Losing a part of me

Category: Non-Scale Victories

  • Day 73

    Despite my reasonably faithful adherence to the program yesterday, my weight stayed exactly where it was this morning. I suspect that is because the scale was playing April Fools games with me yesterday. I don’t mind that I do not lose weight every day… it is the days that I gain weight that bother me.

    I finished the last of the milk in my first cup of coffee this morning, so when I finish writing I will probably head to the store. I will also have to check my vegetable stocks – I think I have enough chicken and fish for a few more days, but I might as well check everything. One never knows what fish might be on sale this weekend!

    I had a non-scale victory yesterday. In 2016 my friend Eduardo bought me a bracelet for either Christmas or my birthday or for something. It did not fit until I lost a lot of weight in 2017. I know that when I can put it on, it means that I am on track losing weight. It is by no means loose on me, but it closes and is comfortable to wear. That is a good start.

    I am taking my son (the younger) for breakfast tomorrow, and I am looking forward to that. I have been chatting with my ex-wife, who tells me that she is finally having surgery on her knee in May. That has to be a relief for her, as she has been in pain for a long time. I remember seeing how hard it was for her to walk on my first visit to their house back in July, and I felt terrible for her. Hopefully this will bring her some relief.

    I have plans on the calendar for every day between now and Wednesday, which is when Leslie finally arrives. This afternoon, Eduardo is coming for a cigar. Tomorrow morning, I will see Gilad. In the afternoon I will go to Cambridge for a cigar with my friends out there. Monday I am having my summer wheels put onto the car (and I am relieved that I decided to wait until after my Montreal trip). Tuesday the cleaning lady is coming during the day, and Wednesday I get to pick up my girlfriend at the airport. I have been waiting for that last one for far too long, and I cannot wait to have her back in my arms again!

    I am halfway through my second cup of coffee… this time without any milk. I thought I might consider cutting the dairy out of my diet, but I think I will wait a few more weeks before I really consider that. I do enjoy my coffee, but since I took my first sip of it at 5 years old, I have always taken it with coffee and some sort of sweetener (at the time my father was a Sweet-n-Low guy, so that’s what I started with. I am now mostly on Sugar in the Raw). Changing it now… well, we’ll see.

    I spent some time earlier this week installing some of the apps that have always only been on my US cell phone onto my Canadian one. One thing that I did not think to transfer at the time was the app for my Garmin fitness watch. I did that this morning and went through the entire configuration process. I have not yet started to be active, but with the confluence of my weight loss thus far, and the weather starting to get nicer, I thought it a good idea to start getting ready for it. In fact, I think I am going to go for a walk right now… I can go to the supermarket to pick up milk. That will not be a very long walk, but it will be a first walk. Every journey starts with a single step and walking to the store is as good a place to start as any.

    I will mention that I am not going to go to the supermarket I would usually go to. I know that I need to buy vegetables and milk. If I needed other things then I would need to go to the Fortino’s which is a little over 2km away, and I would have to walk back of course. No, the grocery store nearest is about 400m from here, and that will be fine. I might, now that I think of it, also walk to the pharmacy, which is probably another 500m from the grocery, so that would be a really good start! I make no promises… we will see how I am feeling after I get out there.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 70

    I noticed that while I am teaching, I am going through lozenges like they are candy. I have to wonder if it is because I feel the need (I do speak quite a bit while I am teaching, but not so much that I would need this many of them), or if it is just a habit. I am glad I had the foresight to purchase sugar-free lozenges.

    My weight is down nearly 1.5 lbs. this morning… and I am still nearly two pounds up from what I weighed on Friday. As I said yesterday, the system is just not fair. I know that if I was following the original program to the letter – that is, drinking four shakes per day, no meals, no coffee with milk and sugar – then the weight would be melting off. I would likely be down 75 lbs. by now. I am hoping that by doing the modified program it will allow me to maintain the weight loss long-term, rather than losing a lot of weight quickly, and then gaining it all back.

    I have noticed a couple of non-scale victories in the last few days.

