Losing a part of me

Category: Friends

  • Day 878

    I don’t know how I wrote this but did not press publish. Sorry about that… Here is yesterday’s article! -MDG

    It is funny how certain things can bring back memories from however long ago; when I was a child my father’s phone number at the office was 878-3371. Typing in the title of today’s article that came flooding to the fore. When I write ‘when I was a child,’ I truly mean it… he left that firm when I was not yet eight years old… nearly 44 years ago. Because of that, I second-guessed myself, so I typed the number (with the area code) into Google and sure enough, the website of the firm that he was with when I was a child came up. I miss him so much.

    I gained another .6 lb. this morning, bringing me up 2.4 lbs. in the last two days. Fortunately, I think that my brain is back to normal, so I should not have to worry about eating for that. I will, however, need to worry about eating when I go for lunch with my son (or sons – that is not yet clear). My son the younger wants Lone Star Texas Grill, and I am more than happy to accommodate him… even if today was not Father’s Day, which it is. I am thrilled to be seeing him (or hopefully them).

    A couple of notes on this morning’s weight gain:

    1. Yesterday I ate more than I had planned to; I had bought a carton of eggs for breakfast, and had quite a few left. I ended up making a large omelette for dinner with the remainder of the onion, and sliced up the remainder of the cucumber which I had on the side. There is now no food left in the house to tempt me this morning;
    2. It was only after I returned from taking Princess Sophie for her walk and then drinking my morning shake that I was able to successfully move my bowels, and there might not really have been so much weight gain had it come prior to my weighing myself.

    With all of that said, I am still pleased that I did not gain more weight than I did. As I prepared to step onto the scale, I said to myself that if my weight was 283 lbs. or less then I would be satisfied. It came in at 282.4 lbs. … I was relieved that I did not gain more than I did over the two days.

    And so, today I restart the program… with a possible necessary exception of lunch with my sons, but I will order very intelligently, and will eschew the proffered chips and salsa. I enjoyed my first meal replacement shake of the day at 10:30am, which means that I should not be too hungry when I get to the restaurant. I will order the same dish that I did the last time I was there… although I confess, I do not recall what that was. If I do not recognize it on the menu then I will look up the nutritional values on their website. The afternoon and evening will be meal replacements only.

    It is possible that a friend may be coming over to join me on the balcony for a cigar this afternoon, but that is still a very tentative thing that we discussed in passing. We will see, and if he does not then I will still enjoy the afternoon. I plan to retrieve the dresser from my locker so that I can use it as the chest of drawers in my office area… replacing the plastic monstrosity that I have been using for nearly three years (and which sat in my storage locker for four years prior to that… and which was probably in my office in my previous apartment in Burlington, although I confess I do not remember that far back.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 874

    The combination of (mostly) sticking to the program and the addition of fibre to three meal replacements yesterday paid off this morning. I had a very productive (and comfortable) bowel movement, and the bathroom scale showed me down three pounds from yesterday morning. Woohoo! Of course, I should not discount the fact that I also exercised yesterday – forty-five minutes on the treadmill would have contributed to that. It also justified (read: gave me an excuse) to eat a protein bar (before) and some almonds (after). Hopefully in a few days I will be able to get through the day with the exercise, and without eating. I should also mention that I had the rest of my chicken for lunch… but of course, that was planned.

    On June 1 I was down to 276.6 lbs., and then (after a day of gaining weight for no reason) I had that scary day of lethargy which prompted me to step back from the program for the week that I was working… followed by a few other excuses to extend that ‘step back.’ Gaining eight pounds in nine days felt horrible, but I was never going to let it continue. Today I am five pounds up from that weight, and by this time next week I will be under that weight. I know I can do it, as long as I stay true to the program.

    My diet buddy texted me this morning. We are going to have a call in a few minutes.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 873

    Today was supposed to be my first full day back on the program, but I miscalculated, and so I ended up having chicken for lunch. The rest of my food intake has been and will be meal replacements. I also exercised today, doing 42 minutes on the treadmill (the first 28 minutes of which I jogged). I am happy to be back on track with that and hope that tomorrow morning the bathroom scale will reflect both the exercise and the dietary change.

