Losing a part of me

Category: Friends

  • Day 988

    Yesterday was one of those days.

    Wednesday afternoon my plan was to get some sleep and then wake up in time to connect to the Erev Rosh Hashana services that my synagogue broadcasts. A bunch of different things happened to keep me from my bed, and when I finally did lie down at 5:00pm, my phone rang… it was a Lodge brother in crisis, and I spent over an hour talking with him and helping him with his issue. I am glad I was able to be there for him, even at the cost of two hours of sleep. I then fell asleep for a couple of hours, but I did not mute my phone. When I get seven text messages in short succession it usually means that there is an urgent matter that needs to be dealt with. It turned out that it was just seven completely unrelated texts that came from different people, and it was a coincidence that they all came within a minute. The alert was enough to wake me up, and I could not get back to sleep. I decided that rather than lying there frustrated, I would get dressed, take Princess Sophie for a walk, and then I would call my wife so that we could light the candles and say our prayers before I joined the services online.

    Why did I go into all of that detail about Wednesday night? Essentially to say that I was so exhausted yesterday because between Wednesday at 12:15am when I woke up and Thursday evening at 5:30pm when I went to bed I got two hours of sleep. I got through my class just fine, but I am glad that in the afternoon I did not have a lot to do. I could not go to bed because my cleaning lady came… had I known what the previous two days would be like I would have canceled that in a heartbeat, but I was committed. I finally got to sleep at 5:30pm with the hopes that I would be able to sleep through until my alarm went off at 12:30am. In fact I did one better… I slept through the alarm and it was 1:05am by the time I got out of bed and got going. I am glad I did not sleep through my class!

    I am feeling much better today than I did yesterday. I was telling Leslie that with all of the difficulties in my life I am still a very blessed man, and I am grateful for so much. I am grateful this morning for having slept last night, and my class is going well. My weight, which has been up every day for nearly a week, finally dropped slightly this morning. Hopefully by the beginning of next week when I fly to Maine I will be down below 300 lbs. again. I will try!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 957

    While I was not pleased to see that my weight was slightly up this morning, I am comforted to know that I did everything right yesterday, and that the slight rise was likely just a blip. How often have I said that it is not about the points on the graph, but rather the downward trend that matters? I had a very good jog/walk yesterday and did the same today. I ate the same thing both days, which is also the same as what I have been eating these last few days. I am not too upset about it and know that tomorrow my weight will be better.

    Yesterday’s workout started with a 1km jog, and then I walked another 7km. I am not sure why my walking time was so slow – over ten minutes per kilometre, except for the first and last two walking kilometres. I am not sure that my choice of footwear is not a factor, and I am not terribly upset by it. This afternoon’s walk (also just over 8km) was walking only, and the slowest kilometre (the first) was the only one slower than 9m30s per kilometre. I was quite pleased with that, and came home, showered, and then made my lunch. It has been cooler these last couple of days than it had been, but I do not think that was a factor because the weather both days was similar.

    I have finally had a successful bowel movement! Ah, the weird things that we share when we are writing about weight loss. It had been several days since I had really succeeded, with minor attempts yesterday morning and today. It was not until nearly 4pm today that I sat down on the potty and really felt good when I got up again. I am hoping that will contribute to a decent number on the bathroom scale tomorrow morning. Here’s hoping!

    I have still not been sleeping wonderfully, but at least I am sleeping. I hope as I continue to exercise and to lose weight that my sleep might improve. We will see. As it stands, at least from Sunday when Leslie arrives, I should be sleeping better for a few nights. I always sleep better when she is next to me.

    My buddy Eduardo came over for a cigar after lunch. We had not seen each other since June, and it was great to catch up with him. I have been remiss in seeing a few of my friends of late. It is not that I do not think about them, but sometimes it is hard, and life just gets in the way. Later this evening another friend is coming over for another cigar. I am glad that I got my exercise in early!

    We are now in the month of September, and you can feel it in the air. While the days are mostly still warm, I have had to don long pants in the morning and the evening. Pretty soon the high temperatures will be in the teens, and autumn will truly be upon us. I will continue to remember that complaining about the weather is not the most effective use of my time… for all the good it will do.

