Losing a part of me

Category: goals

  • Day 388

    The week is over, and I can relax! I was really surprised by how light-headed I was during the last 90 minutes of my class last night. I did not want to consume my final meal replacement so early in the evening, so I prepared a cup of Royal Milk Tea. As I told Leslie, I was not skimping on the caffeine. I think my body was rebelling from my deciding that G-d would not be the reason I cheated on the program… or maybe it was G-d telling me that I should have bought and eaten the damned bread. Either way, I was extremely glad that after the break I was able to assign a 45-minute lab to my students. After the break, all I needed to get through was the last half hour, and then the weekend would be mine. I also knew that Leslie was waiting for me to finish, so I had something to look forward to!

    This morning brought two very conflicting (and completely unrelated) firsts. For the first time in eleven days, my weight was up; it was the smallest amount possible that would register on my bathroom scale, but for the first time since January 30 it was neither up nor stable. It took me but a second (after stepping off the scale and checking its consistency) to remember that there will be slight ups on the journey down, and it means neither that I failed nor that I cheated… it just means that weight loss is about the downward trend, rather than about the individual plots on the graph. I made the immediate decision that this was nothing that I should worry about, and I went about my day. It should be pointed out as well that at 6:04am this morning, a Saturday on which I should have been happy to sleep in, my eyes popped open, and were not at all interested in closing again. I finally decided to get out of bed and start my day at 6:30am, which is unusual for a Saturday… more so for a Saturday following a week like the one I just finished.

    I think my readers will agree that the second of these firsts is much more significant. In fact, some might call it monumental. On Day 2 of my journey, I set out goals for myself. One of them was: “When I have lost 80lbs I will be jogging again, at least 5 miles per day, at least 4 times per week.” That did not happen. I did start fitness-walking, which I felt was equally beneficial. That does not change the fact that I enjoy jogging, but I am so often reminded how hard it can be on the body – especially the knees. I did not set out with the intention of doing so, but this morning, as HRF Princess Sophie and I set out for her walk, I decided to start jogging. I did not decide that ‘you know what. Later today I will jog.’ In the very minute that I made the decision I started jogging. I was not going to shatter any records, but I was going to get the aerobic exercise along with my usual steps. Despite yesterday’s mild snowfall, the sidewalks were dry, but I knew that I would likely come across parts that were still icy, and I would stop my jogging for those stretches. I also stopped when we came across other doggies and their owners… and of course I had to pick up after her, so that was obvious. According to my fitness watch tracking, it might be the slowest mile ever run… the pace was over 18 minutes per kilometre. That does not matter… It was my first jog, and it was with my dog. By the end of this week, weather permitting I will be out there for at least a 5km jog in proper gear!

    I probably have the lowest resting hear rate of anyone I know. I do not know how accurate the data on my iPhone Health app is, but it is telling me that over the last month, my average resting heart rate is 58bpm. It has been measured at the doctor’s office around that as well. I am wondering if that is why, over the last week when I was hardly active at all, I did not lose any significant amount of weight. Is it possible that it is only when I am able to get my heart rate up that my metabolism kicks in to start dropping? That is something that I will pay attention to. For the next two weeks, unless something falls into my lap, I am only teaching in the evenings, which means that I will have the time to go to the gym – and possibly even go for a couple of outdoor jogs if the weather cooperates – and I will see how my weight loss is affected. How cool would it be if I do lose a lot of weight due to activity? My first step will be on every dry morning, rather than putting on my winter boots I will put on trainers, and Her Floofness and I will jog together… with her frequent stops during which I will usually jog in place.

    The weather today is dry and chilly but warming up a bit in the afternoon. I have to help a friend (really a friend of a friend) with their computer this morning, but I will be back mid-afternoon, and my wife and I have a cigar date planned. It will be wonderful to sit on the patio (possibly wearing sunglasses) and chatting with my baby. Even if I have to turn the heater on, I am optimistic that this weather is a sign of things to come. Many Canadians have been bitten by these hopes, so don’t expect me to change out my winter tyres just yet!

    I will stay on track today, and tomorrow morning the bathroom scale will remind me that I was right to not get discouraged by the very minor blip that was today. Even now, as my hear rate is still elevated slightly an hour after my first jog in years, I can feel the weight coming off!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 386

    The last couple of days I have found I am a bit weak at times during the day, even when I am taking my meal replacements when I am supposed to. I suspect the ridiculously long days with almost no break in between is a contributing factor. I know that I am able to get by without an issue on the 900 calories (plus my usual pot of coffee) per day because I have done it before – I was doing just fine before I went to Dallas, and I did it just fine for several days after returning from Dallas. I think it is the grueling schedule that is starting to get to me. I was offered a daytime contract for next week which I turned down because they wanted to pay me a very low amount. My reasons for turning it down were because I did not want to undervalue myself, and I did not want either the company or the broker to think that I was going to have a fire sale on my rates. I am glad now that I turned it down for another reason… I need to catch up on my rest. This week is hard on me, and knowing that I would be signing up for the same grueling schedule for two weeks in a row… I made the right decision. I did joke with Leslie that I turned it down because I had a haircut scheduled… but it was definitely more than that.

    I am happy about one thing though. Monday and Tuesday I was lecturing from 9:00am through 10:00pm without any real break. Yesterday afternoon my daytime class finally started doing labs, which means that between the lectures, I do get a bit of a respite from speaking.