    I confess that yesterday my eating was quite naughty… twice. First, I decided to buy a roll to enjoy with my lunch. I knew that because of the timing of my doctor’s appointment that I would not be eating dinner, and so I decided to indulge. Secondly, after the Lodge meeting, the brethren assembled in the downstairs hall for what is apparently a seasonal tradition: ice cream with fresh Ontario strawberries. I should have declined but I did not. It is no wonder that this morning the bathroom scale showed my weight up by not quite a whole pound. After ten days (ish?) of overindulgence and almost no exercise, I am relieved that my weight has not peaked above 285… but it is close. I hope the next week or two will get me back on track.

    I was surprised last night to discover that a good buddy came into town to see me for one night/one morning. After Lodge, we went back to Rob’s place and the three of us chatted as we smoked a cigar. This morning the two of them and one more buddy came by for a cigar. While I really should have been working, I had not seen David in a year, and he flew into town to surprise me. Yeah, he gets a morning… and a top-shelf cigar!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 863

    I admit I was hoping to drop below 276 lbs. this morning, but it was not to be. My weight stayed exactly where it was yesterday… and I have to wait at least another day before I can cross off another number on the fridge chart. I should mention that while my caloric intake and activities were about right yesterday, I was not able to move my bowels this morning. Hopefully that will happen later in the day.

    I knew when I stepped onto the treadmill yesterday that I likely would not be able to jog as far as I had the previous day. I set my goal to jog at least 4km (at a slightly quicker pace), but then to walk another 3km if I could. That would match the distance for the previous day, and almost guarantee that my steps goal streak would be extended. Indeed, it was extended to twelve days, and with the progressive scale of my fitness watch, today’s goal is 15.400 to extend that streak. I would really like to extend it today and tomorrow, giving me a 14-day streak (possibly my best since switching from Fitbit to Garmin nearly five years ago. Of course, knowing what my work schedule looks like next week, that is the extent of what is possible. Monday I am working from 8:30am until 9:15pm, and while it is theoretically possible for me to fit in a workout, it is unlikely. With that, my goal is to hit my 14-day goal streak. I will try to do that by actually going out for a jog this afternoon, but I am not sure yet. It is a beautiful day out, and I think I am caught up on my shows… but I am really enjoying the audio book that I am listening to (Mario Puzo’s The Godfather).

    I stand corrected. My longest goal streak was actually sixteen days… from April 10-25, 2023. That is probably at the peak of my jogging – looking at the record, I see eight workouts of over 10km, and one two-hour jog of 15km! Wow, I would love to be able to get back to that in the next few months. I have my work cut out for me… but in the meantime, I see that my weight in that period fluctuated between 264 lbs. and 253 lbs. … and when I was jogging 15km I weighed about 23 lbs. less than I did this morning. I will get there; I am sure of it!

    My eating yesterday was not great, but I think I did okay with regard to mitigating my lapse. After my post-workout shower, I ate a protein bar, as I said I would. My energy level was still bordering on zero, so I decided to go to the car and eat the break-glass almonds that were there. I did that prior to my class at about 5:15pm. I then prepared my third meal replacement at around 7:45pm. After my class I debated whether or not to prepare the last one and decided that I should not. I was a bit hungry for my last couple of awake hours, but I made it through to bedtime.

    I have a Zoom call in a few minutes with an old friend and colleague who now lives in Prince Edward Island, and then an hour after that I will have a video date with my wife. At 2:00pm my buddy Eduardo is coming over. When he leaves, I will try to go out for my jog. All in all, I have a relaxing but very busy day ahead of me. I guess I should get on with it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 862

    Today is the tenth day of my latest kick at this can, and I have a lot to show for it.

    • I am wearing pants that I was not even able to button up a month ago!
    • According to my fitness watch I am on an 11-day streak for hitting my steps goal!
    • I have dropped over fifteen pounds!

    All of these are great, but I know I have a long way to go.

    The daily steps goal on my fitness watch is progressive, which means that the more steps I take over previous days, the higher the goal is. According to Garmin, my steps goal for today is 14,610. Maybe that is the reason I let Her Floofness take longer than usual on her walk this morning… I would walk ahead and then circle back to where she was. When I come in from our morning walks my watch usually reads around 2300 steps. Today it was 3200. Excellent. I have a long way to go before hitting that ultimate goal, but I also have a lot of day ahead of me.

