Losing a part of me

Category: goals

  • Day 625

    This morning was an extremely bittersweet one. It was nice to see my weight was down from yesterday of course, and I am now within .6 lb. from dropping below 240. That is great, but for the moment not relevant.

    On Day 2 of my journey I wrote an entry called ‘My Weight Loss Goals.’ The last item on that list was this: “When I have lost 170lbs I want to take pictures of myself… wearing my Army uniform!” It was copied word for word from my original weight loss journal that I wrote during my first go at it in 2017… and again from my second journal from 2019-20.

    In April 2020 I moved to Westlake Village. This was the very height of the pandemic where almost everything was shut down. A group of us would sit in the park smoking cigars and we had a great time. During my recent trip a few of us were sitting around chatting and one of them said that the group was the best thing that happened because of the pandemic. I resumed my weight loss program at this time, and I made a bet with one of the boys that by New Years’ Day I would be able to fit into my uniform. Of course that did not happen.

    My phone started dinging earlier than it normally would on a Saturday. Israel was at war with Gaza. The Hamas-led government launched the largest ground and air assault into Israel that we have ever seen. Of course my first thought was that I wish I could be there and join the fight. I went about my morning bathroom routine, after which I stepped onto the bathroom scale (and was pleased to see a slight drop from the status quo of the last few days). I was about to get dressed but I decided to take a slight detour. I opened the bottom drawer of my armoire and pulled out my Army uniform. I decided to give it a shot.

    It fit.

    I do not mean that I as able to squeeze into it… I mean I was able to comfortably put on the shirt and pants! I took a picture – I did not tuck in or put on the belt, but I went to the bathroom and took a picture so that I can send it to my wife… and probably to The Westlake Cigar Boys (and especially Orrin).

    This is going to be a challenging weekend for my program. This evening I am going to a birthday party at a restaurant. I wish I could say no to the invitation, but I cannot. I will do my level best to be good. Tomorrow I am going to Thanksgiving dinner at my buddy’s house… or rather at his parents’ house. It has been a longstanding tradition that I join them for both Thanksgiving and Christmas (when I am in town), and it gives me the opportunity to see my godson and goddaughter. I plan for both days to go for a long walk/jog before the festivities and only hope that will negate the effects. I am going to do my best.

    Autumn is upon us and so is the autumn weather. The forecast high temperatures for the week to come are steady between 12-14°, which means that t-shirt weather is behind us… as is the certainty of being able to comfortably sit outside with a cigar. I have sweatpants and long sleeved t-shirts so I am not concerned that I will need to abate my outdoor exercises just yet, but in anticipation of that time I am glad I did not cancel my gym membership. I am going to take a drive down to The Running Room to see if I can replace the running gloves that I bought there twenty years ago… and which are ready to fall apart.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 607

    I cannot decide if it means anything or not. After all, I know that when I weigh myself at 3:15am the readout will be completely different from when I weigh myself when I normally wake up. I was absolutely not planning to even step onto the bathroom scale this morning… I packed my suitcase last night and the scale was in it. As fate would have it I packed all of my golf shirts, so I needed to take one out to wear today. I opened it up and decided to see what the dreaded machine would say… even though I was sure to be disappointed.

    244.4 lbs.

    Two hundred and forty-four pounds.

    I did not see any chance that it would happen after the crap I had gone through these last ten days or so, but I achieved that goal. This morning, in time to fly to California, I have lost 150 lbs. 150.6, to be specific.

    For the first time since I set the goal in that app that came with my bathroom scale, I have less than fifty pounds to go to to my ultimate (and unrealistic) weight goal!

    I am currently on the plane on the first leg of my flight to LAX. I drove to the airport (a first – when the trip is short enough it is cheaper to pay for off-airport parking than it is to pay for the Uber to and from), I got through Security and Customs and I had my breakfast wrap (minus the bacon). As I promised myself I would, I swapped out the potatoes for slices of tomato. All in all I am not disappointed by what I ate. I did not bring snacks for the airplane but I will likely try to buy some nuts at the connecting airport. I do not want to be stuck on the second airplane hungry.

    Speaking of food and planning: I brought two meal replacements for every day I will be in California. I will still be eating smart, but I am not going to go completely off the program… just a little off the program. I will not be disappointed if I come back to Canada 2-3 lbs. heavier than I was this morning. I will be extremely upset with myself if it is worse than that. I brought the bathroom scale with me to try to keep me honest… to remind me every morning that I am not going to let myself go.

