Losing a part of me

Category: Progress

  • Day 15 – A streak!

    As I was sitting with my friend watching hockey yesterday, she ordered a plate of Buffalo wings. When they arrived, I asked her for the celery (which she was happy to give me, and even ordered extra celery for me). While there is a misconception that celery actually has negative calories, in fact I know that I probably consumed a full fifteen calories in that cheat. If I were to do that every single day of my diet, I would consider it a resounding success.

    Of course, I do not plan to do that every day… but between wanting one of the wings and wanting a piece of celery, I think we can all agree that I made the right call.

    Aside from the celery, I was true to the program again yesterday. That makes three straight days of only meal replacements, and two days of 800 calories. We take our victories where we can, right?

    While I had lost weight before gaining it all back, I now weigh what I did on January 3rd of this year. I have a long way to go to where I want to be, but positive progress is always good.

    I was sleeping so well last night when HRF Princess Sophie told me that she needed to go out. I was not happy about it, but I know she was not feeling well yesterday – she had not one, but two accidents in the house. The first time my son called me to say she had an accident in my room, and he cleaned it up. When I got home she had had another accident, this time in the kitchen… only my son was asleep, so I cleaned it up. My poor girl is usually very regular and disciplined, so when this happens it means that she is having tummy issues, and I take it seriously. We went out at about 12:15am, and even though I forgot my phone at home, I stayed out with her until I felt she was ready to go back inside – around 12:45am. Fortunately I was able to get right back to sleep, and my pretty girl snuggled into me comfortably for the night.

    It has been just over five months since I moved from Canada. When I arrived – or at least, the day that I unpacked my bathroom scale – I weighed three pounds less than I do today. That was my lowest weigh-in since arriving. I suppose then that will be my first milestone to achieve. I hope I will be able to hit it within the next week, and at the pace I am going it might be as soon as Thursday or Friday. I suppose my next big milestone after that would be to reach my lowest weight of 2026; As of today, that is just over twenty-six pounds away. With that said, that would be forty-nine pounds from my starting point, so really it should be within a few days of my goal of fifty by New Years. Let’s just put those two milestones together as one.

    I am sometimes an idiot! I have had in my mind when I hit that twenty-pounds down mark that I then had a little over a month to lose the rest of the fifty pounds I was shooting for by News Years. I just a few minutes ago realized that as of today there are sixty-six days until New Years Eve, which means I don’t have just over a month… I have just over two months left! That changes things. It is not that I am going to ease off my efforts; rather, I am going to change my goal. I am not going to advertise it, but I would love to have lost (from Day 1, two weeks ago today) seventy-five pounds by New Years Day. That would be 75 pounds in 80 days… and while it would be one helluva feat, it would not be unprecedented for me on this program. All that is required is that I do not cheat… not one bit.

    How should I maximize my chances of success with that plan to not cheat? A lot of it will involve planning ahead. For example: When I leave the apartment at 3pm, I might be out until 11pm some nights. If I have had three meal replacements before I leave the house, I should make sure to bring two with me to have as needed. I have a small cooler that I can take with me to ensure that the bars to not melt; I did that yesterday with good results. That way, rather than being tempted to eat ‘out in the wild,’ I will have what I am meant to be eating. Yes, I know that I could if needed buy a small packet of almonds; I do not want to do that. What I want to do is stay on my damned program! I also need to remember to drink a lot of water. In my case, this is simple – when I arrive at my local bar every one of the bartenders knows to pour me a pint of soda water… and to keep refilling the glass as needed. I love the staff there!

    If I do succeed in losing 75 pounds by New Years Eve then that will also take me somewhat significantly under a major psychological number. How great would that be?

    I think I mentioned yesterday that I did a whole lot of organizing in my room. My next step is the closet, which I spent twenty minutes on today (and it needs hours more). One of the things that I need to do – which I took a good swing at this morning – is to sort out my clothes (specifically my custom tailored suits, jackets, and shirts) by weight category. Once I have done that, I can put them away in drawers or bins which will go a long way to decluttering my closet. I realized, as I went through things, that I have a lot of clothes that fit in the range of about 60-70 pounds lower than I am now. I can live with that… but it will take me a huge effort to get there. I am going to get there. In fact, I am going to get past there so that I can fit into the clothes that I had made when I weighed one hundred pounds less than I do today. It is just going to take time, focus, and dedication.