    We are counting down the days again. In exactly twenty-eight days I will be flying to Dallas, and once again I will be with my wife. I know that we truly miss each other when we are apart… even though I suspect I occasionally get on her nerves when I am always there! It is my plan to not book any daytime classes for the two weeks that my trip span – I am there for two days, spanning Thursday to Sunday – because while I will have to teach Monday, Wednesday, and the two Fridays… at least I will be able to spend most of my time with her and not in front of a class. I am turning down those two weeks of work so that I can spend as much time with my wife as possible.

    I am excited that I have booked my appointment with the tailor for their next visit to Canada. March 1st I will go to get measured, and then (with Leslie on video chat) I will pick out a few new shirts, pants, vests, and probably a sports jacket. One of my main goals at the very beginning of this journey was to need a new wardrobe… and custom-tailored shirts and jackets are just what the doctor ordered. By then I will at least be under 280 lbs., and while it will hopefully not be the last time I shrink out of my wardrobe, I suspect it will be my penultimate time. I did write on Day 2 in My Weight Loss Goals that: ‘When I have lost 100lbs I will be changing out my wardrobe again… Goodbye 2XL, hello XL (and the size 40 (0r 38) pants.’ Well, I have lost over 100lbs., and I am in my XL shirts and Size 38 pants… but now I want to modify that goal from over a year ago. I have, as I mentioned before, changed how I dress for work. Gone are my polo shirts and pullovers. I wear a jacket and tie every day, and I feel great about that. While I do have several suits, shirts, pants, and a sports jacket that fit me, I want to start planning for my next fifty pounds. I will be picking upbeat shirts that suit my style, and after yesterday’s experience wearing my vest, I plan to integrate at least a couple of those into my wardrobe. I want to look great for my classes and for my wife… and for myself as well. There are costs involved with losing weight, and I could spend that money on t-shirts and off-the-rack clothes… or I can spend a little more and really be stylish.

    The bathroom scale threw me a bone this morning. I lost .2 lb. from yesterday (and the previous day). I know I have to be patient, and that every ounce dropped is progress. Still, I really do want to get to the finish line… at which point I will be jogging in place for the rest of my life. I know I have to be realistic, and to set realistic short-term goals. For the next month, I am setting the following goals:

    1. By March 1 (the day I go to the tailor) I would like to weigh under 280 lbs. so if I can lose five pounds in three weeks I will be there.

    2. By March 9 (the day I fly to Dallas) I would like to weigh under 275 lbs. so that I can at least have another noticeable difference when Leslie sees me.

    3. During my ten-day trip to Dallas (during which I will be back on my modified program) I would like to gain no more than two pounds.

    That will take me six weeks out from today. If, on March 20 (the day after I fly home from Dallas) I weigh under 275 lbs. then I will be happy. Looking at my spreadsheet comparing 2020 to now, that would have me under five pounds behind my pace from my previous journey. I am being conservative with my goals for now, and hope that next week, when I can get back into the gym and start moving again, my current stagnant pace will pick up some more. Until I see what results I get from that, I am going to stick with these very conservative hopes… but I will not fall off the program!

    It is raining this morning. HRF Princess Sophie took one look outside and planted her paws just inside the threshold. While it is warming up significantly today, the rain will be constant all day. The winds will be picking up in the evening, which might impede my tentative plans to enjoy a cigar on the balcony with Leslie. We will see, but that might have to wait for the weekend. I am hoping that she (HRF) does not get too antsy during the day and lets me take her outside during one of my two short breaks… my lunchtime will be taken up by my appointment with my therapist, and that is very important. Hopefully as well, the neighbour might knock on my door and say, ‘can Sophie come over to play?’ for a bit. I love her and she is very well behaved, but if she steps out for a few hours during the day I will not be upset.

    Two things that I have been doing differently from all of the other times I was dressing up is that I am wearing undershirts every day, and as soon as I take my shirt, jacket, and/or pants off, I hang them up properly. These two steps are significantly reducing how often I have to get them dry cleaned. With that said, I do plan to take all of my shirts except one, and all of the pants (which is only three pair) to the dry cleaner this evening. When I get them back, I want to come up with a system that will let me track what I have worn when and how many times. During a five-day class, I want to make sure I am not repeating my outfit. I know that with my sport jacket that will not be avoidable, but the shirt and tie combination will be much easier to rotate. I do have another sports jacket (which I decided to wear this morning, midway through this paragraph) which I can include, but there are a few reasons why it is not among my favourites… not the least of which is that it is off the rack from Sears. I cannot believe that I, of all people, and turning into a clothes snob! My sister, who used to make fun of me for wearing logo shirts always and looking like a walking advertisement, would be shocked. There is the odd occasion that I miss having her in my life.

    Okay, the plan for today is to stay on track. How many times have I said that? I am thrilled that for the last month I have done just that! I weigh seventeen pounds less than I did a month ago, but during that time I transitioned from my modified program to the full-fast program, and there was the expected initial sharp drop, which will now be followed by the slow and steady decline. If I lose the conservative two pounds per week then I will achieve my abovementioned goals. All I have to do is stay on track.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 361 (fixed)

    .2 of a pound. Two tenths – one fifth of a pound to go! After yesterday’s .4 lb. drop, I said that if I repeat that same drop every day for the next four, I would meet my goal of losing one hundred pounds in one year. Honestly, when I woke up this morning, I was hoping for that consistency. Instead, I registered a 1.4 lb. drop, which left me .2 of a pound shy of that amazing milestone. To put that in perspective: my bathroom scale records changes in .2 increments… which means that the next drop of any size will put me at or past that milestone. I am really excited about that!