    This Saturday I have to go for a procedure that I am a bit nervous about. As a fifty-two-year-old man, I need to have parts of me checked that I am not looking forward to having checked. I am less excited for all of the preparation that needs to happen, including no solid foods starting Friday morning, plus a regimen of what seems to be to be laxatives… I assume to ensure no unpleasant surprises to the doctor performing the procedure. None of this sounds fun, and I have just made a list of what I need to purchase from the pharmacy this afternoon… including the meds and broth mix (which may take me to a supermarket). Rest assured I will have a proper meal the moment I get home. To make matters worse, I will not be allowed to drive for the rest of the day following the procedure, so I have had to ask a friend to drive me home. I have also been told that I cannot take any more fibre starting today (well, Saturday really… but I only read the instructions this afternoon. I am going to try to reach the clinic to find out if this is a deal breaker requiring me to reschedule, or if we are okay). On the plus side of all of this, I should expect pretty decent weight loss results after not being able to eat solid foods (including my meal replacements) for thirty-six hours.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 955

    I was really down yesterday… because my weight was really up. I fell off the wagon Friday night, and while the circumstances that led to it happening were brought about by others, they only led me to the water… I drank on my own. No, I did not imbibe; I ate. Here’s the long and the short of it:

    My friend was meant to come over at 3:30pm to play backgammon. At some point during the afternoon, she told me she was running extremely behind, so I told her to just come when she could. At around 6:00pm I told her that if she wanted to eat together then we should do so before we sat out on the balcony. Little did I realize that she would arrive at 8:15pm, and that we would not be sitting down at the pub until after 9:00pm. I should not have eaten. To make matters worse, I stupidly ordered a hamburger. Even stupider, I did not ask for a salad on the side, I asked for the sweet-potato fries. All this to say that the only halfway smart decision I made was to walk to the pub instead of driving.

    I woke up yesterday morning and stepped onto the bathroom scale. To my horror, my weight was up 2.6 lbs. from the previous day. I was shattered. I spent the entire day down in the dumps. I also realized that I needed to eat. Somehow, rather than going nuts, I went to the supermarket and bought chicken and the vegetables I would need for a salad. I could have done much worse in the mental condition that I was in.

    I was hoping that this morning my weight would be down a bit from yesterday, but seeing as I was unable to move my bowels, I was not overly hopeful. To my utter surprise and shock I had dropped all of the weight that I had gained the previous day… and a couple more ounces to boot. Woohoo! While I could not cross off another number on my fridge chart, I at least did make good forward progress. Instead of needing to lose another 3.6 lbs. to get to my best weight from Leslie’s last visit, I am now .6 lbs. from that… and I have another week to achieve that. Woohoo! (I am still 18.6 lbs. heavier than I was when I was measured by my tailor… and I only have 3.5 weeks left before their next visit. I may not make it, and if I do not then I will not be ordering anything.)

    It is a beautiful day in Burlington, and I told Leslie this morning that I promise myself that I will exercise. I do not know if it will be a longer or a shorter walk, but I am going to hit the road. I just looked at the area map and decided what route I am going to take… it is probably going to be on the longer side, so I will make sure to have plenty of water.

    After that, I will come home, eat my chicken lunch/dinner, and then I will relax on the balcony with a cigar. Hopefully my wife will have a few moments to chat, but she has her son with her so that might not work. We’ll see. She will be here in one week, which is really exciting for me!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 945

    I was on the phone with an old friend last night discussing life, the universe, and everything when he mentioned something that let on that he reads my daily weight loss blog. I am always surprised to hear that people read it because unlike my other two blogs (which have been dreadfully dormant for months) I do not advertise this journal anywhere. Hey buddy! 

    This morning was another disappointment with regard to the bowels, despite my adding a teaspoon of fibre to one of my meal replacements yesterday. I will double down on that today, adding a teaspoon to two meal replacements. Remembering how much I did not enjoy having diarrhea for nearly two weeks a few months ago, I will do that only one day. I know… that affliction was more likely connected to my stopping the anti-depressants, but I am not taking any chances. 

