Losing a part of me

Category: Non-Scale Victories

  • Day 591

    And then there were four.

    With my drop this morning there were only four days in May when I weighed less than I did this morning. With every .2 drop that number will decrease by one. I am less than one pound heavier than I was at my best weight ever on May 27.

    Yesterday I wrote about two challenges that I was to face regarding my adherence to my program. I managed to turn one challenge into an opportunity. I wrote that: ‘. In the car I am simply driving, in a conveyance, with no stake in my success or failure.’ Okay. When I went to go to the store, I got to my car… and decided that instead of driving to Fortinos I would walk to Freshco. While my plans for the day would not allow for me to go for my exercise walk, walking to the supermarket would give me a couple thousand extra steps, and it would remind me that I was working hard to lose the weight. I won’t deny that Freshco does not have the same temptations (prepared foods and bulk nuts) as Fortinos, but they still have breads and so many other tasty opportunities to cheat. We had none of that yesterday morning thank you!

    The second challenge was my trip to Lyle’s. I had my meal replacement right before I left, but I was still hungry. The chewing gum I keep in the car helped me both on my way there and on the return trip. I was proud to tell Leslie when I arrived home that I passed by Bulk Barn and did not slow down.

    As I lay in bed chatting with her last night, I told her I had a fear that despite being good that I would see an increase in my weight this morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale. I am not sure why, but I felt I had done something wrong… or maybe I did nothing wrong, but there are still going to be days when there is no forward progress. Last night’s fear was unfounded, but there will be days like that. I have to remember to take it in stride and not get upset when it does happen. In the meantime: on August 21 my weight was up 2.4 lbs. from two days earlier. Since then, it has dropped every single morning. Some days that drop was only .2 lb., but it dropped, nonetheless. Thirteen days in a row. That is a pretty good streak! I do not know if it will continue through this week, but it would be nice to be able to cross off that major milestone, not to mention the next two-pound increment, over the next few days.

    While sitting with Lyle, I did ask him once to stop talking about food. He understood that it was hard for me to hear it and still stay true to my program. I appreciate my friends being understanding.

    The Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR), often referred to as the Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR), is how many calories one would burn in a day with no outside factors. In other words, what we need to consume to stay as we are. I do not know the science behind it and how it might be affected by different macronutrients such as starches, nor am I going to spend any time researching it. I was introduced to the concept when I first went to a weight management and diabetes clinic over a decade ago. For the test they insisted I not ingest any caffeine for a period of time before the test. My smart scale just pops a number into my chart, so I assume it is not quite so accurate. I do know that 591 days ago my chart shows my BMR at 2,884. Six days ago (Day 586) it dropped below 2,000. It had been under 2,000 for a few days in May, but jumped back above on May 29, I am hoping that this time it will remain under 2,000… now and forever.

    While I thought it would be a daytime encounter, it turns out that my friends and I are meeting for cigars at 6:00pm, which means that after yesterday’s respite I will be able to go for a walk today. If I prepare my first meal replacement at 1:00pm then I will head out at 1:30pm; I will be home by 3:00pm and will shower and rest for a bit before taking my second meal replacement around 5:15pm. I will be home by 9:00pm and will finish off my day with my last one. That, dear reader, is the plan. Now let’s see if I can stay true to it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 486

    “I know that the scale giveth, and the scale taketh away.” I wrote this quote in the last paragraph of yesterday’s journal entry, knowing full well that after the tremendous weight loss of the last few days, even if I stuck to my program there was a good chance that my weight would not drop more this morning. While it did not drop like it had the previous few days, I was still down. That means that I am, once again, in best weight ever territory!

    Yesterday was not an easy day to be successful. Indeed, it was a struggle, but I made it through. I think if I look back on my previous jumps from partial program (or falling off the wagon completely for a few days) back onto the full-fast program, the third day has always been difficult. True to my plans, I went out for a jog/walk around 1:30pm after my second meal replacement of the day. When I returned home I showered and relaxed a little. While my plan was to have a cigar on the balcony, I was starting even then to realize just how tired and worn down I was. I decided to have my third meal replacement, and then lie down to try to take a nap. I am not sure if I slept, but I rested for an hour or so before Her Royal Floofness told me she wanted to go out for a walk. It was a longer than usual walk for a late afternoon, but I was happy to accommodate her. I told Leslie that I was exhausted and would be going to bed and to sleep early. We spoke for a while as I enjoyed my final meal replacement, and I was asleep by about 9:45pm. Yes, this old man was asleep before 10pm on a Saturday night. My younger self would be pointing and laughing at me.

    My early night to bed paid off. My Sleep Score was 81. Could it have been better? Yes… but it has not been better in a long time, and I will take it!

    I had a huge non-scale victory yesterday! I went to put on my jeans and was again miffed by how loose they were. Remember a month or so ago, when I noticed that my Size-38 jeans were loose and I tried to fit into my Size-36 jeans… only to realize that they were still way too tight? Well, I tried again… and they fit! To be clear, I did not go through every pair until one of them fit; I grabbed the first pair of Levi 501s off the top. They are tight, but they button to the top without too much effort. Hooray!! Sometime today I will probably go through the rest of the bin and see if the others fit, and I will do a bit of rotation in my armoire. I doubt they will all fit, but we are getting there. I predict that sometime in the not-too-distant future I will no longer have any bins labeled ‘clothes that don’t fit me yet.’ Sometime after that, I predict that I will need to start shopping for clothes again!

    I have been giving thought to how to approach the coming week. My calendar is packed during my usual waking hours. Tomorrow morning I start teaching a daytime class (which, unlike my last class, is 8-hours per day). In the evening tomorrow I have my Cigar Sommelier class, then Tuesday through Thursday I am teaching in the evening. Fortunately my daytime class is in the central time zone, which means that the 9-5 class is actually 10-6 where I am. I have set my alarm for each morning this week to go off at 5:55am. It is my hope that I am able to get out of bed, finish my usual morning bathroom routine by 6:45am, then take Her Floofness out for her walk. I should be home from that by 7:30am, at which point I will go out for my jog/walk. My last few outings have been between 80-90 minutes, so I would be home by 9:00am. I can then shower, get dressed, and prepare my coffee and morning meal replacement, say my morning prayers, and be ready at my computer by 9:30am… exactly the thirty minutes prior to class that I am asked to be in class. I will try to do this for at least three days of the week… and I will see how well I am able to do. I am not usually a morning person and getting up and at ‘em that early has not traditionally been my thing. At least, not in the 27 years since I finished active duty.