    It was a brisk morning in the Greater Toronto Area but the forecast for Los Angeles is sunny and mid-70s. It will be a lovely week, and I am looking forward to seeing my wife tomorrow… and all of my friends while I am there.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 598

    I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning with trepidation. I knew that I had not cheated at all yesterday, and that I had gone for a very good walk. I knew all that yesterday morning as well so when the numbers on the scale were up, I was disheartened. After that measure I knew that if I did drop slightly then I would still be at or even above 250 lbs., and that I would need to lose at least .6 lb. to drop below that milestone. It did not help at all that I was not able to move my bowels this morning. I did yesterday after I wrote my article, but that doesn’t mean anything. I looked at the scale and stepped up as if I was taking that last step out of the helicopter. Just like that zipline drop, I waited there unable to move or do anything for several seconds. I then looked down to see where I was.

    249.4 lbs.

    I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought it would be a celebration, an exultation of some sort. There was nothing like that. In fact, I realized a minute later that I needed to repeat the process – not to check that I had not dreamed it, rather to take a picture of the numbers on the scale so that I could send them to my diet buddy who, at that moment, was I am sure lying comfortably in her bed three time zones away. I did not want to send it to my wife – I want to tell her personally so we can celebrate together. Julie has been a wonderful friend and she will be thrilled for me, but Leslie is the woman I want to share my triumph with. Maybe her absence is why I did not jump up and down or pump my fist in the air. I don’t know. Please do not misunderstand me; I am thrilled, elated, overjoyed… I am just toned down about it.

    Next milestone: down 150 lbs… and if I stay on track then that will be in the next ten days or less. I am less than five pounds from that one.

    I am picking up my son the younger at 11:30am and taking him for lunch. I have no doubt that we will be going back to Lone Star Texas Grill, where he will order the queso with chips, and a pound of breaded Buffalo wings with barbecue sauce. I will gird myself to resist the temptation of the free chips with salsa that the waiter will bring before he even takes our orders. I will order nothing but water or possibly coffee. I will sit and watch my thirteen-year-old boy devour his food that will look and smell so delicious and tempting. Now that I think of it, I might order a plate of celery and carrots. My boy always gives me his carrots, and a plate of carrot sticks would not hurt me. I don’t know… it will depend on how I feel when we sit down. If I feel that I am strong enough to make it through his meal, then I will simply eat the ones off his plate. If I am feeling weak, then I will ask for my own. I will not cheat.

    After I drop him off, I will come home and have my first shake of the day. It will be slightly later than usual, but not terribly so. I will see if I have the energy to go for a long walk, but I know that my body should get some recovery in from time to time. On the other hand, I am teaching this week (Monday and Wednesday from 9am to 9pm) so today is my last opportunity to exercise this year.

    Yes, Friday evening the Jewish People will welcome the New Year. Rosh Hashana is a time of reflection just as New Year’s Eve is on the Gregorian Calendar. This has been a wonderful year of change for me; I married my lovely wife (yes, we were married in a courthouse the previous year, but this year it was under the eyes of G-d). I lost a tremendous amount of weight this year; I actually lost more weight from January 20-December 31 2022 than I have this calendar year, or even from January 20-September 10 2022 than I have this year… but I still started and finished that year morbidly obese (Obese Class 3), whereas today I am 16 lbs. from dropping from Obese Class 1 to Overweight. I have written before about my thoughts about the BMI Scale, but absent more accurate yard sticks, I will take this one. What other changes have I made? I have been exercising (although not as regularly as I should, still pretty well). I have been more conscious of my appearance, and Leslie and I are that much closer to being able to live together. I have helped Leslie to learn more about our beautiful religion, and I have maintained my faith to a level that I am satisfied with… although I know that I can still do better, and I will endeavour to do so going forward.

    I was sitting and talking with a neighbour yesterday. He doggie is old but he’s a good boy and Princess Sophie wanted to spend some time on his patio with him, so his mom and I were talking. I told her how much weight I had lost, and she was absolutely shocked. I pulled out a picture of what I looked like on the day I started this journey, and she was flabbergasted. She started by saying that it had mainly been in my stomach. She then said ‘actually, I guess it was everywhere. You can see a real difference even in your face.’ This is a woman who only sees me fully clothed so she cannot see that my legs, my hips, my chest, my shoulders… every part of me is smaller, more toned, and less flabby. I still have a long way to go, but I am thrilled by the progress I have made so far.

    Here we are again. These last few days I have been writing about how many days I had weighed in lighter… well today that number is zero. I am at my best weight ever. My diet buddy said that there is nowhere to go but down, but when we talk next, I will remind her that thinking like that can lead to disaster. Down is where I want to keep going… but it would not take much for the trend to turn and for my weight to start going up. I cannot do that. Best Weight Ever is a great place to be… and I hope to keep moving that number downward over the next few weeks and months. I might take a pause for my week in California, but I am still not going to go overboard. I am going to do my best to come home on Tuesday, and on Wednesday morning step onto my doctor’s scale and weigh less than 110kg. This morning I weigh 113kg. Later that day I will be measured by the Hong Kong tailor, and I will be smaller than I have been since the Army. I will keep going because I know how easy it would be to lose focus and end up gaining the weight back again. I can never let that happen.