    Okay, I suppose I should close out for now. I have some things I need to get done today that are actually work. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 14 – Achievement unlocked

    The achievement that I unlocked is not a weight loss milestone… although I probably hit a couple of those in the last days. I am proud of myself that I got through yesterday on five meal replacements – 800 calories on the day – and nothing more.

    I had a shake for breakfast, and then did a whole lot of organization in my bedroom, finally making real progress (I’ve only lived here three months!) to it being liveable and presentable. It was 2:30pm before I realized it, and I had a bowl of stew (which was better than I’d expected) and then a smores bar for a dessert.

    I went to the cigar lounge for a couple of hours and chatted with some of the guys there. I knew I was going to go to the bar in the evening, but I wanted to go home to see the new shelving unit that my son picked up and put together for me – it is an Ikea unit so there were no surprises, and of course he did a fine job of assembling it. I had a bowl of tortilla soup, and as I was getting ready to leave the house I decided to grab another meal replacement bar; I would not eat it right away, but I felt that it was smart to have in the car in case I got peckish before it was time to come home.

    My friend Al joined me at the bar after the cigar lounge closed, We smoked another cigar, and then as we left the bar I told him that I was looking forward to devouring the bar that was in my car, which is exactly what I did. It was delicious, or maybe just seemed so because I was so hungry.

    I got into bed at around midnight, I watched a little bit of television, and then I turned out the lights around 1am… without eating anything more.

    I was not sure how difficult the transition was going to be from 900 calories to 800 calories, and especially knowing that I had not been following the original program very well. Yesterday I proved to myself that I can do it… and I will continue to try to do the program without incorporating peanuts or almonds… and especially without plates of pasta from my favourite Italian restaurant.

    Today is the last day of my second week on the program. My weight is down about twenty pounds in that time which means that I am about thirty pounds from achieving my goal of fifty pounds by New Years Day. I know of course that the pace of weight loss will abate greatly now – otherwise I would be on track to lose more than sixty pounds in that time – but it should still be doable. If previous attempts at this program are an indication then I can still expect to lose 6-7 pounds per week for the next couple of months. That would get me to exactly my goal by December 31st.

    What angers me is that I regained all of the weight I lost the last time… and the time before that. I have to find a way to meet my weight loss goals, and then to stay there permanently. It will involve serious lifestyle changes that will have to incorporate both diet and exercise. It will be a challenge. I have never shied away from a challenge.

    Have a great Sunday folks.

  • Day 13 WOWZA

    I find it funny that for someone who is really pretty good at doing math in my head I spent so much time trying to calculate my total caloric intake for yesterday.

    My new order of meal replacements arrived after lunch, so:

    2x Canadian meal replacements @ 225 each: 450 calories

    3x US meal replacements @ 160 each: 480 calories

    Total: 930 calories

    There was no pasta, no salad, no almonds or nuts of any kind. Aside from my coffee (the milk and sugar in the coffee) I ingested 930 calories. Result: after gaining 1.2 lbs. yesterday morning, I dropped 3.6 lbs. today. Yay.

    I have not had any of the soups yet, but I have tried the bars and the shakes, and both are very tasty. Let’s see if that helps me to succeed.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Week 2 begins…

    I did not weigh myself the morning of Day 1, so I cannot be certain of my exact progress at the beginning of the second week. It is approximately fifteen pounds based on my weigh-in the previous day, and the night. I’ll take it.

    I ate weird yesterday. I had my first two meal replacements as expected, but then was out for the rest of the day and so could not easily have my third and fourth. The peanuts are finished, so in lieu of the third meal replacement I found a package of unsalted almonds (1.5oz) which was a good substitute. I then sat at my bar until nearly midnight, and while I was hungry when I got home… I decided to skip my fourth meal replacement of the day and go to bed slightly hungry. Because of the nutrients required to stay healthy I know to not make a habit of this… but once in a while, it will not hurt.