    Of course, this means that I will be trying to go to bed earlier than I usually do. My evening classes finish by 9:30pm, and I will immediately get ready for bed and jump into the rectangle with my wife. If I am able to keep this up, there will be no cigars for me until Friday… or at least, from Tuesday through Thursday, as my evening class on Monday is in fact my cigar class, which I am going to try to join from the balcony so that I can smoke during the class.

    Tuesday morning will not be a jogging morning, one way or another. I have to get my bloodwork done one day this week (in advance of my appointment next week with my doctor), and so I put it onto my calendar for Tuesday morning. Of I cannot get there Tuesday, then it will change to Wednesday… but that has to be done, one way or another.

    My plans for today are simple. In a few minutes, I am meeting with my diet buddy. She is unable to meet face to face today, so it will be a Facetime call. No problem. After that, I will suit up and go out for my jog. After a good night of sleep, my Body Battery was charged up to 79/100 when I woke up, but somehow has dropped in these last three hours to 66. No matter, that is still good enough to get a really good Sunday jog in. It is a sunny day and warm but not hot, and I am going to see if I can jog a full 10km today. After that, I will come home to shower and enjoy my second meal replacement. In the afternoon I am going to visit with my buddy Lyle and his wife, which should be a nice time. I have not seen them since before I flew off to Dallas last, and it will be nice to catch up. In the evening I will come home and relax and test some new technology – I ordered an electronic picture frame to hang in my apartment, and I want to hang it and load it up with pictures from the wedding. After that, I plan to relax on the balcony, and when her son is asleep I will chat with my wife for a few minutes before hitting the sack.

    There are a couple of temptations that I need to avoid today. I have too often stopped in at Bulk Barn to pick up a handful of peanuts on my way to or from (or both) Lyle’s house. I have to stay mindful and make sure that today can truly be my fourth straight day of sticking to my program. I am now three pounds from a very major milestone, and I do not want to dilly-dally on my way there. It is possible that one or two days this coming week I will not lose weight or even possibly gain weight… but that goes back to the scale giving and taking away. My goal is to make sure that if it does happen that it is not because I cheated. I will stay mindful. I will stay focused. I will achieve my goals.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 483

    Today is the first day of the rest of my weight loss journey. A few days ago, I made a promise to myself (and to my wife) that I would, starting today, resume my program with gusto and intent. Over the last few days I have been a little more cavalier with my eating, knowing that this resumption was coming. I did not really eat anything bad, but I was certainly not on my strict or even my true modified program. That all ends today. I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of purpose, with a plan to follow the full-fast program. I took stock of my meal replacements, and if I stick to the program completely then I have 9.5 days’ worth. I will drive into Scarborough tomorrow to pick up another case, which is enough for four more weeks. I have to do it tomorrow because next week I am teaching all day every day, and they are not open on weekends.

    While I have certainly not been true to my program since returning from Dallas, I will consider it at least a minor victory that everything that I have eaten, I have cooked myself. There was one exception to that, which was at the herf I went to last Friday (they had chicken wings, and I ate six of them). I have not eaten at a restaurant even once; I have not ordered food, and I have not even bought any food from the prepared food counters at the supermarket. I have said before that however difficult it may be to eat well at home, it is exponentially more difficult to do when eating out. Do not get me wrong – I still bought mini-crisps and even Goldfish crackers a couple of times… but other than those, almost everything that I have eaten has still been relatively acceptable… on my modified program, if not on my full-fast program.

    I was shocked once again this morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale to a major drop in weight. While I am still above the 260 lbs. mark, I am also less than 7.5 lbs. heavier than my best weight ever (from April 14 – Day 450). It is as if my body, despite eating more than usual and even eating late yesterday, wants to encourage me to get back on track and not lose faith that I can do it. I do not know if I would have been demotivated had I gained weight this morning, but the numbers on the scale this morning did give me a spring in my step, and hopefully energized me to make it through the next few days, which are always going to be difficult. After all, going from eating normal food back to only 900-calories of meal replacements in a day is never going to be easy, either physically or emotionally.

    This morning had another surprise for me. During my usual morning ritual I had a very fine bowel movement… nothing new there. A couple of hours later, before I started teaching (as I was writing this journal entry) I took a break, and had another very good BM. Two in a morning is rare, and it felt good. I suspect that as I drop the solid foods for the next few weeks, even the one per day will not be guaranteed. Maybe this was another way for my body to help me to make that break – ridding my body of those solid foods in anticipation of not needing them.

    I am teaching until 1:00pm today, and then again from 5:30 until 9:00pm. My plan is to have a shake directly after my morning class, and then go for a jog. The weather forecast calls for a beautiful afternoon – partly cloudy with temperatures steady around 13°-14°. I will plan a course of about 10km, similar to my distance Sunday. On that outing I jogged 5km and then walked the rest of the way. Today I will try to increase my jogging distance to at least 7km, and more if I am feeling it. I just want to keep improving.

    My goal for the day is to stay mindful. Today is my first day back on the program, and I have to make sure that it stays that way. It is all too easy to eat something, which means that tomorrow would be my first day back on the program. “Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time, and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death.” Quoting MacBeth can be morbid, but she long and the short of it is that I cannot live for tomorrow and hope to do better tomorrow. I have to life today and succeed today. It is too easy to put things off until tomorrow… that is often the best road to mediocrity and failure. I do not want to fail! I want to continue to lose weight and eventually be the lithe slim fellow that I have not seen in the mirror for more than twenty-five years!

    Something else that I need to remember to focus on today is my water intake. I have to drink a lot of water to stay hydrated and to continue to flush the garbage from my system. The simple math is that the more one drinks, the more one loses weight… as long as they are not eating crap.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 465

    The last few days have been stressful indeed, but we have arrived safe in California. As yesterday’s journal entry said, there were several delays that affected our plans, but we were checked into the hotel in time to have a lovely dinner before going to services at the temple. The next few days will be tremendous… exciting and stressful at the same time. It looks like everything is falling into place, and whatever does not will be fine too.

