My day today will be consumed with helping my buddy. I can’t do anything else.
I have been thinking these last few days about stopping my daily blogging… at least for now. I am not sure what I am going to do. I need to get right with myself. It is not an easy task.
Today has been a long day for me… but a longer day for a good friend, who I am going to spend some time with this evening. Talk tomorrow.
I did a good deed today. I felt like I needed to because maybe that would pull me out of my sorrow and stupor. I am very happy that I did it… but I am still hip-deep in sorrow. At least the wind has finally abated.
One of my Lodge brothers texted me out of the blue yesterday and asked if I was free for breakfast Friday (tomorrow). I told him I was, but because of Passover I cannot go to any restaurant. He and another are going to come here, and I will make them a traditional Passover breakfast… one that I made last year for Leslie (much to her delight). I hope it works out. I truly do not feel like seeing people right now, but I know I cannot allow myself to settle into an abyss because it will just keep getting worse.
Last night’s Passover Seder was a delight. I was invited by a group of friends who were all kicked out of a community group because they are Zionists. Not all of them were Jewish, but they were all my people. It was a delight. The company was wonderful, the food was delicious; Passover is truly my favourite of the Jewish holidays.
I was worried about my weight following last night’s meal, but I actually dropped back down to what I weighed before I went to Toronto. Phew.
While I slept marvelously Friday night, last night was not as good. It was not horrible, but it could have been better.
As I write this, I am also making chicken soup. Once I press save I will add the matzah balls into the mix. I cheated a bit this year – I asked my buddy Lyle, a gourmet chef, to prepare the chicken stock. Actually, last weekend I asked him for advice, and he told me that he was already making it this week, and did not mind making extra for me. Now I have it on the stove with carrots, onions, and dill. I am cooking chicken in the air fryer, and in a few minutes that will go into the pot as well. It will be a good few days of soup. Hopefully it will help to get me out of my funk. As the old saying goes… if it doesn’t help, at least it doesn’t hurt. I miss my wife.
Have a great day folks.
There are days that are worse than others… sometimes you fall, others you use those hard knocks to remember who you are so that you can pull yourself back up again.
Yesterday morning my weight was the worst it had been in two years. It is time to end that. I am going to go hard on the program and get back in shape. With spring in the air I am going to start walking more, and hopefully get back to jogging. Not this morning… it was -1° with a wind chill of -9°. I am working morning to night today, but I will try to get onto the treadmill between my daytime class and my evening class. It will be a start.
I found out on Monday that an old friend who had been suffering from brain cancer lost his battle, and it has had me thinking. I am lucky in that with all of my struggles, my only physical impediment is obesity. Otherwise I am healthy. I have to use that to fight the obesity, whether or not food is an addiction. I have to overcome it.
I have had too many false starts. Life has really been kicking me hard these last few months and I have let it get the best of me. I have to remember that I am me, and I have to work to make myself the best me that I can be.
Day One.
Yesterday was not a good day for me.
I was a bit out of sorts when I woke up, but that was not a big issue. I hit the road around 11am and was all ready for a nice and relaxing drive to Montreal. When my diet buddy texted me I called her so that I did not have to text while driving. With no ill intention she caused my stress and anxiety to shoot through the roof. I pulled off the road and fell off a cliff with regard to my eating. Large bags of potato chips are never a good idea. While it is bad that I turn to eating junk when in emotional crisis, at least I recognize it.
When I arrived at my friends’ house I got some horrible news about his health, and I am doing my best to be as good a friend to him and his wife as I can be. When he woke up this morning we went for a walk and I talked to him about everything, including his feelings and intentions. He will not know a course of treatment until he speaks to his doctors tomorrow, but he has a very positive attitude which is important.
To top everything off, my wife called me in a panic after our American puppy (HRF Duchess of Mischief) was viciously attacked by a large dog who had gotten away from his owner. We spent quite some time talking because she was in a state, but she did everything right and handled it perfectly, and I told her how proud I was of her. It is fine to fall apart after dealing with a situation; falling apart during an incident is where we fail.
I am sure I gained seven pounds yesterday, but it is what it is. I will do better today.
Have a great day folks!
I confess, I did not expect to see my weight drop this morning. It did, and I am grateful for that. I am still in a terrible headspace, but I have thought of a couple of possible solutions for at least one of my issues.