    Yesterday’s workout did in fact beat my previous one. I jogged six kilometres (with all but one lap under 9:00/km) and walked one more. I wrote yesterday morning that I did not know if I would be able to hit my new workout goal (to jog 6km), but I did. My next goal: to jog 7km. Will I do that today? I do not know. Will I try? Count on it.

    My eating yesterday was a bit problematic. Following my workout I ate a protein bar (as I had said I would try). I was still feeling hungry, and I went to the car to take some almonds. I am looking forward to not having any almonds in the car and having to get through the day without them… or at least buying the actual recommended portion of almonds and not just taking a scoop and calling that ‘a bit more than a handful.’ I will keep trying.

    One change to my behaviour on the program this time that I was never very good with is that I am making sure to add a teaspoon of fibre to two shakes per day. The result? I have had successful (and not painful) bowel movements almost every day since I started the program. This may not continue, but I will try! Those BMs have not always been first thing in the morning (as would normally be the case for me), so the potential weight loss they might represent would only show the following day. For example, this morning’s movement was only after my meal replacement.

    I have to run to the supermarket to pick up coffee. I plan to pick up precisely nothing else. Oh, if they have the sugar free gum that I like then I will buy some of that too. A friend is coming over for coffee today and I realized this morning that I don’t have enough left to make a pot (I made a half pot this morning). I want to be a good host!

    The routine of hitting the treadmill right after my second shake has worked well the last few days. I know that Monday was a disaster when I pushed my workout before my second shake, but this adjustment has been great. I have found I have the energy and strength to go harder and farther once I’ve fueled my body. I will do that again today.

    With that said, I am going to get moving. I want to run to the store before my buddy comes.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 860

    Weight:

    278.0 lbs. (Down 13.8 lbs. in the week. Still up 39.4 lbs. from Best Weight Ever)

    Re-hit this weight: 4/7/2024. Had dropped below this weight: 7/16/2023.

    I do not mean to sound ungrateful that I have dropped nearly fourteen pounds in my first week on the program because I am not. On the contrary, I am extremely pleased with myself for it. I am still disappointed with myself for having lost all of that progress that I had made in my previous efforts over seven months. I will keep reminding myself every week of how long it took me to go from losing weight to gaining weight. I essentially threw away eight months of weight loss efforts with eight months of letting myself go. I will keep watching that parabola of the up to down to up… until I am once again at and beyond my best weight ever.

    Yesterday was a mostly successful day in so many respects. Two brother freemasons came over to visit and smoke cigars (one in the morning, the other in the afternoon). One of them is a mental health advocate, and while we had planned his visit a week ago, it was fortuitous timing as another brother had a mental breakdown yesterday and he was able to intervene. We discussed it, and we discussed several other mental health issues. The other one is my mentor, and we usually get together weekly to work on masonic work. He met yesterday with the doctor that I originally did the weight loss program with at the bariatric clinic because he starts the program today! While we did do some masonic practice, most of the visit I was able to advise him and to answer questions for him… many of which he probably did not realize he had. I shared this journal with him so whether it is today or in 900 days be may one day read these words. I hope that when he does, he has succeeded in finding and achieving his weight loss goals!

    Speaking of weight loss goals (and non-scale victories, I thought of another one:

    Since March of 2022 I have been going twice per year to my Hong Kong tailor to buy custom shirts and sports jackets and whatever. They are usually in town in September and February/March. When I saw them on February 29th of this year the tailor told me that this was the first time that he had seen me in a few years that I have actually gained weight. I told him that it was an anomaly, and that I would be getting back on track. He asked if I was sure, or if he wanted them to cut the clothes a little larger. I insisted that I did not want that, and that I would be losing weight again. On that day I weighed 265.8 lbs., and I was hoping that my slide would be over. When I received the shipment from them just five weeks later, the jacket was tight… and I was only able to wear it a couple of times before I had to put it in my closet… hoping that I would be able to get back into it at some point.

    From my visit to them at the end of September (9/27/23) to that visit at the end of February (2/29/24) I had gained just under 20 lbs.; before my weight slide would end, I would gain another 26.

    With that, the next goal is to:

    1. Fit comfortably into the shirts and sports jacket that arrived in April (I am currently 13 lbs. from weighing what I weighed at the fitting in February)
    2. Fit comfortably into the shirts and sports jacket that I received in November (I am 33 lbs. from weighing what I weighed at my fitting in September)
    3. When I go back to be fitted in September, I want to once again be at my best weight ever.