    After a very good night sleep we woke up this morning and showered before going for breakfast. This is sunny and the forecast high is 81°. Yes, I am back in the USA so I am back to Fahrenheit. It will be a lovely day indeed!

    With all of my failures these past couple of weeks, it is important to recognize my victories. This morning I realized a huge non-scale victory. For the first time in twenty years I am able to comfortably fit into a hotel bathrobe. Yay! It is also really comfortable… something you would expect from a luxury resort in a rich part of Southern California. Of course I will not steal one, but I am definitely encouraged that I can now go into a store and buy one for myself… without worrying that it would be tent sized.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 432

    Yesterday was one of those days where very little went as planned, and almost everything worked out great. I had lunch with my son the younger at Lone Star Texas Grill, where I did eat four tortilla chips but only four. When the waiter told us he would be right back with the chips and salsa I told him not to bring them, unless he could bring celery sticks in place of the chips. He did not. The four chips that I took were off my son’s plate of chips and queso. He tried to ask the waiter to refill the queso at one point, not understanding that he was asking for another order. I explained to him that what he had eaten, combined with the chicken wings that he would be bringing home with him, was enough. He demurred. I ate my fajita bowl with grilled chicken, but I forgot to ask him to leave out the cheese. This was bad because I cannot mix cheese with chicken, but good because they were not mixed. I simply cut the food around the cheese and left that – along with most of the rice. All in all, I don’t think I ate too badly.

    When I was dropping him off, I asked him to bring the present in for his brother. As I sat in the car answering a text, he ran back up to the car and told me I was invited in. His brother was thrilled with the bottle that I had selected for him and invited me to sit down for a wee taste of it… and insisted his mother (read: my ex-wife) join us. Theresa and I get along just fine, but I have known her for seventeen years and I have never seen her enjoy even the smallest drop of whisky or whiskey, but our son insisted and poured for her the smallest portion, just to taste it. The look on her face was exactly what I would have expected, and while it was mildly entertaining to watch, I felt bad for her having to drink something that she really does not like. The rest of the conversation (which lasted more than two hours) was extremely pleasant (Theresa did not stay for most of it) and my son and I caught up. It was absolutely delightful… and extremely interesting in ways that I will not share in public. I am so happy for him though!

    Had I devoured an entire plate of tortilla chips, or even a full dram of whiskey (I did have half an ounce, and he was right insofar as it is absolutely the best Irish whiskey I’ve had), I might have come home and felt so guilty that I would have immediately suited up and gone for a jog. I did not feel guilty about what I ate yesterday (although I do feel bad about the previous day), but it was such a gorgeous day that I felt I needed to hit the road. Julie had canceled our meeting, and my buddy Eduardo was going to come over after 6:00pm for a cigar, so I suited up and did just that. I had no expectations, I just wanted to get a workout in.

    Jogging

    • pb Distance: 11km (13.45 km) **
    • pb Duration: 1:27:32 (1:18:45)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m57s (6m00s)
    • pb Steps: 13,750 (11,350)
    • Calories burned: 1,400 (1,626)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (155)

    ** While I know I have recorded a higher distance on the treadmill, due to calibration issues I have little faith in the accuracy of that activity. This distance was measured by GPS and I believe it to be accurate.

    I killed it. I jogged a full 11km with fewer stops than I have done do far, and one of those stops was because I needed to take a chat. I would have gone farther if it was not for Eduardo, but I know that he would be arriving around 6:00pm, and I did not want him to wait too long for me. Had he not been coming over I would have tried to finish the 15km that would earn me the badge for the month of March. While I still have a few days to try to achieve that, I am not sure that I will… I was surprised that I was able to do 11km without falling down! I did, in the meantime, crack the top 22% for the yearlong challenge on the other app that I mentioned. While it is somewhat disconcerting to see that I am in something like 28,000th place, knowing that there are 132,500 participants in the challenge (and that more than 100,000 of those are behind me) does feel good. Also, I know that the point of the challenge is not to win, but to complete it. The prizes will be raffled off to those who complete the challenge, and not awarded to the winners.

    I am still very upset that I lost my Black Belt. There are still two places where it might be, but I am resigned to the fact that I will almost certainly be buying a new one this week. While the money does not bother me as much (it will cost about $50 to replace), there is an emotional attachment to such an item. Unlike my previous belts which were tied on to me by my GrandMaster, this one I purchased myself (I was promoted officially after I had moved to California), but I am still attached to it. There are still two places where it might be – one is at the Taekwondo school where I will be training, so I will be able to drop in today to ask, and the other is in Dallas (which is much less likely) – but I am not holding out hope. I will check… but when I get to the dojang today and they tell me it is not there, I will bite the bullet and order a new one. It is sad, but it is necessary. In the meantime, I have a second belt with the appropriate rank. When I had my belt made, they accidentally confused inches with centimetres, so I have an embroidered belt that is five sizes too small. I will not be able to wear it properly, but at least I will be able to wear it.

    Yesterday was a day filled with huge positives. I already mentioned that I spent some great quality time with each of my sons in turn, which was great. I also had a nice and positive conversation with my ex-wife about the progress of my son the younger and our struggles with getting him the appropriate help for him and his issues. Seeing a number of my friends who are divorced parents who have horrible relationships with their ex-partners, I am always so grateful that Theresa and I have always been able to maintain a civil relationship. We will never be friends, but there is no animosity. I thank G-d for that. I digress. My son the elder commented that he noticed that I have lost a lot of weight and that I am looking great. I showed him the most recent before/after picture that I took a couple of weeks ago, and he was so amazed that he called his mother downstairs to come look at it. Later in the evening I realized that while I had a milestone a few months back for dropping below the weight I was when Leslie first saw me, I am also now at the lowest weight that Theresa has ever seen me. When I lose five more pounds, I will weigh less than I did when any of my three wives knew me. That blows my mind… not only the weight, but the fact that I have been married three times. I never thought I would be one of those statistics. Hopefully with all of the work I have done to improve myself – both mentally and emotionally but also physically – Leslie and I will be able to live happily ever after together.