    1. It is easier to stand from a sitting position than it was at my heaviest weight. Whether from my office chair or from the porcelain throne, I am no longer struggling to stand as I did for a few months. If this is not a quantifiable improvement, it is certainly a noticeable one!
    2. While I am definitely not where I want to be, I am thrilled that I can walk and maintain a slightly brisk pace. It makes a world of difference when I walk with Princess Sophie, and when I am able to start walking for exercise, it will mean even more. To be clear, I could start walking for exercise anytime I want; I am waiting for the weather to cooperate. This morning the temperatures are hovering around 0°c and with the rain the sidewalks are quite slippery.
    3. In December/January, my fitness watch band secured to my right wrist on the last hole. It was only this morning that I realized it is now on the fifth hole. That is nearly an inch of improvement… in my wrist! I am looking forward to when my gold watch fits around my left wrist. It has a solid gold band and cannot be resized. The phases to it will be: Cannot close, closes tightly, closes comfortably, closes loosely. Knowing that it was my father’s, and my father was a significantly smaller man than I was, I do not expect it will be too loose. It is the sort of watch one would only wear for fancy occasions. I was thrilled in 2020 when I was able to wear it under my suit for the High Holiday services.

    I made it through Monday with very little cheating. The jar of peanuts I bought for the ride from Montreal is half full, and I took a handful as I got into the car yesterday. I suppose that will happen from time to time until the jar is empty. I will not allow myself to buy another jar. Anyhow, I much prefer the red skinned peanuts I can get at Bulk Barn to the Planters Peanuts… and I can buy much smaller quantities when I want a small treat!

    I have a number of errands to run today so I will be out and about a lot. The first of those is a doctor’s appointment for HRF… it is a routine seasonal visit to prepare her to start with the flea and tick medications. She spent most of her life in sunny Southern California, and this winter was the first season that she did not need those meds. With spring in the air, she will get them again. Hopefully they have the same gummy option that we had in the US. I know she liked those much better than the stuff we used to have to apply to the back of her neck. I suppose we will find out in an hour or so!

    After that I will bring her home, and I have to go back out. I have a few things I want to pick up at the hardware store, and I will do a little grocery shopping as well. I will likely do those errands after lunch.

    I noticed Monday that when I picked up my prescriptions from the pharmacy, there was one that was missing. My doctor had refilled my prescription for colchicine, but he had mentioned that he would be taking me off that, and putting me on a pill called allopurinol, which would help to prevent gout inflammations by keeping the levels of uric acid in my system low. There was none of that, so yesterday I called the doctor’s office, and sure enough the nurses had no record of it. The doctor is on vacation this week, but I will be able to see him next week when I go in to get weighed. As long as the colchicine is working, I am in no rush for it… but I would like to start this new regimen, which if my father’s history is any indication I will be on for the rest of my life.

    I dug up an article I wrote a couple of years ago which I decided to republish today. It is one of those encouragement articles that I felt I needed to reread over the last couple of days, knowing that I am only losing so much per week now… It is called One Pound Lose is Three Pounds of Progress. It will go live on my blog at noon today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 62

    I should be going to the doctor to get weighed today. In fact, I just decided I will. See you in a bit!

    —

    Okay, I am back… except I did not go to the doctor’s office. I thought to call, and they told me I could only come in this afternoon… at which point it would be too late. Weights fluctuate throughout the day, and I want to stick to getting weighed in the morning. Tomorrow morning, 10:00am.

    I have had a couple of non-scale victories over the last couple of days. Firstly, I am able to close all of the buttons on my spring/autumn jacket! They all pop if I bend down, but one thing at a time. Secondly, I realized this morning (after it was too late to change) that my belt is on its last hole… and is too loose to reliably hold up my pants. This will be the last day that I wear it, and I am happy to be rid of it.

    Yesterday’s food intake was pretty good… I switched up the timing of my second meal – rather than having my dinner in the evening, I had it mid-afternoon, and then had a shake in the evening. I do not think that would have any detrimental effect on my progress. The bathroom scale did register me up by less than half a pound this morning, but that is after several straight days of serious loss. I am not concerned that I am losing momentum, as I know my food intake has been pretty good (despite the handful of peanuts I had from Bulk Barn the other day).

