Losing a part of me

Category: Progress

  • Day 880

    I told Leslie that I would not overdo it yesterday on my jog/walk, but I am not sure if I followed through on that or not. While the thermometer read 31°, it hardly felt to be over 22° (probably because of the wind), and it even rained for about fifteen minutes. All this to say that I ended up jogging the first 2km (average pace 7m20s) and then walked another 9.65km (average pace 9m48s) … with a few stops. I stopped under the railway bridge to escape the worst of the rain, then I stopped into three different stores (Bulk Bark, once again to escape the rain, and to collect some almonds to nourish my body!), and I stopped into both Shopper’s Drug Mart and Longo’s to do a bit of necessary shopping – including replenishing both my fibre and my coffee. It was a successful walk indeed, although I confess, I probably overdid it just a little bit. My total steps for the day (which included two walks with Princess Floof) came to 22,742… by far my highest step count since my first full day in Havana in February (and only the fifth day this calendar year that I have exceeded 20,000 steps). I am definitely feeling the effects in both my legs and my back today. In fact, I think I will go and take a Tylenol…

    Okay, I did that, and also a few other tasks that needed to be performed today. Now I can continue to write, and then try to get some work done.

    I ate two things off the program yesterday: I already mentioned that I bought a handful of almonds at Bulk Barn during my walk. In the evening, I was still quite hungry, and I decided to indulge with a protein bar. I regretted it at the time, but knowing how much exercising I did throughout the day I do not think it was the worst thing I could have done.

    There are probably two other things (aside from my exercise and my meal replacements) that account for my weight loss these last couple of days. I have been drinking a lot of water, and I have been adding at least three teaspoons of fibre powder to my meal replacements each day. I suppose that may also account for the fact that for the second day in a row, I had a decent bowel movement in the morning, and then after my morning shake, I had a second one. I will probably lower that to two teaspoons per day, as I do not think I will really have enough solids in my body to warrant it. We’ll see how I continue to do.

    Speaking of weight loss, my weight dropped another 1.6 lbs. this morning, bringing me below my weight from the day that I decided to go off the program for a week (which became two weeks). It is still .6 lb. higher than the previous day, which would be my lowest weight since I rededicated myself to the program, and my lowest weight since March 12. My lowest weight of this calendar year was 259.4 lbs. on January 22; I am currently 17.8 lbs. from that day, and I am hoping to get back there pretty quickly. Of course, I know that in sixteen days Leslie will be arriving, and no matter how well I do between now and then I will be taking a week off the program while she is here. I doubt that I can lose nearly eighteen pounds in sixteen days, but it would be great to be under that by the end of July.

    (It can also be noted that I weigh 38.6 lbs. more than my best weight ever, which was on October 18 of last year… 244 days ago. If I can get back to that weight by October 18 then I will have lost a year but regained my footing and all of my progress.)

    I think I will take a day to rest from exercising today, if only to give my sore leg muscles time to recover. With that said, I ate two things off the program yesterday, and I will try to not do that today… although if I can keep it to one of the two, then I will be satisfied with that success.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 862

    Today is the tenth day of my latest kick at this can, and I have a lot to show for it.

    • I am wearing pants that I was not even able to button up a month ago!
    • According to my fitness watch I am on an 11-day streak for hitting my steps goal!
    • I have dropped over fifteen pounds!

    All of these are great, but I know I have a long way to go.

    The daily steps goal on my fitness watch is progressive, which means that the more steps I take over previous days, the higher the goal is. According to Garmin, my steps goal for today is 14,610. Maybe that is the reason I let Her Floofness take longer than usual on her walk this morning… I would walk ahead and then circle back to where she was. When I come in from our morning walks my watch usually reads around 2300 steps. Today it was 3200. Excellent. I have a long way to go before hitting that ultimate goal, but I also have a lot of day ahead of me.

    Yesterday’s workout did in fact beat my previous one. I jogged six kilometres (with all but one lap under 9:00/km) and walked one more. I wrote yesterday morning that I did not know if I would be able to hit my new workout goal (to jog 6km), but I did. My next goal: to jog 7km. Will I do that today? I do not know. Will I try? Count on it.

    My eating yesterday was a bit problematic. Following my workout I ate a protein bar (as I had said I would try). I was still feeling hungry, and I went to the car to take some almonds. I am looking forward to not having any almonds in the car and having to get through the day without them… or at least buying the actual recommended portion of almonds and not just taking a scoop and calling that ‘a bit more than a handful.’ I will keep trying.

