Losing a part of me

Category: Progress

  • Day 590

    I do not know why but yesterday evening was extremely difficult for me. I was feeling weak and like I wanted to give up. I knew that I had the provisions to make any number of cheat meals after my class… pasta, tuna or salmon salad… well, maybe not a huge number, but at least a couple. I was lonely – Leslie was with her son and Princess Sophie was next door with her friend – and I sat at the kitchen table staring at my tablet. I did not even go onto the balcony to have a cigar. I just sat at the table and did something I have not done in a long time: I kept taking a piece of gum, chewing it until the newness of the flavour started to fade, and then spit it out and took a new piece. I’m sure by the time I was done I could have made a squash ball from what I had spit out.

    I might have gone through half a cup of bubble gum… but somehow, I managed to not cheat. I went to bed almost shocked that I made it through the evening without breaking my program.

    I know the days of losing multiple pounds in a day are behind me (unless I cheated for a few days, gained a lot, and then went back onto the program). Still, I confess I was hoping for a massive drop when I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning. It would have felt wonderful to be able to walk over to the fridge and cross another number off. Of course this was unrealistic… I crossed off 252 only yesterday morning so expecting to drop below 250 today was just unrealistic. I did drop .4 lb., and I am satisfied with that.

    I did not get as much studying done as I had hoped, although I did finish the last of the course videos I needed to watch. I went out for a jog/walk (third day in a row) and while I really did not feel like going on, I did manage to jog the first kilometre and then walked another eleven. I needed to take a break after 7.2km so I sat down to rest at the corner of Appleby Line and Dundas… but after five minutes I forced myself to continue. I suspected my pace slackened a little, but it turns out that my overall pace was better than the previous day… even though Thursday I jogged 1.5km and yesterday only 1km.

    My class wrapped up about where I hoped it would, and we now have a break for the next week. I challenged them to see how many could pass the exam for the first section before we come back, and I suspect there will be at least a couple of takers. I look forward to hearing of their successes. I remember the day I passed my first certification exam. It was March 31, 2003. What I thought at the time to be the greatest credential – Microsoft Certified Professional – was earned by passing Exam 70-210 (Windows 2000 Professional). I went out and got business cards printed with my fancy new logo, and I walked into my office and quit my job. It changed my life. Hopefully it will have a positive (if less harsh and bumpy) effect on some of my students as well.

    I am not sure if I wrote that I successfully moved my bowels yesterday, but I did… and when I cleaned myself up, I noticed there was bright red blood on the paper. I will keep an eye on that, but the fact that it was bright red worries me much less than if it had been darker. Most likely the sharpness of the stool cut the outsides a little. If it were internal bleeding it would have been darker. Nonetheless I will make sure to add a little more fibre to my diet the next few days.

    I have to shop today. I am not happy about that and am going to do my best to get into and out of the supermarket as quickly as possible. I have enough eggs for tomorrow’s omelette, but that is it. I am also completely out of shredded cheese and am almost out of hot sauce. If one wonders if I am a creature of habit, then one need only look at my breakfast while I am on this program. It changes occasionally only in what vegetables I add to the omelette… and which hot sauce I use. Hey, it works, right? As long as I am not cheating the rest of the day then I know that this breakfast is harmless to my weight loss. Would I be losing weight quicker if I were on the strict program? It is possible… but it would be an insignificant improvement when put in the balance against the fact that I suspect it has kept me from cheating more often than I do. I started this paragraph anticipating my trip to the supermarket; I will buy eggs, shredded cheese, Cholula, Tabasco, and milk… and nothing more. I have to summon the internal fortitude to stay away from the peanuts… and every other temptation I might come across in those aisles.

    Today is the first day of our September heat wave; that is to say that the weather, which has been reminiscent of mid-autumn this past week, should turn much hotter going forward. While today’s forecast high temperature is only 25°, tomorrow that jumps to 31°, then 33° for the following few days. There is no precipitation in there anywhere. Today’s gorgeous weather will be enjoyed on the patio at Lyle and Dorothy’s house, as Dorothy is away for the day with her father (leaving Lyle with no car). No matter, I enjoy going there; my only concern is that I seem to be drawn to Bulk Barn with I go there. I am going to have to pay special care to not cheat today, what with that and my trip to the supermarket.