    The first two of these points are doable but they do not have a time limit. The last one? Can I lose forty pounds in four months? That should be achievable, but I have to stay focused on it.

    My workout yesterday was great, and I did it a lot smarter than I had the previous day. My friend left at 12:30pm, and I prepared my second meal replacement. After I drank it, I got changed and I hit the treadmill. I jogged 4km at a pace of 4.2mph, and then walked one more kilometre at a pace of 3.5mph. I felt good when I was done and hit the shower knowing that my second friend would be arriving shortly. I went down to my car to have a small handful of almonds because I was feeling hungry at that point, and I was still two hours from my next meal replacement. I would end up finishing one of the two portions of almonds (in three installments) throughout the afternoon and evening, but I think I did it smartly.

    Okay, it is time for me to get this day going, I will sit on the patio with my wife (on the phone) for an hour, then I’ll hit the treadmill. The afternoon? Yeah, I’ll be working. Fun.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 859

    I made a huge miscalculation yesterday that could have gone badly. Fortunately, I think things worked out. At around 11:15am I wrote in my journal that I was ready to start my workout. That is not what happened. I ended up answering some emails including questions from my students (that were somehow asked of the customer service desk, so I got them third hand, and still needed (or wanted) to answer them before class), as well as a number of emails to a couple of different consulates. By the time I actually started my workout, it was a few minutes after 12pm. The problem with that is that I had taken my morning shake at around 8:30am, which means I was nearing the four-hour mark since I’d eaten and should probably have prepared my second shake before working out. Not thinking, I figured I’d be fine.

    I jogged 4km at a quicker pace than previous – I upped it from 4 to 4.3mph, which brought me down to about 8m50/km. From there I dropped to a brisk walk (3.5mph) for another fourteen minutes or so. My total distance was 4.83km in 50 minutes. Great. The problem was that I was so drained of energy that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get undressed, let alone make it to the shower,

    I managed to do all of that, but before I got dressed, I prepared my second shake. I was still completely shot after that and made the decision that I needed to go to the store to pick up some almonds. This was both a good and a bad decision. It was good because I definitely needed more energy. It was completely stupid because when you are in that state of mind, everything is a temptation. There is a saying that you should never do your grocery shopping when you are hungry, and I know that to be true. As I walked by the sushi counter, past the bakery, and then on my way out past the prepared food and soup counters I knew how easy it would be to just have a nip. Driving home with the bag of almonds open next to me I was still thinking that maybe I should just switch to my ‘adjusted’ program, where I have one full meal per day. Would that be so bad? I seem to recall doing pretty well on that…

    Not yet Mitch! It was just yesterday that I wrote about how much time it took to lose the weight, and how easily and quickly I put it all back on. I need to be mindful, and I need to be focused. I bought the usual serving of almonds, and I ran off to the car. When the thought about the roasted chicken I could be making for myself, I was relieved knowing that I had left the store, and that I do not have any of it in the house.

    I had a video date with Leslie when I got back from the store, but I was really weak and a bit lightheaded. I decided that if I was going to make it through my class in the evening then I needed to rest, so I got into bed, set my alarm, and took a nap for an hour. Phew! I made it through the class, and the day ended well. I was still asleep earlier than I normally would be, but Leslie understood. Princess Sophie even joined me on the bed for an hour before returning to her own bed.

    This morning was the first day that I did not lose any weight. It is a day later than I had anticipated, and I am fine with it. It is the second day in a row that I am not able to cross a number off on my fridge chart and knowing that I am a single down-day away from that is a bit teasing. At 280.2 lbs., the next day that I drop any weight will have me down to my second ‘decade’ – the 10-pound delineations – as well as that fridge chart mark. It would have been nice to hit them both this morning, but it will also be nice to hit it tomorrow morning.

    This morning, I am going to go to pick up my dry cleaning, as well as milk for my coffee. I realized only after I got home yesterday that I was running low, but it worked out well because in the state that my mind and body were in yesterday afternoon, it would have been a bad idea to have to walk through the supermarket. I have little doubt that I would have caved to temptation. I am now feeling much stronger. As I type this, I am finishing my morning meal replacement (and first cup of coffee) so if I go immediately after then I will be sated and strong. There are three things on my shopping list for the trip: Milk, one emergency stash of almonds (which I will keep in the car so as to not be close at hand when I get hungry), and my dry cleaning. That’s it.