    My plans for the day are to stay the course! I cannot think of any changes I will have to make, and I want to keep up the good work.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 54

    Happy Pi Day! As there is not a pie known to me that would be acceptable to eat within the parameters of my diet, I am going to stick to the mathematical formula.

    I did not do as well food-wise yesterday as I might have, but I certainly had the opportunity to do worse, and so I will declare victory.

    I took my sons to my usual breakfast spot in Burlington. The younger son had an Oreo concoction that looked absolutely sinful. The older son had a corned beef hash which looked a lot more up my alley, and he allowed me to take a taste. I had an omelet with cheese and onions, eschewing both the hash browns and the toast for sliced tomato. To compare my plate with theirs was akin to comparing Charles Atlas to the 98-pound weakling. I was comforted by constantly reminding myself that this is what I need to do in order to achieve my goals. I did add some hot sauce to spice it up a little…

    We returned to my apartment and watched the video of my father’s speech. Gilad was tired, and a little saddened by the video of his grandfather and went to sleep in my arms. It was one of the most heartwarming things I can remember. Aaron was glad to hear the stories and wondered aloud to me why Zaide never shared some of them while he was alive. I told him that I had heard most (but not all) of the stories… and what he did not share, he probably just thought he would have more time.

    When the video was over, Gilad was still an immoveable object. Aaron and I went onto the patio for a cigar, and we had a conversation about many things… some of which were painful for him. I will not go into details. It was still not a warm day, and after half a cigar we decided to go back inside. By this point we were able to roust Gilad, and they went home. I made a salad with a can of salmon. It did not satisfy me. I then decided (maybe 90 minutes later) to prepare my dinner (it was 4:30pm) and so I had another salad with a fresh salmon tail. I was still not satisfied. Over the course of the evening, I had one meal replacement shake and one meal replacement bar. All in all, I ate more than I should have, but not terribly so.

    I mentioned that the restaurant is one that I often frequent. I found it heartwarming that one of the waitresses told me she had planned to email me this week to see if I was okay. I told them I was, but that my weight-loss plans did not include breakfasting out. She congratulated me on my efforts, although there was no ‘Well you look great…’ I suppose despite losing 35 pounds so far (approximately) I have a very long way to go.

    In the evening, Leslie and I were discussing our upcoming trip, and we got on-line to order my beach shirts. I have a tradition of wearing very floral, Hawaiian-looking shirts when I am in Cuba. We found seven that we loved, but one of them will not ship until May, and so we ordered six of them. I also tried on my bathing suits, disappointed that neither of them will likely fit yet by the time we go, and so we found a couple of bathing suits that should do me well. It is much cheaper to buy these things in the US, and so I ordered them to Leslie’s place. The added benefit of this is that she will be here in a few weeks and will bring them all. Anything that does not fit, I will send back and order the right size.

    I then decided to try again. You may remember that I have one pair of pants in Size 44 that did not fit me yet. They are the same brand as a couple of the other pair that I have been wearing but are a smaller cut. I tried them on last night. Lo and behold, they are tight… but they fit! These non-scale victories are so much more rewarding than the numbers on an unreliable scale.

    Speaking of the scale, this morning my weight was down once again… almost half a pound from yesterday. There were a couple of bad weeks, but I am back on track and hope to stay that way. I am going to the tailor the end of next week, and I hope to be in a good place. I have decided, however, that I will likely buy fewer clothes than I originally had planned. I do not want to spend too much money on clothes that I hope to no longer be able to wear in a couple of months. We’ll see… I have ten days to make up my mind. I will definitely be buying some shirts, but suits? We’ll see.

    The weather is warming up. Today’s high should reach 8°c, dropping to 3°c tomorrow… then up to 10°c and 16°c for Wednesday and Thursday. In fact, the ten-day forecast only has one number below zero, the -3°c that is today’s low, which is what it was when I took HRF out for her walk this morning. Being mid-March, it is not unheard of that the below-zero weather is officially behind us for the season, which means that cigars on the balcony will become even more commonplace than they have been over the winter.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 53

    Saturday was another good day, if not a great diet day. When Ryan called and asked if I wanted to drive out to Cambridge for a cigar, I packed Her Floofness into the car and we drove out there. Three cigars were no problem; the peanuts were not a good choice, but I forgot to bring meal replacements. Glen (Ryan’s dad) insisted I stay for dinner, and as they were having a chicken Caesar salad, I did not see the harm. There was way more dressing on the salad than was strictly necessary, and I was surprised that the lettuce maintained its structural integrity. I also could not resist the homemade garlic bread. All in all, not the worst cheat day… but I have to remember to bring my meal replacements with me when I go out for more than a couple of hours.