    Tomorrow the plan is to see Eduardo and Sam. I am still unsure if they are coming here or if I am going to see them, and if I am driving there, I will once again have to focus on not cheating. It is really much easier when I am not getting into my car. I was thinking yesterday during my walk as I passed a fast food restaurant and, realizing how intoxicating the smells emanating from the place were, I was still not tempted to stop. I was exercising, and that garbage (and I know that it is garbage, no matter how good it might smell) would destroy the progress I had made on my walk… to say nothing of the last five hundred and ninety days of doing so well. It is different when I am driving, and I am not sure that I can adequately explain it even to myself. When I am walking, I am actively participating in my diet and working toward my success. In the car I am simply driving, in a conveyance, with no stake in my success or failure. There is nothing to remind me of the hardships I have endured to get as far as I have, nor how uncomfortable I was when I was fatter. I have to remember when I drive to stay more mindful than I normally might be for fear of how easy it would be to cheat… just a little. It has been over a year since I last took myself for fast food… peanuts are a different story though, aren’t they?

    Okay, it is time for me to get at it. I am going to head to the supermarket and come back quickly so that I do not have to remember to do so after Lyle’s… especially knowing that is when I am so often weak and would end up stopping in the peanuts aisle. I will come home and prepare my kit, and before I head out to Hamilton, I will prepare my meal replacement shake… complete with a heaping spoon of fibre.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 586

    Yesterday was the first day in I don’t know how many that I got through the day without my wife being here that I did not cheat at all. It is not easy to get through these days, but I am finding inspiration in my wife. She is an amazing woman who has been through so much; if she is willing to put up with me then I owe it to her to look and to feel as good as I can, and to stay as healthy as I can so as to not make her a widow – or worse, a nursemaid to an infirm husband. I am back on track, and I will keep at it so that I can be the best me that I can be. When I pick her up at the airport in California in just over three weeks, she will see the slimmest Mitch that she has ever seen… I make that promise not to her but to myself.

    By staying true to the program I was rewarded on the bathroom scale this morning, this time by a drop of .6 lbs. Doing as I have done these last few days, there are now twelve days that I registered at or lower than my current weight. There was one day in mid-April, and then from May 20 (when my weight was the same as it is this morning) through May 31st. If I drop another .4 lb tomorrow morning, then that number will drop to nine. With a lot of mindfulness and discipline then within the week that scale should be behind me, and looking forward I will only see uncharted weight territory. How exciting… as long as I can stay true to the program.

    I have two obstacles today that I have to overcome with regard to my goal of staying on track. The first is a couple of errands I have to run in the afternoon. Before I go to see my barber, I have to stop off at an office to sign a few papers, but that is of no concern. I seem to have a pattern of going to Bulk Barn to buy peanuts after getting my hair cut. I have to be mindful that I come straight home after that. The second obstacle is that I am meeting someone to buy more meal replacements; he is someone I was advising on the program but who decided it is not for him, and we are meeting for a cup of coffee. There is no harm in the coffee; what else might be tempting at the café is quite another story. I will gird myself to stay disciplined and will not succumb to any temptations. It is so easy to say or write that at 9:45am, an hour after I finished my breakfast omelette, and in the comfort and safety of my apartment. It is quite another to say it in the face of the temptations. I can only do my very best to stay focused and remember why I am depriving myself of all of those foods that I love… so that I will eventually look and feel better than I have in decades.

    Okay, following the conclusion of that paragraph I should mention that I do now already look and feel much better than I have in decades… it is simply that I want to keep improving upon what I have achieved… looking and feeling even better than I do now. That will only come with discipline, and I know it.

    Last night following my class I had my first meeting in a month with my diet buddy. She has moved to Yukon for the year and so our meetings will all be virtual, but it was great to catch up with her. She told me about some of the challenges that she is facing in her new environment. We can talk about small towns in southern Ontario and joke about it, but they are nothing like the sheer isolation of the great white north. She is a schoolteacher, and the stories of her indigenous students tear at your heart. I remember the expression that ‘There but for the grace of G-d go I.’ Yes, I have experienced a hard and challenging life, but it pales in comparison to how some of those children are growing up. Nearly two months after the move she is still adjusting to her new reality, and I hope that when she does get acclimated she will resume with her weight loss success.