    Yesterday, I decided to get right into the face of temptation. As my friend was contemplating her lunch order, I strongly and persistently encouraged her to order the Buffalo wings. I should mention that this particular pub has some of the best wings you will ever have; as Liz debated with herself, she spent quite some time describing just how big they are, and she does not know how they do it. My mouth was watering, and I tried to convince her to do it. I should mention that in the last year I have lost the equivalent of her body weight… and I have to lose nearly another one of her in the next year. I say this to underscore that she is a very petite woman. It was only when I explained that I would not be eating that she decided to order the Greek salad. With that, my testing my ability to resist temptation was foiled not by failure, but by forfeit of the other side, rather than my own surrender.

    In the end, I did walk the kilometre to the pub, and then back again. Liz and her boyfriend offered to drive me home; despite the chilly temperatures, it was a gorgeous sunny day, so I decided to hoof it. According to my fitness watch, I did more walking yesterday than I have any day since Sunday… and possibly more than a couple of days combined. It was a good opportunity to get some steps in, knowing that I have not been to the gym since last weekend. When I got home, I took twenty minutes to answer a couple of emails (or at least to compose them… I am going to reread one of them before sending it, and I know that my response is not expected over the weekend anyways). I then drove to Oakville to have coffee with a friend who I used to teach Taekwondo with. It was good to catch up with him – I have not seen him since 2014.

    I got home from that meeting after 6:00pm and realized that I had only had two meal replacements. I prepared my third one immediately, knowing that, once again, I would only be having four shakes on the day. While I know that it is bad form, and never recommended by the doctors who monitor the program, it is my reality over the last four days. I decided this morning that if I am only getting four shakes in anyways, I have just enough Canadian meal replacements in the cupboard to make the jump to them today. Tomorrow morning, I will make the drive into Toronto to pick up my new stock of shakes, which should energize me to stay on track. Also, if I buy a four-week supply (so that I do not need to go back to Scarborough for a month) then I will have too much to put away in my cupboards, which means I will always see it… so when I do get peckish, before I think to go into the fridge or pantry for a treat, the shakes will be in my face. By the way, because I did not have my third meal replacement until after 6:00pm, I forced myself to have my fourth shake at 9:30pm, even though I usually do not like to eat that late. There’s a difference between eating only 700 calories in a day and eating fewer than 500 calories. One is too little, the other is ridiculous and probably unhealthy.

    My plan for today is to visit with my buddy. Depending on how we are both feeling (and what the weather ends up doing), we might sit outside and smoke a cigar, or we might just sit inside and talk. The last week or so has been a combination of bitter cold and snow… and with the fact that I taught all day every day (and 9am-10pm Tuesday and Thursday), I have not been in the mood to sit outside… even with the heater going. Eduardo and I smoked in his condo Friday night, but that’s not the same as bundling up to sit outside. However, if my buddy is in the mood, that is what we will do. I know he wants to hear more about the program I am on, and the clinic that I originally went to for it. I do not know if the program will be right for him, but I will happily tell him all about it. The more I think about it, the more I think I might put off going to see him for a few days. I am just not feeling very motivated, nor very conversational. I know, I can help him… and he might be able to comfort me. I just do not think I feel like talking, and I do not know that I really want anyone’s comforting right now. Tomorrow I am tentatively going out to see my buddy in Cambridge, and I know that with him, I can either talk… or not. We might just sit there smoking cigars and watching TV. I just do not think I am ready to open up about what is going on.

    In the next few days – maybe even today – I am going to go through my entire wardrobe and start making piles… things that no longer fit because they are too big (or frankly things that I do not think will look good on me) are immediately going into a donation bin. Things that do not fit yet will go into bins (although knowing that I am less than 35 lbs. from my best weight in the past 30 years, this will likely not fill an entire bin anymore), and things that currently fit and are fashionable. It is strange that I have to do this again. This morning as I was getting dressed, I realized that the button-down shirt that I usually wear is hanging to dry after last night’s laundry… and then I remembered that I have a few other shirts that might fit. Sure enough, another Polo shirt that is smaller by quite a bit than the pink (salmon?) one that I have been wearing fits perfectly. I looked at the shirts hanging and counted at least six of them that I have not worn in three years because they did not fit. It is time once again to make more room in my closet… and at the same time, I can look at what is left in the bins of ‘do not fit yet’ – from the bins that I separated out almost a year ago – and do a bit of cleaning. If there are fewer than 40 t-shirts in that bin I would be surprised, and a lot of them are going to go to charity.

    It was January 30th when I first sorted those bins, and the stack of five bins has been in the corner of my room since then. That will come to an end today. If all goes well, I will be down to one bin of ‘does not fit yet’ and one bin of Taekwondo uniforms and belts from years (and schools) past. The first of these bins will stay put where it is. The rest of them will go into my storage locker downstairs, empty except for the one with my Taekwondo kits. While I am still nearly ninety pounds from my ultimate goal, as of this morning I am 34.8 lbs. heavier than I was the morning of September 27, 2020. That morning I weighed less than I have any day since 2005.