    The next great feeling was when my neighbour – Charlie’s mom – commented yesterday that I have lost a lot of weight. It always makes me smile! She asked how much, and I told her. She was floored, and asked how I did it. I told her that it was a lot of hard work… and the realization that the pace at which Princess Sophie walks is not exercise. It did not hurt that I said this as I was coming in from my jog

    I just had a conversation with my mechanic. The car has to go in to check the transmission. The first step will be to check the transmission fluid. If it is not that, this is going to be a very expensive week. I am truly hoping it is the fluid. MY appointment is an hour from now, so I should know more by lunchtime. I will bring my eBook reader with me to the appointment in case it is going to take a while… and a cigar. Yes, it is a bit chilly out, but if this exercise might cost me anywhere from $100 to $3000, I think a cigar to keep me relaxed would not be the worst idea!

    After three days of gaining weight (2.8 lbs.) I was happy to drop 1.2 lbs. this morning on the bathroom scale, despite my cheat eating. I have to assume that the jogging really helps. I was still above 260, but only very minimally. I am now 1.6 lbs. heavier than my best weight yet, and 5.2 lbs. from my best post-Army weight ever. Knowing that, my plan for the day is to stay on track and to stay mindful. After my trip to the mechanic, assuming that my car is drivable, I will go to the gym for a good run, to be followed by a good hydro massage and a shvitz. I am teaching this evening, so I have to be back here by 5:00pm, which is not a problem. I am truly hoping that my car is still drivable, because if it is not then I will not be going to the gym, instead taking an Uber to come back home. I suppose I could take the Uber to the gym… I will consider that when the time comes. I should also plan to take my meal replacement with me to the mechanic. My appointment is at 11:30, and I am due for the meal replacement between 1:00p and 1:30pm. In the best-case scenario, I will be drinking it as I drive to the gym.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 412

    I continued my streak yesterday, running for three kilometres and then walking six. My jogging pace is picking up a little bit which is good. I am looking forward to seeing how well I will be able to do when the roads and sidewalks are all dry, and I can wear my nicer running shoes.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 3 km (3.04km)
    • Duration: 23:08 (24:51)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 7m42s (8m10s)
    • Steps: 3,600 (3,800)
    • Calories burned: 355*
    • Elevation gain: 0 (29m) *
    • pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 156 (154)

    * I suspect there was an issue with my devices, as I am reasonably sure that the walk was not completely flat… and jogging the same distance as I did Sunday, it is unlikely that I burned less than half the calories.

    Walking

    • Distance: 6.05 km
    • Duration: 1:06:14
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10m56s
    • Steps: 7,500
    • Calories burned: 689
    • Elevation gain: 37m
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 112

    I am not sure why it is that a couple of hours after I came in, I started feeling nauseous and light-headed. It might have to do with the weather, or I might just be pushing myself a bit. The fact that my apps are telling me that I am burning more calories per day than I am consuming is not necessarily a bad thing… but yesterday I set out a little after noon, and unlike all of my previous outings I decided to wait until I got back home before drinking my second meal replacement. That might have been ill-advised. I will make sure, going forward, that I am not straddling the line of when I should be eating… I will make sure to set out after having one.

    The result of my not feeling well was that I lay down for a nap. Knowing I had to be awake to teach my class, I set an alarm. I felt a little better in time for class, but by the end of it I was ready to get back into bed. I will be keeping an eye on my body these next two days… There is no way that I am going to push myself so hard that I fly to Dallas under the weather. We will see how I am feeling tomorrow, but I know that I have an appointment in the middle of the day, and that might get in the way of when I would usually want to head out. If I have to put the brakes on jogging for a couple of days, then I will… if I have to.

    My weight was up this morning, but only by .2 lb. It is frustrating when you do everything right for so long, and then you see the regression… but I know that over the last four days I lost nearly four pounds, and it is not unreasonable for there to be that slight adjustment. I will live with it. I got a frantic text from my weight loss buddy this morning who was upset that on the four-month anniversary of her surgery, she found herself up .7 lb., which she was quite distraught over. I called her and reminded her that she is not .7 lb. up from four months ago, only from yesterday… and she is really severely slimmer (and lighter) than she was four months ago. I reminded her of the importance of the downward trend, and not the individual plots on the graph. This calmed her down significantly; she thanked me for calling and told me that she needed to hear that. She also told me about two encounters over the past few days where people have commented on how fabulous she looks. In one of those encounters she blew it off and attributed it to her new haircut and outfit, but the other was an old friend and she brought her into the circle of people who know. She knows that I advise people to keep that circle as small as possible; it is nobody’s business a) That she is losing weight, b) How she is losing weight, and c) How much weight she has lost. She agrees, but this was an old friend that she trusts.

    I realized this morning that I was out of my gourmet coffee, and I had to grind some of my Cuban coffee to make the pot. I will definitely go shopping today. It is not that I do not like the Cuban coffee, but it is not quite as tasty as what I usually make for myself. I only have one more whole pot of coffee to make before I fly to Dallas, but I should have it in the house for when I get back to Canada. I have a number of other errands to run today, and while I would usually go to a particular supermarket to pick up the coffee that I really like, there are a few things I need to pick up at Fortino’s (including my shoes, but also certain treats that I will be bringing to Dallas to surprise my wife), so I will just get coffee there… despite their having discontinued the particular blend that I used to favour. I will do that before my therapy appointment, which for the first time will be in-person. Until now our sessions have all been on the phone, but due to my being unavailable for our usual Thursday session, she had this appointment available. It will force me to get out of the house, which will, in turn, force (or at least encourage) me to go to pick up my shoes, along with the treats and the coffee. While I am out, I might also pop up to Milton to see Ryan, who has been encouraging me to change my windshield wipers at his shop. If I had computer advice for him, I would expect him to follow it. He knows cars and especially windshields (which is his business), so I have been planning to do that since he told me to… but my schedule has not allowed for it. This afternoon I can do it.

    Sometimes the universe puts things in place that just make sense. For the first time in several days, the sun is out but temperatures are -4°, and the wind is blowing cold… and picking up significantly in the afternoon. Today would not be a good day to be jogging, or at least it would be quite uncomfortable. I could easily plan to go to the gym for a couple of hours, but I have really been pushing myself these last few days so if I do, I will take it easy. Maybe a few weight machines, twenty minutes on the treadmill, and then a hydro massage followed by a good shvitz. I probably will not do any of that, but I will also not be suiting up for a jog outside… which I enjoy so much more than the gym. I suspect that my next several workouts – outdoors or otherwise – will take place in Dallas. Leslie and I talked about going to the gym in her apartment complex together, which sounds like a wonderful activity that we can share.