    As I dressed to teach this morning I am wearing the same pants I wore yesterday so there is no difference there; my shirt is one that I was able to wear comfortably ten days ago, so I do not think that is an indicator. The sports jacket that I am wearing… that feels a bit looser than it did ten days ago in Indiana. Not only am I able to sit down in it comfortably, but I was also worried about the fit over the holstered firearm in my belt. Do I need to be armed while teaching? Of course not! I am wearing it because I am trying to get used to wearing it. I suspect that as I lose the weight it will continue to feel more comfortable, and I will need to carry it less.

    On a subject partially related to the firearm: I was excited that my new eyeglasses were meant to arrive today for many reasons, not the least of which is that I am hoping it will help with my aim. I also find that as I sit looking at my computer screens, I am squinting more than I used to. Perhaps that will be helped a bit. Well, I woke up to an email that said they are now due to arrive tomorrow. Will one extra day make a huge difference? It will not.

    My initial self-challenge statement was that I would lose fifty pounds from last Monday to New Years… something like 49 days. I am not posting progress charts on my fridge, I am simply doing my best. I know that Week 1 will always produce the most extreme results, so I am guardedly optimistic that I am now about thirty-five pounds from that goal with 42 days to go. These last three days the progress has been one pound per day, and that will not continue. Might I reach my goal? Perhaps. Will I be successful if I do not meet that goal by New Years, but continue to lose all of the weight I want to lose? Yes… but only if I can keep it off.

    Have a great day folks.

  • 2026 Day 27

    I woke up this morning well rested, refreshed, and ready to start the day. It is now 11:30am and I have not accomplished anything that I had originally set out to do today, but it has been a productive morning nonetheless, which included a ninety minute conversation with my son the elder.

    Wow did I sleep well! Here is what my fitness watch tracked:

    • Sleep score: 96 (Excellent)
    • Duration: 7h22m (Excellent)
    • Stress: 11 avg (Excellent)
    • Deep: 1h31m (Excellent)
    • Light: 3h53m (Excellent)
    • REM: 1h59m (Excellent)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 5m, 32 Restless Moments (Excellent)

    Since I started looking at the details this is only the second morning that every single measurement is rated Excellent. I’ll take it! I had set my alarm for 7:15am, and my eyes popped open at 7:13am. That is how to play it!

    My weight is down two pounds from the last two days. I am super happy about that, not only because that means I am now officially down 10kg from the day of my November doctor appointment, but also because it might mean that I am back on track.

    I have a lot of work to do today, including a lot of studying for an exam that I need to schedule for either later this week or early next. I cannot procrastinate any further. Have a great day folks!

  • 2026 Day 23

    First and foremost… it is bone-chillingly cold out there. Princess Sophie begrudgingly went out for a very quick pee, and then turned right around and headed inside to the warmth and comfort of our neighbour’s couch. Even with her pretty sweater she was having none of it. The fact that I have to go out – and to downtown Toronto no less – fills me with dread. My original plan was to take a relaxed train ride into the city, but with this cold I checked and there is plenty of indoor parking at my destination, and so I will go by car. Aside from the cold, there is a security issue as well. I am picking up sensitive documents that I cannot lose for any reason, and the chances of having my backpack stolen on the train are greater than if I got safely into my car.

    My weight was down nearly another pound this morning, which means that I have dropped 17.8 lbs. since my Day 1 (despite the week of falling off the wagon), and 20 lbs. even since I saw my doctor in November, which puts my weight loss since then at just over nine kilos… and one kilogram away from fulfilling my promise when I see her on Monday. I will be very happy if I can achieve that, despite how disappointed I am with myself knowing how much better I could have done. Those damned stressors and anxieties.

    After two pretty bad nights, I slept well last night. In fact, compared to the previous nights, I slept like a baby!

    • Sleep score: 82 (Good)
    • Duration: 6h39m (Fair)
    • Stress: 14 avg (Good)
    • Deep: 1h15m (Excellent)
    • Light: 4h05m (Good)
    • REM: 1h19m (Fair)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 6m, 30 Restless Moments (Excellent)

    At some point in the middle of the night Her Floofness woke me up because she wanted a drink, and I took that as an opportunity to pee. I had an alarm set for 6:15am because of my planned foray into Toronto, so my sleep really was time limited. With all that, I know that any night I do not turn off the lights before 11:45pm will not be excellent… but I’ll take it.