    As I have taken that stock right now, I decided to look at my numbers (today compared to my best day from 2020). Keep in mind that aside from the weight, these measurements are measured by a scale that cost $30 on Amazon and might not be completely accurate. With that said, the scale from 2020 and from today are the same make and model, so as inaccurate as they may be, those inaccuracies should be consistent.

    Today (January 15, 2023) September 27, 2020
    Weight 295.2 lbs. 260.4 lbs.
    BMI 37.9 33.4
    Body Fat 33.4% 29.7%
    Muscle Mass 169.8 159
    Basal Metabolic Rate 2280 2072

    I am not quite there… but I am not nearly as far as I was when I started out almost a year ago… or even a month ago. To be clear, the September 2020 numbers are not my goal. They will, however, act as my next major milestone once I have surpassed that 100-pounds-lost mark (hopefully tomorrow or Tuesday morning). I realized today that once I do achieve this milestone, I had no plans for the next one. Of course, I still have the decades (290, 280, 270…), but those are minor ones. The major ones are bigger and should be recognized… if not celebrated. I was speaking with a friend yesterday who told me that once I achieve something (which had nothing to do with weight loss) then it will be a cause to celebrate. In my current state of sadness (I am intentionally not using the word depression), I told him that it would not be a cause to celebrate, it would be just one more thing to recognize that I should have accomplished much sooner in life. Milestones are important though, whether they are celebrations or not.

    When I set out on this journey, I looked at my end goal – a 180-pound weight loss – it was daunting, out of reach, and completely unrealistic. On Day 2 – Friday, January 21, 2022, or about 360 days ago (looking at the math, I suspect I misnumbered a day, and my Day 362 of today might be off by a day!? I’ll go back and look later) – I set out major goals to accomplish at the 20, 40, 80, 100, 120, 140, and 170 pounds-lost mark. Some of them I accomplished – especially with regard to the sizes of my clothes and my wardrobe. I wrote at the time that I would begin jogging again at the 80-pounds mark, and that did not happen. Instead, when I had lost about fifty pounds, I started doing a lot of walking. I see that I hoped that when I was down 120 lbs. I would be ready to run a marathon. That is not realistic. I would have to start jogging first – and while I will, I think weight training at the gym is more of a priority. I don’t know if I will resume teaching Taekwondo, as I had set out as a goal for the 140-pounds mark, but I do hope to get into the Size 6 dobok (uniform) by then… and start working toward my next belt. The last of my goals was for when I have lost all of the weight – I had written 170 lbs. at the time, which would get me to 225 lbs. – I said I would put on my Army uniform and take pictures. That one is still achievable… I am just on the fence about whether I am going to do it or not.

    It has been about a year since I wrote those goals. While I am about to reach the fourth of the markers I set out for my goals, I think it time I start thinking about what the actual new goals should be. My life is not where I thought it would be a year ago – or a month ago for that matter – so while I still plan to continue losing weight and achieving my ultimate goal of being slim and trim (whatever the number on the scale might be), I guess I have to take a long hard look at things and take stock again. It is not what I thought I would be doing… but like John Lennon said, life is what happens while we are busy making other plans.

    I have been sitting at my desk for the last four hours. I have not been writing this entire time, but it is time to get cracking and do whatever I play to do for the rest of the day. I might just go out for a drive in the country – it is a beautiful, sunny day, and that would give me an opportunity to just put my music on and clear my head. In fact, I think that is exactly what I am going to do.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 357, 4:45 – 6:00pm

    I have gotten through much of the day so far, and while there have been challenging moments of hunger, I really think they were all in my mind. In fact, I feel hungry right now… even though I just finished my third meal replacement shake of the day. They have not been spaced out evenly, but I am confident now that I will make it through the day without faltering. I always expected that Day 1 of the regimen would be the hardest of them, so the fact that I now feel confident that I will get through the day, I feel better that my plan to spend at least a week (and possibly longer) on the strict program can actually succeed. Tomorrow will likely be easier, as I am again working from 9:30am through 9:30pm. The busier I am, the less likely I am to succumb to temptation out of boredom. The weekend will be the challenge, starting Friday night. I have decided that I will break with tradition and will not buy my challah to say my prayers. I will have a sip of wine, but I will literally pour the smallest drop allowable for the prayers.

    When I started on the program the last two times, I was starting from nothing… and from my heaviest weight. Both of those times I lost around fifteen pounds in the first week. I do not expect anything like that this time; the more you weigh, the easier it is to take off a lot at the beginning. That does not mean that I would be displeased to lose ten pounds from now to next Wednesday… but I will be happy if I can lose even six pounds. It is a coincidence that my next appointment with the doctor is Wednesday next week, but I do look forward to seeing the look on Nurse Mel’s face when she sees that I am at least three (and hopefully more) kilograms down. Not for nothing, but I really hope that is a very conservative estimate. Ten pounds is about 4.5kg… and I am already almost four pounds (1.8kg) down (according to my bathroom scale) from what I weighed last week when I last weighed in.