    I suppose, looking at it, I have quite a few items on my calendar for today, even though it looks bare. I have my therapist at 1:30pm, but I also have to run several errands. All of that will keep me busy, which is not a bad thing. I much prefer being busy than not being busy. I might try to do some studying today, but I might also just relax with my book. I downloaded a book onto my e-reader before I flew to Dallas last time, and I had not picked it up in several weeks until just a few nights ago. It is a crime drama from before the time when cops had cellular phones, and aside from the pure kitschy predictability of their stereotypical behaviour (bad-ass LAPD cop on the outs with his chain of command is paired up with the female FBI agent for a case that nobody thinks is a real case, and not only do they find evidence but they also end up sleeping together), it is funny when he says something like, ‘My pager started beeping, so I pulled off the road alongside the first payphone I saw.’ Kids today would not believe how different the world they know is from the one I grew up in. Still and all, it takes place in Los Angeles, and it is interesting to see how different my reading of that city is now that I have lived there. I wonder what it would be like to go back and read the Decker/Lazarus novels that I read for so many years, never having known where the Foothills, or Van Nuys or Tarzana or any of the other geographic references that they made were. All this to say that it would be nice to sit on the couch with my book and take just one day away from my cybersecurity and networking studies and teaching. I make no delusions that I might sit outside with a cigar though… the winds were unpleasant this morning and they are forecast to get worse as the day progresses.

    Until I started on the full-fast program, and not even at first, but really since I returned from Dallas just five weeks ago and resumed it, the predictability of my body schedule has gone out the window. For years I have reliably sat on the throne in the morning and produced. I have alternately referred to my morning routine and morning ritual, which has always meant heading to the washroom, taking my pills, brushing my teeth, and sitting on the throne (often for longer than necessary while checking e-mail, Facebook, and whatever else). I would then shower, shave, and then walk to the bedroom to weigh myself on the (no longer appropriately named) bathroom scale before getting dressed, and then taking HRF Princess Sophie out for her walk. Over these last few weeks, including today, I have sat unproductive on the toilet for long enough to realize that nothing was coming, and then I would continue with the routine. Were this something I kept an active record of, I would be able to count on one hand (maybe two) the number of times over the past two years that I have had not had a successful bowel movement, or when I have had one after 9:00am. That is, until this past month. It really has been weird, but I have to accept that my body is changing in so many ways… most of them positive, but I did like the predictability.

    Speaking of changes, I noticed something today that is hard to describe but impossible to miss. Looking at my naked body in the mirror, the shape of my stomach has changed. On the sides there are these massive… indents? I don’t know how to describe them… but I do know that there was a time not too long ago that my belly extended from one side of my body to the other. Now it seems to be pushed in on the sides… except that is not right, because if it was pushed in, then it would extend out further. Imagine taking a balloon in your hands and squeezing it. The volume of the balloon does not change, only the distribution of it, right? That is not what is happening with my belly. It is pushed in on the side, but it is not pushing out. That has to be a huge non-scale victory, as well as an indicator of a couple of things: the first is that I am absolutely losing weight at a tremendous rate… and really, I have now lost over 125 pounds, so there is no denying that. The second is that I am beginning to see the sagging skin that I wrote about last week. When all this is over I will need to have surgery to have excess skin removed, or else I will look like… what? I don’t know, but I cannot imagine going through the rest of my life with all of that excess skin hanging down. I know! I would look like a child wearing an adult costume… or more accurately, a slim man wearing a fat man’s suit. Only, the suit would be made of skin and not wool or silk. There will be more than one consequence to my years of obesity. One of the prices I will pay for that, and for no longer being that, is that I will have to go under the knife to have that excess skin removed. Once I do that, I cannot imagine I would ever want to gain weight again. The thought of it just disgusts me.

    A couple of days ago Leslie mentioned that she did not like the idea of my having weight loss surgery, be it Roux-en-Y, or any of the other options… but that she would support me if I felt I needed it. I told her that I do not want that… but I appreciate her willingness to support me. I also told her that when I am there, I will explain to her why I do not want to have the surgery, which is not a fear of going under the knife, but much more than that… and more than I want to explain over a video chat or by text. I have given a lot of thought to it, especially since I was originally scheduled to have it in 2015 and was ultimately rejected from the program for reasons I will explain to her in person. I had not given it much thought of late, until October, when my diet buddy told me that she was going to do it. I do not know how much of it I have ever really discussed with anyone, so I am glad that I have had a few days to think about how to explain myself to Leslie. She is, after all, my wife. She is the one person from whom I do not want to keep any secrets, much less my thinking on weight loss, of which she has been so supportive over the past thirteen months.

    My plan for today is to stay on track. I am getting up to head to the airport in 42-hours, and this is just not the time to fall off the program. Thursday evening Leslie and I will get dressed up and we will go out for our sushi dinner, and I will have my first meal since the great nachos and salsa incident. If I can wait until then, I can enjoy that meal without guilt, indulging in the deliciously prepared raw fish on rice. If I were to break down now, then there would be little special about the meal itself, although being with Leslie would be enough special to make up for it. No, I should be sharing my first meal in nearly a month with her, and not on any tempting cheats that might present themselves between now and then. Stay on track, stay mindful, stay focused; if I do that, it is entirely possible that when I arrive in Dallas, I will weigh a full twenty pounds less than when I left.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 406

    When I wrote my article yesterday, I was full of crap. I mentioned that I had not had a successful bowel movement since Saturday, and that might have been a contributing factor to my weight gain. When I excused my class for lunch I went for a try. As painful as it was is also how productive it was. Frankly, I was surprised by the output. How is it that I have not eaten any solid foods in nearly three weeks, and yet that much solid waste is coming out of me? I am hoping that it is because the obesity is leaving my body. Seeing that weight gain yesterday morning was bad enough, but the psychology of jumping back into the Obesity Class II category, however briefly, was a hit to my ego.