    Speaking of coming off the meds, today will be the last day I take an anti-inflammatory. I have one pill left, and then tomorrow my pill intake will drop to four pills of three meds per day. I know that I am getting on in age because of that number, but four is better than five. 

    I told Leslie last night that I decided that this morning my weight would finally drop to or below the 290 lbs. mark. Even with two days of clogged bowels I am happy to say that I did just get to that number this morning. Just imagine what I would be at if I were regular!? The way I am feeling this week it is likely I would weigh ten pounds less… but realistically at least half a pound. I am still feeling bloated and my jackets are still tight on me, and I suspect that a good de-clogging might relieve that. 

    It is a lovely day out, and Princess Sophie and I had a nice and easy walk around the park this morning. I do not think I have any errands to run, so after class I will take Her Floofness out again, and then I will relax on the balcony. Tomorrow morning I am planning on driving down to Niagara Falls to run an important errand, so it will be a busier day (with a lot more kilometres than I’ve done in some time. While I am there, I might consider going into New York State for lunch, but more likely I’ll just run my errands and then head back. We’ll see. It should be a lovely day for a drive, and hopefully I’ll be able to drive with the sunroof open and a cigar between my lips. We’ll see. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 934

    I am not sure if my adrenaline high from yesterday has quite abated yet. What a day.

    As I wrote yesterday, I was awake at 4:15am yesterday, after getting less than three hours of real sleep. Why? Well, I was awake at that ungodly hour to pick my buddy up from the airport. Why did I sleep poorly? Mostly from the excitement and anticipation of what Saturday held. Jay had flown into town for one day to support me as I was raised to the rank of Master Mason. The ceremony was built up to me as one that I will remember for the rest of my life. There was a lot of preparation involved, and it would all culminate with the rites at the Lodge meeting. Everything involved lived up to (or exceeded) all expectations, and I was riding high until I forced myself to go to bed around 10:00pm… knowing that this morning would be another very early morning.

    My alarm sounded at 4:00am so that I could get up and get Jay to the airport in time for his very early flight. While he kept telling me he felt guilty for making me get up so early, I assured him that I could come home and go back to sleep. That has not happened so far, but Jay did get to the airport on time; I came home and took Her Royal Floofness for a very early walk; occasionally in the winter months we go out and come back in the dark, but I cannot remember the last time that happened in the summer… I suspect it would have been when we were living in California, and I had to teach an early class in another time zone. In any event, we had a good turn of it, and then came home to enjoy our breakfast.

    It is little surprise that my weight was a bit up this morning. I was pretty moderate in my eating yesterday, but there were some small cheats that were excessive, if not in the quality consumed then in the density of the fat and sugar. Yes, I had a butter tart, a desert treat for which Canada is known (and which were purchased to share with the numerous foreigners who attended my ceremony). This, after a breakfast of French toast, sandwiches for lunch, and sushi for dinner. Not a good choice in the lot… but it was a special day.

    There is nothing special about today, and I will go back to eating much smarter than I did these last two days. I had my regular omelette for breakfast. I will enjoy the sushi leftovers for lunch, but my evening will be a piece of chicken and a salad. That’s it.

    I am glad that my doctor renewed my prescriptions on Friday, but I did not manage my meds properly yesterday. Despite leaving the house before 5:00am and knowing that I would not be returning home until late afternoon or early evening, I should have brought a dose of the anti-inflammatories with me. I did not, and by 1:30pm I was in discomfort and then pain. I was quite relieved to arrive home and take the meds after 6:30pm. I have no idea why I broke my routine this morning, but I did not take any of my meds before leaving for the airport. Of course, I was home by 5:30am, and still took my pills earlier than I would normally. It is now 8:30am and I am feeling much more comfortable than I did three hours ago.