    Okay, it is time to get moving. I am going to sit outside with a very short cigar and my coffee, and in 25 minutes I will go to pick up my son.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 585

    I was surprised that I was able to cross off another number on the fridge this morning. That makes three numbers in four days, and the seventh day straight that my weight has dropped. I once again feel bad for Leslie who was not happy with the number she saw on the scale yesterday morning, even though she is working so much harder at the program than I am. I also owe her a big thank you, and I told her about it yesterday when we were chatting as she waited for her much-delayed flight.

    We left the apartment at 11:00am to drive to Cambridge to see Ryan (and his sister) and smoke cigars. It was a lovely afternoon, except I made a mistake. I left the house without taking meal replacements with me. I had eaten my usual omelette in the morning but that was all. Leslie offered to share one of her remaining American meal replacements with me, which we shared at around 1:00pm. We left Cambridge around 4:30pm which would have me dropping her at the airport by around 5:30pm, so without any traffic I would be getting home by 6:15pm or so.

    I was not going to make it. I was hungry and I was not going to be able to make it until 6:15pm. As we sat in traffic on the Trans Canada Highway, I was thinking to myself that I could drop her off art the airport and then look for a convenience store to buy a bag of peanuts. Leslie would be at the airport, and she wouldn’t need to know. She was gone, and so was her scrutiny which had kept me honest during her visit. I started to salivate as I anticipated with gusto the snack I would be enjoying within a short half-hour!

    We were probably fifteen minutes out from the airport when she turned to me and said, ‘Okay… so what are you not going to do tonight?’ Without hesitation I replied ‘Cheat! I will not cheat!’ That was the answer she was looking for. Satisfied, we spent the rest of the car ride basking in our last few minutes of togetherness before she would walk into the terminal.

    Princess Sophie and I drove straight home making no stops along the way. As soon as we got into the apartment, I prepared my meal replacement. I then texted her to let her know that I owed it to her that I did not fall off the program… even if for a minute. I also told her that I do not know what will happen today or tomorrow… but my success on Sunday I owed entirely to her – first for sharing her meal replacements with me, and then for inspiring me to not cheat in the evening. For as many times as I have credited her support and encouragement for my success, this was one more time that it was a specific incident rather than a general helping.

    Over the last couple of days we also discussed my wardrobe, and I made an appointment with the Hong Kong tailor who will be in Hamilton for two days in September – the day I fly back from California, and the next day. Leslie suggested colours for shirts – navy blue, green, and purple. I am surprised she says I look good in green but that is likely because after the Army I spent so much effort avoiding that colour that I started thinking it was just because I did not look good in it. I trust my wife’s sense of fashion and style better than my own, so I will look for something green! I hope that I can be at my lowest weight ever by then (it is precisely thirty days from today), even though I will just be back from spending a week in California where I will try to eat well, but I will not be sticking to the program.

    With regard to my progress: I am now four pounds from my best weight ever, and as that number shrinks so too does the number of days when I weighed less. My spreadsheet shows thirteen days when my weight was lower than this morning’s; with the exception of a single day in April, all of those were between May 20 and May 31. It took me eight days to drop from 256.2 (what I weighed on May 19) down to 250 lbs…. and then just five days for my weight to jump back to 254.6 lbs… my weight on June 1. My plan is to not fall off this time, and to lose as much as I can between now and October.

    There is nothing particular about October 1… other than it is the beginning of a month. With that said, now that I might be back on track, it is not a bad time to try to set some new short-term goals.

    • This week: Stay on track! I am seeing my doctor on Thursday, and I would love to see my best ever medical weigh-in. I could, in theory, stay put where I am now and achieve that… as long as I stripped naked and stepped onto her scale the same way I do my own every morning. To be safe, I would love to continue with my current pace of .8 lb. per day, but assuming that unrealistic I would be thrilled if I could lose another 1-2 lbs. in these next few days.
    • Within the next ten days (that is, by September 7) I would like to drop below 250 lbs. for the first time in my post-Army life.
    • If I can maintain a weight-loss pace of 3.5 lbs. per week (or .5 lb. per day) between now and Rosh Hashana (the evening of September 15) then I would weigh just under 245 lbs. by then!
    • Maintaining that pace, the day I pick my wife up from Los Angeles International Airport I would weigh 242 lbs.!
    • Even if my pace were to abate somewhat, at a .3 lb. per day average drop (2.1 lbs. per week) then I would still weigh 246.8 lbs. when I pick Leslie up at the airport on the 20th. Even that would be a success!
    • Knowing that the week in California will be a difficult one to stay on track, I am nevertheless hoping that my weight the morning of September 27 – that is, the day of my appointment with the tailors – I should weigh between 245-250 lbs., which would be as much as a twenty-seven pound loss from my last visit at the beginning of March.