    After my bowel movement, and then after I had my midday meal replacement, I decided that I have three possible plans for my evening after class, and the more things that I plan, the less likely I would accomplish them all. I decided to run out to the pharmacy to pick up a fibre supplement, and then next door to the supermarket to pick up a quart of I-Can-Absolutely-Believe-It’s-Not-Milk. I did not go to Fortino’s because it is farther away, and I knew that I only had a limited time to get there and back. I pulled into the shopping centre on the corner and went into both stores for a single purchase at each one. In both I found myself in line behind people who were obviously not pressed for time, but I held my peace, waited my turn, and was back in front of my computer precisely one minute before it was time to resume my class. I added a teaspoon of fibre to my early evening meal replacement and starting today (and going forward) I will add a teaspoon to my morning meal replacement shake every day. I do not think I will need more than that, but I certainly know I needed something. After all, there is no reason to suffer pain and discomfort unnecessarily.

    At the end of my class, I got my jogging kit on. Before I set out on my run, I took HRF Princess Sophie for a quick walk. She had been waiting patiently, but in the last twenty minutes of my class she was quite clear about needing to go out. She took care of her business, and then as if she knew, she guided me back into the building. I set her up with a nice treat, and then made my way down.

    • Distance: 3.5 km (7.08km)
    • Duration: 29:02 (1:01:29)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 8m17s (8m41s)
    • Steps: 4,400
    • Calories burned: 451
    • Elevation gain: 27m
    • pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 152

    This was my jog. I did reset my devices to record my progress on the return walk (which was exactly 3km), but those stats are not worth noting. For anyone who might ask, the reason I stopped jogging was not that I was in pain, rather I was stuck at a red light, and there was quite a bit of ice and snow ahead. Looking down at my devices, I was going to pause the trek; seeing that both my devices were at exactly 3.5km, I decided to pull up and walk the rest of the way. It was colder today than it was Sunday, and with the darkness that had fallen before I even set out, I decided to play it safe. Yes, the temperatures had been above zero most of the day… but when the sun goes down, it is a quick transition for the dampness on the ground to turn to ice. It would not do for me to turn an ankle and hurt myself… certainly not when I have been doing so well; not knowing that I am off to Dallas in eight and a half days.

    I took a quick shower before selecting a Davidoff Yamasa Toro cigar to enjoy on my Rectangle-Zone date with my beautiful wife, who had selected a Davidoff Millennium cigar for herself. In eight days, we will be together again, and it will be wonderful. For now, we have to settle for the damned rectangle zone. The physical distance that separates us is becoming more and more difficult to contend with. As silly or juvenile as it might seem, I truly am counting down the hours until we are together again. Rounding up, we are at 193. How cruel the universe can be in conspiring to keep us apart for so long? How amazing karma was for bringing us together, despite no geographic commonality. We will get through this, and we will one day be able to live happily ever after together.

    As we were talking last night, Leslie asked if she could tell me about a non-scale victory that she had noticed during my last visit but was unsure how to bring up delicately. As I do, she has a balcony on which we sit to enjoy cigars. It has a plastic floor cover that she added when she moved in. The first few times I had visited her, she noticed that under my chair, there were indents from my weight on the plastic. When I was there in January, there was no such indent. Hooray! I’ll take every victory that I can, thank you very much!

    I mentioned earlier in this entry that I had three things planned for yesterday evening. I actually accomplished all of them! I picked up fibre as well as faux milk. I went for a jog, despite the cold and dark that might have been a good excuse for skipping it. I had a cigar date with my wife. True, I did one of those at lunch, but the important thing is that I accomplished them all. After I told Leslie about my digestive issues she asked if I had bought the fibre and was glad that I told her I had. She was probably not as happy as I was though… the passing was quite sharp!

    Her Floofness has a spa appointment today which means I have to plan my class breaks around dropping her off and then collecting her. The spa does not have facilities to keep her longer than her appointment, and the one time that I could not collect her on time, I heard about it. I know I can massage the timing of recess and lunch, as well as assign lab work to ensure I am not too rushed. Knowing that I have to get there and back quickly will negate any temptation to stop off and pick up anything to cheat with. This morning saw the numbers on the bathroom scale down again, back into best-weight-yet territory, as well as back into the Obesity Class I category. I am now 11.4 lbs. from my best weight from 2020, and 16.8 lbs. from my best post-Army weight ever. More important for the immediate, I am back below my best weight from 2017. I was somewhat distraught yesterday morning to see that I had kicked back above that mark, in addition to the Obesity Class II. Thank goodness it was only for one day, and I am back on track. With my jog, as well as my bowl movement, I was hoping for a little more; I will be satisfied with what I have. I told Leslie last night that I would like to lose at least 3kg from last Wednesday to my next doctor’s appointment next Wednesday. That should not be too difficult, but if I can manage to drop 3.5 lbs. between now and then (a reasonable weight drop for a week on this program) then that fortnightly weight drop might be closer to 4kg. The things I think about as I look at my spreadsheets over my first cup of coffee…

    So once again, my plan for the day is to stay on track. If I can stay true to the program for the next eight days, then there is a very good chance that I will achieve my next short-term goal, to arrive in Dallas under 270 lbs. Last night I was speaking with Leslie, and I told her how wonderful it would be to go to the tailor Thursday evening under 270 lbs., but that is not likely to happen. A 1.8 lb. drop from today into tomorrow is unrealistic to expect. With that said, on February 2nd (and then again on February 13th) I set the goal for tomorrow to be under 280 lbs. by tomorrow. It was not until February 15th that I stretched that goal, hoping to get under 275 lbs. by tomorrow. I achieved both of those. On that day just two weeks ago I also stretched my goal for my Dallas trip to 270 lbs. (down from an original goal of 275 lbs.), and unless something drastic happens, I will absolutely achieve that. Would it have been nice to be able to move those two goalposts downward by another five pounds? Sure… but I am on a long-distance marathon, and not a sprint. I have discussed many times the importance of setting short-term goals and trying to meet and even beat my own expectations. So far, I have met every milestone goal that I have set for myself. I doubt I have met every timed goal, but I have done my best… and certainly since I kicked my program into high gear in January, I have been hugely successful. I am 29.2 lbs. down since starting the full-fast program on January 11… and that includes an eight-day hiatus from it during my trip to Dallas. That is over four pounds per week! In that time, I have also started jogging, which was another long-term goal of mine. I may not be anywhere near ready to run a marathon, but that too might happen if I stay on track! What is the lesson learned from this? Setting short-term goals for myself results in long-term successes… as long as I stay patient and stay focused.

