burgers for us, and I did not have the heart to tell him not to. Also, the timing of the visit will completely interfere with my meal planning here, so I really should eat. I will not be having bread with them, but I will have a hamburger and some salad. I am now especially relieved that I decided to not have a steak yesterday.

    Princess Sophie will not be coming to Ryan’s house. She is having a play date with her very good friend Charlie, and she would not have it any other way. In fact, when she heard Charlie in the hallway, she begged me to take her to Susan’s to play with him… and when he got to the door, she actually knocked on it! Well, she scratched at it loudly, which is essentially the same things, what with dogs not having knuckles. I love that she has friends and that she is so expressive, yet so well behaved!

    On days when timing permits, we have expanded our morning walk. We now do a 2,000-step tour through the park, past the playground, and out to Forest Run, then back down Tobyn to my street. It likely does not change my daily step count by that much, but it is definitely noteworthy insofar as when we first moved here, walking that much would have me winded and sweaty. Today it is no more effort than going to the washroom. It also serves to ‘get the kinks out’ first thing in the morning. When a fat fifty-year-old man exercises as much as I have been, there are aches in the morning; if I did not have to go out for a walk, I might easily say ‘let the aches heal for a day or two.’ By the time Her Floofness and I are back from that turn, I will usually be feeling ready to go for a proper walk… which I usually cannot do, owing to the obligations of work and such. The proper walk will wait until the end of the day.

    The forecast for today is dry, but tomorrow will be rainy, as will every day through Wednesday when I leave for Dallas. I will go for a good walk when I come back from Ryan’s, knowing that while I might be able to walk tomorrow, it will likely be a wet one.

    Have a great day folks!