    How can I achieve these short-term weight loss goals? It is simple, but not easy. I just have to stay on track and not veer from the path.

    Sometimes it is fun to dream, imagining what I could achieve if I never veered from the program. I plugged some numbers into my spreadsheet to see when I would drop to 220 lbs. losing an average of .3, .4, and .5 lb. per day. At .3 lb. per day I would weigh 219.8 on December 20. At .4 lb. per day I would weigh 220.0 on November 21. At .5 lb. per day I would weigh 220 lbs. on November 4. All it would take is dedication without faltering, and no matter which way it goes by the end of this calendar year I would be a very reasonable 220 lbs. Not a bad dream, huh? How about we try to get through the next week or two without faltering… then we can look past that.

    I have a lot of studying to do this week so most of the days I will spend either watching videos of classes or else reading. If the weather forecast for the week holds up, then a lot of that studying will be done on the balcony. It would not bother me one bit if I could smoke a couple of cigars while advancing my mind… all the while preparing for a few exams I have to take and then a couple of classes I need to be ready to teach. It should all be good fun!

    My plan is to do just that… stay on track, studying on the balcony and smoking my cigars, preparing my meal replacements as needed (and properly timed). Tomorrow, I have to go out as I have a haircut scheduled, but there is no reason for me to leave the apartment today except for taking Her Floofness for a walk. I was able to stay on track yesterday, so there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to do so again today. If I can stay on track today, then there is no reason why I cannot stay on track tomorrow. That is how I have to continue to think.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 567

    I did it. Yesterday was a success. I was able to stick to the plan I laid out in yesterday’s entry. Following breakfast I had my midday shake, then one at 5:00pm, then one directly following my class (well, and after I walked the Floof). That was it. I sat on the balcony with a cigar, plugged my ears in to watch a movie, and then shut off the world. I did not really want to speak with anyone, which worked out because Leslie’s son had come home after a week with his father, so she was with him. The other phone calls were ignored. I was able to just relax, unwind, and decompress.

    The result? Despite my inability to move my bowels again this morning (despite adding fibre to my shakes these last two days) my weight dropped a little over half a pound, allowing me to circle (if not quite cross off) the first number on my fridge… I have lost .8 lb. since I printed that sheet a few days ago. .8 down, 42 lbs. to go!

    I have some errands to run today. I have two different people who are selling me their meal replacement shakes at discounted prices. The only problem is that they are both about 30 minutes away from here, and aside from not being in the same direction (well… a little) their schedules do not line up, so I am going to meet the first around noon and the second in the late afternoon/early evening. Oh well. I might reach out to Eduardo and see if he wants to smoke because the second one is in the same town he lives in, and it would be nice to see him again… and maybe Sam.

    I am not teaching today, but I am going to keep the same schedule as I did yesterday. Mindfulness leads to success, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 500

    Five Hundred Days. I cannot believe that this journey has taken me thus far. I am disappointed that I have not done better; I am overjoyed that I have done as well as I have. Yes, I would like to have gotten to where I want to be – completely slim – but I am not unhappy with what I look like and feel like now. I will continue to try to improve, albeit less drastically.

    I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning and had not gained, nor had I lost any ground. After the last few days of weight gain (and nearly six days without a bowel movement) I am hoping that the combination of a good movement last night and kerbing my eating a little will reverse that trend. I should also mention that this morning I have had two extremely productive movements – one before and one after I weighed myself. They were not exactly easy, but they were not as difficult or as painful as the last few attempts were. I am relieved that my insides seem to have turned a corner. Literally relived.

    My main goal for today is to organize and clean my office area. I am going to try to bring a large measure of ergonomics and Zen to my workspace so that I can make my life more efficient. That will involve a lot of work that I have been putting off for a few weeks (I have had the words Clean My Desks on a Post-It note almost since I returned from Dallas) but I think today is the day. I also know that my cleaning lady is coming on Thursday, so getting it done prior to that means that she will not need to work around my clutter.

    In precisely one week I will be getting ready to drive to the airport to pick Leslie up, and I could not be more excited. I hate that we are not together always, but I also know that the wheels of government bureaucracy turn slowly, and that eventually we will be able to live together forever. Until then, these periods apart are just the commercial breaks between our wonderful times together.

    Of course, after my work in the office (really a ten-foot square corner of my living room) I will likely relax on the balcony with a book (or two) and a cigar (or three). It is a lovely day, and while a lot of friends would love to see me, I think my original plans to rest and recuperate this weekend are the right way to go. Starting tomorrow I have five long days ahead of me, and I will not have the opportunity to have a completely restful day until Saturday… and Sunday Leslie is coming!