    One change to my behaviour on the program this time that I was never very good with is that I am making sure to add a teaspoon of fibre to two shakes per day. The result? I have had successful (and not painful) bowel movements almost every day since I started the program. This may not continue, but I will try! Those BMs have not always been first thing in the morning (as would normally be the case for me), so the potential weight loss they might represent would only show the following day. For example, this morning’s movement was only after my meal replacement.

    I have to run to the supermarket to pick up coffee. I plan to pick up precisely nothing else. Oh, if they have the sugar free gum that I like then I will buy some of that too. A friend is coming over for coffee today and I realized this morning that I don’t have enough left to make a pot (I made a half pot this morning). I want to be a good host!

    The routine of hitting the treadmill right after my second shake has worked well the last few days. I know that Monday was a disaster when I pushed my workout before my second shake, but this adjustment has been great. I have found I have the energy and strength to go harder and farther once I’ve fueled my body. I will do that again today.

    With that said, I am going to get moving. I want to run to the store before my buddy comes.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 860

    Weight:

    278.0 lbs. (Down 13.8 lbs. in the week. Still up 39.4 lbs. from Best Weight Ever)

    Re-hit this weight: 4/7/2024. Had dropped below this weight: 7/16/2023.

    I do not mean to sound ungrateful that I have dropped nearly fourteen pounds in my first week on the program because I am not. On the contrary, I am extremely pleased with myself for it. I am still disappointed with myself for having lost all of that progress that I had made in my previous efforts over seven months. I will keep reminding myself every week of how long it took me to go from losing weight to gaining weight. I essentially threw away eight months of weight loss efforts with eight months of letting myself go. I will keep watching that parabola of the up to down to up… until I am once again at and beyond my best weight ever.

    Yesterday was a mostly successful day in so many respects. Two brother freemasons came over to visit and smoke cigars (one in the morning, the other in the afternoon). One of them is a mental health advocate, and while we had planned his visit a week ago, it was fortuitous timing as another brother had a mental breakdown yesterday and he was able to intervene. We discussed it, and we discussed several other mental health issues. The other one is my mentor, and we usually get together weekly to work on masonic work. He met yesterday with the doctor that I originally did the weight loss program with at the bariatric clinic because he starts the program today! While we did do some masonic practice, most of the visit I was able to advise him and to answer questions for him… many of which he probably did not realize he had. I shared this journal with him so whether it is today or in 900 days be may one day read these words. I hope that when he does, he has succeeded in finding and achieving his weight loss goals!

    Speaking of weight loss goals (and non-scale victories, I thought of another one:

    Since March of 2022 I have been going twice per year to my Hong Kong tailor to buy custom shirts and sports jackets and whatever. They are usually in town in September and February/March. When I saw them on February 29th of this year the tailor told me that this was the first time that he had seen me in a few years that I have actually gained weight. I told him that it was an anomaly, and that I would be getting back on track. He asked if I was sure, or if he wanted them to cut the clothes a little larger. I insisted that I did not want that, and that I would be losing weight again. On that day I weighed 265.8 lbs., and I was hoping that my slide would be over. When I received the shipment from them just five weeks later, the jacket was tight… and I was only able to wear it a couple of times before I had to put it in my closet… hoping that I would be able to get back into it at some point.

    From my visit to them at the end of September (9/27/23) to that visit at the end of February (2/29/24) I had gained just under 20 lbs.; before my weight slide would end, I would gain another 26.

    With that, the next goal is to:

    1. Fit comfortably into the shirts and sports jacket that arrived in April (I am currently 13 lbs. from weighing what I weighed at the fitting in February)
    2. Fit comfortably into the shirts and sports jacket that I received in November (I am 33 lbs. from weighing what I weighed at my fitting in September)
    3. When I go back to be fitted in September, I want to once again be at my best weight ever.

    The first two of these points are doable but they do not have a time limit. The last one? Can I lose forty pounds in four months? That should be achievable, but I have to stay focused on it.

    My workout yesterday was great, and I did it a lot smarter than I had the previous day. My friend left at 12:30pm, and I prepared my second meal replacement. After I drank it, I got changed and I hit the treadmill. I jogged 4km at a pace of 4.2mph, and then walked one more kilometre at a pace of 3.5mph. I felt good when I was done and hit the shower knowing that my second friend would be arriving shortly. I went down to my car to have a small handful of almonds because I was feeling hungry at that point, and I was still two hours from my next meal replacement. I would end up finishing one of the two portions of almonds (in three installments) throughout the afternoon and evening, but I think I did it smartly.