    My day is nearing its end. I started writing this nearly an hour ago but had to stop when class resumed. My students are once again working on labs, so I can finish up. I have had three meal replacements shakes today (8:30am, 1:15pm, 4:30pm), which means that if I want to, I can have two more shakes without veering from the strict parameters of the program. I will likely have one after I take Princess Sophie for a walk, so around 6:30pm. If I feel the need, I will have my last one around 9:30pm… but if I do not need it, I will not drink it. If I do drink it, then my daily caloric intake, excluding three cups of coffee with almond milk and a small amount of raw sugar, will be 800 calories. I put about half a teaspoon in each cup of coffee, which means that three cups would have 22 calories in them. I would be more concerned with the 4g of carbohydrates than with the calories. I know that a cup of my almond milk has 60 calories and 8g of carbohydrates, so the amount that I use for three cups of coffee it would be around 10 calories and less than 2g of carbohydrates. If I can maintain this cadence for a week or two, it is conceivable that I could lose 15 lbs. before the end of January. More exciting, if I lose six pounds in the next seven days, I will have lost 100 lbs in the year. I just realized that now, and that is going to give me the encouragement to make it happen!

    Okay, my class is over. I forgot that I have to run into downtown Burlington quickly to pick something up, so I will not be having my evening shake until at least 7:00pm. Honestly, the later I have Shake #4, the less likely I am to have Shake #5.

    Have a great evening folks!

  • Day 355

    Today is the first day of a very busy teaching week. I am excited about it, and raring to go! Last night I set an alarm for 7:00am, even though the class is not meant to start until 10:00am. I also made the decision to wear a shirt and tie for the day; so that I did not forget in my morning haze, I pulled a shirt out of the closet and hung it on the door of my armoire. I was asleep by 11:15, which meant that I would be close to the prescribed eight hours of sleep we should get to function well.

    At 4:15am I woke up to pee. This is nothing new. Unfortunately, the reality of the emotional stress that I am going through hit me, and I could not clear my head. I probably spent an hour trying to fall back asleep. When my alarm went off this morning I should have been chipper and well-rested. The things in my life that are haunting me took care of that. I am awake, but not nearly as well-rested as I had hoped. Maybe tomorrow, right?

    I followed my usual morning rituals, but as I went through them all, I was stressing about what the numbers on the scale would say. I have been good this past week, and yet I have not made any progress. I also started to wonder idly how much my thick beard weighs… but of course I know that is poppycock, and irrelevant. After I showered and dried off, I stepped onto the scale and… yes! I am down significantly from yesterday. I am only a couple of ounces above my best-weight-yet from Thursday. If I follow the plan today, I should be down further tomorrow, right? Unfortunately, that is where I usually get into trouble. Expecting that eating properly and not veering from my routine will always show results. I wonder how much the stress and anxiety is affecting my weight loss as well… that goes back to the beginning of December, and my weight has not dropped significantly in that time. Actually, it has… it has dropped and then bounced back up several times. Stress, anxiety, holidays. Plateau.

    The good news is that I was in fact able to secure a legitimate and consistent source for my meal replacement. They are the Canadian ones, which means I have the choice between chocolate and vanilla shakes. It also means that they have higher caloric value, and that I am supposed to take them less frequently (900 calories per day in four meal replacements, as opposed to the American system of 800 calories per day in five). Of course, with my modified program (which includes a single meal per day), I will usually have three meal replacements instead of four… but sometimes I might hold it to two.

    Speaking of modifications, I am really not enjoying the almond milk that I have been taking in my coffee. It is not undrinkable, and I am not throwing out the better parts of two litres of it and running to the supermarket to buy dairy milk. When I get to the end of this container, I will not buy more almond milk. I might consider trying other milk-substitutes, but I might also go back to cow juice. We’ll see when the time comes.

    It feels good to be wearing a shirt and tie for my class this morning. It is also nice to be at my desk (which I did indeed change around yesterday, as planned) a full ninety minutes before class starts. In part that is thanks to the time zone shift – the class I am delivering is on Central Daylight Time, so the 9:00am -5:00pm is actually 10-6 for me. That works well most days, except for Tuesday and Thursday; on those days, I am starting a class on the EDT time zone immediately after the daytime class ends, which means I will be going from 10:00am – 9:30pm without much of a break. Fortunately, there is coffee… and I have a healthy supply of lozenges to get my voice through it.

    As expected, I have enough chicken to make lunch today and tomorrow… although tomorrow’s will be a single piece only. My plan is to prepare my meal to cook during the morning break, and then run to turn on the air fryer 25 minutes before lunchtime. That will be today and tomorrow. For Wednesday, as I mentioned yesterday, I am thinking of starting the full un-modified program, which means five meal replacements and no meals. I do not plan to do it for long, but it will be good to kick my progress back on track. The only concession I will make to that is I am not cutting out my coffee… certainly not during a week that I am teaching.

    There are only nine days to go before the one-year mark of my program, and I am still about seven pounds away from my goal of losing one hundred pounds in that time. I am confident that if I stick to the full program for the next ten days, I will meet that goal. For now, my next milestone – dropping below the 300-pounds mark – has been so tantalizingly close for so long, and yet just out of my grasp. My intent is to hit it this week. Wish me luck.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 329

    As difficult as life is right now, yesterday was a success. I stuck to my eating plan (absolutely no cheating). I worked out with my trainer (which was a bit uncomfortable because I forgot my shorts, which meant I had to work out in my very tight Size 40 jeans). Eduardo threw me a curve when he told me he wanted to watch the football match at a resto-bar, which had me worried. While I briefly considered ordering a bowl of chicken gumbo, the staff was unable to provide me with the nutritional information, so I decided to abstain, and drank coffee all afternoon. Argentina won, so I was extremely happy.