    At this point I am just procrastinating. I do not want to leave the house before 9am to avoid the worst of the traffic, but at the same time I do not want to leave so late that my return would inhibit productivity this afternoon. I have a lot to get done, and I want to get it done!

    Have a great day folks!

  • 2026 Day 8

    I did not expect to sleep nearly as well last night as I did the previous night. I never sleep as well when I teach into the late evening. The fact that my sleep score was a 66 (Fair) is a minor victory.

    I cheated far too badly yesterday to expect a decent reading on the bathroom scale this morning. My weight edged down ever so slightly (.2 lb.), which kept me just short of the fifteen-pound mark for the week. With that said, I lost 14.8 lbs. in my first week, and I know that I ate far too many peanuts to even expect that. I am satisfied with my weight loss, and will try to cut the peanuts out completely this week.

    Her Royal Floofness had her spa appointment yesterday and she looks absolutely stunning (and everyone agrees). She asked to go out after my class last night, and of course I indulged her. She was not at all pleased by the cold and blowing snow, and she decided it was going to be a very short walk. At one point, she initiated the PDS (Poop-Dance Sequence), but when the wind gusted and howled she looked at me and said ‘Nope… I’ll hold it until the morning.’ We went back inside, and she cozied up into her bed waiting for me to climb in. This morning the weather was equally unpleasant, except seeing as the blowing snow had not let up, there was now nearly a foot of accumulation. She was going to call it off… until she saw her friend Winston, and ran out to play with him (and to show off her new hairdo). She found a section of a neighbour’s lawn that was nearly bare because of the wind, and did her business there… and then said ‘TAKE ME TO SUE’S COUCH NOW!’ It might be a couple of days before she goes out for her complete long walk again.

    I had already told my Lodge that I would not be trekking out to Grimsby for this evening’s meeting; I am not sure if it has been decided officially, but I suspect that we might cancel tonight’s meeting for weather. Whether we do or not, I will not be digging my car out today. I will take Princess Sophie out for another walk this evening, but that is as far as I plan to go. The peanuts that are left in my car will sit there for another day… or two or three, because tomorrow is another very long day for me.

    I suddenly have two classes scheduled for Europe over the next few weeks. Next week, I will be teaching Tuesday through Friday ‘in Germany,’ and the second week of February I will be teaching a week-long class ‘in the United Kingdom.’ As nice as it would be to travel to those places, I will be doing it from home… which means teaching overnight and trying to sleep during the day. How fun. At least I am earning a decent living these days. I know that these contracts will be great, but they will severely affect my sleep schedule. My bigger concern is staying true to my weight loss program, which is harder to do when my schedule is off like that.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 7

    The last few days have been a huge bell curve. I mentioned a couple of days ago that one evening this week a friend brought me Vietnamese pho, which is extremely salty, and that I ate that for two days. In short, from Monday to Thursday my weight was up over five pounds, which really did not do anything good for my mental state. This morning I was pleased to see that I had dropped all of that excess weight, likely caused by retaining water based on the high sodium content of the soup. Phew. I have dropped 8.2 lbs. in the first week… not bad, could be better.

    I am not in a good head space right now. A combination of personal and financial issues are weighing on me. Last night I was sleeping like a baby… until I woke up to pee at 4:00am. It probably took me 45 minutes to get back to sleep. Somehow my sleep score was still 88… I am glad I did not give up and pick up my phone to start reading.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Is today Day 5?

    It is hard to accept that it is Day Five of my program because I have not stuck to it religiously. I am going to stick to it mostly for a few days or weeks, but will definitely be diving in completely after a time. In the meantime, my weight is down 8.2 lbs. in this time. I promised my doctor that I would lose ten kilos (22 lbs.) by our next appointment (February 1st) but I would love to blow her expectations out of the water and lose as much as fifteen kilos (33 lbs.)