    I have a lot of work to get done if I plan to organize and modernize my workspace, so I am going to start on that. I have looked at this corner many times these last couple of weeks and been daunted every time. I simply have to go at it and not let myself get overwhelmed. The more progress I make, the less daunting it will be. I hope to not do a half-job, because if I say to myself, ‘Look how much I’ve done! That’s enough for today, I’ll finish up later…’ then I know that it will be the end of it. I do not want that to happen.

    Something I have to start doing as I get through this is throwing things out. There are a lot of things around that might one day be useful… or not. If there is a slight possibility that I might need a ten dollar item in the future, but there is a reality now that it is contributing to my sometimes overwhelming clutter, then it will go into the garbage. If it has significant value, then I will list it for sale. However none of it is staying mixed with my production workspace or storage – it will go near the door so that when someone wants to buy it, I’ll sell it… or if nobody wants to buy it then I can donate or throw it out. It is time to eliminate clutter.

    Oh right… and I plan to eat well today. No overdoing it! I cannot believe how long it took me to put together that the rice I have been eating with my protein has contributed to my constipation! Today I will eat chicken with salad… and that’s it. I will also be done eating by 4:00pm.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 491

    Every day that I get through without veering from the program feels like another huge success… even on days when I do not see progress on the bathroom scale. There have not been too many of those fortunately, and I am thrilled with my progress. This morning I did not smash through any milestones, but my weight was down again… if only by .2 lb.. I know that down is better than up, and I am happy to be making progress… however frustrated I am by the occasional snail’s pace of it.

    Yesterday I wrote about two milestones that are fast approaching. They are coming at me so fast that I forgot that in February I set out a list of short-term goals, which I defined as goals achievable within 45-days. As of this morning (almost 95 days after I wrote those) I have two goals on that list that I have not achieved, which are:

    · Drop below 250 lbs., that major milestone that I have no recollection of honestly weighing, the half-century.

    · Drop to 230 lbs., at which point I will be classified as overweight, but no longer Obese.

    Knowing of the setbacks I had in the weeks leading up to and then following the wedding I am glad that I did not take longer to get back to positive territory, and that this is where I am at. With that said, maybe I should think of some new short-term goals that will take me into the summer. I am not rushing into that, but it will be something I give some thought to over the next week or so.

    I do not remember the last time I felt so self-conscious with a class, but I am really looking forward to saying goodbye to this group of students. I am sure they are all wonderful people, but no matter what I have done this week I have not been able to get any of them to engage. One of the reasons I always preferred teaching to live audiences in person is because I could always see the class and would know if I needed to adjust my style to keep their focus and interest. When teaching online you might have some students who engage, either in the chat window or by turning on their microphones (and even occasionally their cameras) and others who do not. The class I have been teaching this week has almost zero engagement of any sort, after our Monday morning introductions. I have no idea if they are doing the work or listening, and all I know is that when I ask if anyone is still working on labs, they occasionally say that they are. I have no way of gauging if they are enjoying the class, and I am fully expecting less-than-stellar evaluations, which is rare for me. Granted, I have been pleasantly surprised before when I have expected bad evals and discovered that they really did like me, but it is always so hard to tell. The next nine hours or so will be a mad rush to get through a lot of material, and then it will be over. Hopefully the students did appreciate the class though. I will find out tonight.

    Speaking of tonight, this evening I have a friend in from out of town. She and her beau are coming over for cigars and drinks, and weather permitting it should be a lovely time. I have not seen her in a couple of years, and it will be nice to catch up.

    Over the weekend I am going to pay a sick call to my buddy who has not been in good health the last month. He lives a couple of hours away from here, but I know that he needs a friend, and I also know that his wife is probably at her wits end taking care of him while also caring for my godchildren. It’s a long drive, but I have always said that I will go to the ends of the earth for my friends. It will also give me a good excuse to see the kids!

    My plan for today is to do my best to stay on track. I suspect that my friend will try to get me to drink with them, but I will feign… something. I will gladly enjoy cigars and conversation, but I do not want to fall off my program because of alcohol… especially knowing that I am so close to these next two milestones.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 490

    Down again! I got through my day yesterday exactly as planned. In fact, it is possible that I did somewhat better than I planned, insofar as I only had the one cup of milk tea. When I stepped onto the scale this morning I was rewarded with another significant drop of 1.4 lbs., which means that since last Sunday (the worst day of my slide, and the day I decided to get back on track) I have dropped an astonishing 16.8 lbs. in in a scant eleven days. I am extremely happy with that, and while that rate of weight loss will not continue, I will be quite happy to settle into losing 2-4 lbs. per week.