    I came home to a happy puppy (who spent the afternoon at Charlie’s playing) and had a short cigar on the balcony. At about 5:00pm, I came into the apartment, changed my shirt, warmed up my coffee, and started my class. I hope my students feel that it went well. I am confident I am a good instructor, but I am always worried that someone will not like my style. I will ask the students today to let me know if there is anything they want me to change.

    The shirt I changed into is a button-down shirt that I bought fifteen years ago that has a Microsoft Certified Trainer logo on it. I do not think I have worn it in thirteen years and know that for much of that time it did not fit… save for the two brief periods when I had lost weight. I consider being able to comfortably wear a shirt that did not fit be before a non-scale victory, and this week I need to look for those to keep myself on track.

    Yesterday was a very good day for achievements. I worked out, I resisted all temptation at the sports bar, and I stuck to my meal plan religiously. What do I get for that? The opportunity to do it all over again today, except today I’ll be going to Eduardo’s to watch the second semi-final match between France and Morocco. I should be able to resist the temptation to eat whatever he tries to put in front of me, as long as I eat my lunch at home before I go over there. If I do that, then I can get there, light a cigar, and tell him ‘Sorry, I’ve already eaten.’ That is my plan.

    I hope I can follow through. The days left in 2022 are dwindling, and with every cheat, so are my chances of achieving those two milestones that are so close and yet so far: The 300-pound mark, and the 100-pounds-lost mark. There is an old saying: Aim for the stars, and if you miss you can still hit the moon. Would it be so bad to lose only 95 pounds in the calendar year? Maybe not… as long as I can finish off that hundred by the 1-year anniversary of my embarking on the journey.

    I should mention that while I seem despondent for not getting a reward for my weight management success, I did lose a significant amount of weight on the bathroom scale as of this morning. With a three-pound drop from yesterday, I am once again within spitting distance of best-weight-yet territory. I am also back to needing to drop less than four pounds of hitting the 300-pound milestone, and within nine pounds of hitting the 100-pounds-lost milestone. I am beginning to think that all of these might be doable again; I also know that if I do not stay focused and true to my weight management program, I will not be achieving my goals. That is key. Stay focused, stay true. That will be my mantra for the rest of the year.

    While I did stay true to the program yesterday, I will mention that I had my last meal replacement shake much later than I am comfortable with. Following the end of my class, I sat outside and tried to smoke a cigar. I knew exactly how many cups of coffee I drank yesterday, and doubted I would be able to fall asleep quickly, so why not? I selected a cigar that turned out to not be enjoyable, so I put it down after fifteen minutes. I came into the apartment and made that last shake after 10:00pm, which is much later than usual for me. While it seems to have had no effect on my weight loss this morning (it is hard to imagine I would have lost even more weight for skipping it), I did wake up in the morning and was immediately hungry. For as long as I can remember, eating late at night has had that effect on me. It was not a debilitating, must eat now hunger, but it was a noticeable pang as I went through my morning ritual. More than anything, that is why I try to not eat after 8:30pm.

    My plans for the day are simple: I am going to Eduardo’s condo to watch the football, and I do not want to go there hungry. I will prepare and eat my lunch (my only meal of the day) a little earlier than usual so that I know I will be fine for the afternoon. After the match, I have my next (and I think my last) session with my personal trainer at 5:00pm, which means that I will have to skip out from Eduardo’s pretty quickly to get there. Again, if the game goes to extra time, I will have to be mindful of the clock. Getting to the gym a few minutes late might not have the professional implications of arriving to class late, but it is disrespectful, and I try to be on time. Unlike with the Argentina match, if I have to leave early, it will not pain me.

    If I can stay on the path for another few days, there is a good chance that I can get back into best-weight-ever territory by the weekend… and that is being very conservative. Really, I am less than a pound from that, and it is not uncommon for me to lose that in a day or two when I stick to the plan religiously. That is my goal… if I can actually get there in a day or two, then by Monday or Tuesday next week, I might be at the 300-pound milestone, which would give me just under two more weeks to get to that magical 100-pounds lost before New Years goal. As they say, hope is not a strategy. If I stick to my program for both food intake and exercise, then I can do it. If I do not, then I likely will not. I just have to keep going in the right direction and do my best.

    I am still not sleeping as well as I would like. I have things going through my mind that I keep analyzing and over-analyzing and trying to keep them from overwhelming my mind is exhausting. The new mattress is comfortable, but it is not the bedding that is the problem. The problem is my life, and some parts of that are harder to keep controlled than others.

    I am glad to see that my potential for contract work has gone up recently. I have another interview today, and I am hoping it goes well. There are a few contracts that I am still waiting on but should confirm shortly. If they do not, then I will be going into the holiday break with a great deal of uncertainty weighing on my mind. I am hoping that does not happen.

    Okay, it is time to get back into a positive frame of mind so that I can go into that interview and wow them. After that, I will prepare my lunch so that I can then head over to Eduardo’s without worrying about being tempted.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 324

    Yesterday was the first day that I remember that I did not eat or drink anything off my program. I had a meal replacement shake for breakfast, my usual lunch, a meal replacement shake in the afternoon and that was it. It was my intention to have another shake in the evening, but I got distracted; by the time I realized I was allowed one more, it was 11:15pm, and I have never been happy the following morning when I had something to eat late at night. Princess Sophie spent the evening at Charlie’s next door, so she had a good time. I am still very down but trying to get focused.