    In speaking with Leslie the other day I realized something horrible. She told me she was tempted by a particular food – I do not remember what – and I told her about a weight loss mantra that I have heard many times over the years: Nothing tastes as good as slim feels. When she told me that it was a mantra for anorexics I was horrified. I did not know that the people who said this suffer from a mental condition that is so unhealthy as to lead to hospitalization and even death. I will never forget that lesson and will tell it to the next person who says it to me.

    I am putting off buying a new hard drive. One of my external storage devices failed yesterday, and it will need to be replaced. Fortunately there was nothing critical on it, but I do need the device. I am thinking of purchasing a network attached storage (NAS) device to replace it, but I do not feel like spending the money just now. I have other priorities, and I will hold off a while. I think before I buy that, I should probably buy my server… which I have put off buying because I just do not feel like spending the money right now. There is no connection between that and the meal replacements I am buying today (which will set me back over $500 for what I am buying, and which cannot be put on a credit card); I need to eat, and while my storage will be a little tighter now than it was previously, I am sure I will be able to make do for a couple of months.

    Okay, I suppose it is time for me to get on with it. I am going to see if my wife is available, and if not then I will get a couple of hours of studying in before heading out for my first set of errands.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 585

    I was surprised that I was able to cross off another number on the fridge this morning. That makes three numbers in four days, and the seventh day straight that my weight has dropped. I once again feel bad for Leslie who was not happy with the number she saw on the scale yesterday morning, even though she is working so much harder at the program than I am. I also owe her a big thank you, and I told her about it yesterday when we were chatting as she waited for her much-delayed flight.

    We left the apartment at 11:00am to drive to Cambridge to see Ryan (and his sister) and smoke cigars. It was a lovely afternoon, except I made a mistake. I left the house without taking meal replacements with me. I had eaten my usual omelette in the morning but that was all. Leslie offered to share one of her remaining American meal replacements with me, which we shared at around 1:00pm. We left Cambridge around 4:30pm which would have me dropping her at the airport by around 5:30pm, so without any traffic I would be getting home by 6:15pm or so.

    I was not going to make it. I was hungry and I was not going to be able to make it until 6:15pm. As we sat in traffic on the Trans Canada Highway, I was thinking to myself that I could drop her off art the airport and then look for a convenience store to buy a bag of peanuts. Leslie would be at the airport, and she wouldn’t need to know. She was gone, and so was her scrutiny which had kept me honest during her visit. I started to salivate as I anticipated with gusto the snack I would be enjoying within a short half-hour!

    We were probably fifteen minutes out from the airport when she turned to me and said, ‘Okay… so what are you not going to do tonight?’ Without hesitation I replied ‘Cheat! I will not cheat!’ That was the answer she was looking for. Satisfied, we spent the rest of the car ride basking in our last few minutes of togetherness before she would walk into the terminal.

    Princess Sophie and I drove straight home making no stops along the way. As soon as we got into the apartment, I prepared my meal replacement. I then texted her to let her know that I owed it to her that I did not fall off the program… even if for a minute. I also told her that I do not know what will happen today or tomorrow… but my success on Sunday I owed entirely to her – first for sharing her meal replacements with me, and then for inspiring me to not cheat in the evening. For as many times as I have credited her support and encouragement for my success, this was one more time that it was a specific incident rather than a general helping.

    Over the last couple of days we also discussed my wardrobe, and I made an appointment with the Hong Kong tailor who will be in Hamilton for two days in September – the day I fly back from California, and the next day. Leslie suggested colours for shirts – navy blue, green, and purple. I am surprised she says I look good in green but that is likely because after the Army I spent so much effort avoiding that colour that I started thinking it was just because I did not look good in it. I trust my wife’s sense of fashion and style better than my own, so I will look for something green! I hope that I can be at my lowest weight ever by then (it is precisely thirty days from today), even though I will just be back from spending a week in California where I will try to eat well, but I will not be sticking to the program.

    With regard to my progress: I am now four pounds from my best weight ever, and as that number shrinks so too does the number of days when I weighed less. My spreadsheet shows thirteen days when my weight was lower than this morning’s; with the exception of a single day in April, all of those were between May 20 and May 31. It took me eight days to drop from 256.2 (what I weighed on May 19) down to 250 lbs…. and then just five days for my weight to jump back to 254.6 lbs… my weight on June 1. My plan is to not fall off this time, and to lose as much as I can between now and October.