    I am within 5.5 lbs. of two major milestones. 1) I am less than one pound away from dropping below 250 lbs., which is a number I have no post-Army recollection of ever being at; 2) I am less than six pounds away from being able to say that I have lost 150 lbs., a number so staggering as to defy belief. To put that in perspective, I know adults who weigh less than that. I can honestly say that I have lost a person! Looking back at my entry from Day 2 (My Weight Loss Goals) I did not list anything for either of these feats, but that does not mean that they are not to be celebrated. On that list there are a number of things that did not happen – I am not teaching Taekwondo, and while I am jogging I am not really preparing for a marathon – there is only one weight loss goal from that day that I have not yet achieved. I wrote that when I have lost 170 lbs. I would take a picture in my Army uniform. With the changes to my body over the years I might need to lose a little more than that, but we will see. I know at least one person who is looking forward to seeing that!

    For the third day in a row I woke up at 5:45am. Unlike the previous days, I got up to pee, and was then able to get back to sleep for another hour. All in all I think I slept better last night than the previous two, and my fitness watch seems to agree, with a higher sleep score than I’ve seen in several days. While my Body Battery was also higher this morning than it has been in weeks, I see that it has since dropped (from 86 to 68/100) … and it is not yet 10:00am. No matter, I am feeling fine and I am staying the course. What I have been doing seems to be working, and I see no reason to change it for the next couple of weeks. Of course, when Leslie comes I will discuss with her what modifications I will make to my program, but that has been on the calendar for quite some time.

    There is another huge milestone that is now within sight. I am about 17 lbs. from dropping out of the Obesity Class I into the Overweight classification. That will be a huge one for me, and I am extremely excited that I might one day in the next couple of months be overweight. That might sound silly… but I have been classified as obese to morbidly obese for the last twenty-five years, and when that label no longer applies then I will be absolutely over the moon.

    My day is going about as expected. My students are currently working on labs, and I realize that I am hungry. I am not going to eat. My usual routine this week has been to wait until the lunch break (1-2pm) for my second meal replacement of the day, and I do not want to change what has been working for me. I will, however, grab my water bottle and see if I can drink my hunger away.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 434

    I found my belt! I cannot believe how relieved I am by this. I do not know if people who are not martial artists can understand the emotional attachment that we have to our belts, which were in many cases not only awarded to us, but actually wrapped around our waists by Masters and Grandmasters for whom we have such love and respect. While searching high and low for it, I went through every square inch of my apartment, but I also carefully went through the bin that contains all of my old uniforms and belts (back to my white belt), and was reminded that I have a couple of ‘doubles’ – I was working with an organization as a Second Dan Black Belt that wanted me to have a belt with their school name on it – so I am still happy to have ordered a new belt and uniform with the name of the school where I will be training for my next belt. That does not make my original belt any less special. When the new belt and uniform arrive (within the next ten days) I will happily start wearing them, and my original ones will go into the bin. With that said, I will always keep every belt and every uniform from my Taekwondo journey and will always treasure them.

    The islands are calling! This weekend will be so exciting, I can hardly wait! I finally got to the gym yesterday, and knowing how much I enjoy pushing myself, I realized it best that I set an alarm so that I do not do that. I had a 1:30pm appointment that I had to get to, and had I run longer I would have been late. I weighed the benefits of a longer jog versus fifteen minutes in the sauna. Knowing that I was also going to Taekwondo, I opted for the sauna. I hopped into my car after my shower and parked in front of my doctor’s office at 1:29pm.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 5.6km (7.4km)
    • Duration: 39:09 (53:41)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m01s (7m16s)
    • Steps: 6,075 (8,165)
    • Calories burned: 767 (1,000)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (152)

    I really screwed up when I left the house yesterday. I even wrote in my article that my plan was to: ‘…. take my meal replacement to eat after the workout (and before my appointment).’ Well, guess what? I forgot. I tried to pick up a handful of almonds, but it turns out that this is the week that Bulk Barn is moving, so their old store has closed down and the new store has not opened yet. I could have gone into a convenience store to get a bag, but decided I did not want the temptation of more than 25 almonds. I went to my doctor’s, then after that appointment I drove back to my barber (which is a few blocks from the gym, demonstrating unfortunate planning), and then came home; my second meal replacement of the day, scheduled for 1:00pm, was finally enjoyed a little after 4:00pm. The fact that I did not cheat was a testament to the advancement of my willpower.

    My diet buddy came by for a catch up and we had a shake together. While my second meal replacement was much later than usual, the third was much earlier – rather, it was exactly on time, but only a little over an hour after my second one. I will not make a habit of this. What is important is that I stay on track; moving the times when I have my meal replacements is not a problem (unless, of course, I make it too late at night). Eating more than my meal replacements could be. In any event, it was great to catch up with her. We were both surprised by how good the other looked after only what… three weeks of not meeting? Short-term goals really do lead to long-term success!