    I started the day yesterday optimistic. That did not last. I had a lot of work to do, so it was three o’clock by the time I got up and went out. I had to go back to the lab to get more blood drawn. I was going to get an x-ray of my knee, but by the time I was done at the lab, the radiologist was not taking any more patients for the day. I guess I have another trip to make down there before my next doctor’s visit, which is in two weeks. I did drop my prescription for the anti-inflammatories off at the pharmacy, for when I am going to run out.

    When I came home, I realized that the video I had been downloading for my learning was complete, but I had accidentally recorded it (and the last two) without sound, which means that I have to start over from the beginning. Crap. I started it again and will be done in a few more days. Just one more thing that went wrong this week.

    I got an interesting offer for a contract today, which would have been a great opportunity. It would actually have been a full-time job with a company that would in turn have been contracting me to another company. The problem is that the opportunity started with ‘Are you willing to relocate to New York City?’ While I would be for the short term, I am hoping that once my visa comes through, I will be relocating to Texas to live with my wife. The search continues.

    I did accomplish all of the goals I set out for myself today. It took longer than I thought to properly translate my CV into French. Once it was done, I sent it off… or at least I thought I did. A couple of hours later, my contact responded that there was no attachment. Sigh, how often have we done that? Okay, it is sent.

    Today’s plan is to stick to the program again. Eduardo and I had discussed going to the sports bar to watch the World Cup, but when we talked in the evening, I think I convinced him that watching it at his apartment with cigars was a better plan. The real method to my madness is that at his apartment, I am less likely to cheat. I will bring a meal replacement shake with me, and a few cigars. If Eduardo does entice me with food, I know that it will be relatively healthy, and that I can control the portions.

    I have given some thought these last few days to revising my program to be orthodox – five meal replacements per day, no other food. If I cannot get through the next few days without cheating, then I am going to drop the hammer on myself and do that. I hope it does not come to that. If I can get back on the downward weight trend, losing weight consistently, then I will not have to do that… yet. It is a tool that I have in my arsenal in case I cannot get back on track. I know that if I want to force myself back on track at some point, it will be there.

    The bathroom scale was, once again, quite kind to me. I know that is because I was strict on my program, but I also know that there have been days when I have been good, and still unhappy the following day. As it stands, I am now .2 lb. from tying my best-weight-yet, and I am now 8.2 lbs. from achieving my goal of losing one hundred pounds in the year 2022. With three weeks left to go, I am hoping and praying that I will be able to stay true to the program, and actually achieve that goal.

    Speaking of goals, I am going to add a second one to my short-term list. While the New Year is three weeks away, the one-year anniversary of my embarking on this journey is forty-two days away. I would like to be able to claim a 50 kg loss in that time. The difference between 100 lbs. and 50 kg is little over 10 lbs… or 4.7 kg. That means that I have 12 kg to lose in just over 40 days… 26.5 lbs. Can I do it? Maybe… but it will be a challenge. I am going to try for it, but if I do not succeed, then I will at least not be a total failure; to lose 47kg in a year is still no mean feat!

    I am off to watch the football. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 312

    Yesterday was a very relaxing day for us. I prepared an omelette for breakfast, and we shared the leftover challah roll from the previous evening’s Shabbat blessings. I then enjoyed a cigar on the balcony in the morning as Leslie sat knitting. We did not need the heater on which is impressive for November 26 in this part of the world. We took a very relaxing afternoon nap together, which is something we both enjoy tremendously!

    We spent the evening at Lyle and Dorothy’s, together with Rob and his wife Pippa. It was a lovely evening, and as always, the food was spectacular… even though both Lyle and Dorothy were not pleased with the presentation of their parts of the meal. Just sitting and socializing was nice, but the food (and the dessert) was quite tasty!

    After charging it the previous evening, I forgot to don my fitness watch in the morning, so my long walk with Princess Sophie did not get registered. If that is the worst thing that happened in a day, then I am considering it a win! I do not care that Garmin thinks I only walked 2500 steps in a day… we know better!

    Today is Leslie’s last full day in town. Tomorrow afternoon I have to drive her to the airport, and we will be facing yet another month-long separation, which is always hard for both of us. I am glad that she will be back in time to welcome in the New Year, but our time apart keeps getting harder and harder. I pray that in the new year, the Department of State will finally see fit to approving my spousal visa so that we can live together forever.

    On tap for today… not much. I think we are going to have a fairly quiet day close to home. If there is anything that we decide to do then we will, but our main focus will be on being together and maximizing our time together. The forecast calls for a high of 6° Celsius, and for rain much of the day. We have plenty of food in the house, both ready to prepare and leftovers, so unless there is something that really piques her fancy, we will likely eat in.