    There is nothing particular about October 1… other than it is the beginning of a month. With that said, now that I might be back on track, it is not a bad time to try to set some new short-term goals.

    • This week: Stay on track! I am seeing my doctor on Thursday, and I would love to see my best ever medical weigh-in. I could, in theory, stay put where I am now and achieve that… as long as I stripped naked and stepped onto her scale the same way I do my own every morning. To be safe, I would love to continue with my current pace of .8 lb. per day, but assuming that unrealistic I would be thrilled if I could lose another 1-2 lbs. in these next few days.
    • Within the next ten days (that is, by September 7) I would like to drop below 250 lbs. for the first time in my post-Army life.
    • If I can maintain a weight-loss pace of 3.5 lbs. per week (or .5 lb. per day) between now and Rosh Hashana (the evening of September 15) then I would weigh just under 245 lbs. by then!
    • Maintaining that pace, the day I pick my wife up from Los Angeles International Airport I would weigh 242 lbs.!
    • Even if my pace were to abate somewhat, at a .3 lb. per day average drop (2.1 lbs. per week) then I would still weigh 246.8 lbs. when I pick Leslie up at the airport on the 20th. Even that would be a success!
    • Knowing that the week in California will be a difficult one to stay on track, I am nevertheless hoping that my weight the morning of September 27 – that is, the day of my appointment with the tailors – I should weigh between 245-250 lbs., which would be as much as a twenty-seven pound loss from my last visit at the beginning of March.

    How can I achieve these short-term weight loss goals? It is simple, but not easy. I just have to stay on track and not veer from the path.

    Sometimes it is fun to dream, imagining what I could achieve if I never veered from the program. I plugged some numbers into my spreadsheet to see when I would drop to 220 lbs. losing an average of .3, .4, and .5 lb. per day. At .3 lb. per day I would weigh 219.8 on December 20. At .4 lb. per day I would weigh 220.0 on November 21. At .5 lb. per day I would weigh 220 lbs. on November 4. All it would take is dedication without faltering, and no matter which way it goes by the end of this calendar year I would be a very reasonable 220 lbs. Not a bad dream, huh? How about we try to get through the next week or two without faltering… then we can look past that.

    I have a lot of studying to do this week so most of the days I will spend either watching videos of classes or else reading. If the weather forecast for the week holds up, then a lot of that studying will be done on the balcony. It would not bother me one bit if I could smoke a couple of cigars while advancing my mind… all the while preparing for a few exams I have to take and then a couple of classes I need to be ready to teach. It should all be good fun!

    My plan is to do just that… stay on track, studying on the balcony and smoking my cigars, preparing my meal replacements as needed (and properly timed). Tomorrow, I have to go out as I have a haircut scheduled, but there is no reason for me to leave the apartment today except for taking Her Floofness for a walk. I was able to stay on track yesterday, so there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to do so again today. If I can stay on track today, then there is no reason why I cannot stay on track tomorrow. That is how I have to continue to think.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 584

    I am happy to be down another .8 lb. from yesterday morning. At the same time I watch my wife who is a lot more religious about following the strict program than even I am about following my modified program and who is not doing nearly as well with sadness. I realize that every body’s metabolism is different and that there are marked differences between men and women, but to see her frustration at her slow rate of progress is heartbreaking.

    Today is our last day together for this trip which always makes me sad. At the same time I know that we will see each other again in 3.5 weeks in California, so it is not so daunting as it has often been. When I left Dallas at the end of July, I thought we would not see each other again until California which was much harder. This trip was too short, but it was wonderful to be together, and it was a good way to break that too-long time apart. I will miss her dearly when I drop her off at the airport today… and that is when the countdown to when I will pick her up at Los Angeles International Airport officially begins. In case anyone thinks I am not counting, as of this minute that is 24 days and fifteen hours from now.

    I am once again below 255 lbs., if only barely. Prior to this morning I had previously registered under that mark fifteen times (between March 31 and June 1st). Looking at the list of those dates I can see that after the first time I achieved that number it was for only one day. The second time as well. It was not until May 20th that I got back there and stayed under that number… until June 1st, the last time I was this weight. I do not have those days to compete with this time, and 250 lbs. is not my goal, it is just my next major milestone that I am eagerly looking forward to, and which I plan to celebrate only with a fist pump and a whoop, and not with a steak dinner. I do not plan to veer from the program again until I am in California with my wife.