    My stomach and bowels have been giving me slight issues these last few days. I do not know if it is because of the food that I had on Saturday and then again on Sunday, or if the teaspoon of fibre that I am adding to my morning shake is doing it to me. I have had a lot of stomach cramps and gas these last few days. Yesterday afternoon I had a second bowel movement in the day (which is unusual but not unheard of for me), and then in the evening I had a third one (which is nearly unheard of). They were both loose and made me think that over the next few days I will pay closer attention to that. I do not know if it is a simple issue of ‘cleansing’ after a couple of cheat meals, or if there is something I should be focused on. For the moment I am going to just keep an eye on it, taking a wait-and-see approach. I opted to not add the usual teaspoon of fibre to my shake this morning.

    Taekwondo was interesting. I was pleasantly surprised by how well I was able to stretch! I am going to have to work on that, as well as my push-ups. That will be something I spend a little bit of time on every day. I was really disappointed by my kicking, but what was I expecting? I had not thrown a kick of any sort in eight months. I will spend a few weeks working on stretching and kicking before I try to dive into my patterns… I want to relearn them the right way, which is going to be slightly and infinitely different from how I learned them when I was seventy-five pounds heavier. It is amazing to think that I am fifty pounds lighter than I was when I tested for my Second Dan Black Belt!

    I was going to bring Princess Sophie to Eduardo’s to meet his wife today, but because of a few other things I need to do, that might put a damper on my schedule. Instead, we will go tomorrow afternoon (and I have already put that into my calendar). I am less concerned with how the wife (who loves dogs) will take to her than I am with how Evita (his cat) will. Brace yourself, it might be a very short visit.

    While it looks sunny and calm outside now, today’s weather does not look promising, with high winds predicted until 3pm, when the rain should be starting. I will not try to chance it by running outside… I will go to the gym, where I can spend much more time on the treadmill than I did yesterday (without the time restraints) … after I spend some time stretching! While I am teaching this evening, I do not have to prepare for class. There will be a few classes in the next few weeks for which I will have to prepare, but tonight’s is not one of them.

    It was only yesterday that I wrote that, ‘…I would like to reach my Best Weight Ever by Saturday morning.’ I went on to say that I was 4 lbs. from achieving that. Following a tremendous drop this morning, I am now only 1.4 lbs. from that goal! I am thrilled! How amazing is it that the next time my wife sees me I will almost certainly weigh less than any of my three wives have ever seen me at. In fact, I cannot think of any woman I have been in a serious relationship with since Shani (who I dated when I was in the Army) who has seen me at that weight. I am less than 1.5 lbs. from achieving that, and while it is possible that I will not get there by Saturday morning, it will certainly be within the next few days. That is really so exciting for me! I am jumping out of my skin, knowing that within a few days I will have no more comparative short-term goals… I will no longer be competing with my previous attempts to lose weight, rather I will just be striving to get back into better shape while losing weight.

    I keep looking at the goals that I wrote into this journal on Day 2. I wrote that I would be jogging again, at least 5 miles per day, at least 4 times per week. It took me much longer to start that than I had hoped – I had written it under ‘When I have lost 80lbs.’ – but I am certainly able to run that and am jogging nearly every day. The days when I do not hit 5 miles is usually based on time, but I can certainly do it. I also wrote that, ‘When I have lost 120lbs I will start preparing to run a marathon.’ Yes, one day I would like to run a marathon… but I have too many other things to think about before I do that. If I can keep increasing how far I can jog in a day, then I will eventually get there. It was less than a month ago that I was only able to jog 3km without stopping to walk. I am up to 11.5km now, and that will only keep improving. I wrote that, ‘When I have lost 140lbs I will resume teaching Taekwondo… hopefully in a Size 6 dobok (uniform).’ I am going to make a slight change to this one, because I do not have an organization that requires a teacher. As I approach that milestone, I am officially back at Taekwondo… and preparing for my next belt test. That preparation will take me another six months or so, but I am back at it. I am not in a Size 6 dobok, but my Size 7 dobok fits much better than it ever has before! I guess what I am saying is that the only long-term goals that are left (from my original goals) are to run a marathon, and to take a picture in my Army uniform. I am probably forty pounds from that last one… and if I do not do it, then I will move the goalposts and declare victory.

    My plans for today are to head to the gym for a good stretch, workout, then sauna. I have to try to speak with my rabbi this afternoon and am hoping that I will be able to be home from the gym in time for that. I will stay mindful, and I will remain focused, and I will keep my eyes on the prize. As is often the case after I have had bowel issues, my stomach feels a bit delicate today. I will pay attention to it just in case, but I suspect the issues are behind me… whatever might have caused them. I will do some paperwork, then I will head to the gym. In the afternoon, weather permitting, I will have a video cigar date with my wife before class time. I hope to get a good night’s sleep because I know how important that is to general well-being, not to mention weight loss. With less than 1.5 lbs. to go to that last comparative goal, I will not veer from my meal replacement program. I know that success is within reach, and failure is just one misstep toward that slippery slope.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 428

    I was prepared from the moment I opened my eyes to open today’s journal entry with words like: ‘The scale giveth, the scale taketh away.’ After a huge drop yesterday, I was certain that I would be giving some of it back this morning. I did have a good bowel movement, and I was hoping that the increase would not be too bad. I knew that if I was back above the 260 lbs. mark I would be upset. In fact, my weight dropped again! It was not a significant drop – only .2 lb. – but down is better than up.