    Okay, it is time for me to get this day going, I will sit on the patio with my wife (on the phone) for an hour, then I’ll hit the treadmill. The afternoon? Yeah, I’ll be working. Fun.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 856

    While yesterday was Day 3 of my renewed program, it was the first day that I did not cheat. Okay, that is a harsh word… when dropping from over 2000 calories per day to 900 calories per day, a handful of almonds is not a cheat so much as it is an assist to get through the day. Think of it like training wheels for the first couple of days. However we might think of them, I did not have any yesterday, and so including the milk and sugar that I add to my coffee my total caloric intake yesterday was about 940. I was tired, but I made it through the day.

    Yesterday’s exercise was even better than the two previous days, even though I cannot completely account for it. At a certain point during the workout I must have smacked my fitness watch against the handrail of the treadmill and it stopped tracking. I lost about seven minutes of tracking before I noticed it. No harm, right? I know that I jogged the complete four kilometres (at 4mph, about 9m15s per kilometre) before pulling up and walking briskly for another twenty-three minutes. The total workout was one hour long, and it felt amazing. I am hoping that today or tomorrow I will be able to push that to a full hour of jogging, but I am not going to push myself too hard… I don’t want to strain anything! As it is, my back has been feeling the effects of the drastic increase in activity, and I am happy that my shower has a massage setting on it.

    Leslie may have been joking that I just have to look at a meal replacement to lose weight, but the first three days of my program have been no joke! My weight has dropped over 8 lbs. since Wednesday morning, and that is encouraging me to keep going and to keep doing better. That is one of the reasons I did not step out to buy a handful of almonds yesterday. I know that the first week’s rate of loss will not continue past that, but it is still amazing to be able to drop so much at the beginning of the program. I know that despite the current trend suggesting otherwise, I will not be dropping fifty pounds in a month… but if I could drop twenty-five pounds in the first month then I will be a very happy man! Fifty… it took me three months to lose that at the beginning of the program, and I had much more fat on me at the time. If I could get down to my best weight ever by September or October then I will be thrilled.

    It is a rainy day today, but I decided to sit outside to write anyways. I am not sure if Leslie and I will have a cigar date this morning, but if we don’t then most likely this afternoon or evening we will. I am taking my son the younger for lunch, and that will be my first real challenge of the program. I will tell him that my stomach has been bothering me and that’s why I am not eating. I do not like lying to him, but it is easier than explaining this crazy program.

    Okay, it looks like Leslie and I will be chatting so I’ll close here.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 854

    My wife has been joking, in our week leading up to restarting our diet together, that I lose weight if I even look at a meal replacement shake. While I wish that were true, I would be lying if I did not say that when I am on the program (and faithful to it) I tend to lose weight faster than others might. That is especially true on the first few days of my returning to the program, when I have been known to lose over ten (and once over fifteen) pounds in a week.

    I have been told often that it is easier for men to lose weight than it is for women, but never having been a woman I cannot attest to that. I am neither a scientist nor a medical professional of any kind, so I can only speak to my own experience. When I am able to stick to this program – a grueling one that many people would never want to try – I am able to lose weight. With that said, I think I tend to unintentionally stack the deck in my favour at the beginning. I know that if I were to have a lot of bread today then tomorrow my weight would be way up… but if I then ate sensibly and stayed away from all starches and carbohydrates tomorrow then I would shed much of that gained weight the following day. Tuesday I did not go nuts, but I did buy two rolls that I enjoyed with lunch and dinner… in addition to an apple. On Monday I had my cheat meal of the shawarma platter, as well as a bag of chips. Owing to that, my weight was up 3.4 lbs. over those two days. Yesterday I was mostly good… but I was really hungry, and so I bought a small bag of roasted and unsalted almonds, and I probably ate the equivalent of two servings of them (between 40-50 almonds). Other than that, I drank my four shakes and a pot of coffee. Not bad for a first day on the program.

    I was worried that the almonds would have impeded my success, but Leslie reassured me last night that I still consumed far fewer calories than I would on a normal non-program day. Of course she was right, and I was probably worried for nothing. When I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning I was extremely pleased to see that I had indeed dropped four pounds in one day. How amazing would it be if I could do that on a regular basis? I would only need to diet for three weeks and I would be at my ultimate goal weight! Of course that is not going to happen, and I am under no delusions that I should expect anything like that going forward. With that said, it is a good way to start, and will encourage me to keep at it… especially on those days when I do not see any drop.