    We are spending the afternoon with friends, so I am going to cut this short. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 583

    For the second day in a row I stuck to my modified program perfectly yesterday, and I was rewarded for it. Ed McMahon rang my door with a cheque from Publisher’s Clearinghouse for Ten Million Dollars! Okay, no… but I did get to cross another number off on my fridge-side tracker! I dropped 1.4 lbs. from yesterday morning which is absolutely astonishing. It may not be $10 Million, but it is still a very nice minor victory.

    I was speaking with Leslie last night about a lot of weight-related issues. One of them is that I am going to the doctor next Thursday, and wouldn’t it be nice if I could show a significant drop in weight from my last weigh-in. At the end of May I weighed 116kg; after that I started my slide which I hope was just a plateau. At the end of June I met with my new doctor for the first time, and I had gained 4.7kg – nearly 11 lbs. I was certain that I had done the worst and would be back on track immediately, but July proved to be a harder month than I thought. I did not actually step onto the scale when I was at the doctor’s at the end of July, but I was up about half a kilo in the month. If I were to step onto her scale today, I should weigh a little more than 5kg less than I did then, and it would be my best weigh-in at the doctor’s office ever. With five days left to go I would love to lose another 2-3 lbs., which would take me under 115kg! That would be my best weigh-in at a doctor’s office since before I went into the Army. Yes, I saw plenty of doctors during my service… but never for a regular check-up. I seem to recall weighing over 260 lbs. when I saw my Canadian doctor the first time after returning, which would have been some time in 1997. I am thrilled to be on this path!

    Not only am I thrilled by that, but I am also excited to be able to say something honestly today that I have been dishonest about since May. I have lost 140 lbs. overall. I have not in the last three months amended that when asked, even though at the worst of my sliding I was back to having lost 115 lbs. I am also less than six pounds away from dropping below that monumental milestone: I have not since leaving the Army weighed less than 250 lbs. I achieved that number on May 27 (Day 492)… and then the slipping began. The day that I step onto the bathroom scale and see the number 249.x – it could be 249.999 for all it matters – I will jump for joy. If I am able to stay on track, then I am almost certain to reach that before I fly to California in 3.5 weeks. My wife will see me at the lowest weight that she has ever seen me… and the lowest that anyone has seen me in my post-Army life.

    While writing that paragraph I realized something, and I decided to go back to confirm it. While I was a full 5.6 lbs. lower than I am now (according to my spreadsheet, there are nineteen days when I have weighed less), none of those days coincided with us being together. When she woke up this morning, I weighed less than my wife has ever seen me. When she gets out of the shower, I am going to tell her that… and we will sit on the patio with our coffee and cigars.

    Our plan for the day is to see a movie. We discussed picking up some almonds to munch on but unless she mentions it again, I am not going to. I think I might have been pushing her to do that, and I do not want to impede her progress. She is doing so well, and I will not be the reason she falters… certainly not with all of the love and support she has shown me during this long, strange, and often tumultuous trip. I am thinking of preparing our evening meal replacements as a fine candlelit dinner on the balcony. We’ll see if I can manage it. Otherwise, we will just enjoy our last full day together. She flies home tomorrow, and that is hard for both of us.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 582

    I have no idea why my first reaction when seeing a 1.2 lb. drop on the bathroom scale this morning was disappointment. It allowed me to not only re-cross and re-date my tracker on the fridge and is a great single-day drop. I suppose is a psychological issue that I should be trying to deal with. Woohoo!

    As I had hoped (and written about) I have dropped below 258 lbs., which does make me happy. I am still seven pounds from my best weight ever, but I am definitely going in the right direction. I will get there for sure.

    I received in the mail today the bi-yearly advert from my Hong Kong tailors. I am currently only fifteen pounds lower than I was when I was measured for my last shirts and suits, and they are still fitting pretty nicely. With that said, the older shirts that I had made in 2017 are very loose (especially the neck) and I am seriously thinking of getting a few more made. We will see.

    It’s been a long week but a good one. I am thrilled that Leslie is here. The class that I was auditing is now over and I have a couple of hours before I start to teach. In six hours my weekend with my wife begins.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 573

    Despite a small cheat yesterday afternoon I was able to wake up this morning and cross a number off on my fridge. Again, it is borderline… but 258.0 is lower than yesterday’s 258.2, and I need the motivation this week. A small victory might just be the success I need to get through the week.