    The bathroom scale was once again generous this morning; if it can be trusted, I have lost ten pounds since last Saturday… although how accurate that is I do not know. Still and all, I am feeling a little better than I was. There is one last pair of pants that I have not fit into yet; I think I will try them on this afternoon to see if I am any closer to success with them. They are the last pair in Size 44 that did not fit; once they do, my next goal will be the Size 42 bin! Both of those will be tremendous non-scale victories.

    My sons asked me to take them for brunch today, and so in a few minutes they will arrive here, and we will head out to the restaurant. They generally like a particular chain that is originally from Quebec, but I have grown tired of it over the years. I recommended my regular (pre-diet) breakfast establishment, and after they perused the menu, they both agreed that it would do. I only hope the wait is not too long. The weather is supposed to warm up today, but as we are now (10:00am Sunday morning) my face felt like it was freezing off on the last few minutes of the walk with HRF. Because of the pandemic, when you arrive at the restaurant you give your name, and then you wait outside for them to call you. We would obviously wait in the car, but I am hoping we don’t have to that for too long.

    Leslie and I had another conversation about Cuba last night. She told me originally that she was not going to get too excited about the trip; I suspect she is losing that fight with herself. It probably does not hurt that I keep talking to her about how relaxing the trip will be!

    I am hoping that the weather will warm up enough so that this afternoon I will be able to comfortably sit outside with a cigar, and if it is I have some reading to do to prepare for a conversation I have to have this week. If not, then I will sit inside and do the same reading… it just won’t be quite as enjoyable.

    The kids just walked in so we are heading out. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 19

    While I worked most of the weekend, I did have a friend over for a cigar on the balcony yesterday. It was a beautiful and sunny day, and he and I (and Princess Sophie) were able to enjoy it to the fullest.

    I had a real non-scale victory last night. Yesterday evening, while video-chatting with Leslie, I decided I wanted to try on the pants that I had put aside with the tag ‘Try again February 10.’ She was so happy for me that they fit! It wasn’t like ‘OMG if I hold my stomach in as much as I can then maybe with a crowbar and a cinch, I will be able to close them… barely’ either… I am wearing them comfortably today. So many of my NSVs will revolve around clothes, and that is just fine by me. The fit of a shirt or a pair of pants can be a much more visible and tangible sign of improvement than numbers on a scale.

    It was great to spend time with my sons on Saturday. Sunday evening my phone rang, and on the other end was a screaming child. My poor son (the younger) was having a terrible meltdown and was in an uncontrollable hysteria. My poor son (the elder) and his mother were trying to settle things, and one of them thought that speaking to me might help. I am more than a little ashamed to say that I am familiar with such tantrums firsthand, having had similar issues myself as a child. Where my older son thought that I might be able to soothe and calm his brother, I was much more effective in counselling him, and explaining to him why he had to take a step back. His mother, who was listening the whole time, must have worked hard to keep her jaw from falling, and likely wished that I had been so wise with my counsel and my child (as well as adult) psychology when we were married. The regrets I have from my years married to her, and from all of the years that I have been a father, will be a shadow over my soul until the day that I die. If only I had a time machine…

    I stuck to the program pretty well throughout the day; being able to smoke two cigars certainly helped, as did the fact that I was busy working from morning to night. I enjoyed my chicken and salad for dinner, and I enjoyed my regular meal replacements the rest of the time. I do not think I even had any almonds.