    I have written before about the importance of setting short-term goals. Leslie reminded me of that last night as we were talking, and I set one on the spot. I would love to get back down to under 270 lbs. in time for her visit. From yesterday that would mean a drop of 20 lbs. in about six weeks. While that is certainly achievable, I would not have a lot of room for error in that. I will try for it though.

    Of course, that is more of a challenge and a deadline than it is a goal… so I’ve given a little thought to some other short-term goals:

    • I want to fit into all of my clothes again… especially the custom-tailored shirts and sports jackets that I vowed would never be tight on me again.
    • I want to look at my face and see the slimmer face that seemed to appear out of nowhere. As I was losing weight the last time, there seemed to be a tipping point at which my face looked slimmer and less round. I do not remember when it happened, nor when it reverted to the rounder face that I see in the mirror (and in pictures) today… but I want to get back there.
    • I want to be able to adjust my tuxedo pants to the smaller waist… and then eventually change down to the smaller pair that I bought that turned out to be too tight.

    I do not think that any of these are unreasonable… although the second goal is more subjective and difficult to quantify. I do not see why I couldn’t do all of this by my birthday… so when my wife takes me out I can look good once again.

    I marked off my progress on the fridge chart this morning and it felt good. It is a full page chart that counts down in the left-hand column from yesterday’s weight by twos. The last row at the bottom reads 240 lbs. and in the right it reads ‘Shave to Baby Face!’ in red. Giving that a little thought, knowing that I will be doing this primarily for Leslie, I will either not shave it until we are together, or else I will shave it and not start growing it back until we are. I will discuss this with her but I am sure we will figure that out.

    I exercised yesterday! As I wrote in my entry, I cleared off the treadmill and walked for nearly an hour at a pretty good pace. Once again there is a disparity between the measurements on the panel and that on my fitness watch, but I am not concerned about that. Right now I am not exercising to compete with myself, only to get back into it. At some point in the next few weeks I will calibrate them, but for the time being I am just happy that I did what I said… and will do so again today. Yes, it is a beautiful day out again… but I am still not sure how far I can go before I hit that wall… and it is safer on the treadmill. Additionally, I can watch TV on the treadmill, and I have a few shows I am catching up on.

    As I wrote yesterday and then followed up on earlier in this piece, I am trying to figure out how to comfortably space out my shakes so that I do not get too hungry throughout the day. I do not know how much more weight I might have lost had I not eaten those almonds, but I am not concerned with that. What I am aiming for is to be on the program where I can be on the program… without needing to supplement it with anything but water. Yes, I drank a lot of water yesterday, and will do so today as well.

    Dieting is never easy, and a program like the one I am on is probably more grueling than most. There may be no thought required with regard to what I eat, but I do have to figure out how to get through the day without suffering too badly. It is something I will continue to watch for. I know how my body reacted to the program starting from zero; I do not know how it will react this time around, and each time can be very different. I know that of course because this is not my first time rebooting… and each time has been different.

    I mentioned to Leslie last night that there are some things that I had forgotten from my previous attempts. She mentioned one that I had forgotten, and so thanks to her I will be adding fibre to my shakes a couple of times per day.

    When her meeting is over Leslie and I will be having a video date, but until then I guess I should try to be at least somewhat productive. I’ll write more tomorrow.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 792

    My weight dropped this morning, but not below the dreaded mark. I will keep trying. I just finished working for the week, and I have to run to the bank to exchange money. After that, I have a few things to do around the house, and I have to take Her Royal Floofness for her walk. I do not think it will be a long walk at the snow has been coming down all day, but I am going to give her that opportunity. After that… dinner, and then I have a video chat. Hopefully the snow will still allow me to smoke on the balcony… even if I need to light the heater.

  • Day 732

    I was pleased to record another significant drop in my weight from yesterday morning, extending my streak to five days in a row. I do not know if I should be celebrating that I am back below the 260 lbs. mark just yet, knowing that I achieved that in August, and then fell off the wagon in October. I am still 21 lbs. heavier than I was on my best day, and that is a lot of lost ground that I need to recover. I will get there… but I know it will take time. Looking at my charts, it took me a little more than two months to drop from 262 lbs. to 238 lbs. the last time. If I can stick with my program, I should be able to get back there by mid-March or so. I can live with that. It is just a shame that I let myself fall off the way I did. While I know that psychological trauma and depression are the reasons, I do not like making excuses for myself. I failed, and now it is time to get back on track.

    Yesterday was a better day than it should have been, owing to the fact that I was not in a convenient place to eat dinner. I did my 5km jaunt on the treadmill before lunch, and then cleaned up, ate, and did some work before heading out to Cambridge to see my friends. The dinner they were serving was not kosher, and having eaten a very late lunch I was not hungry anyways. On my way home I stopped for gas, and I bought a small package of almonds. I could have done worse!