    I mention that my weight as of this morning is down 8.2 lbs., but I need to point out that I stepped on the scale four times and got three different results, and the loss is based on the second and fourth reading. I hate the inconsistency of it, and wish I had a completely solid and reliable floor on which to place my bathroom scale. I do like my apartment, but the floors have been a disaster since I moved in over four years ago, and they have only gotten worse over time.

    I will not necessarily be journaling every day on this new effort, but I will check in a couple of times per week… and definitely will discuss failures, successes, and feelings.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1298

    I wrote yesterday that when I fell off the wagon on Friday, I bought enough chicken and vegetables for two days, in addition to a challah. What I forgot to mention (and this was a complete blank on my part – that’s what sleep deprivation can do) is that I also bought from the prepared food counter (never a good destination for a dieter) a container of onion rings. It was because I had forgotten about this major transgression that I had a bit of trouble accepting that my weight jumped two pounds day-over-day. Worse, I had gained 3.6 lbs. in four days. As soon as I remembered that, it all made sense.

    I weighed myself twice this morning – once before taking Princess Sophie for her walk, and once after we got home; I had made coffee, I had prepared my meal replacement shake, I had sat down at the computer, and I had even typed in the first couple of sentences of this article before the urge hit. A productive bowel movement was just what the doctor ordered. Not only do I feel better, but instead of the .2 lb. drop from my first encounter with the bathroom scale, the drop from yesterday is now 1.4 lbs.; that is a good start, but I still have 2.2 lbs. from what I weighed five days ago.

    Yesterday was the first day in a month that I did not have a single meal replacement. For breakfast, I had challah with margarine. When I was finished eating, I removed the remaining challah from the bag… and threw it in the garbage. Just having it around would be too tempting. Around 2:30 I prepared the remaining chicken and salad. After running an errand, I picked up a handful of peanuts, and four dried peaches. That was it. I am done.

    This morning is not a new Day 1. Rather, it is Day 32… knowing that I fell off for two of those days.

    In addition to being able to void my system, I can also brag this morning of a wonderful night sleep. According to my fitness watch, my sleep score of 92 is the result of 8h55m of balanced and optimal sleep stages. After the last week, as well as knowing what is ahead of me, I am relieved. It was very much needed!

    It is going to be a beautiful day today… hot and sunny, with a high of 32°. I will spend most of the day at my computer preparing for my class which starts tomorrow… or should I say because of the time zone shift… at 2:00am tonight. That means that for Day 1 (which is tonight) I need to be online at 1:00am. Yes, I have now set my alarm for 12:30am for tomorrow, and 1:00am for the rest of the week… and the next week. Oh what fun we will have! I have friends who work the night shift on a regular basis, so I have nothing to complain about. I actually enjoy it to a degree… but the transition can be less than fun.

    The course that I am teaching is a very advanced cybersecurity class, and I am really looking forward to it. This will be the first time I have taught the course, thus why I will spend the day going over the material and the labs. It will be exhilarating to be sure… but every time I teach a new course – especially one at this level – I get a bit nervous. Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance, right? That’s my plan.

    My plan for the week is to stay on my program… and to try to shift my circadian rhythm for the fortnight. In other words: When I wake up at 12:30am it will be my early morning. After getting dressed I will have my breakfast shake… let’s call that 1:15am. When my class breaks for lunch I will take Princess Sophie for her walk, and on my return I will have my midday meal replacement… we should get back from that walk at around 6:45am. Class ends at 11:00am, and I will spend the next 30 minutes reading and answering emails. I will probably need until noon to deal with everything else that is on my plate. At that point I will have meal replacement number three. I have a few things to deal with in the afternoon, but by 4:30pm I should be able to have my fourth and final meal replacement. I will take Princess Sophie out for our second walk of the day, and when we get home it will be time to go to sleep so that I can hopefully get seven good hours of it.

    That is the goal. Will I be able to stick to it? I do not know. I always underestimate the challenges posed by the transition from a diurnal to a nocturnal lifestyle. All I know is that I will do my best.

    Speaking of doing my best… it’s time to hit the books. Have a great day folks!