    With that, my plan for the day is to stay on track with my food intake, to teach for the next twelve hours, and to wake up tomorrow morning to another slight drop on the bathroom scale. There are days when I forget that a lot of those slight drops will amount to huge drops over time. As of today, that drop from Day 1 is over one hundred and twenty pounds.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 400!

    Four hundred days. If you would have asked me on Day 1 if I would place bets that I would still be persevering and moving forward with my weight loss journey after four hundred days, I would not have put money down. It is not that it has been a straight and unobstructed path, nor an easy one. I have faltered, I have plateaued, I have so many times thought about giving up. I remember one day nearly a year ago when I was getting into my car with Princess Sophie, and I spilled my coffee all over the place. It was the last straw that morning. I was so pissed off that I drove to Wendy’s down the street, and I ordered a burger and French fries… I think I ordered fries. I then remember needing to collect myself before going back to the drive-thru window, wanting to kill everyone on spec, and politely telling the cashier that I did not order a cheeseburger, and had them replace it. I did it calmly and did not lash out… and that might have been my saving grace. I remember so many more days when I thought that just having this or that would have been fine. How many bags of Goldfish crackers did I open thinking they might last a week or two… knowing they might last a day. Through good times and bad I have not been perfect, but I have not given up. There have been so many times when I wanted to… but I know that I cannot. I have to lose all of the weight, and I need to find a way to keep it off when I do.

    I was so happy yesterday morning to be 3.2 lbs. from my best weight from 2017. I also know that any day that I drop so much weight, I am likely to give back a couple of ounces the next day… or at least stay stagnant for a day. Today was predictable in that. Despite my sticking to the program religiously yesterday (save for two coffee candies that gave me the boost of energy I needed to get through my class), and despite a very productive bowel movement this morning, the bathroom scale took back .4 lbs., causing my comparative weight to 2020 to drop from 4 lbs. better yesterday to 1.4 lbs. today. I knew that was likely to happen because of the tremendous day-over-day drop from that year. Back then I was on a roller coaster, mostly because of my modified program. I also know that I started a new job that week, which caused a lot of fluctuation. I know I will be back on track on that tomorrow, and that my slow and steady progress, and my dedication to the full fast program, will eventually win the race. Looking ahead at that chart, I suspect I will beat myself in the race to my best weight from 2017 by nearly a week. After that I will think about my race to best weight yet!

    The weather sucks today. There is no nice way to put it. We had what people in much of the world would call a blizzard, and what in Canada we call Wednesday in February. Yes, it was bad, and yes, there is 15cm of snow on the ground this morning that was not there yesterday. HRF Princess Sophie was not having any of it, and she would not venture out more than fifteen feet from the front door. It is still nearly -10° outside, with the windchill making it feel much colder. While it will warm up slightly, there are still calls for freezing rain today. Today will be a good day to stay inside and dressed warm. I cannot think of anything that I would need to go out for, so with the exception of taking the puppy to pee a couple of times, I will not be venturing out at all. Yes, the drivers here know how to drive in this weather, and yes, I drive a Subaru with winter tyres. None of that means that going out in this weather is a good idea. I will stick to the full fast program, and I know that tomorrow morning the bathroom scale will be a little nicer to me than it was today.

    After the rise on the scale, I decided that this morning called for a non-scale victory. Last week, I tried on a few pair of Size-36 pants, and only one of them fit (and it was tight). I decided that today was the day. I ripped the tags off of it and I put them on. I do not know if it is all in my mind, or if they really do fit better than they did just six days ago. Either way, I am wearing the first pair of Size-36 pants that I have worn in eighteen years! Yes, I bought them three years ago… but I bought them in anticipation of losing more weight and them fitting soon, which never happened. I guess my weight distribution today is slightly different from it was then, and just different enough that the pair of pants that did not fit yet (I am 15.6 lbs. heavier today than I was at my best) can fit today. A week from today, knowing that I will continue to lose weight, I will revisit the other Size 36 pants that were not even close to closing around my waist last week. For now, I’ll take this victory and smile.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 388

    The week is over, and I can relax! I was really surprised by how light-headed I was during the last 90 minutes of my class last night. I did not want to consume my final meal replacement so early in the evening, so I prepared a cup of Royal Milk Tea. As I told Leslie, I was not skimping on the caffeine. I think my body was rebelling from my deciding that G-d would not be the reason I cheated on the program… or maybe it was G-d telling me that I should have bought and eaten the damned bread. Either way, I was extremely glad that after the break I was able to assign a 45-minute lab to my students. After the break, all I needed to get through was the last half hour, and then the weekend would be mine. I also knew that Leslie was waiting for me to finish, so I had something to look forward to!

    This morning brought two very conflicting (and completely unrelated) firsts. For the first time in eleven days, my weight was up; it was the smallest amount possible that would register on my bathroom scale, but for the first time since January 30 it was neither up nor stable. It took me but a second (after stepping off the scale and checking its consistency) to remember that there will be slight ups on the journey down, and it means neither that I failed nor that I cheated… it just means that weight loss is about the downward trend, rather than about the individual plots on the graph. I made the immediate decision that this was nothing that I should worry about, and I went about my day. It should be pointed out as well that at 6:04am this morning, a Saturday on which I should have been happy to sleep in, my eyes popped open, and were not at all interested in closing again. I finally decided to get out of bed and start my day at 6:30am, which is unusual for a Saturday… more so for a Saturday following a week like the one I just finished.

    I think my readers will agree that the second of these firsts is much more significant. In fact, some might call it monumental. On Day 2 of my journey, I set out goals for myself. One of them was: “When I have lost 80lbs I will be jogging again, at least 5 miles per day, at least 4 times per week.” That did not happen. I did start fitness-walking, which I felt was equally beneficial. That does not change the fact that I enjoy jogging, but I am so often reminded how hard it can be on the body – especially the knees. I did not set out with the intention of doing so, but this morning, as HRF Princess Sophie and I set out for her walk, I decided to start jogging. I did not decide that ‘you know what. Later today I will jog.’ In the very minute that I made the decision I started jogging. I was not going to shatter any records, but I was going to get the aerobic exercise along with my usual steps. Despite yesterday’s mild snowfall, the sidewalks were dry, but I knew that I would likely come across parts that were still icy, and I would stop my jogging for those stretches. I also stopped when we came across other doggies and their owners… and of course I had to pick up after her, so that was obvious. According to my fitness watch tracking, it might be the slowest mile ever run… the pace was over 18 minutes per kilometre. That does not matter… It was my first jog, and it was with my dog. By the end of this week, weather permitting I will be out there for at least a 5km jog in proper gear!