    After coming in with Her Floofness I made my coffee and morning shake, and then was prepared to sit down at my desk and to enter my morning weight into the comparative chart from 2020… and then I realized that I do not need to do that anymore! I have surpassed that goal, and that spreadsheet is no longer relevant. I might maintain it for the next few weeks just to see how much better I do… I might even expand it to using it for the long term to see how while in 2020 I lost ground, this time I am going all the way to the top. It is probably because it is another numbers thing that I can use – I am comforted by numbers – but the truth is that whether I continue with that spreadsheet or not, I have beaten it.

    My next short-term goal is absolutely unbelievable… as so many of them have been. My previous two milestones were comparing my weight loss to that of three and six years ago… both reasonably recent, since my second divorce. I had kids, a career, all of that. My next milestone is a lot harder to conceive. I am now less than four pounds from achieving my best ever weight. When I drop below 255 lbs., I will weigh less than I did at any point in the millennium. When I last achieved that weight, I was married to my first wife, although it was the last week of our marriage. Facebook existed, but it was still only available to high school and university students. While I had passed two Microsoft certification exams, I would not earn my first senior certification until later in the year (the end of May), and it would be another year and a half before I would achieve the Microsoft Certified Trainer credential that has been the lifeblood of so much of my success. Paul Martin was Prime Minister of Canada, and George W. Bush had been sworn in for his second term the previous month. If it is not this month (today is March 23rd) then it will be very early in April when I will surpass this weight goal.

    …and then what? I am going to have to figure out another way to mark my accomplishments. I have written so often of the importance of short-term goals for weight loss success, but until now I have always had these comparisons to myself to beat. Will I simply revert to striving for decades? The 250 and 240 marks and so on are great. I am going to have to give this all some thought.

    My first next goal should be my Size-36 pants. I have seven pair of them that still do not fit, and I would like to be able to wear them comfortably. I am not going to even entertain the notion of Size-34 yet, as that is not a realistic short-term goal. I do not own a pair of them. However, it’s look at what I can realistically achieve in the next thirty days:

    • Best-Weight-Ever (255 lbs.)
    • 250 lbs. Milestone
    • Size-36 pants (all of them)
    • Jog 15km
    • 240 lbs. Milestone

    I have shortened the definition of short-term goals for this list only. Usually I have it at 45-days. On February 27 (Day 404) I set out six goals, three of which I have accomplished. Of the remaining three, two are on this list… but the third one – drop out of the Obese Class I classification into the Overweight category is still most likely outside the 30-day boundary. I will get there, and I will likely do it before the end of May (I am approximately 28 lbs. away), but to expect that kind of weight loss in thirty days is simply unrealistic.

    I did go to the gym yesterday, and I found a treadmill that seems to be more cooperative than the other ones. That is to say, it did not arbitrarily end my workout because I refuse to hold on to the sensors. My Garmin Connect app is telling me that I set a new personal record with the fasted 5k I have run yet. I strongly suspect that if I were to take the time to properly calibrate the watch to the treadmill that a lot of my paces would be wrong, this one included. I will try to remember to do that today… or at least, I will do it the next time I go to the gym, which will be today or tomorrow.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 6.02 km (10.1 km)
    • Duration: 33:05 (1:22:34)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 5m29s (8m11s)
    • Steps: 5,065 (12,795)
    • Calories burned: 720 (1,243)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (155)

    I did wake up this morning with some achiness in my knee, but that is completely gone now. I rubbed some Voltaren into it, but I suspect the pain was just my normal ‘I’ve been lying down too long and my knee hurts because of it’ issues. I will make a mental note to remember if it continues throughout the next few days. For the moment, I will continue to try to jog… and if it starts to hurt, I will listen to my body and slow down or take breaks or stop… whatever I have to do.

    I am off to the dentist now, and I have a meeting as soon as I am back. Hopefully I will be able to get some studying in, as well as a jog. It would be nice to run outside, so if the rain is not too bad then I will. Otherwise, I will go to the gym, with the ever-luxuriant post-run sauna. We’ll see.

    Once again, my plan is to stay on track. Last night some of my students were discussing McDonald’s and I was tempted to go out and have a meal… or to just defrost the steak that I have in my freezer to enjoy today. I am not going to give in to these urges and temptations just yet… but once I am below the 250 lbs. point, I might consider introducing the occasional meal. We’ll see… but not today.

    Have a great day folks!