    Tomorrow afternoon I will with a heavy heart drive my wife to the airport, and then I will drive to Milton to hang out with Eduardo. He bought a mezuzah, and I will hang it for him and say the proper blessings for that. Tuesday morning, I will start my new regimen of going to the gym nearly every day. No, I will not commit to going every day, but most days. Now that my concerns about my knee (as well as the excruciating pain) are behind me, I can get into beast mode. No, I am not going to push myself too hard… but I will be combining aerobic and anaerobic exercises to get my slimmer body back into shape. I will also, after the leftovers are gone, be going back onto my religious food intake program that I was doing so well with… and there will be no cheating for the entire month that Leslie is in Dallas. I am relieved that the weight that I gained during my knee issues and her visit has been minimal, and I look forward to attacking that best-weight-ever territory again… once I have lost about six pounds. My food intake and my workout regimen will make that a reality, and while the 50 kg year is looking more and more unlikely, the 100 lbs. lost in the year is still very much on the table. It is important to set goals in my weight loss. It is also important to remember them every time I am tempted to cheat.

    I am going to see if Leslie is awake, and if she is not then I will sit on the balcony with a cigar. If she is awake, I will spend more quality time with her. She needed the rest, so I let her sleep in (and prevented Princess Sophie from interrupting that as well).

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 251

    On this, the second day of Rosh Hashana, I woke up and told my wife, ‘I am going to walk ten kilometres today.’ I have not come close on any walk in Dallas so far, but the temperatures were not too bad – it was in the high seventies when I started, and probably up to 85° Fahrenheit by the time I was done. I looked at Leslie and told her that if I was going to go, now was the right time to head out, before it got too hot.

    The only record that I broke today was my distance walked in Dallas, not really a measurement I track religiously. Leslie joked with me that my average pace was over 10:00/km, so what’s the use. We had a good laugh about that.

    • Distance: 10km (7.5km)
    • Duration: 1:40:51 (1:13:40)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:03 (9:49)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 9m40 (9m28s)
    • Steps: 12.7k (9.2k)
    • Calories burned: 1,203 (941)
    • Elevation gain: 47.5 (34)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 126 (126)

    There’s no question that I was a bit slower today than usual, and I am not sure why that was. I know that I did a couple of double-backs to wait for red lights, but that should not affect my pace that badly. I was wearing Asics and not Adidas, which definitely have a different feel to them. I also know that I felt a bit of a bump in my foot for the first kilometre, but I do not think that was anything other than a bunched up sock that fixed itself in the first little while.

    I did eat bread for breakfast and had a sandwich for lunch. I am hoping that the carbs this morning helped with the walk, but I am done with bread for the next few days. Tomorrow I will be back to meal replacements for most of my food intake… plus probably one meal per day. For that meal, I might have to bite the bullet and make it the evening meal, because starting tomorrow we will be with Leslie’s son, and I do not want him to think that I am not participating as part of the family. I am okay with that… he’s worth it, and so is Leslie.

    I do not know what our plans are for the evening, but Leslie understands and supports my meal plan, so we might get something for her, and I will have a meal replacement. We’ll see… the holiday ends this evening, and I am not going to make any more excuses. The next few days are weight loss days, baby! I am going to get on that plane to California next Monday as lean and mean as I can!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Achieving Your Goals

    I have often quoted the old trope that if you shoot for the stars, when you miss you still hit the moon. I stand by that, but it is still important to try to achieve the goals that you set for yourself. That is one of the reasons I set out on my walk this morning. Despite feeling sluggish, and the aches in my body from the last week of pushing myself, and the heat advisory, and every other excuse I could have come up with, I set out this morning so that I could achieve the goal that I had set a few days ago to walk fifty-five kilometres in a week.

    I took a familiar route this morning in a different direction, so while I was seeing all of the same things, I was seeing them from a different perspective. While I did not set out to do it this way, the route of my walk ensured that when I stepped onto the Itabashi Bridge in Burlington, I would reach my goal of fifty-five. It also meant that I still had one kilometre to walk to get home, but that is another story.

    My overall pace was hindered today (really, shredded) because of a freight train at a level crossing. I had to walk in circles leading to my second kilometre on Mainway east of Walker’s Line for nearly five minutes. While I did not stop – I walked in circles, looking pretty stupid to anyone sitting in a car watching – my pace dropped significantly. My overall cadence for the entire walk was 114 steps per minute, but what can you do? I still walked 7 kilometres in the heat, and I reached my goal.

    I think that one of the reasons that reaching my goal today was so important to me is because I look back on the weight loss goals that I have set, and failed each time. I felt that if I was ever going to really succeed… I mean, completely knock it out of the park in this multi-year plan I have to be a slim man, I needed to prove to myself that I could set a goal and not compromise, not make excuses, not say ‘I could have done it, but here’s why I decided I did not need to.’ I said that I wanted to fitness walk 55km in a week. I could have made every justification that ‘I took my dog for at least fourteen walks, and that more than put me over the top,’ or whatever else.

    I was tired yesterday, and I did not want to walk… but if I did not go out then I would have necessarily failed in my goal. I was not feeling it this morning, and I did not want to walk… but if I did not go out then I would again have failed. I pushed myself to go, and I made it.

    Leslie and I were speaking last night, and she suggested that for now, I should set my weight loss goal for 300-pounds. I think that is a good idea, because not only is it achievable, it is a medium-term goal that I can see hitting by October. After that, I will set new goals, and I will keep trying to do better. What will the next goal be after I drop below 300-pounds? Probably to get to 260-pounds, which was my absolute best weight in September 2020, and the lowest weight I remember being in the last twenty years.

    In the meantime, I am certainly not there yet, but just by looking at these photographs taken two hundred days apart you can see there is a vast improvement. I look forward to seeing what my Day 300 picture will look like.

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