    I am teaching today but will have the evening off. I am preparing fish and rice for dinner, and will then have a relaxing evening on the balcony.

    I’ll see you all tomorrow.

  • Day 705

    It felt amazing to get onto the bathroom scale this morning and read that my weight had once again dropped below 260 lbs. … until I remembered that it was over two months ago that I celebrated that I had dropped below 240 lbs. for the first time. Yes, I am happy that I am (very slowly) recovering the progress that I have lost; I am not at all happy that I lost all of that progress in the first place. The fact that I fell so badly and have to recover it… that’s the part that hurts. Then again, how many times have I quoted that Japanese proverb: Fall down seven times, stand up eight. If only the numbers were seven and eight I would likely be less dejected. At least this time I have (hopefully) stopped my decline myself, and after regaining only twenty-five pounds (nearly seven of which I have dropped over the past couple of days). It could have been worse; It has been worse.

    Off to see my godchildren and friends.

  • Day 653

    I knew my weight would be slightly up this morning and I am not the least bit sorry. As a cheat-treat, and to put a big smile on her son’s face, Leslie and I decided to order pizza for dinner last night. Yes, I wrote in these very pages yesterday morning that we would be cheating, and I do not regret it. In truth, I am surprised that the numbers on the bathroom scale were only up by .4 lb. I will take it and call it a win.

    This afternoon we are going to an entertainment complex where we will probably be feeding the boy. I will do my best to not eat there for a number of reasons: I am trying to not gain any more weight during this trip than I already have, but also I know from experience that it is extremely difficult to keep kosher at those places. I will probably put a handful of peanuts into my pocket before we leave home and will nibble on those if I need it. I do not know what we will be doing for dinner, but I can assume that it won’t be very diet friendly. That’s okay… as of this morning I weigh a little less than 1.5 lbs. more than I did the day I flew to Texas; I had expected to gain up to 5 lbs., and that is clearly not going to happen. I will still not go nuts, but if I have one more cheat meal (and then my travel day, which usually adds a pound as well) then I will still be well within my goals for this trip.

    I have not gotten any walking done during this trip. I will not have the opportunity this coming week either, owing to my ridiculous schedule. I do not know what the weather will be in Canada next weekend, but I suspect I might have to start making regular trips to the gym if I do not want to fall off the working out wagon. I will still try to walk if the weather is nice, but November in Canada is not always conducive to outdoor activities. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 652

    I am happy that my weight is down another .8 lb. from yesterday, which puts me four pounds up from my best weight ever, one pound up from the day I left Canada, and 3.6 pounds down from my highest weight since flying to Texas. Considering I expected my weight to go up significantly more during this trip, I am still happy with that.

    I know that the bathroom scale would have been slightly nicer to me this morning had I been able to successfully move my bowels, but that just means that when I eventually do that later today, it will come off of tomorrow’s weigh-in. I will need that because I know that we are having a sinful treat for dinner this evening, and I am expecting to be reminded of that tomorrow.

    I did not end up going for a walk yesterday. It was a mostly sedentary day of work – I have three different classes that I will be teaching next week (it is a weird schedule with a morning group learning one topic, an afternoon group learning a second, and an evening group learning a third), so I am making sure I have all of the material that I need to deliver them prepared. Yes, I know the material – none of them are going to be overly challenging deliveries for me – but I do need to get into the proper headspace. I also am resigned to the fact that I will only be able to work out on the weekends, and my eating schedule might be a bit of a challenge. That will start with having to go shopping on my lunch break Monday, as I will only be arriving home late Sunday night. I have eggs in the fridge so I will be prepared to start the day right.

    I will likely not be doing a power walk today, but I have some parcels I need to drop off at the UPS Store, and I might walk them over rather than driving. It should be a moderately nice day. Knowing what’s for dinner I suspect I can use the steps!

    My class this evening is the last class that I will be with the group of students that I began with in July. It will be weird parting from them, but I hope that some of them will stay in touch with me and let me know how their careers progress because of our time together. It is an exciting step for all of them, and I love seeing my students succeed. Just yesterday morning I received an email from a student I taught last week telling me that he has already passed the exam for the class. I feel great every time I get one of these emails! I expect to continue getting them from this group… some slower than others. I was told that I will be getting another group from the same company sometime in April, which is exciting. I am glad that I will be able to continue helping this company’s employees.

    Okay, I have some work to do and then it’s time to relax with my wife. Have a great day folks!