    I have a couple of friends coming over today for different reasons and at different times, and both of them will be sitting on the balcony with me enjoying a cigar. One of them is starting the same program that I am on through the same clinic that I first did it with today, so I will be giving him a lot more advice than he will be giving me (as he is my mentor for Freemasonry it is usually the inverse). If I head out now, then I will be able to fit a workout in before my first buddy comes, so I’m going to hit the road.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 855

    There is something extremely satisfying about a successful bowel movement. In the middle of the day yesterday I felt the urge, and was very pleased with the result. My bowels felt like I had emptied them completely. It is likely the last time I will feel that again for some time. Peeing, on the other hand, is another story. You know that you are drinking more than enough water in a day when you cannot count how many times you have to urinate on both hands. Leslie and I were joking that our productivity might fall, but we would get our steps in throughout the day just between our desks and the washroom.

    I had a vivid dream last night that I had completely forgotten that I had restarted my diet program, and for some reason the delectable cheat that I was lured to cheat by was a sandwich made from matzah. I do not remember the fillings, but I remember the feeling or dread the moment I realized that I had cheated… and dreaded admitting so to Leslie. When I awoke to realize it had been a dream and that I had not cheated, it was oddly more of a relief than when I wake up from a bad dream from the Army. I suppose that could be explained by the 27.5 years that I have been out of the Army, and today is only the third day of my renewed diet program.

    Speaking with Leslie last night I thought of several things that I could add to my list of short-term goals, all of which are non-scale victories (a term that I had not thought of recently, but which my wife helped me to remember). Most (if not all) of them revolved around my clothes fitting better. I do have a lot of very nice clothes that I have had custom tailored that are either tight or do not fit at all anymore. That truly angers me, and I want to get back into them.

    I wrote about my thinner face yesterday. It is certainly something that I noticed at the time, but not until it was pointed out to me. My friend and occasional cleaning lady Kerry noticed and commented on it, and that made me feel good. She is someone I only see every couple of months so while I missed the gradual loss that I was seeing daily, the all-at-once transition hit her like that. Now if only I could get back to that…

    Yesterday looked almost exactly like the previous day in a lot of respects. I ate exactly the same (including the almonds cheat in the early evening), and my pot of coffee. I also drank more water than I have drunk in any two (or three) day period in a very long time. I did 5km on the treadmill, half of which was done at a jog (4mph), the rest at a brisk walk (3.5-3.7mph). I will try to do the same today, but that will partly depend on my timing, as I have to take Her Floofness to an appointment, and then I have some things I need to do in the afternoon. We’ll see.

    It is a lovely day, and I am not looking forward to starting my productive day… but it is time.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 852

    I woke up this morning thinking that if today was to be my last day of eating before I reembark on my extreme diet program with Leslie tomorrow, then I might consider going a bit extravagant… rather than the same old chicken that I would prepare in the air fryer. Those thoughts came to an abrupt end when I stepped onto the bathroom scale and saw the horrible number. 291 lbs..

    I had my usual breakfast, and then I took a coffee and a cigar onto the balcony to enjoy while chatting with my wife. We are both starting that program, and we are both a little nervous about how difficult it will be to get started. A little later on a friend came over and we chatted about a number of topics, including mental health. Despite us all having different problems, it is nice to be able to talk to someone who will understand.

    I went shopping, and it was much easier than normal… seeing as I am not going to be eating store-bought foods for a few weeks. I bought a chicken and a roll that I will eat today, and that’s it. Tomorrow morning I will wake up and prepare my first meal-replacement shake in over half a year. It is scary. It is exciting. Knowing that Leslie and I are doing it together will make it easier.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 822

    I have not been doing well on my eating these last few days. Tomorrow evening is the first night of Passover and my eating will be curtailed, and Wednesday I’ll be back with Leslie so I won’t be unchecked.

    A buddy of mine got his start date confirmed for the program that I am on for the second week of May, and I have decided that I am going to join him. I need to get back on track. In the meantime, I have to try to be better today.

    Have a great day folks!