I had breakfast this morning with a lodge brother who has been very ill, and it was wonderful to see him again after two months… and to see his health improving. I then met with another brother for coffee, and we had a good chat. I went to see a third brother for a cigar, and between the three of them, I think I am feeling slightly better.
It was a much earlier morning than I would usually experience on a Saturday. I got up to pee at 5:30am and could not fall back asleep. I had a couple of things on my mind, one of which was the welfare of a friend who is quite elderly who I usually get a response from pretty quickly but who failed to reply to my messages yesterday. When I finally decided that I was going to get out of bed, I found a message from him on my phone which was a relief. That did not change the fact that I was up and at ‘em much earlier than I necessarily needed to be. I took this as a sign that I should go down to the USA this morning to mail my stuff… and I am going to try to meet a couple of friends for breakfast in Grimsby.
My steps-goal streak was extended to fourteen days yesterday. I hopped onto the treadmill mid-afternoon and jogged 3km then slowed to a brisk walk for another 3km. There were a few distractions I was facing – all in my head – that had me stop between kilometres, but never for more than 30 seconds or so. I would prefer to be able to go right through (as I did earlier in the week) but 6km with a few short breaks is better than nothing. After I came in to get ready for bed, I realized that I was still short about 1200 steps for the day, and so I got onto the treadmill and walked at a reasonable non-exercise pace and knocked off the last bit. With my strategic planning I knew I needed to hit 11,070 steps on the day. As I ended up getting up to check on something before I fell asleep, I ended the day with 11,132 steps. The goal for today is 11,090. When I get back from my daytrip I will get onto the treadmill and get as near to that goal as possible so that when I go out to the brewery this evening I will not be pressured.
My sleep score was lower than it likely would have been had I fallen back asleep, but knowing that I only slept six hours I am pleased with the 76. My body battery was up to 93 this morning which is also quite a success. My weight, after two days up (a combined 1.6 lbs.), is down again this morning (by 1.2 lbs.) so I am still under the terrible mark, but I have to be vigilant to put more distance between me and that point before the Christmas dinners start. Of course, I do not know what is on the menu for this evening – whether it is finger foods or an actual meal – so I will plan for it by bringing a meal replacement bar… just in case whatever is served should be incompatible with either my weight loss or religious dietary needs.
It is another very cold morning in Burlington, Ontario. While the temperature should rise briefly to 0° this afternoon, when I took Princess Sophie out this morning the mercury read -12°… not taking the dreaded windchill into account. Looking at the long-range forecast, today is the last bone-chillingly cold day for the week, with high temperatures ranging from 1° to 9° until it finally drops back below freezing next Saturday. Keeping in mind that it is mid-December in Canada, I am not going to complain!
I guess I should hit the road so that I can get there and back in a reasonable timeframe. Have a great day folks!
Yesterday I did pretty well on the program… until the evening. It is amazing how badly emotional pain can affect me. I cheated… but not badly. My eating yesterday consisted of:
Believe me, I wanted to cheat much worse than two poached eggs… but I did not.
I also managed 5km on the treadmill, and for the second day in a row I hit the steps-goal on my fitness watch. Yesterday’s goal was 9,930, and I took just short of 11,000 steps. Today’s steps-goal is 10,130. I will do my best to get onto the treadmill and hit that goal, but frankly my exam is this afternoon, and that is my number one priority. If I can get some studying in and then hit the treadmill, then I will be thrilled. If not, then I will try to get onto the treadmill after the exam. That, however, might be tight because of a few other things I have going on today.
There is a site called MapMyFitness.com which I have mentioned a couple of times over the past couple of years. I do not think I have mentioned it this year, but last year they had a challenge to walk/run 1023km in 2023. This year they extended that challenge to 1024km in 2024. This is not about the number of steps we take throughout the day, rather only in actual registered workouts. I hit the ground running early in the year, but then fell off a few times. I have start-stopped my walking so many times that it is hard to keep track of. Of course, on days when I do not do an actual workout, I often register my walks with Princess Sophie for the challenge, so even with nothing else, considering the average distance I walk with the doggo per day is 3km, without any other workouts I should still surpass 1024km handily by mid-December. However, since I do not always register our walks together, and since I spent a lot of time out of town (whether in Cuba or Dallas), I have not walked her about ten weeks this year. Yes, I do a lot of walking when I am in Cuba… but I do not register walking around as exercising. Anyways, I am happy that with yesterday’s treadmill walk I surpassed 1000km on the year, and I am now a scant 18km from reaching the goal. I thought there was a prize drawing for all of the people who completed the challenge, but sometime in the last few months it seems the site was sold by Under Armour to a company called Outside, and they do not seem to be offering any prizes other than the online badge. I am okay with that, since only 2-3 participants who finished the challenge would have been chosen at random for a prize package, and I have a better chance of getting hit by space debris than winning (186,000 participants, and I am in the top 12.51%, which means that a little over 23,200 people have either completed or are within 18km of completing the goal. I’m good with the online badge!