    I probably have the lowest resting hear rate of anyone I know. I do not know how accurate the data on my iPhone Health app is, but it is telling me that over the last month, my average resting heart rate is 58bpm. It has been measured at the doctor’s office around that as well. I am wondering if that is why, over the last week when I was hardly active at all, I did not lose any significant amount of weight. Is it possible that it is only when I am able to get my heart rate up that my metabolism kicks in to start dropping? That is something that I will pay attention to. For the next two weeks, unless something falls into my lap, I am only teaching in the evenings, which means that I will have the time to go to the gym – and possibly even go for a couple of outdoor jogs if the weather cooperates – and I will see how my weight loss is affected. How cool would it be if I do lose a lot of weight due to activity? My first step will be on every dry morning, rather than putting on my winter boots I will put on trainers, and Her Floofness and I will jog together… with her frequent stops during which I will usually jog in place.

    The weather today is dry and chilly but warming up a bit in the afternoon. I have to help a friend (really a friend of a friend) with their computer this morning, but I will be back mid-afternoon, and my wife and I have a cigar date planned. It will be wonderful to sit on the patio (possibly wearing sunglasses) and chatting with my baby. Even if I have to turn the heater on, I am optimistic that this weather is a sign of things to come. Many Canadians have been bitten by these hopes, so don’t expect me to change out my winter tyres just yet!

    I will stay on track today, and tomorrow morning the bathroom scale will remind me that I was right to not get discouraged by the very minor blip that was today. Even now, as my hear rate is still elevated slightly an hour after my first jog in years, I can feel the weight coming off!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 385

    I cheated yesterday, but not on the program! At lunch I went out as planned to buy a not-really-milk product for my coffee. As I was driving to the store, I realized that my gas tank was nearly empty. I was about to pass a petrol station when I realized this, so I pulled in and filled the tank. The station is in the same plaza as a supermarket (but not the one I would usually go to), and I did not expect that store to have what I wanted… but I decided to chance it. Sure enough, they had the oat milk I wanted! The advantage of FreshCo over Fortino’s is that they do not have the huge prepared-foods and fresh bakery sections between the door and where I needed to be. I cheated temptation, and also put fewer miles on my car. It was a win-win situation. Stay tuned for more life hacks! The only downside is that I did not get to the dry cleaner which is adjacent to Fortino’s… but I had left my shirts at home, so it did not matter.

    Staying on track is not easy, but I am doing everything that I can. I am flying down to Dallas in under a month, and I know that I will not be down to my best weight ever by then, but I will certainly weigh less than I do today. Even if it is 10-15 pounds less, that will be so much better than I am now, and certainly less than when I was there last week. All I have to do to achieve that is to stay on the program, and not cheat. I might not lose fifteen pounds… but if I stay on track, at least I will not gain weight. All I can ask for day over day is to do better than the previous day… whether that means my weight is lower, or I have a better attitude, or whatever better might mean on any given day. I know that I was thrilled last week when I was losing so much weight and it felt like it was just melting off, but most weeks will not be like that. These last few days that I have hardly lost any weight are not failures, I simply have to look for other wins. For example, yesterday I went to the supermarket and did not cheat! Also, I have gotten through the first two of my 12-hour teaching days without falling… or yelling, cursing, or anything bad. Today is day three, and once I am through it then tomorrow is a shorter day… I only teach during the day (and it will be the only day this week). Now that I think of it, I am really looking forward to the weekend when I can relax a little.

    I really enjoyed putting on my suit for class yesterday. I knew that my evening class was ending after three months, and I wanted to celebrate it. I was not entirely impressed when I saw the grades on their end of class quizzes though… I truly hope that all of them will study hard for the exam before they take it. As for my daytime class, the two really boring and grueling days are done, and tomorrow we can start with some labs and hands-on stuff, instead of just eight straight hours of lecture (which for the last couple of days was then followed by 3.5 more straight hours of lecture).

    This morning I was going to put on my blue sports jacket, but instead decided to wear my vest. I decided that I really like the look, and while this vest is at the very limit of my being able to wear it (it was tailored to me 80 lbs. ago!) I can get a couple more uses out of it… and when I go to the tailor for new shirts in a few weeks, I will order at least one and probably two more!

    It is funny that I woke up this morning, did my morning rituals, got dressed, and took HRF Princess Sophie for her walk, and it was only as we were coming in from that walk that I realized that I was scheduled to go to the doctor’s office to get weighed. I panicked for the three seconds it took me to realize that I was nowhere near late, and then I took Princess Sophie upstairs (she insisted on going to see Sue) and then I got into my car and drove to the doctor’s. I told the nurse as I was preparing to step onto the scale that if the number read at or below 129 kg then I would be celebrating because I would have hit the fifty kilos lost milestone. I missed it by 200g – I weighed 129.2 kg. I was hugely disappointed… until I realized that meant that in the past three weeks since my last official weigh-in I have lost 4.6kg, and that includes a trip to Dallas where I cheated a lot. I changed my tune and called it a huge success! While that ‘official’ milestone will need to wait another couple of weeks, I look forward to smashing it, rather than just eking by.

    Yesterday afternoon I was feeling weak and hungry, and my body told me that I needed my meal replacement now. I do not remember that happening too often these last few weeks. This morning (it is now 11:55am) I am again feeling a bit hungry and a bit weak, but I am going to wait until my class breaks for lunch… unless I really feel that I need it. I am planning this because I know that it will be a very long day, and that while I have been teaching now for 2.5 hours, I have another nine hours of teaching to go. I cannot cheat because if I do, I will likely find myself with an empty tank way too early in the evening. My plan for the day is, once again, to stay on the course and not cheat. If I can get through the day, I know that tomorrow is a shorter day (which is to say that I am teaching from 9:30am until 6:00pm, rather than to 9:30pm), and I will be able to get through it with greater ease… and if the weather cooperates, I might even be able to enjoy a cigar on the balcony with my wife (over video chat). I am, however, looking forward to the weekend in a way that I have not in a very long time.

    Have a great day folks!