    I originally thought to follow up with mentioning my streak in the bathroom, but before I got to that paragraph, I finally felt that urge. It was 10:00am and I had my breakfast so I would not be able to re-weigh myself, but I am quite certain there would have been at least a minor adjustment. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am thrilled to be back on the program (modified though it is) and I am going to stick with it and get back down to my best weight ever… and then start moving that number downward. With that said, there was always something to be said for the regularity of my morning bowel movements that I am not currently experiencing. For the record: I still hate writing about bodily waste in any of its forms, but it is relevant to my weight loss journey and so be it.

    My son the elder gave me wonderful news yesterday. He graduated with honours from law school. It is difficult to express how proud I am of him. It is also hard that it comes as I have made the difficult decision to stop chasing after his affection. I love my son dearly, but I am tired of being mistreated and disrespected. I truly hope he comes back to me… but I am done playing his games.

    I went to the supermarket yesterday evening, knowing that I was low on eggs and milk. The only additional item I picked up was a handful of peanuts which I know I should not do, but I honestly think that by doing so I was encouraged to not look at any other possible cheats on the shelves. As I walked past that aisle, I thought briefly about Goldfish crackers and mini crisps, but knowing that I had the peanuts in my shopping basket I did not even walk into the aisle. I still see it as a transgression, but maybe the occasional strategic cheat is not such a bad idea sometimes.

    My friend who was meant to come over for a cigar on Monday should be coming today. It will be great to see him… it has been too long. While it is not why I invited him, I know that while we are smoking, I will not be tempted to eat/cheat. He is coming around 1:00pm so I will have my midday meal replacement directly before that, and my second shake before I start teaching this evening. As is usually the case, I will finish the day following my class when I will have my third and final meal replacement of the day.

    After yesterday’s cool and rain I am happy that the forecast for today is sunny and warm. I did sit take my computer outside to study yesterday so that I could enjoy my cigars while doing so. It was raining but there was no wind, so I was mostly not worried; I did have a bit of a concern when I saw the lightening flashes but did not feel that I was truly in danger. Besides, it was a very high quality cigar that I would have had to sacrifice!

    Damn, I realized I have to go back to the supermarket. I am out of raw sugar; a few weeks ago I decided to start putting a very small amount into my coffee again, and so far, I do not believe it has negatively affected my progress. If that changes then I can cut it out if needed but I do not anticipate that happening soon.

    My plan for the day is to stay on course and to stay mindful. How hard can that be, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 569

    Yesterday was the third day that I stuck to the plan, and this morning was the second day in a row that I dropped 1.4 lbs. from the previous day. For the second time in just three days I have been able to walk to my fridge and cross a number off my list. I am quite elated by that!

    It took a few days, but I suspect I am now used to having breakfast, and then three meal replacements spaced out properly throughout the day. I would not say that I am not a bit peckish when it comes time for the next shake, but I have also not been so ravenous that I have waited eagerly watching the clock, and I have not once felt the need to move my shake up an hour because of hunger. In fact, yesterday Leslie and I were having a video cigar date and I was happy to put off my meal replacement until I was finished with my cigar, which meant it was probably 30 minutes later than usual.

    I am back on track. I am on a mission to lose enough weight by the High Holidays that I will need to get my suit altered in order to wear it comfortably to synagogue. Rosh Hashana starts in 35 days, but I do not have a shul to go to in Canada. Yom Kippur starts in 43 days, and if I can lose 30 pounds in that time then I will be absolutely over the moon. It is an ambitious goal, but if I try my best then what would be the result? I will have tried to lose 30 pounds and only lost 22 pounds; I can live with that as a failure! As they say, shoot for the stars… if you miss then you will hit the moon.

    There is a flash storm going through Burlington right now with thunder and lightning as the rain pours down. It is predicted to last less than an hour, after which the sky will clear up for the rest of the day (save a 50% chance of rain for another 30-60 minutes later in the afternoon). As such I am going to bide my time and stay inside, and when the rain abates, I will go out for a cigar. This evening I am invited to a cigar party in Georgetown which should be fun. I am amused that it is a pool party only because of what I see happening outside my window right now but knowing that it is forecast to clear up shortly I am excited to see the gang of friends.