My sleep score was only 79 last night, but I felt much better rested than I usually do in the morning. That might have something to do with my having gotten up at 4:15am to pee and thinking as I lay there that I might as well get out of bed because I was not falling back a…. and then I was out again. My body battery only got up to a 56, and I really have no idea how to improve on that… other than losing all of the weight that I want to lose, and then figuring out how to get a good night’s sleep.
My weight dropped for the third day in a row, but only by half a pound. While I would love much bigger losses, I have to understand that going forward I will need to be happy with a 3-4 pound drop per week, and will not be experiencing those huge per-day losses as I did at the outset. I just don’t have that much excess weight to lose that would account for a 10 lbs. drop week after week. If I can lose 3.5 lbs. per week for the next ten weeks then I will still not be at my best weight ever… but I will fit comfortably into all of my custom tailored clothes… except for what might be too large on me.
I was speaking with my diet buddy yesterday and recognized a pattern in her that I brought up, and we had a good chat about it. Every time she talks about her progress or slipping, she spends fifteen minutes talking about how other people look and what they do and how they must look at her… and at the end she says, ‘and of course I am disappointed with myself.’ I told her that it seems that she equates her own value to how others are or how they look, but because everyone tells her that weight loss should be for ourselves she ends it with ‘oh and me.’ It is like someone going on and on about what is wrong with Jews, and then saying, ‘but of course I don’t have anything against Jews.’ It is obvious they do, but they know it is wrong, so they say that. I asked her if she has ever spoken to a professional about her weight issues. It seems to me that she will never be satisfied with her weight until she is happy with who she is as a person. I think I gave her a lot to think about, and she told me that she is going to try to find a therapist for that. I am always happy when I can help her… or anyone else for that matter.
…now if I could only get my own head in a good place, life would be grand.
Have a great day folks!
As planned, I drove to Niagara Falls, NY with my buddy yesterday. As expected, I had no issues with the cigars that I declared. I was quite proud of myself that even though I walked into Wegmans (and a few other stores that sell lots of tasty things) I did not buy anything. The only thing I ate was once I had dropped Mitchell off, I stopped at Bulk Barn and picked up a handful of almonds. I really should get into the habit of bringing protein bars in the car with me… just in case. In fact, I think I will take a couple down with me when I go out.
Okay, I just took two protein bars out and left them near the door where I will not (or at least should not) forget them.
I returned home from Niagara Falls earlier than I had expected, and since I had not slept very well, I was tired and tried to nap. I rested, but did not manage to fall asleep. At a certain point I gave up and decided to walk… indoors. I cleaned out the area under the treadmill and suited up. I turned on the TV and walked for seventy minutes. My decision to walk specifically for that long was because I wanted to replicate the walking from the two previous days, allowing me to properly recalibrate my fitness watch’s treadmill pace. I don’t think the calibration is exactly right… but it is much better than it was.
A complete breakfast, a handful of almonds, two meal replacement shakes, and a 7.3km walk on the treadmill. All in all, that accounts to a pretty good day for my program. The results? My weight this morning was down nearly two pounds from yesterday, which comes to a two-day loss of 5.4 lbs., bringing me to within half a pound of that horrible mark. How cool would it be if I could cross under that threshold tomorrow or Saturday? Step one: DO NOT CHEAT.
This afternoon I am heading out to Grimsby for a cigar with Mitchell before we head to a meeting at the Lodge. I am going to walk on the treadmill before I go so that I can get some exercise in. The variable steps-goal on my fitness watch is now up to nearly 11,000 steps per day, and I would like to extend my current streak to four days. Let’s see if I can do it!
Have a great day folks!