    This morning, after dealing with a client issue where the sky was falling, I picked my friend/cleaning lady up from the train station and asked if she minded that we make a quick stop at the supermarket, where I picked up chicken and lettuce. As we walked into the house, she asked me if I had given up on my diet program. I was able to excitedly share that not only had I not given up, but I was doing really well on it. I showed her the bins into which I sorted all of my ‘not yet’ clothes and showed off that as of last night I no longer have a ‘try on soon’ shelf. She is a good friend and has always been very supportive with my weight loss… although she is also happy to help me enjoy an all-you-can-eat sushi meal when I am not watching my weight!

    Today’s work, now that the worst of the fire has been contained, consists mainly of watching numbers go up and make sure that they do not crash, which means that while I cannot be far from my computer, I can be on the balcony with a cigar after my lunch… which will start in just a few minutes.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 17

    My unreliably measured weight loss continues at a steady pace, and I am happy for that. I really do wish that I could be certain of the exact numbers on the scale, but I am not willing to move out of my apartment just to be able to weigh myself properly. Maybe when they re-open I will join a health club that has a reliable scale. Of course, the scale would not be the biggest benefit to joining a gym.

    Knowing that I cannot rely on my weigh-ins, I am forced to focus on something that is probably more important… if more difficult to chart. Non-scale victories (NSVs) are those things you notice have improved, or that you are able to do now that you could not do before. For example, wearing certain shirts without my belly showing will be a non-scale victory. Being able to comfortably wear the pants that I set aside to ‘try on again in a few weeks’ will be a non-scale victory. No longer being able to wear my larger pants because they fall right off will be a non-scale victory.

    Those are all quantifiable non-scale victories… and I while have not yet achieved any of them, I know that I am close. The shirt that I put on this morning still reveals my belly… but not nearly as much. I also feel that the pair of jeans I put on are a bit loose on me, and I needed to notch-up my belt in order to hold them up. I am likely a week or two away from wearing a pair of pants that did not fit me last week during ‘The Great Sorting,’ but any improvement is improvement.

    What are unquantifiable non-scale victories is that I am having an easier time of walking Princess Sophie… and it is no longer so painful to bend down and clean up after her (you know what I mean… don’t make me say it!). I spent about thirty minutes reorganizing my humidor this morning, which while I enjoy it, does take a toll on my knees and on my back. Today, it was much less an effort than it had been.

    Until I am able to reliably weigh myself, I am going to be satisfied with the non-scale victories. After all, those are really more important. How I feel, how well I am able to breathe and walk and bend down are what matter. Yes, I want to fit into my smaller clothes, so that is also important… but I am turning 50 years old in July, and I have to start paying closer attention to my health.

    Last night, I enjoyed my first meal in a little over two weeks. I prepared a piece of chicken and a salad. I might have over-seasoned the chicken, and it was amazing. It spent twenty-five minutes cooking in the air fryer, and then another ten minutes sitting patiently (in the same place) while I finished my phone call. I also prepared a salad – romaine lettuce base, with a slice of Vidalia onion, half of a vine-ripened tomato, one third of a cucumber, and a tablespoon of pumpkin seeds, then a teaspoon of sesame oil, and a few shakes of balsamic vinegar. It all comes out to about 400 calories, which is quite reasonable, especially since I only had three meal replacements and a handful of almonds yesterday. My daily intake was less than 1000 calories.

    Going forward, I will be having a similar meal every day. I do not want to fall off the program, but I am going to try the hybrid approach. Julie (my diet buddy) and I spoke last night, and she agrees that it is not a bad idea. With her hoping to visit Florida for Spring Break (she is a teacher), she told me she is going to stay the course with the program as best she can… although she has been having difficulties. I have already mentioned how much more difficult it is to do the program when you have teenagers in the house. It must be so much harder still when you are the one responsible for putting food on their plate. I do not envy her.

    I did not sleep well last night. Princess Sophie woke me up twice in the night – both times less than an hour after I had finally fallen asleep. The first time I took her out for a walk, the second time I coaxed her back into bed. I know my girl, and while she would have peed had we gone outside, it would have been minimal… and the effort of getting dressed and going, then settling back in (when it might take me another three hours to fall asleep again) was not worth the entertainment value to my girl who was just bored.

    I am working today but will make the time to take my meal replacements… one of which is due right now. Have a great day!