    My plan for the day is to stay on track! The event this evening is including a barbecue and I told the host that I will not be eating. I am planning to time my meal replacements very strategically: I am going to delay my midday shake to about 1:00 or even 1:30pm, which means I would then be ready for my next one at 5:30pm, and I will literally drink it right before going into the event. I will stay for 3-4 hours maximum and will be ready to have my last shake either on my way home, or at worst when I arrive home… hopefully before 10:00pm. I am going to make sure that I have what I need to make my last shake in the car so that if it turns out that I am having so good a time that I want to stay later then I will just excuse myself to the car for a few minutes and then return to the festivities, cigar in hand.

    I know… today’s plan will require tremendous willpower on my part. I have to remind myself that I had been on a break from weight loss for 2.5 months, and to quote the pilot episode of The West Wing: Break’s over. No, today is not going to be just another excuse to cheat. If I want to come close to my goal of losing 30 lbs. by Yom Kippur, then I cannot falter… today or tomorrow or next week. I have to be mindful, and I need to stay on the program. That’s my goal for today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 562

    Yesterday was my second really good day at watching myself carefully, and it paid off… at least, it has so far; two days is far to short a period to claim that I am back on track. The fact that I am down five pounds in those two days is encouraging, but it is neither a trend nor indication of a formed habit. I have a ways to go before I can claim either of those. Knowing myself, the former will come much easier than the latter. If bad habits were easy for me to change and good habits easy for me to form, then I would not have regained all of the weight that I did both times that had lost so much weight, and then regained it all back. I suppose I do not even have to look that far back! How many times have I fallen into a plateau and even slipped back before finally righting things these last five hundred and sixty-two days? I might have too hard a head to adopt good habits… and too much of an addict to shed the bad ones I have. It will only be with constant mindfulness that I will lose the weight and ultimately keep it off.

    This afternoon was a real test for me. I took my son (the younger) for lunch. My most avid readers will guess (correctly) that he opted for Lone Star Grill. I have, in the past, reviewed their menu, and know the smart choices to order for myself… and to eat as he enjoys his queso and chips and a plate of chicken wings deep fried and breaded. Never mind what I might order, my plans go out the window the moment I start going for the nacho chips and salsa that they bring before you even order your meal. I told Leslie this morning even before I knew where my son would ultimately ask to go that this would be my greatest challenge. Let me cut to the last page: I succeeded! I ordered a glass of water, and I did not touch the chips; the only things that I ate as my son ate were his two carrot sticks, and as we were getting ready to leave, I took two forkfuls of salsa (no chips). I consider that a huge victory of my willpower over my base desires.

    My plan was to drop him off and then come home and make a salad for myself. It was only as I was walking into my building that I remembered that I did not have any onions in the house. I switched my plans around and made a meal replacement shake for lunch; I had to go out later, so I would stop in at the supermarket and pick up onions. How was this a priority? Onions are a major part of my omelette!

    It is nearly 8:00pm and I am going to make my salad and then have a cigar with my wife. How great would it be to see my weight drop for a third consecutive morning tomorrow?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 558

    I did much better yesterday than I have been. While I had a much larger breakfast than I should have, I then had a reasonable lunch, and then part way through my evening class I made a meal replacement shake. We can then factor in the 3km that I jogged and the 9km that I walked, and it would be a real shock if I had not lost a bit of weight. Having gained 6.4 lbs. over the previous three days, it was a relief to see 3.6 lbs. drop off in one go. I am not saying that I am back on track, but it is nice to at least stop (and hopefully reverse) that terrible trend.

    Today will not be an easy day to predict. I am sitting a class all day and did not plan ahead. It was not until I was in bed last night that I realized that I had not gone shopping, so I do not really have a lot of food options in the house. Of course, I had my omelette for breakfast, but for lunch I suspect the only food I have in the house are a couple of meatless burgers, which I will make for lunch. I will go shopping at the end of the class and will pick up provisions to prepare for the rest of the week. The class I am sitting today will be for the rest of the week, but tomorrow and Friday I will also be teaching in the evenings; that will make for very long days, so I would rather shop this evening for the week so as to not have to worry about it again.

    I am hoping to get out for a long walk in the morning tomorrow, but it is going to be a tight week. We’ll see what I can do.

    Have a great day folks!