    It is a lovely day, but we can see that the summer is ebbing. I do not mind too much… it will still be a comfortable warm and sunny day, even though I did need a sweater for Floof’s walk. I am sure I will have plenty of time to enjoy the balcony in my regular shorts and golf shirt.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 933

    I did not realize that my ‘joining people for meals to celebrate’ obligations were starting last night. We went to the pub and I had fish and chips… a bad choice, but certainly not the worst thing I could have ordered. I paid for it this morning… but not as bad as it could have been. Without being able to move my bowels, my weight was back up to exactly that terrible number. This weekend will be difficult but hopefully tomorrow afternoon I’ll be able to get back on track.

    My doctor confirmed the pain in my knee is indeed caused by gout, and we adjusted my meds accordingly. I am crossing my fingers that by next week my knee will be fully healed and I will be able to do some exercise. In the meantime, yesterday was the first day in a few weeks that my step count exceeded 9,500.

    I knew that I would not sleep well or much last night. My sleep score is an abysmal 33. I was both too excited to sleep well, and also kept waking up afraid I might oversleep. I left the house before 5:00am today, already in a suit and tie. As I type this I am at the airport waiting for my friend. It will be great to see him!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 932

    I did not expect it, but my weight dropped nearly three pounds from yesterday. I did not expect it because around 10:45pm last night my knee was in so much pain that I needed to take a double dose of the anti-inflammatory meds, which meant that I had to eat. I had a challah roll and two yoghurts. I always assume that no matter how well I did the rest of the day, when I eat bread after 9:00pm then the following morning’s weight will not be a good one. I was worried that my weight would be above that dreadful number for a second day in a row. Fortunately, it was not. I might not be breathing easy about that if I cannot keep myself on the right track going forward.

    Tomorrow is going to be an incredible day for me, but it is going to start very early. I am picking my buddy up at the airport at 5:15am, which means that my alarm is set for 4:00am. I have to shower and shave, and I have to be dressed in a suit and tie for the morning. It is exciting… and nerve wracking. I won’t go into detail, but tomorrow should be a day that I will not soon forget. There will be a celebration in my honour after all is said and done, and I just have to remember to keep my eating in check.

    I have an appointment with my doctor in a little while. It is for a yearly checkup, which means that she will have checked my blood and EKG results from last week. I am not worried about anything, but I do want to discuss my knee with her. I am hoping that it is just a flareup of gout, but we will see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 923

    Yesterday went better than the day before. I went to bed satisfied that I had not strayed too badly on my food. I woke up to see that my weight dropped a little over 1.5 lbs., so while it is still disgustingly high, it is not as bad as it was yesterday. My goal for today is to do a little better than I did yesterday… and keep doing that for the next little while. I only wish my head could be in a better place than it is. I attacked a couple of issues these last couple of days that hopefully will be a step in the right direction.

    A couple of Lodge brothers came over for a cigar last night, and we had a good conversation for several hours. This time was interrupted for a few minutes when a passing dog walker yelled up at us that someone on a scooter had crashed on the sidewalk and was not moving. I ran down and did what I could to help until police and ambulance arrived. I guess there are some instincts that do not change. My first wife used to call me ‘El Justiciero,’ because I would always get involved to try to make things right. She saw it as a flaw. It has been twenty years since she and I were dating, and she coined that nickname… I still do not see it as a negative. If the strong cannot stand up and help the weak then what good is strength?

    It is another beautiful day in Burlington. I have some work to do, but some of it can be done by taking my computer onto the balcony. We’ll see… I might stay at my desk a little longer, and then in the afternoon enjoy a cigar with Leslie.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 913

    Today was the second Sunday in a row that I woke up, did my morning routine, and did not realize until I was back from walking Princess Sophie that it was Sunday and not Monday. One would think that I am somehow packing so much excitement into Saturday that I think it is two days.

    I gained a little bit back today. Groan. Fortunately, I got an unexpected surprise shortly after we came in from our walk. My diet buddy, who moved to Yukon, is in town, and she came over for coffee and a chat. It is always good to have friends around.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 904

    I did marginally better yesterday than I did the day before, and my weight did drop on the bathroom scale… a little. I hope that I did better today. With that said, I have been extremely down. 

    Two friends came to see me at different points during the day. It was good to see them both. One of them I have not seen since March, the other is a Lodge brother who I see on a regular basis. It is good to have friends. 

    Have a great evening folks!